BF Decides It’s Finally Time To Propose After 30 Years And 4 Kids, Is Met With An Eye Roll
No two people or relationships are the same, which is why while some can’t wait to get married, others see no point in taking this step in life.
This redditor’s views on marriage weren’t exactly the same as those of her partner; she made it clear that she wanted marriage early in the relationship, but it took 25 years and four children for him to propose. The OP shared with the AITAH community that when he finally did, she felt apathetic and even rolled her eyes, which made her wonder if she was being a jerk to her partner.
Not every person is equally interested in marriage
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This redditor made sure her boyfriend knew she wanted to marry, but it took him 25 years to propose nevertheless
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Image credits: Throwawayproposalfin
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The OP provided an update on how things between her and her boyfriend developed after the proposal
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Image credits: Throwawayproposalfin
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Love is reportedly the main reason couples decide to get married
People can have hundreds of reasons (not) to get married, but some seem to be more common than others. According to Pew Research Center’s 2018 data, love is the one that tops the list, as nearly nine-in-ten Americans get married encouraged by it.
Other coupled-up people do it because they want to strengthen their commitment to each other (roughly 81% of them reportedly get married led by such a motivating factor) or because they seek companionship (76%) and want to have children (49%), both of which can exist without marriage, as the OP’s example showed.
But even though creating a family is possible without getting married, quite a few redditors in the comments pointed out that in situations similar to the OP’s, marriage can provide a certain level of stability in life. That’s why for roughly one fourth of those surveyed in 2018, financial stability as well as legal rights and benefits were the among the main reasons for getting married.
According to a divorce lawyer, Nicole K. Levy, marriage defines a critical moment in life when, upon such a union, in the vocabulary of two individuals, the word I is replaced by the word we. Consequently, that typically entails changes in numerous significant aspects of life, such as acquiring property, handling retirement benefits and taxes, as well as receiving social security benefits.
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The number of marriages has been declining over the past several decades
Despite certain financial or legal stability that marriage might entail, such a union has been on a decline over the last several decades. Back in 1990, for instance, there were close to 2.5 million marriages in the US, while just a couple of years ago, in 2021, the number didn’t even climb over the 2 million mark.
As for getting married, the reasons for not taking such a step differ with each person, too, but finances seem to be what’s stopping them the most. A 2019 survey of people wishing to get married some time in the future found that nearly a third of them thought that their partner or they themselves were not financially ready for such a commitment.
Other commonly cited reasons were the partner not being ready to commit to the relationship, respondents not being far along in terms of their careers, having doubts about the partner being the right person, or being unsure about their own readiness to take such a significant step.
The OP didn’t reveal what her boyfriend’s reasons were for postponing the proposal for 25 years, even though she made it clear she wanted marriage early in their relationship. But it seems that it wasn’t his reasoning fellow redditors were interested in the most, as many citizens wanted to know why the OP stayed with her partner for all these years.
Fellow redditors shared their insight and opinions in the comments
There are a couple other issues, now that she might *start* working at 52yo: 1) How is she going to survive financially? How is she going to afford a house, car, etc. with the kind of job she can get after being out of the workforce for 30 years? 2) What about retirement? Social Security? Savings? WORDS OF WISDOM: Whoever controls your money controls you.
While starting over is difficult, everyone needs to calm down about her age. Being over 30 doesn't mean your life is over, and fear mongering about it is why people stay in toxic situations. Plenty of people divorce, lose spouses, lose jobs, etc, and start again. It sounds like she does have family, and unless her kids hate her, she probably has their support if necessary.
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NTA, but her last comment in the comments section though... ("Why didn't you leave?" - "Because I was a SAHM with many kids and he was this big executive..."). No honey, you weren't a SAHM with many kids, you CHOSE to be. The last kid came at 37, mind you. And he wasn't the big executive for many, many years if you met in your early 20s and he was working his way up. Plenty of time to work, to not have more kids, to leave. My sympathies, but this is also a woman in denial.
You dont understand psychological abuse much do you. Your basically victim blaming. When you're a 20 year old with little relationship experience it's easy to end up in an emotionally abusive relationship especially when you are living in a part of the world that still looks up to Coming out balls and other archaic gender roles. Being emotionally abused to the point of inaction or poor decision making isnt an overnight situatuon, you get widdled away. For all we know she came from an abusive home and was already emotionally vulnerable to this type of relationship. How about we hold the man accountable. She took care of his house, his child, project led his life outside of work. She deserves back oay far and above a roof over head, food in her belly and clothes on her back. The guys is trash and I am low key laughing that he thinks anyone woman his age is going to be sweeping him up and taking him to bed. He doesnt sound particularly fit either so getting a younger woman mmmm. Enjoy los
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It's not without reason that people in higher management are often classified as psychopaths. I think it's a great pity for the woman that she didn't manage to leave sooner. But I can understand what her reasons might have been. (Infatuation; hope that something will change [first that something will change with the children, then fear that the partner will do something so that you can no longer see the children]; fear of poverty; fear of revenge from the partner; fear of change ...) If you don't have anyone there to support you, it becomes really difficult with the exit. Even if I think it's self-inflicted, I think it's really hard that the woman has poured her life energy into a relationship and a family without getting a little security that she at least has an apartment and the bare necessities if things don't work out. (Especially since the partner seems to have a lot of money if he can live so well from the returns on his investments alone that it is also enough for traveling).
Didn't sound like she had much support, she mentioned his mother but no one from her own family. I'm curious as to why...
Load More Replies... There are a couple other issues, now that she might *start* working at 52yo: 1) How is she going to survive financially? How is she going to afford a house, car, etc. with the kind of job she can get after being out of the workforce for 30 years? 2) What about retirement? Social Security? Savings? WORDS OF WISDOM: Whoever controls your money controls you.
While starting over is difficult, everyone needs to calm down about her age. Being over 30 doesn't mean your life is over, and fear mongering about it is why people stay in toxic situations. Plenty of people divorce, lose spouses, lose jobs, etc, and start again. It sounds like she does have family, and unless her kids hate her, she probably has their support if necessary.
Load More Replies... NTA, but her last comment in the comments section though... ("Why didn't you leave?" - "Because I was a SAHM with many kids and he was this big executive..."). No honey, you weren't a SAHM with many kids, you CHOSE to be. The last kid came at 37, mind you. And he wasn't the big executive for many, many years if you met in your early 20s and he was working his way up. Plenty of time to work, to not have more kids, to leave. My sympathies, but this is also a woman in denial.
You dont understand psychological abuse much do you. Your basically victim blaming. When you're a 20 year old with little relationship experience it's easy to end up in an emotionally abusive relationship especially when you are living in a part of the world that still looks up to Coming out balls and other archaic gender roles. Being emotionally abused to the point of inaction or poor decision making isnt an overnight situatuon, you get widdled away. For all we know she came from an abusive home and was already emotionally vulnerable to this type of relationship. How about we hold the man accountable. She took care of his house, his child, project led his life outside of work. She deserves back oay far and above a roof over head, food in her belly and clothes on her back. The guys is trash and I am low key laughing that he thinks anyone woman his age is going to be sweeping him up and taking him to bed. He doesnt sound particularly fit either so getting a younger woman mmmm. Enjoy los
Load More Replies... It's not without reason that people in higher management are often classified as psychopaths. I think it's a great pity for the woman that she didn't manage to leave sooner. But I can understand what her reasons might have been. (Infatuation; hope that something will change [first that something will change with the children, then fear that the partner will do something so that you can no longer see the children]; fear of poverty; fear of revenge from the partner; fear of change ...) If you don't have anyone there to support you, it becomes really difficult with the exit. Even if I think it's self-inflicted, I think it's really hard that the woman has poured her life energy into a relationship and a family without getting a little security that she at least has an apartment and the bare necessities if things don't work out. (Especially since the partner seems to have a lot of money if he can live so well from the returns on his investments alone that it is also enough for traveling).
Didn't sound like she had much support, she mentioned his mother but no one from her own family. I'm curious as to why...
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