Teen Raises Lazy Sister’s Kid, Quits When Sis Criticizes How He’s Doing It

Parenting is a full-time job, something some people don’t fully comprehend before they have a kid. These oblivious parents often have a bad habit of palming off childcare to family members while they carry on as if they’re basically child-free.

One teen who pretty much raises his sister’s toddler reached his limit when she told him she was making her life harder. Frustrated, he told her she could do her own parenting from now on, but has since asked an online community if that was a jerk move.

More info: Reddit

You’re expected to go the extra mile for family, but this teen finally reached the end of his tether

Young woman holding a baby outdoors, portraying a 19-year-old basically raising sister's kid and caring for her.

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His sister treats raising her kid as an afterthought, leaving the teen and his folks to do most of the actual parenting

Text excerpt showing a 19-year-old male raising his sister’s 1.5-year-old daughter and family conflict about feeding choices.

19-year-old basically raises sister's kid, managing responsibilities and facing criticism over what he feeds her.

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While the teen was in the middle of his morning routine with his niece, his sister came downstairs and flipped out because he was feeding the toddler bananas

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19-year-old caring for sister's kid, feeds bananas, and reacts to criticism about what he feeds her during snack time.

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Irked, the teen told his sister that if she wasn’t happy with how he was raising his niece, she could step up and start doing the parenting for once

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Text on a white background asking if it’s wrong to tell a sister to raise her kid herself if she has issues with how he’s raising her child.

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His sister didn’t take it well at all, so now he’s turned to an online community to ask if giving her a reality check was a jerk move

Life in one household has gotten pretty complicated after OP, 19, stepped up to help raise his sister’s baby. He shared that he lives with his parents, his older sister Ruth, and her 1.5-year-old daughter Scarlet, and that, while Ruth is technically the mom, OP and his parents do most of the actual parenting.

According to OP, Ruth prioritizes her own wants over her child’s needs. Most of Scarlet’s daily care, from diaper changes to snacks and storytime, falls to her uncle and grandparents. Although OP doesn’t love the arrangement, he admits he’s taken on many responsibilities because he wants Scarlet to grow up surrounded by consistent love, stability, and positive guidance.

Recently, drama flared up during what seemed like an ordinary moment. After waking from a nap, Scarlet called for her uncle. He followed their usual routine, changing her, reading a book, and offering a snack. That’s when Ruth suddenly came downstairs, noticed her daughter eating bananas, and promptly went bananas. Apparently, she hates the fruit because it’s messy to clean up later.

Frustrated, OP reminded his sister that if she doesn’t like how he’s raising Scarlet, she’s welcome to start doing it herself, but she lashed back that he has “no right” to judge her parenting and no idea how hard it is being a single mom. Conflicted, OP’s now asking netizens: was he wrong?

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From what OP tells us in his post, his sister is a terrible mom and an awfully entitled one, at that. She clearly thinks the world owes her something, including free childcare, and isn’t shy about demanding it from her family. So, how can OP put her in her place? We went looking for answers. 

In her article for VeryWellMind, Arlin Cuncic writes that, in general, a person with a sense of entitlement has a self-absorbed view of the world and little regard or empathy for their impact on others. Signs of a sense of entitlement include the need for special treatment, high demands, melodramatic behavior, and a lack of gratitude. 

According to Cuncic, a number of factors can contribute to a sense of entitlement. It’s a characteristic of narcissism, which may be influenced by how a person was raised, whether adults gave a child special treatment, and societal and cultural factors, among other reasons.  

In her article for Quick and Dirty Tips, Dr. Monica Johnson suggests a few practical strategies for dealing with someone who has an overwhelming sense of entitlement. 

Some of the most useful include first recognizing the signs of entitlement, then practicing assertiveness, setting boundaries, steering clear of reinforcing entitlement, prioritizing self-care, and considering professional support.

Image credits: freepic.diller /Freepik (not the actual photo)

Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Tirrell De Gannes of the Thriving Center of Psychology to get his take on OP’s situation. 

“Based on the story, the mother of the child is not appreciative of the help she received from OP or the family and takes for granted that there are essentially 3 parents for her child, not including her. To that end, it is debatable if a 19-year-old should be responsible for raising a child much less a child that isn’t even their own,” says Dr. De Gannes.

He continues, “Appropriate boundary setting can include having the sister/ mother of the child ask for assistance every time it is needed so OP and the parents can choose when to help out or not. OP can also agree to not do any aid that the sister complains about unless she is not around and it needs to be done. As an example, wake the sister up to feed her child unless she apologizes for her comments,”

“Additionally, OP can request that the sister give a list of ways he helps parents that do not “make her life harder” or “annoy her” and only do those things until she has more appreciation.” concludes Dr. De Gannes.

It sounds like it’s time for OP to set some hard boundaries with his oblivious sister. If she wants any more free parenting, she’s going to have to change her attitude, and perhaps practice a little gratitude for a change. 

What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think his sister is entitled to free childcare, or was it time she got a reality check? Let us know in the comments!

In the comments, readers agreed that the teen was not the jerk in the situation, and slammed his sister for being an absent mother at best

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