Half-Sister Who’d Rather Pretend Her Sibling Doesn’t Exist Requests She Attend Her Wedding
Interview With Expert
We can’t choose our family. But no matter what we get, these people usually take up a big part of our lives, so even if we don’t particularly like them, it’s not such a bad idea to keep things civil.
However, like the half-sister in this Redditor’s story, some people just refuse to accept it. When her father passed away and her mother remarried, she went to great lengths to let everyone know about her hate for her stepfather and her new sister. But when, years later, she found a use for them, she quickly changed her tune. Scroll down to read the full story!
More info: Reddit
Rivalries between half and step-siblings are not unheard of, but it’s rare to hear of one sincerely wishing the other was never born
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
When she was little, the poster looked up to her older half-sister, who always harshly rejected her and her father
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Their relationship was completely severed when, one Christmas day, the older sibling told her sister that she wished their mother had aborted her
Image credits: Ethan Hu (not the actual photo)
A few years later, the older sister decided to get married and came in person to invite her half-sister and stepdad to her wedding
Image credits: Successful_Detail321
The poster rejected her, saying that if her half-sister wants her dead, then she won’t play along just to make her look better
The OP begins the story by saying that she has a half-sister who is 9 years older and has always rejected her for not being a “real” sister and her dad for just being someone who’s “warming her mother’s bed.”
Until she was about 10, the poster looked up to her sister, always trying to build a relationship, which never succeeded. She said that when she was about 6, and her brother was stillborn, instead of providing comfort the girl so desperately needed, her half-sister told her that she wished the same thing had happened to the poster.
One Christmas evening, the half-sister arrived late as she was staying with a different family member for the celebration. The girl took this as a good sign and tried to talk to the woman again. Unfortunately, she was once again insanely harsh, going as far as to say that if she could turn the time back, she would’ve begged her mom to get an abortion.
This was the breaking point for the girl, and for the next 7 years, up until recently, the sisters barely saw each other. Things changed when the older sibling decided to get married and personally invited the OP and her father to her wedding.
However, the invitation was the furthest thing from sincere. The woman openly explained that she was doing it to look better in front of the guests, and so, despite her mother’s tears, the girl blatantly refused.
The commenters showed complete support for the OP. They were all horrified by the awful things her half-sister said to her over the years and theorized about what she could’ve told her future in-laws to suddenly require the presence of the people she hates so much.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Although the example we have at hand is quite extreme, rivalry and bad feelings between half and step-siblings are not uncommon. So, to better understand why this happens, Bored Panda reached out to the psychologist Dr. Francyne Zeltser.
Dr. Zeltser became a mental health specialist in hopes of reducing the stigma of mental illness. “My goal is to bridge the gap between physical and mental health, promoting a more holistic and inclusive view of wellness,” said the psychologist.
In her clinical practice, the doctor utilizes a supportive, problem-solving approach, which provides her patients with the possibility to learn adaptive strategies to navigate a variety of challenges like improving focus, social skills, time management, reducing negative emotions, building a growth mindset, resolving conflict, and getting organized.
When asked about the difficulties that children encounter when they have to adapt to the changes that come with a family blend, the psychologist explained that this transition is often very challenging as it requires the child to adjust to a new parent figure who likely has different rules and expectations than they’re used to.
“When the new partner has children of their own, it adds another layer of change, as the child is adjusting to a new parent figure AND new siblings, all at the same time,” said Dr. Zeltser, emphasizing the importance of approaching this with sensitivity and understanding.
The expert further said that this kind of change leads to a great deal of uncertainty and apprehension, especially if the child thrives from structure and routine. “Children often worry about how the new partner (and their children) will change the family dynamic and relationship the child has with their parent.”
Looking for more control in a situation that is outside of their control, the children often resist the change or withdraw from it. They feel as if they might be replaced or rejected, and the popular strategy focusing on protecting them from experiencing negative effects does a disservice as it makes it harder for the child to accept the changes and the new family.
In situations like these, Dr. Zeltser says that communication is vital. “Parents should provide their child with ongoing opportunities to openly discuss their fears and concerns. Parents should actively listen to the child and provide validation, as the child may be experiencing this change very differently than the parent.”
The psychologist emphasizes that it’s essential to set aside some “special time” for the kid alone and take on the change collaboratively. “This process empowers the child and gives them a voice in a situation that is otherwise out of their control.”
Image credits: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)
Complementing Dr. Zelster’s words, Healthline also offers additional advice on how parents can better deal with this kind of situation. The article suggests starting by acknowledging the challenge of adjustment to their children and not expecting everyone to become best friends. Not everyone in this situation gets a vote when it happens, and thus, you shouldn’t expect it to be perfect, at least not right away.
Moving further, it’s important to be open about the fact that in the beginning, parents may be closer to their own child and watch out for signs of jealousy so it doesn’t grow out of control. It may take time for things to settle down into their places, and if the foundation is crooked, nothing on top of it will be stable.
Next, holding regular family meetings to share feelings and discuss opinions may be wise. Here, it’s essential to hear out your children and include them as fully as you can.
It also pays to keep track of birth order, as suddenly becoming an older or a younger sibling might shock the child. However, that doesn’t mean you should compare them, as that is the fast track to bad feelings and rivalries.
Lastly, celebrate your children and take time to do something with each of them separately to build and/or strengthen your bond. Let them know they’re important to you.
In the end, blending families is rarely an ideal option. In a utopian world, people would meet a perfect partner on their first try and create a family that would never see an unhappy day.
While reality is not like that, and probably never will be, there are usually plenty of ways to make this work. But sometimes, some people are so set on rejecting the change that our only option is to go on without them.
What did you think of this story? Do you have any similar half-sibling stories you’d like to share? Then do so in the comments below!
The poster’s half-sister horrified the commenters, and they unanimously sided with the author
I hate to say that, but moms at fault here! That is not a behaviour of a 6-8yo you let pass to treat your new husband like that! Some therapy or whatever back then would have been good. Now I'd just stay away
I don't hate to say it. It is 100% true. Whether she felt bad for older daughter not having a dad or whatever reason she uses to justify allowing older daughter to verbally (as far as we know) abuse and intimidate younger daughter is absolute c**p. Now she's upset because future in laws will judge her when they find out why younger daughter is estranged. She doesn't want to make peace, she wants to do damage control to her image.
Load More Replies... I have 2 younger half brothers and I was sad when I realized I was not the baby anymore and I was worried I would be forgotten about. However, I would have NEVER EVER done any of this to my siblings. I was in therapy when I found out my stepmom was expecting and we worked through it. When my first brother was born, it was weird for the first 3 months but we became incredibly close and are still very close! This whole post makes me so angry. I am more angry at her mother for allowing this to continue.
On my husband's side, there are plenty of half-siblings and step-siblings. The feelings run from close ties to mild indifference. but no hostility. Weddings are attended by all. At the most recent one, his sister's teenage boys were happily rough-housing with his half-sister's little boy. They function better than my fully bio family!
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OPs mom is crying because the situation is sad and one of her daughters is an a*****e. Understandable. But that doesnt mean OP can fix it. Ive heard of stepsiblings and half sublings being estranged but a 19 year old telling their (blood!) sibling that they wish they were dead is not normal. OP is right to stay away from her.
B******t, OP’s mother is crying to manipulate OP. If she cared at all about the situation, she had years to fix it, but nowhere in this story days anything about the mother trying anything. The mother obviously has a very big preference for OP’s sister over OP, and didn’t care in he least when OP was the affected party, but the second the sister is in need, mom cries for “their relationship”? It doesn’t add up as mom seeing the sister is an ahole
Load More Replies... I checked on reddit - the OP wants nothing to do with the wedding or the half-sister. Her extended family supports her decision.
Load More Replies... Poster should go and then at the reception generously and openly tell anyone and everyone who will listen the full truth of the horrible behavior of the half-sister. Statement such as "I'm a bit surprised Step Sister wanted me here because growing up ......." "Growing up I was told by Step Sister I wasn't her real sister and she now calls my father our mom's f@$k buddy; I'm still shocked she wanted me here. I like doing the right thing, so I came."
This is really sad. I had really crappy step-parents, but because of them I got to have younger siblings with about the same age difference as OP and her sister. The only time I every have referred to them as "half" is when trying to explain the family to people who freak out about how many siblings I have. It's because of step siblings and multiple households. But those kids are mine and I love them. That mom should take some responsibility for her older daughter's s****y personality.
This is really a no-brainer: don't go. She made it clear you don't exist as far as she was concerned and now she has to face the consequences of that attitude, that's all. Just stay home or better yet, go out and do something you always told yourself you didn't have time for and celebrate that this is your independence day.
My FULL sister is like this. ALWAYS looked down on me as trash, was so condescending from a very early age and we have been NC for many years. Out of the blue she invited me to her wedding a week before it was due to happen - it was scheduled for January 2 which meant flying NYD at a very expensive rate, was black tie and, of course, I was expected to bring an expensive present. I believe the only reason she invited me was so questions would not be asked, to show off, be condescending and try to humiliate me. I refused. She had other people contact me but I still refused.
OP's step-sister wants her at the wedding solely for the aesthetic. F**k that. NTA in any way, at all, ever.
And yet, in my family my sister and I never even thought of my baby sis as anything less than sister. Literally both of us were moms before that thought even occurred to us. And while we briefly laughed about our cluelessness, we still are all sisters. No matter who had the better dad. Luckily we all had the better dad as he adopted us the same summer my sister was born.
Mom really needs a reality check. I'm sure she would hope for a picture perfect family where there was no conflict and everyone loved each other to the moon and back. With a b*tch like that for a step-sister, it's never gonna happen. Mom open to therapy? Maybe not for this incident, but for future. There's (most likely) going to be a baby in there somewhere. Baby showers, baby birthday, family get togethers. If you want to keep away from all those things with a horrible witch, I'd start talking to Mom now. I don't believe in any way sister suddenly found a sisterly need to have you around.
Just because you share som DNA doesn't mean you have to accept the other person or persons s****y behaviour. I say, NTA, just cut that half-sister out, and remind your mother why, if she persists.
I cannot fathom how OPs dad had put up with his step daughter and wife's s**t for so many years. The OP and her dad should skip the shrew's wedding and let her mom explain to everyone why her husband, the man who raised her daughter, and younger daughter are absent.
Easiest NTA I've ever read. Utter failure on many levels by the mother. Sister needs a lot or therapy. OP should just continue on the path towards their own life away from that toxic nonsense..
What's that old saying..you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep another person warm. That's this situation. I'm happy the OP knows her worth and won't be bothered with her pig a*s sister. Plus as soon as the wedding is over, the sister will go straight back to being the classless twit she is. NTA.
NTA. But OP'S mother is, for not getting therapy for her stepdaughter and allowing this vitriolic behavior to continue. OP should definitely stay away from the wedding, and the evil stepsister. If people inquire about why she didn't attend, she should tell them the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. That includes every single, horrible comment that exited ES's mouth, as well as Mom's unwillingness to correct the problem. OP cannot stop the elephant in the room from crushing her; all she can do is leave the room. Sooner or later, she may get married. She will also have the privilege of including her mother and stepfather, while excluding that horrific excuse for a human being.
"My buddy stabbed me and I bled on their new sofa and stained it, am I the ásshole?" - that's about the ridiculousness of this post. Why, for fúck's sake, don't we ever get the interesting, CONTROVERSIAL AITAs? There are plenty of those! - oh, I know: because BP despises controversy almost as much as it despises using the full name of AM I THE ÁSSHOLE, right? RIGHT, BP?
A (young) teenager who's angry that her dad died and her mother remarried and had another child...I can understand that. Not very mature but I get it. But if you're more than 18 and still treat a child like they're scum, wishing they've never born and such, sorry but you've got problems, darling. That being said, if the older sister had asked the young one to come to the wedding, APOLOGIZING for her past behaviour, the younger sister might have considered to forgive her. But since it's not the case, absolutely not or, as we say in italian: col cazzo.
This is no attempt at a reconciliation. You are to be a prop at her wedding. The next day, things will revert to status quo ante, as the lawyers say.
Sounds like my family. Run girl. Run and don't look back. I don't believe in forgiveness "bEcAuSe ThEy'Re FaMiLy" der der der 🤪
If the sister sincerely apologized and tried to make amends, op should consider reconciling but she hasn’t done anything. This is just for show at the wedding.
After 17 years of being treated like dirt, the OP is welcome to write off her half-sister as a dreadful waste of oxygen.
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So she's bitter about her parents separation? Why doesn't she live with her dad if she hates sister and stepdad so much?
Her dad died. I stand by my theory that mom overcompensated for her poor daughter who didn't have a dad. "She called you a name? But you still have a dad who loves you." "She said she wished you were dead? Well, her dad is dead, so she's grieving." Instead of getting her daughter therapy to work through her grief she gave her a whipping girl to abuse.
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Older Sister: “I hate you! You’re not my family! I wish you were dead! Oh, I would like you to come to my wedding, pretty please.” OP: “Hell no.” Older Sister: - surprised Pikachu face -
As an oldie, it baffles me why people feel the need for validation from Reddit. Why can't people act on their own and live with their decision? If I were invited somewhere I didn't want to go, I wouldn't go, simple as that, I wouldn't need you lot to tell me whether I was right or not, even if I wasn't. Adults need to grow up a bit.
Because this is a young girl with no support system she can go to after her own mom is telling her she's wrong. You make the mistake to think you know how to behave in such situations because you're so smart and strong, but that's not true. You know what to do in such situations because someone taught you in your youth. Someone, most likely a parent or at least someone close to you encouraged you to set boundaries for yourself and defended you while you grew up, so as an adult you know what to do. But this girl watched her father allowing the older sister calling him names and her mother making excuses and not defending her. Her Grandma said something, but that too was without effect. So all she knows is how to be second best and having her sister walk all over her without anyone ever making her stop or punishing her for the nastiness. So she seeks help and validation on Reddit. Is that really so difficult to understand?
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My dad and some of his siblings have different fathers, but the same mother and some share the same father but different mothers. He still loves them as full siblings. This girl is not the a-hole and doesn't have to attend this farce of a wedding. Maybe sister will learn to be a better person from this. I doubt it, but we can be hopeful.
I'd ask to meet the fiance and his family 1st then drop the truth bomb on them what sort of hate filled girl she is about being thankful a child was a stillborn and wishing on her sister and then saying she wish she could go back in time and beg her mum for an abortion. She destroyed your childhood and people need to know what sort of evil vindictive "female dog" she truly is
One thing for sure, if you or dad came in to money etc she'd be over you like a rash, sucking up like a leech to see what she can get out of you.
I'd go and make a speech saying everything her sister has ever said to her
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Sister is borderline crazy or has a personality-disorder. I'm not a professional... but this older sisters behavior screams of lack of empathy and any care for others...
I hate to say that, but moms at fault here! That is not a behaviour of a 6-8yo you let pass to treat your new husband like that! Some therapy or whatever back then would have been good. Now I'd just stay away
I don't hate to say it. It is 100% true. Whether she felt bad for older daughter not having a dad or whatever reason she uses to justify allowing older daughter to verbally (as far as we know) abuse and intimidate younger daughter is absolute c**p. Now she's upset because future in laws will judge her when they find out why younger daughter is estranged. She doesn't want to make peace, she wants to do damage control to her image.
Load More Replies... I have 2 younger half brothers and I was sad when I realized I was not the baby anymore and I was worried I would be forgotten about. However, I would have NEVER EVER done any of this to my siblings. I was in therapy when I found out my stepmom was expecting and we worked through it. When my first brother was born, it was weird for the first 3 months but we became incredibly close and are still very close! This whole post makes me so angry. I am more angry at her mother for allowing this to continue.
On my husband's side, there are plenty of half-siblings and step-siblings. The feelings run from close ties to mild indifference. but no hostility. Weddings are attended by all. At the most recent one, his sister's teenage boys were happily rough-housing with his half-sister's little boy. They function better than my fully bio family!
Load More Replies... OPs mom is crying because the situation is sad and one of her daughters is an a*****e. Understandable. But that doesnt mean OP can fix it. Ive heard of stepsiblings and half sublings being estranged but a 19 year old telling their (blood!) sibling that they wish they were dead is not normal. OP is right to stay away from her.
B******t, OP’s mother is crying to manipulate OP. If she cared at all about the situation, she had years to fix it, but nowhere in this story days anything about the mother trying anything. The mother obviously has a very big preference for OP’s sister over OP, and didn’t care in he least when OP was the affected party, but the second the sister is in need, mom cries for “their relationship”? It doesn’t add up as mom seeing the sister is an ahole
Load More Replies... I checked on reddit - the OP wants nothing to do with the wedding or the half-sister. Her extended family supports her decision.
Load More Replies... Poster should go and then at the reception generously and openly tell anyone and everyone who will listen the full truth of the horrible behavior of the half-sister. Statement such as "I'm a bit surprised Step Sister wanted me here because growing up ......." "Growing up I was told by Step Sister I wasn't her real sister and she now calls my father our mom's f@$k buddy; I'm still shocked she wanted me here. I like doing the right thing, so I came."
This is really sad. I had really crappy step-parents, but because of them I got to have younger siblings with about the same age difference as OP and her sister. The only time I every have referred to them as "half" is when trying to explain the family to people who freak out about how many siblings I have. It's because of step siblings and multiple households. But those kids are mine and I love them. That mom should take some responsibility for her older daughter's s****y personality.
This is really a no-brainer: don't go. She made it clear you don't exist as far as she was concerned and now she has to face the consequences of that attitude, that's all. Just stay home or better yet, go out and do something you always told yourself you didn't have time for and celebrate that this is your independence day.
My FULL sister is like this. ALWAYS looked down on me as trash, was so condescending from a very early age and we have been NC for many years. Out of the blue she invited me to her wedding a week before it was due to happen - it was scheduled for January 2 which meant flying NYD at a very expensive rate, was black tie and, of course, I was expected to bring an expensive present. I believe the only reason she invited me was so questions would not be asked, to show off, be condescending and try to humiliate me. I refused. She had other people contact me but I still refused.
OP's step-sister wants her at the wedding solely for the aesthetic. F**k that. NTA in any way, at all, ever.
And yet, in my family my sister and I never even thought of my baby sis as anything less than sister. Literally both of us were moms before that thought even occurred to us. And while we briefly laughed about our cluelessness, we still are all sisters. No matter who had the better dad. Luckily we all had the better dad as he adopted us the same summer my sister was born.
Mom really needs a reality check. I'm sure she would hope for a picture perfect family where there was no conflict and everyone loved each other to the moon and back. With a b*tch like that for a step-sister, it's never gonna happen. Mom open to therapy? Maybe not for this incident, but for future. There's (most likely) going to be a baby in there somewhere. Baby showers, baby birthday, family get togethers. If you want to keep away from all those things with a horrible witch, I'd start talking to Mom now. I don't believe in any way sister suddenly found a sisterly need to have you around.
Just because you share som DNA doesn't mean you have to accept the other person or persons s****y behaviour. I say, NTA, just cut that half-sister out, and remind your mother why, if she persists.
I cannot fathom how OPs dad had put up with his step daughter and wife's s**t for so many years. The OP and her dad should skip the shrew's wedding and let her mom explain to everyone why her husband, the man who raised her daughter, and younger daughter are absent.
Easiest NTA I've ever read. Utter failure on many levels by the mother. Sister needs a lot or therapy. OP should just continue on the path towards their own life away from that toxic nonsense..
What's that old saying..you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep another person warm. That's this situation. I'm happy the OP knows her worth and won't be bothered with her pig a*s sister. Plus as soon as the wedding is over, the sister will go straight back to being the classless twit she is. NTA.
NTA. But OP'S mother is, for not getting therapy for her stepdaughter and allowing this vitriolic behavior to continue. OP should definitely stay away from the wedding, and the evil stepsister. If people inquire about why she didn't attend, she should tell them the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. That includes every single, horrible comment that exited ES's mouth, as well as Mom's unwillingness to correct the problem. OP cannot stop the elephant in the room from crushing her; all she can do is leave the room. Sooner or later, she may get married. She will also have the privilege of including her mother and stepfather, while excluding that horrific excuse for a human being.
"My buddy stabbed me and I bled on their new sofa and stained it, am I the ásshole?" - that's about the ridiculousness of this post. Why, for fúck's sake, don't we ever get the interesting, CONTROVERSIAL AITAs? There are plenty of those! - oh, I know: because BP despises controversy almost as much as it despises using the full name of AM I THE ÁSSHOLE, right? RIGHT, BP?
A (young) teenager who's angry that her dad died and her mother remarried and had another child...I can understand that. Not very mature but I get it. But if you're more than 18 and still treat a child like they're scum, wishing they've never born and such, sorry but you've got problems, darling. That being said, if the older sister had asked the young one to come to the wedding, APOLOGIZING for her past behaviour, the younger sister might have considered to forgive her. But since it's not the case, absolutely not or, as we say in italian: col cazzo.
This is no attempt at a reconciliation. You are to be a prop at her wedding. The next day, things will revert to status quo ante, as the lawyers say.
Sounds like my family. Run girl. Run and don't look back. I don't believe in forgiveness "bEcAuSe ThEy'Re FaMiLy" der der der 🤪
If the sister sincerely apologized and tried to make amends, op should consider reconciling but she hasn’t done anything. This is just for show at the wedding.
After 17 years of being treated like dirt, the OP is welcome to write off her half-sister as a dreadful waste of oxygen.
Load More Replies... So she's bitter about her parents separation? Why doesn't she live with her dad if she hates sister and stepdad so much?
Her dad died. I stand by my theory that mom overcompensated for her poor daughter who didn't have a dad. "She called you a name? But you still have a dad who loves you." "She said she wished you were dead? Well, her dad is dead, so she's grieving." Instead of getting her daughter therapy to work through her grief she gave her a whipping girl to abuse.
Load More Replies... Older Sister: “I hate you! You’re not my family! I wish you were dead! Oh, I would like you to come to my wedding, pretty please.” OP: “Hell no.” Older Sister: - surprised Pikachu face -
As an oldie, it baffles me why people feel the need for validation from Reddit. Why can't people act on their own and live with their decision? If I were invited somewhere I didn't want to go, I wouldn't go, simple as that, I wouldn't need you lot to tell me whether I was right or not, even if I wasn't. Adults need to grow up a bit.
Because this is a young girl with no support system she can go to after her own mom is telling her she's wrong. You make the mistake to think you know how to behave in such situations because you're so smart and strong, but that's not true. You know what to do in such situations because someone taught you in your youth. Someone, most likely a parent or at least someone close to you encouraged you to set boundaries for yourself and defended you while you grew up, so as an adult you know what to do. But this girl watched her father allowing the older sister calling him names and her mother making excuses and not defending her. Her Grandma said something, but that too was without effect. So all she knows is how to be second best and having her sister walk all over her without anyone ever making her stop or punishing her for the nastiness. So she seeks help and validation on Reddit. Is that really so difficult to understand?
Load More Replies... My dad and some of his siblings have different fathers, but the same mother and some share the same father but different mothers. He still loves them as full siblings. This girl is not the a-hole and doesn't have to attend this farce of a wedding. Maybe sister will learn to be a better person from this. I doubt it, but we can be hopeful.
I'd ask to meet the fiance and his family 1st then drop the truth bomb on them what sort of hate filled girl she is about being thankful a child was a stillborn and wishing on her sister and then saying she wish she could go back in time and beg her mum for an abortion. She destroyed your childhood and people need to know what sort of evil vindictive "female dog" she truly is
One thing for sure, if you or dad came in to money etc she'd be over you like a rash, sucking up like a leech to see what she can get out of you.
I'd go and make a speech saying everything her sister has ever said to her
Load More Replies... Sister is borderline crazy or has a personality-disorder. I'm not a professional... but this older sisters behavior screams of lack of empathy and any care for others...
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