Mom Deals With Daughter’s Bully On Her Own Terms After Teacher And Principal Won’t Help
Interview
Lunch time is one of the most exciting parts of the day for students. Finally, a chance to relax, chat with your friends and show off that adorable lunch box your parents let you pick out over the summer.
But after one little girl showed up to school with a fancy bento box, a bully decided that she deserved to have it instead. Below, you’ll find a story that a frustrated mama bear shared on Reddit, wondering if she was wrong for getting revenge on her daughter’s bully, as well as a conversation with the mother herself.
This mother was confused as to why her daughter’s bento box didn’t make it home from school one day
Image credits: kenishirotie (not the actual photo)
But after hearing that another classmate took it, she decided to get revenge on the young bully
Image credits: Sandra Seitamaa (not the actual photo)
Later, the mom provided additional information on the situation
Image credits: superricecnt
Image credits: visootu2 (not the actual photo)
Bullying is sadly very common in schools, even among elementary school students
Bullying is an experience we all hope our children won’t encounter in school, but still fear that they might. And unfortunately, it starts at a shockingly young age. According to Together Against Bullying, one third of elementary school students report being bullied at school, including one in five kindergarten students. These children are so young that they’ll experience a different type of teasing than older kids, but that doesn’t mean that the behavior is ever acceptable.
Schools often aren’t doing enough to combat bullying either, as the National Bullying Prevention Center notes that 41% of students who reported bullying at school worry that it will still happen again. While there’s a wide variety of behaviors that can be classified as bullying, the most commonly reported issues were being made fun of, called names or insulted; being the subject of rumors; being pushed, shoved, tripped or spit on; and being excluded from activities on purpose. Female students also report bullying at slightly higher rates than their male peers, as nearly a quarter of girls speak up about their bullies, while only 17% of boys do the same.
To learn more about this specific situation, we reached out to the mother who shared her story online, Reddit user Superricecnt, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. Thankfully, she shared that her daughter is doing great now and is looking forward to being homeschooled. “She found out that being homeschooled means she gets to be home all day, so she’s more than excited!” her mother shared.
Image credits: Pressmaster (not the actual photo)
“Please don’t give up on defending your kids”
As far as why the school didn’t see the bullying in this story as an issue, Superricecnt says she believes bullying is one of the main problems in schools that administrations don’t take serious. “And honestly, it has a lot to do with the admins being ignorant to it and just pretending that it doesn’t happen because they hate the bad press that comes with it,” the OP noted. “I went up to the school at least twice a week before the lunch dumping happened, and each time I would get told, ‘It’ll be handled.’ But my daughter would still come home with this look of defeat on her face. If you’re a mama or a parent, you know the look I’m talking about.”
We were also curious what the OP thought about the reactions her post received. “I want to thank all those who took my side and understood where I was coming from,” she says. “And for those who didn’t, I don’t have too many words. I feel like as soon as I mentioned dumping the lunch out of the lunchbox, I was immediately the villain.” But Superricecnt says she doesn’t mind the label.
The mother also shared some words of advice for any parents out there who notice their kids are being bullied. “Please don’t give up on defending your kids. Don’t be scared to take it a little step further to get justice, because sometimes crossing the line is what you need to do.”
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Bullying can take a huge toll on victims, so schools and parents should do everything in their power to eliminate this behavior
It’s no secret that bullying can take a huge toll on victims, affecting them for possibly the rest of their lives. Students who experience bullying are at an increased risk of developing depression, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, doing poorly in school, or even dropping out of school altogether. Unsurprisingly, bullying can also be detrimental for a student’s self-image, their relationships with friends and family, their school performance and their physical health. In fact, bullied students are twice as likely as their peers to report experiencing headaches and stomachaches, perhaps due to stress.
So what are parents to do when their child’s school doesn’t take the issue of bullying seriously enough? Apparently, schools often downplay bullying because they have limited resources to investigate, they have other priorities, they have no evidence of the bullying, they don’t have a bullying intervention program in place, they believe misconceptions about bullying, and/or they consider bullying to be a rite of passage all kids experience. But Lena Suarez-Angelino, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker, told Verywell Family that parents can step in to prevent bullying as well. “Most states also have both laws and policies in place for anti-bullying,” Suarez-Angelino says. “Parents can continue to go up the chain of command, including contacting the superintendent and those overseeing the school district. Parents may also want to file a police report for further advocacy and protection.”
Feel free to share your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mother was right to dump the girl’s lunch in the trash? Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article, we recommend reading this one discussing getting revenge on bullies!
Readers assured the mother that she was right to stand up for her daughter, and she chimed in on the conversation in the comments
And school refuse to do anything about bullying... how unexpected. And I don't understand why OP!s sister thought that they should let Audrey keep bento. Even if it was cheap plastic lunchbox, Audrey still taken something that's not hers.
I've encountered a lot of people who think just giving in will keep the peace rather than continue to enable bad behavior. It's a complete lack of foresight and a poor understanding of human behavior. I wonder if Audrey is a little thief because her parents are of the same mind and don't provide their daughter with the proper guidance.
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What I find most baffling is that "Audrey" brought the bento box to school the next day - with her own lunch in it?! So she magically brings home a bento box home out of nowhere and parents don't ask where she got it? Did this all go "Oh neat, now we can pack you nice lunches!" and off she went the next day with a brand new bento box?! What kind of parents would not question this?
Audrey is a sucky kid which means she's learning that behavior from some WAAAAAAY shìttier parents.
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It doesn't matter if the Bento Box cost $5.00 or $500.00. It could have been a brown paper bag; it did not belong to Audrey and she stole it. Her parent and the school administrators downplaying her act of thievery is giving Audrey the wrong message. I know that her parents better nip this behavior in the bud now cause later in life someone who does not love her, like the police, will.
Sadly, schools are often unwilling to confront bullying head-on, mainly because they are afraid of having to confront the bully and/or their parents. Considering the damage bullying can do to a young mind, I'm a supporter of a no-tolerance approach. I don't care if you think that bullying is just "kids being kids" or that it teaches resilience or whatever. These parents should have been put on notice that their child is a bully and that she is to stop that behaviour immediately and if she doesn't, she will be expelled. Too harsh? Nothing compared to the mental damage bullied children sustain and will suffer from throughout their lives. Personally, my son was bullied by a particular boy at primary school. Teacher tried "to talk it out" without success of course. My husband and I then decided: enough is enough. If the school doesn't step in, we will. We told the school that if our son was bullied again, he had our permission to defend himself in whatever way was necessary.
What's with all those "don't throw away food" replies? It was ONE meal, it won't feed all hungry people. It's a GESTURE to show that of all the adults in Audrey's life, this one is not going to fool around. And no kid dies from not eating one lunch, even if the school didn't offer free lunch. In fact, it would have been a valuable lesson, too. At 6 years, Audrey is not too young to make the connection "bully X -> suffering"
My thoughts exactly: Audrey was given a precious lesson about why she should not steal. This angry mum not only helped her daughter, she also helped a young bully to change before it's too late. Or so I hope!
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I'd have been livid that no one was making the bully accountable for the theft of the bento box! LIVID! What the heck about letting the thief use it for the day??? What a messed up world we live in!
If this were in the UK (I don't know how it works in the States) I would make a formal complaint to the school asking them incredibly clearly why they are supporting bullying and theft. I would complain to Ofsted, the school board of governors, and the local education authority. Doesn't matter if it's "just a lunchbox" the school is supporting theft. I'm fuming on OP's behalf. I would also ask an official record of my complaint and the incident be recorded by the school. And finally I'd probably threaten the bully's parents saying if she touches one more item of my child's I'd be involving the police.
Since Mom is saying that it's not their first run-in with Audrey, I would be printing out all of the previous complaints and coming into the meeting with a binder. I will never understand why schools (and universities!) are always so keen on letting these little shitheads off the hook. If an adult is constantly harassing a coworker, they'd be kicked out of the workplace. School is that child's "workplace" and the teachers are essentially HR. So why does the mom have to come in for the same kid over and over again?
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I don't understand why the school would reward Audrey & let her use the box she STOLE and then lied about. I would have dumped the lunch on the principals desk.
when my daughter was in middle school they preached zero tolerance on bullying, another girl who used to be my daughter's friend when they were younger started bullying her. so naturally we brought it to the principal because when my daughter had complained to staff nothing was done. eventually a conference was arranged between the daughters and their mother's, and wouldn't you know it the girls mom was the biggest bully and was threatening to sue if anything was done to her "baby" and naturally nothing was done about it.
She's not TA over this, though it was very immature. That said, her tone makes me believe she is AN AH in general... I bet she calls herself a "mama bear" as well.
So he spit into the bully's open mouth. We got a summons from teacher. Told her she didn't do her job. Also told her we would take it higher-up if bullying continued. Fortunately for her, it didn't, otherwise we would have taken the school to court for not ensuring a safe learning environment. Excessive? No. There is no excuse for bullying.
at 6 years old anyone that took something from me {which was a lot cause I was albino in a tiny Japanese town full of old people so they always thought "OMG DEMON" >_>} so I would always have to hit or bite the other kids to keep them from my stuff [this did not help the "demon" image} my mother would go to the cops over and over or to the school, but never helped, it ended with her being killed and me leaving there for the USA so, yeah good on this mom for being there for their kid, as someone that had a mother that fought and sadly lost, I hope them the best!
That's a really sad and terrible story... I hope you have a good life now and I'm sorry that happened to you
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Something I learned the traumatic way: if your kid is being bullied and their Bully's parents DGAF the school will ALWAYS try to make your kid the problem
Standard governent response: take thief/aggressor's side. They empathize with their own.
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For people commenting about the $50.00 bento box; in addition to cutting down on plastic waste, it was a gift, so it has sentimental value. I would assume there might be some other types of coveted lunch containers out there, such as sports merch insulated mini pic-nic bags. It is not about the bento box, it is about strealing, bullying, and being held accountable.
My daughter (kindergarten and small for her age) was being bullied by a larger boy. I reported and complained on a regular basis. "Oh, he must have a crush on her" and "Boys will be boys" type bullsh*t responses. She started having digestive issues from the stress. Nothing. So, I taught her some self defense moves and the next time he started picking on her she kicked him so hard in the nuts that he vomited. NOW I've got their attention. Parents/principal meeting. His parents had no idea anything was amiss. I had a file folder with dates & times. The Dad (also a bully) starts in on me for making a big deal out of nothing & I informed him that I would be happy to file sexual assault charges on Jr. for pulling my FIVE YEAR OLD's pants down on the playground, which shut him up real f*cking quick. They transferred him to another school the next day. (I called that school's principal and gave her a head's up).
Sounds like you owned that bully an she got what apparently her mom doesn't do..got told no. And wtf did bully's mom think packing a lunch for the kid in a box with someone else's name in it? Entitled family there. Now bully gets to know what it's like. I'm sure the rest of school will start to stand up to that kid finally.
Only thing she did wrong IMO was not dumping it on the principles desk directly.
This is like the bully stealing my child's lunch, who had the balls to turn around and gloat how much they enjoyed eating my kids food and request more for the next day! I told him to go ask his parents instead and that since he was so grand maybe he wouldn't mind if I took his food from now on cause I fancied it. He was horrified, I deliberately packed the crappiest lunch I could find and kept other food hidden. This buly was really sly and went from child to child kicking, tormenting and teasing until he got what he wanted. His parents couldn't care less.
Clearly NTA. Infact I think those teachers need to be taught a lesson too. When the teacher said to let the kid have the box, you could have explained your kid in front of the teachers that it's ok to take other's stuff if you like and then should have proceeded to take the most expensive items from that room with you, giving them to your kid as a gift. Believe me, those teachers would not only say sorry to you but would have punished the bully as well. Petty is the way to go!
I'm another random grandma who totally agrees that a punch in the nose one time will definitely solve a bully problem. Likely not a popular opinion, but I've seen it in action many times and it works. Advised my three daughters in grade school that if they were being bullied I'd completely have their back if they threw a punch, but god help you if I find out you were the bully.
If the teacher, Principal and the Billy's mom were notified about Audrey's bad behavior and did nothing then Audrey would've been hit upside the head by my kid. And if they decided to act after my child took it there they would be next. Period. OP handled it better than I would've !!
The teacher thinks because it's a lunchbox it doesn't matter if it was taken? I've been in a school district working in administration for 11 years. I detest teachers. A majority of them are whiney, complaining beings with absolutely no common sense. Makes me wonder what colleges actually teach for an education degree. And kudos to Mom! I would have done the same thing. Schools are run by educators....meaning they know nothing about people or personality or motivation or really anything. Bullying kids should be sent to a whole new facility full of bullies.
Good for you mama!! You're the only one on your child's side AND you showed those spineless AHs at the school howe the bully should have been dealt with. Bullying needs to stop but when the people in positions to stomp it out (teachers) sit on their hands and/or turn a blind eye, that's when vigalante justice comes into play, and for no other reason then the ones who could have done something chose not to.
Audrey's parents don't care about her. You can tell by the fact they wont teach her right from wrong. Sad really
Mama rules! This is how you do it! Put the brat in her place!! Worthless thief!
I'm siding with Mom here. NTA. The school needs to learn that allowing theft and bullying is not okay. F**k all the staff for not being willing to stand up for a six year old. Adults who want to work in schools, need to show children that they can be trusted to help and protect the students when they are away from their parents for hours. Also, Audrey needs to learn not to lie and steal things. The school should send a nasty letter to Audrey's parents, who are clearly not doing their jobs.
The kid is a product of her environment. She should have consequences for stealing, but clearly the parent doesn't care as they packed her lunch in it. I would not have thrown out the food, but I would have removed it from the lunch box and taken it back. Absolutely ridiculous that no one is backing the little girl being bullied.
NTA - It takes a village to raise a child. Audrey’s village is seriously failing her by letting her do what she wants without consequence. You just gave her another perspective
i dealt with this kind of school in the 90s when my kid was in jr. high. there was a wannabe gang that would harass & eventually beat on my son. the 'leader' was a little short snot-let's call him bob. nothing was done after several meetings. then, while on "neighborhood patrol" (just to make sure little kids weren't bothered by older ones) w/my son on halloween night we see bob & his minions. he started making comments to my son so i go up to him. he says 'what are you going to do-i'm a minor so you can't touch me'. my response: yes, you are a minor but i have more money than you and i can hire a minor to kick the s**t out you if you don't stop being an a*****e. his face fell. eventually had to go to the ed supervisor and threaten to use stalking laws to pursue them to take action. my son later told me that bob was removed from school & sent to the secondary school which was for kids who had isses.
NYA: Wouldn't matter what item was. It's your daughters. Good job Mamma. Now I'm going to go Google bento box lol
WTF didn't Audrey's mom do anything about the fact that SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME was in a box SHE HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE? Oh wait...
The cost doesn't matter. I would have called the police and filed a theft report. I would have also listed the teacher and principal as accessories to theft and forced them into court and the public limelight. I do NOT tolerate bullying behavior or those who try to brush it off. Growing up, I (62m) used violence on bullies once I was fed up and tolerated enough. I was always suspended for retaliating, but it was worth it.
You are an incredible mom. Not only did "Aubrey" need to see the results of her actions but as others have said, your daughter needed to know that she doesn't need to be a victim and that her mom, her role model, would always have her back. This is how courages little people are made.
THIS HIT HOME! My son's lunchbox was stolen. It was new & very unique, limited edition. He was in the 1st grade & it really upset him, his feelings were extremely hurt. We never found out who took it & unable to replace it. Fast forward 35 yrs later, I found one on-line in really excellent condition & I purchased it. Anyway, come Christmas, I wrapped it up & it was the last present he opened. At 41 yrs old, when he saw it, he looked at me & his face was priceless. It has since been displayed in a coveted spot at his place. It was a hard life lesson for him when young but wow, the outcome was perfection.
I love that you did that for your son!
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Even if she was going to be starving on that day, she deserved it. Teachers reacted in a pathetic way, I was a good shy kid who was bullied and I was told to just ignore it, abusive kids never got punished. This is so typical, she's a great mother.
and another school who punishes bully victims and rewards the bullies
My brothers pen was stolen in school. The kid who stole it claimed it was his. My mum asked the principal to chech the pen and asked if the boy was renamed (brothers full name). Our last name is rare. He had to give the pen back. No apologies as it was word against word. Yeah, mum was pissed.
Doing something shocking and unexpected will garner attention. Good for you for making an important point by dumping the lunch. I am glad to hear that you are home-schooling. I am also a big fan of charter schools and faith-based schools. Kids need to learn honor and character because they are not really born with it. Most kids are born with empathy and sensitivity, but that is erased by the time they hit 3rd grade if they are in public schools. Homeschooling is very popular now with home-schooling groups that share field trips and sometimes can join sports leagues. It is a fine choice and you will be raising better humans because of it.
dont throw away the childs lunch.... thats the only issue. free food or no, its way over the line. should have brought another container, any container, to pour it into.
I feel bad for Audrey, but OP handled it correctly. No, Audrey wasn't in the right. But she's 6. 6 year olds do s****y things all the time. And anyone who says otherwise is either lying or never went to school. Even "good kids." It's adults' jobs to teach kids wrong from right. The teacher and principal took no action against bullying...then taught Audrey she would get a free pass by asking if she could keep it longer.
She's not the AH here, but I have thoughts: 1. It's best to help/show kids how to stand up to bullies themselves. That will empower them. While I understand the desire to go full-on"Mama Bear" on the bully, it doesn't really help her child learn to defend herself. 2. She shouldn't leave the school. That will teach the bully that she can bully someone into leaving and it will teach her child to run away from conflict. Also, there will be more bullies at the new school. 3. As much as teachers (usually) want to help with bullying and try to help with bullying, the fact of the matter is that there are too many places in a school in which bullying can occur outside of teacher's control. Bathroom, hallway, playground, bus stop, etc. While I, as a teacher, can say, "You will not bully anyone around me or near me," I cannot control them when they are not around. This is why you have to teach your child to stand up to them themselves.
100% justified. Only 2 issues. You had no right to throw that girls lunch in the trash, it was her lunch and should have been dumped in her backpack. Other issue is the OP felt they needed to justify based on responses, shame on you critics for raising spoiled Audrey's.
Not that this excuses anything, but maybe "Audrey" was asked about the box and she said she was allowed to have it as a gift from the victim to get out of trouble? Again, does not excuse s**t, but just a thought to as to why the bully's parents tried to scrape off the name and repack it.
I like what you said about it not being someone's money if they questioned why a 6 yo would have a $50 lunch box. I mean, right?? It's like when people $#it on celebrities for being "out of touch!" The only one out of touch is the people not in thier tax brackets. Well said.
She just comes off as an AH. She might not be, but she sounds like one.
This is the fakest of the fake AITA posts on BP. "Teacher said it is just a bento box", no! They are all the same post, but with changed situation.
This is the fakest of the fake AITA posts on BP. "Teacher said it is just a bento box", no!
I’m embarrassed for you. Awful parenting. If the cost of the bento box didn’t matter, why did you bring it up? So the daughter saw her mother throw a tantrum, waste food, turn around and bully a child. This wasn’t handled well. You aren’t a good role model, or parent. The staff will be happy not to deal with trash parents, like you, next year.take a parenting class. This is nothing to be proud of. YOU ARE ALSO AN AH!
The amount of people here who think that the best way to deal with a bully is with violence goesa long way towards explaining why there are so many violent adults around. If you want to combat bullies, you have to start from the ground up, by teaching them empathy and a different way of behaving, even though it takes more patience, is harder and is obviously not as satisfying to some of the so-called adults on here.
Whatever all some people understand is violence. I say as a last resort after reasoning or empathy doesn't work then you choose violence. Especially if that person hits first.
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Well no. She gave the school option to find something to put food into.
Load More Replies... And school refuse to do anything about bullying... how unexpected. And I don't understand why OP!s sister thought that they should let Audrey keep bento. Even if it was cheap plastic lunchbox, Audrey still taken something that's not hers.
I've encountered a lot of people who think just giving in will keep the peace rather than continue to enable bad behavior. It's a complete lack of foresight and a poor understanding of human behavior. I wonder if Audrey is a little thief because her parents are of the same mind and don't provide their daughter with the proper guidance.
Load More Replies... What I find most baffling is that "Audrey" brought the bento box to school the next day - with her own lunch in it?! So she magically brings home a bento box home out of nowhere and parents don't ask where she got it? Did this all go "Oh neat, now we can pack you nice lunches!" and off she went the next day with a brand new bento box?! What kind of parents would not question this?
Audrey is a sucky kid which means she's learning that behavior from some WAAAAAAY shìttier parents.
Load More Replies... It doesn't matter if the Bento Box cost $5.00 or $500.00. It could have been a brown paper bag; it did not belong to Audrey and she stole it. Her parent and the school administrators downplaying her act of thievery is giving Audrey the wrong message. I know that her parents better nip this behavior in the bud now cause later in life someone who does not love her, like the police, will.
Sadly, schools are often unwilling to confront bullying head-on, mainly because they are afraid of having to confront the bully and/or their parents. Considering the damage bullying can do to a young mind, I'm a supporter of a no-tolerance approach. I don't care if you think that bullying is just "kids being kids" or that it teaches resilience or whatever. These parents should have been put on notice that their child is a bully and that she is to stop that behaviour immediately and if she doesn't, she will be expelled. Too harsh? Nothing compared to the mental damage bullied children sustain and will suffer from throughout their lives. Personally, my son was bullied by a particular boy at primary school. Teacher tried "to talk it out" without success of course. My husband and I then decided: enough is enough. If the school doesn't step in, we will. We told the school that if our son was bullied again, he had our permission to defend himself in whatever way was necessary.
What's with all those "don't throw away food" replies? It was ONE meal, it won't feed all hungry people. It's a GESTURE to show that of all the adults in Audrey's life, this one is not going to fool around. And no kid dies from not eating one lunch, even if the school didn't offer free lunch. In fact, it would have been a valuable lesson, too. At 6 years, Audrey is not too young to make the connection "bully X -> suffering"
My thoughts exactly: Audrey was given a precious lesson about why she should not steal. This angry mum not only helped her daughter, she also helped a young bully to change before it's too late. Or so I hope!
Load More Replies... I'd have been livid that no one was making the bully accountable for the theft of the bento box! LIVID! What the heck about letting the thief use it for the day??? What a messed up world we live in!
If this were in the UK (I don't know how it works in the States) I would make a formal complaint to the school asking them incredibly clearly why they are supporting bullying and theft. I would complain to Ofsted, the school board of governors, and the local education authority. Doesn't matter if it's "just a lunchbox" the school is supporting theft. I'm fuming on OP's behalf. I would also ask an official record of my complaint and the incident be recorded by the school. And finally I'd probably threaten the bully's parents saying if she touches one more item of my child's I'd be involving the police.
Since Mom is saying that it's not their first run-in with Audrey, I would be printing out all of the previous complaints and coming into the meeting with a binder. I will never understand why schools (and universities!) are always so keen on letting these little shitheads off the hook. If an adult is constantly harassing a coworker, they'd be kicked out of the workplace. School is that child's "workplace" and the teachers are essentially HR. So why does the mom have to come in for the same kid over and over again?
Load More Replies... I don't understand why the school would reward Audrey & let her use the box she STOLE and then lied about. I would have dumped the lunch on the principals desk.
when my daughter was in middle school they preached zero tolerance on bullying, another girl who used to be my daughter's friend when they were younger started bullying her. so naturally we brought it to the principal because when my daughter had complained to staff nothing was done. eventually a conference was arranged between the daughters and their mother's, and wouldn't you know it the girls mom was the biggest bully and was threatening to sue if anything was done to her "baby" and naturally nothing was done about it.
She's not TA over this, though it was very immature. That said, her tone makes me believe she is AN AH in general... I bet she calls herself a "mama bear" as well.
So he spit into the bully's open mouth. We got a summons from teacher. Told her she didn't do her job. Also told her we would take it higher-up if bullying continued. Fortunately for her, it didn't, otherwise we would have taken the school to court for not ensuring a safe learning environment. Excessive? No. There is no excuse for bullying.
at 6 years old anyone that took something from me {which was a lot cause I was albino in a tiny Japanese town full of old people so they always thought "OMG DEMON" >_>} so I would always have to hit or bite the other kids to keep them from my stuff [this did not help the "demon" image} my mother would go to the cops over and over or to the school, but never helped, it ended with her being killed and me leaving there for the USA so, yeah good on this mom for being there for their kid, as someone that had a mother that fought and sadly lost, I hope them the best!
That's a really sad and terrible story... I hope you have a good life now and I'm sorry that happened to you
Load More Replies... Something I learned the traumatic way: if your kid is being bullied and their Bully's parents DGAF the school will ALWAYS try to make your kid the problem
Standard governent response: take thief/aggressor's side. They empathize with their own.
Load More Replies... For people commenting about the $50.00 bento box; in addition to cutting down on plastic waste, it was a gift, so it has sentimental value. I would assume there might be some other types of coveted lunch containers out there, such as sports merch insulated mini pic-nic bags. It is not about the bento box, it is about strealing, bullying, and being held accountable.
My daughter (kindergarten and small for her age) was being bullied by a larger boy. I reported and complained on a regular basis. "Oh, he must have a crush on her" and "Boys will be boys" type bullsh*t responses. She started having digestive issues from the stress. Nothing. So, I taught her some self defense moves and the next time he started picking on her she kicked him so hard in the nuts that he vomited. NOW I've got their attention. Parents/principal meeting. His parents had no idea anything was amiss. I had a file folder with dates & times. The Dad (also a bully) starts in on me for making a big deal out of nothing & I informed him that I would be happy to file sexual assault charges on Jr. for pulling my FIVE YEAR OLD's pants down on the playground, which shut him up real f*cking quick. They transferred him to another school the next day. (I called that school's principal and gave her a head's up).
Sounds like you owned that bully an she got what apparently her mom doesn't do..got told no. And wtf did bully's mom think packing a lunch for the kid in a box with someone else's name in it? Entitled family there. Now bully gets to know what it's like. I'm sure the rest of school will start to stand up to that kid finally.
Only thing she did wrong IMO was not dumping it on the principles desk directly.
This is like the bully stealing my child's lunch, who had the balls to turn around and gloat how much they enjoyed eating my kids food and request more for the next day! I told him to go ask his parents instead and that since he was so grand maybe he wouldn't mind if I took his food from now on cause I fancied it. He was horrified, I deliberately packed the crappiest lunch I could find and kept other food hidden. This buly was really sly and went from child to child kicking, tormenting and teasing until he got what he wanted. His parents couldn't care less.
Clearly NTA. Infact I think those teachers need to be taught a lesson too. When the teacher said to let the kid have the box, you could have explained your kid in front of the teachers that it's ok to take other's stuff if you like and then should have proceeded to take the most expensive items from that room with you, giving them to your kid as a gift. Believe me, those teachers would not only say sorry to you but would have punished the bully as well. Petty is the way to go!
I'm another random grandma who totally agrees that a punch in the nose one time will definitely solve a bully problem. Likely not a popular opinion, but I've seen it in action many times and it works. Advised my three daughters in grade school that if they were being bullied I'd completely have their back if they threw a punch, but god help you if I find out you were the bully.
If the teacher, Principal and the Billy's mom were notified about Audrey's bad behavior and did nothing then Audrey would've been hit upside the head by my kid. And if they decided to act after my child took it there they would be next. Period. OP handled it better than I would've !!
The teacher thinks because it's a lunchbox it doesn't matter if it was taken? I've been in a school district working in administration for 11 years. I detest teachers. A majority of them are whiney, complaining beings with absolutely no common sense. Makes me wonder what colleges actually teach for an education degree. And kudos to Mom! I would have done the same thing. Schools are run by educators....meaning they know nothing about people or personality or motivation or really anything. Bullying kids should be sent to a whole new facility full of bullies.
Good for you mama!! You're the only one on your child's side AND you showed those spineless AHs at the school howe the bully should have been dealt with. Bullying needs to stop but when the people in positions to stomp it out (teachers) sit on their hands and/or turn a blind eye, that's when vigalante justice comes into play, and for no other reason then the ones who could have done something chose not to.
Audrey's parents don't care about her. You can tell by the fact they wont teach her right from wrong. Sad really
Mama rules! This is how you do it! Put the brat in her place!! Worthless thief!
I'm siding with Mom here. NTA. The school needs to learn that allowing theft and bullying is not okay. F**k all the staff for not being willing to stand up for a six year old. Adults who want to work in schools, need to show children that they can be trusted to help and protect the students when they are away from their parents for hours. Also, Audrey needs to learn not to lie and steal things. The school should send a nasty letter to Audrey's parents, who are clearly not doing their jobs.
The kid is a product of her environment. She should have consequences for stealing, but clearly the parent doesn't care as they packed her lunch in it. I would not have thrown out the food, but I would have removed it from the lunch box and taken it back. Absolutely ridiculous that no one is backing the little girl being bullied.
NTA - It takes a village to raise a child. Audrey’s village is seriously failing her by letting her do what she wants without consequence. You just gave her another perspective
i dealt with this kind of school in the 90s when my kid was in jr. high. there was a wannabe gang that would harass & eventually beat on my son. the 'leader' was a little short snot-let's call him bob. nothing was done after several meetings. then, while on "neighborhood patrol" (just to make sure little kids weren't bothered by older ones) w/my son on halloween night we see bob & his minions. he started making comments to my son so i go up to him. he says 'what are you going to do-i'm a minor so you can't touch me'. my response: yes, you are a minor but i have more money than you and i can hire a minor to kick the s**t out you if you don't stop being an a*****e. his face fell. eventually had to go to the ed supervisor and threaten to use stalking laws to pursue them to take action. my son later told me that bob was removed from school & sent to the secondary school which was for kids who had isses.
NYA: Wouldn't matter what item was. It's your daughters. Good job Mamma. Now I'm going to go Google bento box lol
WTF didn't Audrey's mom do anything about the fact that SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME was in a box SHE HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE? Oh wait...
The cost doesn't matter. I would have called the police and filed a theft report. I would have also listed the teacher and principal as accessories to theft and forced them into court and the public limelight. I do NOT tolerate bullying behavior or those who try to brush it off. Growing up, I (62m) used violence on bullies once I was fed up and tolerated enough. I was always suspended for retaliating, but it was worth it.
You are an incredible mom. Not only did "Aubrey" need to see the results of her actions but as others have said, your daughter needed to know that she doesn't need to be a victim and that her mom, her role model, would always have her back. This is how courages little people are made.
THIS HIT HOME! My son's lunchbox was stolen. It was new & very unique, limited edition. He was in the 1st grade & it really upset him, his feelings were extremely hurt. We never found out who took it & unable to replace it. Fast forward 35 yrs later, I found one on-line in really excellent condition & I purchased it. Anyway, come Christmas, I wrapped it up & it was the last present he opened. At 41 yrs old, when he saw it, he looked at me & his face was priceless. It has since been displayed in a coveted spot at his place. It was a hard life lesson for him when young but wow, the outcome was perfection.
I love that you did that for your son!
Load More Replies... Even if she was going to be starving on that day, she deserved it. Teachers reacted in a pathetic way, I was a good shy kid who was bullied and I was told to just ignore it, abusive kids never got punished. This is so typical, she's a great mother.
and another school who punishes bully victims and rewards the bullies
My brothers pen was stolen in school. The kid who stole it claimed it was his. My mum asked the principal to chech the pen and asked if the boy was renamed (brothers full name). Our last name is rare. He had to give the pen back. No apologies as it was word against word. Yeah, mum was pissed.
Doing something shocking and unexpected will garner attention. Good for you for making an important point by dumping the lunch. I am glad to hear that you are home-schooling. I am also a big fan of charter schools and faith-based schools. Kids need to learn honor and character because they are not really born with it. Most kids are born with empathy and sensitivity, but that is erased by the time they hit 3rd grade if they are in public schools. Homeschooling is very popular now with home-schooling groups that share field trips and sometimes can join sports leagues. It is a fine choice and you will be raising better humans because of it.
dont throw away the childs lunch.... thats the only issue. free food or no, its way over the line. should have brought another container, any container, to pour it into.
I feel bad for Audrey, but OP handled it correctly. No, Audrey wasn't in the right. But she's 6. 6 year olds do s****y things all the time. And anyone who says otherwise is either lying or never went to school. Even "good kids." It's adults' jobs to teach kids wrong from right. The teacher and principal took no action against bullying...then taught Audrey she would get a free pass by asking if she could keep it longer.
She's not the AH here, but I have thoughts: 1. It's best to help/show kids how to stand up to bullies themselves. That will empower them. While I understand the desire to go full-on"Mama Bear" on the bully, it doesn't really help her child learn to defend herself. 2. She shouldn't leave the school. That will teach the bully that she can bully someone into leaving and it will teach her child to run away from conflict. Also, there will be more bullies at the new school. 3. As much as teachers (usually) want to help with bullying and try to help with bullying, the fact of the matter is that there are too many places in a school in which bullying can occur outside of teacher's control. Bathroom, hallway, playground, bus stop, etc. While I, as a teacher, can say, "You will not bully anyone around me or near me," I cannot control them when they are not around. This is why you have to teach your child to stand up to them themselves.
100% justified. Only 2 issues. You had no right to throw that girls lunch in the trash, it was her lunch and should have been dumped in her backpack. Other issue is the OP felt they needed to justify based on responses, shame on you critics for raising spoiled Audrey's.
Not that this excuses anything, but maybe "Audrey" was asked about the box and she said she was allowed to have it as a gift from the victim to get out of trouble? Again, does not excuse s**t, but just a thought to as to why the bully's parents tried to scrape off the name and repack it.
I like what you said about it not being someone's money if they questioned why a 6 yo would have a $50 lunch box. I mean, right?? It's like when people $#it on celebrities for being "out of touch!" The only one out of touch is the people not in thier tax brackets. Well said.
She just comes off as an AH. She might not be, but she sounds like one.
This is the fakest of the fake AITA posts on BP. "Teacher said it is just a bento box", no! They are all the same post, but with changed situation.
This is the fakest of the fake AITA posts on BP. "Teacher said it is just a bento box", no!
I’m embarrassed for you. Awful parenting. If the cost of the bento box didn’t matter, why did you bring it up? So the daughter saw her mother throw a tantrum, waste food, turn around and bully a child. This wasn’t handled well. You aren’t a good role model, or parent. The staff will be happy not to deal with trash parents, like you, next year.take a parenting class. This is nothing to be proud of. YOU ARE ALSO AN AH!
The amount of people here who think that the best way to deal with a bully is with violence goesa long way towards explaining why there are so many violent adults around. If you want to combat bullies, you have to start from the ground up, by teaching them empathy and a different way of behaving, even though it takes more patience, is harder and is obviously not as satisfying to some of the so-called adults on here.
Whatever all some people understand is violence. I say as a last resort after reasoning or empathy doesn't work then you choose violence. Especially if that person hits first.
Load More Replies... Well no. She gave the school option to find something to put food into.
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