“Am I Wrong For Leaving The House When My SIL Said She Was On Her Way To Drop The Kids Off For Me To Watch?”
Boundaries, dear Pandas, boundaries are what keep family relationships healthy. No matter how close you are to your parents, siblings, and all the extended family members that are as numerous as hobbits, you can’t constantly sacrifice your own life for their needs. Love, respect, and support don’t mean living in constant servitude, at the beck and call of others’ every whim.
Reddit user u/IamAndy123 turned to the AITA community and asked it if he was wrong for refusing to babysit his nephews by rushing out of his home before they could arrive. Now, at first glance, that sounds really bad, doesn’t it? But the fact is, the redditor felt like it was the only way to establish proper boundaries: he had important personal plans that he didn’t want to give up. And his sister-in-law didn’t get that.
Scroll down for the full story and let us know what you think of the entire bizarre situation, dear Pandas. Do you have any thoughts on how you’d have handled things?
Bored Panda reached out to Samantha Scroggin, the founder of the ‘Walking Outside in Slippers’ parenting blog, for a chat about boundaries within families, and the limits of asking for help with babysitting.
“I think when establishing boundaries with family members, being clear and using good communication are the best routes. You wouldn’t want a family member to misinterpret your actions for rudeness or lack of appreciation for their help with childcare,” she said. “I would hope that close family members can communicate freely about expectations for child care, but I know that personalities differ and some would rather take on an extra burden and avoid conflict.”
No matter how much we love our family members, there have to be some boundaries
Image credits: Picsea (not the actual photo)
An uncle shared how his sister-in-law didn’t care about the personal plans that he had when she wanted him to babysit. Here’s what happened
Image credits: IamAndy123
Image credits: Kelli McClintock (not the actual photo)
In Samantha’s opinion, there isn’t a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach when it comes to babysitting and family members. All families are different.
“Some families are very close, and the aunts and uncles and grandparents are practically other parents to the kids. Others are more distant. Once again, I think good communication is important to set the ground rules and ensure everyone is comfortable with the babysitting expectations,” she said.
What’s more, the founder of ‘Walking Outside in Slippers’ shared a bit about how her own family deals with babysitting. “My husband and kids and I live several hours away from both sets of grandparents, and other family members. Because of this distance, we are rarely if ever asked to babysit,” she said.
Samantha continued: “However when we visit family, the grandparents often take our kids so we can go on a date for dinner, and maybe even a short weekend away alone. I think the distance makes the grandparents more eager to spend what time with our kids they can. My husband and I try not to abuse this privilege and expect too much, but it is such a relief to have occasional help with feeding and caring for the kids.”
At the core of the Reddit story lie two things. First of all, redditor u/IamAndy123 feels like he never had a choice in deciding how often he can babysit his nephews. He believes that this whole babysitting business was thrown onto his shoulders by his younger brother.
Second of all, it seems like the younger brother and the sister-in-law definitely have some boundary issues. There’s nothing wrong with asking a family member for help; however, demanding that they change their important plans isn’t the diplomatic way to go.
While getting out of the house to avoid one’s SIL is definitely a last-resort kind of action, it’s not difficult to see that redditor may have simply become fed up with the entire situation. Or he may have felt like discussing this with his sibling and SIL wouldn’t work because they don’t understand his perspective.
Whatever the case might be, establishing boundaries really is important, even in (or rather, especially in) family settings. However, you have to be delicate when you do this. Relationship coach Alex Scot told Bored Panda that the closer you are to someone, the more flexible you have to make those boundaries.
“Without them [boundaries], we live our lives at the expense of ourselves. The mindset for many when it comes to setting boundaries is that they feel selfish, or that they aren’t being a good partner when they implement them, so they avoid doing it altogether,” the expert revealed to Bored Panda.
“Boundaries are there for us to be able to take care of and to protect ourselves so that we can show up and operate within our lives as successfully as possible.”
Redditors were nearly unanimous in their verdict. Here’s what they had to say about the family drama
What I find more annoying is how she sprung it on him last minute. She likely had her hair appointment scheduled weeks in advance and she had ample time to ask for a sitter and/or uncle. I feel like this is not a new thing for her and she feels she can just dump her kids on him whenever.
This was going to be my comment as well. Hair appts are sometimes months in advance, especially for wedding stuff. There's no way she wouldn't have known ahead of time and made arrangements. I could understand if she had asked and then you reneged but that wasn't the case. She sprang it on you at the last minute. I understand wanting to help but that's just it: help. That isn't a guarantee of being available at all her beck and call. Why is what you want to do deemed less important? I would go to your brother and tell him just that. Especially if in the past you've put aside your plans in order to help him. Where's the appreciation for all of that? You can just stop helping entirely and let them start paying for babysitters and see how fast they come running back. And I know I'll sound like a jerk but, she's a stay at home mom. It's harder for you to have to shift things around your work schedule to meet her demands than it would be for her to pay better attention to scheduling.
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Why is it that people with kids think their lives are sooooo much more important than those of the child-free? Ok, not ALL parents, but it seems to be the vast majority these days. My family did it to me when their kids were young - not like this guy, but nobody EVER bothered to check if I had plans before they arranged a family event. Used to drive me nuts!
It's not a vast majority. It's a very obnoxious minority. You never hear about all the parents out there that respect boundaries because there's no horror story to tell about it.
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You did NOT "ruin" your relationship with your brother. You do and did not have a "relationship" with your brother. You are being used. You have NOT lost anything. Your "relationship: with your brother can only be repaired by him. Live your life and remember, he and his wife chose to have children. You were not part of the decision making process and you are not an addendum to their choices.
Reinforce your message - that you require notice to babysit unless it is an emergency which includes flames or blood. A hair appointment does not constitute an emergency and you will continue with your plans. Don’t worry about not seeing your brother or nephews - they will quickly cycle through the rest of their friends and family and will come back to you.
To be absolutely frank, f*ck that brother of yours. Freeloading dipshit that's what he is.
You're relationship with your brother NEEDS some ruining if this is it's current form.
The kids can sit through a hair appointment. I did it all the time.
If they're in preschool they're only 2 or 3 years old, and a woman's hair appointment is at least an hour, and could be significantly longer. Preschoolers cannot sit through that. Additionally, depending on the COVID rules where they are, they may not be allowed to have any extra people in the waiting area. She just needed to hire a babysitter.
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I have my own kids, and never once dumped them on anyone. Funny story. When they were 3 and 4, my wife and I were about to sign a lease for a nice house rental, 3 year lease. Met several neighbors who wanted to check my family out while I was talking to what would be our soon to be landlord. It was when I heard two of the woman, talking about dropping their kids off in my wife's lap so to speak, that I got pissed and lied to them saying "You just can't drop your kids off here if we move in. I'm a predator so it's not allowed!" I assumed the two dad's there look was of fear, and smugly told myself, good. I'm not going to let them turn my wife or myse!f into some free babysitter service. Then, to my horror, both men said welcome to the b!ock, they are too! And they started bragging to each other, my wife turned pail, I took the lease and tore it up and we left quite quickly. I mean for God sakes, it worked in the movies!!!!!
Something's not right with SIL's behavior. Anyone willing to hear the answer "no" and completely ignore it and just continue to move on with their plans as if the answer had been yes is something else. I don't trust that lady. Anyone willing to behave this way is surely willing to s**t on people in many other extremely aggressive and probably damaging ways. The OP's brother is in serious danger from this woman (I'm not talking violent, tho I couldn't rule it out). I dunno. I seriously don't trust this woman.
Sounds to me like the younger brother has been taught that the OP, as older brother, will always be there to help him. As the oldest of four, I had that impressed on me at a young age - I was always held responsible for the younger kids, and also was punished when they wouldn't follow the rules set down by our parents.
That is something I work very hard not to do with my oldest.
Load More Replies... Unfortunately, Bro and SIL are going to get into another jam someday, and ambush OP without warning... just ~knock knock~ NEPHEWS!
I suspect he’d be fine about it if it was “a jam”. But a hair appointment?!
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Hell no u r not wrong a no is a no. Even if u wasn't going 2 ur gf art thing u said no. I wouldn't have went anywhere i would have stayed at home & just let her keep knocking hell i wouldn't open the curtains & let her c mr watching tv & ignoring her. And if she got 2 crazy acting i would have call the cops. I would not have left my house like he did u told her no so y hides. And his brother haves a lot of nerve calling him & stared talking crazy 2 him. I wouldn't told him where 2 go & hung up on him. That's what i would have done.
Hair appointments are something you know about at least a single day in advance, that was enough time to ASK him if he could look after the kids, or find alternative methods, not simply assume that he has no life at all and they can drop off their kids at any time they feel like. And then assuming that OP can and would drop everything to babysit. I also have a nephew, I adore him, and would do anything for him, but he's not my responsibility and I had to drill that into my sister when she assumed I'd be constantly available when I'm not working. She has to ask and accept whatever answers I give, just like thus woman should have.
A day? More like a month! There's absolutely no reason she couldn't have given him ample warning, to which he would have said he was unavailable, and she would have had time to find someone else.
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I'm appalled at the SIL and Brothers behavior/ expectations and how they're using their children to hurt younger brother. I can only imagine the garbage they spew as well. The level of entitlement is incredibly strong with those two. It is absolutely not the younger brother's responsibility to 'take care of' SIL and their children while his brother is away. I can absolutely understand asking if an emergency were to arise could they count on him...meaning a true and serious/ desperate emergency but being their on call daycare is absurd and honestly gross to expect. He didn't marry the 4 of them! Get a babysitter, call the grandparents or schedule your apts accordingly. They owe younger brother a Huge apology!
You are not the one who married the pita and your not the father of those kids. You had a prior engagement to attend. Her appoch should have been bil I have a wedding to attend and want to get my hair done. Could we schedule something tomorrow some time that you could sit with the boys for about x amount of time. You'd have said sure
Well, I guess he doesn't have to worry about his SIL demanding he babysit anymore.
this sounds like a job for HER mom to step in for. Or how about the fellow's Mother. Why an Uncle? Had this been a flat tire and no AAA or an emergency of some sort on the part of the prearranged babysitter, ok . but lack of planning on her part does NOT make it an emergency on him.
They may not live near their parents, they may not be alive, they may be estranged, they may not be physically able to care for 2 preschoolers. Lots of explanations for why parents weren't asked. I absolutely agree with everything else you said though. This is the mom's problem, not the uncle's.
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Sometimes the entitlement of people - the ones with super young children - blindsides me. Maybe it's hormones.
Give them a rate of $100/hr per kid and then see what they say. They'll find a different babysitter. OP didn't agree to it, and anytime he ended up doing it, he was coerced. It's not right and OP is/was being taken advantage.
My comment to her and your brother is Get a babysitter. I am not a babysitter. They are your kids, not mine. If you didn't want responsibility for them, you shouldn't have had them. Do not call me and demand that I watch YOUR KIDS. I rarely had my mom and dad watch my kids. I was a SAHM for several years and once they got in school I got a job. Apparently SIL and Brother seem to think they are entitled, they are not. Tell them they are on their own..don't depend on me...ever.
People with kids think their s**t is always more important than anyone else’s. Definitely not TA. In fact, I’d have said much worse.
I feel horrible that OP’s relationship w/ his brother is now strained maybe even ruined b/c of SIL. A haircut is a scheduled appointment that in most cases is made a few days to weeks out, depending on volume of the salon. There should have been no last minute issue with this specific event. I hope OP stands his ground, however tough it might be, and not apologize. He was not in the wrong and if a 30 yr old split the way he did it is clear that he knew that if he had been home she would have dropped the kids off and hightailed it outta there. What is also a$$holish is the brothers actions on this issue. OP stated he never agreed w/ the plan to begin w/ b/c the IL relationship isn’t the greatest. I get being there for major issues but ever day things… get a babysitter for that. Hugs to OP, I truly hope he was able to salvage his relationship w/his brother w/o having to be the one to apologize. Hopefully this issue lead to a more in-depth conversation between the two of them. That said, I want to add the OP’s relationship w/his brother was NOT ruined by OP, it was the brother’s fault. Still I hope things are better, if not, I hope OP was able to move on and live his life.
Wow. I'm afraid as much as I love my family, that relationship would have come to an end rather abruptly after that. People who think you only exist to be a slave to them in their lives whenever or however, are people who need to be cut out of your life, even if they're family. Too bad - he's mad - oh boo hoo!
she made the appointment for a hair cut before she even asked. Not a doctor's appointment, a hair cut. very entitled
Looks like the SIL wears the pants in that family. They both need lessons in boundaries and respect.
You should not have to give up your plans bc your sister in law wants to get her hair done she should take thwm with her. Your brother should have listened to your aide also
Just his luck then she wouldn't show up on time and he'd be stuck with crotch goblins on caffeine and sugar.
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My neighbour couple did this every Saturday. We had newly shifted to that city. I had just quit my job and was at home. The neighbour couple were both highly educated and working 6 days a week with Sunday weekly off. Their only daughter had 5 day school do every Saturday the child was at my place. Child’s all four grandparents were in the same city but me being nearest child was pushed onto our place. Once when I told I had other plans the hubby was quite irritated.
I assume the SIL's sisters wedding wasn't a shot gun wedding which means that she had a lot of time to plan this haircut. Screw her for the mental abuse she and the brother are doing
SIL blew it. A hair cut appt can be rescheduled. She should have checked with him before scheduling the appt for a time he could babysit. Bro blew it too. They're burning bridges work OP, who sounds like he's willing to help when he can. Now, because she tried to manipulate him into giving in to her demands, he might not believe her if there is an emergency and she really needs his help. Bro and SIL need to grow up. Right now, their behaving like they're pre-schoolers.
They need to schedule a sitter. He did the right thing. He's not their servant.
I'll be honest, when my kids were that age I *never* head someone to watch them, so guess what, they came w/ me. NBD. A salon is a place full of women & I've never been to one where there wasn't someone who'd love to hangout w/ a cpl of kiddos for a few mins. I always brought snacks & activities & day their asses down. SIL sounds like an entitled b***h. Good for OP for setting boundaries & putting himself & his relationship first!
People who do not respect your boundaries do not respect you. Period. Repeat it daily.
No. Hair appointments, especially ones for a wedding, are something you make in advance, there is enough time to at least ASK the BIL if he's available, and not assume that it will be a yes every time, not assume that BIL is able to drop everything, REGARDLESS of what it is, and do not assume that people with no kids don't have a life. It would have been different if BIL had agreed to watch kids in advance but then bailed. But that isn't the case here. It was sprung last minute, without being asked.
Load More Replies... What I find more annoying is how she sprung it on him last minute. She likely had her hair appointment scheduled weeks in advance and she had ample time to ask for a sitter and/or uncle. I feel like this is not a new thing for her and she feels she can just dump her kids on him whenever.
This was going to be my comment as well. Hair appts are sometimes months in advance, especially for wedding stuff. There's no way she wouldn't have known ahead of time and made arrangements. I could understand if she had asked and then you reneged but that wasn't the case. She sprang it on you at the last minute. I understand wanting to help but that's just it: help. That isn't a guarantee of being available at all her beck and call. Why is what you want to do deemed less important? I would go to your brother and tell him just that. Especially if in the past you've put aside your plans in order to help him. Where's the appreciation for all of that? You can just stop helping entirely and let them start paying for babysitters and see how fast they come running back. And I know I'll sound like a jerk but, she's a stay at home mom. It's harder for you to have to shift things around your work schedule to meet her demands than it would be for her to pay better attention to scheduling.
Load More Replies... Why is it that people with kids think their lives are sooooo much more important than those of the child-free? Ok, not ALL parents, but it seems to be the vast majority these days. My family did it to me when their kids were young - not like this guy, but nobody EVER bothered to check if I had plans before they arranged a family event. Used to drive me nuts!
It's not a vast majority. It's a very obnoxious minority. You never hear about all the parents out there that respect boundaries because there's no horror story to tell about it.
Load More Replies... You did NOT "ruin" your relationship with your brother. You do and did not have a "relationship" with your brother. You are being used. You have NOT lost anything. Your "relationship: with your brother can only be repaired by him. Live your life and remember, he and his wife chose to have children. You were not part of the decision making process and you are not an addendum to their choices.
Reinforce your message - that you require notice to babysit unless it is an emergency which includes flames or blood. A hair appointment does not constitute an emergency and you will continue with your plans. Don’t worry about not seeing your brother or nephews - they will quickly cycle through the rest of their friends and family and will come back to you.
To be absolutely frank, f*ck that brother of yours. Freeloading dipshit that's what he is.
You're relationship with your brother NEEDS some ruining if this is it's current form.
The kids can sit through a hair appointment. I did it all the time.
If they're in preschool they're only 2 or 3 years old, and a woman's hair appointment is at least an hour, and could be significantly longer. Preschoolers cannot sit through that. Additionally, depending on the COVID rules where they are, they may not be allowed to have any extra people in the waiting area. She just needed to hire a babysitter.
Load More Replies... I have my own kids, and never once dumped them on anyone. Funny story. When they were 3 and 4, my wife and I were about to sign a lease for a nice house rental, 3 year lease. Met several neighbors who wanted to check my family out while I was talking to what would be our soon to be landlord. It was when I heard two of the woman, talking about dropping their kids off in my wife's lap so to speak, that I got pissed and lied to them saying "You just can't drop your kids off here if we move in. I'm a predator so it's not allowed!" I assumed the two dad's there look was of fear, and smugly told myself, good. I'm not going to let them turn my wife or myse!f into some free babysitter service. Then, to my horror, both men said welcome to the b!ock, they are too! And they started bragging to each other, my wife turned pail, I took the lease and tore it up and we left quite quickly. I mean for God sakes, it worked in the movies!!!!!
Something's not right with SIL's behavior. Anyone willing to hear the answer "no" and completely ignore it and just continue to move on with their plans as if the answer had been yes is something else. I don't trust that lady. Anyone willing to behave this way is surely willing to s**t on people in many other extremely aggressive and probably damaging ways. The OP's brother is in serious danger from this woman (I'm not talking violent, tho I couldn't rule it out). I dunno. I seriously don't trust this woman.
Sounds to me like the younger brother has been taught that the OP, as older brother, will always be there to help him. As the oldest of four, I had that impressed on me at a young age - I was always held responsible for the younger kids, and also was punished when they wouldn't follow the rules set down by our parents.
That is something I work very hard not to do with my oldest.
Load More Replies... Unfortunately, Bro and SIL are going to get into another jam someday, and ambush OP without warning... just ~knock knock~ NEPHEWS!
I suspect he’d be fine about it if it was “a jam”. But a hair appointment?!
Load More Replies... Hell no u r not wrong a no is a no. Even if u wasn't going 2 ur gf art thing u said no. I wouldn't have went anywhere i would have stayed at home & just let her keep knocking hell i wouldn't open the curtains & let her c mr watching tv & ignoring her. And if she got 2 crazy acting i would have call the cops. I would not have left my house like he did u told her no so y hides. And his brother haves a lot of nerve calling him & stared talking crazy 2 him. I wouldn't told him where 2 go & hung up on him. That's what i would have done.
Hair appointments are something you know about at least a single day in advance, that was enough time to ASK him if he could look after the kids, or find alternative methods, not simply assume that he has no life at all and they can drop off their kids at any time they feel like. And then assuming that OP can and would drop everything to babysit. I also have a nephew, I adore him, and would do anything for him, but he's not my responsibility and I had to drill that into my sister when she assumed I'd be constantly available when I'm not working. She has to ask and accept whatever answers I give, just like thus woman should have.
A day? More like a month! There's absolutely no reason she couldn't have given him ample warning, to which he would have said he was unavailable, and she would have had time to find someone else.
Load More Replies... I'm appalled at the SIL and Brothers behavior/ expectations and how they're using their children to hurt younger brother. I can only imagine the garbage they spew as well. The level of entitlement is incredibly strong with those two. It is absolutely not the younger brother's responsibility to 'take care of' SIL and their children while his brother is away. I can absolutely understand asking if an emergency were to arise could they count on him...meaning a true and serious/ desperate emergency but being their on call daycare is absurd and honestly gross to expect. He didn't marry the 4 of them! Get a babysitter, call the grandparents or schedule your apts accordingly. They owe younger brother a Huge apology!
You are not the one who married the pita and your not the father of those kids. You had a prior engagement to attend. Her appoch should have been bil I have a wedding to attend and want to get my hair done. Could we schedule something tomorrow some time that you could sit with the boys for about x amount of time. You'd have said sure
Well, I guess he doesn't have to worry about his SIL demanding he babysit anymore.
this sounds like a job for HER mom to step in for. Or how about the fellow's Mother. Why an Uncle? Had this been a flat tire and no AAA or an emergency of some sort on the part of the prearranged babysitter, ok . but lack of planning on her part does NOT make it an emergency on him.
They may not live near their parents, they may not be alive, they may be estranged, they may not be physically able to care for 2 preschoolers. Lots of explanations for why parents weren't asked. I absolutely agree with everything else you said though. This is the mom's problem, not the uncle's.
Load More Replies... Sometimes the entitlement of people - the ones with super young children - blindsides me. Maybe it's hormones.
Give them a rate of $100/hr per kid and then see what they say. They'll find a different babysitter. OP didn't agree to it, and anytime he ended up doing it, he was coerced. It's not right and OP is/was being taken advantage.
My comment to her and your brother is Get a babysitter. I am not a babysitter. They are your kids, not mine. If you didn't want responsibility for them, you shouldn't have had them. Do not call me and demand that I watch YOUR KIDS. I rarely had my mom and dad watch my kids. I was a SAHM for several years and once they got in school I got a job. Apparently SIL and Brother seem to think they are entitled, they are not. Tell them they are on their own..don't depend on me...ever.
People with kids think their s**t is always more important than anyone else’s. Definitely not TA. In fact, I’d have said much worse.
I feel horrible that OP’s relationship w/ his brother is now strained maybe even ruined b/c of SIL. A haircut is a scheduled appointment that in most cases is made a few days to weeks out, depending on volume of the salon. There should have been no last minute issue with this specific event. I hope OP stands his ground, however tough it might be, and not apologize. He was not in the wrong and if a 30 yr old split the way he did it is clear that he knew that if he had been home she would have dropped the kids off and hightailed it outta there. What is also a$$holish is the brothers actions on this issue. OP stated he never agreed w/ the plan to begin w/ b/c the IL relationship isn’t the greatest. I get being there for major issues but ever day things… get a babysitter for that. Hugs to OP, I truly hope he was able to salvage his relationship w/his brother w/o having to be the one to apologize. Hopefully this issue lead to a more in-depth conversation between the two of them. That said, I want to add the OP’s relationship w/his brother was NOT ruined by OP, it was the brother’s fault. Still I hope things are better, if not, I hope OP was able to move on and live his life.
Wow. I'm afraid as much as I love my family, that relationship would have come to an end rather abruptly after that. People who think you only exist to be a slave to them in their lives whenever or however, are people who need to be cut out of your life, even if they're family. Too bad - he's mad - oh boo hoo!
she made the appointment for a hair cut before she even asked. Not a doctor's appointment, a hair cut. very entitled
Looks like the SIL wears the pants in that family. They both need lessons in boundaries and respect.
You should not have to give up your plans bc your sister in law wants to get her hair done she should take thwm with her. Your brother should have listened to your aide also
Just his luck then she wouldn't show up on time and he'd be stuck with crotch goblins on caffeine and sugar.
Load More Replies... My neighbour couple did this every Saturday. We had newly shifted to that city. I had just quit my job and was at home. The neighbour couple were both highly educated and working 6 days a week with Sunday weekly off. Their only daughter had 5 day school do every Saturday the child was at my place. Child’s all four grandparents were in the same city but me being nearest child was pushed onto our place. Once when I told I had other plans the hubby was quite irritated.
I assume the SIL's sisters wedding wasn't a shot gun wedding which means that she had a lot of time to plan this haircut. Screw her for the mental abuse she and the brother are doing
SIL blew it. A hair cut appt can be rescheduled. She should have checked with him before scheduling the appt for a time he could babysit. Bro blew it too. They're burning bridges work OP, who sounds like he's willing to help when he can. Now, because she tried to manipulate him into giving in to her demands, he might not believe her if there is an emergency and she really needs his help. Bro and SIL need to grow up. Right now, their behaving like they're pre-schoolers.
They need to schedule a sitter. He did the right thing. He's not their servant.
I'll be honest, when my kids were that age I *never* head someone to watch them, so guess what, they came w/ me. NBD. A salon is a place full of women & I've never been to one where there wasn't someone who'd love to hangout w/ a cpl of kiddos for a few mins. I always brought snacks & activities & day their asses down. SIL sounds like an entitled b***h. Good for OP for setting boundaries & putting himself & his relationship first!
People who do not respect your boundaries do not respect you. Period. Repeat it daily.
No. Hair appointments, especially ones for a wedding, are something you make in advance, there is enough time to at least ASK the BIL if he's available, and not assume that it will be a yes every time, not assume that BIL is able to drop everything, REGARDLESS of what it is, and do not assume that people with no kids don't have a life. It would have been different if BIL had agreed to watch kids in advance but then bailed. But that isn't the case here. It was sprung last minute, without being asked.
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