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“I Can’t Tell If You’re Flirting”: Men Share 20 Things That They Struggle To Get Through To Women
Remember how John Gray said that men and women are from distinct planets – it is still believed by our society that no matter how hard we try, women won't understand men and vice versa. The common idea is that women are much more communicative and tend to express their feelings, whereas men are seen as more introverted and even apathetic. The myth about women and men having different brains has been busted, so how could it be explained that we both have such behavioral differences?
One neuropsychiatrist suggested that the male brain reads emotions very quickly and then shuts it down behind the mask of masculinity. So, could it be that those differences come from the toxic societal norms? While our world is slowly trying to introduce a healthy atmosphere towards its people, an online user decided to find things out through men themselves and asked the community: "men of Reddit, what's the most difficult thing to explain to women?"
The question received 13.4K upvotes and 8.3K comments where men listed a bunch of random things that they personally had a hard time explaining to women. However, If there's anything on your mind that you would like to add, don't hesitate to comment down below.
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That, despite what movies/TV/literature hammer into your brains, fathers can be emotionally available, engaged, great parents.
I'm the sole parent of a son and two daughters and I've had to listen to "what does mom think of her getting this haircut?", and "tell mom to schedule an appointment" for years.
Mom's in a halfway house you f%*kwit, and I'm plenty capable of making decisions for my own children.
Well done good sir. I do know that there are many fantastic fathers our there, single or not. And as a single mother I also hate the assumptions about "mom stuff" and "dad stuff"... really, do not even get me started on that subject.
That many men only have meaningful physical contact with their SO.
Single men often exist in touch isolation. For a variety of reasons and social pressures, many men experience a lack of physical contact.
Most men I know won't even feel comfortable hugging their best friend. For a long time, the only physical contact I had with other people was either sexual or a part of a competitive sport. Getting closer to middle age I've learned to hug my friends and have platonic physical contact.
It really helped my mental health. I used to feel alone all the time even when I was with friends. Hug your male friends and help them normalize platonic physical affection.
I do not pick up on "signals." Please ask us out or tell me, to my face, like a 5 year old, what you want or are thinking. I am kind of dumb.
That probably won't be enough. Since the probabily of this happening is so rare, a man might think that this is a trick or prank. Kinda like finding a gold chest in the moddle of the road. Too good to be true
When I'm asked what I'm thinking about and I say nothing, it's because I'm usually thinking of something dumb like who would win a fight. Godzilla or Megatron?
That I really want to dress up in full plate armor and own a warhorse.
When you ask me how my day was or what I did today, nothing in my day usually stands out as special, so I just dont remember. I usually dont remember what I do, I just live.
When I tell you I don’t need anything for Christmas it really means you should get me the 7541 piece Lego Millennium Falcon set.
This kind of goes against the "I don't pick up on signals" bit. Just say what kind of thing you want. You don't need to get specific but just say "I'd like something like _____".
That I feel like a creep just by simply existing. I'm always so worried I'm making someone uncomfortable just because I'm a sorta tall, kinda big guy just quietly existing.
I know it's because I've heard from so many people that "guys are such creeps" during middle/high school with no further explanation.
Aw, this is sad. Personally, big quiet guys don't freak me out or make me uncomfortable, they're usually the ones I like. And I swear I really don't assume that "all guys are creeps", I really do give all people a fair chance. I know that the creepy guys make life difficult for the genuinely good guys, especially if you're the shy and quiet type, and it's really really sad.
the biggest, scariest looking guys are the ones i feel safest with
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This is something I don't often hear talked about. A lot of men feel overwhelmingly guilty just by existing, just by association. And a lot of men start to feel angry about feeling guilty. It's not a rational thing, it's something that lingers at the back of your mind.
This is why men should stand by our side when horrible attacks against women are heard! Because this creates a bad picture for all men which is not fair! We currently have a celebrity in my country that is accused of revenge porn! Everyone talks about why women trust men to videotape them! I loved the comment of one guy: "by saying this you are implying that we are all a bunch of creeps and are not trustworthy in a relationship!" Couldn't agree more
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We were moving and these two really large men came up from behind us and the first thing that came out of their mouths was, "We don't want to alarm you." Then they said they saw us struggling to move a piano by ourselves and wanted to help. Since they were both about 3 times larger than us we agreed, then they ended up moving every thing and wouldn't let us help. Then we tried to get the dinner but they refused, they didn't drink either so we finally settled on getting them smoothies. They were refugees from Haiti and turns out they had joined the military and both became professors at the local University I work for. Still see them every now and again.
A lack of confidence tends to be a red flag to stay away from someone as much as an overabundance of confidence is. It's quite sad, really. That said, simply presenting yourself as though you belong there and don't feel out of place is usually enough to not trigger alarm bells.
Confidence is the best in any gender but so long as it's not coupled with arrogance or stupidity
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Logged in to upvote this. I grew up assuming women hated men in general, and that the nicest thing to do was just not bother them at all. Stupid in retrospect, but it's a strong cultural signal.
Part of it being a cultural signal is because of all the threats of sexual violence they get when they...do anything in public, professionally, online. It's also a pretty strong cultural signal that women are first and foremost judged on their sexual attractiveness, and often everything else about them is dismissed as lesser
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I literally won't even look at a woman anymore. If I pass one in the hallway, I stare at the floor or wall as I walk. All because I don't want to make her uncomfortable.
I'm exactly the same. I try hard not to look at women in public for this precise reason
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I REALLY dig tall guys because I'm 5'7" and I can wear heels and not feel like a behemoth. My husband was 6'2" and most of his friends are taller- a hug from a really tall guy makes me feel so safe because I'm completely wrapped. Bear hugs from him were the best!!! (Widow here)
It helps when you realise that not all women are nice. In fact, there is no reason that there are any less arsehole women than there are men.
Yep. It's an issue with men because a lot of men get in the news for being such huge gaping arseholes. Like there's a big difference between killing your entire family and starting a gossip campaign about you. Don't idealize women though...
Load More Replies... I feel for the poster's discomfort. It's a shame, but maybe he'd feel a little better at least if he reminded himself that if everyone was as concerned about others' comfort level, there wouldn't be people feeling guilt by association or people feeling fear due to being smaller and weaker. Not that we are likely to ever get to that point, but at least you're one of the good guys if you worry about such things. Hopefully he can work on not letting it consume him and keeping himself in a place where he can just feel good about being a good person.
Hi dear dude, sorry you've been feeling this way for so long. I think the best way to deal with it is to pretend you're Spiderman, and that "with great power [size] comes great responsibility." Try to imagine how potentially threatening it might feel for someone much smaller than yourself to be in your presence, if they don't know you personally, but they've had past experiences with big folks not as nice as you. It's not difficult to defuse the situation -- you could just smile, or offer to help the other person open a door, lift their luggage, etc. Maybe even make a joke -- "Hi, I know I'm a great big guy, but I'm one of the good ones. Can I help you with your walker, Ma'am?" Reaching out in a warm, kind, agenda-free way is always good.
If you're uncomfortable around women, tell them! If you're not a threat, that's good, but they don't know that, so if you let them know that you're feeling this way, usually it opens up a line of communication
Many women often refer to men s creeps simply because the man showed interest and she found him unattractive. It would help if gals limited the use of "creep" to me they actually feel threatened by instead of just not attracted to.
Yes. I know a woman who I ask how her day is going and would ask stuff about her, since that's how I get to know people, I do the same with everyone. I'm overweight and she called me a creep. Other men who were not overweight, would talk to her the same and she would have a whole conversation with them.
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same, is like you wish you had some kind of sign to let people know know, creeping, plotting or what ever make the unconfutable...like at the gym "I'm sitting minding my stuff, and no, I'm nt looking at your ass it just happens to be on the way. not' I'm not danger to you because I have beard and long hair, I'm just enjoying my music."
this is so sad, women do this, as a woman myself i try to treat every man as equal beings, i have been with the same wonderful man for 14 years now and i believe its so good simply because we dont have any gender roles, we both wash up, we both do the chores were both the best parent we can be you dont need to put your self in gender roles just human being roles
Don't worry. That's very unlikely. Good listeners are rare, and appreciated, as are those who think before they speak.
This. Over the years I've just become accustomed to keeping to my own little corner, out of the way of people. Ah well, almost 40 now. Only about 20 years to go.
The really creepy guys are the good looking, quiet "Chads" from Marketing - whose Dad owns the company, so he assumes he can accidentally brush against your boobs or butt, or make disgusting lip licking signals at you. I'll take a giant teddy bear any day.
Any intellengent person has to be carefull but need not be judgementle and unkind. I learned some of my best friends were big and tall.
Guys need to call Bull on the creepy guys who make their life's so difficult by us females rolling our eyes when we think we're about to have to let some creepy guy down easy so he'll just go away. I'll bet we pass right over the nice ones. Guys need to get mad and make them be less creepy. Boys will be boys is just so overused
And I want a horse and some slinky lingerie. Not flannel like last year. Silk and lace.
I meant to post this on the one with the guy who says he doesn't want anything.
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I have this fear that I give off the creepy vibe and am oblivious to it. what is the creepy vibe exactly?
Lol, I have two neighbors who are extremely tall. One guys entire head is above my fence line and the other just the top half of his head. I just wave and apologize for whatever inappropriate thing I'm doing behind my privacy fence lol
Yep. With great height comes great responsibility. Hate making women feel awkward, particularly in dark, secluded environments. So often go out of my way (literally) to avoid it.
There has been PLENTY of explanation about why people would say guys are creeps.
And you get a lot of that on Bored Panda. Especially from people who post their entire lives, with pictures, and then bitch when someone gets "creepy." Which means that they are interested, I really feel sorry for guys. How in the hell do they know what to do? What is or is not "allowed" or what is or is not creepy?
My dad's side of the family is tall with most of the women over 5'11" and most of the men over 6'3" and they all tend towards the silent side. From first time we were an 1" taller than most of the class we scared people just by opening our mouths. It lasts your life so you learn to be quiet and soft spoken. Then when you talk, people think you are sneaking up on them. Last week I offered to help a woman grab some cans of Cream of Mushroom soup off the top shelf of the grocery store. The extra cases were on top and the regular shelf was empty and I saw her stretching to reach a shrink wrapped case. She turned and looked at me frighteningly, refused and pushed her cart away.
The creep wibe is usually killled with a Quick smile and non-lingering eyecontact. I live in norway, were we dont like to talk to people and see everybody as potential riska for talk. But this gives both me and others a small piece of interaction without the creep-wibe. Hope this helps some body.
I come from a family of tall people (except me) and I've learned that a lot of tall/big guys will sort of hunch and either speak in a slightly higher pitched voice/more softly than normal to avoid accidentally intimidating people. They don't really know that they're doing it, it's just something I've noticed a lot of. I appreciate it when I see it, but it's kind of sad that they learned to do it at all.
The only guys i regard as creeps are the ones actually creepy, like a horror movie creepy sort of thing.
well, if men didn't aim to bed us, stalk us, abuse us, physically / emotionally / mentally hurt us, and kill us for saying "no" to them, then we wouldn't feel every guy has creep tendencies.
There you go with the generalized 'men' doing this. OP and other men in the comment here are telling you they feel so bad about this behaviour in other men they will hardly even look at women themselves.
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yeah. and with today's vide "mens are responsible with all the problems on earth" we won't get out more
Sorry but unless you speak, like this post, you ARE beign a weirdo if someone says so, sossry u nedd to hear this, and i am a man too
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I can’t tell if you’re flirting with me or not.
Whenever a girl talks to you nicely: "Is this LOVE?"
That the more guys you have hanging out together, the dumber s!#t they get into increases exponentially.
You get two guys, and they might throw a water balloon against a glass window, breaking it over the others face. Get four together, and they fire an airsoft gun into an empty room and break the lightbulb.
God help you if you get more than that... And yes, those do seem to be very specific examples.
True. In my engg. dorm, guys used to wear those containers used to store design sheets over their arms and legs and fight with each other believing they were transformers. Crazy days.
That they need to stop being so f%@king mean to themselves.
That dudes can have a 2 hour conversation with each other (phone, down at the pub, playing online games) and not talk about any personal things.
My SO finds it super bizarre that I can talk to my brother for an hour and not know how his family is going, how his work is, what holiday plans are. Sometimes some bros just want to talk about movies or make fart jokes.
That when you can’t decide between two outfits and you ask us we literally would be ok with you wearing a garbage bag if it means the process could be sped up and we don’t leave the house by midnight.
I still love you even though I can’t give you 100 reasons why I love you.
We don't need a hundred reasons. Usually the answer we're after is something along the lines of "because you're you, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else". (Don't you dare say that insincerely, though!)
My missus met my oldest friend at a wedding early last year. Haven't seen him since, or for about ten years before, despite living about three miles away from each other.
Just before the wedding, she asked me how come we never met up, I said "he's alive, isn't he?". Couple of days later at the actual wedding, she asked him the same things, and he also said "he's alive, isn't he?".
She never understood that. Never managed to explain that to her.
Why we can't coo qt babies like they do. I love babies they're the best. But if I do that in public people would give me weird looks.
Idk if most difficult but it sure did took a while to explain to my ex that we don’t look at each other’s d!$ks at the urinals.
How two or more men can bond just by standing in a room in silence.
That's not difficult. Have you ever seen that glance between two women when they hear a really crappy pick-up line? They are bonding as well.
Its so terrible that our society keeps telling men that they cant express any emotion besides anger. Hugs to all of you.
From what I've gathered in my 37 years as a white male is that I'm evil for everything that happened in the past. I'm an asshole for not showing my feelings but when I talk I should just shut up. I'm not allowed around kids of any age or it's creepy. I'm not allowed around women or it's creepy. If I can't bench press a bus I'm not man enough but being too much of a jock is toxic. This is why I just stay home and I don't have any friends. I never learned how to socialize for fear of doing something wrong. The fact that I'm married with kids is still mind boggling to me.
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Nice thread. Many of them seem to be universally applicable.
Let's top assuming anyone can read minds, and just use words. Radical, I know, but it's worked for us. :-)
Just be yourself and do your own thing. "THOSE THAT MIND DON'T MATTER AND THOSE THAT MATTER DON'T MIND "- Dr. Seuss
You may be in my field of vision, but I'm off in my own world, not staring at you. My eyes are open so I don't fall asleep.
supported. Just be kind to everyone please. Ask rather than assume. And don't pressurise people for answers and a psychotherapysession. sometimes just sitting next to someone or holding their hand says more than $1000 of therapy.
sometimes asking how they are doing and leaving it at that is enough
Load More Replies... Most of these were just stereotypes about men being somehow emotionally unavailable and/or incompetent. Also, as a woman, I never “got” signals when I was young either. I had a serious boyfriend once who did the signals thing, and I asked him, “can you just tell me directly?” He ultimately said well…no. At the time, I thought it was horribly mean that he wouldn’t accommodate me. But you know what? I worked to “get” signals, as in I learned to be more observant and to actually try, rather than pretend that since I was of course correct in my direct approach, I couldn’t possibly be asked to accommodate him. I became a better listener and a more empathetic person. It generally made me better at communication. Sometimes it’s not about inability, but a lack of will , and I’m glad I was called out on that early in life. Sometimes I think men have this man-child incompetence robot thing because no one ever calls them out on it and they don’t believe they need to try.
I wish everyone could just be who they wanted to be without there being invisible socially understood intangible concepts were supposed to follow for no good reason.
I refuse to keep this "men cant show emotions" going. I hug people, I show affection, I cuddle with my friends, I give kisses to those who like it. If somebody has a problem with that, they can go f**k themself.
Bored Panda doesn't usually have many posts where men get to talk about being men (at least not compared to the number of posts about women talking about being women). So this is nice to see.
Its so terrible that our society keeps telling men that they cant express any emotion besides anger. Hugs to all of you.
From what I've gathered in my 37 years as a white male is that I'm evil for everything that happened in the past. I'm an asshole for not showing my feelings but when I talk I should just shut up. I'm not allowed around kids of any age or it's creepy. I'm not allowed around women or it's creepy. If I can't bench press a bus I'm not man enough but being too much of a jock is toxic. This is why I just stay home and I don't have any friends. I never learned how to socialize for fear of doing something wrong. The fact that I'm married with kids is still mind boggling to me.
Load More Replies... Nice thread. Many of them seem to be universally applicable.
Let's top assuming anyone can read minds, and just use words. Radical, I know, but it's worked for us. :-)
Just be yourself and do your own thing. "THOSE THAT MIND DON'T MATTER AND THOSE THAT MATTER DON'T MIND "- Dr. Seuss
You may be in my field of vision, but I'm off in my own world, not staring at you. My eyes are open so I don't fall asleep.
supported. Just be kind to everyone please. Ask rather than assume. And don't pressurise people for answers and a psychotherapysession. sometimes just sitting next to someone or holding their hand says more than $1000 of therapy.
sometimes asking how they are doing and leaving it at that is enough
Load More Replies... Most of these were just stereotypes about men being somehow emotionally unavailable and/or incompetent. Also, as a woman, I never “got” signals when I was young either. I had a serious boyfriend once who did the signals thing, and I asked him, “can you just tell me directly?” He ultimately said well…no. At the time, I thought it was horribly mean that he wouldn’t accommodate me. But you know what? I worked to “get” signals, as in I learned to be more observant and to actually try, rather than pretend that since I was of course correct in my direct approach, I couldn’t possibly be asked to accommodate him. I became a better listener and a more empathetic person. It generally made me better at communication. Sometimes it’s not about inability, but a lack of will , and I’m glad I was called out on that early in life. Sometimes I think men have this man-child incompetence robot thing because no one ever calls them out on it and they don’t believe they need to try.
I wish everyone could just be who they wanted to be without there being invisible socially understood intangible concepts were supposed to follow for no good reason.
I refuse to keep this "men cant show emotions" going. I hug people, I show affection, I cuddle with my friends, I give kisses to those who like it. If somebody has a problem with that, they can go f**k themself.
Bored Panda doesn't usually have many posts where men get to talk about being men (at least not compared to the number of posts about women talking about being women). So this is nice to see.
