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“Slap Yourself And Don’t Do It”: 30 Social Norms People Hate The Most
Interview With Expert
Imagine a world where social norms didn't exist. Would it be chaos, or would you finally be able to relax? You would no longer have to worry about watching what you say around colleagues or feel pressure to conform to rigid beauty standards.
While societal expectations can certainly help us navigate through the world with minimal conflict, certain ones might also become the bane of your existence.
Redditors have recently been calling out social norms that they would happily eliminate if they could, so we’ve gathered some of their hot takes below. Keep reading to also find a conversation with sociologist and author Dr. Todd Schoepflin, and be sure to upvote the unspoken rules that you’ve had enough of too!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Letting kids act like psychotic inmates in public and at school. Because it's super disruptive and ruins everybody else's time, and is sometimes dangerous, and does not bode well for the kids as adults.
RELATED:
#2
Not accepting aging. 20yo girls shouldn't be getting "preventative botox". And actresses showing signs of aging shouldn't lose jobs. "Aging like milk" shouldn't be a saying at all. Normalize aging in general.
ktatsanon:
The amount of plastic surgery that young women are getting around here is sickening to me. Beautiful women ruining their looks to look like inflated, smooth faced aliens, is just so off-putting.
#3
Videoing everything you do for fake internet points has become normal. No one f*****g cares.
To learn more about the complex world of social norms, we got in touch with Dr. Todd Schoepflin. Dr. Schoepflin is a sociologist, professor, the author of Sociology in Stories, and blogger, and he was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda about the unspoken rules we follow every day.
“As a sociologist I'm obsessed with norms, a foundational concept in my field. Norms guide our behavior,” Dr. Schoepflin shared. “They are the generally agreed on do's and don'ts of everyday life.”
“When students walked into the classroom today and said ‘Good morning,’ a norm was in effect. When students sit and pay attention, and I teach with enthusiasm and do my best to ‘act like a professor,’ we're all following the norms,” he explained.
#4
That whole thing where victims (of bullying, assault or abuse) have to "let things go" to "keep the peace" needs to die. People need to stop covering for a******s and criminals and let them face the consequences of their actions.
#5
That as a woman you need to have biological kids or that "you'll never be complete/feel true love without them". Just let us be our own selves.
But what happens if we ignore norms in society? “No one holds the door for anyone. Shoppers leave their carts wherever they want. Drivers take up two spots,” Dr. Schoepflin told Bored Panda.
The expert also pointed out that norms differ place to place. “The norms of the New York City Subway system make for an interesting case study,” he says. “As a different example, here in Buffalo, NY, it violates a norm if we don't eat bleu cheese with chicken wings. We're not supposed to like ranch with our wings here.”
#7
Having to pretend you're “busy” to decline plans - just let me say no without making it a whole thing!
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
I decline an invitation not because I have something on my calendar, but because I don't want to have something on my calendar.
#8
Touching a pregnant woman's belly without permission.
Invisible Potato 1 year ago
"i will permint to touch my belly if you hold my husbands balls for 20 minutes"
#9
Expecting people to be onboard with gender norms is really annoying. Let boys learn home cooking and give girls the opportunity to do yardwork.
Dr. Schoepflin also noticed that I’m a native Texan. “I would wonder out loud, if, other than perhaps in Austin, does it violate a norm to be a vegan?” he asked. (It does!)
“I say that living in Buffalo, which I deem to be a meat loving place, and recalling that when my son was briefly vegetarian, he got some grief for it. People attend meat raffles here to have fun and raise money. There aren't salad raffles! So it's always important to think about norms and how they shape our behavior, expectations, and reactions.”
#10
More than 1 please :)
1) it is normal and healthy to be unmarried
2) it is normal to think of entering in a romantic relationship in 30s or beyond
3) divorce is a situation and not a label, once divorced, you are as single as someone single
4) love can be found at any age.
HeavyMetalHeart 1 year ago
Getting married next year for the first time at the age of 48! I wasn’t in the right headspace/didn’t meet the right person when I was younger, but it all came together in my 40s.
#12
The need to be busy or productive all the time. Hustle culture is b******t, we all need and deserve rest time. It’s not lazy, it’s something we all need. My hobbies don’t need to be monetised or marketable in some way to be worth doing.
Friendly Neighbourhood Hermit 1 year ago
And sometimes I just wanna rot in bed in peace for a whole day.
But of course, the expert says people defy norms all the time, and we see norms change over time. “Look at the increased popularity of tattoos. The people like tattoos!” Dr. Schoepflin noted.
“Sometimes a public official makes a difference in the norms. I believe Dr. C. Everett Koop impacted norms of smoking when he spoke out about the dangers of tobacco. In my 20s, all the bars smelled of smoke. Now they don't,” the sociologist continued.
#13
Working 40 hours a week until you can hopefully retire at 65.
I see my coworkers more than I see my own family.
Friendly Neighbourhood Hermit 1 year ago
Aren't they also increasing retirement age whilst also reducing the pension? Which definitely isn't gonna help.
#14
Expecting people to be in a relationship, and questioning single people about why they're single. All it does is makes single people feel inadequate.
Lavern Defazio 1 year ago
I've been single for many many many years and I never felt inadequate.
“So many gender norms have changed,” Dr. Schoepflin added. “A few generations ago, men smoked cigars in waiting rooms while their girlfriend or wife gave birth. Now, men are expected to be part of the labor process and may even be asked to cut the umbilical cord.”
“Speaking of labor, in 50 years, the share of women in the paid labor force increased from 30 percent in 1950 to 60 percent by 2000,” he says. “I'm going to show my students this example in class: until 1974, women didn't have the right to apply for credit in their own name without a male co-signer. Social movements (feminism, Civil Rights Movement) play a critical role in changing norms, attitudes, and laws.”
#16
Poor driving habits.
- Blocking the left lane.
- Not using turn signals.
- Speeding up to get past, only to slow down once in front.
- Speeding up to block someone from moving over.
- Blocking someone from merging onto the highway.
- Highbeams at night when not necessary.
Poor driving habits trickle down to people gradually becoming a******s to each other. We are in our own little bubble while driving.
#17
I would eliminate the social norm that discourages open conversations about mental health. If we could talk about our struggles without stigma, more people would seek help when they need it, and we'd foster a society that's more understanding and supportive.
Lost Panda 1 year ago
I agree, but at the same time I feel that there are a few too many people self diagnosising for "points" or to cover their own behavior. I'm about 50/50 on this one.
#18
Expecting women to wear bras.
Edit: People commenting that big breasted women would disagree are missing the point. If you want to wear a bra, wear a bra. But we shouldn’t be expected to because our nipples are more sexualized than men’s.
Jessica Cooney 1 year ago
I gave up caring what most people think about my bra wearing habits long ago. So IF I feel like wearing a bra, I do. I have no problem at all walking around the store sans bra. I figure its not my problem if someone doesn't like the shape of my fully covered chest.
We were also curious to know if Dr. Schoepflin would like to see any norms changed. “I'm concerned about what I perceive to be an ‘almost norm’ of aggressive driving,” he told Bored Panda. “More and more often I observe people driving like they're in video games, weaving rapidly through traffic, tailgating, and gesturing in a hostile manner when they don't like what their fellow drivers do.”
#19
Shaming people who live with their parents as adults.
ChairmanLaParka:
The amount of people I interact with who, when they find out I, as a middle-aged man, live with my mom, no longer want anything to do with me is pretty high.
The amount of people who still feel that way after I tell them it's because she has mobility issues and has trouble doing basic things on her own is frustratingly high.
Cooking Panda 1 year ago (edited)
Agree. There are many reasons why people choose to live with their parents, including the one mentioned above which is exactly what I do too. I'm an only child, mom died a long time ago. When I got married I gave my husband a condition, that is I want to stay in town because I don't have the heart to leave my old man. My husband & me both have jobs & we earn decent money. So it's not necessarily because someone is a jobless slob or couldn't afford rent.
#20
Women needing to remove their body hair in order to be seen as feminine.
Why? Because I think it’s ridiculous. It’s time consuming, costly, can be painful, can lead to rashes, ingrown hairs, infection and scarring.
I know there is such a thing as autonomy. I am aware that people have their own preferences and their own motivations.
Lost Panda 1 year ago
I agree, you do you. You wanna remove it, go for it. You don't want to don't.
#21
Not talking about your salary with your coworkers.
If everyone knew what everyone else was earning, wages would go up across the board—which is exactly why it is taboo.
“I'd love it if, as drivers, we collectively chilled out, slowed down, and reacted in a calm manner when something doesn't go our way,” the sociologist continued. “But it seems to me that we're going down the road of being distracted, impatient, angry drivers. This puts drivers and pedestrians in danger!”
“We've had long standing, effective campaigns against drunk driving (MADD gets some credit for that),” he added. “Perhaps we need more public awareness about the dangers of aggressive, distracted, everyday driving in contemporary society.”
#22
Shaking hands. Let’s just go to a head nod instead. I’m not a germaphobe in the slightest but I know people don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.
#23
Virgin shaming. More specifically making assumptions about a person if they are “still” a virgin (ex: religious, traumatized, weird, question sexuality etc). It could just be circumstantial it hasn’t happened yet, they aren’t ready yet, didn’t meet someone they want to yet. It doesn’t always have to be some exaggerated reason and some questionable trait about a person that they’re a virgin.
Lavern Defazio 1 year ago (edited)
Overheard three young men I work with talking about being virgins. All in their early 20s. Was not something I wanted to overhear, but I'm glad they were comfortable with each other to talk about it. Good for them.
#25
Being a workaholic is a kind of = success, and working just to get to live and enjoy life with your loved ones is kinda "stupid".
Life is short, why do I have to spend 12h working in a place to make money for someone else and be a stranger to my kids, stop visiting my parents, and just talk to my wife 20mins before we fall asleep.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
Law firms have this thing about working 12 hour days. Why not just hire more lawyers if the firm has so much work?
#26
Always needing to have new, fashionable clothing that you cannot wear repeatedly. This is slowly starting to change, but people still look askance if you wear the same thing more than once within a short amount of time even though plenty of people have washer and could easily wash something overnight and wear it again the next day. Fast fashion causes a lot of harm.
CatFist 1 year ago
Do they though? Maybe I'm an outlier, but I don't think I'd ever notice if someone wore the same think on multiple occasions (including multiple days in a row) unless it happened to be something quite outlandish - though even then I'd not have a problem with it (at least not that that wore it again, though depending on the outfit, I might take issue with it in and of itself 😕)
#27
Casual racism- it's so common it's just so tiring to hear.
Lucifer 1 year ago
It takes a special kind of stupid to think one race is better than the other.
Judith Sele Lupondije 1 year ago
Race is a social construct... There's only one human race and that includes every human - no matter where they come from, how they look,...
Load More Replies...
Child of the Stars 1 year ago
Imo, what's more important is being aware of your own unconscious racism. I have a Diné (I think the accent is correct) friend who was telling me of some of his experiences with racism in local businesses (we are not far from the Diné reservation). It made me realize that I had carried some of the same behaviors but was unaware that they were racist because they're so common. It caused me to be more aware of my own thinking--despite being extremely progressive in my social-political beliefs. If you don't think you have any racist ideas, I'd bet my left eyeball that you're simply unaware of them.
MushroomHead22 1 year ago
a lot of things are tiring, and yet if you think something is tiring that a majority of the population at this point in time think is not annoying and actually are ok with it, then you get shamed for thinking its annoying.... imagine that for one sec that i thought casual racism isn't really that annoying, nor tiring to hear, and sometimes can be a little funny.
James Peek 1 year ago
No such thing as "Reverse Racism " its just Racism!
Load More Replies... keyboardtek 1 year ago
You can thank the Republican party for much of that. Trump made racism acceptable to express. They need to have a scapegoat to blame for all the country's problems, many of which were created by them.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
The GOP started it with Nixon and especially Reagan with their Southern strategies.
Load More Replies...
#28
That a woman should be younger in relationship.
Having a younger boyfriend/husband for women should be a norm and not a shocking exception.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
My wife and I went on a train trip while vacationing in Canada. She qualified for the Senior Citizen rate by two years, and I missed it by two. But I rode for free anyway because I was "escorting a senior citizen". I try not to remind her of this more than once or twice a week.
#29
Referring to ones spouse as a ball and chain or otherwise joking about your cr*ppy marriage. Your marriage should be strong if it’s going to last and a cr*ppy marriage shouldn’t be socially joked about it as if it’s unfixable.
#30
This is a new social norm of tween girls being taking to sephora and ulta to buy face serums needs to be eliminated. Dermotologists are horrified, no tween girl skin needs anti aging products. And these products are not cheap. I used to work at kohls and every night there would be a gaggle of middle schoolers and their mom and sometimes dad, buying the products that cost $50+ why be use of tik tok!!!
featherytoad 1 year ago
I'm 53F, and all I do is, wash, exfoliate lightly with a baby washcloth every now and then and moisturize. I've briefly experimented with other things until I found out you have to be consistent and dedicated. F that, I'm to lazy. I don't even wash my face every day. Right now it's fun and exciting for them. As they get older, it's going to feel like a chore.
#31
Oversharing online. When you're taking pictures of your child all tubed up in hospital and posting them online, you should really stop, have a think about wtf you're doing, slap yourself and don't do it.
WindySwede 1 year ago
Some will understand and stop/not have started. Some will wounder why the kid went NC..
#32
Viewing monetary success and fame as the most important metrics of success and worth.
Greed and hoarding should generally be frowned upon but isn't.
#33
Men praising other men for sleeping with women. Having s*x shouldn't be a competitive sport.
#34
Introvert stereotypes.
CanadianDimes 1 year ago
BP is such a culprit for this. Introversion and extroversion are just how the brain recharges. Being an introvert has nothing to do with being asocial or anxious or shy or depressed or lonely. Those things can co-exist. They can also co-exist in extroverts.
#36
Let’s eliminate the expectation that you must attend every family event; personal choice matters.
#37
I wish we could eliminate the pressure to marry by a certain age; everyone’s timeline is different.
#38
The one bothering me most at the minute is vaping in people's faces like it's nothing.
CanadianDimes 1 year ago
One thing that continues to strike me about the UK is that, when walking past someone smoking, they won’t exhale until I’m passed. It’s really considerate
#39
Greeting cards. Now they're closer to $7 or more. Last a few weeks and then it's in the trash.
#40
I’d love to see an end to the pressure to conform to beauty routines; authenticity is liberating.
#42
Saying things you don’t mean to be polite (such as as let’s hang out sometime).
#43
If I could eliminate a social norm, I'd probably get rid of the expectation that by a certain age we should already "have everything figured out," especially when it comes to work, relationships, or life in general. This pressure to follow the "right path" according to what society dictates may cause a lot of anxiety and frustration. The truth is, everyone has their own pace, their own circumstances, and their own idea of what success is. If we got rid of that norm, I think people could live with more freedom, without constantly comparing themselves to others.
#44
Having university function as job credentialism.
It just makes people resent education and see it as a "scam" because they just want to get a job. They don't want to pay an extra 50k to take electives in underwater basket-weaving.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
My daughter got her BA degree because she was tired of all the companies rejecting her for a job even though she already knew how to do that job. She called it the paper barrier.
#45
The pressure to always be available can be overwhelming; everyone needs downtime.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
I'm always available. If you want adequate, that's another discussion.
#46
'How are you' when they really don't care.
Lavern Defazio 1 year ago
Well, my knees are aching,. I've been getting dizzy spells. My body hurts when ever I do anything. Don't get me started on my feet.
#47
Working in an office.
WonderWoman 1 year ago
Showing up just to have a presence is asinine. If it can be done remotely, is should be remote.
#48
The whole song and dance around bringing something when someone invites you over. If you ask, "what can I bring?" (which you should) and they say "nothing," that should be the end of it.
#49
Get rid of the belief that all friendships must be deep.
Child of the Stars 1 year ago
No. A friendship is inherently an emotionally intimate relationship. But not all relationships should be deep. Just because I spend time with someone on a regular basis doesn't make us friends, it makes us acquaintances. If either or both of us aren't comfortable calling the other for a either a shoulder to cry on or to celebrate a win, we're not friends, we're acquaintances.
#50
Let’s stop judging people for their relationship choices.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
Except if it hurts people in the relationship, e.g. cheats. Otherwise, it's totally your right to do as you will.
#51
Exchanging of gifts, it's gimmicky and a waste of time and money.
Firstname Lastname 1 year ago
I personally would rather share experiences with someone than gifts. Like birthday dinners and going to events, because the memories are usually better than something that'll sit on my shelf.
#52
Family pressuring their kids to get straight As or berating them if they get a slightly lower grade ("You'll never become a (insert dream job)", "You will be useless")
It happens to me while they brush off any external factors that could contribute (Illness, loneliness, any conditions that could prevent me from studying properly like ADHD) to me falling behind.
Liz The Biz 1 year ago
Whatever grade I got at school it was never good enough for my mother. If I got a B it should have been an A and if I got an A then it was a pure fluke, not because I'd worked hard. All I ever got was negativity and criticism. Even now, decades later, I feel like whatever I do is never good enough.
#53
People could openly say "I'm ONLY looking to have fun" or "I'm ONLY looking for something serious" when it comes to dating.
Yes you can have fun with someone and it just not work out but it would be nice to be able to know which people are going to hit six months and one person thinks "This is getting serious" and the other person is all "well it's been fun see you"
But currently if a person says they're specifically not looking for something serious or that they are they're either considered a flake or they scare someone off.
#54
The idea that vacations must always be extravagant is limiting; staycations can be just as fulfilling.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
Vacations don't have to be spendy - you can stay at inexpensive hotels/motels and do a lot of free stuff.
#55
Thank you cards when you thanked them in person already.
ScootyPuffJr 1 year ago
I always send thank you cards. It's not necessary, but there's nothing wrong with showing gratitude.
#56
The high expectations for men, whether it comes to their hight, or their duty to be the only provider in the family
Times have changed, and women are just as capable at making money as men.
#57
Get rid of the stigma around casual relationships.
Steve Robert 1 year ago
The trouble with casual relationships is that eventually someone gets hurt because you were serious, but they weren't.
#58
The norm of always being polite; honesty can be more important.
David Morgan 1 year ago
The callous and the foolish think that the 'brutal' part is the important one in 'brutal honesty'. You can be direct, uncompromising and honest without being mean. It's a matter of approach. So, if you don't like a friend's outfit you COULD say 'you look like s**t in that' or you could say 'I think it doesn't show off your best features and you would look better in...'. One approach is going to make people hate you, the other won't.
#59
The pressure to conform to a specific body type is harmful; all bodies are beautiful.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
Actually not all bodies are beautiful. It is more important to consider what is more healthy. And your doctor should be the only person with the right to comment about your body.
#60
Trying to be the last to say "goodbye" on the📱 cause you don't want to be rude
"You have a good night"
"Will do, you too"
"I will, you too"
"Yeh, thank you, bye"
"Alls good, yeh, bye"
"OK, bye"
"Yeh, bye"
"OK, bye" repeat last two for infinity.
#61
Travel expectations.
CanadianDimes 1 year ago
What kind of expectations? There are lots of expectations for travel we should follow. Don’t be a dĩck on the plane/train/boat. Be considerate in someone else’s country.
What do you think ?
Dirk Daring 1 year ago
Call me a cynic, but can we please put an end to making restaurant waitstaff sing "Happy Birthday" to grown adults? Nobody involved enjoys that. Anyone who genuinely likes having this done to/for them is an attention-hungry narcissist.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Ok, you're a cynic. That is to say, someone inconveniently right.
Load More Replies...
Adam Benson 1 year ago
How about adults AND their kids watching iPad/phone videos at an ear-splitting volume in public? One generation of a**holes training the next.
AwesomeLeoWife 1 year ago
Disagreed with almost all of these. If it isn’t a law, if you don’t want to do something, you already don’t HAVE to do it. You also can’t expect everyone to agree with your preferences or opinions. This whole article smacked of being judgmental or plain entitlement.
RS 1 year ago
Social norms means it's not the law but there's a lot of judgment on the people not following them. That's what the article is about. Some are a bit iffy but it's not entitlement to want to be able to be a woman with hairy legs/no bra and not get a thousand people staring like you're a freak.
Load More Replies... 
sofacushionfort 1 year ago
Most of these are by and for younger adults, saying that people in their 20s in the 2020s shouldn’t follow the social conventions of the 1980s. Speaking as someone who was in his 20s in the 1980s, I say “Hell yes, why weren’t more voices saying this 40 years ago?”
Adam Benson 1 year ago (edited)
Somehow being proud of being stupid/ignorant when it comes to basic knowledge. If someone can't name a single country on the map but can name at least 6 Kardashians and a dozen luxury brand logos, they really need to reassess their priorities.
Dirk Daring 1 year ago
Call me a cynic, but can we please put an end to making restaurant waitstaff sing "Happy Birthday" to grown adults? Nobody involved enjoys that. Anyone who genuinely likes having this done to/for them is an attention-hungry narcissist.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Ok, you're a cynic. That is to say, someone inconveniently right.
Load More Replies... Adam Benson 1 year ago
How about adults AND their kids watching iPad/phone videos at an ear-splitting volume in public? One generation of a**holes training the next.
AwesomeLeoWife 1 year ago
Disagreed with almost all of these. If it isn’t a law, if you don’t want to do something, you already don’t HAVE to do it. You also can’t expect everyone to agree with your preferences or opinions. This whole article smacked of being judgmental or plain entitlement.
RS 1 year ago
Social norms means it's not the law but there's a lot of judgment on the people not following them. That's what the article is about. Some are a bit iffy but it's not entitlement to want to be able to be a woman with hairy legs/no bra and not get a thousand people staring like you're a freak.
Load More Replies... sofacushionfort 1 year ago
Most of these are by and for younger adults, saying that people in their 20s in the 2020s shouldn’t follow the social conventions of the 1980s. Speaking as someone who was in his 20s in the 1980s, I say “Hell yes, why weren’t more voices saying this 40 years ago?”
Adam Benson 1 year ago (edited)
Somehow being proud of being stupid/ignorant when it comes to basic knowledge. If someone can't name a single country on the map but can name at least 6 Kardashians and a dozen luxury brand logos, they really need to reassess their priorities.
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