MIL Demands To Know Her Future Granddaughter’s Name, Woman Lies To Her, Almost Certain She’ll Post It Online, And Isn’t Wrong
It’s great when grandparents want to be involved in their grandchildren’s lives as firstly, the children are surrounded by family, and also, the parents feel like they don’t have to do this alone as raising a person might get overwhelming.
While they are a big help, such big involvement in their grandchildren’s lives may lead to conflicts. This young couple has already gotten into a fight with the man’s mother and their child isn’t even born yet. They were wary of telling her the name of their unborn daughter because they didn’t want their grandmother announcing it on Facebook, which she did anyway after promising to keep her silence.
More info: Reddit
Future mom doesn’t want her MIL to know her child’s name before she’s born, afraid of it getting announced online
Image credits: Emily Burnett (not the actual image)
The OP is a 23-year-old woman who is 8 months pregnant with her 25-year-old fiancé. They are expecting a baby girl and are excited to get to meet their first child. All of their relatives are also very happy about the new addition to the family and have helped the future parents to prepare for what is coming.
The person who is most overjoyed is the fiancé’s mom, even though she didn’t fully accept the OP as part of the family. She went as far as to say that her son could have done better, but now he has fallen into the ‘trap’ of having the woman’s baby.
Image credits: u/loawren
Such words caused a lot of pain in the OP’s heart, but thankfully, her fiancé was on her side and tried to talk to his mother about it. Unfortunately, the future grandmother isn’t willing to apologize. The only thing left for the OP was to ignore it, so she did.
Another annoying habit the future mother-in-law has is to post on Facebook frequently. Maybe it wouldn’t be a problem for most, and they would deal with the embarrassment if they felt any, but the OP gave an example of a post that really bothered her.
Turns out, as soon as the future MIL found out about her son’s and the OP’s engagement, she went straight to Facebook to tell the world about it before the couple could announce it themselves.
It happened once before when the MIL made a post on Facebook congratulating her and her fiancé on their engagement before they revealed it themselves
Image credits: u/loawren
If something important happens in your life, you would like for people to learn about it from you first. The joy of sharing is not the same when someone else has already told everyone about it and there is no longer an element of surprise.
That incident taught the couple a lesson of not telling everything to the man’s mom because she might blurt it out on social media. But the son slipped and accidentally revealed to his mom that the parents had settled on a name for the baby.
Image credits: www.bluewaikiki.com (not the actual image)
However, the MIL was very insistent and was starting to guilt trip her son, saying he didn’t love her
Image credits: u/loawren
The future parents knew they couldn’t tell her this information, but it was hard because she was demanding to know. The couple was convinced that as soon as they told her, it would be on the internet, so they weren’t comfortable revealing it just yet when the girl wasn’t born yet.
Excluding the grandmother from such information obviously offended her, so she started guilt tripping her son by saying he doesn’t love her and that she was afraid of not being allowed to see her granddaughter after her birth.
The OP pointed out that neither she nor her fiancé ever suggested that would be the case. That is when the woman had the idea to tell the grandmother a fake name just to see if she would post it on Facebook after being asked not to.
Sure enough, 5 minutes later, the OP checked Facebook and the future MIL had announced to the world that she would be a granny to Charlotte. The fiancé was furious, but his mom’s response was that she couldn’t contain her joy and had to share.
Image credits: u/loawren
Bored Panda got in touch with the mom and she told us that she and her fiancé wasn’t surprised at all to see the post online, but it made the man mad “that his own mother could jeopardise her grandchild’s safety by posting about it online. What if she posts more information about baby girl when she is born to FB that nobody other than close family should know?”
The rest of the family were confused and started messaging the future parents asking if Charlotte was really the name they chose as there were no announcement from their side, but telling the grandmother a fake name was somewhat of a test that she failed.
The son informed his mom that Charlotte wasn’t the actual name and she will be learning how they named their daughter along with the rest when the baby is born. After this phone conversation, the grandmother was trying to get in contact with the parents, leaving tons of messages in which she was calling the OP a jerk for lying.
So the future mom told the MIL a fake name to make her calm down, but after 5 minutes, the news was on her Facebook
Image credits: leakhena khat (not the actual image)
However, since posting the story the FMIL has changed her behavior and became less demanding. The family had a long chat over the dinner table and the future mom is hopeful their relationship will improve, “We set boundaries and I spoke to her about how her treatment towards me had upset me a lot, I said that I was willing to start on a clean slate with her and she agreed. So let’s see where that goes and what happens when baby girl is born!”
The OP also said that after this chat she is willing to give her future MIL the chance to prove she can be a good grandmother because after all, “she has brought up [her] fiancé and his brother to be great people and [she’s] pretty sure she wouldn’t try and do anything to physically hurt her grandchild.”
The future parents were quite mad at her as she was specifically asked to not share the name, and in turn, the grandmother was angry for being lied to
Image credits: u/loawren
People in the comments didn’t think the OP was in the wrong because in the end, the future MIL did exactly what she promised not to do. Redditors were suggesting that the MIL wasn’t to be trusted and warned the future mom that it may just get worse after the baby’s birth.
The mom told us that she was really overwhelmed with all the support and kind words and is planning on posting an update when the girl is born so the story is not yet over.
Do you think the OP could have handled the situation differently? Do you think the grandmother has the right to know the baby’s name and share it on social media? Let us know in the comments!
People in the comments loved OP’s plan of checking if the MIL was trustworthy and believed she was setting healthy boundaries
I'd let her find out every single piece of news from Fb from now on. The birth of the baby, the name, all the firsts, what the birthday cake looks like, holiday destinations, very little detail ever. And what is not to be shared, she can't know. If she can't stop herself from sharing photos, she can't have any or get an opportunity to take one.
As someone who has worked on a L&D unit, you have every right to not tell a soul you are there, in labor or that the baby has been born until if/when you want to announce it. You can even ask to be confidential (Just please know that if you do that we will pretend we have no idea who you are...if you post anything on social media you will p**s them off when they get stonewalled) This is a very private moment for you. The mother has a right to deny *anyone* access to her room. That FMIL is why we got a number of people who wanted to be confidential, and I totally understand!
I would put an additional boundary of when /how often to call or come over. Defiantly would turn the phone off, power and control is much easier that way. The 80s were so less complicated than today. Just remember that technology is only as controlling as you allow it to be. 100-150 years ago there were no phones in every place or home. So these folks can back the hell down and be respectful to when info is shared.
Load More Replies... She may not be the FMIL from Hell, but she's definitely the FMIL from Heck! She's been telling you for a long time what she thinks of you, and I don't see it getting any better. Buckle up and be thankful your fiancé is on your side.
Pls don’t downvote, this is just an opinion. Can we have fewer of these AITA posts? They were ok at first but there’s like 3 of them every day and not much of anything else
I'm with you. Most of the time, the OP should know if they're the AH or not. I fail to understand how getting internet randos to agree with you somehow validates you.
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Special Points to the fiance for taking her side every time. I was annoyed of those stories where fiances were taking mother's side
I hate passive -agressive people like that. Totally NTA. FMIL has all the AH-ness covered in this situation. I agree with @Ivana Basic, I'd let her find out from FB in future.
I would have told her the child was to be called Gertude or Hildegard or something. (Sorry to all the Gertrudes and Hildegards out there).
Always leave out one detail to that woman where she doesn't have the whole story or all who were involved. That will trip her up half facting on fb. Also maybe call so it's untraceable the family that she's in contact with on fb and let them know to either block her or not read or like her posts because she's being a drama queen and needs some reality and cool down time. Or just set up a message group with those she's trying to share with ahead of time minus her and tell all of them the baby's name so she will be "last to know" and everyone can be like "hey fmil, we just heard baby is called x how exciting." Over and over of others breaking news to her before she can break it would be a good hand slap. Or ask your fiancé to disconnect her WiFi whenever you go to visit. She's gonna do all the baby photo postings too so ya will never have that under control.
I wonder what their policy on photos is going to be, because if they want to not post the kid's face on line....MIL is so going to break that rule. Every photo she has access to, so don't share any photos with her unless you are okay with them being shared on facebook.
Unfortunately, Facebook, and one known name in particular, doesn't really care about this. I agree, but that guy was born to weasel around questions and avoid doing anything he doesn't want to do.
Load More Replies...
I'd give her another fake name after the baby is born. She would never know for sure what her grandchilds name is.
NTA. Don't tell her anything until after it happens. Let her find out on Facebook or from other relatives.
People are just too weird about names these days. People knowing them. People having the same name. You can call out "Mike" or "Pat" and half the room will turn around when my friend's family gets together.
If everything you've said about this woman is factual, then I'd say she is a dangerous woman. If I was OP, I'd ask hubby to find a job in a city far, far away from MIL. She will be impossible to live with and will interfere with the baby WAY to much. Setting boundaries with her will be nigh on impossible unless there are many miles between you.
Hubby & I didn't even finalize the name of the first child on Mil's side til 2 weeks before. I was sure he/she wouldn't have one at the hospital. So a month before isn't too bad. With our first grandchild (a girl) I just wanted to be sure of the spelling of 'Jackie' like the former 1st lady Jacqueline Kennedy or actress Jacklyn Smith, well they went in a different direction and her name is Juniper instead. Go figure? Now my older son told him to call me before he posts on Facebook, nope I learned after it was posted---I didn't even have FB back then , so I really was late to the 'party'.
With the older one's first child (a boy) I waited a few days as he was a premie, they almost had to beg me to come down. I just wanted to keep him safe cause he was so small. (Jan 2020) I did see him tho , and would have waited til he came home if needed to. So 2 months later, all were cautious to limit contact to be sure he stayed safe.
Load More Replies...
My mum did this to me. She announced the birth of my first born AND sent out her picture to everyone WITHOUT my consent way before I got to see her because we both ended up in intensive care. Basically everyone saw my daughter before I did. She also told everyone about both my pregnancies despite promising me not to tell a soul. Now she's the last to know everything. I didn't tell her the name of my child until after I told other people. I didn't tell her I was in labour and I gave her a much later due date than I was actually about to give birth.
Yet another pure, innocent person who did a logical thing and now is SO distressed that they somehow messed up. Girl, you KNOW you are not at fault and you just want to complain about FMILA. There are places you can go for that. I wish BP would at LEAST mark these stupid stories as AITA so they could be avoided. 9 times out of 10 they know the person they are whining about is in the wrong.
I love what the expectant parents did! It's their child, not the MILs; and their decision. I give the expectant parents 10 thumbs up!
YTA in a way. It is ok to let people be excited and look forward to new family members. I know times have changed. We want every moment perfectly curated and presented on social media. We want to retain control. At least someone is excited for a grandchild and actively trying to be part of her life. The world has changed.
Then you're just as bad and yes, a toxic problem-qualifying for at least many of the same descriptions. Probably won't change like the others. 0fuqs for downvotes. I almost(very remotely) feel a little sorry for your twisted type, all kinds of shameful assholez.
Load More Replies... I'd let her find out every single piece of news from Fb from now on. The birth of the baby, the name, all the firsts, what the birthday cake looks like, holiday destinations, very little detail ever. And what is not to be shared, she can't know. If she can't stop herself from sharing photos, she can't have any or get an opportunity to take one.
As someone who has worked on a L&D unit, you have every right to not tell a soul you are there, in labor or that the baby has been born until if/when you want to announce it. You can even ask to be confidential (Just please know that if you do that we will pretend we have no idea who you are...if you post anything on social media you will p**s them off when they get stonewalled) This is a very private moment for you. The mother has a right to deny *anyone* access to her room. That FMIL is why we got a number of people who wanted to be confidential, and I totally understand!
I would put an additional boundary of when /how often to call or come over. Defiantly would turn the phone off, power and control is much easier that way. The 80s were so less complicated than today. Just remember that technology is only as controlling as you allow it to be. 100-150 years ago there were no phones in every place or home. So these folks can back the hell down and be respectful to when info is shared.
Load More Replies... She may not be the FMIL from Hell, but she's definitely the FMIL from Heck! She's been telling you for a long time what she thinks of you, and I don't see it getting any better. Buckle up and be thankful your fiancé is on your side.
Pls don’t downvote, this is just an opinion. Can we have fewer of these AITA posts? They were ok at first but there’s like 3 of them every day and not much of anything else
I'm with you. Most of the time, the OP should know if they're the AH or not. I fail to understand how getting internet randos to agree with you somehow validates you.
Load More Replies... Special Points to the fiance for taking her side every time. I was annoyed of those stories where fiances were taking mother's side
I hate passive -agressive people like that. Totally NTA. FMIL has all the AH-ness covered in this situation. I agree with @Ivana Basic, I'd let her find out from FB in future.
I would have told her the child was to be called Gertude or Hildegard or something. (Sorry to all the Gertrudes and Hildegards out there).
Always leave out one detail to that woman where she doesn't have the whole story or all who were involved. That will trip her up half facting on fb. Also maybe call so it's untraceable the family that she's in contact with on fb and let them know to either block her or not read or like her posts because she's being a drama queen and needs some reality and cool down time. Or just set up a message group with those she's trying to share with ahead of time minus her and tell all of them the baby's name so she will be "last to know" and everyone can be like "hey fmil, we just heard baby is called x how exciting." Over and over of others breaking news to her before she can break it would be a good hand slap. Or ask your fiancé to disconnect her WiFi whenever you go to visit. She's gonna do all the baby photo postings too so ya will never have that under control.
I wonder what their policy on photos is going to be, because if they want to not post the kid's face on line....MIL is so going to break that rule. Every photo she has access to, so don't share any photos with her unless you are okay with them being shared on facebook.
Unfortunately, Facebook, and one known name in particular, doesn't really care about this. I agree, but that guy was born to weasel around questions and avoid doing anything he doesn't want to do.
Load More Replies... I'd give her another fake name after the baby is born. She would never know for sure what her grandchilds name is.
NTA. Don't tell her anything until after it happens. Let her find out on Facebook or from other relatives.
People are just too weird about names these days. People knowing them. People having the same name. You can call out "Mike" or "Pat" and half the room will turn around when my friend's family gets together.
If everything you've said about this woman is factual, then I'd say she is a dangerous woman. If I was OP, I'd ask hubby to find a job in a city far, far away from MIL. She will be impossible to live with and will interfere with the baby WAY to much. Setting boundaries with her will be nigh on impossible unless there are many miles between you.
Hubby & I didn't even finalize the name of the first child on Mil's side til 2 weeks before. I was sure he/she wouldn't have one at the hospital. So a month before isn't too bad. With our first grandchild (a girl) I just wanted to be sure of the spelling of 'Jackie' like the former 1st lady Jacqueline Kennedy or actress Jacklyn Smith, well they went in a different direction and her name is Juniper instead. Go figure? Now my older son told him to call me before he posts on Facebook, nope I learned after it was posted---I didn't even have FB back then , so I really was late to the 'party'.
With the older one's first child (a boy) I waited a few days as he was a premie, they almost had to beg me to come down. I just wanted to keep him safe cause he was so small. (Jan 2020) I did see him tho , and would have waited til he came home if needed to. So 2 months later, all were cautious to limit contact to be sure he stayed safe.
Load More Replies... My mum did this to me. She announced the birth of my first born AND sent out her picture to everyone WITHOUT my consent way before I got to see her because we both ended up in intensive care. Basically everyone saw my daughter before I did. She also told everyone about both my pregnancies despite promising me not to tell a soul. Now she's the last to know everything. I didn't tell her the name of my child until after I told other people. I didn't tell her I was in labour and I gave her a much later due date than I was actually about to give birth.
Yet another pure, innocent person who did a logical thing and now is SO distressed that they somehow messed up. Girl, you KNOW you are not at fault and you just want to complain about FMILA. There are places you can go for that. I wish BP would at LEAST mark these stupid stories as AITA so they could be avoided. 9 times out of 10 they know the person they are whining about is in the wrong.
I love what the expectant parents did! It's their child, not the MILs; and their decision. I give the expectant parents 10 thumbs up!
YTA in a way. It is ok to let people be excited and look forward to new family members. I know times have changed. We want every moment perfectly curated and presented on social media. We want to retain control. At least someone is excited for a grandchild and actively trying to be part of her life. The world has changed.
Then you're just as bad and yes, a toxic problem-qualifying for at least many of the same descriptions. Probably won't change like the others. 0fuqs for downvotes. I almost(very remotely) feel a little sorry for your twisted type, all kinds of shameful assholez.
Load More Replies...
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