Mom Asks If She Is Wrong For Not Backing Down On Her Child’s Teacher Calling Her The Proper Name
Interview
Most of us have a preferred name that we like to be called. May it be our official name, a shortened version of it, our surname or just some nickname that somebody once called us and then it just stuck. However, there are also the same names or nicknames that we hate to be called by.
And while sometimes it may look like a small thing, there are people who take this seriously. You know, a funny story, once I got called a shortened version of my name that I hated and I just started crying. So yeah, sometimes people take it seriously.
More info: Reddit
If a person asks you to call them by their proper name, it would be nice if you could listen to their wishes
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Mom shares that her 14 Y.O. daughter Alexandra doesn’t like to be called by any other or shortened versions of her name
Image credits: u/Sudden-Difference767
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
However in school, her Spanish teacher insisted on calling her ‘Alejandra’ as a Spanish version of her name
Image credits: u/Sudden-Difference767
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Despite the teenager’s corrections, the teacher ignored it, thus that’s when the mother decided to interfere
Image credits: u/Sudden-Difference767
She contacted the teacher and asked her to call her daughter Alexandra if it’s not that big of a deal for her
A few days ago, one Reddit user shared her story, asking folks in one of the most judgmental communities if she was being a jerk for not backing down on her daughter’s teachers calling her the proper name. The post received a lot of attention and in just 4 days it had over 22.3K upvotes and 9K comments.
The author starts her story by explaining that her 14 Y.O. daughter Alexandra doesn’t like to be called any other version of her name, just the original. In middle school, her Spanish teacher started calling her ‘Alejandra’ – as the Spanish version of her name. However, the teenager corrected the teacher and she respected it.
But now she is in high school, and a new Spanish teacher started calling her by the Spanish version of her name. The main difference was that even after correction, the teacher didn’t pay attention to the teenager’s request. After OP’s daughter came back upset, she decided to write an email to the teacher. After a little argument, the teacher gave up, but OP’s husband says that she blew it out of proportion.
Community members gave the author the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge and discussed that OP was right to back her daughter up, but there were also opinions that it was not that big of a deal after all. “Just in case there was any doubt, my best friend is a John who has lived in Italy for twenty years, and nobody has ever – not once(!) – called him Giovanni,” one user wrote. “This is a prime example of how parents have become overbearing and exhausting,” another contradicted.
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Bored Panda got in touch with Samantha, who is a parental blogger and founder of Walking Outside in Slippers. She kindly agreed to share her insights regarding the importance of parents advocating for their children, when children should handle conflicts on their own and potential risks of always advocating for kids’ preferences.
“I feel it’s important for children to know they are supported by their parents,” Samantha says. She shares that despite encouraging kids to speak up for themselves, she respects parents’ decision to advocate on behalf of their kids’ wishes, especially when the child’s voice is not being heard.
“My daughter’s name is Josie, pronounced Jos-see, but people frequently mispronounce it Jos-zee. I don’t often say something when that happens because I understand the error, but it does bug me,” she shares. She states that she can appreciate a parent defending the correct pronunciation of their child’s name, but this situation seems a bit different. “Even so, I believe a teacher should respect the wishes of a child and parent when it comes to name pronunciation,” she added.
Now, speaking about situations when parents should allow their children to handle conflicts independently, Samantha shares that from her experience, empowering children to do that is important to their personal and social growth. However, some issues rise above their ability to handle. So, long story short, it’s on parents to use judgment on when and how to step it and help their child resolve conflict.
And finally, the parental blogger emphasizes that consistently jumping in to solve problems for a child isn’t doing them the service of teaching them independence and self advocacy. “You want to teach your children to resolve their own issues, which will be a tool they can use throughout their lives,” she states.
So guys, what do you think about this story? Was mom overstepping and daughter overreacting? Or was it disrespectful from a teacher’s side to call her the ‘Spanish version’? Write your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors had different opinions, though mostly folks wrote that teacher was in the wrong
If someone was called Miguel would we demand to call them Michael if they went to an English speaking country? A name isn’t just a name, it’s an identity, and by changing someone’s name without permission, it’s erasing that identity. I’m with the mum on this one.
I myself have an Italian name, yet I don't live in Italy, so my name isn't pronounced like the Italians would. However, when I go to Italy or the Italian speaking half of my country, they still pronounce my name the way I introduced myself and not locally. It seems like a really weak excuse to tell a student this would happen.
Good point about people in other countries using the person's preferred name. I'm in Canada and have colleagues from quite a few different origins. No one renames Alejandro or Barkhad. One colleague with a 4-syllable name shortened theirs, but that was their choice. Someone else kept all 3 syllables, so I practiced saying their name on my own.
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If teachers have to respect a student and refer to them by whichever gender they prefer, then they should sure as hell have to pronounce their name the way the student prefers. NTA.
Especially when the boy's French name sounds like a girl's name in English!
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I wonder why people saying YTA are so convinced that being called the way you don't want to be called is no big deal. Like, how can they possibly know what the girl's name means to her and what it feels like to her when her small and simple wish is met with disregard and even blame? And yes, it's really simple. Just being called Alexandra, not anything like María del Pilar Teresa Cayetana de Silva y Álvarez de Toledo, that would require certain effort and can be inconvenient during a school lesson.
Because it's a foreign language class. Have none of you ever taken a foreign language class? Everybody gets a stupid Spanish, or French, or German, or whatever name. It's to bring the feel of the language into the classroom. Not to erase anyone's identity. Sheesh. We can't even have basic foreign language curriculum without people getting offended now. It's ridiculous.
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I recently visited my 50th country for my 50th birthday. I have quite literally been around the world and have encountered countless languages and dialects, several of which most people have never even heard of. In every situation, in every place I’ve been, I’ve been called “Marco” or, on a rare occasion “Marcos.” So, with an emphatic “NO”, just because she visits a Spanish-speaking country does not mean they are not going to be able to pronounce her name correctly.
Honestly, I would have a chat about what's really a big deal in life. Is this REALLY a hill worth dying on? I get she has a preference, but this will not be the first time she encounters this and seems to really have a hard time with it. I would dig into that a big more. I had this same thing when I took French, but we had to pick totally different "French" names.
You're acting is though the child is the one with the problem. The teacher turned a small request into a big waste of time because in the end she's going to have to comply with whatever it is that the parents decided. She's a paid representative for the parents while the child is in the school. Her job is to do with the parents tell her to do with respect to their children and not interfere. Too many small-minded teachers in this country with a focus on only their own opinion and everyone else has to comply, but if you are a parent and you say something in defense of your children on something minor like this, they're going to argue with you?? Time to move your child out of that class. Obviously learning is not the major Point here it's some type of strange political stance
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I hated my name in French class. We got to pick our own names and were "encouraged" to pick ones close to our own names. I got stuck with "Lisette" because somebody else took my name! (Well, my name is a diminutive form of a French name.) I was never able to recognize it as "my name" so the teacher usually had to call on me a few times til I realized she was talking to me.
Oh French here, we had the same in English class. No one ever recognised themselves so teacher stopped that game. But in addition, people in France have all sort of name from Houda to Charlotte, from Dimitri to Léon... So "French name" is not really relevant. (Lisette is a old name, not really back on being a hit again, it was a things around WW2.)
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Wtf? Everyone deserves to be called by their own damn name. Maybe it’s a thing in language classes, my name is Rebekah, but for some reason my French teacher gave me a class name of Isabeau.. but if it was important for me to be called, Rebekah, then, absolutely that should’ve been respected. You’re definitely not the a*****e if you insist on being addressed by your own damn name.
My math teacher always called me "Jockaleen" instead of Jacqueline and I did not like it but he was really old and always gave me a D even though I was failing miserably so I just dealt with it. I hated the way it sounded, but it was just one hour a day. Teachers should be mindful to call children by their desired names. If someone is already bullied and kids pick up on one teacher calling a name they don't like, other kids might pick up on it and call them that all of the time
I know. imagine being so egotistical you think you can call someone a name they don't use against their wishes!
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THis should be a simple issue to straighten out. "In Spanish class we'd prefer it if you used the Spanish version of your name. If any of you don't want to, let me know." Alternatively, the teacher could ask the kids to choose a Spanish name to use while in class. If a kid doesn't want to change their name, it ends there. No point in wasting time on it. Frankly, this is a strange hill to die on for everybody. When you travel, the people in another country will call you with whatever name you ask them to, unless it's very difficult to pronounce for them (like, my real Italian name is hard for Americans to pronounce and impossible for Chinese speakers, so I use Mario or Marco which is easier for everybody).
I was confused by this for a bit because in my Chinese class, we don't get different names, but yeah I think it's kind of disrespectful to call someone the wrong name on purpose.
Yeah, I never got a different name in English class, we don't do that in here, just call people by their actual names. I agree that calling someone the wrong name is not nice at all.
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There was no Spanish equivalent of my name, so the teacher called me Ramon. Only 1 letter is shared by my real name. It turned me off from day 1!
I was once in a class where there was another gal with the same name as me, but the teacher already knew her from homeroom so when we had class together the teacher made me go by my middle name while the other gal didn't have to change hers because she was the "original one"- like it was a competition or ranking to see who got to keep their name. I hated this cuz I love my first name and I kinda like being called by that.
I’m another Alexandra who wants to be called by her proper name so I completely sympathise.
I'm actually torn on this one. We had a Spanish teacher who did this, but it was supposed to be like a fun thing for the class, not the teacher intentionally mis-pronouncing our names. It was especially fun for me with an extremely Irish name--there is no Spanish equivalent of my name (or even anything similar), so I just got to pick a whole new name. :D
If it's fun, great. If it's offensive, not okay.
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What if name didn't have equivalent in another language? Would teacher just choose random Spanish name? It's weird to call kids different names just because they're learning another language. And teacher's reasoning is ridiculous- if your name is Charles, you won't became Carlos just because you went to Spain.
Yes. They just pick a random name in that language.
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my name in spanish class was victoria, which is nothing like my real name. however, i was able to choose what spanish name i wanted. maybe if Alexandra had been given a choice, she would have chosen a name completely different from her own. since the teacher decided to force her own interpretation of Alexandra's name, i do feel like the mum was justified in insisting she be called WHAT SHE WANTS TO BE CALLED. it's called "consent"!
Although it might be for something immersive, NTA. If your daughter has *specifically* requested to be called Alexandra multiple times, we have a problem.
NTA Your name is your name. In situations like this I have found the best way to fix it is to respond only to what you wish to be called. Sorry no alejandra here, if you wish to speak to alexandra you may address her.
At no point in time will I answer to Cherie. My mom loved the Stevie wonder song but for some reason decided to spell it and pronounced it differently so that is not my name and nor is any other variation of it. If my name is spelled wrong I can deal with that as long as it's pronounced correctly. The mom is right.
if you dont want your name to be altered, then you dont. and its final.
NTA, the changing of names for a language class is stupid. I have a name that doesn't have a French equivalent and had to change my name to a completely different name in French classes. I absolutely hated it and wish I would have had the confidence to say something to the teacher. My friend Grigori from Russia isn't called Gregory now that he lives here, and my Dutch cousin D**k pronounces his name "Deek" no matter where he is in the world.
I live in a multi language and multi cultural country and I speak four languages. Nobody changes my name to their preferred language. It would be a nightmare on a daily basis, so I just find this whole issue rather absurd. I have one name, and personally I would become rather irritated if I was expected to answer to different pronunciations of my name every time I switch to another of the languages I speak.
Personally, I hate the way foreign-language teachers do this. Partly because my name in French sounds like the female equivalent of my name; it's sorta like being deliberately misgendered. But putting aside the misgendering, does anyone think it would be OK for an Anglo to call Geraldo Rivera, "Jerry?" (I do have plenty of Italian friends with English/American names whose parents call them by Italian versions of those names.) How about calling Carlos Santana, "Chuckie?" Or shall we call the Canadian Prime Minister, "Peter Trudeau?" Who would call Vladimir Putin, "Wally?" (I might be tempted to, but I'd stay away from balconies and tall stairways if I did.)
My maiden Surname was often mispronounced by those who should have known better. My typing teacher called role using our surnames and she said mine wrong every time and I corrected her each time instead of saying present. She never changed nor did eye. After marriage neighbours down the road said my new surname wrong and I always corrected them, which surprised them as my inlays had let them get away with it. Why is so hard for some folk to do the right thing and pronounce a name correct;u wjem corrected?
I think it's a respect issue for the student and she has a right to be treated with respect in class by the teacher.
I'm on the mom's side here. I took several language classes throughout my school years. Spanish, French, and Italian. None of my teachers ever tried to have me change my name nor did I know some teachers did this. My fiancé and his family are Dominican. His parents are immigrants. None of them have ever tried to address me by a different name because "that's what your name would be in our country". Is it not respectful to address someone by their actual name?
I remember my French teacher trying to do this, utterly scuppered with me, my name's is Welsh and contains a double l (weirdly when properly pronounced in Welsh not far off the Spanish pronunciation).
In most cases, I would have to side with the daughter. Ricardo or Rico is very different from Richard or Rick. But Alejandra is pretty much the way Alexandra is pronounced in Spanish. Even if it was spelled Alexandra in Spain it would still be pronounced Alexjandra. Having said that, as a Jr., my name is very important to me, and I make a big deal out of it all the time. I understand where Alexandra is coming from. I think the best thing to do would have been to tell her to have conversation after class alone with the teacher and explain that being called anything other than Alexandra is a trigger for her. She understands why she's being called Alejandra, but would very much appreciate it if the teacher could use her actual name. And if not, just stop responding to Alejandra.
I used to work with numerous people named David. The Davids from the US pronounced their names “Day-Vid”, and the Swedish Davids we worked with pronounced theirs “Dah-Veed”. Okay cool. I’ll do my best to get them all right.
I go by Jaclyn, always, never Jackie. I think it's not hard to pronounce but some people just get it completely wrong. My late mother-in-law was German with a thick accent and she pronounced my name Jacqueline. I never argued because tbh it's beautiful that way.
The funniest name conversion from high school Spanish in my time was when our teacher referred to a guy named Jay as Jota. (The J is pronounced with an H so it sounds like Ho-ta) It's the literal translation of the letter J. For some reason it always cracked us up. :)
I believe that names hold respect and have power. She should be able to go by her name how she prefers it in most cases. But as someone who has taken Spanish, French, German, and Latin, I haven't had a language class yet that hasn't done equivalent/linguistic names. She should try being assigned a Latin name. This could have been a lesson in "picking one's battles" and compromise. The teacher didn't shorten her Spanish name; the kid could have dealt with it. But now we have another spoiled child who will grow up to be irritatingly entitled, expecting every situation to cater to her. That may sound a bit extreme but I honestly don't believe that this is the first time she's had her mom (whether she wanted her to or not) interfere on her behalf to get her way.
This actually came up with my boyfriend, if we had "english" names in english class. I must have looked like I saw water burning. In norway this apparently this is also a thing, but in netherlands, where i had english, german and french no teacher ever did this. But for the reasoning that "if you movie to country x, they will call you with another name"? Eh, no? I moved to norway, with a french name. And while some people make something interesting out of it, nobody EVER had said "lets call you 'marie' instead". So, i dont get the reasoning. If it really should be a hill you need to die on, njah, maybe not, but if it shouldnt matter if they change it, then it shouldnt matter not changing it either
My thoughts exactly! Maybe because I'm Dutch too and being given a different name in a language class is absurd. Don't know why you got downvoted, so here is my upvote.
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my name is Sheena. it's a Scottish Name. I'm mostly English (do have some Scottish and Irish and Spanish heritage in the mix) name books say my name is "Scottish for Jane" it's not. it may have the same word root and the same meaning, but a name can't be translated like that. your name is your name. I live in England, and people don't call me Jane. they call me Sheena because that's my name. for those students that think it's fun to use the similar Spanish names, fair enough, but obviously this student prefers not to be called by the equivalent Spanish name. the teachers should respect that. if a French man comes to the UK, and his name is Jean, we don't call him John. that would be rude.
We don't insist on Anglicizing non-English names just because the student is in an English class, so why should the rules change for a Spanish, German or Chinese language class? It's a basic principle of law in every state in the US that a person has the right to call themself whatever they want as long as it isn't done for fraudulent or illegal purposes.
OP is teaching her daughter to stand up for herself AND that OP will ALWAYS have her back. Good job, OP!!!
FFS, talk about pearl-clutching. In high school German class, I was Karin, my friend Amy was Bianca, and Nicole was Katja. I mean, in my experience, "Katy" is impossible for people to pronounce. Yes, in the US. My own grandmother couldn't remember the y, so to her I was Katie, and half my teachers would see my name on day one and say either "cat-ee" or Kathy. I'm not even going to go into bosses and coworkers.
As someone who has people shorting my already shortened name (my name is Jacqueline, I go by Jackie, and people call me Jack because they think it's cute but I don't), I would also be annoyed and feel disrespected. It's very easy to call a person by the name they want. And this must be a Spanish class thing. I took German in high school and we didn't this.
This is so dumb. Nearly every foreign language class in schools have the students use that launguage's version of their names. It's not being disrespectful, it's part of the curriculum.
If your identity is threatened by someone mispronouncing your name, you're in for a rough life.
some people have problems. my first name's Karina, German pronunciation is Kaareena (emphasis on 2. syllable). ofc. my teacher in English class pronounced it like and English native would say it. My Finnish acquaintance pronounce my name with emphasis on the first syllable... no biggie
Several teachers mispronounced my name by adding letters that weren't there. I simply didn't respond until they got it right. Other students would correct the teacher. They all learned real fast. As for Spanish, my name doesn't translate. So teacher would move to students middle names. That doesn't translate either. SO teacher picks a Spanish name close to spelling. So my middle name is Grey and she decided to call me Gregario. Sorry, my middle name isn't Greg or Gregory nor have I ever been called by my middle name. I hated that class and teacher. Bet if I'd called her by whatever I chose I would've been sent to the principals office.
Wtf? Why are so many ppl against this mom! She did the right thing. A name isn't just a word. It's who you are. Nobody's name changes when they leave the confines of their country unless they want it to. If you don't wanna be called something or you want to be called something specific, then that's your right. It's not even something that would help this child learn Spanish! It's so dumb. It doesn't make any sense. This mama did good. She taught her daughter to stick up for herself & to not back down even when it would be a lot easier to just deal with it. That's something that is hard for kids, especially little girls to learn because we were always taught to "be polite" & "not make a scene" or just "suck it up & smile" ya know!? & that's not a good way to raise kids. Teach them to stand up for themselves in a respectful way of course & to know how to pick & choose their battles. This was a battle I would have chosen to fight too. There's no legit reason to call her a fake name.
So according to all YTA I can just call someone by a random name, that is NOT their actual name and they should be okay with that? What? This is actually one of the rudest things ever! I get that for some, even most, it would be fun to called a version of your name while learning the language that name comes from. But to use the wrong name, be corrected, and continue to use the wrong name? Nope, I'll give a few chances, correct you several times, if you continue to push I'll be rude back and if that still doesn't work I'll fully ignore you.
I'm a little curious if the daughter regrets this (or will grow to at some point). Most kids I know get excited about getting their new name in Spanish class. I'm a teacher (but not the Spanish teacher) so i hear plenty of complaints from students, but it's never been about their Spanish name. Especially those that have never really had a nickname. It's like a little inside joke that they share with the Spanish teacher. Sometimes they even start using that name by accident in their other classes since they think it's fun.
Be glad you don't have my name. Take one guess what my nickname was because of the pronunciation of a J.
I could understand if the teacher was just willfully calling this girl by the incorrect name, because I've had a teacher do to me, but in every Spanish class I've ever taken we used Spanish versions of our names, or something close at least. That's what you do in these classes.
I hated my first name most of my life because people could never get it right. In school, even after correcting teachers how to properly pronounce it they never got it right. At some point, I just shortened my name, and now the only people who call me by my actual first name is my mother.
I hate when people mangle my name. I'm MaryAnne. I hate Mary. I don't have a middle name either. I go by full name or Mar. Like mare like a horse. Not mar like the planet mars. Some do call me like the planet an it's funny. So I just correct them an usually they slip a few time but at least try. But I hate being called just Mary.
In French class, we were called me the French "version" of our names. Same with everyone who took any foreign language in high school. It's part of the experience. It's not a disrespect to anyone's actual name.
I'm a teacher. I try to pronounce my kids' names properly. Might take me a few tries but I'll get it. Sometimes they use a nickname. In the case of this girl, she's in the US, where people pronounce the "x" as "ex." If she went to Spain and people weren't used to saying a hard x, I'm sure she'd be fine with it being pronounced like an h. Respect how people want their name pronounced. Period. The teacher just sounds like she's on a power trip.
I think the naysayers are being thrown off by the spelling, even though this was verbal. Most Spanish speakers would indeed pronounce this as though it had the Spanish J. That is how they pronounce an X too. The little girl shouldn't be taking Spanish if she doesn't like it.
In high school Spanish class - EVERYONE got a Spanish version of their name, or a close equivalent. the whole point is to recreate a Spanish speaking environment.
In high school Spanish I chose Carmen as my name. My real name is Rebecca. It is just what you do in Spanish class...be called a Spanish name. Ok I wrote an email to a teacher one time. Last year or two years ago my middle schooler apparently was studying religion. When Christianity came up, they had to MEMORIZE A PRAYER FOR A GRADE. As a former Catholic, I said no way. I get learning about all the different religions. I am all for that. But memorizing a prayer for a grade is a no go. They did not have to memorize other religions prayers.
I room French all through high school. We had to choose a French name to use during class. Many names do not translate into French. I think mom and daughter are being silly.
My first name in Spanish is LOWra. 40 yrs ago we did this in Spanish class. My friends called me Lah-u-rah to tease me, and teased back with 'Mig wah lita," etc. I'm still friends with these ladies and we still tease each other with these names. I will say that 75% of my Uber drivers are Hispanic, and they pretty much always use the Spanish pronunciation. And I could not care less! Have fun and embrace variety!
This is a high school Spanish class not some made-up case of someone visiting/moving to a foreign country. This is a learning environment. They *gasp* want the students to think and speak in Spanish so they actually have consistency and learn the topic. Just another Karen and her Karen jr. making much ado about nothing.
Tell your daughter to grow up and stop being a "Karen". Good grief this country is screwed.
Yeah those forty minutes in a classroom per school day from the ages of 12-15 are definitely an immersive program that will breed fluency and a good understanding of a foreign culture, especially when your teacher is not a native speaker themselves. In all cultures it's considered polite to call people by the name they wish to be called.
Load More Replies... If someone was called Miguel would we demand to call them Michael if they went to an English speaking country? A name isn’t just a name, it’s an identity, and by changing someone’s name without permission, it’s erasing that identity. I’m with the mum on this one.
I myself have an Italian name, yet I don't live in Italy, so my name isn't pronounced like the Italians would. However, when I go to Italy or the Italian speaking half of my country, they still pronounce my name the way I introduced myself and not locally. It seems like a really weak excuse to tell a student this would happen.
Good point about people in other countries using the person's preferred name. I'm in Canada and have colleagues from quite a few different origins. No one renames Alejandro or Barkhad. One colleague with a 4-syllable name shortened theirs, but that was their choice. Someone else kept all 3 syllables, so I practiced saying their name on my own.
Load More Replies... If teachers have to respect a student and refer to them by whichever gender they prefer, then they should sure as hell have to pronounce their name the way the student prefers. NTA.
Especially when the boy's French name sounds like a girl's name in English!
Load More Replies... I wonder why people saying YTA are so convinced that being called the way you don't want to be called is no big deal. Like, how can they possibly know what the girl's name means to her and what it feels like to her when her small and simple wish is met with disregard and even blame? And yes, it's really simple. Just being called Alexandra, not anything like María del Pilar Teresa Cayetana de Silva y Álvarez de Toledo, that would require certain effort and can be inconvenient during a school lesson.
Because it's a foreign language class. Have none of you ever taken a foreign language class? Everybody gets a stupid Spanish, or French, or German, or whatever name. It's to bring the feel of the language into the classroom. Not to erase anyone's identity. Sheesh. We can't even have basic foreign language curriculum without people getting offended now. It's ridiculous.
Load More Replies... I recently visited my 50th country for my 50th birthday. I have quite literally been around the world and have encountered countless languages and dialects, several of which most people have never even heard of. In every situation, in every place I’ve been, I’ve been called “Marco” or, on a rare occasion “Marcos.” So, with an emphatic “NO”, just because she visits a Spanish-speaking country does not mean they are not going to be able to pronounce her name correctly.
Honestly, I would have a chat about what's really a big deal in life. Is this REALLY a hill worth dying on? I get she has a preference, but this will not be the first time she encounters this and seems to really have a hard time with it. I would dig into that a big more. I had this same thing when I took French, but we had to pick totally different "French" names.
You're acting is though the child is the one with the problem. The teacher turned a small request into a big waste of time because in the end she's going to have to comply with whatever it is that the parents decided. She's a paid representative for the parents while the child is in the school. Her job is to do with the parents tell her to do with respect to their children and not interfere. Too many small-minded teachers in this country with a focus on only their own opinion and everyone else has to comply, but if you are a parent and you say something in defense of your children on something minor like this, they're going to argue with you?? Time to move your child out of that class. Obviously learning is not the major Point here it's some type of strange political stance
Load More Replies... I hated my name in French class. We got to pick our own names and were "encouraged" to pick ones close to our own names. I got stuck with "Lisette" because somebody else took my name! (Well, my name is a diminutive form of a French name.) I was never able to recognize it as "my name" so the teacher usually had to call on me a few times til I realized she was talking to me.
Oh French here, we had the same in English class. No one ever recognised themselves so teacher stopped that game. But in addition, people in France have all sort of name from Houda to Charlotte, from Dimitri to Léon... So "French name" is not really relevant. (Lisette is a old name, not really back on being a hit again, it was a things around WW2.)
Load More Replies... Wtf? Everyone deserves to be called by their own damn name. Maybe it’s a thing in language classes, my name is Rebekah, but for some reason my French teacher gave me a class name of Isabeau.. but if it was important for me to be called, Rebekah, then, absolutely that should’ve been respected. You’re definitely not the a*****e if you insist on being addressed by your own damn name.
My math teacher always called me "Jockaleen" instead of Jacqueline and I did not like it but he was really old and always gave me a D even though I was failing miserably so I just dealt with it. I hated the way it sounded, but it was just one hour a day. Teachers should be mindful to call children by their desired names. If someone is already bullied and kids pick up on one teacher calling a name they don't like, other kids might pick up on it and call them that all of the time
I know. imagine being so egotistical you think you can call someone a name they don't use against their wishes!
Load More Replies... THis should be a simple issue to straighten out. "In Spanish class we'd prefer it if you used the Spanish version of your name. If any of you don't want to, let me know." Alternatively, the teacher could ask the kids to choose a Spanish name to use while in class. If a kid doesn't want to change their name, it ends there. No point in wasting time on it. Frankly, this is a strange hill to die on for everybody. When you travel, the people in another country will call you with whatever name you ask them to, unless it's very difficult to pronounce for them (like, my real Italian name is hard for Americans to pronounce and impossible for Chinese speakers, so I use Mario or Marco which is easier for everybody).
I was confused by this for a bit because in my Chinese class, we don't get different names, but yeah I think it's kind of disrespectful to call someone the wrong name on purpose.
Yeah, I never got a different name in English class, we don't do that in here, just call people by their actual names. I agree that calling someone the wrong name is not nice at all.
Load More Replies... There was no Spanish equivalent of my name, so the teacher called me Ramon. Only 1 letter is shared by my real name. It turned me off from day 1!
I was once in a class where there was another gal with the same name as me, but the teacher already knew her from homeroom so when we had class together the teacher made me go by my middle name while the other gal didn't have to change hers because she was the "original one"- like it was a competition or ranking to see who got to keep their name. I hated this cuz I love my first name and I kinda like being called by that.
I’m another Alexandra who wants to be called by her proper name so I completely sympathise.
I'm actually torn on this one. We had a Spanish teacher who did this, but it was supposed to be like a fun thing for the class, not the teacher intentionally mis-pronouncing our names. It was especially fun for me with an extremely Irish name--there is no Spanish equivalent of my name (or even anything similar), so I just got to pick a whole new name. :D
If it's fun, great. If it's offensive, not okay.
Load More Replies... What if name didn't have equivalent in another language? Would teacher just choose random Spanish name? It's weird to call kids different names just because they're learning another language. And teacher's reasoning is ridiculous- if your name is Charles, you won't became Carlos just because you went to Spain.
Yes. They just pick a random name in that language.
Load More Replies... my name in spanish class was victoria, which is nothing like my real name. however, i was able to choose what spanish name i wanted. maybe if Alexandra had been given a choice, she would have chosen a name completely different from her own. since the teacher decided to force her own interpretation of Alexandra's name, i do feel like the mum was justified in insisting she be called WHAT SHE WANTS TO BE CALLED. it's called "consent"!
Although it might be for something immersive, NTA. If your daughter has *specifically* requested to be called Alexandra multiple times, we have a problem.
NTA Your name is your name. In situations like this I have found the best way to fix it is to respond only to what you wish to be called. Sorry no alejandra here, if you wish to speak to alexandra you may address her.
At no point in time will I answer to Cherie. My mom loved the Stevie wonder song but for some reason decided to spell it and pronounced it differently so that is not my name and nor is any other variation of it. If my name is spelled wrong I can deal with that as long as it's pronounced correctly. The mom is right.
if you dont want your name to be altered, then you dont. and its final.
NTA, the changing of names for a language class is stupid. I have a name that doesn't have a French equivalent and had to change my name to a completely different name in French classes. I absolutely hated it and wish I would have had the confidence to say something to the teacher. My friend Grigori from Russia isn't called Gregory now that he lives here, and my Dutch cousin D**k pronounces his name "Deek" no matter where he is in the world.
I live in a multi language and multi cultural country and I speak four languages. Nobody changes my name to their preferred language. It would be a nightmare on a daily basis, so I just find this whole issue rather absurd. I have one name, and personally I would become rather irritated if I was expected to answer to different pronunciations of my name every time I switch to another of the languages I speak.
Personally, I hate the way foreign-language teachers do this. Partly because my name in French sounds like the female equivalent of my name; it's sorta like being deliberately misgendered. But putting aside the misgendering, does anyone think it would be OK for an Anglo to call Geraldo Rivera, "Jerry?" (I do have plenty of Italian friends with English/American names whose parents call them by Italian versions of those names.) How about calling Carlos Santana, "Chuckie?" Or shall we call the Canadian Prime Minister, "Peter Trudeau?" Who would call Vladimir Putin, "Wally?" (I might be tempted to, but I'd stay away from balconies and tall stairways if I did.)
My maiden Surname was often mispronounced by those who should have known better. My typing teacher called role using our surnames and she said mine wrong every time and I corrected her each time instead of saying present. She never changed nor did eye. After marriage neighbours down the road said my new surname wrong and I always corrected them, which surprised them as my inlays had let them get away with it. Why is so hard for some folk to do the right thing and pronounce a name correct;u wjem corrected?
I think it's a respect issue for the student and she has a right to be treated with respect in class by the teacher.
I'm on the mom's side here. I took several language classes throughout my school years. Spanish, French, and Italian. None of my teachers ever tried to have me change my name nor did I know some teachers did this. My fiancé and his family are Dominican. His parents are immigrants. None of them have ever tried to address me by a different name because "that's what your name would be in our country". Is it not respectful to address someone by their actual name?
I remember my French teacher trying to do this, utterly scuppered with me, my name's is Welsh and contains a double l (weirdly when properly pronounced in Welsh not far off the Spanish pronunciation).
In most cases, I would have to side with the daughter. Ricardo or Rico is very different from Richard or Rick. But Alejandra is pretty much the way Alexandra is pronounced in Spanish. Even if it was spelled Alexandra in Spain it would still be pronounced Alexjandra. Having said that, as a Jr., my name is very important to me, and I make a big deal out of it all the time. I understand where Alexandra is coming from. I think the best thing to do would have been to tell her to have conversation after class alone with the teacher and explain that being called anything other than Alexandra is a trigger for her. She understands why she's being called Alejandra, but would very much appreciate it if the teacher could use her actual name. And if not, just stop responding to Alejandra.
I used to work with numerous people named David. The Davids from the US pronounced their names “Day-Vid”, and the Swedish Davids we worked with pronounced theirs “Dah-Veed”. Okay cool. I’ll do my best to get them all right.
I go by Jaclyn, always, never Jackie. I think it's not hard to pronounce but some people just get it completely wrong. My late mother-in-law was German with a thick accent and she pronounced my name Jacqueline. I never argued because tbh it's beautiful that way.
The funniest name conversion from high school Spanish in my time was when our teacher referred to a guy named Jay as Jota. (The J is pronounced with an H so it sounds like Ho-ta) It's the literal translation of the letter J. For some reason it always cracked us up. :)
I believe that names hold respect and have power. She should be able to go by her name how she prefers it in most cases. But as someone who has taken Spanish, French, German, and Latin, I haven't had a language class yet that hasn't done equivalent/linguistic names. She should try being assigned a Latin name. This could have been a lesson in "picking one's battles" and compromise. The teacher didn't shorten her Spanish name; the kid could have dealt with it. But now we have another spoiled child who will grow up to be irritatingly entitled, expecting every situation to cater to her. That may sound a bit extreme but I honestly don't believe that this is the first time she's had her mom (whether she wanted her to or not) interfere on her behalf to get her way.
This actually came up with my boyfriend, if we had "english" names in english class. I must have looked like I saw water burning. In norway this apparently this is also a thing, but in netherlands, where i had english, german and french no teacher ever did this. But for the reasoning that "if you movie to country x, they will call you with another name"? Eh, no? I moved to norway, with a french name. And while some people make something interesting out of it, nobody EVER had said "lets call you 'marie' instead". So, i dont get the reasoning. If it really should be a hill you need to die on, njah, maybe not, but if it shouldnt matter if they change it, then it shouldnt matter not changing it either
My thoughts exactly! Maybe because I'm Dutch too and being given a different name in a language class is absurd. Don't know why you got downvoted, so here is my upvote.
Load More Replies... my name is Sheena. it's a Scottish Name. I'm mostly English (do have some Scottish and Irish and Spanish heritage in the mix) name books say my name is "Scottish for Jane" it's not. it may have the same word root and the same meaning, but a name can't be translated like that. your name is your name. I live in England, and people don't call me Jane. they call me Sheena because that's my name. for those students that think it's fun to use the similar Spanish names, fair enough, but obviously this student prefers not to be called by the equivalent Spanish name. the teachers should respect that. if a French man comes to the UK, and his name is Jean, we don't call him John. that would be rude.
We don't insist on Anglicizing non-English names just because the student is in an English class, so why should the rules change for a Spanish, German or Chinese language class? It's a basic principle of law in every state in the US that a person has the right to call themself whatever they want as long as it isn't done for fraudulent or illegal purposes.
OP is teaching her daughter to stand up for herself AND that OP will ALWAYS have her back. Good job, OP!!!
FFS, talk about pearl-clutching. In high school German class, I was Karin, my friend Amy was Bianca, and Nicole was Katja. I mean, in my experience, "Katy" is impossible for people to pronounce. Yes, in the US. My own grandmother couldn't remember the y, so to her I was Katie, and half my teachers would see my name on day one and say either "cat-ee" or Kathy. I'm not even going to go into bosses and coworkers.
As someone who has people shorting my already shortened name (my name is Jacqueline, I go by Jackie, and people call me Jack because they think it's cute but I don't), I would also be annoyed and feel disrespected. It's very easy to call a person by the name they want. And this must be a Spanish class thing. I took German in high school and we didn't this.
This is so dumb. Nearly every foreign language class in schools have the students use that launguage's version of their names. It's not being disrespectful, it's part of the curriculum.
If your identity is threatened by someone mispronouncing your name, you're in for a rough life.
some people have problems. my first name's Karina, German pronunciation is Kaareena (emphasis on 2. syllable). ofc. my teacher in English class pronounced it like and English native would say it. My Finnish acquaintance pronounce my name with emphasis on the first syllable... no biggie
Several teachers mispronounced my name by adding letters that weren't there. I simply didn't respond until they got it right. Other students would correct the teacher. They all learned real fast. As for Spanish, my name doesn't translate. So teacher would move to students middle names. That doesn't translate either. SO teacher picks a Spanish name close to spelling. So my middle name is Grey and she decided to call me Gregario. Sorry, my middle name isn't Greg or Gregory nor have I ever been called by my middle name. I hated that class and teacher. Bet if I'd called her by whatever I chose I would've been sent to the principals office.
Wtf? Why are so many ppl against this mom! She did the right thing. A name isn't just a word. It's who you are. Nobody's name changes when they leave the confines of their country unless they want it to. If you don't wanna be called something or you want to be called something specific, then that's your right. It's not even something that would help this child learn Spanish! It's so dumb. It doesn't make any sense. This mama did good. She taught her daughter to stick up for herself & to not back down even when it would be a lot easier to just deal with it. That's something that is hard for kids, especially little girls to learn because we were always taught to "be polite" & "not make a scene" or just "suck it up & smile" ya know!? & that's not a good way to raise kids. Teach them to stand up for themselves in a respectful way of course & to know how to pick & choose their battles. This was a battle I would have chosen to fight too. There's no legit reason to call her a fake name.
So according to all YTA I can just call someone by a random name, that is NOT their actual name and they should be okay with that? What? This is actually one of the rudest things ever! I get that for some, even most, it would be fun to called a version of your name while learning the language that name comes from. But to use the wrong name, be corrected, and continue to use the wrong name? Nope, I'll give a few chances, correct you several times, if you continue to push I'll be rude back and if that still doesn't work I'll fully ignore you.
I'm a little curious if the daughter regrets this (or will grow to at some point). Most kids I know get excited about getting their new name in Spanish class. I'm a teacher (but not the Spanish teacher) so i hear plenty of complaints from students, but it's never been about their Spanish name. Especially those that have never really had a nickname. It's like a little inside joke that they share with the Spanish teacher. Sometimes they even start using that name by accident in their other classes since they think it's fun.
Be glad you don't have my name. Take one guess what my nickname was because of the pronunciation of a J.
I could understand if the teacher was just willfully calling this girl by the incorrect name, because I've had a teacher do to me, but in every Spanish class I've ever taken we used Spanish versions of our names, or something close at least. That's what you do in these classes.
I hated my first name most of my life because people could never get it right. In school, even after correcting teachers how to properly pronounce it they never got it right. At some point, I just shortened my name, and now the only people who call me by my actual first name is my mother.
I hate when people mangle my name. I'm MaryAnne. I hate Mary. I don't have a middle name either. I go by full name or Mar. Like mare like a horse. Not mar like the planet mars. Some do call me like the planet an it's funny. So I just correct them an usually they slip a few time but at least try. But I hate being called just Mary.
In French class, we were called me the French "version" of our names. Same with everyone who took any foreign language in high school. It's part of the experience. It's not a disrespect to anyone's actual name.
I'm a teacher. I try to pronounce my kids' names properly. Might take me a few tries but I'll get it. Sometimes they use a nickname. In the case of this girl, she's in the US, where people pronounce the "x" as "ex." If she went to Spain and people weren't used to saying a hard x, I'm sure she'd be fine with it being pronounced like an h. Respect how people want their name pronounced. Period. The teacher just sounds like she's on a power trip.
I think the naysayers are being thrown off by the spelling, even though this was verbal. Most Spanish speakers would indeed pronounce this as though it had the Spanish J. That is how they pronounce an X too. The little girl shouldn't be taking Spanish if she doesn't like it.
In high school Spanish class - EVERYONE got a Spanish version of their name, or a close equivalent. the whole point is to recreate a Spanish speaking environment.
In high school Spanish I chose Carmen as my name. My real name is Rebecca. It is just what you do in Spanish class...be called a Spanish name. Ok I wrote an email to a teacher one time. Last year or two years ago my middle schooler apparently was studying religion. When Christianity came up, they had to MEMORIZE A PRAYER FOR A GRADE. As a former Catholic, I said no way. I get learning about all the different religions. I am all for that. But memorizing a prayer for a grade is a no go. They did not have to memorize other religions prayers.
I room French all through high school. We had to choose a French name to use during class. Many names do not translate into French. I think mom and daughter are being silly.
My first name in Spanish is LOWra. 40 yrs ago we did this in Spanish class. My friends called me Lah-u-rah to tease me, and teased back with 'Mig wah lita," etc. I'm still friends with these ladies and we still tease each other with these names. I will say that 75% of my Uber drivers are Hispanic, and they pretty much always use the Spanish pronunciation. And I could not care less! Have fun and embrace variety!
This is a high school Spanish class not some made-up case of someone visiting/moving to a foreign country. This is a learning environment. They *gasp* want the students to think and speak in Spanish so they actually have consistency and learn the topic. Just another Karen and her Karen jr. making much ado about nothing.
Tell your daughter to grow up and stop being a "Karen". Good grief this country is screwed.
Yeah those forty minutes in a classroom per school day from the ages of 12-15 are definitely an immersive program that will breed fluency and a good understanding of a foreign culture, especially when your teacher is not a native speaker themselves. In all cultures it's considered polite to call people by the name they wish to be called.
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