School Principal Gives Student With Cerebral Palsy Detention And Doesn’t Care She Can’t Come Back Home That Late
In an ideal world we would like everyone to be treated equally, but this is not possible, and not just because of our mindset, but because of things like physical capabilities. You can’t expect a student with cerebral palsy to perform the same things in a physical education class as from an able-bodied kid and then punish them for disobeying.
This Redditor’s daughter was put in this exact situation and it seems that the school didn’t really care that they’d put their student’s health in danger and wanted to punish her for standing up for herself by trying to make her suffer physically.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes parents get overprotective and are a nightmare to deal with but the internet doesn’t think it’s the case with this mom
Image credits: Seattle Parks & Recriation (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) is a mom to a 13-year-old daughter who has cerebral palsy. According to the CDC, cerebral palsy “is a group of disorders that affect a person’s ability to move and maintain balance and posture. <…> CP is caused by abnormal brain development or damage to the developing brain that affects a person’s ability to control his or her muscles.”
The mom explains that her daughter Amanda is able to walk independently, although not for long periods and only on even ground and otherwise she has to have assistance. And because of her condition, she is not able to do all the activities other able-bodied kids can, so she has an individualized education program (IEP) that lists those activities.
The OP’s daughter has cerebral palsy, which means she has limited mobility and there are activities she cannot do
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
It seems that the PE substitute teacher didn’t know this and when Amanda explained she couldn’t climb up a rock wall because of her condition, he didn’t believe it. It probably didn’t help that another student said they also had the same condition wanting to avoid the exercise.
The teacher insisted on Amanda doing the exercise, to which the teenager lost her patience and started to swear at the teacher. Naturally, the school thought such behavior should be punished by detention.
The problem is that Amanda has to leave school at a specific hour to catch the bus that takes her home as the other drops her off about a mile away from her house and there is no footpath, which would be too much of a challenge for her.
So when the principal called OP to tell her what happened, she asked the principal to change the punishment, because the mom works until 6pm and her husband was away that day, so nobody could pick up Amanda at 4:30pm from school.
So when the substitute teacher wanted to make her climb the rock wall even though she told him to she couldn’t, the teenager started swearing
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
The principal’s response was that Amanda walking a mile home after riding the later bus is just a natural consequence, ignoring the fact that this student isn’t able to walk just any distance on any surface.
While the mom agreed that swearing at the teacher wasn’t the best way to handle the situation, putting a student’s health in danger was even worse. So the OP decided to take Amanda home during her lunch break, making her miss lessons for the rest of the day.
When the school called back, they agreed on a lunch detention that wouldn’t make Amanda go home later. So the OP got what she wanted; however, her sister thought she was being a demanding and overprotective mom, so she wanted to hear the internet’s opinion.
The mom got a call from the principal saying she was being kept after school for swearing, which would mean Amanda would miss the bus she usually took
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
People in the comments completely agreed that the school was in the wrong and the teacher, despite being a substitute, should have been informed about children in his class. People also pointed out that the mom shouldn’t have punished her daughter at all, being that she just stood up for herself after she explained why she couldn’t do the exercise.
People with disabilities often face ableism and sometimes if they don’t look stereotypically ill, their condition might not be taken seriously. So Amanda, being only 13 years old and being able to set her boundaries, showed just how brave she was when she only resorted to swearing after the teacher insisted on her climbing the wall.
After reading the comments, the mom posted an update and wrote that she apologized to Amanda for grounding her and explained why what she did was wrong, but didn’t blame her for that.
There was another bus, but it would have dropped Amanda a mile away from her home – which may not seem like a lot, but for a person with cerebral palsy, it’s dangerous
Image credits: SP DT ( not the actual image)
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
Amanda actually responded very well and even decided to voluntarily write a letter to the principal apologizing for swearing, promising to use other words to make her point next time and, if all else fails, go to the SPED room for help.
She also opened up to the principal about being “feeling embarrassed and ‘called out’ and a whole host of emotions which made her feel like she ‘shut down’” after the teacher wouldn’t believe her.
So the mom just decided to pick up Amanda from school during her lunch break so as not to put her in danger because the principal wouldn’t change the punishment
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
Sadly, the letter didn’t touch the principal’s heart and during the meeting with the OP, he didn’t call in the substitute teacher, he didn’t say what punishment the kid who lied about having cerebral palsy will get, and he suggested that this private school wasn’t the best fit for Amanda’s ‘limitations.’
The mom was already ready for that and before this meeting came, she had already toured another school and got everything in order to transfer Amanda to that school the following semester. The school assured her that they have experience with students that need accommodations, so there wouldn’t be any problems for her going from class to class or making an IEP.
The school finally agreed on a lunch detention, but the mom was accused of being annoying by her sister, so she asked the internet if she was being too demanding
Image credits: u/TA_AITA_BadMum
Image credits: Ian Dick (not the actual image)
Do you think the OP was being that annoying mom who thinks her child needs special treatment, like her sister said? Or do you think she had the right to do so as the school wasn’t following their own rules? Let us know your thoughts about the story in the comments!
Redditors not only supported the OP but thought that her daughter shouldn’t have been punished in the first place for standing up for herself
There's an update post as well, link at the end. Be warned, it'll get your blood boiling. TLDR version, this was a private school in Australia, principal doubled down, even told her the kid isn't "normal" or a fit for the school and they should go somewhere else. Spoiler, Mom transferred her to a public school that went out of their way to accommodate her & pointed out she's not the only one so they're used to working with IEPs & the like. Link to update: https://www.reddit.com/user/TA_AITA_BadMum/comments/v9pcws/update_to_my_aita_post/
It sounds as if the school wanted to get rid of the girl by any means possible, including risking her safety. Sounds like the principal couldn't see past a relatively easy accommodation. The principal also forgets that many people will require accommodation at some point, such as after an accident, illness, or just plain old age. Thank goodness the mother found a school with sense and empathy.
It’s a shame how often failing to accommodate is used as a passive effort to exclude disabled children and adults - not just in schools but workplaces, businesses, events, transportation etc - and I’m glad that’s now being recognized. As you say, everyone could need accommodations at some point (and abilities/health can change in an instant) so things like this affect the whole community, even those who are currently non-disabled.
I hope the mom sued the private school for discrimination, failure to honor an IEP, bullying her child, and putting her in imminent danger by trying to 1) force her to climb the rock wall, 2) force her to take a later bus that would drop her off a mile from her house, which would 3) force her to walk farther than she physically is able to walk. A good lawyer could set precedent with the case. Not to mention a few words whispered into the ear of the right journalist could really embarrass the school, and put both the school—-and especially the the principal and that substitute teacher—-in a real bind trying to justify their actions. Might even result in a significant drop in registrations next year.
There's another update! Amanda took a tour of the new school and loved it, and the mum decided to report the school after all. https://www.reddit.com/user/TA_AITA_BadMum/comments/vc37ds/2nd_update_to_my_aita_post/
Awesome!
Thank you for posting this update. It's appalling that they said she's not "normal!" This school shouldn't be dealing children with such a lack of compassion for their differences. I'm glad the public school is so accommodating but I also hope that she reports the private school. Their negligence is going to get hurt since they refuse to make any changes to prevent the same thing that happened to the daughter. A paper trail shows a pattern of neglect. It doesn't have to involve the media.
Correction their negligence will get someone else hurt
She is reporting them :) https://www.reddit.com/user/TA_AITA_BadMum/comments/vc37ds/2nd_update_to_my_aita_post/
Oh, I read it, and I'm not surprised. For all that people blather on about how great private schools are, her update is precisely why I don't get behind private school education. (Despite the fact that I went to Catholic school most of my elementary school years and worked as an aide and a teacher in a different religious school system for ten years.) They don't accommodate differences. Of any kind. They don't have the money, they don't have the staff, and honestly, they often don't have the motivation, because it's hard. It's easier, especially in the US, to push "different" students out and into public school. I will say, I did find the principal's comment in that update to be utterly asinine. He had the boneheaded temerity to say the girl didn't "need" an IEP since it should be "clear" she had a disability. So she's not disabled enough? GRRR. I have CP myself. It's a very mild form, probably even more mild than the girl in question, but quite similar, from the way the mother described it. My disability mostly affects my balance -- I have a hard time with stairs, curbs, and such. I trip over cracks in the sidewalk no one else even sees, always wiping out my poor knees, and I've fallen flat on my face often. It's been like this all my life, and I'm almost 63. But it's not obvious, or "clear", unless you watch me walk. So it's not as bad as most people who have CP, thankfully, but it's not fun. I know exactly how that girl felt when she was dismissed, minimized and mocked. The implication from the principal that this girl needs to be spastic, or have an intellectual disability, or whatever, so that there's no "confusion" about her problems is disgusting. I dare him to deal with her issue for a week. I bet he couldn't handle it.
Ableism seriously needs to have the same consequences as being bigoted in other ways. Until then, pieces of s**t like this principal will keep trying to kill kids.
I'm so sick of schools undermining students and parents. Yeah, they have a hard job to do, but would it really be that hard to make essential notes for subs about students with medical conditions and special needs? My daughter's sub teacher confiscated her epi pen accusing her of using it for attention.
WTF! Taking away an epi pen sounds like child endangerment to me.
"Hello police? An adult has just intentionally stolen vital lifesaving, prescription medication from a child."
Definitely notify the local dept of Education
Maybe, just MAYBE, make sure the daughter knows that language is generally inappropriate. And that's it. The teacher should be apologizing to HER and not the other way around.
Did you expect her to write some sort of sonnet during a period of stress being intimidated by someone in a position of authority? Given the circumstances "F**k off" is entirely appropriate. Given the story originates from Australia, I'm surprised her remark wasn't even more colorful.
Hyperbole much? "Generally inappropriate". I did not say it was inappropriate in this situation. In fact, I applaud her reaction. Had you read my comment instead of knee-jerking at one word, you would have noted that I both said "generally" and that I recommend no punishment.
The "F off" muttering might be me, might be you in a scary situation like this. Better that than thinking she has to act "nice" and actually attempting the climb
Please reread my comment more carefully. You'd note that I said "generally inappropriate" and recommend against any punishment.
I'm sure her daughter knew it's a bad word but in that moment I don't think she cared because she wasn't being listened to. I've sworn at my mom in the heat of the moment when I would normally never swear at all around her. It's like an automatic reflex.
That's all I said to do, people. Make sure she knows that it's bad and that's all.
It's only inappropriate in that it's missing several additional choice words and pointed insults at the sub's incompetence. I think this kids language was otherwise perfectly appropriate for the situation. Respect is not deserved by virtue of being a teacher, or anyone with authority. The sub could not respond in kind to the student's respectful explanations and therefore forfeited any polite deference. And the sister sticking her uninvited nose in to mom shame, as if she knew better? Is she one of those bootlickers that say you should've just complied while instinctively covering your head when a cop is clubbing it with a nightstick? Did should have been told to mind her business.
And make sure she knows to use every single word in her vocabulary keep herself safe if anyone is threatening her.
There's an update post as well, link at the end. Be warned, it'll get your blood boiling. TLDR version, this was a private school in Australia, principal doubled down, even told her the kid isn't "normal" or a fit for the school and they should go somewhere else. Spoiler, Mom transferred her to a public school that went out of their way to accommodate her & pointed out she's not the only one so they're used to working with IEPs & the like. Link to update: https://www.reddit.com/user/TA_AITA_BadMum/comments/v9pcws/update_to_my_aita_post/
It sounds as if the school wanted to get rid of the girl by any means possible, including risking her safety. Sounds like the principal couldn't see past a relatively easy accommodation. The principal also forgets that many people will require accommodation at some point, such as after an accident, illness, or just plain old age. Thank goodness the mother found a school with sense and empathy.
It’s a shame how often failing to accommodate is used as a passive effort to exclude disabled children and adults - not just in schools but workplaces, businesses, events, transportation etc - and I’m glad that’s now being recognized. As you say, everyone could need accommodations at some point (and abilities/health can change in an instant) so things like this affect the whole community, even those who are currently non-disabled.
I hope the mom sued the private school for discrimination, failure to honor an IEP, bullying her child, and putting her in imminent danger by trying to 1) force her to climb the rock wall, 2) force her to take a later bus that would drop her off a mile from her house, which would 3) force her to walk farther than she physically is able to walk. A good lawyer could set precedent with the case. Not to mention a few words whispered into the ear of the right journalist could really embarrass the school, and put both the school—-and especially the the principal and that substitute teacher—-in a real bind trying to justify their actions. Might even result in a significant drop in registrations next year.
There's another update! Amanda took a tour of the new school and loved it, and the mum decided to report the school after all. https://www.reddit.com/user/TA_AITA_BadMum/comments/vc37ds/2nd_update_to_my_aita_post/
Awesome!
Thank you for posting this update. It's appalling that they said she's not "normal!" This school shouldn't be dealing children with such a lack of compassion for their differences. I'm glad the public school is so accommodating but I also hope that she reports the private school. Their negligence is going to get hurt since they refuse to make any changes to prevent the same thing that happened to the daughter. A paper trail shows a pattern of neglect. It doesn't have to involve the media.
Correction their negligence will get someone else hurt
She is reporting them :) https://www.reddit.com/user/TA_AITA_BadMum/comments/vc37ds/2nd_update_to_my_aita_post/
Oh, I read it, and I'm not surprised. For all that people blather on about how great private schools are, her update is precisely why I don't get behind private school education. (Despite the fact that I went to Catholic school most of my elementary school years and worked as an aide and a teacher in a different religious school system for ten years.) They don't accommodate differences. Of any kind. They don't have the money, they don't have the staff, and honestly, they often don't have the motivation, because it's hard. It's easier, especially in the US, to push "different" students out and into public school. I will say, I did find the principal's comment in that update to be utterly asinine. He had the boneheaded temerity to say the girl didn't "need" an IEP since it should be "clear" she had a disability. So she's not disabled enough? GRRR. I have CP myself. It's a very mild form, probably even more mild than the girl in question, but quite similar, from the way the mother described it. My disability mostly affects my balance -- I have a hard time with stairs, curbs, and such. I trip over cracks in the sidewalk no one else even sees, always wiping out my poor knees, and I've fallen flat on my face often. It's been like this all my life, and I'm almost 63. But it's not obvious, or "clear", unless you watch me walk. So it's not as bad as most people who have CP, thankfully, but it's not fun. I know exactly how that girl felt when she was dismissed, minimized and mocked. The implication from the principal that this girl needs to be spastic, or have an intellectual disability, or whatever, so that there's no "confusion" about her problems is disgusting. I dare him to deal with her issue for a week. I bet he couldn't handle it.
Ableism seriously needs to have the same consequences as being bigoted in other ways. Until then, pieces of s**t like this principal will keep trying to kill kids.
I'm so sick of schools undermining students and parents. Yeah, they have a hard job to do, but would it really be that hard to make essential notes for subs about students with medical conditions and special needs? My daughter's sub teacher confiscated her epi pen accusing her of using it for attention.
WTF! Taking away an epi pen sounds like child endangerment to me.
"Hello police? An adult has just intentionally stolen vital lifesaving, prescription medication from a child."
Definitely notify the local dept of Education
Maybe, just MAYBE, make sure the daughter knows that language is generally inappropriate. And that's it. The teacher should be apologizing to HER and not the other way around.
Did you expect her to write some sort of sonnet during a period of stress being intimidated by someone in a position of authority? Given the circumstances "F**k off" is entirely appropriate. Given the story originates from Australia, I'm surprised her remark wasn't even more colorful.
Hyperbole much? "Generally inappropriate". I did not say it was inappropriate in this situation. In fact, I applaud her reaction. Had you read my comment instead of knee-jerking at one word, you would have noted that I both said "generally" and that I recommend no punishment.
The "F off" muttering might be me, might be you in a scary situation like this. Better that than thinking she has to act "nice" and actually attempting the climb
Please reread my comment more carefully. You'd note that I said "generally inappropriate" and recommend against any punishment.
I'm sure her daughter knew it's a bad word but in that moment I don't think she cared because she wasn't being listened to. I've sworn at my mom in the heat of the moment when I would normally never swear at all around her. It's like an automatic reflex.
That's all I said to do, people. Make sure she knows that it's bad and that's all.
It's only inappropriate in that it's missing several additional choice words and pointed insults at the sub's incompetence. I think this kids language was otherwise perfectly appropriate for the situation. Respect is not deserved by virtue of being a teacher, or anyone with authority. The sub could not respond in kind to the student's respectful explanations and therefore forfeited any polite deference. And the sister sticking her uninvited nose in to mom shame, as if she knew better? Is she one of those bootlickers that say you should've just complied while instinctively covering your head when a cop is clubbing it with a nightstick? Did should have been told to mind her business.
And make sure she knows to use every single word in her vocabulary keep herself safe if anyone is threatening her.