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Pssst, Pandas, over here. Come closer. Did anyone follow you? Are you sure? All right, we’ve got a secret to share with you… everyone has secrets. And be careful of the ones that pretend they don’t because they’re incredible liars. Either that or they're literal saints.
Some of the things that we keep from others might be trivial (I took the last chocolate cupcake from the office kitchen), but others… well, they’re dark, dreary, and reveal some of the worst aspects of humankind. Make no mistake, some of these have the potential to break apart families and relationships. Meanwhile, revealing other secrets might put their keepers in danger.
Scroll down for the biggest secrets that people are currently keeping, as shared by the folks over on r/AskReddit in these two viral threads. Upvote the posts that you think everyone else should read. And when you’re done, why not get it all off your chest and reveal your own secrets in the comments? We promise we won’t tell anyone.
Bored Panda got in touch with dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, to have a chat about secrecy, privacy, and trust in relationships. Read on for his excellent insights.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When I finish typing this I'm going to get up and pack my things and leave this mother f**ker.
Debbie Barnes 3 years ago
If the person makes you as angry as you sound, then it may well be the right decision.
Linda Redenbaugh 3 years ago
Please be safe. You’re most vulnerable when you’re trying to leave. Don’t ever let them know what you’re planning, just get out.
“In a relationship, secrecy is about keeping secrets from the other person, whereas privacy is when you are free from being observed or disturbed by the other person,” dating expert Dan, who created The Modern Man project, explained to Bored Panda the difference between privacy and secrecy.
The expert pointed out that privacy isn’t a problem when both people in the relationship are emotionally independent. If they’re both confident, happy, and emotionally in control “regardless of what the other person says or does,” they’re likely to be fine with giving each other space. However, that’s not the case when the person is emotionally dependent, aka needy.
“They will struggle to give the other person enough privacy because they need the other person’s attention to make themselves feel okay on a daily basis,” Dan explained.
“Each relationship is different in terms of secrecy and privacy, but for a relationship to work, both people need to fully trust each other and allow the other person to take responsibility for that trust on their own,” he told us.
RELATED:
#2
I am an Atheist in Saudi Arabia and no one knows.
Paul Ellis 3 years ago
That "right" will be the very last to be granted. Islam/Sharia is so deeply ingrained in Saudi life and law that it will take decades to unseat. I've lived there and seen it first-hand.
Load More Replies... Vorknkx 3 years ago
It could be very dangerous to be open about this in such a country, so you are wise to keep it to yourself.
Pink_Boba22 3 years ago
It's sad that they have to keep it to themselves, though
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Eli Fisher 3 years ago
I met someone from Saudi Arabia recently and, while still following Islam, she said she feared for many of those with different beliefs in her home country. I can't blame her, the stories she told were heartbreaking.
DC 3 years ago
Stay safe ... eventually, every region that encountered wealth has gotten over religion. Not in everyone being a true atheist, but in most developed countries, people tend to be humanist and brush some religery over it, and call themselves believers.
Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
"in most developed countries, people tend to be humanist and brush some religery over it, and call themselves believers." .... Have you seen USA and it's Evangicals?
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Josh Stevenson 3 years ago
I truly truly hope this person used a VPN for their personal safety. Religious zealots in a country with a lot of wealth and means could very easily track this person otherwise.
#3
i let my cousin win when I play smash bros with her and she always gets really happy when she wins.
lately, she’s been letting me win instead and I love seeing her smile when I win.
Saint Thomas 3 years ago
If they keep this up, they'll get to the point where there'll be 2 characters standing still on the screen and no one will win :-)
“In other words, there’s no need to continually remind the other person about being trustworthy, demand it, or sulk about it. Just give your trust to the other person and let them take care of it. If they break your trust, then that is their mistake. However, if you regularly demand that they be trustworthy and make them promise not to cheat or betray you, then that is your mistake.”
Sometimes, complete honesty about one’s past isn’t healthy for new relationships. At times, it’s best to be discrete about certain unsavory things you might have done in past relationships if you’ve now learned your lesson. “In a relationship between two people, it's not always necessary to tell the other person absolutely everything because sometimes past truths can ruin the current relationship,” Dan stressed.
#4
My buddy and his wife are expecting their second kid. He got really drunk one night and told me the news with the biggest smile on his face. I'm the only one who knows right now. My happy, wholesome little secret.
#5
My coworker is going to re-propose to his wife next month on vacation with a new ring and then (re)marry her on the beach. He's a total hardass, non-emotional type, but he was so giddy when he told me. She doesn't know, of course.
Anna Lessens 3 years ago
If they're renewing their vows: Good for them..............................If they're divorced and remarrying: why in the name of Moses did you divorce in the first place
Robert Trebor 3 years ago
Maybe he's girding himself up to just let it out.
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#6
I’m in a grad program. I’m pretty close with three people in my cohort. One of the guys in our little group has been acting weird this semester. I got him to tell me what’s wrong.
He told me he has cancer and will most likely die within a year. He asked me not to tell anyone. The other two friends in my group just think he’s going on medical leave and will be returning. They think it’s because he’s depressed since he didn’t specify exactly what was wrong. They have no idea that they may never see him again.
I want to tell them, but he asked me not to... I feel awful about it.
Kirsten Kerkhof 3 years ago
Talk to him about it. He burdened you with his situation, which is understandable because perhaps he feels he has nobody else, but he can't drag you with him mentally.
Lizzy Crit 3 years ago
"I got him to tell me what's wrong". Nope, you keep quiet in that situation and if you can't you tell someone who is completely removed from the situation. He wasn't told unsolicited.
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Carol Emory 3 years ago
Respect his wishes and suggest that he write good-bye letters to the other members of the group to make sure they understand you had no choice but to keep his secret. Just let him know that you do not want the others to resent you for not telling them, but you will stand by his wishes.
Blackheart 3 years ago
A teacher once told me of a student she taught. The student had cancer, and died within a year. But before that year was up, he wanted to come to school. Understandably, he was not always able to do the work, but he insisted on coming. When his principal asked him why, the student responded he wanted his last days to be as normal as possible. I think that is what this gentleman wants. Let him have it.
PCW10101 3 years ago
I am so sorry to hear this, but do ask if you cant share the weight of this with your study group. Your friend will probably need meaningful support, don't limit the number of people who can help with that. I absolutely love that he is still participating in your program/group.
Amy Wilke 3 years ago
I think it's such a compliment to you that you are the one he trusts with his secret. You don't have to feel awful, just remember that you are the person he feels he can trust enough to completely be himself with. You are a source of strength. And that is something you can be proud of.
Kimberly Rohrke 3 years ago
I'm an Oncology RN. I have very strong feelings about ppl w Cancer not telling the ppl it will affect. I think it's selfish. They are taking away the ppl who are left the chance to say goodbye 😢. They will die & whatever reasons they have for not wanting to share their diagnosis will not be understood. Ppl who are dieing might want to think about the other ppl in their life. I have never understood why ppl want to hide a cancer diagnosis. The ppl who don't know could be a blessing to you while you are still here.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
A grad program should have resources for you and for your friend. Please let your advisor or supervisor know, and encourage your friend to reach out to the higher-ups. You might have to ask a couple people, but sadly, this is not an uncommon situation for students.
“For example: A guy cheated on his previous ex-girlfriend of several years, even though she treated him well. He felt bad about doing it, learned from the experience, and personally vowed to never cheat again. From that day onward, he never cheated on a girlfriend again.”
He continued: “He could tell his current girlfriend about his mistake of cheating on a good girlfriend and she may be fine about it, but she might also develop an insecurity and begin to worry that he would cheat on her if given the chance to.” This could lead to the partner becoming more possessive, controlling, and needy. That, in turn, would cause a lot of stress for both people, and it could lead to a breakup in the future.
“So, by not telling her, he gives both himself and her a clean slate in the relationship. Additionally, it’s likely that she had also cheated on a previous boyfriend at some point in her life and if she were to tell him about that, it could cause him to become insecure too. Both of them are keeping a secret, but in this case, it might actually help the relationship, rather than hurt it,” the founder of The Modern Man explained to us that secrecy can, paradoxically, help relationships in some cases.
#7
My daughter's pet Beta Fish, Pinky, is not the original Pinky. In fact, this is Pinky #9.
Aroha 3 years ago (edited)
Well this one is not ideal for a couple of reasons... Firstly, a beta fish lives for 2-5 years if cared for properly. I don't think this child is 9x2 years old, so the fish probably live in unsuitable conditions and die way too young. Secondly, in my opinion, it's not a good idea to lie about death like this. Losing a pet is sad but it is an important life lesson about mortality and grief.
Monday 3 years ago
Apparently the 9 fish are over a 7 year period....so yeah they're dying far too young.
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Kate Jones 3 years ago
you're lucky you managed to find 9 of them that look the same. bettas are beautiful and are usually pretty distinctive.
Me 3 years ago
Yes, glad you mentioned this. A semi-observant child would notice. Parents underestimate kids.
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Ines Olabarria-Smith 3 years ago
Always remember one of my English teachers. Her kid had “Clara and Pitt”, goldfish. Once she wet to the store to get “one of those Claras “.
madbakes 3 years ago
How awful. Goldfish live for a long time, and grow very large if properly cared for.
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#8
I really do care about it that much but I'm 29 and still a virgin.
I was raised super religious so dating was out of question. I started losing my faith when I was 23 ( another secret.) I feel like I'm so far behind when it come to dating that I never really found the courage to even ask anyone out.
Aran Lindvail 3 years ago
Never too late to start. Or just stay single if you feel like it, that's fine too!
Vorknkx 3 years ago
Losing one's virginity isn't mandatory and shouldn't be viewed as some sort of "rite of passage" - this only puts unnecessary pressure and can ruin things before they've even started.
foofoofloofy 3 years ago
ADULT VIRGINS ASSEMBLE! Including myself, of course.
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Paul Ellis 3 years ago
Virginity is much over-rated. The vital thing is to make a connection with someone; to fall in love is sublime! Open your heart and someone will surely come visiting!
Me 3 years ago
Seems sex is too over-rated and virginity is under-rated. But I agree, making a connection with someone is good.
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Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
You would be surprised how common this is. Living through our 20s now is an even bigger mess than usual, and all of the media makes it look like everyone is just tripping and falling into all sorts of sex all the time. It's not true. Especially not for those of us who are not into casual sex, or need some kind of emotion or connection before we start getting naked and f*****g someone.
Brivid 3 years ago
Yes, according to popular culture, everybody has seen someone across the room, made eye contact, then met them in the bathroom for casual sex.
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Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
Hey, that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's not the super important rite of passage a lot of people treat it as. Once upon a time I thought it was, but then I realised I straight up simply did not want to ever "do the do", and so I never did, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it.
#9
That the scars on my arm are from my cat. I can't believe that my parents bought the idea that the five parallel white scars are from my cat.
Narwhal Blast 3 years ago
People will believe whatever is easier for them to believe. The thought of having someone you love harm themselves in any way is terrifying and hard to deal with.
Regal Kitten 3 years ago
In fairness, I have several scars on my forearms from cats. I volunteer at an animal shelter and occasionally we recieve some bad-tempered animals.
Load More Replies... Narwhal Blast 3 years ago
Or maybe they didn't actually believe it, they were just afraid to push for more atm...
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
That's worth considering. I have friends who I know have lied about something related to mental health, but, out of grace, I give them space until they feel they can articulate it. So if someone was to tell me those scars are from their cat, I would let them think I believed it.
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Stardust she/her 3 years ago
Are you going through anything now? If you want to rant I’m here for you
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Jeff 3 years ago
I also have issues with my mental health and harm myself from time to time......I just need some extra support and affection.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
I’ll give you some support and affectiom if you want. I am always open for you an all others suffering from such conditions.
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royal_antelope 3 years ago
maybe the parents don't believe it but don't know how to handle this conversation.
AmAndA_Panda 3 years ago
Saaame. Only person who ever noticed and actually called me out on it was my tattoo artist. That's because he was working on a sleeve for me and wanted to make sure I was "done with this s**t so I don't ruin his work".
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 3 years ago
Been there sometimes still struggle with that hope u get help ❤️
Ranger Kanootsen 3 years ago
The parents always find out. I'm sorry... but you can't fool them forever especially if this is a constant habit. It hurts more than anything to tell them, but once it's out, it's out.
Not every secret is bad, of course. Someone might be planning a surprise party for you. Or they did a good deed and simply don’t like to brag. However, it’s usually saucy and dramatic secrets that get people’s attention.
Not all secrets are made equal, though. There is a difference between secrecy and privacy, you see. Just because someone’s in a committed relationship or part of a close-knit family, doesn’t mean that you have to communicate every single thought and action with them. That would be exhausting. And, let’s be frank, unnecessary—not everything we do warrants blogging about.
During an earlier interview, Bored Panda spoke to relationship coach Alex Scot. She stressed that transparency is vital in relationships, especially familial and romantic ones. We should try to live by the Golden Rule when it comes to openness: if we’d like others to be honest with us, we must strive to do the same. What’s more, we ought to imagine ourselves in the shoes of the people whose lives might be affected by our secrets.
"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," the relationship expert explained to Bored Panda that openness is best.
#10
I've relapsed with my anorexia.
I ate 626 calories today and burned 394.
I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow because I've convinced everyone I'm tired, bruising easily, and having joint pain because I might have Lyme again, but deep inside I know it is probably my body struggling to stay alive. Doctors told me if I relapsed as bad as I was, my body probably wouldn't be able to handle it again. I have a resting heartrate in the low 50s currently, and it my heartrate drops as low as 40 randomly during the day. I feel like I'm going to pass out nearly every time I stand up. Burning off those calories tonight, I was literally doubled over, gasping for air, hands on my knees trying to not fall as the ground seemed to keep rushing up to my face, covered in growing black spots.
I know I've relapsed. I know this could kill me. But it's not enough for me to overcome the messed up part of my brain that says "at least you'll die thinner."
Firstname Lastname 3 years ago
As a person who has dealt with an eating disorder for over a decade now, bless their soul. It is not an easy battle.
Elizabeth N. 3 years ago
I've been there as well. I'm sorry you had to go through it too.
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
How heartbreaking. I hope you get the help and support you need.
Kate Ayrton 3 years ago (edited)
You may never read this OP. But you took a step posting on here. And I am dead proud of you for that. You also know where you are with Ana right Now. Which sounds stupid, but it isn't. And you understand what the ramifications are. Believe it or not, You are one step ahead from where you were before. The whole thing sucks a**. Because she is in your head, telling you what to eat, what not to eat, how much. how little. How you are not enough, or you've failed or whatever total B*ll*cks she spouts to keep control of you. And i TOTALLY get the 'at least I'll die thinner'. But - you ARE enough to punch her in the face. But i know you are tired. x You are going to see you GP. That is a step. You know you are seriously sick right now. That's acknowledgement and another step. Keep taking those steps. no matter how little. Each and everyone of them add up in the grand scheme. And in case you hadn't heard lately. You are enough. x
Carol Emory 3 years ago
Thanks to Tracey Gold and her ability to explain anorexia, I understand the complex problems facing people with eating disorders. She said it was more than just sucking it up and eating. There is a lot of mental therapy that goes into overcoming anorexia. And that there are also times when she wanted to eat, but her body hurt so much every time she ate that she would relapse. You are worried about body image and how people see you. I don't care if you are thin, fat, tall, short, clear skinned or pimply...as long as you are happy. If you are not already in therapy, please, please, PLEASE get some before you reach the point of no return! Good Luck!
Caitlin Imelda Sloan 3 years ago
That's so sad, i can't imagine feeling like that and not being able to get past it ☹️
Ingrid Best 3 years ago
If you need someone to talk to, I am here! I am a mother of a girl with anorexia. I am more than willing to help people fight this horrible sickness.
Alexandra Nara 3 years ago
Sometimes our brain is our worst enemy and when the body starts to join adapting its conditions you have to be a really badass to beat this system. Yet it isn't impossible
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#11
My parents don’t know I’m gay. If they found out I’d end up homeless.
Kristof De Smet 3 years ago
You might even be happier homeless, parents should love their kids, wether they are gay or not.
Monday 3 years ago
Sometimes it's better to prioritize safety over happiness though. OP can always cut their parents out when they've found their feet.
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Saara-Elina Kaukiainen 3 years ago
This is so sad. What kind of person would not love their child, no matter their sexuality or gender identity?
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
There is no hate quite like Christian love. I have been "chosen family" for so many who were kicked out as teens for being gay by their Christian families, because "it's a sin!" No, it's not, but really, if you believe that we are all made in God's image, God is gay, too. And bi. And a whole gender spectrum, no less.
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Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
It will get better, please hold on. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I'm sure that as soon as you can get out and into a safe place you will find a family that accepts you just the perfect way you are. Much love and strength to you.
Fierrochase4life 3 years ago
I tried coming out as asexual...my parents are ok with gay, but not ace. I'm too scared to try again. :(
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
I feel you. Your sexuality along with many others is valid. Hopefully you’ll be able to move out and have the stress go down a tad bit enough for you to feel better
Load More Replies... Stardust she/her 3 years ago
My parents don’t know that I am aroace. I already tried coming out to them as lesbian and it didn’t go well. I feel so stressed knowing that some way or the other they may find out and yell at me
Black Pearl 3 years ago
I think I might be asexual and nobody knows yet. I'm trying to wait until I'm completely sure, but honestly I'll probably slip up at some point before that. I think a lot of the people I know would take it well, but I also can't be completely sure.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
Same thing happened for me. There are several questions you can ask yourself to confirm if you are ace or not. When coming out try playing on the safe side by asking them wha tthey think of the lgbtq+ community and about aces. I went the risky way and came out as lesbian. I outed by my “best friend”. Thankfully my friends accepted me but my parents did not. I’m still happy though since now I believe I am aroace. You can come out whenever you feel like to those you trust more
Load More Replies... #12
That I still get cravings for methamphetamine occasionally and have to fight them or else have a relapse.
Currently finishing up my thesis in electrical engineering Masters, so it would be REALLY inconvenient to become a meth-head again.
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
It was posted on Reddit 3 years ago. Bit late, wrong website.
Load More Replies... iseefractals 3 years ago
Those never, ever go away, it helps to remember that every time you indulge, it takes a minimum of two years for your brain chemistry to normalize, and for some lucky people they'll just end up never really being able to experience happiness again.
Sasha Twin 3 years ago
Take life in 5 minute intervals. If you can make it thru 5 minutes without using, then keep going and try the next 5 minutes. Repeat. You got this.
Stephanie W 3 years ago
this is normal.... im 20 years clean and it took about year 3 to feel so called normal and not have cravings... when those cravings hit call someone you trust
Kate Ayrton 3 years ago
I am over here rooting for you too! You got this. Its hard, but you have fought this much. Just keep punching that addiction in the face. This life belongs to you, not to it. you are amazing. x
Susan Ostling 3 years ago
I get the cravings too. Clean 15 years and have a good relationship. This is you too,
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
Meth-head is not "inconvenient". Making a little light of it as a coping mechanism/fear is not going to help you cope. My best friend was a meth addict for years. I paid rent, have electricity turned back on, phone reconnected, and anything else I had to do to keep her off the street because if that happened I'd never find her and she would die. She did beat it, but she'd make remarks like that too when I knew she was having trouble. It's hard because being under such stress and the amount of work, it will help keep you awake etc. Is there anyone you can talk to? Even a helpline to call to help you through those times. You have such a life ahead of you. Please, please don't give in. My friend would put up signs all over her apartment, in her car, that if she even did it once to stay awake for something, there would be no just once. She would lose everything she had worked so hard to gain. You've worked so hard. Don't do something that will make you lose it all.
Dan Tom 3 years ago
I treat cravings like gnats. They are an annoying part of life but in and of themselves they are not harmful. The more you ruminate on them the bigger they become. I just say "of course I am" when having a craving cause it's simply a part of being an addict. Doesn't mean I have to use. They are no longer scarey. Hugs help too!
Ann Dennis 3 years ago
What Dan Tom said, and remember, you're not alone.❤️ You've come so far.
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"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place." In other words, if you feel ashamed about keeping something to yourself, that might be an indication that this is a secret worth confessing.
Everyone makes mistakes. Though the size of these stumbles might be different in every relationship. You’ll probably agree that someone forgetting to do the dishes or eating chocolates in the backyard when they should be on a diet isn’t the same as someone flirting with strangers or holding someone else’s hand.
Relationship expert Alex stressed that rebuilding trust in relationships is always challenging. Once broken, that trust doesn’t automatically reappear.
"For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."
#13
My boyfriend has no idea how expensive his Christmas present was. He loved the experience so much and it made me so happy to do it with him, but coming from a wealthy family even if he knew he wouldn't understand how much it was for me. I saved all my extra income for 5 months to be able to pay for it and get normal presents for my family, but I know he wouldn't even blink about spending that much on me on just a whim. I am glad he appreciated it even if he doesn't know what effort went towards it!
Carol Emory 3 years ago
Not that it's a bad thing. I never measure presents on a tit-for-tat situation. If I spent oodles of money on you and you got me a small gift in return, I'm ok with that. I didn't do it to get a big present in return. I once had a friend that treated me to lunch on the regular. She asked why I always ordered the smallest thing on the menu. I said "Because I'm not the one paying." That's when she turned to the waiter and said "She's having the prime rib with us" which was the most expensive thing on the menu. I enjoyed the meal, but felt guilty about it afterwards. Sometimes the best thing you can get in return is knowing that the other person really enjoyed all that you did for them.
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Al Christensen 3 years ago
My former wife measured the value of a gift not by its price but how much time, energy, sweat and mind reading went into it. Bonus points were awarded if the gift was something she didn't know she wanted and was very rare or unique. Off-the-shelf gifts were worthless. That meant I needed to be thinking about gifts for her all year long, not just as birthdays, anniversaries and holidays were approaching.
Lisa Valen 3 years ago
I'm sorry, but are you sure you're happy about the Christmas present you chose for him? You seem to be putting alot of weight on the expense of the present. You saved for 5 months for this extraordinary gift, while your family received "normal" presents. You state "even if he knew, he wouldn't understand". He "wouldn't even blink about spending that much on you on just a whim". Perhaps you should tell him how much effort went into it. You said he loved the experience and it made you happy. But I think you're feeling he should have loved it even more. Your relationship seems unbalanced. Any gift, whether it cost 10 cents or $1000 should be cherished.
LagoonaBlueColleen 3 years ago
Been in OP's shoes. I used to shower my boyfriend with gifts. Some very inexpensive. Some pricier. I spent a couple grand to go see him. He didn't always know how much I spent on him, not even how much I spent on the plane ticket. He nary spent a dime on me. Kept it a secret and tried very hard not to feel resentment. He's always been appreciative and it's always been voluntary on my side. In the last couple years I've really honed back the gifts after he indicated it was making him uncomfortable. The situation can slip into an unhealthy direction. If OP is in a new relationship she may be in that honeymoon stage where she's trying to show off how good of a gf she can be and worshipping her bf. This feeling fades and you're left with regrets of setting the bar higher than the other is willing to reach, leading to inner emotional turmoil, distrust, doubt and regrets, and she'll be on her own to figure out how to deal with all that. Her boyfriend won't have sympathies nor be responsible.
Load More Replies... #14
My family doesn’t know I walked out of my job nearly four weeks ago. I had two solid interviews that fell through afterwards and I’m still looking. I think I’ll get a call back after the job interview I had today. I’m too embarrassed to tell them because I don’t want anymore financial help from them. I’m late on rent and broke. The last time I went to my mom’s house I stole a couple rolls of toilet paper...
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago
Just wanted to add: 'Narwhal Narwhal, swimming in the ocean, causing a commotion...'
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Vasana Phong 3 years ago (edited)
Understandable not wanting help, also about not telling them you lost your job, but sometimes at this point you should tell them, only because it’ll be worse off, like if they found out too late and you were evicted, they’ll help you more financially because now it’s gonna be the security deposit and 2 months rent
Monic Krugell 3 years ago
I don't know your circumstances and relationships, just make sure that you are not isolating yourself, when you could have had the support you needed. This might have longer lasting effects on your well-being than having to suck it up and let go of that pride. If you keep your problems from your support circle then they cannot support you. Be that as it may - Best of luck and wishing you the best of responses from those interviews.
Norman Beattie 3 years ago
You should never quit your job without having another one lined up ! ( there are exception )
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
I would agree with that in this case- no reason they couldn't wait to find out if they got one of the jobs, but then again we don't necessarily know the whole story so it may come into the exception category.
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donna peluda 3 years ago
Parents have no idea how hard it is to get a living wage job. I'm lucky (m54) now I found a job when i was 30 in a niche market and the company appreciates the work I do. At the end of the 80s, 90s It was really hard to find a decent job. I worked in a TV VCR repair shop my wage (in Spain) was 58,000 pts. The rent on a small apartment was 41,000. The only option was to work in a club or labouring on a building site. I did a job interview as a PLC/pneumatic machine programmer for a important plastic bottle manufacturer, coca cola Fanta etc. The pay was less then the TV repair shop. And to add insult to injury the excuse I was given was that it would start as a training position. Two of the machines they were using I help design (I did all the programming) when I did 600 training working for free at the factory to get my credits at collage.
Sinead Kenny 3 years ago
Trust me your mum knows you stole them. As a mum I'm thinking ... 'mums always know' even when you think they don't. Be honest with her if no one else and you will find she will help you infinitely if she knows the truth. As long as your honest and as long as it's helping you achieve your end goal.... a job you will settle with, stick with and thrive 🥰 trust your mum xx
Leslie Burleson 3 years ago
Lol, one of my grandma's favorite stories was when my young father , who had a baby with her daughter in high school , tried to steal some eggs when they visited . She said he went to say goodbye and they just slipped out of his sleeve. It's one of my favorite stories
Kahna Wanna 3 years ago
Food banks dude. Google food banks in your area. They'll hook you up. Toiletries are a usual staple. The peace of mind some resources gives you is well worth it. Good Luck today!!!
#15
My depression hasn’t actually gotten any better and if anything has gotten worse. I felt so f*****g guilty any time I’d talk to one of my friends about the way I feel, and I couldn’t take it anymore. So now they all think I’m doing a lot better and I don’t know what to do with myself
Edit: I should also mention I lost my job at the start of the year and due to that no longer have money or insurance and can’t afford therapy or my prescription anymore. Thanks for all the advice and well wishes
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
I am always here for you. You can talk about your feelings to me and even though I may not have a solution I will still listen and do my best to comfort you. Same goes for all you pandas reading this
GoGoPDX 3 years ago
I am so sorry. If you are in the States, please look for a FQHC (Federal Qualified Health Clinic) They provide health care, mental health care, medications, even food and housing help at some. They bill on a sliding scale, so you will probably not even get a bill. They can also help you get state insurance.
JMC5003 3 years ago
THIS!!! Without doubt, your best resource until you're able to get social security disability (if you choose to apply). The counselors at local health departments are usually great! And free of charge or payment based on income.
Load More Replies... Debbie Barnes 3 years ago
Depression is so hard and it impacts every single area of your life. I know because I've lived with it for many years now. I would only say, look for a helpline that is free to call and just talk to someone. Depression makes you feel you like a burden, so you don't say anything. But people do care and will listen and you are stronger then depression makes you feel.
Kady LaHaie 3 years ago
Talk to someone PLEASE and be honest about whats going on. Last summer my close friend of 30 years told everyone she was happier than ever and then she shot herself.
JMC5003 3 years ago
She had made a decision and was at peace. I felt like that before I attempted suicide, but I'm so glad I was fortunate enough to have survived! It does get better!
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Emery Walters 3 years ago
There are groups on Facebook for people with depression. I'm in one; maybe we need a Bored Panda support group as well!!
Mark Fuller 3 years ago
I can relate to this. Serious suicide attempt more than twenty years ago is the only one people know about. I've lost count of the actual number (half hearted attempts because I pull myself together time and again). And the cutting. Apparently I was just a "melodramatic teenager". The fact that it remains a coping mechanism now I'm in my forties is my little secret. Don't get me wrong, I've been doing well for a few years now thankfully, but I will never take my mental health for granted. Nor will I stop the meds. And I can't promise anyone that I won't try to end it again one day. But as far as the rest of the world is concerned, I'm juuuuuuust fine than you very much.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
If you are in the USA, apply for state assistance and Social Security Disability. Severe depression is and illness recognized by Social Services. You can apply to get medical, housing and food assistance which will include mental health access. They also have programs that will help you find a job. But act now because the process can take a while. You may also be rejected by Social Security on the first attempt, but appeal the decision and most likely you will get benefits. Don't wait because waiting is the fast track to becoming homeless and the process gets much much harder after that.
JMC5003 3 years ago (edited)
Please find an experienced social security attorney to help you apply, or it's likely to take years to be approved, unless 3 doctors say you're terminally ill with an estimated 6 months to live. A good social security attorney won't charge anything up front but will take approximately 30% of the back-pay you receive from social security, nothing until you receive benefits or from your payments after that initial back-pay. Social Security will back-pay to the date your application was submitted, including requested documents. The requirements are so onerous that it's very difficult for a lay person to get through on their own.
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Kristal 3 years ago
If you live in the U.S. look at state insurance so you can get your meds and therapy. Medicaid.
JMC5003 3 years ago
In Virginia, if she is an adult, unless she has a very young child, is pregnant, or has been deemed as disabled by Social Security (good luck with that), she's probably not eligible. Some states have waiting lists. The eligibility for Medicaid expanded during the COVID emergency, but that's coming to an end now. The safety net that Americans think is in place, just doesn't exist for most people.
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Lisa Bennett 3 years ago
Looking at your local mental health place ran by either the county or sometimes churches have counseling services and since the pandemic mental health is covered I believe for anyone who qualifies.. meaning are you in need of mental health services since the pandemic I believe.. but call.. 5 years ago I lost my sweet son and I've had therapy for the first 3.5 years almost twice a week, then I moved, lost my therapist and insurance and now I'm going through my local county mental health agency because adulting is hard, life is complex and sometimes doing the best we can with the information and resources we possess just isn't enough and we need a kind and compassionate person to HEAR AND SEE us. I see you.. I'm sending you light and love and peace from my corner of the world
Sinead Kenny 3 years ago
Same as stardust she/her below my comment.... I am counsellor for mental health in UK. your welcome to message me xxx
#16
My buddy is planning on leaving his wife, mostly because he found out that his kid isn't actually his, and he suspects the one she's pregnant with isn't either.
B-b-bird 3 years ago
He needs to find himself a good lawyer and consult, before leaving her. Because if it's US (or similar law) he might end up paying child/wife support even though it's not his children.
Scotira 3 years ago
Correct. When married and not split the spouse automatically counts as father.
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
That's completely fair but if the child she is carrying is yours then I hope you help take care and support that child.
Laura Gillette 3 years ago
I hope those kids get the support they need, even if it doesn't come from him...
Mike Rhodes 3 years ago
There are a lot of organizations that help single and/or struggling mothers.
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Vinita Talaulikar 3 years ago
Do a DNA test on both before speculating if the children are his or no..
Yeah, you heard 3 years ago
I always find it really sad that some men can raise and love a child, but if they find out the kid isn't a blood relation, they can instantly stop loving it. If I found out that my kid wasn't genetically mine, I'd still love my kid just as much.
Guido Pisano 3 years ago
in italy we say "i figli sono di chi li cresce" that means that your real family is not the biological one, but the one you grow with.
Miss Ann Thrope 3 years ago
He needs to talk to a lawyer. He may be responsible for child support, for at least baby #1, even if it isn't his.
#17
I have an IUD and I just found out I am pregnant. F**k.
Monday 3 years ago
And this is why we push for abortion rights. You can be careful and still end up pregnant.
Scotira 3 years ago
@Great Mushroom God: I feel you! I've been working in a hospital for some time with an NICU. Sometimes had to take daily X-rays of those small beeings. And to be perfectly honest, broke my heart every time and for some found myself wishing they'd be allowed to move on instead of staying here an facing a life with serious disabilities and endless struggles. Just because medical treatment can keep a 6 month old underdevelloped fetus alive, does that mean it should? 😢 It's probably easy for me to say, as I have no children, but just thinking about how I had to put barely two hands full of human beeing on the X-ray detector still has the power to raise all hairs on my body. 😭
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Scotira 3 years ago
This is twofold dangerous! OP needs to see a doctor ASAP. The IUD could be incorporated in the fetus resulting in either sponanious abortion or serious disability. But even taking the IUD out can trigger a sponanious abortion, if OP wants to keep the child, the dangers need to be explained. In any case that IUD needs to come out immediately.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Came here to say this, too. I have an IUD, and part of it is "the second you think you might have gotten pregnant, you have to come in and see us" because it is dangerous.
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Ellie Rosser 3 years ago
See a doctor immediately. If you have an IUD in place and become pregnant there is a high chance it is a fallopian pregnancy which can cause fatal bleeding.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
If they remove the IUD and you need help obtaining Plan B, let us know, too.
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#18
I haven't let a photo of myself be taken in years because I gained a bunch of weight. So people that haven't seen me in years still think I'm thin. I've actually lost 23 pounds and I can't be excited and tell anyone I haven't seen in a long time because then they'll know I was fat.
Debbie Barnes 3 years ago (edited)
I think the vast majority of people put on weight, (especially during the recent lockdowns) and it's nothing to be ashamed of. If they are good people, they will applaud you for losing 23 pounds and understand how easy it was to gain, during this topsy turvy period.
Hobby Hopper 3 years ago
And, if they don't, then you know who to cut out of your life.
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DennyS (denzoren) 3 years ago
You should be excited, that's wonderful! I know what it feels like to not want to be in pictures or take pictures because of your weight. It's not a nice feeling at all.
Liana 3 years ago
Please don't throw rocks at me. Some people do not understand how hard it is to lose weight. I was 57kg/167cm when i was 20. Two kids later at 28 I can not manage to get under 70. I tried running and excercising, I tried diets, nothing seems to work. While my husband eats an elephant for dinner and he's 75kg still. Very unfair.
Disgruntled Pelican 3 years ago
Agreed. I've struggled with my weight for years (largely due to birth control issues and undiagnosed endometriosis) and every pound is a victory.
Load More Replies... Lisa Valen 3 years ago
So what? You're losing weight now. But even if you weren't, you shouldn't worry about people who haven't seen you in years. If they were friendly when you were thin, they'll still be friendly. If they're not, they're not worthy to be your friends anyway.
Katherine Forest 3 years ago
If they are your friends, they will love you no matter what. We all go through changes in life over the years, that is one of the beautiful things about it, and those people who stick with us throughout life's ups and downs end up being our closest friends. You should be proud - 23 lbs is a huge deal!
DC 3 years ago
So? My best friend was enormously fat, even needed two surgeries to get rid of excess mass (stomach ensmallment, later bypass). Nothing to be ashamed of ... and she'll last way longer now that her weight alone ain't able to kill her anymore, and has a son who is kinda cool, and ... that doesn't define who you are in the first place. But, congrats to the 23!
Christina B 3 years ago (edited)
Who cares if you gained weight? We ALL do! You're a good person and a good friend and if they are the same, none of that matters at all - everyone would just be happy for your own excitement... You can't live your life locked away or avoid people because of what you think other people 'might' think and if others think negatively they are not worth being around. Just be happy and confident with yourself - I'm rooting for you to overcome this, we've all been there...
#19
That, even though I'm still quite young, I've been in two pretty abusive relationships. I love my current boyfriend more than words can describe and I'm so lucky to have him but I sometimes catch myself falling back into old habits when I'm around him (apologizing way too much for even the smallest things, frequently asking if he's okay, not eating properly for days because I have phases in which I just feel ugly, flinching when he touches me unexpectedly etc.). I will tell him eventually because he deserves to know but I'm just not ready yet and I want to work on myself first so I'm not too much of a burden to him.
JJ 3 years ago
It took me years to tell my now-husband about everything that happened to me (abusive, violent family and boy"friends"). I was ashamed, felt extremely guilty and thought he'd run away, if he knew about all that disgusting stuff. He didn't run away. He comforted me, understood and reassured me that it was not my fault at all and that I am worth being loved. This man showed me that there's nothing wrong with me, that I am a good, lovable person and that all those who hurt me were the a$$holes in the first place. So if you feel that this boyfriend is good for you, don't be afraid. And if things change after you told him, he's probably not the right one anyways.
Missy 3 years ago
Can I have one of those too, please? :) I'm happy for you!!
Load More Replies... That'sEndorable 3 years ago (edited)
I've been that guy. Tell him soon. If he loves you, dealing with these little things you do will be a burden he will gladly bear... and can deepen his love for you. Lovers are happy to bear each others' burdens. But if you don't tell him, you will treat him in ways that he doesn't understand, and that will hurt him. You will build ways of interacting with each other that echo the hurt and he won't know why. And most fundamentally, you are limiting how much he can love you and support you. Feeling that you don't want to be a burden is like allowing the past boyfriends to continue to abuse you. You are not a nuissance; don't allow past boyfriends to make you feel like one.
Sareaesque 3 years ago
My partner and I were both still recovering from abusive relationships when we met, and we went into our relationship fully transparent about our histories because we were best friends before anything else. We were able to understand each other, and neither of us felt any need to fix the other person but instead bought a tonne of love and support for each other. We're both much happier and healthier than we ever were in the past, and we wouldn't have that if we weren't honest with each other from the start. Relationships are a partnership, you both have your own path to walk, but to keep that partnership healthy there needs to be communication and support.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
My bf used to be a victim, then was alone for a long time. When we met at first my love was super alien to him and he didn't know how to take it, it's still difficult sometimes two years later but he's getting better.
Lisa Valen 3 years ago
You might find, if you confide in him, that it will be easier to work on yourself. I don't know how long you've been dating him, but if you've not "been a burden" so far, I doubt telling the truth will make it so. If you love him "more than words can describe", he deserves to know you. All of you. He may well turn into your biggest cheerleader.
Al Christensen 3 years ago
It took a while for my then-wife to open up about the physical and emotional abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother. Learning about it explained so much of her suspicious, anxious, hyper-vigilant, overachieving behavior. Combine that with my need for validation and we were a bad combination. If we had been more open about our baggage while dating we wouldn't have married. We lasted only five years.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
If he's a good boyfriend, he will understand. He will also help you through it. When I told my husband about the abuse I suffered, it allowed him to open up to me about the horrors of watching his father beat his mother in front of him. We both helped each other through the mental aspect of feeling guilty about what happened to us. Good luck to you.
#20
I haven't been able to feel genuine happiness for about half a year now, only stress, sadness and anger. It's driving me crazy.
Cactus McCoy 3 years ago
These are signs of serious depression. If anybody reading this feels the same, get help now.
Scarlett 3 years ago
Is that the same reason I can’t get excited about anything any more, even when I should be and want to be?
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Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This is a global situation at this point. Look at our world. We had a massive pandemic, and a huge chunk of our population revealed themselves to be inhumanely selfish and stupid. America has had a rash of openly criminal politicians who have not been held truly accountable. Women in America are being told we have zero value except as men's jizz-dumpsters. The media hammers us constantly with all of the horrible things happening, and it's been relentless. Thee last 6 years have been BRUTAL. Most of us are depressed, anxious, sad, broken, and hopeless. We need larger-scale solutions, because there aren't enough available therapists in the world.
Odiet Amo 3 years ago
Agree...i think that most of therapists are depressed as well
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Lisa Valen 3 years ago
Reach out. There are hotlines available; and they can refer you to services that can help you with your depression. Call today.
Nicole Blomkamp 3 years ago
Takes a bit of trial and error but the right meds and loving therapist doctor family and friends really helped me x
Phendrena 3 years ago
This was posted TWO years ago on Reddit. User was subjected to three months of physical violence and developed PTSD. They had also been trying to get diagnosed with Asperger's for three years, but did finally get a positive diagnosis. User is still active on Reddit.
Cactus McCoy 3 years ago
My reply was meant for everyone feeling like this, not only the OOP.
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#21
I have a bad case of intrusive thoughts.
DennyS (denzoren) 3 years ago (edited)
Tell me about it, you and me both. Never easy to deal with on a daily basis.
Birgit M 3 years ago
Same here. I can somehow deal with my other issues but these thoughts are the worst!
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Koi Dragon 3 years ago
You might already know this, but intrusive thoughts are a form of OCD. Many people have weird thoughts and just let it go. With OCD you can't. The thought is so vile and alarming to you that you keep ruminating about it. The shock, rumination, and guilt make you feel like you're a bad person, but you are not! The fact that you're so horrified by the thought is a good indicator that you would never act out on the thought. Please see a psychiatrist and a therapist. They've seen it all before. You don't have to suffer alone. You can get better. Good luck to you.
Disgruntled Pelican 3 years ago
I'm actually crying right now because I've been having TERRIBLE intrusive thoughts lately to the point that I can't sleep and everything you wrote just hit so hard. Thank you.
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Gigi 3 years ago
a typical case of panic and obsessive compulsive disorder. I spent half my life tormented, then got a proper medicine for it, and I have forgotten that period ever since. it is hard to believe that it is caused by a physical symptom - an inadequate level of serotonin - and should be treated in the same way as diabetes with a life-long medicine. when I started these symptoms I wasn't really familiar with this symptom group and there were no proper medications, but in fact the normal way of setting up any such "thoughts" that contradicted our will disappear without a trace. what’s more important to know is that most of the people around us struggle with this problem, we’re not UFOs, and also that people who really do bad things never struggle with their thoughts and don’t torment their consciences!
Black Pearl 3 years ago
Same. The kind of things that just pop into my head randomly are getting to be concerning.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
Mine usually happen at night when I'm trying to sleep. "Is it time for bed? Then let's go over all the mistakes you made in the past 30 years...."
Kady LaHaie 3 years ago
I had this and it almost killed me until I discovered mindfulness and meditation. Your thoughts are not you. You don't have to control them.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This is so common. I wish more of us know how common this is. It is absolutely normal and human to have a weird or effed up thought pop into your head. It's when it starts affecting your ability to live a healthy life (see the poster who mentioned OCD) that you should be concerned.
#22
I'm soon to be homeless.
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
It was posted on Reddit 2 years ago. They won't see this.
Load More Replies... Lisa Valen 3 years ago
Don't let the fear of becoming homeless rule you. I am homeless. It's not great, I never thought I'd be living like this. But the fear of it was worse than the reality. There are resources to help you. It's not a life sentence, so don't make it one. Be strong, stay positive and believe it's only temporary.
M Calad 3 years ago
🤍🤎💜💙💚💛🧡❤ powerful message. May you be well, stay strong and become "homeless-less" soon. Hug from me.
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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 3 years ago
You're not alone. Take it easy, fellow Panda
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Kathy Flavin 3 years ago
Let us help you! Can we all reach out to local shelters or send you $ via cashapp?
#23
I'm trans & I'm starting HRT on Jan 2.
No one knows this yet but my husband & 3 of my close friends.
My family is near 100% unlikely to be cool about this and I was looking forward to having one last birthday/Christmas with them where they didn't know/reject me yet, but I got a virus on my birthday and now I'm way too sick to get on a plane.
So essentially my last Christmas with a family that loves me got straight up cancelled. I'm super bummed, but way too sick & tired to have a nervous breakdown about it, so I've got that going for me at least.
Narwhal Blast 3 years ago
You have a husband and 3 close friends. That is a big, loving family already there for you!
Mad Dragon 3 years ago
My son's former family turned their back on him when he came out as trans, so he's our son now. Your family is out there, it doesn't have to be only people who share your DNA.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
I never understood the concept of loving your child as long as they're living the life YOU think they should be living, then discarding them when it turns out they're not exactly like you. My daughter couldn't possibly lose my love by doing what makes her happy. Being happy is literally my only goal for her, and that means she's doing what makes HER happy, not what might make ME happy.
RandomFrog 3 years ago
I feel the struggle. I was going by a different name and he/they pronouns at school, becuase I was closeted trans. Anyways my mom got a job at the school and found out from one of my teachers what id been doing, so she confronted me and bassically told me everything ik about the trans community is bs and that I’m too young to know if I’m trans (which is the real bs there are many studies that show gender DYSPHORIA appear at my age) so I told her I’d stop and stuff, and that I’m not trans hahah. Anyways I’m also bisexual but they support that, but the rest of my family doesn’t, they are very Christian. I plan on getting a job next year to start saving for top surgery and hopefully when I turn 18 I will come out to everyone about everything.
Pumpkin Spice 3 years ago
Tell them that the Covid vaccine turned you into (insert true gender here)
donna peluda 3 years ago
Family is overrated. I can't remember a family get together with out someone blowing up, normally my mother, insulting everybody in drunken rage. One of my sister doesn't even have to get drunk to be nasty passive aggressive. I envy my friends that have family's that support each other no matter what. If your family doesn't except you for who you really are there not you family anymore.
Emery Walters 3 years ago
Welcome to the 'family'! Some people will surprise you; but 'make haste slowly'. It will all be brand new to them. Probably. Best of luck.
Pink_Boba22 3 years ago
You don't need to be related to be family. Your friends and husband have got your back.
Nickie Chan 3 years ago
F**k them. You got your husband and 3 buddies + all the pandas here with you.
#24
I suspect that my conversations with a friend is being sent to my ex, who is trying to bring me down, and I’ve started to spread false information to that “friend“ to truly see if my text messages is being leaked
Barbara Vandewalle 3 years ago
She is not a friend. When you have proof get rid of her. Make copies of your email , you will need the evidence or it will become a 'he said, she said'.
#25
I threw away the onion powder in our spice cabinet because I hate onion powder. My husband asked me "Where's the onion powder?" I told him it's here somewhere.
chaotic_charlie (they/he) 3 years ago
pack your bags, get a fake id, move to spain. YOU MUST NEVER REVEAL THE ONION POWDER PLOT
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Curious what he would say if you just said "I really hate onion powder" to your partner?
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
Right... ppl are thinking it is simply funny BUT I viewed it as sad that you cannot communicate something so basic to your HUSBAND, of all ppl. You live in the same house and will basically forever more. Guess it funny when it comes out with them, but also will probably be baffling for the husband that just never knew.
Load More Replies... Rick Hoppenbrouwer 3 years ago
You throw it away because YOU don't like it. Sooooo considerate you are.
Featherytoad 3 years ago
So don't use it if you hate it so much and tell your husband. If you can't communicate something that simple, your marriage is going to be in trouble. What is the big deal in keeping it if your husband likes it? He can use it for himself. I'm sure your husband doesn't like seeing all your toiletries cluttering up the bathroom but he doesn't throw them out. I don't know why this made me so angry. I guess just because of the selfishness of it all.
#26
I'm bisexual. Nothing bad will happen if I say, but I don't want to risk that either. My mom would probably tell me just to grow out of it. (I'm 26)
I also live with a "second" family and the "mom" has expressed that bisexuals just need to "make up their minds because you can't be attracted to both, that's just stupid"
That was fun to sit through....
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
Bisexuals are valid along with pans and other sexualities. It doesn’t matter what you identify as, your sexuality (or lack of) is valid
LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen 3 years ago
Is it weird that I don’t understand bisexual. But I don’t understand a lot of things so I try to learn. Love is love and if you love many, types and flavors, that’s ok. Consenting adults is the only important thing.
Zero 3 years ago
Most non-bi people don't. We can empathize or accept various aspects as we learn, but not really understand.
Load More Replies... Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
If I hear one more lesbian tell a bi woman that she is "performing heteronormativity" and exclude them from queer spaces, I swear, even though I'm the straightest straight ever, I will put together the most f*****g fabulous "if gender is a spectrum, bisexuals do not just hover at the 50/50 mark" sign and march at Pride.
RandomFrog 3 years ago
GODDAMIT c**p like this makes me so angry. As a fellow bisexual I don’t have to make up my mind.
#27
My high school best friend was gay, and sleeping with a man that was 15 years older, had a wife and four kids, and was in the leadership of the local church for most of high school and awhile after.
Queen Boudicca 3 years ago
I hope your friend is okay. It sounds as though the older person was taking advantage of your friend.
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
It was posted 3 years ago on Reddit. You're talking to no-one. They won't see it.
Load More Replies... Kate Jones 3 years ago
I understand being closeted, especially in certain parts of the country where being gay is practically a death sentence. And I feel bad for anyone going through that. But one thing I don't get, and you see it happen a lot, are guys who are closeted and then actively seek out situations that are going to make it 10x worse if you're found out. Like these politicians who are super vocal about hating gays but then you catch them at a gay orgy or something. If they just hadn't been *so* vitriolic about gay rights, it wouldn't have been so bad for them. It's not hard to avoid these situations. A lot of gay people are also religious so...yeah, you can go to church. You should probably not become a deacon or do something that is going to look really bad if you get caught. Don't be a hypocrite, or take advantage of someone else, or get married and lie to your family, or become a priest and then decide to get in the dating game.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
Being a gay shouldn't even really restrict you from being a deacon, but I guess it depends on your denomination. In at least two major denominations in Australia I know of leaders (ministers and the equivalent) who are gay and accepted as such.
Load More Replies... Chich 3 years ago
Starting to think that in order to be in the leadership of a church you have to be an abusive d**k.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
I can count the ones who weren't on... two fingers. Everyone else was a hypocritical, selfish, stupid shitshow.
Load More Replies... Shane S 3 years ago
Religion, man. His sexuality is 100% his business but I hope his wife and kids are ok. You never know, they might have some sort of arrangement between them but I kind of doubt that. I wish everyone felt safe enough to always be their true selves and love who they love. It’s not fair to an unsuspecting spouse and children to drag them along as a person deals with societal pressure.
Randy Klefbeck 3 years ago
Funny how that seems to happen to ultra religious people. The repression seems to find a way to work its way into really chaotic, toxic, alliances. I am talking about the man with a wife and four kids who is essentially preying on the younger person. No one really likes a hypocrite who lies to everyone.
#28
I just graduated from college and now I’m really depressed. I’m supposed to be looking for a job right now but all I want to do is sleep.
Schnee Wittchen 3 years ago
Go get yourself some help. Talk to people you love, even if it is only online, talk about your feelings and let it out. Do NOT hide in your bed, that is incredibly dangerous! All my love to you, stay strong!
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
It was posted on Reddit 3 years ago. You're on the wrong site and you're a bit late.
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Anna Lessens 3 years ago
It's the crushing truth of adult life...isn't it. We've all been there, right everyone.
Tigerpacingthecage 3 years ago
I know that feeling. It's scary. You graduate and all of a sudden you are supposed to get a "real job" even though you feel like some imposter and not ready. Like...you are no way near ready. It can totally bring you down. Try small steps, send out some applications and try to believe that it doesn't matter if you get the job or not - anything to remove a bit of pressure.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Co-signing. You just completed a HUGE milestone. That has a psychological effect, and it's actually pretty common. Your school may have some resources, too, so that you can see a few accessible options for making this transition to the next phase of your life. But also, CONGRATS.
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Robyn Denton 3 years ago
Please get professional help. This sounds exactly like depression, which is a very real illness (not simply "feeling sad".) Anyone who has ever had depression will know just how difficult it can be to get out of bed in the morning.
somnomania 3 years ago
it's unfortunate that we live in a world where you basically HAVE to get a job straight out of college, because ideally you'd be able to take that time to recover.
Scotira 3 years ago
What you feel right now is completly normal! Most people know the "midlife crisis". But most don't know the "quarterlife crisis" which usually manifests right after the end of the education/ college. The feeling of: Is this it? Will I have to do this for the rest of my life? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? etc. That said, even though it's normal, this still needs treatment. Talk to someone you trust, if you have these feelings (good friends, family). In some cases there might be need for a therapist. You are not alone in this!
Nancy Munoz 3 years ago
it doesn't help you financially, but if you do volunteer job, it keeps you busy without the attachments of being an employee, by doing something you like.
#29
My friends all think that I'm a virgin but a few months ago I got Grindr because I thought I was bisexual and thought that it couldn't hurt just to check things out.
Anyway, end of Feburary or beginning of March I met up with a guy and did the things that people do when they meet on an app specifically designed for hooking up, this went on for about 2-3 weeks until I felt slutty and ashamed, deleted the app, and never told anyone about it.
It's been a few months and I found out that most all of my close friends have had sex except for one (who is currently in a relationship) which means that, two everyone else, we are the only two virgins. The thing that sucks about this is that my friends keep making virgin jokes, such as me becoming a 40 year old virgin. This sucks not only because name calling is shit but because I pride myself on being a very honest person and having to constantly lie to them makes me feel like I'm betraying them.
It's sort of been eating me up inside and but in the end I would rather be seen as the last virgin in the group than as the only gay guy, probably because I'm pretty much 90% straight.
If this reads like shit it's because it's a sensitive subject for me and I wrote it at 12:30 in the morning and I have had a pretty long day.
Lucas 3 years ago (edited)
Shame people see it as anyone else's business. I think I would say 'hah, don't assume, we all have secrets' and then tell them nothing else. Work on becoming inscrutable. Though if your friends are going to judge you for, what sounds like most likely being bi, (and being shi-tty name callers) you might want to look elsewhere for friendship. Though easy for a random person on the internet to say, I know. Though I did realise I had poor friends who were not there for me. I did start again, it is possible.
IDK_Something 3 years ago
Well said, Lucas! A true shame people find other people's sexualities to be there business, in the end, it's not. Regardless, someone will judge you (often wrongly), but there will *always* be people in your corner! If they aren't, they aren't truly friends OR family!!
Load More Replies... Black Pearl 3 years ago
I hate jokes about people's sex lives. Some of my friends do it and I desperately want to tell them I'm not at all interested in sex ever and would appreciate the jokes stopping, but also In worried about how they'll react.
Anna Lessens 3 years ago
You don't have to answer questions on your sexual history to ANYONE. Let them figure it out
El Dee 3 years ago
It's easy for me to say but if the people you call friends won't accept who you are then you need new friends. Sometimes just realising that could be enough. And don't worry so much about being gay or straight, it'll work out, remember it's not the most important thing about you..
Dispatcherqueen 3 years ago
You be you, and what you want to keep private, keep private, and what you want to share, share. The most important thing is to be true to yourself, and those that truly care about you will support you, regardless.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Sexuality is a process, too. You need time to figure out who you are and what you like and want. You don't have to have all of the answers right now.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Friends shouldn't make these types of jokes at one another's expense. It sounds like your friends need to grow up. Whether or not you've had sex is one of the least important things about you. Nor does it define you.
Lisa Valen 3 years ago
You're not lying and it's really none of their business. It's solely your decision to tell them or not.
#30
My wife and I have been very rocky lately. We are trying to recover from a separation.
Anyway, she told me a few weeks ago about a story where when her Grandfather passed, her Grandmother took the grandkids on a vacation to Disney world. My wife bought a watch with Mickey on it and even showed me what it looked like online.
My wife was very close with her Grandfather and connected the watch with him.
My wife had a Strawberry Shortcake jewlery box she kept the watch in. And one day she forgot to put I back, and the watch was lost. She never found it.
Well I found the watch online and a wooden jewlery box. I had the box engraved with a picture of Strawberry Shortcake and a saying from her Grandfather. And inside is the watch.
Literally, 30-something years later she gets the watch back. I truly hope she loves it.
Edit: For clarification purposes, my wife and I are both females and we live in USA.
I wanted to thank every single person who commented on this post and glorified me with internet karma! I am trying to be patient and not give her the gift, but I have been holding on to it for at least 3 weeks now. The one bonus of having an apartment from the separation is a prime place to hide presents! I will definitely give an update after she opens it.
Also, bonus to the story: My wife truly believes and supports local businesses, so I made it a point to try and find local places for as many of the parts and pieces as I could for this gift. I went to the local Irish store and told the woman I am looking for a jewelry box to hopefully hold a watch. The lady told me about how she recently received some small wooden boxes from another store that closed. She thought she was getting 5 little boxes, but she receives 5 palettes of little boxes. The shop owner told me "I was blessed with the boxes and now you are blessed, too" and she gave it to me for free. I can't wait to tell that part of the story, too!
Stephanie A Mutti 3 years ago
Just give it to her. Why are you holding on to it? Regardless of whether you stay together or not, you got it to please her. Make someone smile.
IDK_Something 3 years ago
From OP: OP here! I gave my wife her gift and I got a smile and a thank you at first. Once she actually looked through everything and I told her the story of the local store is when she teared up. She told her sister and the neighbor right away. She was beaming when she got back! I do see her look at and touch the box with a smile. I know she won't use the watch, but it's nice to know it is appreciated. 10/10 would do again
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Stephanie Wittenberg 3 years ago
That is the sweetest, most thoughtful, and personal gift I have ever heard of! Give it to her! I'm tearing up here.
#31
Rachel and Mark are hooking up and nobody else in the department knows except me.
Edit: This isn't a reference to a television show.
Monic Krugell 3 years ago
That's Mark and Rachel's secret, just forget you knew anything. (Unless you need some blackmail material)
Xottel 3 years ago
I am against blackmailing. But I'd sure have some fun with them. A greeting card for their anniversary. Calling them PB and Jay. Circle the days they meet in a calendar. "I hat being assessed. I always get bad marks. I never had a good mark. What about you? What was your best mark?" and a 'guess who's pregnant' post-it note from time to time.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Put that in a screenplay, but don't do it IRL!
Load More Replies... Lisa Valen 3 years ago
It's really the business of no one but Rachel and Mark. Leave it that way.
#32
I went on a girls trip last summer with my best friend, and she cheated on her boyfriend. She immediately regretted it and is still with her boyfriend but I've never told anyone.
Emerald Joanna 3 years ago (edited)
I personally think relationships are complex & we cannot judge why a person might be unfaithful. Nor should we take it upon ourselves to be the moral judge & "come clean" to someone elses partner. You aren't going to be the one dealing with the consequences of those actions - the people in the relationship are (well, you could lose a friend...)
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
I agree relationships are complex but cheating is a dog act. I admit I am very judgemental when it comes to cheating. No excuses.
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Sasha Twin 3 years ago
Dont say anything. First, its not your place. Second, you will end up looking like the bad guy.
Vasana Phong 3 years ago
I never get into someone’s domestic’s, you do that and then they get back together, you know what I mean
Carol Emory 3 years ago
Personally, I've never been tolerant of cheaters...but in this case...keep it to yourself. If this happens again, then I might say something if I were you. Most likely, I would encourage you to tell your friend to fess up to the boyfriend. It would be better coming from her than from you.
Dre Mosley 3 years ago
Stuff like that probably happens a lot on these "Girls Trips." They're no better than the guys.
#33
That I was a kleptomaniac. Sometimes I still feel the urge to steal something but now I can stop myself.
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
It was posted on Reddit 2 years ago. You're talking to no-one.
Load More Replies... Elizabeth N. 3 years ago
The important thing is that you are resisting the urge. I applaud you for finding the strength to do that.
iLikePiedras 3 years ago
I was too in middle school/ highschool. Would steal drugstore makeup and told my parents my friend gave me stuff she didn't want anymore. I am in my mid 30's now ...mostly have this under control, but occasionally (rarely though) am unable to overcome this and will "forget" about a facecream in my cart at the self check out
#34
I don’t feel an emotional connection to any of my friends or family.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
Same here. I just don’t feel any kind of bond between my family or my friends. I have a feeling that I would bee totally numb if anything happened to them and I don’t want that
PurpleUnicorn 3 years ago
I've always felt like that, even about my husband and kids.
Load More Replies... Nancy Munoz 3 years ago
same here..... weird feeling.... I guess, deep inside I feel like everyone will be gone at some point, so ..... kinda prepping for that loss I guess.
Jon Steensen 3 years ago
could be, or it could be someone who is really depressed and cannot connect with anything or anybody. It could also be that the person grew up in a really shitty family, who does not really know how to love, and hence has given him/her nothing but bad experiences with relationships. It could be that the familymembers are not worth connecting with emotionally, and now he/she establishes similar relationships to suposedly friends because that is the what he/she thinks a relationship looks like. Putting on a diagnosis based on so little information is something you should be really careful doing. We basically don't know what is going on.
Load More Replies... somnomania 3 years ago
this can be a sign of depression, you should speak to a doctor about it.
Wang Zhuang 3 years ago
I can relate to an extent. My family hasn't been close for years, and I feel really bad about it, actually :-(
#35
I've found out my sister has had a baby and not told anyone in my family, she doesn't know I found out.
Monday 3 years ago
I'm curious whether this is a case of "my sister had a baby and gave it up for adoption" or "my sister had and is raising a secret baby", since the implications are quite different.
Lucas 3 years ago
Agreed. If i was to guess i would say the former, as 'had a baby' and not 'has a secret baby' but it is only a guess and the language used isn't exactly clear.
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#36
My girlfriend of three years just broke up with me right after Thanksgiving. My parents expected her to come visit for the holidays but I told them that she is spending Christmas with her family this year.
Monic Krugell 3 years ago
I hope that you can soon feel comfortable enough to this sad news with your support system.
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
Well it's been 2 years since they posted it on Reddit. So maybe they did. Learn how the site gets its content and stop wasting your time.
Load More Replies... Zero 3 years ago
Me, I'd wait until after the holidays. If I said something before, family would spend the whole time checking that I'm ok, trying to talk to me about it, and generally bringing it up over and over. No, I just want to have a good time with the 3 Fs ... family, friends, and food.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This is solid reasoning. OP needs to do what's going to make them feel best and process things, but there is nothing wrong with just going "I want a happy time with my family for the holidays, and we'll deal with the sad news later."
Load More Replies... Phendrena 3 years ago
Two year old post on Reddit. The excerpt above is missing the following extra text : "I don’t have the heart to talk about it to anyone in my family, it’s been a tough few weeks for me. Edit: I really appreciate the kind words, advice, and thoughts! It’s really nice to hear some support in my time of grief. Much love to everyone and happy holidays!"
#37
That despite being really really happy and satisfied in my current relationship, I still have feelings for my ex. The worst part is that my current GF is really awesome and I love spending time with her but I’m scared that my feelings for my ex are keeping me from fully committing.
Kim Kermes 3 years ago
If you didn't have any feelings for your ex, you'd be a bit of a monster. You thought well enough of them to be with them. That is in the past.
Steven Carter 3 years ago
I know how you feel, I moved my whole life to another county to be with my now ex. She broke up with me 18 months ago and I'm now with someone new and today 31/5/22 is our 1 year anniversary, but there's not a day go by when I don't think about her. I hope things work out for you
I don't like avocado 3 years ago
I'm saying this with good intentions. Your partner deserves better. You're leading her on for your own benefit. You did something incredibly irresponsible and got into another relationship when you knew you still had feelings for your ex. You're trying to avoid confronting this issue and it's not okay to use another person to do that. Because right now she thinks you love her and no one else. And the longer she thinks that, the worse it'll hurt when it comes to light. She doesn't deserve your emotional pain from an ex passed onto her. And you deserve closure, and to work on yourself before you work on a relationship. Because you can't fully commit and you can't be at peace internally until you've fixed whatever issues you have with your ex.I know it's not any of my business. But we're all perfect strangers here and even if you don't want my advice, I had to share it.
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Snowfoxrox 3 years ago
If you are in a relationship and have *any* romantic feelings for *anyone* else, you are not ready to be in that relationship and need to do you both a favor and walk away before you hurt them.
AnonymousApple 3 years ago
I'm very happily married to a man, but in the eleven years since we dated, I've never *quite* managed to stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend. She was an awesome human, and I was in a bad place when we dated. I can't help wondering where we'd be now if my fear hadn't gotten the better of me.
I don't like avocado 3 years ago
I can't help but wonder, which one of you is gay tho
Load More Replies... somnomania 3 years ago
you can love more than one person in that way. i love my current (10+ years, long distance) gf, but i'm not IN love; what little i have of those feelings, i still have for my ex, i think.
Islandchild 3 years ago
I still love the man I dated for many many years. We split because it became apparent we wanted different things in life that were wholly incompatible. In no way has it stopped me from loving and marrying my husband. My husband is aware that I care deeply for my ex and he's fine with that my ex and I are still good friends. You can love more than one person. You love different people differently.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
I have the same with my boyfriend and ex, OP. I believe you can love more people romantically at once, and that it's nothing to be ashamed about. As long as you're certain you're with the right person.
#38
That I’m in love with my best friend.
Danielle Lee 3 years ago
I was too but he passed away suddenly and I never got the chance to tell him
ᶜʰᵃᵒᵗⁱᶜ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ 3 years ago
🐶♥️ idk what to say but there's a puppy that loves u
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Monic Krugell 3 years ago
OUCH, I am sorry. If it is any consolation - I married my best friend 10 years after high school
Blue 3 years ago
UPDATE: Not a bigge, but she came (along with her mom) to my home a couple of days ago
Load More Replies... Anna Lessens 3 years ago
Here's what you do: watch every romcom you can find...and do the exact opposite ...then tell them how you feel. Rip that bandage
Frank Miller 3 years ago
Slippery slope, but that's what makes life worth living. Shoot your shot...
NoDak Pirate 3 years ago
I'm married to my best friend. 25 yrs in 3 months. We've been friends since the 7th grade. It doesn't always work out but when it does it's great!
#39
That I’ve been hallucinating, I don’t really know why I’ve talked to some people over the internet about it and they said it could be because of my anti-depressants but it started before I started taking it. If it is my meds I don’t want to be taken off of them since hallucinations are a sign of overdose. I have an IEP in school and will be starting college soon something that my family is worried about the idea of me going to college. The hallucinations are getting worse and I’m afraid that if I tell a therapist they’ll tell my family. It’s one of my biggest fears is losing touch with reality. The reason I take a high dose of antidepressants is that my depression was getting worse and the doctor recommended it. I just want to go back to normal.
Kim Kermes 3 years ago
If you're over 18, in the US, the doctor CAN NOT tell your family. There are many antidepressants and combinations, and it takes time to get them adjusted for you. Your age makes it a little more complicated because of hormones. Please, please get medical supervision. You should also be in some kind of therapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy. It helps! Lower division courses in community college, especially first year, are mostly completely transferable to 4 year colleges. Take care of yourself first. If your parents are concerned about too much stress, going to school will give you structure and feelings of mastery, which is crucial. Be kind to yourself, put your needs and goals first. This is your life, and we only get one. I'm pulling for you. Also look into the availability of a certified peer support specialist. I'll let you look that up.
Royal Stray 3 years ago
Even if you're not over 18 the doctor can't tell your parents in most places in Europe either. It's only if your a very young child they might have to
Load More Replies... Lizzy Crit 3 years ago
You could have schizophrenia and need different meds. It runs in my step family. Usually presents itself in late teens to early 20s. Scary diagnosis but it can be managed these days. But the doctor can't treat it if they don't know about it
Scotira 3 years ago
MEDICAL CONFIDENTIALITY! No physician, therapist and/ or other medical personnel is allowed to talk about your condition to anyone (except each other). No parent/ family has any right to know anything about your medical problems (exception: underage children up to 16 years, where I live) Go talk to your therapist!! And for goodness' sake get a CAT scan done! Hallucinations are a serious medical condition that can come from a mutitude of somatic origins.
Leela Goldberg 3 years ago
Mom of a kid very similar to you. You are at THE age when certain mental illnesses present themselves. Your symptoms, as you've described, are very indicative of one specific illness, and I know it can be treated successfully with medication. Please don't hesitate to talk to a doctor, preferably one who is familiar with mental illness. There is no reason for you to suffer, especially if it can be treated with a simple daily pill. Don't wait. If it *is* that illness, it won't get better by itself. You have to help. Sending you warm hugs. Your family only wants the best for you.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
First, your therapist can't tell your family unless you let them. Second, you may want to get a second opinion. Depression can also be a sign of Schizophrenia which could also explain the hallucinations. That is a whole different set of medication that you would need to get it under control. I would also suggest that, if they haven't already done so, get an MRI to make sure this isn't a tumor or brain cancer. The first sign that my neighbor had brain cancer was hallucinations. He tried to ignore them, kept it to himself. Unfortunately, by the time they found out what was happening it was too late to do anything about it.
RoseTheMad 3 years ago
Please, get help. If you get help, you can prove to your family that going to college will be Okay. I know what its like to be depressed and to hallucinate and all that awful s**t, but it can be helped with the right medication. I promise. Plus, I don't know what country you are in, but here in the UK, patients have the right to confidentiality.
Mirt 3 years ago
Probably not related to meds if you started having visual hallucinations prior. Definitely tell your doctor because antidepressants won't help to relieve that symptom. Plus, auditory and/or visual hallucinations can be symptoms of Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective disorder. There are meds that work well for those symptoms but definitely tell your doctor.
ThumbsUpGuy 3 years ago
it may be time to back off on the amounts... or even to change doctors to try something else... don't drive or operate heavy equipment if you are really delusional
Megan Curl 3 years ago
Please talk to someone about this before you have a mental health emergency and end up hospitalized! You REALLY don’t want that.
#40
I have an chronic illness and I'm making myself worse by staying in the workforce. It will not get better. But I get so much of my identity from my career that I just can't leave it yet. I have a lot of self judgment, which I would hold against absolutely no one else.
Lizzy Crit 3 years ago
Switched careers due to health reasons 4 years ago. Took 2 years to come to terms with the loss of identity. Framing it as retired instead of former in my mind helps. I don't mind what I do now but I won't miss it when I'm gone. It's just a paycheck and that's okay. I'm learning to find fulfillment elsewhere.
Caitlin Imelda Sloan 3 years ago
I understand that entirely, before I had to stop working due to my chorionic illness, I thought I'd feel like I lost part of my identity, part of myself. But in the end when my health essentially forced me to stop working I felt much better overall, because I had kept working when I wasn't really up to it any more.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
I relate to this so much. I was always a studies and career driven person, that took care of animals, had a very physical job and loved hiking and gardening. My illneses destroyed that, killed the person I was. I am nobody now, just a ill woman who in a good day can walk 15m without pain. I doubt that I will ever feel worthy again.
Channon Doughty 3 years ago
I am sorry you feel this way. I still feel it sometimes, too. Bit has helped me to learn that in some parts of the world, no one is defined by their job. They are just people!
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Patti Vance 3 years ago
oh, please leave the work force. check out if you are eligible for social security or early retirement from your work. i had the same feeling when my chronic illness forced me to leave and i mourned my work for five years. i couldn't even think of the word disabled and have it apply to me. i did more damage to myself by staying so long. you will feel better physically and mentally itwill be hard but so much better in the long run. there is more to life than putting on a brave face, pounding out another week of work, spend all weekend in bed then just get up to do it all over again.
somnomania 3 years ago
i hope you are able to detach from your career before your body completely fails you. i'm in the same boat, except i was never able to work enough to actually have a "career". i'm 34 and can't work, and won't ever be able to except for extremely specific circumstances. i miss working.
Valerie G. 3 years ago
I too had a chronic illness and found that I only felt really well for about 4 hours a day and decided that I would be damned if I was going to spend those 4 hours at an office instead of at the cat shelter where I did my volunteer work.
Haley Sterne 3 years ago
I spent all my childhood determined to be a firefighter. It was a huge part of my identity. I started having chronic pain when I was 16 and it quickly became obvious that it was impossible to be a firefighter, as physical activity and stress exponentially increased the pain I had. It took me until about age 28 to finally start healing from that loss and to find something I wanted to be. It took until about 32 to actively start dreaming of the future again.
#iwriteitall 3 years ago (edited)
I was exactly the same infact I was a workaholic I loved work and my whole self image my whole identity was my job until in the end my consultant said he wouldn't put me forward for new treatment unless I gave up work, I still fought him for 12 months before I finally gave in but by then I had started having to abuse my medication to be able to work which has resulted in an opiod addiction which has rotted my teeth and insides making my chronic illness worse, don't let pride rule over you, you could be making yourself alot sicker by doing what your doing!!! If you need to give up work then that's what you must do because without your health you've got absolutely nothing
Channon Doughty 3 years ago
I get it. Believe me. But you can't keep harming yourself! You WILL find a new version of yourself, once you grieve what you've lost.
#41
That I’m SO lonely after moving to a new city for a girlfriend who broke up me 2 weeks ago. Gotta put on that brave face.
Toni HA 3 years ago
Try volunteering. Great way to meet people and your new community! You will be fulfilled and busy :)
Concept-Peter Roosdorp 3 years ago
Also simple classes, like pottery are a good place to meet people.
Load More Replies... Lisa Valen 3 years ago
Get out, see sights, learn about your new city. You'll meet new people and may become friends. You'll still think about your girlfriend, but less and less so if you keep busy.
PixieVonBehr 3 years ago
Your feelings are valid and it's okay to be sad for a while as you adjust but yes, I agree making some friends and getting involved in the community will do wonders :)
Miss Ann Thrope 3 years ago
There are people everywhere that would be happy to have your company. Have fun finding them.
#42
I was sexually assaulted as a high schooler and still blame myself.
Tamra 3 years ago
For anyone reading this who has experienced the same - it is not your fault. It never was. No blame or shame lies on you, but 100% on the attacker. It is never your fault.
KombatBunni 3 years ago
Sometimes it’s hard to think of it that way, especially when your family tells you that your shouldn’t have put yourself in that situation. And your attackers are still walking free..
Load More Replies... Taylor Yingling 3 years ago
NEVER BLAME YOURSELF. You are beautiful, and a human being like the rest of us, that b***h should be in jail rn. If you wanna talk, I’m here. I’m sorry that happened to you, we are here for you. Just never blame yourself for what somebody else did to you, I’m sorry that happened.
El Dee 3 years ago
I've heard it said that the reason we blame ourselves (when it's plainly someone else who has done this) is that it's harder to accept that some things are outside of our control and that this thought is frightening. (NB this is a general thing, not specifically on sexual assault) Logically you know this wasn't your fault, you can't hold yourself responsible for the actions of another. But it will take time for you to fully accept the truth of it..
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Abusers seek out those of us who will internalize, who will bear the guilt, who will not tell. It's because they are abusers, not because we deserve blame for trusting people who told us they were trustworthy.
Anna Lessens 3 years ago
You blame yourself because we were raised to do that...to have to accommodate for men....to apologize for maturing faster...to make allowances because not doing so could mean death...that cannot be what we have to look forward to. All blame belongs to the criminal...not you, remember that in the darkest of times
Carol Emory 3 years ago
Not your fault! Put it into this perspective...Is a child of 5yo responsible for being sexually assaulted, physically abused, starved, trafficked to pedophiles? No! You would never put the blame on the child, you would it where it belongs..on her abuser. The child is no more at fault for what happened to them than you are. Put the blame where it belongs..on your attacker. Even if it was a friend or family member...that's even more on the attacker because they violated the trust you put in them. You should be angry...not ashamed.
Coral Rippin 3 years ago
Never ever blame yourself for this. You did nothing wrong…..you are the victim here and your abuser should be punished. If you can, find someone in authority who can advise you
#43
I joke a lot to family and friends but I’m genuinely worried about my alcohol consumption. I want to say I’m in like a pre-alcoholic state. I’m in the Military but I enjoyed drinking even before I joined. I drink on average either 10-15 beers or 3-4 glasses of straight fireball (which is about 3/4 of a liter). And that is every single day. 7 days a week. Before the night starts to come I’m always wondering if I have enough alcohol and plan accordingly. I do everything I need to do in my job and personal life (Girlfriend, Family, ETC). But, I like drinking more than I have a desire to stop. And I’m not sure where that’s going to lead me.
iseefractals 3 years ago
There's nothing pre about it. You are an alcoholic, albeit a functioning one. You know where it's going to lead you, you just don't want to acknowledge it. Eventually it will impact your work, or your social commitments, you'll do something stupid while you're drunk (drive, fight, unfiltered honesty to someone you absolutely should not) but even if you manage to keep all of that from happening, the toll on your health will catch up to you, and probably sooner than later, because that is an obscene amount to be drinking every day. I'm not being judgmental here, alcohol is about the only substance i never abused, so it's different shades of the same issue. No one can force you to deal with this, but the fact that you're saying anything indicates you know it's a problem even if you aren't ready to deal with it yet. But i can promise you, if you don't the outcome will range from bad to early grave.
Sasha Twin 3 years ago
Thats not pre-alcoholic, thats full alcoholic. Please reach out to your community and find help before it turns into years.
Monic Krugell 3 years ago
Go to AA - sit and listen, you don't have to say anything, but it might help you with that first step that you seem to be stuck at and that is not thinking I might have a problem but knowing and admitting that you do. (not judging - speaking from experience)
El Dee 3 years ago
This isn't 'pre alcoholic' You have a full blown alcohol problem. This is going to affect your health and your happiness. Sounds like your young enough to not have been damaged by this too much yet, your body can recover. Please realise this and just how hard it will be to end this before you address it. Get some advice before you do, going cold turkey on alcohol can lead to dangerous seizures. Good luck!
DC 3 years ago
You can even be an alcoholic WITHOUT daily drinking. In that regard, Ethanol is different than most other addictions - they're on or off, no inbetween. Alcohol is the exception here, making the addiction build up slower, but also getting rid of it will NEVER be final in a reliable way. Seek help. Lower the dose, if you can ... that is pretty much for a daily intake, that's more like a weekly intake on the edge of being a problem, nothing that on a daily basis lacks anything to be one...
Jennifer Prescott 3 years ago
If you’re planning your life around making sure you have enough alcohol for the night, you are not Pre-anything. You’re an alcoholic and need some addiction therapy/support. Wishing you the best!
Jc Prefontaine 3 years ago
Definitely an alcoholic I drank that amount every day for 21 years along with pot and prescription pills but it's not too late I got sober so can you you got to work with AA or people that have been drinking for a long time and have quit but no worries keep your faith in God and you'll get through it it is possible I'm sober now and I know you can do it
Ines Olabarria-Smith 3 years ago
My doctor asked me: “can you go several days without? That’s the difference between being one or not.
Tigerpacingthecage 3 years ago
Not necessarily. There's a difference between being an alcoholic and addiction. Yes, often they go together but you can still be an alcoholic if it goes overboard every time you drink and you have a hard time with limits. Even if you can go days without. Many alcoholics create limits for themselves, times or days, for a long time in between but the destructive pattern around alcohol always comes back.
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kate h 3 years ago (edited)
To everyone responding to this guy: BoredPanda finds interesting things on Reddit and reposts them here. This particular topic is 2 years old. Nobody from the Reddit topic is over here on Bored Panda reading your comments. Even if it was only 2 days old, they aren't going to be here. Your answers are typically great and thoughtful, but not being seen other than by people who hang out on Bored Panda.
John 3 years ago
But maybe someone on BP needs to read the post and comments to help them in their own struggle.
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#44
My friend's sexual assault. She knows what happened to her was wrong, but doesn't want it to get out and would rather simply go to therapy then also pressing charges. She doesn't want it getting out so I have to keep this dark secret no matter how much I want that a*****e to rot in jail
JJ 3 years ago
I understand her. I really hate the idea that survivors should be responsible for getting a perpetrator into prison (as in "Think about that this could happen to other women, too, because you didn't go to the police." ) After an assault survivors need to take care of themselves first - in some cases this involves pressing charges, in some cases it doesn't.
Anna Lessens 3 years ago
Yeah no one should guilt anyone into endangering their health and safety by pressing charges in the justice system... especially the US system
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Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 3 years ago
I don't know where you from, but here are the conviction rates for such crimes abysmal. So even if she presses charges and goes through all the necessary steps, he most likely wouldn't be convicted or just get a metaphorical slap on the wrist. A disgrace and a horror, but I understand every survivor who doesn't want to put up with this bs
Lisa Valen 3 years ago
It's her life, her experience and only she can know how she can come to terms with it. You may want the a*****e to rot in jail, but it's up to her. Perhaps therapy will get her to that point, but maybe not. All you can do; the only thing you can do, is be there for her.
AnonymousApple 3 years ago
I reported a sexual assault. Did everything I was supposed to do - hospital, police, etc. DA declined to prosecute. Next time it happened, I just kept it to myself. What's the point?
ItsJess 3 years ago
I have been where your friend was and people need to work through that kind of trauma in different ways. For some people that means going to the police and for others it might mean only going to therapy. She's not obligated to anyone but herself. My friends tried to guilt me into going to the police but I didn't allow the responsibility of someone else's actions to rest on me- I addressed things in therapy and know I made the right decision. It sounds as though you may need some professional help to understand your friends actions and help you empathize with that she's gone through.
#45
I actually look halfway decent/am pretty fit for a guy who's 40. Years of being a fat kid/fat 20something still has me stuck on the self-image that I'm still a fatty. I've had people wonder dumbfounded at how I'm still single. It's because in truth I have all the confidence and game of a little fat boy when it comes to any situation where I might be into someone, in a flirty situation, that kind of thing. I have no problem talking to anyone unless it's someone I don't know that I start to admire from a distance. Then suddenly if they try speaking to me I'm just like "...……….."
Disgruntled Pelican 3 years ago
My husband is like this. He lost around 100 pounds several years before we got together and he still really struggles with his confidence. Like, this man is so gorgeous inside and out that I do not deserve him, but I don't know what I can do to make him love himself and it breaks my heart.
Precious BS 3 years ago
I get it. I'm in a similar situation. It isn't easy to change to positive self talk when you (and others) have been so negative for so long. Be aware when you are being negative and reframe your thoughts. My 2 cents
#46
That the operations manager at my work who is a c**t to the core (her name is actually Karen, shocker) is under investigation for several incidents that should hopefully get that snake canned. Also, I was the one in 10th grade that accidentally s**t my pants in class and those were my boxers in the trashcan in the bathroom.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Similarly, I was one of the many people who reported the head of our school's Ethics committee for her disgusting bi-phobia. Yes, I had a celebratory drink when I heard she'd finally been canned after almost a decade, wailing about homophobia the whole time. Sorry, jerk, but you don't get to deny the "B" in LGBTQ+ and then claim you were fired because you're a lesbian. You were fired because you caused extreme harm to others, to the very people you were supposed to, you know, be ethical about.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
You can’t remove any of the letters from the LGBTQIAAP+ community without some form of backlash
Load More Replies... #47
My best friend and his girlfriend are into the idea of a MMF threesome. He's heteroflexible. I can not describe how strongly I want to be the second guy in that scenario because I'm totally into him and she's, like, model levels of gorgeous.
~~Ain't no way I'm telling him that.~~
Firstname Lastname 3 years ago
(Update from Reddit) Edit 2 Electric Boogaloo: Bad news for everyone rooting for me. I brought it up saying I wanted to use him as an example in another conversation I was having. I asked what his idea what for the other guy. This was his response. "I said I might be into something like that, there's no way my girlfriend would be. And I have no idea for the other guy at all." So yeah. The ball is out of my court. He's into it and she's not.
Taylor Yingling 3 years ago
Just be honest, and tell him. The worst thing he can do is say no.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 3 years ago
The best way to describe heteroflexible is bi with a MASSIVE preference for the opposite gender. Or mostly straight
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#48
Two years ago on Christmas Eve my mom & aunt got in a fist fight. An hour later my mom was still crying & unloading everything on her mind. She told me she was raped when she was 15. Literally had no idea what to say, just let her speak. Have not talked to anyone about this, but I think about it every day. My heart just hurts for her that she had to go through that.
Edit: Just to clear up some questions, no my mom wasn't drinking. She doesn't drink. I only mentioned that her & my aunt got into a fist fight because that's what triggered her emotions being so high and ultimately what led to her venting to me about and telling me she was raped.
Several months ago when I was home visiting family, she casually dropped that she had to go to therapy and would be back in an hour. Again we don't really talk about it, but I was happy she was seeing someone professionally.
Monika Rhodes 3 years ago
That's so sad and shitty people asking if she was drinking? What does that got to do with anything?
Zero 3 years ago
Alcohol is often a catalyst for dropping built up walls of things that someone would otherwise never share. Something that personal, I'd more expect to come from alcohol related wall dropping than post-fight emotions.
Load More Replies... Anna Lessens 3 years ago
I hope she's okay. That's a lot of emotional baggage to carry in life and it's nice when someone offers to lighten the load
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I had a friend come out to me that she was raped when she was 13. She'd been out riding her bike and a middle aged Hispanic man pulled her off her bike, dragged her into the entrance of an apartment building and raped her. 35 years later and she has 4 daughters, all who are dating Hispanic men. She said her attacker was never caught, but that she was having to overcome her fear of Hispanic men for her daughter's sake. I suggested she get therapy, but she was never the type to trust people with those details.
Lene 3 years ago
My mom has told me about two times that she was raped. And she wasn't upset or anything. And I sure as hel* didn't need to know about it. I'm pretty sure she just wanted me to feel bad for her. I do feel bad for her (was raised to be her emotional support 24/7) but I really didn't need to know about it. Especially after I told her that due to my own experiences and my attempt to stay mentally stable I try my best to avoid hearing rape-stories. Sorry.... don't mean to take the attention away from OP. Just needed this off my chest as I'm in a process of preparing to stop all contact with my mom. Thanks for reading.
#49
I won a $10,000 scholarship to pay back school loans. I was told i was the top pick over hundreds of students. But Bc i don't deal well with direct praise, my family doesn't and won't know.
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
It was posted on Reddit 3 years ago. So they won't see this and you're a bit late.
Load More Replies... Robert Trebor 3 years ago (edited)
I like being able to help people, including financially, from time to time. But I absolutely hate being told what a good guy I am. I know better ... (There's a good boy!)
Anna Lessens 3 years ago
I sense some reason for being so humble you don't like praise in direct form
Anna Lessens 3 years ago
Good for you. Millennials all over America would kill to be in your shoes
#50
I’m bulimic. Only my wife knows, and not to the fullest extent.
El Dee 3 years ago
I hope you get the help you need, you know the damage this will cause if you don't. NB I know that this doesn't make it easier to do. Illnesses like this make asking for help even harder, they make you turn in on yourself. You've spoken to your wife though so I hope you can..
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
It was posted on Reddit 3 years ago. Wrong site, bit late.
Load More Replies... #51
My best friend and I was falling in love. He had a brain tumor and he got surgery done but there was a low survival rate. I haven't told anyone about this, and a lot of people didnt even know of him. (He lived out of state but was my neighbor's cousin)
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
It was posted 2 years ago on Reddit. Go tell them there.
Load More Replies... #52
I really really like my best friend. She's just got out of a long term mentally abusive relationship. Now's not exactly the right time to say.
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
It was posted on Reddit 3 years ago. Would you say enough time has passed now?
Load More Replies... RoseTheMad 3 years ago
Right now, it sounds like she needs you, as a friend. Be that friend for now, treat her well and be there for her and tell her when the time is right.
Anna Lessens 3 years ago
Stand by her like you are together. She needs a great friend...be that friend.
#53
My grades have dropped dramatically since I went to college. Used to be an A student and now I'm barely getting C's in a lot of classes. I'm too ashamed to tell my parents. Also I keep thinking I should just drop out and give up on it altogether
iseefractals 3 years ago
That's not really uncommon. Difficulty of high school and difficulty of college aren't even in the same arena, but there's also the fact that college life is considerably less structured than high school, no parents on your case about studying or course work. It's all on you, and many kids have trouble making that adjustment, particularly if they've been somewhat sheltered/things have always come easily to them. It could be that you're simply pursuing something you're not really built to do, and there's nothing wrong with that. Part of going to college is finding out what you really want to do. But...walking away just because it's harder than you expected, is a dangerous precedent to set, because real life is not going to get any easier and you can't just give up when you're faced with something challenging. That said, college isn't worth as much as it used to be, there are plenty of things you could do that would provide a stable life.
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
I wish I had ever heard this!!! Would have saved me a lot of time and concern. At least I can shake off some shame I graduated with.
Load More Replies... iseefractals 3 years ago
Something more to add, you should never feel bad about struggling, and you should never feel embarrassed about asking for help. No one is capable of doing everything on their own, and everyone has been exactly where you are at one time or another.
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
I'm the same. I've always got A's and B's, but lately, I just haven't felt . . . I don't know how to describe it, but my grades were slipping to C's and D's. Luckily school's out and that's over till next year
Amy Wilke 3 years ago
Happens to many of us. I was an A student in high school, did a ton of extracurricular. Went to college and lost my scholarship after the first year. Had a few tough talks, got a little creative and finished up school anyway. Honestly I think a lot of people have a hard time the first two years with all of the "general ed" classes you have to take. But, once you're in your major (where your interests presumably lie) suddenly everything clicks better.
TheAngryAngwantibo 3 years ago
A friend of mine experienced this. He was the top of the class without having put in much effort and found everything easy at school. He went to university to be a doctor and found things were much harder. He had to study hard and no longer got top grades. There were other people who just swanned through studies and exams with little problem and he too felt disheartened by this. He kept working hard and is now an incredibly successful doctor. In fact successful is an understatement really, he's smashing life! Keep at it. School and uni/ college are two very different kettles of fish.
#54
I want to go see the therapist at my college for possible social anxiety, but I’m a minor for another six months. I need parental permission and can’t bring myself to ask my parents. They’ll most likely say yes, but my mom is so stressed with taking care of my two sick family members that I don’t want to put another weight on her
Nathaniel 3 years ago
Tis is effed up that you need parental permission for this, how is that allowed?
Anna Lessens 3 years ago
Cos they want to know if your parents are part of the reason for visiting
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BannedFromABoatShow 3 years ago
As a mom with one healthy daughter and one with chronic illness, tell your parents. I’ve told my healthy daughter again and again - don’t be the “good” one, the “easy” one. I want to know what you need too. Don’t take over for my job and parent yourself. Please tell them.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This may actually help take some weight off OP's mom, in fact.
Load More Replies... RandomFrog 3 years ago
I hate that things have to have parental permission. My sister needs therapy so bad, but my mom says that “mOM ThErAPy” is enough, when really it’s not and just causes my sister to hide her feelings more. Also, I’m closeted trans and want top surgery more than anything in the world, but I can’t do that becuase I need parental permission, which is kinda reasonable, but I wish they would lower the age at which you don’t need it tk 16.
Camo Pena 3 years ago
The last thing your mom wants is you hiding this. Tell her. Signed, a mom
Cindy M 3 years ago
This! I don't think there us much that hurts a mom more than realizing you were struggling and she didn't get the chance to be there for you.
Load More Replies... Haley Sterne 3 years ago
It may actually take stress off your mom. She will know that you know yourself enough to seek help when needed, that you have a firm support system outside, and that you have you.
Wintermute 3 years ago
Doooo eeeet! I was to embarrassed to ask for help when I needed it as a teenager, and I'm still paying for it at almost 40. The formative years are the most important years, and a good mom will make time for it. These justifications to delay help come from avoidance, denial and other defense mechanisms built into mental illness. If you can relate to this post, just ask.
somnomania 3 years ago
just explain to them that lots of people deal with things like social anxiety, and you're seeking help so that they don't have to worry about it!
Another Amy 3 years ago (edited)
If you're a college student, then your on-campus counseling session is privacy protected by a law referred to as FERPA (even if you are a minor). It's a federal law and part of it protects your privacy from your parents finding out about class attendance, grades, and lots of other things INCLUDING on campus counseling. Please use the resources provided to you on your campus! Love, a college professor (and mom).
#55
Well suppose I can't keep it to myself forever right. And for the record I know what I'm doing makes me (I should say us) a horrible person. My high school sweetheart of 5 years, we broke up back in 2012. A mutual breakup. We were madly in love together and still madly in love after the breakup. Our relationship is very f*cked let's put it that way. We did part ways until about 2017 until we started talking again.
However, the difference this time was is that she actually got married to someone else during that time. But her and I clicked together so well that we immediately started dating again. Yes, she's married and has a boyfriend (me). No, her husband is completely unaware. We're both perfectly aware what we're doing is wrong. We've both agreed to meet each other in hell when the time comes.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
Ugh, such shitty people. She is worse coz she is the one that is married. That doesn't excuse you though.
Megan The Viking Traveler 3 years ago
I know things are complicated but why not just let the husband go? That would solve everything.
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Black Pearl 3 years ago (edited)
FYI, you two are pieces of s**t. The fact that you know she's married and are still dating her is terrible. Her poor husband is no doubt going to have issues once he finds out. Just because you click doesn't mean you should act on it while one of you is taken. F**k both of you.
El Dee 3 years ago
You don't have an excuse. Her husband deserves to be in an honest relationship. You should ask yourself why she doesn't want to give her marriage up to be with you exclusively. You should ask yourself if you actually deserve more than just a 'share' of someone. You have to end this situation, either the husband has to go, or you do. She can't have both..
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
So you've both agreed it's ok to deliberately hurt an innocent man? You both suck.
Missy 3 years ago
When my children's father finally admitted he had gotten himself a girlfriend while married to me, I didn't fully snap out of it untill he tried to get away with all of it by saying "my heart is big enough for the both of you" Mine wasn't ;) I truly hope they live very unhappily ever after... It took me ages to get over the long lasting betrayal. No matter how hard it is, at least be ffing honest asap!
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
When you sign up for monogamy, being baited-and-switched into nonmonog is disgusting, abusive, and gaslighting. I hope they live unhappily ever after, too.
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Powerful Katrinka 3 years ago
The whole way the OP phrased this is incredibly passive, as though this whole situation was unavoidable. It's not. The OP is making a conscious decision to potentially destroy another person's life, and pretending that it is otherwise just makes it worse. As does making little "jokes" about paying for this in the afterlife. Grow the f##k up.
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
Dude, that's messed up. Either cut her off, or make her tell her husband. He doesn't deserve this.
#56
I had feelings for a man that was a year older than my dad.
Disgruntled Pelican 3 years ago
I put myself in a similar situation twice when I was 19 and then 22. Please, don't act on your feelings.
Anna Lessens 3 years ago (edited)
Unless your under 18....go for it buddy/ girlfriend/ my they.
Coral Rippin 3 years ago
So? Did you have a relationship with this man? Age is just a number sweetie, if the feelings between you are mutual it is no one else’s business
#57
I know I have to go back to college to get a better job so I can get a higher pay, but I’m so unmotivated to go back and do what I have to do. I’ve been wanting to explain that to my family and friends for so long, but I don’t know how to do that without them just brushing it off by saying I’m just being lazy.
kaycee14 3 years ago
Do you have interest/skills in any trades? There are SO MANY help wanted signs in my area for licensed carpenters, electricians, hvac, etc. These can be great paying jobs, with way more job security than that of office drones. College isn't the only route to success.
TheEndIsNigh 3 years ago
I agree. I have a BA & MBA and I swear I paid $75 thousand dollars to graduate and use nothing but freaking Excel. Spent 2 decades in an industry I loved but doing work I hated. About 2019 I started talking random online courses and getting certified in different super interesting things. One day I saw a job listing that didn't mention needing a degree, but happened to list wanting certification in one of the random courses I took. Applied on a whim, got an interview. My BA & MBA were never mentioned, but we talked extensively about the certification course I took. I got the job, which pays 3 times as much to start than I was making after 20 years in the same industry with a graduate and post-graduate degree. I'm not even 40 yet. Do not force yourself to go to college if you aren't ready. Take an online course here and there or even take cert. courses if you want to progress without being pressured.
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Ines Olabarria-Smith 3 years ago
Wanted go on with my studies but wasn’t motivated but the choices. Just today I’ve found something that maybe is what I’d want. If you can’t find it, its not being lazy, is being realistic.
#58
I know a couple that broke up about a year ago. They still are friends though and work together and I'm not supposed to tell anyone they broke up. After this long I wonder if it's just a long, elaborate test of my loyalty
*guys the test part was a joke. They're not evil humans lol, just private
InfiniteZero 3 years ago
Not me. I'm a General Human. And some people aren't even human. Instead, they're Major Assholes.
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Mary Jeffries 3 years ago
I used to work on a hospital unit where two of the people were married. Nobody knew and nobody put it together that they were both gone when she was on maternity leave.
#59
I told my best friend, who knows I'm in love with him, that I'm moving on and trying to find someone else. But really I don't know if I'll ever actually move on, I just don't want him to feel bad.
censor 3 years ago
unrequited love is nightmarish. move on. yes, you never actually move on. it is hell.
somnomania 3 years ago
i'd say that previously requited, now unrequited, is possibly worse.
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Laura 3 years ago
It does not sound like manipulation to me. It sounds like he's in love but the other person is not. So the other person feels bad about that. And with op saying to move on it takes the pressure of
Load More Replies... #60
I’m [sleeping with] my coworker.
Wandaluzt 3 years ago
It was posted on Reddit 3 years ago. Go ask them there.
Load More Replies... Taylor Yingling 3 years ago (edited)
If you are in a relationship, other than the coworker then shame on you, if you aren’t then have fun. Not trying to be rude there at all.
Miss Ann Thrope 3 years ago
If you're both single, this is what the kids call dating these days. If your are single, then chances are it will end badly and you'll get your heart broken.
censor 3 years ago
sometimes it's a boss/subordinate combination in which case the boss could use sex as leverage to not pay the subordinate a raise, OR, the subordinate could blackmail the boss into a raise, etc.
Load More Replies... #61
I have a boyfriend in another city. My family thinks that he's just a best friend of mine. We have been together for years now. Sadly I see him only a few times a year since I'm still only a teen and my parents don't know about our relationship. It's overwhelming at times and I feel quite upset we can't spend time with each other much, but it'll hopefully change soon when I have more power to do things I want!
Kallen Kneeland 3 years ago
You said you're "still only a teen". How old is HE? It makes the difference between whether you have a long distance relationship that could bloom when you're independent OR if you're being groomed by a predator.
Jill Bussey 3 years ago
Be careful. I hope he is not a predator taking advantage of a naïve teen.
FreshGanesh 3 years ago (edited)
This seems a little problematic and concerning. *So I dug for background* PointyNose (u/pyramidnose) posted this over two years ago. Hopefully THEY are an adult or at least more experienced. They’ve wiped most of their profile, but I found only one other current post, in the form of a comment on r/gaycommentsonreddit. This suggests OP could be male, given they referred to “boyfriend” in this post. Along with the concerns Kallen mentioned, it opens up the possibility that the relationship isn’t secret because of age or family belief on dating, but because of sexual identity. •••I’m hoping this is a case of two boys “dating” long distance and the secret part of it is they’re dating, not an age thing, not a predatory thing. We can’t know because it’s so old and out of context. I hope OP has had a healthy safe journey with this.
Terri Rimmer 3 years ago
Wish I could tell my secret but since my pic would be shown, I can't.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
I am aroace and my parents don’t know and I feel like they may find out in a while if they start snooping through my device. I also have a feeling that my depression is begining to relapse since every time I see a knife I get an urge to end myself with it. I don’t feel depressed at all but I still feel like ending my life. I don’t have a proper emotional connection with anyone in my life and resent any form of physical contact be it a handshake or a hug. It feels as if I built a huge emotional wall around myself and I can’t break out of it
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
I also regret giving a kid who was allergic to peanuts something that had contact with peanuts to eat. Nothing bad happened to him but I feel really guilty. This was back in third grade
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Madeleine Flowers 3 years ago
To anyone that needs it today, here's a photo I saved on my computer. Hedgehog-P...7ac389.jpg 
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
Aww, hedgy looks so cute and is spreading the right message while being adorable
Load More Replies... Black Pearl 3 years ago
Nobody knows how much my mental health has declined. I think my family and friends are all vaugely aware that I have some anxiety issues, but they don't know how bad it is. My social anxiety has gotten to the point where sometimes when I try to talk to new people, I literally can't. Like, I can't bring myself to say anything out loud. I have panic and anxiety attacks all the time at school or home. When they happen now I just ask to go to the restroom if I'm at school or hide in my room at home until it's over. I know I need to tell someone, but I'm afraid they'll treat me differently because of it.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
I really want to say something here but I can’t put it into words. However if you need anything or want to rant then I’m here for you
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Kate Jones 3 years ago (edited)
I don't understand how to make friends or have relationships as an adult. I didn't go to college directly out of high school and when i did get to college, i worked full time so I never attended parties, i lived off-campus and i never made any friends or boyfriends. And now I'm 43 and have not a single friend -more than just a work friend or acquaintance...a real friend - and haven't had a relationship in I don't even want to say. It's my own fault because I'm not a bar/club person. I'm a homebody and I never forced myself to be more sociable as I'm generally happy alone. My job is very solitary. I talk to random people online but I don't feel like they're friends. I thought about dating apps but honestly i wish they just had them to make friends! I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way or has this problem.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
No need to date since not everyone wants to or are unable to. If you spoke with me online or here I’d consider you to be my friend :)
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Pumpkin Spice 3 years ago
I'm in a secret relationship with one of my best friends and nobody knows. (Also i kissed her recently, first kiss and best feeling of my life. Still riding that high.)
tuzdayschild 3 years ago
There is never a time I don't have secret chocolate stashed somewhere in my house.
Tamra 3 years ago
Do you live in Pennsylvania? I got some serious cravings tonight. 😂
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adam huber 3 years ago
i fight my porn addiction everyday because i need to be better for my nephews. i cant falls back in that hole
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
Realizing you are addicted is a huge first step andmust’ve taken a lot of courage to admit to yourself so congrats for that. You can try to replace porn with watching tutorials on interesting things on Youtube or you can read a book or take up something that you are interested in. The journey to recovering from any addiction is hard and the urge to relapse is strong but I believe in you.
Load More Replies... Disgruntled Pelican 3 years ago
I'm suffering from terrible depression and anxiety plus I'm having intrusive thoughts. This year has sucked. We put my 18 year old cat down, I'm supposed to have surgery this coming Monday, and my dad was diagnosed with cancer just over a week ago. On top of that, my husband's health has been taking constant hits this year but he refuses to go to the doctor because he's scare of what they will find and what it will cost. I'm scared that I'm going to be a widow before we hit our 10th anniversary. Obviously, this is so minor compared to what others are going through, but it's a lot in the first 6 months of the year.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
That must be so so stressful that I can’t even comprehend it. At least something good must happen to you to compensate for all this. If you need to rant even more then feel free to message me
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C W 3 years ago
People realize that these are the original posts right? I see lots of helpful advice but the original poster did not come to Bored panda to type these. These are snapshots pulled from the Internet so you have to track down the person if you really want to talk to them.
Lizzy Crit 3 years ago
I reply because someone in a similar situation might read it
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Throw away account 3 years ago
I have detailed fantasies about torturing and killing random people and it gives me great pleasure. I have a very ‘twisted’ view of the world and don’t really value human life. I also don’t think I have empathy.
Mistiekim 3 years ago
You need to see a therapist about this, or talk to it out with someone you trust. You cannot submit to your fantasies and you have to figure out why and where these feelings/lack of empathy might be coming from. It’s a good start that you reached out to people here.
Load More Replies... Stardust she/her 3 years ago
I am aroace and my parents don’t know and I feel like they may find out in a while if they start snooping through my device. I also have a feeling that my depression is begining to relapse since every time I see a knife I get an urge to end myself with it. I don’t feel depressed at all but I still feel like ending my life. I don’t have a proper emotional connection with anyone in my life and resent any form of physical contact be it a handshake or a hug. It feels as if I built a huge emotional wall around myself and I can’t break out of it
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
I also regret giving a kid who was allergic to peanuts something that had contact with peanuts to eat. Nothing bad happened to him but I feel really guilty. This was back in third grade
Load More Replies... Madeleine Flowers 3 years ago
To anyone that needs it today, here's a photo I saved on my computer. Hedgehog-P...7ac389.jpg
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
Aww, hedgy looks so cute and is spreading the right message while being adorable
Load More Replies... Black Pearl 3 years ago
Nobody knows how much my mental health has declined. I think my family and friends are all vaugely aware that I have some anxiety issues, but they don't know how bad it is. My social anxiety has gotten to the point where sometimes when I try to talk to new people, I literally can't. Like, I can't bring myself to say anything out loud. I have panic and anxiety attacks all the time at school or home. When they happen now I just ask to go to the restroom if I'm at school or hide in my room at home until it's over. I know I need to tell someone, but I'm afraid they'll treat me differently because of it.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
I really want to say something here but I can’t put it into words. However if you need anything or want to rant then I’m here for you
Load More Replies... Kate Jones 3 years ago (edited)
I don't understand how to make friends or have relationships as an adult. I didn't go to college directly out of high school and when i did get to college, i worked full time so I never attended parties, i lived off-campus and i never made any friends or boyfriends. And now I'm 43 and have not a single friend -more than just a work friend or acquaintance...a real friend - and haven't had a relationship in I don't even want to say. It's my own fault because I'm not a bar/club person. I'm a homebody and I never forced myself to be more sociable as I'm generally happy alone. My job is very solitary. I talk to random people online but I don't feel like they're friends. I thought about dating apps but honestly i wish they just had them to make friends! I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way or has this problem.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
No need to date since not everyone wants to or are unable to. If you spoke with me online or here I’d consider you to be my friend :)
Load More Replies... Pumpkin Spice 3 years ago
I'm in a secret relationship with one of my best friends and nobody knows. (Also i kissed her recently, first kiss and best feeling of my life. Still riding that high.)
tuzdayschild 3 years ago
There is never a time I don't have secret chocolate stashed somewhere in my house.
Tamra 3 years ago
Do you live in Pennsylvania? I got some serious cravings tonight. 😂
Load More Replies... adam huber 3 years ago
i fight my porn addiction everyday because i need to be better for my nephews. i cant falls back in that hole
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
Realizing you are addicted is a huge first step andmust’ve taken a lot of courage to admit to yourself so congrats for that. You can try to replace porn with watching tutorials on interesting things on Youtube or you can read a book or take up something that you are interested in. The journey to recovering from any addiction is hard and the urge to relapse is strong but I believe in you.
Load More Replies... Disgruntled Pelican 3 years ago
I'm suffering from terrible depression and anxiety plus I'm having intrusive thoughts. This year has sucked. We put my 18 year old cat down, I'm supposed to have surgery this coming Monday, and my dad was diagnosed with cancer just over a week ago. On top of that, my husband's health has been taking constant hits this year but he refuses to go to the doctor because he's scare of what they will find and what it will cost. I'm scared that I'm going to be a widow before we hit our 10th anniversary. Obviously, this is so minor compared to what others are going through, but it's a lot in the first 6 months of the year.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
That must be so so stressful that I can’t even comprehend it. At least something good must happen to you to compensate for all this. If you need to rant even more then feel free to message me
Load More Replies... C W 3 years ago
People realize that these are the original posts right? I see lots of helpful advice but the original poster did not come to Bored panda to type these. These are snapshots pulled from the Internet so you have to track down the person if you really want to talk to them.
Lizzy Crit 3 years ago
I reply because someone in a similar situation might read it
Load More Replies... Throw away account 3 years ago
I have detailed fantasies about torturing and killing random people and it gives me great pleasure. I have a very ‘twisted’ view of the world and don’t really value human life. I also don’t think I have empathy.
Mistiekim 3 years ago
You need to see a therapist about this, or talk to it out with someone you trust. You cannot submit to your fantasies and you have to figure out why and where these feelings/lack of empathy might be coming from. It’s a good start that you reached out to people here.
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