School Principal Gives Student With Cerebral Palsy Detention And Doesn’t Care She Can’t Come Back Home That Late
In an ideal world we would like everyone to be treated equally, but this is not possible, and not just because of our mindset, but because of things like physical capabilities. You can’t expect a student with cerebral palsy to perform the same things in a physical education class as from an able-bodied kid and then punish them for disobeying.
This Redditor’s daughter was put in this exact situation and it seems that the school didn’t really care that they’d put their student’s health in danger and wanted to punish her for standing up for herself by trying to make her suffer physically.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes parents get overprotective and are a nightmare to deal with but the internet doesn’t think it’s the case with this mom
Image credits: Seattle Parks & Recriation (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) is a mom to a 13-year-old daughter who has cerebral palsy. According to the CDC, cerebral palsy “is a group of disorders that affect a person’s ability to move and maintain balance and posture. <…> CP is caused by abnormal brain development or damage to the developing brain that affects a person’s ability to control his or her muscles.”
The mom explains that her daughter Amanda is able to walk independently, although not for long periods and only on even ground and otherwise she has to have assistance. And because of her condition, she is not able to do all the activities other able-bodied kids can, so she has an individualized education program (IEP) that lists those activities.
The OP’s daughter has cerebral palsy, which means she has limited mobility and there are activities she cannot do
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
It seems that the PE substitute teacher didn’t know this and when Amanda explained she couldn’t climb up a rock wall because of her condition, he didn’t believe it. It probably didn’t help that another student said they also had the same condition wanting to avoid the exercise.
The teacher insisted on Amanda doing the exercise, to which the teenager lost her patience and started to swear at the teacher. Naturally, the school thought such behavior should be punished by detention.
The problem is that Amanda has to leave school at a specific hour to catch the bus that takes her home as the other drops her off about a mile away from her house and there is no footpath, which would be too much of a challenge for her.
So when the principal called OP to tell her what happened, she asked the principal to change the punishment, because the mom works until 6pm and her husband was away that day, so nobody could pick up Amanda at 4:30pm from school.
So when the substitute teacher wanted to make her climb the rock wall even though she told him to she couldn’t, the teenager started swearing
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
The principal’s response was that Amanda walking a mile home after riding the later bus is just a natural consequence, ignoring the fact that this student isn’t able to walk just any distance on any surface.
While the mom agreed that swearing at the teacher wasn’t the best way to handle the situation, putting a student’s health in danger was even worse. So the OP decided to take Amanda home during her lunch break, making her miss lessons for the rest of the day.
When the school called back, they agreed on a lunch detention that wouldn’t make Amanda go home later. So the OP got what she wanted; however, her sister thought she was being a demanding and overprotective mom, so she wanted to hear the internet’s opinion.
The mom got a call from the principal saying she was being kept after school for swearing, which would mean Amanda would miss the bus she usually took
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
People in the comments completely agreed that the school was in the wrong and the teacher, despite being a substitute, should have been informed about children in his class. People also pointed out that the mom shouldn’t have punished her daughter at all, being that she just stood up for herself after she explained why she couldn’t do the exercise.
People with disabilities often face ableism and sometimes if they don’t look stereotypically ill, their condition might not be taken seriously. So Amanda, being only 13 years old and being able to set her boundaries, showed just how brave she was when she only resorted to swearing after the teacher insisted on her climbing the wall.
After reading the comments, the mom posted an update and wrote that she apologized to Amanda for grounding her and explained why what she did was wrong, but didn’t blame her for that.
There was another bus, but it would have dropped Amanda a mile away from her home – which may not seem like a lot, but for a person with cerebral palsy, it’s dangerous
Image credits: SP DT ( not the actual image)
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
Amanda actually responded very well and even decided to voluntarily write a letter to the principal apologizing for swearing, promising to use other words to make her point next time and, if all else fails, go to the SPED room for help.
She also opened up to the principal about being “feeling embarrassed and ‘called out’ and a whole host of emotions which made her feel like she ‘shut down’” after the teacher wouldn’t believe her.
So the mom just decided to pick up Amanda from school during her lunch break so as not to put her in danger because the principal wouldn’t change the punishment
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
Sadly, the letter didn’t touch the principal’s heart and during the meeting with the OP, he didn’t call in the substitute teacher, he didn’t say what punishment the kid who lied about having cerebral palsy will get, and he suggested that this private school wasn’t the best fit for Amanda’s ‘limitations.’
The mom was already ready for that and before this meeting came, she had already toured another school and got everything in order to transfer Amanda to that school the following semester. The school assured her that they have experience with students that need accommodations, so there wouldn’t be any problems for her going from class to class or making an IEP.
The school finally agreed on a lunch detention, but the mom was accused of being annoying by her sister, so she asked the internet if she was being too demanding
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
Image credits: Ian Dick (not the actual image)
Do you think the OP was being that annoying mom who thinks her child needs special treatment, like her sister said? Or do you think she had the right to do so as the school wasn’t following their own rules? Let us know your thoughts about the story in the comments!
Redditors not only supported the OP but thought that her daughter shouldn’t have been punished in the first place for standing up for herself
There's an update post as well, link at the end. Be warned, it'll get your blood boiling. TLDR version, this was a private school in Australia, principal doubled down, even told her the kid isn't "normal" or a fit for the school and they should go somewhere else. Spoiler, Mom transferred her to a public school that went out of their way to accommodate her & pointed out she's not the only one so they're used to working with IEPs & the like. Link to update: https://www.reddit.com/user/TA_AITA_BadMum/comments/v9pcws/update_to_my_aita_post/
It sounds as if the school wanted to get rid of the girl by any means possible, including risking her safety. Sounds like the principal couldn't see past a relatively easy accommodation. The principal also forgets that many people will require accommodation at some point, such as after an accident, illness, or just plain old age. Thank goodness the mother found a school with sense and empathy.
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I'm so sick of schools undermining students and parents. Yeah, they have a hard job to do, but would it really be that hard to make essential notes for subs about students with medical conditions and special needs? My daughter's sub teacher confiscated her epi pen accusing her of using it for attention.
WTF! Taking away an epi pen sounds like child endangerment to me.
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Maybe, just MAYBE, make sure the daughter knows that language is generally inappropriate. And that's it. The teacher should be apologizing to HER and not the other way around.
Did you expect her to write some sort of sonnet during a period of stress being intimidated by someone in a position of authority? Given the circumstances "F**k off" is entirely appropriate. Given the story originates from Australia, I'm surprised her remark wasn't even more colorful.
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The school was in the wrong and the student deserves an apology. No grey area.
Tangential question: what substitute teacher is trained and certified to instruct rock wall climbing? I think more kids than just the kid with CP were in danger...
This didn't happen at school, but I played after school sports when I was a kid and one of them was basketball. I have asthma and can have an attack from running to hard or a sudden change in the weather. Some of the other parents thought that my parents were lying about me having asthma. Their thought process was that I shouldn't be playing sports if I have asthma and since I was playing I must not have asthma. My coach and parents set them straight and they didn't say anything else about it.
Good job on standing up for you! I've read of several top athletes having asthma. Some persisted in part to increase their lung capacity, some persisted in spite of asthma. One of the attitudes I've learned about disabilities and health issues: don't assume that everyone with it is the same. People vary in terms of how it affects them and how they approach managing it.
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I think the swearing deserves an apology. If that were my daughter, I'd take the grievance to the superintendent and school board. That teacher and principal are NOT OK.
There are times when swearing is entirely appropriate and this is one of them. If it were my kid, I'd swear at them myself and teach the kid some extra swear words to use for the next time this happens
Load More Replies... I'm on the fence about detention and an apology for the repeated swearing. I'm 100% against putting a child in harm's way for telling someone to eff off.
That's what everybody (outside of the school), including the kid, seems to agree was appropriate; a couple of lunch detentions and an apology about cursing and only about the cursing. The kid did end up writing a really classy apology (no help from mom) that also outlined why this was a problem in the first place (not listened to, failure by the school, etc.). You can read it in the update post.
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NTA of course, and also - Amanda, DO NOT GIVE IN! Your teacher is in the wrong here, and someone trying to take advantage and hitch a pass on your issues is neither your problem, nor your fault, nor does it change that you have a valid reason not to attempt to climb a rock wall. Has the substitute teacher apologized for his mistakes?
My brother made a very smart aleck response to a substitute teacher in class one day. Nothing rude or offensive (no swearing). Sub got very defensive and demanded *both* parents to show up at the principal's office. Easy for my dad, as he WFH; my mom needed to take 2 hours off of work (commute was 40 minutes each way). After the teacher had spoken her piece and gone back to class, my mom was furious; but simply informed the principle that ' the issues dies here and dies now'. He agreed, and explained the sub was just very sensitive from experiences from another school, and overreacted.
Nah I would've demanded that sub be fired, if she's going to overreact and be sensitive because a kid said something smart alec then she definitely shouldn't be around kids (also just because you've had experiences from other schools doesn't mean you get to overreact).
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I'm surprised the school officials didn't get into very serious trouble for failing to accommodate a disability. And showing that level of hostility to the disabled should result in complete destruction of their careers.
Of course nta. Amanda was totally justified with doing what she did. She should not be punished, like at all. What kind of school has a rock wall though?
Sadly your all mad at the wrong person. As a teacher in my lesson plans it is my responsibility to leave notes on IEP students. Not just sub plans but the plans I turned in every week with accommodations and alternative assignments for students who could not due the regular assignment. Privacy laws do not give subs access to IEPs I kept the list of accommodations for each student in the lesson plan book so who ever took over the class knew what to do bit I could not (and they wouldn’t have time to read it anyway) leave an IEP.
If there is an IEP in place, there is a formal grievance procedure to follow. (At least in the US.) I would be surprised if that wasn't true in Australia. Unfortunately private schools aren't bound by them, only public schools. BTDT. By the time my son left elementary school, the middle school knew who I was before I had set foot in the place. Once, I called a meeting about a grade F he was given for using a pen instead of a pencil on a math test. They had 13 people in the room against just me. They lost. Too bad, so sad. All I have to say is - Know your child's rights and the laws (state and federal) governing IEPs.
well he was a sub and probably thought as a teen she was just trying to get out of doing something she didn't want to do there is defiantly a better response by her than swearing at him she should have just walked out and headed to a guidance councilors office and returned to the class with the councilor so this teacher could be told that in fact she can not do this she should be excused by a doctors note from having to take gym at all i don't understand the school making her take gym at all when she has such a medical condition my grandson had pots it was found out the beginning of 9th grade and he had to have food and drinks with him at all times and some of the teachers gave him a hard time for having to have food and drinks when he needed it so he would not pass out my daughter had to go to the school and make sure that all his teachers knew this and he also carried a paper explaining what his needs were written by his doctor my daughter also put the letter on file with the school
WTH is lunch detention? Are they denied food or just forced to eat lunch in private?
Just have to have lunch in a classroom in silence. I once asked if I could go to lunch detention because I preferred it, but the teacher said no, lol
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In my experience IEP documents in the private school setting and public school are considered legally binding. Don't know about Australia but they might want to check.
The child did the right thing with swearing until sent away, she was making the only option for the teacher to remove her from danger that the teacher was forcing her into. I would also look into the sub being an actual p.e teacher, if not then having any student climb a rock wall was putting everyone in danger, and the school would be in ruin at the end of that legal issue. I am glad they moved her to a public school that cares more.
I think the point missing here js detention is supposed to inconvenience a parent. They're saying one of them has to pick her up at 6 then so be it. You can't dictate your child's detention when they've actually done something wrong. She shouldn't take the wrong bus, but rather have an after school detention on a day she can be picked up.
F**k the guy that said “YTA” in the Reddit responses! They do not understand how f*****g dangerous the punishment could’ve been! Is that person delusional? Do they suffer from a mental illness?
She should not very exempt from detebruon for saying f**k off to a teacher
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F**k your sister. There is no reasonable human being on this planet that would say you are TA. You were WELL within your rights (as a mom or otherwise) to do what you did. To even suggest you were being "that mom" is laughable. P.S. That principal should be fired for nothing if not that despicable "natural consequence" comment.
that PE teacher should be fired. and i am not also a big fan of the F word and it is still like a shock for me to hear it coming from a kid (I'm just saying). adult should lay off using it.
The child needs to be punished for telling the substitute to f off. That is inappropriate language at school and there are rules against it. Even if a person is in the wrong, as the substitute was, language like that only makes a situation worse. This is the age to learn to not communicate with that language and to instead communicate respectfully and persuasively. But, the school needed to accommodate the disability and rearrange the detention.
You can reinforce good manners (no cussing at the teacher. While standing up for her rights. 1. Go sit with her in the detention room. But off by yourself for her allotted punishment time explain that there are better ways to express herself with respect.. 2. Approach the teacher with information on CP. (spasms, involuntary muscle movements. And the fact that it would be much too dangerous to do the rock climb and why and he could get into big trouble not knowing what her handicap entails and that you do not want him or your daughter, to suffer.
There's an update post as well, link at the end. Be warned, it'll get your blood boiling. TLDR version, this was a private school in Australia, principal doubled down, even told her the kid isn't "normal" or a fit for the school and they should go somewhere else. Spoiler, Mom transferred her to a public school that went out of their way to accommodate her & pointed out she's not the only one so they're used to working with IEPs & the like. Link to update: https://www.reddit.com/user/TA_AITA_BadMum/comments/v9pcws/update_to_my_aita_post/
It sounds as if the school wanted to get rid of the girl by any means possible, including risking her safety. Sounds like the principal couldn't see past a relatively easy accommodation. The principal also forgets that many people will require accommodation at some point, such as after an accident, illness, or just plain old age. Thank goodness the mother found a school with sense and empathy.
Load More Replies... I'm so sick of schools undermining students and parents. Yeah, they have a hard job to do, but would it really be that hard to make essential notes for subs about students with medical conditions and special needs? My daughter's sub teacher confiscated her epi pen accusing her of using it for attention.
WTF! Taking away an epi pen sounds like child endangerment to me.
Load More Replies... Maybe, just MAYBE, make sure the daughter knows that language is generally inappropriate. And that's it. The teacher should be apologizing to HER and not the other way around.
Did you expect her to write some sort of sonnet during a period of stress being intimidated by someone in a position of authority? Given the circumstances "F**k off" is entirely appropriate. Given the story originates from Australia, I'm surprised her remark wasn't even more colorful.
Load More Replies... The school was in the wrong and the student deserves an apology. No grey area.
Tangential question: what substitute teacher is trained and certified to instruct rock wall climbing? I think more kids than just the kid with CP were in danger...
This didn't happen at school, but I played after school sports when I was a kid and one of them was basketball. I have asthma and can have an attack from running to hard or a sudden change in the weather. Some of the other parents thought that my parents were lying about me having asthma. Their thought process was that I shouldn't be playing sports if I have asthma and since I was playing I must not have asthma. My coach and parents set them straight and they didn't say anything else about it.
Good job on standing up for you! I've read of several top athletes having asthma. Some persisted in part to increase their lung capacity, some persisted in spite of asthma. One of the attitudes I've learned about disabilities and health issues: don't assume that everyone with it is the same. People vary in terms of how it affects them and how they approach managing it.
Load More Replies... I think the swearing deserves an apology. If that were my daughter, I'd take the grievance to the superintendent and school board. That teacher and principal are NOT OK.
There are times when swearing is entirely appropriate and this is one of them. If it were my kid, I'd swear at them myself and teach the kid some extra swear words to use for the next time this happens
Load More Replies... I'm on the fence about detention and an apology for the repeated swearing. I'm 100% against putting a child in harm's way for telling someone to eff off.
That's what everybody (outside of the school), including the kid, seems to agree was appropriate; a couple of lunch detentions and an apology about cursing and only about the cursing. The kid did end up writing a really classy apology (no help from mom) that also outlined why this was a problem in the first place (not listened to, failure by the school, etc.). You can read it in the update post.
Load More Replies... NTA of course, and also - Amanda, DO NOT GIVE IN! Your teacher is in the wrong here, and someone trying to take advantage and hitch a pass on your issues is neither your problem, nor your fault, nor does it change that you have a valid reason not to attempt to climb a rock wall. Has the substitute teacher apologized for his mistakes?
My brother made a very smart aleck response to a substitute teacher in class one day. Nothing rude or offensive (no swearing). Sub got very defensive and demanded *both* parents to show up at the principal's office. Easy for my dad, as he WFH; my mom needed to take 2 hours off of work (commute was 40 minutes each way). After the teacher had spoken her piece and gone back to class, my mom was furious; but simply informed the principle that ' the issues dies here and dies now'. He agreed, and explained the sub was just very sensitive from experiences from another school, and overreacted.
Nah I would've demanded that sub be fired, if she's going to overreact and be sensitive because a kid said something smart alec then she definitely shouldn't be around kids (also just because you've had experiences from other schools doesn't mean you get to overreact).
Load More Replies... I'm surprised the school officials didn't get into very serious trouble for failing to accommodate a disability. And showing that level of hostility to the disabled should result in complete destruction of their careers.
Of course nta. Amanda was totally justified with doing what she did. She should not be punished, like at all. What kind of school has a rock wall though?
Sadly your all mad at the wrong person. As a teacher in my lesson plans it is my responsibility to leave notes on IEP students. Not just sub plans but the plans I turned in every week with accommodations and alternative assignments for students who could not due the regular assignment. Privacy laws do not give subs access to IEPs I kept the list of accommodations for each student in the lesson plan book so who ever took over the class knew what to do bit I could not (and they wouldn’t have time to read it anyway) leave an IEP.
If there is an IEP in place, there is a formal grievance procedure to follow. (At least in the US.) I would be surprised if that wasn't true in Australia. Unfortunately private schools aren't bound by them, only public schools. BTDT. By the time my son left elementary school, the middle school knew who I was before I had set foot in the place. Once, I called a meeting about a grade F he was given for using a pen instead of a pencil on a math test. They had 13 people in the room against just me. They lost. Too bad, so sad. All I have to say is - Know your child's rights and the laws (state and federal) governing IEPs.
well he was a sub and probably thought as a teen she was just trying to get out of doing something she didn't want to do there is defiantly a better response by her than swearing at him she should have just walked out and headed to a guidance councilors office and returned to the class with the councilor so this teacher could be told that in fact she can not do this she should be excused by a doctors note from having to take gym at all i don't understand the school making her take gym at all when she has such a medical condition my grandson had pots it was found out the beginning of 9th grade and he had to have food and drinks with him at all times and some of the teachers gave him a hard time for having to have food and drinks when he needed it so he would not pass out my daughter had to go to the school and make sure that all his teachers knew this and he also carried a paper explaining what his needs were written by his doctor my daughter also put the letter on file with the school
WTH is lunch detention? Are they denied food or just forced to eat lunch in private?
Just have to have lunch in a classroom in silence. I once asked if I could go to lunch detention because I preferred it, but the teacher said no, lol
Load More Replies... In my experience IEP documents in the private school setting and public school are considered legally binding. Don't know about Australia but they might want to check.
The child did the right thing with swearing until sent away, she was making the only option for the teacher to remove her from danger that the teacher was forcing her into. I would also look into the sub being an actual p.e teacher, if not then having any student climb a rock wall was putting everyone in danger, and the school would be in ruin at the end of that legal issue. I am glad they moved her to a public school that cares more.
I think the point missing here js detention is supposed to inconvenience a parent. They're saying one of them has to pick her up at 6 then so be it. You can't dictate your child's detention when they've actually done something wrong. She shouldn't take the wrong bus, but rather have an after school detention on a day she can be picked up.
F**k the guy that said “YTA” in the Reddit responses! They do not understand how f*****g dangerous the punishment could’ve been! Is that person delusional? Do they suffer from a mental illness?
She should not very exempt from detebruon for saying f**k off to a teacher
Load More Replies... F**k your sister. There is no reasonable human being on this planet that would say you are TA. You were WELL within your rights (as a mom or otherwise) to do what you did. To even suggest you were being "that mom" is laughable. P.S. That principal should be fired for nothing if not that despicable "natural consequence" comment.
that PE teacher should be fired. and i am not also a big fan of the F word and it is still like a shock for me to hear it coming from a kid (I'm just saying). adult should lay off using it.
The child needs to be punished for telling the substitute to f off. That is inappropriate language at school and there are rules against it. Even if a person is in the wrong, as the substitute was, language like that only makes a situation worse. This is the age to learn to not communicate with that language and to instead communicate respectfully and persuasively. But, the school needed to accommodate the disability and rearrange the detention.
You can reinforce good manners (no cussing at the teacher. While standing up for her rights. 1. Go sit with her in the detention room. But off by yourself for her allotted punishment time explain that there are better ways to express herself with respect.. 2. Approach the teacher with information on CP. (spasms, involuntary muscle movements. And the fact that it would be much too dangerous to do the rock climb and why and he could get into big trouble not knowing what her handicap entails and that you do not want him or your daughter, to suffer.
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