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No matter how self-confident we may present ourselves to the outside world, everyone has chinks in their armor. You know, these little flaws we find when our inner critic takes control to pick our features apart one by one. Unfortunately, our insecurities can get the better of us and sometimes even start to control us.
Women especially feel pressure to achieve perfection we all know doesn’t actually exist. Many have been lured into believing they have to be secure about their looks, personality, intellect, career, and every other aspect of their life. So sometimes, all we need are little reminders to give us a bit of a boost to conquer any self-doubts we may have.
Recently, user naruturtle created a post on the Ask Reddit community and asked men to share the things women and girls shouldn’t be insecure about. The thread received hundreds of comments that remind ladies to stop needlessly obsessing over imperfections and feel confident in their own skin. Below, you’ll find some of the most illuminating answers from the thread, so upvote the ones you agree with and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I asked my husband this question, so here's his answer:
Weight gain. Not seriously obese or lack of caring for health, but don't worry about a little extra fluff. So go ahead, eat that pizza slice(s) you're secretly eyeing!
This one is a big one for me because I gained due to birth control and a couple years of poor eating when we went through money struggles. Now we're having our second and final child, so I've been extra insecure with all these body changes and gaining weight. Of course he's on board with me wanting to lose weight and get back to where I was, but he always tells me I'm beautiful and he loves every bit of me. He has never made me feel bad for my body
Wang Zhuang 3 years ago
This is probably the number 1 insecurity, and should be number 1 on this list. Incels and the idiots who get rejected on Tinder are the ones who call out women for their weight, but most mature men don't really care. Be yourselves and love yourselves, ladies.
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#2
I personally want to find the person that told women freckles should be covered up and I don’t want to hurt anyone so I’ll just have a strongly worded conversation with them. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a serious weakness for freckles. From a dusting across the bridge of a woman’s nose to head-to-toe ginger freckles. I think they’re gorgeous.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
The number of ads I get on Youtube about cosmetics that cover up 'facial impurities' is staggering and all of them are dumb because why are you not allowed to have a mole or something along the line?
To learn more about female insecurities and how needless obsessions over them affect our lives, we reached out to psychotherapist Sheri Heller, LCSW who specializes in the treatment of complex trauma, narcissistic abuse syndrome, and addictive disorders. "How we criticize ourselves is predicated on whether or not we have a realistic assessment and sense of acceptance of who we are," she told Bored Panda.
Heller explained that when our relationship with ourselves is mired in rejection, perfectionism and self-loathing critical scrutiny of who we are and what we do is a constant source of distress. Way too often, women find fault within themselves and worry about how other people perceive them. And even when they hear words of encouragement to stop self-doubting themselves, learning how to overcome it is challenging.
#3
Ovulation and periods. It’s completely natural, and only weirdos and teen boys get grossed out by you talking about it.
#4
Not a man, but a lesbian, so I think I can provide some input here.
Anything genital related - pubic hair grooming standards, labia size, shape, colour, etc.
Everyone is a little different, and I nor any woman I've ever slept with, or any man in any of the guy talk I've been privy to as a lesbian (always a little weird to be a part of), has ever cared about any of it. Whatever you were born with is completely natural and beautiful. And if you want to rock a full bush, or go completely bald, or do a landing strip, or whatever your little heart desires, you do you and anyone in a position to see it is just going to be glad they're in that position.
#5
Being a total dork, plenty of guys want a goofy girl that we can be ourselves around
According to a report by Weight Watchers, females are indeed highly self-critical — they were found to criticize themselves at least eight times a day. The survey of more than 2,000 women revealed a worrying trend with one in seven admitting to being regularly judgmental of their body, personality, relationships, money, or career success every day.
An estimated 46 percent admitted having negative thoughts at least once before 9:30 AM. Moreover, a staggering 89 percent revealed they prefer complimenting their friends but not themselves, and 88 percent even said they would never criticize them in the same way.
"Women often get caught up in one-dimensional prescriptives that superficially measure a woman’s worth," Heller said. "This runs the gamut from measures of beauty to degrees of selflessness, popularity, and image."
#6
Being bad at sex. If a guy says you’re bad at sex, he’s a piece of s**t. Real good sex comes from an emotional connection. It’s not you, it’s them. They suck.
#8
Approaching/getting rejected by guys. We'd say yes to a tree if one approached us first
"Likewise, there are cultural demands placed on women to not only embody mothering attributes and live up to markers of vanity, but also to achieve success in the marketplace. This do all, be all paradigm sets many women up to be self-conscious about falling short of the impossible," the psychotherapist added.
When self-consciousness finds its way into every aspect of our lives, it can significantly affect our well-being. Heller told Bored Panda that being plagued by insecurities causes a person to live an inauthentic life. "One may attempt to conceal their fragility and wounds and aspire to be someone they are not."
"Moreover, one may go into hiding and not realize latent potentials. Psychologically and emotionally, the person afflicted by insecurities feels alienated and alone. They are disconnected from themselves."
#9
Lack of long eyelashes. Literally, no dude has ever cared about eyelashes.
Isaac7lego🇺🇸 3 years ago (edited)
Yup, honestly those long fake eyelashes can kinda be odd looking
#10
I like girls who can be real around me. When they feel comfortable and say whatever dumb s**t is on their mind, I feel like I’m actually connecting with someone. Cliche, but I think being yourself and losing the insecurity, in general, is the most attractive thing someone can do.
#11
Brains. Being a nerd is the new sexy.
Serial pacifist 3 years ago (edited)
Brains should be a point of attraction regardless if you are a man or a woman. I am a man, but I find it very condescending to conclude that smart women are "sexy", as if they are some rare, extravagant breed, while it is supposed to be some kind of a natural state of men, who are actually proven to be, throughout history, the supreme idiots of humanity.
It's troublesome enough to feel doubtful about yourself, but often these thoughts seep into our relationships as well. When asked how big of an impact they have on our connection to others, Heller told us, "When we are not at peace with who we are, we cannot adequately engage with others. The inability to authentically express oneself with others leads to co-dependent maneuvering. One might succumb to fawning, people-pleasing, manipulating, and controlling to fulfill dependency needs."
#12
Things I/most men don't care about: Stretch marks. Uneven breasts Breasts that hang/sag (That's actually sexy, in my opinion). Veiny breasts It's perfectly fine if you aren't shaved down below. Your round belly is actually cute. I love the way you look in the morning. Imperfections make you unique, and aren't something to be self-conscious about. In short, if you treat me/most guys with respect; give lots of affection; are dependable; trustworthy; kind; honest; and make us feel good about ourselves, whatever insecurities you have, we likely find endearing/cute/sexy.
#14
Gray hairs, I love when you own it. Plus the silver streak kinda reminds me of Rogue from X-Men.
To avoid bringing other people down, everyone should think twice before making unsolicited comments about a person’s looks, characteristics, or qualities. "When men (or women for that matter) highlight things in women which they view as 'problematic', it exacerbates shame," Heller explained and added that a common example of this is body image. Pointing out or shaming perceived physical flaws diminishes self-regard and self-worth.
#15
Wrinkles. Every wrinkle is a scar of a thousand smiles.
#16
Burping or farting around us. I know too many girls that have said they think it is rude or going to turn us off of them. Personally, I would want you to let go of any gas because I know how uncomfortable that is and I couldn’t imagine if you were holding that in on top of period pain or other things. Please just pass your gas and don’t let it be something you think will turn us off.
Shelley DuVal 3 years ago
My Nana always said "where ere you be, let your air go free" and then farted.
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Donkey boi 3 years ago
many years ago, I had a (later found to be dietary related) medical condition what resulted in me not farting for the best part of a year. Needless to say it caused a few issues. When I finally produced a fart I happily announced to my wife, 'I FARTED!!!', she responded with 'Good boy'. Now whenever one of us farts we tell the other, who then responds 'Good boy/girl'.
Jelena Putinja 3 years ago
my huby told me he knew I was right for him when he farted in bed and I farted back - today is our 14th anniversary
albernistuff 4sale 3 years ago
Just one thing; please hold for the duration of the elevator ride.
Maryanne Miles 3 years ago
I farted in front of my now husband the third time we hung out. I figured I didn't want to be with someone so uptight they couldn't giggle at normal bodily functions. We've had many many fart battles where we laughed like teenagers. We've been together 26 years.
Kay blue 3 years ago
A recent article was about a woman who needed emergency surgery because she refused to fart in front of her boyfriend for two years.
Mary Janey 3 years ago
She has a digestion issue. She’s eating foods she is allergic to, and doesn’t realise it. She probably was eating lots or processed foods and junk food. Stop the madness. Where is common sense these days? Even someone in a wheelchair can roll to the other room and fart. Sheesh. People need to pray for brain capacity to increase. That’s the real pandemic. Stupidity
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Mark Staite 3 years ago
Just be courteous and step away before crop-dusting the room for cripes sake. Common sense and common courtesy shouldn't be ignored.
Philly Bob Squires 3 years ago
After 30 years, I've known my wife to really rip a few foul ones! But hey, I do it too... Even scared the cats a few times!
Amy Stone-Chandler 3 years ago
Never understood why so many are mortified at doing it. We all do it!
Mama Panda 3 years ago
When I was younger I would hold it in and wait until I was in the bathroom or home. Nowadays, pfft I let em rip! No one is more important that my comfort when it comes to tummy aches from holding it in. If he can't handle it then missyoubye!
Niccolo P. 3 years ago
If a guy is grossed out by it, send his ass back to the 2nd grade where he belongs.
TheHiveGuardian 3 years ago
Yes genius! Convince the gullible ones it's ok so we can easily pick out the women that aren't wife material 👏👏👏 5Head move
Susan Williams 3 years ago
I have let a little fart out unintentionally. I didn't even try to apologize. I just ignored it.
Ivanka van der Reest 3 years ago (edited)
You fart around anywhere until at some point in life a little bit extra follows the gas. After a couple of experiences like that, whenever you feel gas you just go to the toilet to save yourself the potential stress to have to clean a little stripe of nasty sticky brown stuff from your underwear. My husband won't ever hear me fart anywhere that's not the toilet. I don't hold my farts until I reach a toilet for anyone but myself. 😂 And the only time I need to burp is when I eat too fast or drink soda. Luckily I drink soda once in a blue moon, don't even like it. And if you eat your food by taking decent proportioned bites and chew them well you won't swallow extra air to make you burp, also better for every other part that needs to process the food if you chew properly and take smaller bites so again that's not to please others but is something you do for yourself.
Lina Schantz 3 years ago
I once was interested in a guy until I found out how insane he was about the thought of a female farting or pooping. He thought it was disgusting that women may have natural body functions. Needless to say it never progressed farther than conversations.
Bayou Billy 3 years ago
I admit haven't dated any girl that within a week hasn't farted hilariously. From punk to "I'm to classy too poof even". Soon as I'm alone with them they try to meg me! They were all great.
Jamie Hall 3 years ago
Thank goodness bc I've actually gotten bad stomach pain from holding in farts around a guy before. I couldn't seem to get a moment away from him far enough away.
Joshua Collins 3 years ago
I went 26 years without ever hearing a female flatulence. The moment I did, I just calmly turned around and smiled. It was my friend's Girlfriend & she knew that she had just "popped my cherry". It was out own little momen,, but only a short one. Because once the smell hit, hilarity ensued! 😆 I totally locked the windows and doors! What a great memory and all Because a lady acted like a human.... 🤔
Josh Gilland 3 years ago
Only turn off is when it's for attention. Middle school humor was for middle school. Doesn't matter your gender, attention seeking is just unattractive.
David Szeremi 3 years ago
Strange thing, my wife's gas hardly smells at all... It's like, oh come on try a bit harder. The dog on the other hand....
Angel Silhouette 3 years ago
Hold it in too long and it becomes chemical warfare. Please let it out when you need to.
Jennie Paterna 3 years ago
It's a natural thing so why act like it doesn't exist, sometimes I'm embarrassed bc I didn't expect to really let out a loud fart, but burping, I will let it rip n my boyfriend says I sound like a samurai lmao
Joseph Madison 3 years ago
My wife wouldn’t burp around me for so long. To make her more at ease I took the stigma out of this natural bodily function. In our house it is now “The call of the North-American Couch Potato, looking for its mate.” So whenever she or I burp, we hear “I love you too, baby!” shouted across the house.
astrolover 95 3 years ago
Things that are completely natural should not be embarrassing, especially when it applies to both men and women.
Rata Robinson 3 years ago
Nobody, male or female, should fart in the presence of another person - why inflict your bowel smells on anyone else - go to the bathroom/loo and release that gas to your hearts content, not near me thanks
Diane Knight 3 years ago
My brother's motto is "better to let it go and bare the shame than hold it in and bare the pain"
Chel Bolin 3 years ago
It happens, but usually its just to be polite. (Especially facts, who wants to smell that) In 15 years I've rarely even heard my boyfriend fart. Lol
Purple Orchid 3 years ago
Both are normal bodily functions that every human on the planet does. I don't know why anyone would care about it or even make it an issue? But clearly some people do...🤦
David Brown 3 years ago
There's always a laugh to be had from a good fart. You just have to time it right.
Evelyn Ann 3 years ago
I have an ingrained inability to fart around people. My family didn't talk about bathroom stuff and it carried to adulthood. 9 years in and I've done it around the s.o. in my sleep...but i don't hold it in either. A walk to other room to get something to drink lol.
TiaCalenture 3 years ago
When I burp I say "Excuse you, piggy piggy", their defense is funny! When I fart I looked back at the ground and says "I must have stepped on a frog, be careful" 😁
Grant Hazzard 3 years ago
Especially if it's before sex, don't do it when I'm down there, please.
Mary Janey 3 years ago
I personally hate it when men fart or burp in public, and My husband DOES NOT WANT ME TO FART OR BURP AROUND HIM!! If I accidentally do, I excuse myself and try to remember to WALK AWAY AND PASS GAS: So no, lots of men don’t like it. What happened to manners? Your legs stopped working? You can’t walk away and fart? 90% of the time you can so stop being lazy.
Theoretical Empiricist 3 years ago
I always respond to such pressure rebalancing with "Gesundheit!"
Edgar Rops 3 years ago
After reading so many comments here, on BP, and elsewhere, about how uncomfortable some people are with anything physical and how hopeful they are that distancing would remain the norm post covid, I fully understand the anxiety...
Spampampams 3 years ago (edited)
Farting should happen in the bathroom just like everything else that's supposed to happen in there. As for burping please cover your mouth and offer an excuse me please. I would appreciate your be considerate.
Samantha Mannion 3 years ago
O man me and hubby have never bothered with this issue. Maybe because we met at work both working crazy hours together so no time to care? Haha now 12 years later it's always fart and poop jokes!
#17
Being the one to make the first move. Especially in today's age, it can be very complex for a man to know if it's even ok to ask anymore...
When our confidence is low and fragile, we have a hard time believing in ourselves. This might lead to ditching our dreams or even cause serious health issues. "Often, this sort of wounding leads to self-destructive behavior such as eating disorders and sexual compliance," the psychotherapist noted.
Luckily, threads like this one remind us how important it is to raise awareness about self-worth issues women face every day. You see, shrinking others' faith in themselves is never the right way, and people should be encouraged to embrace their bodies and silence those inner critics that limit their lives.
#18
Honestly, damn near everything. It’s sad seeing beautiful women treat themselves like s**t because their cheekbones aren’t right or their thighs are slightly red or whatever. Ladies: guys DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST about these things. They will love you for who you are. And the guys that do make a big stink about physical 'abnormalities' aren’t worth chasing after in the first place.
#20
Small breasts, contrary to what most would have you girls think, there are plenty of guys out there that love, if not even prefer, smaller breasts over larger breasts.
#21
I grew up with older sisters. There were so many things they would be insecure about but I always assured them they shouldn't. Please dont be so stressed about your hair first of all. Your weight, please don't be so hard on yourself. Your clothes, please. The differences are small to notice to most men when you stress about those little things. Please, take it easy
#22
Intelligence. Some of the smartest women I know will too often concede the room to loud but dumber men.
#23
Being afraid to make the first move. I can't tell you how fantastically guys would respond if women just dropped this "men have to make the first move" mentality. If they just walked over and said "hey you're cute and I like your personality, wanna go out sometime?" Men would go nuts. A lot of Women, not all, act like this is an insane idea, but tbh it's very refreshing and a really attractive quality. Fuck the bs of norms.
Skara Brae 3 years ago
Oh yeah.This! Ladies, if the guy you like inexplicably won't ask you out, it could be they like you, but are afraid it would ruin your friendship if you say no. Also, obvious hints aren't as obvious as you think, especially for guys who haven't had a girlfriend yet.
#24
How much sex they’ve had. As long as it’s done responsibility and you’re loyal to your established SO, I couldn’t care less how many came before.
#26
Cellulite, stretch marks, anything that might be seen as a 'blemish.' My girlfriend has all of the above and I never noticed any of it until she said something about them.
NsG 3 years ago
Blame Photoshop and all the media that sets the standards and expectations for what women should look like. Throw in pron magazines and we're up against impossible images. I realise many, many men can tell the difference between the false images and reality, but a lot of the damage to our self worth happens in our teen and pre-teen years from boys who *haven't yet* worked out the difference and make us feel less worthy. (And pre-teen magazines aimed at girls)
#27
Their body hair. It's natural to have body hair.
Donkey boi 3 years ago
My wife said it's weird that body hair on women doesn't bother me in the slightest, but on men I find it disgusting. I couldn't care if my wife grew her hair like Cousin It, but I'm shaving my armpits, I'm waxing my chest, I'm trimming my pubes!
#28
Acne on the face, back, or wherever. None of us really care. I had bad acne growing up and at some point, I learned that any respectful person will not judge you for it because you can’t really control it.
#30
I had a GF who was insecure about the shape of her breasts. To me they were fantastic.
HolyHannibal 3 years ago
Yeah society has taught us that National Geographic boobies are just not ok. Must be Playboy boobies or else! Pretty freaking shallow.
#31
Don’t be afraid to look stupid. Or embarrass yourself asking a seemingly dumb question. It’s way cooler if you want to learn something, than say ‘I wouldn’t understand it’. Not looking/appearing ladylike. Just get in there and destroy that burger. Or make a fool of yourself. Many guys will prefer a girl who’s goofy or brave. (Not that you should validate yourself in guys eyes, it’s just this post asks for men’s opinions.)
#32
The most ridiculous thing must be the thigh gap
Firstname Lastname 3 years ago
I do not want a thigh gap to look good. I just wanna avoid chub rub.
#33
That little belly bump seriously it don’t make you look fat it makes you look human
#34
Not being in elite athlete shape. The fixation on abs and no body fat is annoying af. Would rather chill at the beach with nothing but Mom and Dad bods. I know the time and commitment it takes to be perfectly fit. For 99% of us that is time taken away from more important matters.
#35
Frizzy hair! It’s really fun to look at. Some women seem to try to straighten or curl their hair but I think going with what your hair wants is best. I know there are always those shampoo commercials with impossibly silky hair, and that looks nice, but there are so many different ways to have beautiful hair. I think genuine hair is often beautiful hair!
StormsTempest 3 years ago
I have silky hair and I hate it bc that mf will do NOTHING I tell it to- 😐 I would kill for some texture man
#36
Their laugh. If you snort like a piggy, go on girl. Most of the time it's cute.
Jitka Šedová 3 years ago
My husband loves my snort laughing. He oftrn tries to make me laugh hard enough to snort and then we both laugh even harder (and I snort even more :D)
#37
I dated a girl once who had a larger than average labia. She hated it, the first 3 months we dated she didn't want me to even look at her parts bc she was so insecure about it. We'd been playing with each other for ages so obviously I'd felt it and didn't mind and the first time I saw it I was about the go down on her and she started crying bc she thought I wouldn't be attracted to her anymore. I never minded though, and we had a conversation about it and how it didn't matter, I'd noticed it before and it didn't turn me off at all. I loved her and a little labia wasn't gonna stop that
Trond Øien 3 years ago
Give me large labia over the barbie doll look every time. Who knows where this madness came from.
#38
Being assertive. There's nothing wrong with a person being assertive, man or woman. There's no reason to be self-conscious about competence and knowledge. And assertiveness is just the expression of those."
#39
Height and being older than your partner. If someone's gonna be with you all these "trivial" things won't ever matter, believe me... Maybe that's just me but I do prefer to not really ask those 2 specific things among others, if they want to share then all good (at least height will be kinda obvious but my point stands lol) As for being older, that freaking double standard and taboo about the guy having to be older is ridiculous and it kinda hurts the feelings of so many girls it's sad.
Mama Panda 3 years ago
Height has always been an issue for me. Of course I am 5'11". I have tried to date men shorter but I just can't handle feeling like a giant. Age on the other hand is not a problem. I have dated younger men and have had just as much fun as with older men. I think it's more of a maturity issue if anything.
#40
how much you eat (eat what you want but like your doctor would say, have balance)
Donkey boi 3 years ago
I'd rather see you enjoying what you're eating than concern myself with what or how much you are eating.
#41
Brand names. Most single guys have no idea the difference between a handbag from Michael Kohrs vs Louis Vuitton.
Jon Steensen 3 years ago (edited)
...and many of us find designer bags rediculously overpriced, and see them as a sign of weak personality, since they indicates you can be manipulated to pay a redicoulus amount of money for something worth far less than that. Even if you have so much money that you can spend them carelessly, flashing that fact by wearing the badge of a wellknown brand, can come of as bragging, and can send some a*****e vibes. Don't just follow the mainstream route, but show off some of your own personality and be a little creative with the objects you choose to surround yourself with. Be brave and put some effort into it, instead of just going with the secure option where you are leaching on an establish brand. And don't let your entire life revolve around a material good, but get a proper perspective on what is important so you don't whine on the internet like a spoiled brad, and performs a stupid media stunt, when Chanel won't trade with you.
#42
The nose. I don't understand why almost every girl who doesn't think they have a 'perfect' nose, will at some point consider operating for that. We don't give a s**t about the small hump on your nose or if the tip is pointing slightly up or down.
#44
Nipples. Me, the male, very excited to play with your boobs in general. Literally do not care what they look like. Boobs are great and wonderful, playing with them also usually leads to sex which is also pretty great. Hurts me when partners dislike their bodies over something you can’t really change.
#45
Being more competent in something than colleagues, friends or SOs. The insecurities of others around you shouldn't affect your own behavior and make you downplay your own abilities and strengths.
Skara Brae 3 years ago
Please don't hide your skills. The world needs all the competent people we can get.
#46
Height! As a 5'9'' guy, I love girl's my height and even taller, so stand straight for God's sake!
#47
Lips and eyebrows. We don't really care. Every guy I'm friends with agrees that lip fillers make a girl instantly less attractive and as long as you're not completely missing your eyebrows, we don't even think about them.
#48
We don’t care what you look like when you eat as long as you follow basic table manners. F**k do I care if you want a big a** bloody hamburger. If you’re hungry eat! I never got that. You go to a restaurant to eat not to nibble on rabbit food.
#49
Basically anything that is out of their control. You shouldn't be insecure about body parts that we can't change, or disfigurements or medical conditions. Imperfections are perfect in my eyes. I think insecurities should only exist in situations where you know you can make that change for the better but you don't take that step, being insecure about something like that should encourage self improvement.
#50
Muscle. There's no shame in being or wanting to be muscular. Getting in shape is attractive and anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't know what they're talking about or care about other people's appearances too much.
#51
Wearing glasses (prescription not sunglasses), I don’t know why many feel embarrassed using them and go all day at school mainly and struggle. 9/10 you look even prettier with them
Jon Steensen 3 years ago
A pair of well chosen glases often makes people look smart, and smart people are often much easier to be around, as they can focus on the important parts of life and you do not constantly have to correct for their mistakes, or spend a lot of time making them follow your train of thoughts.I know it is stereotypical thinking, but I think a lot of people make the same set of connections, and hence find glases attractive. Furthermore it is often just a matter of getting used to the look, and in most cases when you know someone who usually wear glases, they look odd without them.
#52
Having a woman that is confident in making her own decisions is great. You don't need anyone's f**king permission to do a damn thing that doesn't directly involve them. Asking someone's opinion or input versus their permission are two different things. Girls, ladies, women, anyone hear this: Confidence is far more beautiful than any makeup or clothing. I love the inner beauty that radiates out! I've seen dolled-up women that were rotten to the core. Love yourself and love will find you!!!
#53
Their face without makeup. I've been told that makeup isn't about impressing other people and is more of a self-confidence/self-love thing, but the only reason it's even a thing is because it impresses other people.
#54
Eye Color!!!!! I know so many girls who are upset they have brown eyes instead of blue or green. Brown eyes are very attractive!
#55
First of all women stop being doormats or second class in relationships. If you want to go to KFC say it. It doesn’t make you look fat. It makes you look hungry. Also my GOD stop saying you are fat. Unless you are actually morbidly obese 90% of guys are not gonna give one single iota of a F how much you actually weigh.
plain bOrEd not panda 3 years ago
This is actually so very true, but women realize it much later in life when settled down. While I was a teen and in my early 20s, I had crushes on guys I thought were way out of my league, because I always considered myself on the bigger size (looking at my pictures now I say to myself "Damn, what a hot piece of beauty and so much slimmer than I remember myself being!"). Surprise, surprise, all of these guys ended up with much bigger girls than me, and also not as pretty and a father or themselves have told me a few times what crushes they used to have on me in their 20s. So if you're not obese, the only person who is judging your weight is yourself and your "girlfriends", it is never a good reason not to have the self esteem you are in these guys' league.
#57
Their tummies. Some of us like a tummy on a woman.
Jon Steensen 3 years ago
Men are preprogramed to like a curvy lines that sets a woman apart from a man. Distinguished abs are something most people asociate with the male figure and hence a sixpack on a women is a turn off for many men, who would prefer a bit of a round belly over that.
#58
Everything about your body. Your not a super model and we aren't expecting you to be. We aren't male models either. Real life isn't p**n.
#59
Whether your bra matches the panties
#61
Their career skills. Women second guess themselves so much more than men do. Seriously, f**k that.
#63
Constantly apologizing. It’s okay to apologize, we probably understand, and you probably don’t have to apologize, and you’re doing just fine, whatever, and however that is. This being said… don’t stop, it’s adorable and flattering that you care that much.
#64
A lot of those beauty trends. Thigh gaps, that weird bikini gap thing, stretch marks etc, I genuinely don't care. Also apparently some are self-conscious about freckles, I think they look stunning.
#65
Stretch marks/mom bod. You created a human/humans. The “perfect” body isn’t flawless or without blemish. Sexiness is more in how you present yourself vs physical appearance 99% of the time.
#66
Almost everything you're insecure about is what other women would judge you for and most men wouldn't even think about it. Breast or a** size. Stretch marks. A couple pimples. That hair you have somewhere. Height. Those couple extra pounds. Clothing style. All the surface level s**t doesn't matter.
Jon Steensen 3 years ago
In fact a perfect woman can be a bit intimidating. The Russians discovered that their previous strategy of using beautiful intelligent women as "honey pots" did not work when they tried to infiltrate the enemy's programmers. The poor guys were simple too scared to aproach them, and when the women talked to them, they could not establish the all important eye contact. Using more imperfect women had a lot better succesrate, since it leveled the playing field, and made the women more relatable for the men. Knowing that you are imperfect and owning it, while being brave enough to let the world see you for who you are, can be a hell of a lot more attractive, than spending your limited lifetime in the bathroom and nail salon trying to correct any minor imperfection, instead of focussing on what is important.
#67
Worrying about their boyfriend cheating on them out of instinct due to having bad relationships in the past. I've dated around a dozen women in my life and prior to meeting my wife (of 4 years now) I literally had to break up with women due to such trust issues being projected at me. One insecure woman punched me in the face twice because she thought I was cheating on her as she thought I was being overly nice to other women despite me just being nice to everyone equally as that's my personality. I pushed her off me after she grabbed me by the neck trying to force me to confess to cheating (she was a strong person) and she calls the cops so I spent three weeks in jail awaiting a court date for domestic violence that was thrown out anyways. When I met my wife and noticed she wasn't insecure I married her within 6 months of dating and couldn't be happier now!
PotatoPretty 3 years ago
My ex-husband left me for someone else, I've had friends betray me with boyfriends, just was a bad judge of character for a long time. So I came into my current relationship with major trust issues. I told him everything and explained I would need help working through it. He was patient with me, still is, and we have a great relationship. So please don't always discount insecure people. If they're willing to be honest about it, they could be worth the effort.
#69
Everything except bad personal hygiene Of course you can find someone who doesn't care about hygiene but most won't play ball, wash your body especially your privates, only the inside is self cleaning
#70
Not wearing a bra.
Jess 3 years ago
All of these sound nice in theory, but I haven't met a guy who didn't care about these. I once dared to go get my food delivery in a shirt with a spaghetti strap w no bra on and the next time I ordered from them the delivery guy brought a friend and they both giggled and ogled me like I was in a window display -.-"
#71
Getting the latest trendy clothes. Have not met a guy who gives a damn if that hat is half a year out of style. Rock whatever look you like, ladies!
Jon Steensen 3 years ago
yeah and what is in now, you may think look redicoulus in a year. Fashion is really just something the industry has invented and is brainwashing you with, in order to make you spend more money. Don't fall into that trap trying to buy what is currently trendy, but instead spend your money on building a longlasting wardrobe of quality evergreens, and play with how you pair the items you already posses (e.g. a basic charcoal blazer can be dressed up by wearing it with a skirt, the right scarf and jewlery, or dressed down by unbottoning the top button, pairing it with a jeans and letting the hair down).
#73
Being a little cubby , not every guy wants to have a girl who looks like she hasn’t ate in four months.
#74
Asking a guy out. If you like a guy, don't be afraid to ask him out on a date. Guys only making the first move is an outdated and sexist concept.
#75
Body hair, makeup, nails, hairstyle, etc. Those stereotypes in sitcoms when the wife gets angry at oblivious husbands that don't notice the new haircut; those exist because most of us really don't notice. Not going to lie and say looks don't matter, but personality, intelligence and empathy are a big part of my attraction to someone. If you're looking for something to be insecure about, male or female, evaluate how you feel about yourself as a well rounded person.
#76
Their noses. An old girlfriend of mine had some deep insecurities about her "big" nose. I thought it suited her face perfectly and gave her a really striking profile and i tried to give her compliments whenever i could. She eventually ended up getting a nose job despite my protests. I told her i thought it looked great even though inside i was crushed because i felt like i had failed in my job as a boyfriend in making her feel sexy and confident.
#77
Your faces. The only people that don't like your faces are you and the cosmetics industry. I would take a natural 5/10 face over a 10/10 makeup face any day. Please try to have the confidence to be natural... anything else is a lie.
#78
Stubble. I had a girl once being too insecure to have sex because she hadn't shaved her kitty in a week. It didn't stop me from closing the deal.
#79
-How they look without any makeup. I feel like most guys prefer Women with little to no makeup. I know I do. -Also height, all the women I've dated were about a foot shorter then I am. -Your hair, honestly you look great and most guys won't notice or care if your hair "looks bad"
#80
Moles on the face
Official_Blink 3 years ago
I have a mole on my face and I find it GORGEOUS ! Tbh , Moles , to me , are really cute
#81
Their voice 9/10 times they sound gorgeous
BrianAbi Benson 3 years ago
Bro I sound like a man sometimes, some dude even thought I was a guy cuz my short hair in public once
#82
Public speaking. You'll do fine!
#83
How her vagina looks. We literally couldn’t care less. Outer labia, inner labia. We promise.
#84
Messy hair
Trond Øien 3 years ago
Messy wet hair and no make up straight out of the shower is peak attractive in my book at least.
#85
If they're a little chubby or have a few imperfections. That s**t's normal for everybody. Besides, if you were skin and bones backshots would sound like skeletons from minecraft.
KandiedKat 3 years ago
the skeletons literally had me laughing out loud, got a few looks from my class lol
#86
I'm not a guy but Their eyebrows. Literally they are never ugly and it's honestly more disturbing to see ultra thin ones. Also armpits?? Ok all the shampoo commercials lead you to believe that shaved armpits are sexy but like... If you want to keep the hair, do it it's your body.
#87
Being seen naked, we can already tell what you look like and we’re into it if it’s at that point.
#88
Thigh size. Everyone's is going to be different. If you try to take care of yourself and be healthy, that's all that matters.
#89
Your career / level of education
another one 3 years ago
Plenty of men are terrified of a woman who is more educated or better paid than they are.
#91
If a guy is actively interacting with you and you start to mention how you're insecure about your looks, don't be. Guys are wired for looks, for better or worse, so if they're interested in you and hanging around you (and you're ok with that) they more than likely adore your looks, and wouldn't change them for the world. See so many girls out there doubting their beauty, and it breaks my heart.
Naesil 🇫🇮 3 years ago (edited)
Men are visual creatures, its just natural, and the proof is in how much money is spent looking naked women every year (billions). But I think generally what we find attractive is not only the socially decided "perfection". Personally I like the uniqueness in "imperfections" more than the perfect barbie look.. have you seen the crooked smile of Natalie Dormer? Damn that is attractive.
#92
Previous relationships which have caused physical or psychological damage to you
Mama Panda 3 years ago
This isn't considered to be an insecurity. It's a fear. It's a horribly negative experience that will haunt us until the end of time and men just need to understand that and just accept it. Once a woman (can't speak for men as I am not one) has been in an abusive relationship, we will be cautious, scared, alert, and have PTSD. And if you are a man who is trying to be in a relationship with a woman who has experienced domestic violence, do not negate or minimalize her experiences or force her to talk about it with you. It is a serious issue.
What do you think ?
Beth S 3 years ago (edited)
I think this list is very sweet, but the fact of the matter is that many women are absolutely brutal towards each other and even more brutal with themselves. We need to learn to lift each other up and also love ourselves.
Aliquid 3 years ago
True... a lot of people complain about the "beauty standards", but most of the time it is other women who are judgmental, and the women's magazines that are setting the standards... half the time the men are completely oblivious to the things that women are told to be self conscious about.
Load More Replies...
Swan 3 years ago
these men are talking for themselves; not evry single men; they're all different with different tastes and personalities
Bljurg 3 years ago (edited)
Yes, and those men that have juvenile or idiotic standards are, guess what, juvenile idiots, not men, so you you should not care about their opinion, they are not worth dating.
Load More Replies...
Swan 3 years ago
can't we just say that all women can or could be beautiful instead of insulting the other spectrum : "don't care about thigh gap it's only good the other wy, big labia is better than barbie doll looking having wrikles/stretch marks/fat makes you look human i.e. not having those makes you look not human, not makeup better than make up, small boobs better than ugly big boobs........ no need to insult the opposite spectrum!
Ghosts 3 years ago
I think the message was wholesome but got a little mixed up. Nothing is better or worse. There's someone for everyone.
Load More Replies...
Tami 3 years ago
The general public tends to be rather judgemental towards women. You can be neat, clean, and well-behaved, but if your hair is just natural, not styled and colored, you don't wear makeup, and your clothes aren't fashionable, people tend to ignore you or even be a little suspicious of you. Maybe they think that since you don't care how you look to them, you don't care about them and therefore aren't a nice person.
Alexis minnix 3 years ago
Ok but I don’t spend time on my hair, makeup, outfit etc for men. I do it for me.
Kathy Smith 3 years ago
The idea of this is nice, I guess, but it still comes down to whether or not women are found to be attractive by men. Wouldn’t it be much better if people could be happy with themselves, and other people, completely regardless of their looks?
Aliquid 3 years ago
Yes, I agree. I actually have a problem with the "everyone is beautiful" movement... because it still promotes the myth that being beautiful is important in the first place.
Load More Replies... Kesam 3 years ago (edited)
To sum up everything I find attractive in people (regardless of gender) in one word: imperfections.
Evelyn Ann 3 years ago
Yes! I love crooked teeth, i find them endlessly charming
Load More Replies...
Mud spider 3 years ago
I clicked on this thinking it would be boring and I really forget why I even clicked but I really like it! I agree with most of these and I am in fact, a woman! It’s very sweet and I think making this question was a really good idea :)
Wang Zhuang 3 years ago
I agree with this entire list. Don't let the IG models and magazines be the ones to set beauty standards. Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. It's what's inside that makes you the most unattractive.
Marvelous Rex 3 years ago
And the biggest problem with those are that they aren't even real. Most of those models have entire teams of people doing makeup/hair/etc and then photoshopping the pics on top of it. It's literally an impossible standard.
Load More Replies... Ein Steinbeck 3 years ago (edited)
I had to stop at #5 because 4/5 of the top 5 is complete bullshjt. Yes, freckles are fine. But also, NO, we actually DO care if you're fat and bad at sex and have bad hygiene and grooming, especially down there. Stop with the echo chamber and go take care of your life.
Marvelous Rex 3 years ago
There's a lot of repetition in this list. it's more like 15-20 things. One that I've thought about is comfortable shoes. Has there ever been a guy outside of the fashion industry who cared if women wore heels or some other type of uncomfortable footwear? You certainly can if you want, but I know I would rather see a woman wear something comfortable versus something that makes their feet sore. I feel like that's one of those that's much more for other women than guys. I doubt most guys even notice or care.
Aaron Matye 3 years ago
Can we also get the 'Male Insecurities' one? I think we need to hear about both sides.
KnowsWhatsUp 3 years ago
About the whole boobs comment... Most men would probably notice big boobs but they sure as hell don't turn me on.
blugeagua 3 years ago
This list is great but there are still too many men who treat women horribly for not meeting beauty standards. I know women can do the same but it's all because of society brainwashing that teaches humans to hate women and look down on us. Fortunately more and more women nowadays are getting better at being supportive and loving toward each other.
Ghosts 3 years ago
Eh? I couldn't give a s**t if a woman has scars. I have scars. If you have scars & anyone has a problem with that, then they aren't worth your time.
Load More Replies...
Falcon on Dizzy 3 years ago
Pretty much all men be like: woman sexy lol idc about most stuff also wtf is louis Vuitton or whatever
RatherLoopy 3 years ago (edited)
The myth of vaginal tightness. As a rather ordinarily-endowed male of 68 years (and who was a traveling nightclub musician during the sexually-permissive '70s), I've been with a few ladies over the past 53 years and have never really noticed the "fit" of any particular person. So don't let anyone tell you differently; it's all wonderful!
Dorian Reeves 2 years ago
My girlfriend has very obvious stretch marks down the back of her legs, on her breasts, on her arms, on her stomach… she cares about it way more than I do. Women tend to be their own worst critics because society is so harsh that they internalise it.
Samuel Zhao 3 years ago
If a guy doesn’t like you simply due to breast size, leave them. You’re better than them
Scarlett Barbee 3 years ago (edited)
So then, I am going to be practical, well realistic actually...these things matter to some men and to some women. They matter to some degree to everyone in different ways. These are opinions expressed and supported by those who agree...let's face it: it different strokes for different folks. It is extremely unrealistic to say that men collectively don't care about the things listed. Then there are the many women who care about these things for themselves. There is also the fact that men and women have left their SOs for someone else for the above mentioned... In an ideal world and all that jazz...as it is, people like what they like and don't what they don't. The bigger issues are what happens as you age, have children, or get sick and are looked at differently...
Beth S 3 years ago (edited)
I think this list is very sweet, but the fact of the matter is that many women are absolutely brutal towards each other and even more brutal with themselves. We need to learn to lift each other up and also love ourselves.
Aliquid 3 years ago
True... a lot of people complain about the "beauty standards", but most of the time it is other women who are judgmental, and the women's magazines that are setting the standards... half the time the men are completely oblivious to the things that women are told to be self conscious about.
Load More Replies... Swan 3 years ago
these men are talking for themselves; not evry single men; they're all different with different tastes and personalities
Bljurg 3 years ago (edited)
Yes, and those men that have juvenile or idiotic standards are, guess what, juvenile idiots, not men, so you you should not care about their opinion, they are not worth dating.
Load More Replies... Swan 3 years ago
can't we just say that all women can or could be beautiful instead of insulting the other spectrum : "don't care about thigh gap it's only good the other wy, big labia is better than barbie doll looking having wrikles/stretch marks/fat makes you look human i.e. not having those makes you look not human, not makeup better than make up, small boobs better than ugly big boobs........ no need to insult the opposite spectrum!
Ghosts 3 years ago
I think the message was wholesome but got a little mixed up. Nothing is better or worse. There's someone for everyone.
Load More Replies... Tami 3 years ago
The general public tends to be rather judgemental towards women. You can be neat, clean, and well-behaved, but if your hair is just natural, not styled and colored, you don't wear makeup, and your clothes aren't fashionable, people tend to ignore you or even be a little suspicious of you. Maybe they think that since you don't care how you look to them, you don't care about them and therefore aren't a nice person.
Alexis minnix 3 years ago
Ok but I don’t spend time on my hair, makeup, outfit etc for men. I do it for me.
Kathy Smith 3 years ago
The idea of this is nice, I guess, but it still comes down to whether or not women are found to be attractive by men. Wouldn’t it be much better if people could be happy with themselves, and other people, completely regardless of their looks?
Aliquid 3 years ago
Yes, I agree. I actually have a problem with the "everyone is beautiful" movement... because it still promotes the myth that being beautiful is important in the first place.
Load More Replies... Kesam 3 years ago (edited)
To sum up everything I find attractive in people (regardless of gender) in one word: imperfections.
Evelyn Ann 3 years ago
Yes! I love crooked teeth, i find them endlessly charming
Load More Replies... Mud spider 3 years ago
I clicked on this thinking it would be boring and I really forget why I even clicked but I really like it! I agree with most of these and I am in fact, a woman! It’s very sweet and I think making this question was a really good idea :)
Wang Zhuang 3 years ago
I agree with this entire list. Don't let the IG models and magazines be the ones to set beauty standards. Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. It's what's inside that makes you the most unattractive.
Marvelous Rex 3 years ago
And the biggest problem with those are that they aren't even real. Most of those models have entire teams of people doing makeup/hair/etc and then photoshopping the pics on top of it. It's literally an impossible standard.
Load More Replies... Ein Steinbeck 3 years ago (edited)
I had to stop at #5 because 4/5 of the top 5 is complete bullshjt. Yes, freckles are fine. But also, NO, we actually DO care if you're fat and bad at sex and have bad hygiene and grooming, especially down there. Stop with the echo chamber and go take care of your life.
Marvelous Rex 3 years ago
There's a lot of repetition in this list. it's more like 15-20 things. One that I've thought about is comfortable shoes. Has there ever been a guy outside of the fashion industry who cared if women wore heels or some other type of uncomfortable footwear? You certainly can if you want, but I know I would rather see a woman wear something comfortable versus something that makes their feet sore. I feel like that's one of those that's much more for other women than guys. I doubt most guys even notice or care.
Aaron Matye 3 years ago
Can we also get the 'Male Insecurities' one? I think we need to hear about both sides.
KnowsWhatsUp 3 years ago
About the whole boobs comment... Most men would probably notice big boobs but they sure as hell don't turn me on.
blugeagua 3 years ago
This list is great but there are still too many men who treat women horribly for not meeting beauty standards. I know women can do the same but it's all because of society brainwashing that teaches humans to hate women and look down on us. Fortunately more and more women nowadays are getting better at being supportive and loving toward each other.
Ghosts 3 years ago
Eh? I couldn't give a s**t if a woman has scars. I have scars. If you have scars & anyone has a problem with that, then they aren't worth your time.
Load More Replies... Falcon on Dizzy 3 years ago
Pretty much all men be like: woman sexy lol idc about most stuff also wtf is louis Vuitton or whatever
RatherLoopy 3 years ago (edited)
The myth of vaginal tightness. As a rather ordinarily-endowed male of 68 years (and who was a traveling nightclub musician during the sexually-permissive '70s), I've been with a few ladies over the past 53 years and have never really noticed the "fit" of any particular person. So don't let anyone tell you differently; it's all wonderful!
Dorian Reeves 2 years ago
My girlfriend has very obvious stretch marks down the back of her legs, on her breasts, on her arms, on her stomach… she cares about it way more than I do. Women tend to be their own worst critics because society is so harsh that they internalise it.
Samuel Zhao 3 years ago
If a guy doesn’t like you simply due to breast size, leave them. You’re better than them
Scarlett Barbee 3 years ago (edited)
So then, I am going to be practical, well realistic actually...these things matter to some men and to some women. They matter to some degree to everyone in different ways. These are opinions expressed and supported by those who agree...let's face it: it different strokes for different folks. It is extremely unrealistic to say that men collectively don't care about the things listed. Then there are the many women who care about these things for themselves. There is also the fact that men and women have left their SOs for someone else for the above mentioned... In an ideal world and all that jazz...as it is, people like what they like and don't what they don't. The bigger issues are what happens as you age, have children, or get sick and are looked at differently...
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