“AITA For Telling My Boyfriend What The Nurses Said To Me When They Took Me Into A Private Room?”
Sometimes we see something on a show or in a movie that just makes us wonder “do they really, actually do that in real life?” and interestingly enough, there are times when we find out – they do!
For example, we’ve all seen scenes where an abused person gets separated from their partner by hospital staff and is thus rescued. Turns out that there are people who believe this is some secret knowledge and that men shouldn’t know such things. At least this poster’s friend thinks so and wasn’t shy about giving her an earful about it.
More info: Reddit
A woman’s friend got majorly upset with her when she told her BF about abuse prevention systems in hospitals, saying that she “damaged the system”
Image credits: CDC (not the actual photo)
The poster had to go to the ER and took her boyfriend along with her, in order to make sure her concerns were heard by doctors and he may have come off as aggressive because of it
Image credits: Martha Dominguez de Gouveia (not the actual photo)
The nurses subtly pulled the poster aside, asking if everything was okay and if she needed any help
Image credits: Silent-Status2362
The BF was told what happened and he wasn’t upset in the slightest, but her friend said that he shouldn’t have been told anything, implying that men shouldn’t even know such things
Today’s story is truly an odd one. Sometimes, when you’re reading something, in the first few lines you just understand who the villain in the story is and why. Villain may be slightly too strong a word for this antagonist, but what’s worse is that her reasoning is pretty difficult to parse on top of that too.
It all stems from intimate partner abuse prevention systems. You can see them in a lot of media, honestly, especially more grim ones, like shows about crime or healthcare professionals. The premise is simple – hospital staff notice that someone’s partner is weirdly clingy, possessive or aggressive, they find a way to separate them, if for a minute, and ask them a couple of questions to make sure that everything is okay.
Trained professionals with a lot of experience likely have a keen eye for such situations and most likely are quick on their feet, because trying to help people in these spots is no easy task. So when the author of the story had to go to the ER and took her boyfriend to help her with doctors who’d rather discredit a woman’s pain as “hysteria”, that also set off a couple of alarm bells to some nurses.
They pulled her aside with the “old trick” of having some extra paperwork to fill out to separate them, where they mentioned that her boyfriend seemed to be oddly aggressive and made sure that she isn’t experiencing any kind of abuse. When they were all clear that the BF was only there to protect the poster from doctors abusing her, everyone went on their merry way.
Before we move on, let’s not forget that it’s total bull patootie (to say the very least) that a woman has to take a guy with her just for a doctor to listen to her very real concerns without discrediting them. Honestly, it happens far more often than it really should, but sometimes the patients fight back, if not by changing the system, then at least ruining a doctor’s expensive shoes, as covered in another Bored Panda story.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
After that, everything was dandy. The BF asked her what the paperwork was and she gave it to him straight – the staff thought that you were aggressive and wanted to make sure you’re not abusive. The boyfriend’s absolute golden retriever reaction to this? “Well, that’s good! I’m glad they have protocols in place,” and everything was as it should be.
Unfortunately, this rankled with the poster’s friend, who was adamant that the author had just pretty much committed a cardinal sin against all women, everywhere. According to her, she “damaged the system” by letting a filthy male find out all the secret details of how medical staff try to prevent abuse.
The whole complaint seems naive as most abusers already know not to take their injured partner to the hospital or any other authorities, as they may be sniffed out. Besides, as nonstop2nowhere pointed out in a comment, medical professionals have a lot more tricks up their sleeves to help victims of abuse besides the ones you get to see on TV. I also have to say that considering how much of a good guy the BF seems from the story, it’s unlikely that he will go meet up with some abusers and “spill” everything to them.
Oh, and guys get abused too, so perhaps no one should know the secret details at all.
Now, if you’re not a health professional, you can still intervene. According to the Office on Women’s Health, if you notice a partner insulting your friend in public, them with unexplained injuries or marks, or suddenly cutting contact with other friends and family, there’s cause to act.
For a start, it’s very important to reach out in a safe way to talk to them in private. Once that’s done, you should explain your concerns, while being supportive, and making sure you get across the fact that you only want the best for them. If possible, you could offer specific help, like transportation, accommodation, childcare – something they agree with and that would help them get themselves out of that situation.
Your tone is important – you shouldn’t make them feel small or ashamed for what is happening, don’t guilt trip them either. It’s important to get across that your only desire is to help and that you understand how difficult it is for them.
You can find more tips on the aforementioned website, but don’t forget that if the situation is critical, you may need to call 911 for a welfare check. After all, it may be a matter of life or death.
With that said, what are your thoughts on the story? Do you have any similar experiences or tips for helping victims of abuse? Make sure to share everything important in the comments below.
The community backed the poster up, saying that her friend was being very naive for thinking that abusers don’t already know such things
I am impressed the boyfriend thought it was a good thing to have such protocols.. soo many stories of people getting upset or offended over things like that.. so Kudos to your BF
Here is the right time for "If you have nothing you hide, you have nothing to fear".
Load More Replies...Newsflash for the friend: Us guys already know about those protocols. We know what an Angel Shot is. We know why you always get an 'unexpected' phone call 15 minutes into the first date. But we also know that the guys who get mad about these things are the reason why these things exist in the first place. The rest of us understand.
I’m wondering if the friend had or is going through some form of abuse. She may see the hospital as a possible way out, but is now scared that her abuser may know that this happens and prevent her from going in the future when it escalates.
Yeah, it seems like there's much more going on with the friend than just being completely weird about the situation.
Load More Replies...NTA because obviously the boyfriend was a safe person and this is a pretty well known tactic as OP pointed out.
It doesn't hurt the protocol for someone to know about it. They should be looking out for anyone of any gender with an aggressive partner. In some US states every doctor visit has a 'are you safe at home?' question if you are partnered or not.
A lot of pee sample bathrooms in a doctors office/hospital have a system in place to notify staff of abuse. Like mark your sample with the red pen if you are in a bad situation. Or tear off a piece of this paper and put it in the sample hatch with your pee cup. It’s one place it’s easy to separate the victim from the abuser.
Load More Replies...Only folks with access to the internet, television, or other people know this secret.
I was seriously asked about a scratch on my leg (hug from my dog) in case it was abuse. Nice idea, but they also ignored a serious and chronic problem for years, leading me to require preventable surgery.
Right? I have 3 dogs. Any time I get a new bruise or scratch, I get asked about it, and I'm just like "dogs." XD
Load More Replies...Might want to check if that friend is ok. She has a reason for being so dramatic. Is she in trouble and not want her SO to find out that information?
Ok. Faith in humanity restored. I'm reading this like, we all know that's what's happening. It's not a secret. I'm thankful. Saved a friend of mine, years ago.
For goodness sake. I’m widowed and live alone. I also fall about a dozen times a day. I am still asked, do I feel safe. In my case, I usually get a good chuckle out of it (those times I don’t is simply because I’m in pain) and I’ll tell them first, I live alone. Second, no not always. But that’s just because of my issues with staying upright. These questions are pretty much part of every visit. And in my local hospitals, they start asking those questions at the door almost. And usually repeated at least once more before the end of your visit. Tbh, the place I feel the least safe is at the hospital. But that is because my last two hospitalizations involved very abusive staff. One stay I had a charge nurse pick me up and throw me like a rag doll and then he started whaling on me while calling for security to help him beat the c**p out of me. Then four point restraints. And this behavior repeated every time he was on shift. All because I complained about my nurse not prov adequate care.
All of us know what those little q & a sessions are for, and the boyfriend is to be congratulated for keeping his cool and lauding the hospital staff. The "friend" is a d**k.
Bollocks. Your boyfriend took it well, and he's right. What's it have to do with this other friend ?
NTA, and good for the BF for understanding what they were doing and not taking it personally. I almost always get asked if I feel safe at home. One longtime doctor asked me in front of my husband once. He said he had to ask, and knew from seeing my on my own enough that I did in fact feel safe at home.
What is ( in my opinion) sad. When I have taken my husband, adult son, and roommate, to the doctor - they are always asked if they feel safe at home. Especially when they have been in the hospital, Myself (F 64yrs old 4'' 11") am NEVER asked. I am safe... but it would be nice if someone even checked. I have asked the nurse when I was in the hospital " we always ask everyone"... not me
I don't even watch hospital nor legal dramas and even I know that it's a thing just through osmosis. It's completely weird for the friend to say that OP "ruined the system" by letting her boyfriend, who isn't even abusive and who supported it, know. Something else must be going on with her thinking telling one guy about this will suddenly lead to every guy knowing about this.
I'm always impressed by the lengths medical personnel (and other folks) go to, just to make sure that the person in question (because abuse goes both ways) is okay. It's reassuring that people recognize there is a need for such protocols...although that need breaks my heart.
I had this recently and I was a bit shocked. My SO is epileptic and falls can look like abuse marks. I mean, I know they have to ask but it came out of left field a bit.
Many people may only learn that these systems and protocols only exist because of social media. For example. Are you aware that in the UK, a company called Boots has a system whereby any going into the store and asking for "Annie " will be taken to a private room and asked if they want to call 999? "Annie " is code for ANI,Assistance Needed Immediately.
Load More Replies...I am impressed the boyfriend thought it was a good thing to have such protocols.. soo many stories of people getting upset or offended over things like that.. so Kudos to your BF
Here is the right time for "If you have nothing you hide, you have nothing to fear".
Load More Replies...Newsflash for the friend: Us guys already know about those protocols. We know what an Angel Shot is. We know why you always get an 'unexpected' phone call 15 minutes into the first date. But we also know that the guys who get mad about these things are the reason why these things exist in the first place. The rest of us understand.
I’m wondering if the friend had or is going through some form of abuse. She may see the hospital as a possible way out, but is now scared that her abuser may know that this happens and prevent her from going in the future when it escalates.
Yeah, it seems like there's much more going on with the friend than just being completely weird about the situation.
Load More Replies...NTA because obviously the boyfriend was a safe person and this is a pretty well known tactic as OP pointed out.
It doesn't hurt the protocol for someone to know about it. They should be looking out for anyone of any gender with an aggressive partner. In some US states every doctor visit has a 'are you safe at home?' question if you are partnered or not.
A lot of pee sample bathrooms in a doctors office/hospital have a system in place to notify staff of abuse. Like mark your sample with the red pen if you are in a bad situation. Or tear off a piece of this paper and put it in the sample hatch with your pee cup. It’s one place it’s easy to separate the victim from the abuser.
Load More Replies...Only folks with access to the internet, television, or other people know this secret.
I was seriously asked about a scratch on my leg (hug from my dog) in case it was abuse. Nice idea, but they also ignored a serious and chronic problem for years, leading me to require preventable surgery.
Right? I have 3 dogs. Any time I get a new bruise or scratch, I get asked about it, and I'm just like "dogs." XD
Load More Replies...Might want to check if that friend is ok. She has a reason for being so dramatic. Is she in trouble and not want her SO to find out that information?
Ok. Faith in humanity restored. I'm reading this like, we all know that's what's happening. It's not a secret. I'm thankful. Saved a friend of mine, years ago.
For goodness sake. I’m widowed and live alone. I also fall about a dozen times a day. I am still asked, do I feel safe. In my case, I usually get a good chuckle out of it (those times I don’t is simply because I’m in pain) and I’ll tell them first, I live alone. Second, no not always. But that’s just because of my issues with staying upright. These questions are pretty much part of every visit. And in my local hospitals, they start asking those questions at the door almost. And usually repeated at least once more before the end of your visit. Tbh, the place I feel the least safe is at the hospital. But that is because my last two hospitalizations involved very abusive staff. One stay I had a charge nurse pick me up and throw me like a rag doll and then he started whaling on me while calling for security to help him beat the c**p out of me. Then four point restraints. And this behavior repeated every time he was on shift. All because I complained about my nurse not prov adequate care.
All of us know what those little q & a sessions are for, and the boyfriend is to be congratulated for keeping his cool and lauding the hospital staff. The "friend" is a d**k.
Bollocks. Your boyfriend took it well, and he's right. What's it have to do with this other friend ?
NTA, and good for the BF for understanding what they were doing and not taking it personally. I almost always get asked if I feel safe at home. One longtime doctor asked me in front of my husband once. He said he had to ask, and knew from seeing my on my own enough that I did in fact feel safe at home.
What is ( in my opinion) sad. When I have taken my husband, adult son, and roommate, to the doctor - they are always asked if they feel safe at home. Especially when they have been in the hospital, Myself (F 64yrs old 4'' 11") am NEVER asked. I am safe... but it would be nice if someone even checked. I have asked the nurse when I was in the hospital " we always ask everyone"... not me
I don't even watch hospital nor legal dramas and even I know that it's a thing just through osmosis. It's completely weird for the friend to say that OP "ruined the system" by letting her boyfriend, who isn't even abusive and who supported it, know. Something else must be going on with her thinking telling one guy about this will suddenly lead to every guy knowing about this.
I'm always impressed by the lengths medical personnel (and other folks) go to, just to make sure that the person in question (because abuse goes both ways) is okay. It's reassuring that people recognize there is a need for such protocols...although that need breaks my heart.
I had this recently and I was a bit shocked. My SO is epileptic and falls can look like abuse marks. I mean, I know they have to ask but it came out of left field a bit.
Many people may only learn that these systems and protocols only exist because of social media. For example. Are you aware that in the UK, a company called Boots has a system whereby any going into the store and asking for "Annie " will be taken to a private room and asked if they want to call 999? "Annie " is code for ANI,Assistance Needed Immediately.
Load More Replies...
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