Internet Applauds Bride For Kicking Bridesmaid Off Her Destination Wedding The Day Before The Event
One, sometimes unnoticed difficulty in putting together a wedding is the need to balance out multiple groups, from friends, to family and acquaintances. This can, at times, lead to unexpected conflicts at the worst possible time and place.
A bride was shocked to hear that one of her bridesmaids seemed to be casually racist towards a bridesmaid from Africa, culminating in the racist being kicked out. She then had some doubts, so she turned to the internet for advice. We reached out to the bride via private message and will update the story when she gets back to us.
Finding out one of your friends is a racist is, at the very least, a bit shocking
Image credits: nappy (not the actual photo)
A bride was forced to “fire” a bridesmaid after she wouldn’t stop asking weird comments to a person from Africa
Image source: aitabridesmaiddrama
Image credits: Wayne Fotografias (not the actual photo)
Jane had opportunities to back down and see the error of her ways
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
While on the surface, this looks like a wedding story, the only reason the bride felt the need to turn to the internet was the fact that this all occurred at a destination wedding. After all, if a friend is racist towards your other friend in really any other situation, one, hopefully, wouldn’t even think twice about cutting ties on the spot. Destination weddings are not the easiest cost or logistics wise, as it’s basically a vacation for the guests, but everyone has their limits.
However, this wasn’t some minor drama, all things considered, it was pure and unadulterated racism, even if Jane didn’t see it that way. It’s also important to note that Jane’s response to being told her actions were racist was to immediately get defensive. Humans are not perfect, we will make mistakes, but what sets us apart is the ability to learn. All in all, the bride is not wrong to ditch someone with these sorts of beliefs. They can reconnect in the future if Jane finally understands the error of her ways.
Instead of apologizing and perhaps rethinking her behavior, she simply told the bride that she was wrong and overreacting. Similarly, while it is possible to be racist by accident or to simply speak without thinking, Jane using the “n word” and then defending it is a red flag so large, the folks on the ISS might be able to spot it.
The bride was right to cut ties and move on
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Similarly, one has to consider how Nya may have been feeling. Imagine staying with a friend (a destination wedding isn’t just a one-day affair, after all) and this new person starts asking you ridiculous and semi-insulting questions. On top of that, they use a slur in a casual story and then try to play it off. It’s not perhaps the worst or weirdest thing a “friend” has done and considered normal, but it’s absolutely up there, as it raises questions about what else remains unsaid?
If the bride had chosen to do nothing, it’s not hard to imagine Nya deciding that cutting ties would be the best option in the long run. The bride basically had to choose between these two people, so, all in all, not siding with the racist was a pretty easy option, all things considered. Indeed, this didn’t even seem to be a possibility for the bride, as she immediately clocked Jane being weird.
All in all, Jane should already be thankful that she was invited and given such a position of “honor” as a bridesmaid. There are countless stories online of unequal levels of friendship that culminate with someone feeling snubbed at a wedding. As most commenters suggested, (some of which can be read below) she really shouldn’t feel too bad about the situation. No doubt, it cost Jane a bit of money, but in the long run, allowing her to stick around would have ruined at least one friendship and who knows what else she would have done at the wedding proper?
Some folks asked their own questions
Most sided with the bride
Later, the bride shared an update
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One of the comments in the article said it was racist to ask if a person (or people in their country) eats bugs. No, it's not.The University of Minnesota estimates that up to 80% of the world's population eats insects. The question is not inherently racist. However, the way it is asked can be. People can use all sort of ordinary language, and ordinary questions, but the tone of their voice, etc can change it's meaning, and make it racist.
I'd find it racist to ask someone if they eat bugs... That's like 4-7 yr old curiosity. If she really had that question, she would use the internet. You can get worms, crickets and other critters in America anyway, she was belittling her on purpose, clearly.
Load More Replies... African here. We do sometimes eat bugs, but mostly as a novelty or to prank tourists. Just kidding. We do. They're called mopani worms. Do not watch if you have a weak stomach. Personally I do not like them, they taste like dusty polystyrene. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMj-wklmMLE ...and as for grass huts, no not really. Mostly condos and skyscrapers or regular brick houses. However, we do have grass huts at game reserves to make tourists feel like they're really in "Africa" and having an "authentic" experience.
Nothing wrong woth eating bugs. It's by far greener to cultivate them over other forms of animal protein. Nutritional value is similar to meat, usually a higher protein. The only issue in my eyes is a cultural aversion, all the objective things i know point to it being a good idea
Load More Replies...
Maybe it's just me, but the fact that none of the participants is a native English speaker, let alone specifically American, most of the feedback and perspective is US-centric. It's difficult to gauge just how inappropriate she actually was based on the telling as she's clearly translating from her own language and who knows how well she was taught on that end. NTA regardless of all that. Though inviting someone to a destination wedding you don't know well enough to be aware of who they are is a bit dubious.
I am an American whose lived in Europe half my life. I'm used to every level of English in a multilingual, multicultural group. It's easy to tell if someone uses the n-word and other racist phrases because they are copying what they hear online or are sharing their own racist thoughts. The comments here apply to Europe as well as the US.
Load More Replies...
I'm from Africa (I'm IN Africa as we speak) and she's right, we don't have electricity. Because the employees at Eskom are useless and stole all the money. (No points for guessing which country.)
To me, it's the "she's not a ***, she's so pretty and clean" comment that clearly indicated the racism. It's the old "no, they're one of the 'good' one's" talk.
First off racism - intentionally or not - is an absolute no no. The "N" word is universally known as a degrading swear word, everywhere in this world. It seems like all persons mentioned in this post are educated, so such behavior can be seen as highly ignorant. No misunderstandings here imo. Also the bride mentioned that Jane also made certain comments about her adopted brother, so also not a first time. Language barrier or not... Personally, i would not have uninvited Jane one night before the wedding - especially since everyone already flew there and took time off from work. I'd surely cut ties after that. But that's just my personal opinion.
There are SO NANY other ways she could have asked Jane about wher she's from. "Oh wow, I've never met someone from there, what's it like to live there?" or "How interesting! Do you enjoy lving there?" even "I know nothing about this place, can you tell me more?" Questions like these show genuine curiosity, not racism. [ I don't think ] And EVERYONE should know not to use the n word.
Think that was about the right response to accidentally inviting a racist to a wedding. You didn't need anymore of her drama. And if anything at the time I would have just mailed her (certified or check) $1000 for the travel a such. Then closed that chapter. That girl had no filter and was just prob going to act rude at the wedding anyway. Regardless of drinks or fanciness of the place. She's just mean in the skull. Asking someone about their culture is different than saying so you eat bugs? Ugh. Good job staying fast to hold your ground when that happened.
To the folks who voted “There’re better ways to have handled it,” please share an example or two as I’m blanking on anything that might approach “better.” (Yes, I’m leaving out “A hard punch in the throat.”) Etiquette was EXTREMELY importsnt to my Ma, but I can’t think of a single thing she taught me that’d have applied in this instance, so pleeease gimme something I can put into my Manners toolbox. Thanks! 💋
Knowing the difference between a friend and an acquaintance might have kept this problem form occurring.
Stunning and brave was the bride! Heroic and magical was the African bridesmaid!
One of the comments in the article said it was racist to ask if a person (or people in their country) eats bugs. No, it's not.The University of Minnesota estimates that up to 80% of the world's population eats insects. The question is not inherently racist. However, the way it is asked can be. People can use all sort of ordinary language, and ordinary questions, but the tone of their voice, etc can change it's meaning, and make it racist.
I'd find it racist to ask someone if they eat bugs... That's like 4-7 yr old curiosity. If she really had that question, she would use the internet. You can get worms, crickets and other critters in America anyway, she was belittling her on purpose, clearly.
Load More Replies... African here. We do sometimes eat bugs, but mostly as a novelty or to prank tourists. Just kidding. We do. They're called mopani worms. Do not watch if you have a weak stomach. Personally I do not like them, they taste like dusty polystyrene. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMj-wklmMLE ...and as for grass huts, no not really. Mostly condos and skyscrapers or regular brick houses. However, we do have grass huts at game reserves to make tourists feel like they're really in "Africa" and having an "authentic" experience.
Nothing wrong woth eating bugs. It's by far greener to cultivate them over other forms of animal protein. Nutritional value is similar to meat, usually a higher protein. The only issue in my eyes is a cultural aversion, all the objective things i know point to it being a good idea
Load More Replies... Maybe it's just me, but the fact that none of the participants is a native English speaker, let alone specifically American, most of the feedback and perspective is US-centric. It's difficult to gauge just how inappropriate she actually was based on the telling as she's clearly translating from her own language and who knows how well she was taught on that end. NTA regardless of all that. Though inviting someone to a destination wedding you don't know well enough to be aware of who they are is a bit dubious.
I am an American whose lived in Europe half my life. I'm used to every level of English in a multilingual, multicultural group. It's easy to tell if someone uses the n-word and other racist phrases because they are copying what they hear online or are sharing their own racist thoughts. The comments here apply to Europe as well as the US.
Load More Replies... I'm from Africa (I'm IN Africa as we speak) and she's right, we don't have electricity. Because the employees at Eskom are useless and stole all the money. (No points for guessing which country.)
To me, it's the "she's not a ***, she's so pretty and clean" comment that clearly indicated the racism. It's the old "no, they're one of the 'good' one's" talk.
First off racism - intentionally or not - is an absolute no no. The "N" word is universally known as a degrading swear word, everywhere in this world. It seems like all persons mentioned in this post are educated, so such behavior can be seen as highly ignorant. No misunderstandings here imo. Also the bride mentioned that Jane also made certain comments about her adopted brother, so also not a first time. Language barrier or not... Personally, i would not have uninvited Jane one night before the wedding - especially since everyone already flew there and took time off from work. I'd surely cut ties after that. But that's just my personal opinion.
There are SO NANY other ways she could have asked Jane about wher she's from. "Oh wow, I've never met someone from there, what's it like to live there?" or "How interesting! Do you enjoy lving there?" even "I know nothing about this place, can you tell me more?" Questions like these show genuine curiosity, not racism. [ I don't think ] And EVERYONE should know not to use the n word.
Think that was about the right response to accidentally inviting a racist to a wedding. You didn't need anymore of her drama. And if anything at the time I would have just mailed her (certified or check) $1000 for the travel a such. Then closed that chapter. That girl had no filter and was just prob going to act rude at the wedding anyway. Regardless of drinks or fanciness of the place. She's just mean in the skull. Asking someone about their culture is different than saying so you eat bugs? Ugh. Good job staying fast to hold your ground when that happened.
To the folks who voted “There’re better ways to have handled it,” please share an example or two as I’m blanking on anything that might approach “better.” (Yes, I’m leaving out “A hard punch in the throat.”) Etiquette was EXTREMELY importsnt to my Ma, but I can’t think of a single thing she taught me that’d have applied in this instance, so pleeease gimme something I can put into my Manners toolbox. Thanks! 💋
Knowing the difference between a friend and an acquaintance might have kept this problem form occurring.
Stunning and brave was the bride! Heroic and magical was the African bridesmaid!
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