People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones
Interview
No one is perfect; no matter how much we idealize a person—be it a family member, a partner, an idol, or someone else—they ought to have flaws. At least one. And even though it’s important to try and accept people for who they are—the good and the bad included—sometimes that one flaw can outweigh all the good qualities they possess.
Redditor u/WoodenInevitable1574 recently asked the ‘Ask Reddit’ community what is one red flag in a partner that negates all the green ones, and members had plenty to share. Ranging from dishonesty to the daily number of selfies taken, their answers covered all sorts of factors that would fend them off from otherwise even the most perfect of partners. Scroll down to find them on the list below, together with some of the OP’s thoughts on the matter, which they shared with Bored Panda during a recent interview.
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They voted for Trump. That shows a clear lack of kindness, integrity, and intelligence.
From an overseas perspective, I see all the Trump supporters caught up in the grip of his cult leadership. He is very persuasive at his rallies. All the signs are there. Especially the one that he says he is always right and everyone who disagrees with him is wrong
How after all the "best people" he has had first being loyal and then being thrown under the bus can any trumper think he is a man of integrity? Don't get me started on the lies, his arrogance is so 6 year old flexing like he rules the world, I just can't comprehend how people can be this stupid.
The worrying thing is the amount of people that did vote for him. That is a whole lot of stupid.
Even worse when you see members of your own family support him and his monstrosities. It's soul-crushing to realize those people you respected were so full of hate and fear and you never knew it. And now you can never forget it.
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Also that they're wildly racist, homophopbic and feel it's ok to rape women.
Do away with the antiquated Electoral College. It's an outdated racist system that has allowed two Republican presidents who would otherwise not have won if we had in place a system that counts the popular vote, as every other developed country in the world does. The Electoral College is not democracy!
And then let's talk about American gerrymandering. It's almost as stupid as the electoral college.
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How can people still support him after he got his followers imprisoned, he lied, he put national security at risk, and more.
If you figure it out I'll nominate you for the Nobel Prize
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Love this game of 'spot the butthurt trump supporters" in this comment section. Beautiful. 🤌
Their butthurt tears are delicious. Full of COVID, but delicious.
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I think this needs clarification. I have friends that are devout Republican and voted for him in '16. That's fine, freedom of choice. They have since moved on from him in every way. It's the ones that STILL back him to this day. They scream a bunch of false equivalencies and think he's being singled out, but the reality is this, say Obama lost his second election and instead of bowing out gracefully, he did exactly what Trump did on Jan 6 but with BLM protestors, and refusing to turn over ALL classified docs, and trying to coerce the state of Georgia into "finding" 11,000 votes. They would be rioting in the streets demanding his hanging, literally. It's the most egregious double standard in recent memory.
I love it when they complain about the media being against Trump. Ummm, that's literally their JOB, is it not? The media's role is to be a watchdog of sorts, to expose the wrongdoings of those in power, not praise them.
Load More Replies... Anyone who supports a pathological liar, bully, convicted sex offender, a willingness to destroy our country for personal power, and a truly evil person, is a person I don't want around me. It's not political, but a person that idolizes such an evil being is guilty by association, and has no place in a civilized society. Period.
And people who can't answer this correctly: "January 6th was a...?" Anything other than an insurrection or coup attempt is a giant red flag and a hard no.
You feel the same about people that call Kenosha anything other than a rioting mob?
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Not that I’m for Trump, but I just wanna say that having a different political view is fine. I don’t think Trump or Biden is the right answer.
Very true. But unless something unforeseen or very drastic hairball, we're stuck with Republicans and Republicans Lite(TM).
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While I do not support trump, I have to say that people who voted for him could be nice people who regret that decision. I'm gonna get down voted to hell, I know, but I do have to say this.
I thought the same after the 2016 election. I can no longer hold this view after 2020/2021.
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I was an R for 30 years. I know these people. I hope the rest of you are ready to get off your moral high-horses and fight, because they'll never, ever stop until the rest of us are dead or subjugated.
If they are so awful why were you in their party for 30 years?
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And people say the left is open minded, caring, and accepting. No they only accept you if you agree with them. Down vote me you leftist accepting people. Lord knows you won't agree with me so you'll silence me
People who think our votes really matter and that we really have a say in who runs our country, it's all a facade to make us look like we have a choice
'If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. '
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You know, 2016 Trump was bad but I could at least understand why people supported him. Over the 4 years during his term I watched him destroy families, communities, and then managed to divide the entire country. Now, I just have no clue what on earth could possess someone to support such a deceitful, disrespectful, treasonous criminal!! S**t don't add up y'all...
Had a co-worker, not American, that supports Trump and the maga movement. He got fired. The people who didnt work in his section all thought, but he was good at his job and nice. He was bare minimum effort, act like a douche when the boss is gone, wants more pay despite half performing, not nice at all. Was glad to see him go. Sadly, he didnt leave before being the dirwct cause of another co-workers permanent injury out of spite. Not kidding. When my boss told me people complained about his dismissal siting he is nice. I said, no he isnt nice. The fact that he supports maga should be the first clue. Even if he is doing it semi-ironically supporting a movement that is demonstrably hurting a country and its citizens while your safe in your social democracy an ocean away where it has no direct impact on your life shows how little you care about people and how tone def you really are. It also tells everyone how you want to behave in the world.
Hey Trump supporters, thank you for teaching me how to truly, deeply hate a group of people! It's a new experience for me.
Literally half of voters voted for him. It’s pretty arrogant to write off everyone that voted for him like that. Look at the mess Biden has caused, and that’s not even mentioning his flagrant corruption.
I have a hard time blaming some of his supporters, he promised the world to these people even though we all know that he can never deliver. That being said, there are some very dense people that just refuse to do their research and will just follow him blindly even as he makes the most bizarre claims. (like QANON level claims)
His supporters have access to the same info we have. They are adult citizens of a republic and have adult citizen responsibilities toward democracy and their fellow citizens, which they have failed at respecting. Stop apologizing for people who willfully want to kill innocent people.
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Tell me which side you vote for without telling me which side you vote for lol. What clear bias. You are actually mentally deranged if this is a turn off for you. Not only thinking that all trump supporters lack the above-mentioned, but also the idea that anyone who doesn't share your political alignment is a "bad person". How narcissistic can you be lol. And before you morons scream trump supporter, no. Independent party valuing ideas from both sides.
Omg no it doesnt just because some one votes differently from you doesnt mean they're bad pearson. Get your heads out of your a*s
Yep. I actually posted this on another article, but when a friend decided to support that POS I realized we no longer had shared values. She went so far as to claim she was "Pro-Life". Oh, really? Did you decide that before or after I took you to the clinic for your SECOND abortion? Friendship terminated (see what I did there?)
Since the Reagan 80's, I've loathed Republicans. That's when they went off the deep end into a hateful territory I want no part of.
Trump supporters hate liberals...guess who else hates liberals: facist dictators. Normal conservatives don't hate non conservatives.
So... Democracy and opinions aren't allowed?? I'm not a trump supporter, but this is just insane 🤦🤦
That is a matter of opinion, and the false idea that in order to care or have kindness you have to agree with and submit to everything someone else says. I can care for others without being forced to, and enslaved to thier ideology. Kindness does not mean allowing others to run roughshod over me and my family. Recognizing others worth should never mean having to abandon my own worth and rights as a human being and as a child of God.
Some of us can separate our feelings from a logical situation 🤷🏻♀️
I’m so sick of y’all. Trump is literally just a normal president like anyone else. I’ve asked anti-Trump people what he did before, they said he posted an offensive tweet BUT THEN WERE UNABLE TO GIVE AN EXAMPLE OF IT. Y’all are r******d. Get some help. This just shows how brainwashed we all are, that voting for a certain president is considered as bad as ABUSE. We’re over here worrying about who votes for some blonde orange while those ching chings over in China are boutta kill us.
So, Trump has done a lot more than an offensive tweet. He admitted to "grabbing women by the pussy" when he didn't know he was being recorded. He had a "foundation" which was supposed to be for charity, but he was using as a way to get out of paying taxes, he filed bankruptcy six times to get out of paying businesses what he owed them. This is all before he became president. As president, he tried to blackmail a country (Ukraine, before the war) into investing Biden's son - that's very illegal. He totally f'ed up the Covid response.. He tells lies constantly - he says whatever he feels like, not caring that it's wrong. He lost the 2020 election, filed more than 60 accusations in the court over it, and had every one thrown out for lack of evidence. He tried to overturn a fair election, which is a very big deal. He even cheats at golf! He's really a terrible person. If you only watch Fox News, you aren't getting the real story on what a destructive, immoral person he is.
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Who exactly you voted for has nothing to do with it. It's the fact no one can agree to disagree anymore. Everyone gets so upset about every little thing it's ridiculous. Vote for whoever you want to, but if we can't have a decent conversation without you getting pissed because you don't like my OPINION on something, then you can shove your opinion up your own a*s. So many people run on feelings and opinions, not many actually focus on the cold hard FACTS anymore.
I'm sure the Trump voter in question was just as delighted to have what turned out to be a close-minded individual who judges people on surface qualities alone while believing their own opinions are always correct show their true colors prior to committing to a relationship with them.
As an historian, I’m torn. On one side, I genuinely can’t imagine what a rotten situation many Americans are living in. And yet, there were enough people to support him on his rise, both left and right (he had a cameo on SATC) that I also feel like the culture supported this from the start. Added to which, I’ve lived through watching the fall of Yugoslavia and the U.S.S.R., but I’ve never seen the fall of an empire… So…where’s the popcorn?,
I am not one way or another. I didn't like either candidate so I just didn't vote in that election.
Not sure how it's in America but if you don't vote in Germany this is bad because your vote will still be counted but given to a smaller party, which can then be Nazis. instead, invalidate your vote by ticking too many or too few boxes
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Stop attacking people based on political beliefs people. It doesn't matter to you as a person if someone you know is a Dem or Rep. Both sides are equally frigging stupid in my opinion, and I'm personally offended that every election in the past 30 years has been voting between a poo sandwich or diarrhea soup.
People turning political ideologies into reasons to find it OK to attack someone's sanity, psychology, or way of life is a sickness that needs to stop. The amount of over inflated hate towards EITHER group of stupid people who voted for Trump, or stupid people who voted for Biden, needs to stop. We are all stupid in our own way, stop attacking people for their own stupid choice.
I voted for Trumps' policies, most of which were useful; and effective (e.g., controlling the border, amping the economy). It's a pity that his revolting personality was part of the package, but nothing to be done about that. Didn't;'t seem like such a bad deal considering Clinton and Biden, both of whom always have (and always will) escape being held accountable for their own crimes.
FoxFaxts. Emails? Having a loser son? These aren't crimes.
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If you're sad and petty enough not to date someone over a vote then that in itself is a red flag. Now if they personally espouse negative traits? Fine. Biden has said incredibly racist things, I would not assume all Biden voters are racist. Justin Trudeau wore brown face, is every vote for him a show of support for that? Is every Trudeau voter racist?
Voting for biden shows they are bigots. The country was great under Trump.
I didn't vote but I wanted to add a vote for Biden shows a blatant disregard for racism, political coruption, bribing foreign officials to protect your criminal activities. It's on video but nobody cares.
FoxFaxts. Not "on video", this is made up bs from the GQP.
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Voting for a guy who is normal and doesn't rule a country through angry tweets is "arguable worse"?
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The so-called "sniffing" was just a show of affection. If you find some sexual undertones in it, this is just your dirty mind at work...
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So you admit you voted for an old man who isn't mentally capable of running a country. You also voted for a man that has filed bankruptcy 6 times with hotel and casino businesses. You voted for a man that spoke positively about sexually assaulting women. He paid off not 1 but 2 women with whom he had adulterous affairs. ALL of this was out in the open in '16. And you voted for him anyway. As for good/bad republicans...you can 100% blame the moderates too. To quote Martin Luther King, jr. : "The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people." I can absolutely blame any and all republicans. Like you! So thank you for your help ushering in one of the darkest eras in US history. Now go back to 4chan where you belong.
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Trumpism is a cult not a point of view. They forgive him for every crime even when he admits he did it.
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Are you actually referring to the QAnon pedophile claims? You believe that shît? That's the scary thing - there Americans who can be so easily deceived!
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Ah yes, here we have the example of the red flag of only respecting those they find attractive. Trump is the epitome of attractiveness and fitness./s
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If you think liking Trump is a political view, then you have no idea what is going on in this country.
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Trump supporters seem to support Trump hurting other people they don't like. If people think Trump is the best choice for them, then that is saying a lot about their personality.
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There's a lot, but the one I have that isn't here yet is animal cruelty, except if it's towards a cockroach.
The redditor told Bored Panda that the reason they posed the question was an ended relationship. “I asked it as some surprising revelations came up from a failed relationship I was involved in, and I was curious if I was a unique case,” they said.
Professor of psychology at the Derner School of Psychology of Adelphi University, Lawrence Josephs, PhD., pointed out that sometimes people turn a blind eye to red flags and character flaws while in a relationship, especially in the very beginning. It is related to the phenomena of ‘the primacy effect’, ‘the confirmation bias’, and ‘motivated perception’.
Having different levels of respect for people according to their profession, status, health, finances, popularity, race, etc...
You know the ones that cozy up to their peers while yelling at the waiter that brings their food to the table, mocking a special needs customer on the other table for "fun" and/or talking trash about people with a different skin color behind their backs because how dare they?
I hate those people, and make it a point to avoid them like the plague.
Oh hey, I see OP has met my sibling! Yeeah... don't ever EVER tell me "they're family! Forgive everything!" - no.
I have a bunch, but the one that'll get me downvoted to hell? Extremely devout in their religion. Doesn't matter what religion to me - if they're seriously religious, I'm gone.
The primacy effect refers to people presenting the best version of themselves when they first start dating someone, in order to make a good first impression. Dr. Lawrence Josephs suggested that such a positive impression can influence our judgment and the way we perceive the person in the future.
That often leads to confirmation bias, which means people tend to selectively look for evidence that could confirm their first impression. Similarly, they often choose to ignore anything that can challenge the positive impression, including all sorts of red flags.
Never admitting they were wrong, even in the face of evidence. Never apologizing.
No empathy for other’s distress.
This. And blaming any wrongdoing on someone else. "Someone told me to do it." "If he hadn't done . . . I wouldn't have had to . . .."
Racism/hate.
Many use their education/ background as an excuse for their racist views. Nope. At some point in life, you are making your own choices. My father is racist, homophobic, xenophobic and misogynistic (and also abusive and violent to his family). I moved away and haven't spoken to him in years.
Littering. Like , blatantly. Throwing trash out of a car window for example. It's my pet peeve. Of course, I'd point it out to them first and see if they stopped doing it but it would still be a huge red flag to me.
I can't absolutely not understand how anyone would think that's ok
According to Josephs, cognitive biases are driven by motivated perception, as people are highly motivated to believe in the idealized image they’ve created of their partner (due to being tired of being single or lonely, and similar reasons). However, he believes that people do notice red flags despite the primacy effect, the confirmation bias, and motivated perception clouding their judgment.
The OP revealed to Bored Panda what is one red flag that negates all the green ones for them: “I consider abuse of trust as the line that cannot be crossed under any circumstances. No matter what other qualities one may possess, once they break my trust, it's nearly impossible to gain it back.”
Anti-science.
As someone who works close to the scientific field, I would like to say that many seem to misunderstand the concept of science. Scientific knowledge is not fixed, it is what we think is closest to reality based on various sophisticated experiments and observations. Within the scientific community there is constant discussion and sometimes verification (unfortunately this is far too rare as there is neither prestige nor money for it and verification is even more expensive) whether all this is so.
Cruelty. People can hide it pretty well sometimes but when you see it, it’s best to dip.
strawbisundae replied:
Especially animal cruelty. My old art teacher from the third highschool I attended told me (literally old, she was 72) that, how someone treats animals is often how they treat people and you do not want someone like that in your life.
Absurd possesiveness („you can’t wear that“, „you cant go there“, „you cant talk to that guy“).
The OP believes that sharing stories and discussing similar topics can help people dispose of certain negative emotions. “Human beings are social animals. They take no joy in loneliness, and I'm not just talking physically. If someone else shares your uneasy feelings, they dissipate faster. I make these claims from personal observation and experience,” they said.
If they ever start bragging on how "fortunate" you are to be with them and how they have a roster of people they can be with at any moment.
Victim complex.
kgriff112 replied:
Just ended a friendship I’ve had with someone since kindergarten due to this.
She was always the hero or the victim (ya know, always the martyr), and it was always about her. Sad that it ended after so long but I couldn’t take it anymore, and I hated feeling like a hypocrite, calling myself her friend while growing to resent her more and more each day.
How they treat boundaries. If you set one, someone is either going to test it, or they'll actively try to help you maintain it. And if they're the former, things will only get worse from there in how they treat you.
Overbearing jealousy.
No_transistory replied:
My ex. She would go through my phone while I slept and remove and block people on my social media she didn't want me talking to. Complimenting someone's hair? Flirting. Smiling while talking? Flirting. Liking a photo? Flirting.
She could not stand me having female friends. The irony being most of her friends were male. She also never had anything nice to say about anyone or anything. Left a few months ago and I miss her, but damn I tried and tried and just couldn't cope anymore.
Oooh. I used to spend hours trying to convince my ex that I travelled for business and that was it. "Yeah, sure, who knows what male colleague was with you in your so-called business trip?" How do you prove that you didn't do something? Why would need to prove smth. like that in the first place?
Dishonesty.
For me, it depends on the degree of it. Certain things would be a deal-breaker but many things can be worked through and you can find the cause.
The older I get, the more there are. I'm not dealing with possessiveness, unkindness towards people or animals, gaslighting or other manipulative dishonesty, rage problems, irresponsible financial habits, excessive bathroom humor... I'm sure there's more. And I'm not in the business of changing people.
If we are talking early/first date stuff, though, I'd say being unkind or stingy with wait staff. Quick and easy pass.
Following anyone in the manosphere. Andrew Tate/Jordan Peterson/ Pearl for example.
Narcissistic behaviour/ manipulation. Doesn’t matter how perfect they are otherwise. Because chances are it’s not actually the real them.
Quite a few. Just being rude to people. You can be nice to people in your life,but rude to strangers and I can't stand it.
Having worked in retail in my 20's & 30's I can quite agree with this. Some customers treat you as a servant.
Addiction.
As a recovering alcoholic, that's no way to live.
It's too late for me. I read that as abduction. In my defense, I was watching X-Files earlier.
Finding out they want something like kids several months down the road, when in the beginning they swore not wanting any and you're concrete in not wanting any.
Like, I'm not changing my mind so make up yours and stop wasting my time and effort.
Hate this! I make sure right in the beginning i dont want kids so no one is disappointed later on. If you lied to make me like you or to be with me its your fault thing are going to end or you are going to be childless
Smoking
(Sorry, but kissing a smoker is absolutely gross.)
Lack of communication.
Note: this post originally had 63 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Am missing a major one here. When all their exes are creeps/ idiots/ liars/ whores/ selfish/ etc.. It's never THEIR fault the relationship ended.
I like the saying, if you smell dog s**t everywhere you go, then maybe check the bottom of your shoes!
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One question for me: Is listening a crime documentary or horror story a red flag as well? I’ve been a big fan of those, yet I’m worried If give off a bad vibe.
What? Omg... Forensic Files is one of my favourite shows. Nah, liking to listen to those/watch those things isn't a red flag... talking (seriously) about how you're taking NOTES and practicing body disposal (and that's not your profession) ... yeah, maybe you don't wanna do that...
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Anyone who has spent their adult life going from relationship to relationship without spending any real time being single
I was guilty of this until I spent 5 years single/ celibate after my divorce. There was no time to date. Right or wrong, I was just disgusted with men in general. It was more important that I focus on my kids. There were just so many reasons. It turned out to be SO good for me though. Now, if I'm with someone, it's a want to rather than a need to. It might sound like semantics, but it really is so different.
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When observing red flags, be sure to count the ones attached to you.
These are all good examples of red flags, but really, it seems like people didn't quite understand the question, because these are not the kind of red flags that would just pop up all by themselves. These examples are more like "cluster red flags" rather than a decent person who has given you tons of green lights but who might give you just the one red one (like the question). For instance (and take any one of the examples), if someone is cruel to animals, they are most likely NOT going to be giving many green signs at all and will be more likely to give multiple other red flags listed here.
I agree. No one seemed to mention anything about someone being a one-upper. That's easy to sniff out just by the first conversation.
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A few that I'd add... Doesn't respect your boundaries. Thinks "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a valid apology and/or continues the same behavior for which they've apologized. Hates being alone (they likely lack the level of self-reflection required for self-improvement). Tells you your interests are stupid or a waste of time. Can't communicate issues like a grown a*s adult, but instigates drama instead (screaming arguments, the silent treatment, passive-aggressive behavior).
There's a certain (sci-fi) celebrity of mixed race. She'd post BLM memes (which is fine) plus memes that were a tad anti-white. If a person of colour called her on it she'd never respond; if you were white and did it she'd call you racist. I used to like her until she blew up at me ranting how it was OK to hate white people because her mom didn't teach her native language; the mom married a white guy and lived in an English speaking area. I feel sorry for her white husband :p
The name of this article is people share "Their Ultimate Red Flag" and yet no one person said previous convictions for sexual predation. Weird.
When all their prior relationships ended for the same reason. My ex wouldn't talk s**t about her exes, was respectful and even spoke fondly of them, so I figured she wasn't one of those and he relationships just didn't work out for life reasons. Then once we were dating she admitted every single relationship had gone sour because in her words, if she spoke up about her feelings or needs they'd get mad and break up with her instead of being willing to work on things. I was like, well that's a coincidence but maybe she attracted a type. Then .... Whenever she had a problem, if it has anything to do with us or not, she'd got totally silent. So I figured it was a reaction to those bad relationships. It was probably actually a leftover from her childhood, which is sad, but what she ended up doing despite me going out of my way to provide her with a safe space to talk, was refusing to communicate for weeks or months at a time, then blew up screaming at me at 3am while I was fighting a migraine and saying really extreme stuff that she later tried to roll back as being overstated in the heat of the moment. Some of it was about my kid, who is well adjusted and well behaved and on target for his age socially, but she tried to make him out to be some sort of psycho monster for not knowing things, or asking questions, or here's the kicker, greeting her whenever she'd walk into a room he was in. Like, none of what she was saying even made sense. And I'm sitting there like, well if this is how you "voice your needs and boundaries" in relationships no wonder you keep getting dumped!! Then I realized that the whole "all my relationships end for the same reason" thing was a huge red flag. I've dated a lot of people, and all my relationships ended for unique reasons, mostly incompatibly of life goals or something like that, and I stayed friends with nearly all my exes like a good lesbian. Some of them even offered to be dating references for me. That's what I want in my next partner, someone who's ex still thinks their great enough to recommend to others.
If you get as far as meeting their relatives... Yeah, they'll be like the family. You might not know how, but you'll find out if you stick around.
I (hope) this isn't entirely true.... If I am like my mom or dad, then I am going to end up being a racist bigoted angry piece of trash like my dad or someone who talks and talks but never ACTUALLY listens to anyone like my mom. My dad and mom both treat animals like they are furniture and neglects them by not interacting with them. My dad doesn't show affection at all and is emotionally abusive. My mom shows emotion and is loving but will gaslight you into doing things her way. I do not want to be my parents. I want to be myself - I spoil my animals, I show affection, I TRULY try to listen to my partner's problems and communicate when things need to change. I am unfortunately quite susceptible to abuse and being taken advantage of because I try to be more generous and caring than my parents...
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Am missing a major one here. When all their exes are creeps/ idiots/ liars/ whores/ selfish/ etc.. It's never THEIR fault the relationship ended.
I like the saying, if you smell dog s**t everywhere you go, then maybe check the bottom of your shoes!
Load More Replies... One question for me: Is listening a crime documentary or horror story a red flag as well? I’ve been a big fan of those, yet I’m worried If give off a bad vibe.
What? Omg... Forensic Files is one of my favourite shows. Nah, liking to listen to those/watch those things isn't a red flag... talking (seriously) about how you're taking NOTES and practicing body disposal (and that's not your profession) ... yeah, maybe you don't wanna do that...
Load More Replies... Anyone who has spent their adult life going from relationship to relationship without spending any real time being single
I was guilty of this until I spent 5 years single/ celibate after my divorce. There was no time to date. Right or wrong, I was just disgusted with men in general. It was more important that I focus on my kids. There were just so many reasons. It turned out to be SO good for me though. Now, if I'm with someone, it's a want to rather than a need to. It might sound like semantics, but it really is so different.
Load More Replies... When observing red flags, be sure to count the ones attached to you.
These are all good examples of red flags, but really, it seems like people didn't quite understand the question, because these are not the kind of red flags that would just pop up all by themselves. These examples are more like "cluster red flags" rather than a decent person who has given you tons of green lights but who might give you just the one red one (like the question). For instance (and take any one of the examples), if someone is cruel to animals, they are most likely NOT going to be giving many green signs at all and will be more likely to give multiple other red flags listed here.
I agree. No one seemed to mention anything about someone being a one-upper. That's easy to sniff out just by the first conversation.
Load More Replies... A few that I'd add... Doesn't respect your boundaries. Thinks "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a valid apology and/or continues the same behavior for which they've apologized. Hates being alone (they likely lack the level of self-reflection required for self-improvement). Tells you your interests are stupid or a waste of time. Can't communicate issues like a grown a*s adult, but instigates drama instead (screaming arguments, the silent treatment, passive-aggressive behavior).
There's a certain (sci-fi) celebrity of mixed race. She'd post BLM memes (which is fine) plus memes that were a tad anti-white. If a person of colour called her on it she'd never respond; if you were white and did it she'd call you racist. I used to like her until she blew up at me ranting how it was OK to hate white people because her mom didn't teach her native language; the mom married a white guy and lived in an English speaking area. I feel sorry for her white husband :p
The name of this article is people share "Their Ultimate Red Flag" and yet no one person said previous convictions for sexual predation. Weird.
When all their prior relationships ended for the same reason. My ex wouldn't talk s**t about her exes, was respectful and even spoke fondly of them, so I figured she wasn't one of those and he relationships just didn't work out for life reasons. Then once we were dating she admitted every single relationship had gone sour because in her words, if she spoke up about her feelings or needs they'd get mad and break up with her instead of being willing to work on things. I was like, well that's a coincidence but maybe she attracted a type. Then .... Whenever she had a problem, if it has anything to do with us or not, she'd got totally silent. So I figured it was a reaction to those bad relationships. It was probably actually a leftover from her childhood, which is sad, but what she ended up doing despite me going out of my way to provide her with a safe space to talk, was refusing to communicate for weeks or months at a time, then blew up screaming at me at 3am while I was fighting a migraine and saying really extreme stuff that she later tried to roll back as being overstated in the heat of the moment. Some of it was about my kid, who is well adjusted and well behaved and on target for his age socially, but she tried to make him out to be some sort of psycho monster for not knowing things, or asking questions, or here's the kicker, greeting her whenever she'd walk into a room he was in. Like, none of what she was saying even made sense. And I'm sitting there like, well if this is how you "voice your needs and boundaries" in relationships no wonder you keep getting dumped!! Then I realized that the whole "all my relationships end for the same reason" thing was a huge red flag. I've dated a lot of people, and all my relationships ended for unique reasons, mostly incompatibly of life goals or something like that, and I stayed friends with nearly all my exes like a good lesbian. Some of them even offered to be dating references for me. That's what I want in my next partner, someone who's ex still thinks their great enough to recommend to others.
If you get as far as meeting their relatives... Yeah, they'll be like the family. You might not know how, but you'll find out if you stick around.
I (hope) this isn't entirely true.... If I am like my mom or dad, then I am going to end up being a racist bigoted angry piece of trash like my dad or someone who talks and talks but never ACTUALLY listens to anyone like my mom. My dad and mom both treat animals like they are furniture and neglects them by not interacting with them. My dad doesn't show affection at all and is emotionally abusive. My mom shows emotion and is loving but will gaslight you into doing things her way. I do not want to be my parents. I want to be myself - I spoil my animals, I show affection, I TRULY try to listen to my partner's problems and communicate when things need to change. I am unfortunately quite susceptible to abuse and being taken advantage of because I try to be more generous and caring than my parents...
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