‘She Was Heartbroken’: Parents Got Mad At The Relative Who Gave A 16 Y.O. $50 For The Cake She Baked
“AITA for paying my niece $50 for the birthday cake she made for my son’s birthday?” wonders the Redditor Wagon-1569 on AskReddit. At first glance, the question sounds odd. What is wrong with supporting the 16-year-old’s baking hobby? But here comes yet another family drama in the books, where everyone seems to have their own truth.
“Due to my brother and his wife’s financial situation, Judy dropped out of the cooking academy. She was heartbroken over this especially because she was on top of her class,” the author wrote. So for their son’s 4th birthday, Wagon-1569 asked Judy to bake a cake for $50.
This escalated into a full-blown conflict after Judy’s dad was less than impressed by the author giving his daughter money behind his back. Scroll down through the whole story, and be sure to share your thoughts about this situation in the comment section!
Family conflict ensued after the relative secretly paid her 16 Y.O. niece $50 for the cake she baked
Image credits: Aneta Voborilova (not the actual photo)
And this is what people had to comment about this whole situation
I'm sitting here trying to figure out why the hell her parents are so against her learning to bake, I mean, so irrationally against it that they're forcing her to lose money on it. Why on Earth would anyone be against their kid learning a skill that can be a joy in private life, a part-time way to earn money, a respectable career, a way to own her own business, and all that is something where she likes the work? It makes no sense!
Ikr! And yet they also want her to do baking for free for all sorts of people! If it's a waste of time, wouldn't her baking not be a thing to (imo) 'show off' to the neighbours? (I say imo coz it seems like the 'baking free stuff for neighbours, friends etc' that the parents want her to do is like them boasting about her skills). I guess the tough finances is a point of pride for them, and it's clouding their judgement around their daughter being allowed to accept money for her work, because they perhaps fear her having the same financial pressure on her when she's older, hence pushing on her that the baking is not the right path? I'm just speculating of course 🤷♀️
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I hate to be that person, but I also feel there is a touch of misogyny here? Traditionally women are expected to serve others from the kitchen, but when a woman earns money for that skill or does it for her own enjoyment and pleasure, people can get weird about it. I feel so bad for this kid. She needs to get out from their hateful thumb ASAP.
Oohhh, I hadn't thought about this! Like "YoU mUsT bE iN tHe KiTcHeN" 'Oh, okay, I found out I like it and I could even make a profit out of it!' "Wait, that's illegal"
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Can I adopt her? She can come to my house and she can bake everything and anything she wants. I'll buy all of the ingredients and whatever supplies she needs and I'll help her sell all of it online and I'll even match what she sells so she can continue going to school and so she can learn that having a strong passion for something and being so young is not something to take for granted and if she loves it and she's good at it... it can be worth everything to focus on it. F**k her dad n mom. I'll probably end up being 700 lbs by the time she's in college but it's worth it. Every baker needs a tester!
I hope her parents attitude doesn’t cause her to lose her love of baking. Wish there was some kind of scholarship she could get for the academy.
Hopefully, when she is of legal age, she can take a 1-way ticket out and build her career. She won't need their permission then.
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So she has a career she really wants, and her parents have stopped her from studying for it? And then she does the baking anyway to fund it herself - and they stop that as well and punish her.This is just toxic, overly controlling, horrible "parenting" and that kiddo needs a plan to get the f**k away from them. I think Auntie needs to up her undermining game - let the daughter bake, but auntie can stash the money safely as a fund for college/escape! (My grandma did similar because my parents were against me going to uni - I went regardless)
I read this and I think Aunt read it wrong. I think he wants to stifle the cash flow so she can't pay for schooling she wants. By forcing her to do work free for fam and friends he is trying smash out her dreams. Which is r******d on so many levels.
That's how I interpreted his actions, too. He doesn't want her to bake for money, so he's making her do it for free, so she'll lose money and come to hate the work. God knows why a sane person would do that, it's cruel and pointless. Being a pastry chef is as good a career as any, why would anyone want to prevent their kid from going into that field!
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Too bad your brother and his wife cannot see that they are suppressing a girl from achieving her dreams. You are NTA, but wouldn't it put a hitch in their craw if you got her enrolled and accepted on the Great British Bakeoff.
The family says *HE'S* being generous? *HE'S* not doing s**t except making decisions about the labor of a near-adult. He is literally doing nothing other than saying "Oh, you're creating something of value? And you wish to compensate her for providing that value? Nah, f**k that - I declare it free and you an AH!" F**k that.
This young lady will pay her parents back by the time she is 18 , because she won't forget how they treated her.. If I were this girl I would make arrangements with the aunt to move in with her so she can earn money to finish school and write her parents off. Parents are suppose to expand their children's passions, to help them have a great future. I feel bad for this young lady. I would not bake one cake for anyone in her family and fly away from this environment as soon as she is out of HS.
Screw anyone who actually thinks a skilled family member should be required to do things for their family for free. My niece is a hair dresser. Her father expects to come up to her salon on his own schedule with no appointment and get his hair cut for free. And he is legit pissed when she can't do it. That's her job, you dumbass. It's not all about you. She has yet to cut his hair once. Personally, I make an appointment with her and pay her for her time. Why would anyone do otherwise? Don't let anyone, especially your parents, tell you that your time amd skill is not worth being paid appropriately, even for family. And a family discount should be an offer from the doer, not a demand by the asker.
No wonder her parents are having financial issues..if they are thinking doing things for free at their own expense is smart financial responsibility. Ugh....Judy has it right..you work..you get paid. They are teaching their daughter to so things free and she will end up financially insecure like them!!! Terrible!!!!
Definitely NTA, you are amazing for helping your niece achieve her dreams! Also, I know it's not the actual photo, but the cake in the thumbnail looks sooooooooo good...
NTA. Your brother doesn't see his daughter as his beloved daughter, she's just an ornament in his life to be used and shunted around. He won't listen to what she wants to do, won't recognize what she's good at, actually tries to push her further from her dream goals, then he tries to whore her skills out to people for free and argues AGAINST her making a profit? Dude, what is wrong with those parents? If you're going to be an awesome aunt, invite your niece to come live at your house, encourage her baking, if you have spare cash maybe even try and throw a little family scholarship together to help her get back into school. Either way, she needs to GTF away from her parents, they are intent on holding her back and holding her down under their shoe. HELP HER!
I would've given her the money too... and my family would be mad at me . They'll get over it
The parents don't want her to make money doing what she's passionate for. That's sad. The girl is 16!! Why WOULDN'T you pay someone for making a cake for your kids birthday if you aren't making it? This kid is being raised by over controlling parents.The parents ATA's here.
NTA!! Her parents are forcing her to not charge in an effort to keep her from being able to pay for classes. Tell your niece that the school will be there when she's 18. She can spend the next 2 years planning on where she's going to move to and who might be able to help keep her head above water while she attends her baking school... *cough* Auntie *cough* In the meantime, if someone wants 'free' baked goods, Dad had better cough up the materials!
This is a horrible situation!! Since when is it the role of parents to denigrate their children until they give up on themselves?! Reminds me of my parents. When I said I thought I would like to go to nursing school, my mother accused me of just wanting to see naked men. What is it they do want her to do? It sounds to me as if they are thinking of themselves, not their daughter.
I'm royally pissed and I'm going to be blunt. Bad financial situation and cannot afford an education for your kid? Guess what, you're teaching your kid to make bad financial decisions like you. How are you going to take care of your "family" when you're broke yourself? F**k these parents.
The world needs skilled labour in every aspect of society. We need bakers, cooks, painters and every other talented workers! She is 16yo and already building a client base, wich means she really is talented, getting paid and appreciated! I would not be surprised when the girl turns 18yo she moves to her aunts house, finishes her dream education, starts her own bakery in the aunts garage, becomes rich and famous and charges her dad $50 for every cake he orders! No freebies for destructive-dads!
Judy’s father is an ass. From a professional standpoint he is emotionally abusive. Additionally, he should have to come to his sisters home as well as the rest of his family members and work all day foe free, including all handiwork and housework. Maybe then his hard headed attitude would adjust.
Oh these parents are doing their dead-level best to stop this girl from doing what she wants to do in life! It's going to backfire like hell on them in the end..hahahaha! Good for you Auntie, keep encouraging her and when she is 18 and done with the entire family's BS, you will be there to guide her through the next bit of getting into culinary school. Best wishes to you both!
I would have been mad if people expected my daughter to work for free. Can’t believe these parents and their awful lack of support. Depending on the size and complexity of the cake, even $50 wouldn’t be enough. The cakes my daughter makes sell for hundreds of dollars. It is a specialty item that takes extraordinary amount of time, skill and cost of ingredients. Some people should never get to be parents.
I hope Judy gets out of that house and pursue her passion like she should.
i think I know where parents are coming from. 1) they are prideful and embarrassed for having financial problems. their daughter accepting 50€ for them is accepting charity and they dont need charity. they also boast in front of others with her free baking services to prove it. 2) they care about titles and want their daughter to become a doctor or a lawyer. they dont want her to work fulltime as a baker. so they are discouraging her and throwing obstacles under her knees to prove it is not worth the effort. selfish backward parents
NTA. i had an extended family member that always paid his kids, grandkids to do things for him. eventually, it got to the point that they wouldn't do anything unless he paid them. in my immediate family, we did things for each other w/o any expectation of payment. whenever i would do something for this family member he always offered to pay me & i would refuse because, you know...family. he said it made him uncomfortable not to pay; i told him to get over it & accept it as a gift. it still pains me to know that his kids/grandkids still have their hands out whenever they do things.
The fact that they expect her to do all of this for free sends up a lot of warning flags to me. As clearly a loving Aunt as you are I wonder if there's a spare bedroom in your place for her? I understand if the parents are having financial difficulties but why are they blocking their daughter from making her own money and doing something she clearly loves and is good at? Not everybody is meant to go to university. I wish I knew where this girl was so I could pay her to make me a cake. I really hope she never gives up on her dreams because of her controlling parents.
So yes you are, and no you are not the A Hole. You did disrespect her parents wishes, that is your bad. Her parents sound like controlling idiots and are teaching thier child horrible lessons but, it is thier child. However, paying someone for services rendered and not expecting it for free, is a good thing. Maybe you could pay part of her tution directly next time and then her parents won't know.
I hope, Judy is making school soon, and never look back to those assholes, who are her parents... On the other hand. In civilized countries, you have to make 3 year school in your late teen years, early 20s in a hospitality education school. There you are learning the theory in different branches of hospitality, and you'll chose, which one (front desk, housekeeping, service, kitchen). In the meantime, you'll have to find a place (hotel, restaurant), where you can make your practice/trainee 3 years... which is quite easy to find, and it pays you monthly around 500-600 euro. Which is mostly, the pocket-money for the young people doing this, cos they are living 95% with their parents still.
I know OP won't read this, but … the girl is 16. Invite her to live with your family and do what you reasonably can to encourage her dream.
Can Judy move in with you when she turns 18? The parents don’t want her to have any money or skills because she won’t be dependent.
Good grief, the poor girl. The aunt is awesome, the parents are not just assholes, they are c***s. And I do use that word VERY sparingly. 'acting so entitled' Jesus F*****g Christ!!!
People are stupid, there’s no point in trying to sort through it. Roll over them and move on.
Baking ingredients, good ones, are expensive (butter is 7$ here!); at the very least she must be remunerated for the cost of the ingredients. WHY would parents do this to their daughter?
The parents are making a mistake, this is the start of a business just waiting to happen. It's potentially capitalism at its finest.
The problem is she is technically the AH. She is directly going against a DA rule the parents set. In the end she is not the parent and no matter how asinine the rule is unless it's abuse she doesn't get a say. But sheesh why kill the fun of a kids hobby. I mean did the dudes wife get mad that her childs cooking makes her look bad. Are the parents jealous. I mean yeah this really a ESH post. The only thing is the aunt is doing it from love and the parents from control
Undermining abusive parents makes someone the hero, not the a*****e, and these parents *are* being irrational and abusive. Seriously, I've been there and I know, one of the most important thing anyone can do for a child from an abusive and dysfunctional family is to be the one sane adult in the child's life, be the mentor who shows the kid what sane and reasonable behavior is, because believe me... the kid isn't learning how to act or think like a sane person at home.
Load More Replies... Doesn't pass the whiff test. Was in cooking academy before the age of 16? Parents thought baking for money was taking too much time so they told her to bake for free? Like that takes less time? And why would she ever let the parents know she had that money? Pretty sure this one is made up. Sad. These things start out fun, then just become a new sort of fiction.
Not as strange as it sounds. There are cooking academy evening classes, not sure there's an age restriction on them. Presumably she's baking less when she does it for free, since she's not concerned about getting the highest amount of money. And if the money was for the academy, the parents could have noticed and connected the dots.
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I'm sitting here trying to figure out why the hell her parents are so against her learning to bake, I mean, so irrationally against it that they're forcing her to lose money on it. Why on Earth would anyone be against their kid learning a skill that can be a joy in private life, a part-time way to earn money, a respectable career, a way to own her own business, and all that is something where she likes the work? It makes no sense!
Ikr! And yet they also want her to do baking for free for all sorts of people! If it's a waste of time, wouldn't her baking not be a thing to (imo) 'show off' to the neighbours? (I say imo coz it seems like the 'baking free stuff for neighbours, friends etc' that the parents want her to do is like them boasting about her skills). I guess the tough finances is a point of pride for them, and it's clouding their judgement around their daughter being allowed to accept money for her work, because they perhaps fear her having the same financial pressure on her when she's older, hence pushing on her that the baking is not the right path? I'm just speculating of course 🤷♀️
Load More Replies... I hate to be that person, but I also feel there is a touch of misogyny here? Traditionally women are expected to serve others from the kitchen, but when a woman earns money for that skill or does it for her own enjoyment and pleasure, people can get weird about it. I feel so bad for this kid. She needs to get out from their hateful thumb ASAP.
Oohhh, I hadn't thought about this! Like "YoU mUsT bE iN tHe KiTcHeN" 'Oh, okay, I found out I like it and I could even make a profit out of it!' "Wait, that's illegal"
Load More Replies... Can I adopt her? She can come to my house and she can bake everything and anything she wants. I'll buy all of the ingredients and whatever supplies she needs and I'll help her sell all of it online and I'll even match what she sells so she can continue going to school and so she can learn that having a strong passion for something and being so young is not something to take for granted and if she loves it and she's good at it... it can be worth everything to focus on it. F**k her dad n mom. I'll probably end up being 700 lbs by the time she's in college but it's worth it. Every baker needs a tester!
I hope her parents attitude doesn’t cause her to lose her love of baking. Wish there was some kind of scholarship she could get for the academy.
Hopefully, when she is of legal age, she can take a 1-way ticket out and build her career. She won't need their permission then.
Load More Replies... So she has a career she really wants, and her parents have stopped her from studying for it? And then she does the baking anyway to fund it herself - and they stop that as well and punish her.This is just toxic, overly controlling, horrible "parenting" and that kiddo needs a plan to get the f**k away from them. I think Auntie needs to up her undermining game - let the daughter bake, but auntie can stash the money safely as a fund for college/escape! (My grandma did similar because my parents were against me going to uni - I went regardless)
I read this and I think Aunt read it wrong. I think he wants to stifle the cash flow so she can't pay for schooling she wants. By forcing her to do work free for fam and friends he is trying smash out her dreams. Which is r******d on so many levels.
That's how I interpreted his actions, too. He doesn't want her to bake for money, so he's making her do it for free, so she'll lose money and come to hate the work. God knows why a sane person would do that, it's cruel and pointless. Being a pastry chef is as good a career as any, why would anyone want to prevent their kid from going into that field!
Load More Replies... Too bad your brother and his wife cannot see that they are suppressing a girl from achieving her dreams. You are NTA, but wouldn't it put a hitch in their craw if you got her enrolled and accepted on the Great British Bakeoff.
The family says *HE'S* being generous? *HE'S* not doing s**t except making decisions about the labor of a near-adult. He is literally doing nothing other than saying "Oh, you're creating something of value? And you wish to compensate her for providing that value? Nah, f**k that - I declare it free and you an AH!" F**k that.
This young lady will pay her parents back by the time she is 18 , because she won't forget how they treated her.. If I were this girl I would make arrangements with the aunt to move in with her so she can earn money to finish school and write her parents off. Parents are suppose to expand their children's passions, to help them have a great future. I feel bad for this young lady. I would not bake one cake for anyone in her family and fly away from this environment as soon as she is out of HS.
Screw anyone who actually thinks a skilled family member should be required to do things for their family for free. My niece is a hair dresser. Her father expects to come up to her salon on his own schedule with no appointment and get his hair cut for free. And he is legit pissed when she can't do it. That's her job, you dumbass. It's not all about you. She has yet to cut his hair once. Personally, I make an appointment with her and pay her for her time. Why would anyone do otherwise? Don't let anyone, especially your parents, tell you that your time amd skill is not worth being paid appropriately, even for family. And a family discount should be an offer from the doer, not a demand by the asker.
No wonder her parents are having financial issues..if they are thinking doing things for free at their own expense is smart financial responsibility. Ugh....Judy has it right..you work..you get paid. They are teaching their daughter to so things free and she will end up financially insecure like them!!! Terrible!!!!
Definitely NTA, you are amazing for helping your niece achieve her dreams! Also, I know it's not the actual photo, but the cake in the thumbnail looks sooooooooo good...
NTA. Your brother doesn't see his daughter as his beloved daughter, she's just an ornament in his life to be used and shunted around. He won't listen to what she wants to do, won't recognize what she's good at, actually tries to push her further from her dream goals, then he tries to whore her skills out to people for free and argues AGAINST her making a profit? Dude, what is wrong with those parents? If you're going to be an awesome aunt, invite your niece to come live at your house, encourage her baking, if you have spare cash maybe even try and throw a little family scholarship together to help her get back into school. Either way, she needs to GTF away from her parents, they are intent on holding her back and holding her down under their shoe. HELP HER!
I would've given her the money too... and my family would be mad at me . They'll get over it
The parents don't want her to make money doing what she's passionate for. That's sad. The girl is 16!! Why WOULDN'T you pay someone for making a cake for your kids birthday if you aren't making it? This kid is being raised by over controlling parents.The parents ATA's here.
NTA!! Her parents are forcing her to not charge in an effort to keep her from being able to pay for classes. Tell your niece that the school will be there when she's 18. She can spend the next 2 years planning on where she's going to move to and who might be able to help keep her head above water while she attends her baking school... *cough* Auntie *cough* In the meantime, if someone wants 'free' baked goods, Dad had better cough up the materials!
This is a horrible situation!! Since when is it the role of parents to denigrate their children until they give up on themselves?! Reminds me of my parents. When I said I thought I would like to go to nursing school, my mother accused me of just wanting to see naked men. What is it they do want her to do? It sounds to me as if they are thinking of themselves, not their daughter.
I'm royally pissed and I'm going to be blunt. Bad financial situation and cannot afford an education for your kid? Guess what, you're teaching your kid to make bad financial decisions like you. How are you going to take care of your "family" when you're broke yourself? F**k these parents.
The world needs skilled labour in every aspect of society. We need bakers, cooks, painters and every other talented workers! She is 16yo and already building a client base, wich means she really is talented, getting paid and appreciated! I would not be surprised when the girl turns 18yo she moves to her aunts house, finishes her dream education, starts her own bakery in the aunts garage, becomes rich and famous and charges her dad $50 for every cake he orders! No freebies for destructive-dads!
Judy’s father is an ass. From a professional standpoint he is emotionally abusive. Additionally, he should have to come to his sisters home as well as the rest of his family members and work all day foe free, including all handiwork and housework. Maybe then his hard headed attitude would adjust.
Oh these parents are doing their dead-level best to stop this girl from doing what she wants to do in life! It's going to backfire like hell on them in the end..hahahaha! Good for you Auntie, keep encouraging her and when she is 18 and done with the entire family's BS, you will be there to guide her through the next bit of getting into culinary school. Best wishes to you both!
I would have been mad if people expected my daughter to work for free. Can’t believe these parents and their awful lack of support. Depending on the size and complexity of the cake, even $50 wouldn’t be enough. The cakes my daughter makes sell for hundreds of dollars. It is a specialty item that takes extraordinary amount of time, skill and cost of ingredients. Some people should never get to be parents.
I hope Judy gets out of that house and pursue her passion like she should.
i think I know where parents are coming from. 1) they are prideful and embarrassed for having financial problems. their daughter accepting 50€ for them is accepting charity and they dont need charity. they also boast in front of others with her free baking services to prove it. 2) they care about titles and want their daughter to become a doctor or a lawyer. they dont want her to work fulltime as a baker. so they are discouraging her and throwing obstacles under her knees to prove it is not worth the effort. selfish backward parents
NTA. i had an extended family member that always paid his kids, grandkids to do things for him. eventually, it got to the point that they wouldn't do anything unless he paid them. in my immediate family, we did things for each other w/o any expectation of payment. whenever i would do something for this family member he always offered to pay me & i would refuse because, you know...family. he said it made him uncomfortable not to pay; i told him to get over it & accept it as a gift. it still pains me to know that his kids/grandkids still have their hands out whenever they do things.
The fact that they expect her to do all of this for free sends up a lot of warning flags to me. As clearly a loving Aunt as you are I wonder if there's a spare bedroom in your place for her? I understand if the parents are having financial difficulties but why are they blocking their daughter from making her own money and doing something she clearly loves and is good at? Not everybody is meant to go to university. I wish I knew where this girl was so I could pay her to make me a cake. I really hope she never gives up on her dreams because of her controlling parents.
So yes you are, and no you are not the A Hole. You did disrespect her parents wishes, that is your bad. Her parents sound like controlling idiots and are teaching thier child horrible lessons but, it is thier child. However, paying someone for services rendered and not expecting it for free, is a good thing. Maybe you could pay part of her tution directly next time and then her parents won't know.
I hope, Judy is making school soon, and never look back to those assholes, who are her parents... On the other hand. In civilized countries, you have to make 3 year school in your late teen years, early 20s in a hospitality education school. There you are learning the theory in different branches of hospitality, and you'll chose, which one (front desk, housekeeping, service, kitchen). In the meantime, you'll have to find a place (hotel, restaurant), where you can make your practice/trainee 3 years... which is quite easy to find, and it pays you monthly around 500-600 euro. Which is mostly, the pocket-money for the young people doing this, cos they are living 95% with their parents still.
I know OP won't read this, but … the girl is 16. Invite her to live with your family and do what you reasonably can to encourage her dream.
Can Judy move in with you when she turns 18? The parents don’t want her to have any money or skills because she won’t be dependent.
Good grief, the poor girl. The aunt is awesome, the parents are not just assholes, they are c***s. And I do use that word VERY sparingly. 'acting so entitled' Jesus F*****g Christ!!!
People are stupid, there’s no point in trying to sort through it. Roll over them and move on.
Baking ingredients, good ones, are expensive (butter is 7$ here!); at the very least she must be remunerated for the cost of the ingredients. WHY would parents do this to their daughter?
The parents are making a mistake, this is the start of a business just waiting to happen. It's potentially capitalism at its finest.
The problem is she is technically the AH. She is directly going against a DA rule the parents set. In the end she is not the parent and no matter how asinine the rule is unless it's abuse she doesn't get a say. But sheesh why kill the fun of a kids hobby. I mean did the dudes wife get mad that her childs cooking makes her look bad. Are the parents jealous. I mean yeah this really a ESH post. The only thing is the aunt is doing it from love and the parents from control
Undermining abusive parents makes someone the hero, not the a*****e, and these parents *are* being irrational and abusive. Seriously, I've been there and I know, one of the most important thing anyone can do for a child from an abusive and dysfunctional family is to be the one sane adult in the child's life, be the mentor who shows the kid what sane and reasonable behavior is, because believe me... the kid isn't learning how to act or think like a sane person at home.
Load More Replies... Doesn't pass the whiff test. Was in cooking academy before the age of 16? Parents thought baking for money was taking too much time so they told her to bake for free? Like that takes less time? And why would she ever let the parents know she had that money? Pretty sure this one is made up. Sad. These things start out fun, then just become a new sort of fiction.
Not as strange as it sounds. There are cooking academy evening classes, not sure there's an age restriction on them. Presumably she's baking less when she does it for free, since she's not concerned about getting the highest amount of money. And if the money was for the academy, the parents could have noticed and connected the dots.
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