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Someone Asked “What Are Some Men’s Issues That Are Overlooked?”, And 30 People Delivered
Interview
More often than not, being a man comes with the expectation to act in a certain way. The toxic stereotype of the masculine, macho guy tells us that they are supposed to be strong and unemotional. As a result, thousands of men never speak about their feelings and fight problems like depression, loneliness and low self-esteem in silence.
So when user slowskyincog22 asked to share some men’s issues that are often overlooked, Redditors quickly rolled up their sleeves. The thread went viral, collecting more than 41.8K upvotes and 18K comments and inspiring people to open up about how the male gender is a tough role to play.
Take a look at some of the most illuminating answers Bored Panda has collected from this thread. Make sure to upvote the ones that you agree with and don’t forget to share your thoughts in the comment section below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I am a single father with primary custody of a school-age child with little social support in my area. I was also the stay at home parent while I went back to college and completed my degree.
It is damn near impossible to find good childcare. My female work friends volunteer but then bail at the last minute. I'm looked at as a threat by husbands of my son's classmate parents. I find that I'm often the only guy at the playground and get sideways glances from the cliques of women who go there. If I hire a babysitter I have to make sure I'm overly-cautious about respecting boundaries (if I'm even able to have a babysitter watch my child). Also, the normal competition among female mothers gets amplified and I'm often looked-down on as a parent. I don't fit in with working guys who just want to go out and get a beer because I have a child to take care of and women often reject me on online dating sites simply because I have a child.
I love my son and would do anything in the world for him. I feel like I've done a lot, but men in my situation have zero to little support or infrastructure to manage as a single, full-time parent in society. Men can be just as good parents as women and society needs to normalize this pronto.
Fabian Meresse 3 years ago
Raise this higher please, I'm in the same situation and experience the same issues
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
The irony of the women posting nasty things here is thick. This is why we single dads rarely speak up.
buttonpusher 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah not surprised this got a few backs up. We don't need to be constantly reminded that women do this too and outnumber single dads etc. We know! It's not a competition. Childcare is ridiculously expensive. Some have a good support network of family and friends to help out, some don't. I'm a mother and I keep away from the groups myself. They're like a pack of hyenas.
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Wintermute 3 years ago
When I became the primary care taker for my daughter I noticed that she started missing out on things. The moms in my friend group would always get together with the kids for events, but never asked me to. They'd ask my ex-wife all the time, and I'd even be there for those events, but as soon as she checked out, no more invites. These women are my personal friends and have been for years. Our families are like their families. But for some reason when it comes to parenting, they just don't get the idea of having a dad there without a mom. I can sympathize, I know what our culture is like. But it really irked me that my daughter had to lose out on friendships because the grown ups couldn't figure it out.
Wintermute 3 years ago
And to be fair. Only one or two of the dads would ever even attend the playdates to begin with, so they sure as hell weren't helping. Could have been just as easy to go to the park as a group of dads, but that was like pulling teeth.
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Jo Choto 3 years ago (edited)
I will begin by saying I wholeheartedly agree with this post. But it is interesting to me, that I could easily apply this to everything that women have ever had to do to achieve equality. It was never given to us. We didn't just turn around and say, "We need to be treated equally. We deserve jobs. We deserve to have the same freedoms as men. We want to be able to own and earn the same. We want to be treated well in the workplace." We had to fight and fight and fight and fight to achieve all of these things and we're still fighting. I don't want any single parents of any gender to have to struggle for acceptance or respect, but I can't help feeling that for some men, they have never had to struggle for anything, and they just expect that somehow, the problem will be fixed for them. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that.
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
See the following organisations that fight for fathers' rights: Fathers 4 Justice, Families Need Fathers, Fatherhood Institute, BabyFather, Men United Fathers Network, Fathers4Kids, National Fatherhood Initiative, The Fathers' Rights Movement. The list goes on and on. I assure you that men are fighting hard for their rights as fathers.
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Andre Blue 3 years ago
Same! Couldn't even find any local single or stay-at-home dad groups. Rarely saw another dad on the playground and when I did you could tell it wasn't their normal thing. And I feel you about the side eye. Met some nice artisinal Tibetan or Peruvian nannies though in the bay area. Nice ladies.
Emery Walters 3 years ago
This place (has other groups as well): The National At-Home Dad Networkhttps://athomedad.org
RELATED:
#2
Men who are victims of sexual assault, rape, domestic abuse, male suicide rates, and depression
KatHat 3 years ago
I hope you have some support, Jacob. Sending you love and strength across the internet :)
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Chernobyl Guide 3 years ago
Especially the R*pe part, men often get all the backlash and people dismiss it and say things like “Isn’t that what all guys want?” While the sexual abuser remains almost completely unpunished or even has a petition to not have them punished at all, it needs to change
DKS 001 3 years ago
boys need to be able to grow up knowing they are validated, their crazy ideas and emotions are normal, and expressing them constructively is vital to society
Isaac Harvey 3 years ago
In addition, people should actually listen and respond to them when they complain. Communication goes both ways.
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Matt Tyson 3 years ago
I have mental health issues and where I moved to a few years ago am mocked and demeaned for it. Also, there is very little support around this area for men.
kjorn 3 years ago
i heard so many "feminist" who just don't care of mens problem. they're just: "it's our turn now"
Gingergirl 3 years ago
Read the case of Jari Wise, killed by his partner, in Australia. #justice4jari
We reached out to Rob Whitley, Ph.D., an associate professor in the Department of Psychiatry, McGill University, and the author of Men’s Issues and Men’s Mental Health, to discuss the problems men are facing today.
According to the professor, there can be multiple reasons why these issues are often overlooked. First, there are the harmful stereotypes of men "based on research indicating that people typically attribute significantly more positive and pleasant traits to women than to men."
"One common manifestation of such biased gender stereotypes is the familiar women as victim/men as villain dichotomy, where men are sometimes framed as villainous threats to the social order and women as helpless passive victims, regardless of actual circumstances," he explained.
#3
I saw a woman attempting to hit her boyfriend outside a local supermarket. He walked away from her. She followed him and kept hitting him. After this went on for about 90 seconds he shoved her away roughly once.
2 cars immediately stopped and men jumped out of them shouting at and threatening this guy for shoving her.
Nobody did anything when she was attacking him.
Edit: there are a lot of people commenting that I didn't help him either.
I reported the incident to the security guard. Both the man and the woman were bigger than me. I'm not a big/tough person, there are limits to what I would ever get physically involved in plus when the other people jumped out of their cars they could just as easily have targeted me if I had got involved.
I did what I could without endangering myself.
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
I've seen this on many occasions: girlfriends/wives hitting their partners with no consequence. There is also female violence against men on TV/in movies all the time, which is often portrayed as funny or as female empowerment.
Allan Breum 3 years ago
Yup. This is a major issue. Just ask Johnny Depp what happens when you defend yourself.
Dragonlady 3 years ago
Poor dude. He is my all time favorite actor and only because his wife is the hot red head in aqua man she is not getting fired.
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Sidra Badar 3 years ago
Not to mention the blackmailing, women can always play the victim. It's easier for people to sympathize with women
Lyn Moffett 3 years ago
If she's big enough to hit out she's big enough to get hit back. As a woman I do NOT think it's ok for a woman to attack her partner and expect sympathy when the partner snaps and strikes back. No way would I permit any of my grandsons to hit a woman nor would I permit my granddaughters to hit a man. As a society women are seen as the weaker sex but that's not always the case. Some women,, and men,,, think they can abuse others and nothing will happen. I bet these heroes who jumped out of their cars in defence of her also seen her attack him. What right does she have to hit out and not expect him to snap especially as he was walking away from her as she was attacking him. I know this will anger a lot of people but in all honesty if it was your son being attacked you'd see it differently as men feel shame or embarrassed to report their abuse and that's one of the reasons their female attackers get away with it.
albernistuff 4sale 3 years ago (edited)
This is where the feminist/SJW/cancel culture hypocrites need to step up and start hammering down on WOMENS behaviour in these situations. Giving her a free pass (ie she grew up that way or its an understandable reaction to our patriarchal society) is in no way acceptable. If such women are not held accountable, then you are demeaning the claims of women who have been REAL and VALID victims. If you are a feminist/SJW you should be fighting to end Amber Heard's career just as hard as you tried to end Johnny Depp's
Neill Powell 3 years ago
Unless I with my wife, or another friend, I ignore any woman not immediately needing assistance or a specific courtesy.. No eye contact, no greeting, nothing... Too dangerous in my country
#4
So I'm at the park playing tag with these kids I'm babysitting and out of nowhere this old lady comes up to me and starts asking all sorts of questions. Do you know these kids? What are there names? Can you call their parents for me? Even asking the kids if they knew me and when they answered yes, she responded with "you don't have to lie, if you don't know this man, you can tell me and I can help you.
Harri Ellis 3 years ago
I was a Daddy's girl, and he took me anywhere I wanted to go. Even wrestling matches because I asked him to. He let me help when he did maintenance stuff in the house, or on his car. When I was older I realized that him letting me "work" was more of a hindrance than a help, but he never complained. BTW, this was in the late 50's and early 60's. I miss you Daddy.
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
Your Dad sounds like a great man. I let my son help me with DIY. It's superb for bonding, and he loves doing it. But I can confirm that he is definitely more of a hindrance lol.
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Nayeliz Ramos 3 years ago
theres a similar story on dhar man when a black woman takes care of a white child
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
I had health issues as a child, and both of my parents worked. They hired the best woman for the job, and because I took to her immediately. She happened to be black. No one dared to say anything, especially if they had school aged kids. We lived in a very small town, and at least 80% of those kids would have my mother as a teacher.
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De Gueb 3 years ago
I help a young boy about 12y/o find his lost dog around the dunes area near my house. I'd seen the the dog with his mother and spoken to her in the past but didn't know her name. They boy was crying, on his own looking for his dog and it was getting dark. My dog and his dog had played together before so I thought if we walked around eventually his dog would join us. By now it's dark but luckily I had a torch with me. I called my GF to say I'd be late and he aske to use my phone to call his mum , she didn't answer. After about 20 mins found the dog and I walked him home. About an hour later, I'm at home and my phone rings, it's the mum. I thought she was going to thank me, noooooo she call me all sorts, pervert..... stay away from my son.......shouting, I'll tell everyone about you, I know dirty bastard like you......she threaten the police if I ever went near her son again.
Richard Portman 3 years ago
Yes, they think we are going to take them off to our basement and rape them before we cut their throats and eat them. I don't talk or play with children because of this. I don't want to fool around with these xians. It is crazy.
Andre Blue 3 years ago
Never happened to me thank god, but I always had the feeling on the playground that it could/would at some point. I'd be one of the few parents actively playing with my kid and it wouldn't be a minute before we had 10 more. Poor kids were starved for some parental attention. It's heartbreaking to have these kids trying to joy hug me sometimes (how do you say no to that?!) and to have to feel weird about it just because I'm a guy.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
I wonder if there is a difference depending on what country your in?
M Calad 3 years ago
Same in Norway. It's just normal to see dads pushing strollers, playing on playgrounds with their kids or eating with them in cafes. It's so normal that it makes no difference if it is a single mom or a single dad. All you see is a parent with his/her kid(s).
Load More Replies...Then, there’s the gender empathy gap: "A relatively new phrase that refers to variations in public and private empathy towards men and women, with women typically receiving more empathy than men, even when controlling for situational factors."
Finally, we have the male gender blindness, "A tendency to overlook or ignore issues, inequities and disparities disproportionately experienced by men and boys in governments, health services and other institutions."
Rob Whitley told us that the current approaches to men’s mental health need to change because they "too narrowly focus on the singular concept of masculinity." Plus, they sometimes take an "unhelpful blaming and shaming accusatory approach by suggesting that men's mental health woes are due to alleged male deficits such as stubbornness and silence."
#5
The miserable Paternity leaves. Cause what man wants to spend time with his new born kid and a recovering wife right ! ಠ_ಠ
Bart 3 years ago
Unfortunately not everywhere, when both of my kids were born the legal paternal leave was 2 working days. I live in Switzerland and my kids are 3 and 1. Last year they changed it to 10 working days, still ridiculous but at least a bit better...
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Bob Belcher 3 years ago
What paternity leave?!?! We don't have any for dads in America. When my daughter was born I took 3 weeks of vacation time off and had to confirm it multiple times. My employer, Travelers Insurance, kept asking why I wanted to take such a large lump of time off all at once. So we came to a compromise. I took a week off, worked a week, took a week off, worked a week etc.
Merja Järvinen 3 years ago
Here in Finland paternity leave is 9 weeks. Father can use 18 days same time as mother is on maternity leave (105 days) and use the rest of the days after that. After these days there are 158 days of parental leave altogether, which can be used both of the parents in turns or only one of them.
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
Shared parental leave is a much better idea, then the parents can split it however they want. Most forward thinking UK companies have shared parental leave options (I’m sure it’s also standard in many other countries).
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
Yes! In the UK, fathers get two weeks paternity leave. TWO WEEKS! We're allowed to use the mother's maternity leave, but she needs that time to recover and to breastfeed (if she chooses/is able to).
Matthew Fox 3 years ago (edited)
What paternity leave? In the US you can take up to 26 weeks for FMLA... BUT it's up to the company if they want to pay you and guess what? No one will pay, regardless of gender. Parental leave is almost nonexistent here.
PADNA 3 years ago
EU has mandatory leave for BOTH parents: one is longer than the other. Parents are free to choose which one takes which. The duration of said "vacation" varies from country to country, minimal being 2 weeks. Just pick a country and leave. Usually it takes 9 months of active employment to be assured of these social security measures.
#6
Loneliness. Many men tend to have a lot of friends, but never close friends or people they feel like truly care about them, which leads to declining mental health, and maybe worse.
Troy Allen 3 years ago
I am a 40 year old man with no family or friends, and don't have to leave home for income. I have Aspergers and an extremely high IQ but my life is extremely miserable!
Load More Replies... DKS 001 3 years ago
I'm a 56 year old woman. I never had a close friendship. I don't know why other than that I come across as more masculine than feminine. I don't know nor do I care at this point in my life. But it would've been nice to have.
Bob Belcher 3 years ago
I'm a 37 year old male. I don't recall ever having anyone I considered a "friend" after high school other than my wife. I have peoplenI know, people I work with, people I see from time to time. But that's about it.
Load More Replies... Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
I had really s**t "friends" until I was 21. My good friends that followed made me so much happier and relaxed. I was lucky.
Barbara Skolly 3 years ago
Its believed this is part of the reason married men live longer and die soon after their wives unless they remarry. That men, especially from past generations often did not form close bonds with their male friends and their wives were their confidantes
LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
It's true. My dad and my husband work in the same company, my husband isn't social at all and has little in common with him and when I asked why, his response was "your dad used to be the man in charge before stepping down, but many people either hate him or are afraid of him, nobody wants to talk to him anymore. It costs me nothing to spend my lunch hour with him to make sure thar even for one hour a day he isn't lonely." My dad has been sliding farther and farther into depression as time has gone on. I think only 4 people are keeping him here now.
El muerto 3 years ago
the bigger ironi, being a d**k about somebody's issues while playing the higher ground...probably expects everybody to constantly cater for her need while making everybody else the villain...what would be the word...gaslighting? gatekeeping? or both?
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"In fact, less than 50% of people with a mental illness use formal mental health services, with service-utilization rates significantly lower in men compared to women, even when controlling for the presence of mental disorder," the professor added. "This underutilization has typically been attributed to harmful masculine norms that lead to a dysfunctional silence and stubbornness among men with mental health issues."
However, this explanation ignores several relevant factors. First, there is a high degree of stigma in workplaces, the family and elsewhere "that can deter men from using formal mental health services and breaking the silence."
#7
"Sorry man, we can't arrest her just because you have bruises and endless death threats. The prosecutor won't even file. It's really shi**y, buddy, we know. You can't go back to your house. She's established residency and only a judge can order her to leave your property."
I didn't believe the guy. The police confirmed it for me. Poor dude. I didn't even know we had this much power. The only option to get the person out of your house is a month-long process in court. A process she must LEGALLY be notified of. While she barricades you out of your own home...destroying everything in your name.
That's real sh*t. Most guy's won't go on TV like we will to tell the story. Sorry, dudes. We have a lot of power.
Bob Stuart 3 years ago
I got in big trouble with the Police for even expecting protection from my ex.
Nimitz 3 years ago
Survived an attempted murder by a woman. She pled innocent blond girl with a drinking problem, was convicted, and was sentenced to supervised visits with her child. Her attempting to slash my throat with broken glass resulted in time served, that is to say, one night in jail. Holding a door closed, while a psycho tries to hack her way through, so people can get the baby to safety... One night in jail.
buttonpusher 3 years ago
Woman in my country got jailed the other day for making her ex's life hell. Creating fake accounts, blaming him, getting police involved. All got exposed in the end, name and pic published. And ofc jail term not long but at least everyone knows who she is now.
Barbara Skolly 3 years ago
Probably varies by region. In my area women get charged for intimate partner violence or harassment regularly
De Gueb 3 years ago
I was handcuffed and taken to the station because my GF accused me of bashing her. She had got into a fight with someone else (she was still living at my place but not as a couple) Luckily I had been at a after hour club where lots of people, including the cops knew me. When I tried to report her for false testimony, they told me it was a waste of time.
Helen Haley 3 years ago
History of domestic abuse to women with absolutely no financial out and knowing that the children were considered his property and she'd automatically lose them, that is what led to this.
Natalie Bohrteller 3 years ago
One wrong doesn't make the other wrong right. Both are problems that need to be dealt with equal sincerity.
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Matthew Fox 3 years ago
Remember in The Office when Michael and Jan had the dinner party and Jan went nuts and the cops were called? The most unrealistic thing ever to happen on that show was the cops showing up and not immediately arresting Michael.
Gigantor the Bog Monster 3 years ago
I am a very large man, it doesn't matter what the story is or what really happened. If cops show up, I am immediately targeted as the aggressor, even if I am a witness and have nothing to do with it.
Robyn Baker 3 years ago
Women have to jump through hoops to have protection as well. No protection from a rapist until his is proven guilty, this can take over 5 years while the woman lives in fear everyday that he may come back.
LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
I hate to say this... but the article is about what problems men face. We know what you commented is a problem, but that doesn't lessen the problem a man faces if he needs help as well.
Load More Replies... #8
The entire child custody/child support system.
Nimitz 3 years ago
Speaking from experience, a huge problem with the system is that there's no checking up after custody has been awarded past a few months. Divorces that award full custody usually mean things were bad and change needed to happen. However, the person who gets custody can change and become a new, even worse monster, and no one comes to help the kids again
Lyn Moffett 3 years ago
I truly believe that if a woman deliberately stops their ex partner from seeing their children then they should not expect the male to pay child support to them. Maybe they should be allowed to open some sort of account where the money paid for the children actually gets used for the children. Too many women out there get new partners and the dads are not allowed to see their kids while their child support is used on fake hair false eyelashes nights out etc. If they get into a relationship with another guy who actively helps her stop the children's dad from seeing them then let them fkn support them. Bet they wouldn't stay around too long. Too many men have to pay for kids they never see it's a fkn disgrace
Synsepalum 3 years ago
Custody is usually granted to the parent that does most of the child rearing. If you want custody of your children, do more child rearing. Don't leave it to women until you need something out of it.
Pisco 3 years ago
Completely false. Most custody agreements are done outside of court. Men on average dont do their share of housechores or child rearing so when divorce comes they dont want custody. In the few cases there it goes to court the custody is given to the most reliable parent. Usually the mother since she was doing the child caring.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
This is so false... so incredibly false and blatantly sexist. You are part of the problem with your 1950's thinking.
Load More Replies...Whitley continued that men in mental distress may fear that emotional disclosure and seeking help "can severely damage their employment status, future job opportunities as well as familial relationships. This can negatively affect their job retention, promotion prospects and career advancement."
It is for this reason men "may make a calculated cost-benefit analysis, deciding that the social costs of using services and breaking the silence outweighs the potential mental health benefits."
There’s also evidence that suggests that the formal mental care system can be unwelcoming for men, "and typically suffers from male gender blindness" since there are only a "few formal services devoted specifically to men’s mental health."
#9
Abuse from women/other men. We're told to just take it and toughen up, it builds character, puts hair on the chest etc. and we don't need support or a helping hand. F**k that.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
I was told this by my dad. I'm female. I identify as a hetero woman. It didn't put hair on my chest, but it did give me some great frigging PTSD.
Richard Portman 3 years ago
It will put hair on your chest! That was the first time i began to doubt. I'm a kid, i don't want hair on my chest.
Load More Replies... LivingTheDream 3 years ago
Especially in younger years and school. Alcohol and drug addiction is much higher in men. It's starts out as a great coping mechanism but eventually makes in incredibly difficult to recover. This is compounded by not wanting to get therapy or even mention the issue because "Sucking it up and dealing with it" is what started the cycle
Chernobyl Guide 3 years ago
I feel I need to carry a pocket knife around purely because of this exact situation
Arthur Waite 3 years ago
Heaven help you if you ever take it out. The Law is *not* on your side.
Load More Replies... #10
Emotional abuse of men. My BF suffered that in both his marriages and I am SO CAREFUL to not say or do anything that could make him feel the way they made him feel. I try very hard to be sure he knows I value him for who he is, just the way he is, every single day. Even he doesn't know how much damage they caused him.
I will never get over this 1950s assumption that women can't abuse men. Women abuse men way more often than anyone realizes, and the system is stacked against men in so many different ways.
To the men who have been emotionally abused, I am so sorry, and I would encourage all of you to seek therapy. It really does help. To the women who love them: don't stop loving them.
Allan Breum 3 years ago
I think that the misconception stems from the fact that men can physically dominate women (usually), so when they abuse their partners, they tend to use physical abuse. Women tend to use emotional abuse, and that is difficult to spot. I mean, a bruised eye is easy for everyone to see, a bruised soul is not.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
It breaks my heart every time I hear about how badly some men are treated by the person who supposedly loves them. Emotional abuse against women is very prevalent as well, but at least people seem to talk about it more.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
"Happy wife is a happy life" is one of the most abusive things I ever hear in marriages. Your dreams, friends and ideas are unimportant. Keep her happy, no matter the emotional cost, or she will make you miserable. I'm willing to bet far more men and up "In the dog house", "on the couch" or "aint getting none tonight" than women getting physical punishment.
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
I watched my dad go through this with my mom. She was very emotionally abusive to him. He was such a good husband to her. He took so much $*!+ off of her. He was raised in a very abusive household. People have said that it was peace at any price. Folks, there was no peace. I think what it was that considering his childhood circumstances and how at 15 years old he was either going to kill his father that last night, or get his mom and little brother out of there, which was his choice, I think he kept it together for what he might have done, and then where would I be. But it's pretty amazing what one can forgive. She made a lot of changes and she stopped being anything like that. He forgave her. I forgave her and we had a great three musketeers life after that. But she had to make the changes herself and address everything as a family. The light bulb had to really want to change. Otherwise, get the hell out of there.
Dave 3 years ago (edited)
I was in the army for 16 years, I am a writer now. I am still single, never married and have no kids. I have PTSD and I am dealing with it. I never had any actual support from anyone, not my partners, not from the army, when I asked to see a professional. I am not even going to go into the alcohol-filled childhood and my father's view of parenting. Relationships, there is a reason I have no kids and I have never married, I was always judged by the women I dated or was in a relationship with, it would end up as them being mothers to my child, which I would fight and lose. They were certainly unfit to be mothers. So in the end, I stopped dating, because I prefer to enjoy life and its small pleasures without toxicity.
Lastly, men often prefer a more informal action-based approach. However, Whitley mentioned that these are not readily available in the formal mental health care system "which typically proceeds on a 'one-size-fits-all' approach."
"All this has contributed to the growing popularity of informal action-based interventions such as men’s sheds, which are a promising and innovative practice that incorporates many essential elements of a male-friendly approach."
#11
Height is a common thing to joke about, nobody sees a problem with it but it can really whittle away at your self worth when people always make fun of you for it
Helen Haley 3 years ago
I don't want to date a girraffe. If I have to get a step stool to kiss you, I just can't. Give me average or same height as me. My grandpa was all of 5'5 and one of the best men to ever exist. Height isn't everything, the people making fun of your height are morons.
Gingergirl 3 years ago
6’10” man dates my 5’6” daughter. She obviously doesn't judge on appearance, unlike some…
Load More Replies... LivingTheDream 3 years ago
Dating sites... SO many women put a height requirement in their profile. Yet if a man lists mandatory physical requirements he is a douchebag.
ZombieGirl 3 years ago
I think "must be at least 5"5" is a little different than "must be 32DD". I think with tall women, they can feel insecure about their height and want to date someone as tall or taller so they don't stand out when walking next to their date. But I do agree with you on the sentiment that double standards suck
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Ben Steinberg 3 years ago
On average, short men and overweight women get less respect. It's a sad fact.
Scarlett 3 years ago (edited)
I mean, I’m a tall girl, so I’d personally prefer a taller person since I’m so used to towering over my short friends and feeling awkward? IDK, 5’10 would be fine for me (I’m 5’8)
Guido Pisano 3 years ago
In Italy we have the "L" rule - that is a way to say that short men compensate in another way...
angry_waffle 3 years ago
whats the point of only being tall, variety is the spice of life after all
V 2000 3 years ago (edited)
It's terrible trying to date someone too, when it almost looks like everyone around you is taller 😕😟😞😭
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
Agreed. It's the same as making fun of a woman for small (or big) boobs.
Jenný Samúelsdóttir Herlufsen 3 years ago
I'm 162cm and my hubby is 170cm (5'4 and 5'7 for UStards)! Wouldn't change it for the world! The perfect hight for a hug!
#12
There are almost always more shelters available to women experiencing homelessness. In my city, the split is about 75% beds for women and children and 25% for men.
I understand that society considers women more vulnerable, but I live in a city where it routinely gets below zero in the winter. Hypothermia doesn't care about your gender.
Beth L 3 years ago
Not sure where this person lives, but around here there are whole giant dormitory buildings for men, and no resources for women unless they've become homeless due to domestic violence.
Jennifer Millner 3 years ago
When I was homeless, the only shelters in that city were for men. The only option for women was a Christian shelter that forced you to attend bible studies about how evil women are. And drug and alcohol treatment? Please. 1 bed for women to every 10 for men. Not saying men don't have issues, but in this area, it wasn't my experience.
Jo Choto 3 years ago
This is not true at all. In the city where I lived, there was only a men's cold shelter. There was absolutely nothing for women or children.
Barbara Skolly 3 years ago
Often there are homeless shelter for men in my region but no male shelters that are the equivalent of women's abuse shelters. A group of men were rescued from a human trafficking situation (slave labour, not sex work) and the only place to house them was in a homeless shelter that was full of addicts
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
If you want to displace kids so you can get into the shelter ----- I don't care about your sex, either. Address homelessness, address poverty, address why *children need that shelter*.
just me 3 years ago
What about the homeless dad with a kid? Your kid can come in (alone, unprotected) but you can't because it's more important a woman gets a spot (with or without children). I agree that the housing crisis must be addressed, but jumping to the "it's an attack on the kids" mentality bothered me.
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Lou Lopez 3 years ago
This has more to do with the population demographics than anything else. A lot of homeless women have been assaulted, or are fleeing abuse- fewer men are and they're more likely to feel safe sleeping outdoors. The real issue in the end here is lack of adequate resources, not who gets what.
Martha Meyer 3 years ago
This is abolsutely not the case here in Germany. Almost all shelters are for men, there are barely any for women. And I've certainly never heard of shelters for children at all.
Natalie Bohrteller 3 years ago
Considering that most homeless people are men (apparently 80% in developed countries), it does make sense to have more shelters available for them. A separate problem is whether we generally offer enough shelters, for either men or women or children.
Load More Replies...We also contacted Timothy Wenger, the founder of The Man Effect. According to him, "There are many influencing factors as to why men are often silent when they are struggling emotionally."
"I find that it is highly dependent on the macro and micro social settings that one is raised in," he told Bored Panda. When it comes to the micro, this could range from the family setting you grow up in, your parental figures, or friends.
"From a macro perspective, how does your society as a whole perceive a man who is not mentally perfect?" Wenger asked. "Assessing those types of influences can reveal a significant amount of insight into one's own life if the time is taken to do a self-assessment."
#13
Society doesn't seem to support a man who is without a job. There is pressure and programming for a male to be a breadwinner and no sympathy for when they want to be a house-dad.
Reason for my rant: My brother left a job due to a health issue. He has a 4yr old boy. His wife makes better money than him and they are financially secure. He worked too much which probably led to the health issue. I told him to take his time and heal. If he felt that urge to 'provide' that he could take over the house duties and give the nanny the summer off to connect with his son. I shared with him that I had been laid off a few times and each time I rushed back to getting a job even though we were secure enough because of the guilt I felt everyday of not 'providing'. He took the advice, I could see him smiling more, he started a garden with his boy, he cooked every meal and realized he loved to cook. I was happy to see him being happy again. Enter my brother's wife who says to us, "I'm the only bread winner now. I am so stressed out having to provide for this family by myself." I saw the happiness drain from him and anxiety filled that place. He is now set to start the same job he had prior just appease the guilt he has from not 'earning'. The guilt was confirmed by his wife's statement on top of the male programming of not contributing unless he is making money.
TLDR: Men don't need to be pressured to earn or be the bread winner. Society has already told us we are not contributing unless we are making money.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
That's such a sad story and I wish the point wasn't true. I think it has gotten somewhat better-there are more stay at home dad's now, but it should be even. There is no need for the stigma.
April W 3 years ago
I think it’s wonderful for a dad to stay at home and raise kids. I don’t want to jump to conclusions though. Maybe they were living paycheck to paycheck and that put a lot of anxiety on his wife. She’s allowed to share her anxieties too. I’m a single mother and the stress is real. He didn’t have to go to the same job he left to contribute. He could find a less stressful job or a part time job.
#14
Insecurity in general. You’re not supposed to show that you have doubts or worries about your abilities or self-image. A man is supposed to be confident, able and self-assured. It’s not okay for men to admit that they lack self-esteem, or that they have genuine problems with their self-image, as they are seen as weaknesses in-and-of themselves.
Other men or women aren’t going to ‘bring you up’. They won’t provide emotional support and tell you it’s okay to be unconfident or to feel shame about who you are - they will simply expect that you should take it on the chin. Not everyone can be ‘that’ guy.
But, for a man, what actually makes you feel like a man is being that guy.
So you kind of walk around pretending that you’re happy, despite the fact that you’re not seen as valuable or as desireable as other men - because in doing so, you would be seen as even less valuable or desireable.
TL:DR; If you feel like sh*t and are insecure, it’s bad; but if you display that you feel like sh*t and are insecure - it’s even worse.
F**k. I’ve never really been able to put that feeling into words before, but that felt insanely good to get off my chest.
Jasper Cool 3 years ago
This is part of why counseling or group therapy is so important. Men are less likely to seek mental health help and more likely to rely on a female partner for mental health support and we need to normalize guys being able to be real about this with eachother and to seek help generally. Where I live its still common for grown men to call boys girly or babies for crying. I'm raising my kiddo to hopefully know it's ok not to be an emotionless robot and that he can be real with his guy friends and seek professional help if need be. That's just too much pressure to have to go through life never showing weakness.
Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
i understand this one i had to bottle up all my feelings until i met my gf i feel like i can tell her everything and we get togther just soo fine i love her o much and im glad to have someone listen to my problems just like i do to hers
Gigantor the Bog Monster 3 years ago
You need to re evaluate your friend circle. I have 2 very close friends, I am a 47 year old white man and my best friends are 49 and 51 both white men. We have no problem sharing our feelings with each other.
If we want to seek change, Wenger suggested that an "amazing way to positively encourage men that their struggles are normal is to facilitate conversations on this topic between young men and those whom they look up to."
He would like to remind you that you are not alone: "Depression, anxiety, or simply feeling nothing are all things others have experienced and if it is something you want to overcome, a great place to start is seeking professional help from a therapist or psychologist."
#15
Radicalisation. Joja Rabbit is such a sweet film about this. There are a lot of young, lonely and understandably angry men and boys who are targeted by extremist groups into that kind of failsafe ideology. You can almost see it happening.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
Living isolated and in constant conflict with your peers makes joining a group so enticing for comradery and protection. I was fortunate enough to fall into the Heavy Metal community in the early 80's. We may look scary and mean but most of us will welcome anyone into our community with open arms. \m/(>,<)\m/
Richard Portman 3 years ago
Almost! We see it happening. It is not almost thing. Give these poor boys a badge, a uniform and a gun and a club house and they think they finally have found friends. This is not their fault.
Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
joja rabbit? isnt that were the boys imaginary freind is Adolf Hitler
#16
Crushing, black, empty, cold, never-ending, screaming-into-the-void loneliness and everyone's casual shrug when I even hint about it.
Just work, pay taxes, walk the dog, keep your mouth shut, don't have feelings, don't be short, try to keep up appearances of virility, and never, ever, whatever you do, don't let anyone know how lonely you are because they'll just sort of awkwardly giggle and change the subject.
Allan Breum 3 years ago
And, to show weakness as a male is death, metaphorically speaking.
Load More Replies... LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
It's this kind of expectation of society for new that leads most of them to depression and suicide. My own father feels this way. I didn't notice till a year ago and I'm hoping I'm not too late to help.
Aeon Flux 3 years ago
It is not the same with women, Heather, and I'm pretty sure you're aware of that.
Load More Replies...Timothy Wenger added that the topic of men's mental health and emotional intelligence is something that needs more publicity and normalization: "I have had men of all ages reach out to me about a wide variety of struggles and oftentimes they just want to be heard. I always encourage them to find a friend to open up to and also to seek professional help if possible."
#17
Men are frequently treated as expendable.
Even in countries with mingled militaries, men are the overwhelming majority of combat troops and thus casualties. Not to mention pretty much all child soldiers are male.
If you are male been the ages of 14-60 and happen to be anywhere near a combat zone, even if it's your own backyard, you are considered a "military age male" and a possible target.
News media regularly says things like "100 killed including 14 women and children" as if the other 86 men don't matter as much.
Something like 90% of all workplace injuries and fatalities are male. Whether men seek out more dangerous jobs or only men are selected for those jobs is debatable.
Pisco 3 years ago
They dont see men as expendable. They see women as uncapable. Thats why they arent recruited. Not to save us.
Bob Belcher 3 years ago
Dude no and stop belittling the statement. Don't you see what this whole thread is about??? There are plenty of jobs where they won't accept men at all. I tried to be a teacher for a year, applied for 8 different districts around Houston and not once got a call back. When I was younger I applied as a receptionist at several local spas, doctors offices and businesses. Several times I was told no because the first thing a visitor wants to see is a female, not a man. Seeing a man would make them uncomfortable. What bullshit is that.
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Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
I've noticed that about news headlines. If there are male victims, they are referred to as "people/person" e.g. "15 people died in house fire".
Frannie Kaplan 3 years ago
Most militaries ergo kost societies believe women can not oerform well in combat situations and therefore never bother sending them on the front lines.
Tracy Wallick 3 years ago
In fairness, women are still fighting for the right to serve in combat positions; it's predominantly men who keep it from happening.
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
And where's that strain that sends the women into danger?
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Danielle Keller 3 years ago
Hi helen, OP said "treated as expendable". Meaning it wasn't self inflicted. Let's talk about the stunts in another post aight. :)
Load More Replies... #18
The consequences of body shaming, it has the same effect on men as it does women. No one likes to be insulted, no matter who you are. Just because we are a different sex, does not mean our minds are so vastly different that we react differently to even the most basic of things. SOME women think we are emotionless, meant to serve them. Sorry if I had worded this wrong.
Bob Belcher 3 years ago (edited)
Love the body positivity movement for women. How about we start recognizing that with men too. Not every superhero has six pack abs and is 6'2"
#19
If you ever bring up male-centered issues in conversations with women, it always turns into "well at least you don't have it as bad as women." or "well women deal with X, so why are you complaining?" or my personal favorite "Yeah, well then change it, it only happened because the patriarchy."
El muerto 3 years ago
sometimes in the women vs men issues is like seeing siblings fight over stuff. "why did he/she get more?" mentality. is like because on side get something the other loses somehow. there are cases that this is true. but more often is just because we listen to this person, doesn't mean we taking away anything from you...and people will just keep bickering like siblings over cake.
Got Myself 4 Dwarves 3 years ago
I totally agree - I find it exhausting on both sides. It's not a competition to who has it worse. At the same time I find it really quite frustrating when people of all genders just decide to wallow in whatever situation they're in and won't help themselves. Yes, I get it's hard to do, trust me I know better than most, but you can't wait around for someone to come fix everything for you because that will never happen. I'm really not being callous when I say that, but it is the reality. We'e all so concerned about what other people think of us that we literally suffer because of it and it's really not worth it. I can only go by my own experience but when I opened up about my depression/mental health and physical health then overwhelming response was support - yeah I lost some "friends" along the way - which I now see as something that needed to happen for me to heal. It's ok to put ourselves first, it's essential that we do and everyone deserves a happy life
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Pezor Zass 3 years ago
i've been dismissed and shut down lots of times by this. there's this notion that if men have pain, it's either nothing compared to everyone else's, so shut up about it, or else it's their own fault because men are the ones who cause pain in the first place, so shut up about it.
Pink kitty 3 years ago
I'm sorry that people won't acknowledge what you say /feel. I hope you find someone who takes the time to listen instead of just dismissing you
Load More Replies... Huddo's sister 3 years ago
My stepdad had issues with this because he worked in the female dominated field of education. He said the lunches in the staff room were dreadful, so much man bashing etc.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
If you disagree with this, please read the comments form all the above sections and then kindly STFU
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
I once heard a guy say that being a men's rights activist is like being a neo nazi. You'll never get support from the mainstream, and your causes will never get traction.
Carlotta Müller 3 years ago
Men do have the privilege. So yes, they have it much better than women.
Tracy Wallick 3 years ago (edited)
From the female perspective, I think it often just comes down to compassion fatigue. When battling misogyny all day every day in so many aspects of our life, it doesn't leave a whole lot of energy to care about other issues, especially those of the demographic who we see as 'having it better'.
Aeon Flux 3 years ago
You're literally doing what this post calls out, Tracy.
Load More Replies... Got Myself 4 Dwarves 3 years ago
On the flip side you have the dudes who only bring up mens issues to discount a statement made by a woman, happens every single time - there are shitty people on both sides but the statement is true for both sides, if there's something you need to change in your life then do something about it. It could be just starting a local mens Facebook group to talk to people going through similar, arrange meet ups, talk about how you can make changes and grow from there. You might not be able to change the world but I'm sure you could improve it for enough men for it to be worth the effort. And same for the ladies too.
Scagsy 3 years ago
Wow. You make that sound breathtakingly simple. Depression, enlarged prostate, insufficient access to your kids? Just do something about it. Organise a group. Arrange meet-ups. Nobody's asking you to change the world. Really? When I'm struggling with my mental and physical health, getting out of bed and putting clothes on is an achievement. I'm certainly not in position to organise coffee mornings and pilates for anyone else nearby who might be having a hard time.
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#20
Male disposability. If something is dangerous, send men. Your partner can replace you easily. Your only value is what you offer to other people and the minute you are not useful anymore people cast you aside like the fungible commodity you are. I would like to be treated like I have inherent value as a person, not like I’m something to be tolerated until I’m no longer useful.
Crystal Barkhauer 3 years ago
You are worthy of love and praise. You are a living being filled with thoughts and emotions. I am so sorry that you feel like you are disposable. I see that this society has us all feeling unworthy of our lives. Sending those who need it (even if they think they don’t) virtual hugs.
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
This is perfectly demonstrated by the alarming statistic that men make up 93% of work-related fatalities.
Allan Breum 3 years ago
"I would like to be treated like I have inherent value as a person, not like I’m something to be tolerated until I’m no longer useful." Never work retail then...
Carlotta Müller 3 years ago
This is exact what men think about women. So where is the point? Women are the ones without inherent value and without seen as persons by men.
#21
Isolation. I've felt this myself, and I've done some reading about it. Men tend to become more isolated and lonely as they get older. After a certain point they don't make an effort to gain friendships and tend to shy away from any type of social engagement. I feel this way, because as of right now, I don't have a close male friend. At least not someone I can talk to about things going on with me personally. I know a lot of people, but I'm less and less engaged with them as each year passes. It concerns me as of late, because I don't want to end up a hermit, but without a solid relationship, I could see myself headed this direction in my older years.
Void Boi 3 years ago
I'm in a very similar spot. I stopped drinking about 4 years ago and every male friend that I hadn't already alienated disappeared. I'm married to a wonderful woman, have 3 great kids and an honestly really good life, but I am so alone. It's crushing sometimes to feel like I have no close bonds outside of my immediate family. I don't want this to be the rest of my life.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
Are there men's sheds/organisations or friendship clubs in your area? We have ones near me that meet up for scrabble or woodworking etc in a view to a casual hang out leading to friendships, particularly as they age. My dad has never really had close friends, and any firends he did have sort of sided with mum when they divorced. He is thinking of joining the senior citizen's centre (hes 64) for this reason.
Load More Replies... Bob Stuart 3 years ago
If you get divorced, you can wind up very isolated due to malicious gossip destroying your social life.
Natalia Allen 3 years ago
@Heather Menard, I am also in the same place but this thread is specifically about overlooked mens issues. It's not a competition between men and women. Yes many women are also lonely, insecure etc but this thread is about acknowledging our men.
#22
The lack of a good support system. Just because a guy has people that he hangs out with, doesn't mean he's comfortable telling them serious personal issues.
El muerto 3 years ago
women are no better choice, not worse...as that thing about men only trying to screw women, is the reason women don't always make good friends...just because you believe that every guy out there want to screw you, doesn't make it true. and when you say that, it makes it clear what that prejudice is why many men don't get support
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#23
Prostate cancer is second only to skin cancer in men. Lots of money goes to breast cancer research, but how much goes to prostate cancer?
Crystal Barkhauer 3 years ago
It also seems like men feel like they can’t really talk about having prostate cancer, right? It’s along the whole society issue of “taking it like a man”. That phrase has damaged so many people that it’s not a wonder so many things are hushed.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
I can say a lot goes to colon cancer. My own "Suck it up and keep working" attitude almost killed me. I ignored obvious signs as nothing until I could no longer ignore them. That's when i found out I had stage 3 colorectal cancer. Another month or two of ignoring and it would have been stage 4 and I would quite likely not be typing this.
Mistralok 3 years ago
ALL cancers are secondary to breast cancer in that manner. Sorry gal that you lost a breast, I truly am. But you can take care of your look with silicone. Breast cancer is only responsible for 7.4% of all cancer deaths. The top ten only get a fraction of the funding. Pancreatic cancer. Mesothelioma. Gallbladder cancer. Esophageal cancer. Liver and intrahepatic bile duct cancer. Lung and bronchial cancer. Pleural cancer. Acute monocytic leukemia.
Judes 3 years ago
Do you have citations for your assertions? . Breast cancer is the most common from of cancer world wide (https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/cancer). World wide it's the fifth most deadly cancer after lung, colorectal, liver and stomach cancer (see same link as before). The huge amount of funding into breast cancer is what has made the most common form of cancer less deadly than less common forms of cancer---although this decrease in the breast cancer death rate is really only seen in wealthy countries.
Load More Replies... Isaac Harvey 3 years ago
I see all these fundraisers for breast cancer, lung cancer, etc. but nothing about the type I have, which is exponentially more consequential. I(18M) was diagnosed with childhood brain cancer less than 2 weeks before turning 10 in a hospital bed. Six-and-a-half years later, I was diagnosed with epilepsy as a long-term side effect of the scar tissue. And even though my parents still (seem to) acknowledge my diagnoses, I'm still expected to get good grades in college. My Taekwondo instructors, on the other hand, know about the side effects and, 90% of the time, will let me rest when I ask. Even second-degree black belts aren't immune to mental health struggles.
ellichen 3 years ago
Lots of respect for all you had and still have to go through and still manage to lead a somewhat normal life! There should be more understanding for this!
Load More Replies... Huddo's sister 3 years ago
Probably because no celebrity who has had to deal with it has decided to speak out about it and set up a foundation or anything.
#24
Easy look at the case where the guy got banned from twitch. When his computer rebooted and logged him in as he was walking passed in his boxers.
The same time a cam girl accidentally didn’t log out of twitch and did a full strip on stream. She didn’t get banned. In fact she got a few sponsors for it.
Gigantor the Bog Monster 3 years ago
You never heard it, so it can't be true right? Love the misandry
Load More Replies... Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
damn i don't know to call this double standards or pervertinous from twitch
Neill Powell 3 years ago
Social Media has been dominated by the disposability of men. Daily tweets are about how men should bow down and let the "queens" do what they want, Cheat etc. Never in all my years seen a single attempt by a man to that nonsense, because if they did, they would be booted of the platform... Social Media, twitter in particular is a Toxic-feminist arena that people should already be well-disgusted at.
Richard Portman 3 years ago
This is dystopian. Why are they keeping all those young people in this room? How is this a normal thing? What is Twitch and how can we kill it?
Bob Belcher 3 years ago
How many women had a boob flash or something in the past two years with Zoom and kids and it was laughed off? I don't recall hearing about any men walking around naked and good lord if they did they would be registered sex offenders now
Barbara Skolly 3 years ago
A Canadian politician was caught twice on zoom in various states of undress. Very scandalous
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#25
Mental health. And this is coming from someone who has lived on the ideas of "you're a guy, get over yourself". It was taught to me, I didn't think much of it, and now that I'm about to hit 20, I can feel the effects like a ripple. It's actually hard for me to open up to people and when I do I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time.
Isaac Harvey 3 years ago
Just because I'm an 18-year-old male doesn't mean I haven't had childhood brain cancer since I was 10 or epilepsy since I was 16. And few people seem to actually react to the many side effects of my anti-seizure medications, levetiracetam and lamotrigine.
Lou Lopez 3 years ago
I take lamotrogine too! Do you notice that it forks with your speech? I often swap word orders in sentences, stutter, slur and swap letters (instead of "card on file," I once said "fard on kile,") at random.
Load More Replies... #26
Male pattern baldness and the impact it can have on mental health and body image. Imagine being in college surrounded by guys with perfect NW1 hairlines with all these cool fades and modern trendy hairstyles while you're stuck looking like Moby or Varys from GOT. Brutal. The worst part is nobody really talks about it, it's a very hidden and taboo issue that many men go though but society refuses to truly address, so they are forced to suffer in silence.
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
I used to laugh at men who wore toupees or had comb-overs, but now I see that they are just insecure, like the rest of us.
Okasan Willis 3 years ago
In my family the men go mostly bald by 25. I am the only girl in the family and I have to deal with it as well
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
This must be really hard. It might seem somewhat superficial but I don’t think it is at all. I know a guy who started losing his hair around 20, it’s really affected him and he had lovely hair before. Not every guy wants/likes a shaved head, or feels confident with it.
Gigantor the Bog Monster 3 years ago
It's hair lol, get over it. I have a giant bald spot, so I just shave it all
NamiKoa 3 years ago
This one is so unfair. Imagine going through life seeing yourself a certain way in the mirror and then relatively abruptly your hair just decides to abandon you - and there’s nothing much you can do about it. A friend of mine actually got a hair transplant and I’m really happy for him that it’s an option nowadays and that it works pretty well. I hate how some people make jokes about baldness, it’s a part of your appearance that you have very little control over.
Aeon Flux 3 years ago
Getting old will do that to you no matter what, though.
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#27
I work at a psychiatric hospital and out of the thirteen wards, only three are for women. The huge problem to face men is mental illness and most, if not all the patients are there because they kept taking drugs as well.
Got Myself 4 Dwarves 3 years ago
I've always thought that a lot of mental illness in men comes from being brought up in environments where they had to be "big boys" who don't cry, don't show weakness and all that bullshit. If a child isn't taught how to deal with their emotions then how are the suddenly expected to know as adults when life can get super stressful? No wonder folk turn to distraction methods of drugs and alcohol, which then starts the even faster downward slide. These kids are set up for failure but not acknowledging the fact they are human, feeling little boys who need cared for and raised with love and support. I will not set any of my children up for failure.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
As someone with 30 years clean and sober, I can say you are spot on. It wasn't until years into recovery that I realized how much emotional harm my mother had done by raising her "good little robot" emotions were suppressed and felling invalidated. "Stop it, you are fine" was the answer to tears, anger, sorrow, etc...
Load More Replies... #28
In western culture, men are defined by what they do and not by who they are (being). So, when they retire they often develop mental illness because they are no longer "doing". this often leads to suicide.
Then there's the whole nonsense of the stoic emotionless man getting on with the work.
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
I'm not sure if this is a gender issue. I'd say that most people working full time are defined by their jobs.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
Most men I know talk about what they will do for work when they retire. A common joke is be a greeter at walmart just to stay busy.
Richard Portman 3 years ago
I know some old guys who are bus drivers as a retirement job. They tell me that staying at home is too boring. They are nice friendly men. We don't talk politics because reasons. I miss them. Because of the times, the bus is still running but i don't use it temporarily.
Load More Replies... Bob Stuart 3 years ago
Getting stuck in numb is bad for us, but sometimes the community needs the services of someone undisturbed by emotions. We should be praised and understood for stepping up.
#29
You can't cry. You can't have emotional issues. You are supposed to know the answer to all problems
Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
my mom said im a boy so i shouldn't cry anda bunch other s**t men should do
#30
Tldr: fashion options
When I get ready to go out somewhere nice I find a dress shirt and tie, perhaps a jacket. Comb my hair in the one style I can as its cut to that style. Choose between brown or black shoes, belt to match and maybe add a watch. My wife picks a shirt, on or off the shoulder, low cut or high. Pants or skirt, short or long. Stockings or not, shoes open or closed, tall or short heel. She can wear her hair up or down or a combination. Bracelets, necklace, earrings. Makeup and perfume. One could argue that these choices complicate her life but I beg to differ. She has the options to be who she wants to be at the time, to garner more attention or less, draw attention or stand out less. I get to look the same as I do at every wedding, funeral or night out.
Beth L 3 years ago
This is just a guy who is afraid to stand out in a crowd. Get a unique haircut. Get a pair of blue suede shoes. Bring vests back.
Memere 3 years ago
I agree! I've known & seen lots of men who dress very stylish & uniquely. I especially love men's Steampunk fashion, either just a touch of it, or full-on. It's not that hard.
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Naesil 3 years ago
This I disagree with, maybe the pressure is to fit in the mold but there definitely is options, and no one is forbidding you to wear all the jewelry your wife does.
pusheen buttercup 3 years ago
Have you seen men's jewelry? Perhaps it's an American thing but men's jewelry is also stifling compared to the selection offered to women. I dressed women for a while, shopped a lot for them. Now I shop for men and let me tell you it's no picnic.
Load More Replies... El muerto 3 years ago
this is a think of social pression, just like for women, society have made up rules on what a woman should look like, there is also a made up rule as how men should look like...but in a practical sense, if you go to a clothes store, most male clothes are standar and generic, at least most affordable, so choices on what to wear are few. a clothing store have usually many many choices of stile for women, colours shapes and sizes. men clothes are a quarter that...
just me 3 years ago
It's interesting to hear this from the other side. I get so frustrated with all of the options, what looks good, what's appropriate for the occasion, what's in season (the hell does that that mean?), Jewelry, handbags, shoes must coordinate. And don't wear the same thing as the last [event]. I would love to have a socially acceptable "uniform" to wear when dressing up. I don't mean to say anything against wanting all of the options, just that it's wild to me to see the other side of it.
pusheen buttercup 3 years ago
I dressed and shopped for both men and women. In America at least, it is much harder to find interesting things or a decent selection for men. It can be done but IS harder. I don't often puff out my chest here, but this is my job, passion, and obsession. I live, eat, and breathe fashion and shopping. The conditions for men in comparison to women for shopping is very unequal in America. I stand by this.
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
What colour shirt should I wear tonight? Navy blue, dark green or grey? Decisions, decisions!
M O'Connell 3 years ago
There are plenty of things that I would like to wear, but I just can't because I do not want to draw attention to myself. I wouldn't know what to do with it.
#31
I'm late to the party so this will get lost, but in my experience it feels like dudes are expected to work 70+ hour weeks and be proud of it, or else they're lazy. Like, nah.
I'm going to be working at least 65 hours next week between two jobs (which is fu*king plenty) and that includes both daytime and overnight shifts. If I complain for even a sentence though, I'm going to be sh*t talked by the crew when they think I can't hear them.
I'm tired. I like doing things that aren't work. That sh*t just isn't sustainable for some people.
Naesil 3 years ago
This is more cultural thing I guess (American or Asian) here my contract says 37,5h per week and thats what I do, no one expects me to do more.
Tobin Kern 3 years ago
I don't know anyone who is expected to work this much. If a guy chooses to, more power to him. But I call BS on being expected to.
Load More Replies... #32
Inter male violence .
I’m 5 9 and guys that are bigger have no problem being a douche or even violent with me . I have to watch myself more than others as a result, I have been punched out for bumping into the wrong person.
The cops didn’t help either again cause I’m a guy, they basically thought I started it and should’ve defended myself. When in reality I bumped into someone drunk and he decided to punch me in the back of the head repeatedly .
I got zero help from the cops.
If that happened to a girl they would’ve been all over it .
Naesil 3 years ago (edited)
While women do get violently abused a lot more (in relationships), male to male "casual violence" is pretty common, I have been attacked several times when I was younger, I have seen guys hit unconscious for cutting in a line to atm etc... never personally had to hit anyone outside of training or competition, but I have had to throw people down and pin them in self defense and wait that bouncer or security comes to throw us both out.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
This! I was almost always the youngest/smallest in school as my birthday is in September. I also was raised entirely by women, dad left at 5, so I made friends with girls easier than boys. This in addition to straight A's made me a definite stand out target. The ironic part was even though they were bigger than me, they still had to have a friend or two help. The only time it stopped was when I fought back. They still beat the crap out of me but it cost them something so they moved on to the next victim. Todays school system has ZERO clue about this aspect of male brutality and think "Zero tolerance" policies solve it. No.. they just wait till your off school grounds and do it. I've also seen an increase in girls bullying boys as they know the boys will get in serious trouble for defending themselves verbally or physically. Garbage people will abuse the system. More rules and regulations change nothing.
#33
Loneliness that arises from the difficulty of finding partners in a dating environment that is shaped by online dating. (I've noticed that, on average, it takes much longer for single men in my friend circles who are farther from male beauty norms to find a partner. Note: this isn't to say that dating is simply "harder for men," as women face a greater threat of violence.)
Loneliness due to how men are socialized regarding making close friendships and sharing their emotions.
Mental health issues exacerbated by (1) loneliness and the lack of a support network and (2) men being socialized to believe that they can't share emotions, that certain emotions are a form of weakness, and being met by ridicule and a lack of validation in some circles.
Being vulnerable to radicalization, partly due to loneliness.
Being unable to talk about being victims of sexual assault for fear of seeming weak and unmanly, exacerbated by weak support networks.
Being threatened by or pressured into violent confrontation with other men over ridiculous nonsense as a way to settle disagreements and conflict.
Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
there is also that thing were men will tell eachother dont be a bitch or a pussy when you don't want to have sex or being called crazy for not wanting to date someone not in your preference
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Shelp 3 years ago
At first I thought to myself ''if I comment too much on that post, people may think I'm an incel or a misogynistic pig''. And then I asked myself if that wasn't part of the problem too
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Or a "hateful feminist bi*ch" in mny case. A lot of this is cultural, and to change culture, we need to raise children to stop thinking these ways. It's not who wins the "I'm a victim!" contest. It's that we shouldn't see these problems (abuse, rape, mental illness) being disregarded! no matter who the victim is or isn't.
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 3 years ago
All these posts are true, and the problems are genuine. Toxic masculinity has hurt everyone in society, including men. I feel like a lot of these men are in the same place that women were at the beginning of feminism, fighting for equality and fairness and respect. To change the dynamics of manhood, you are going to encounter resistance and ridicule and prejudice. I wish it wasn't so, but if you look at how long women have been fighting for equality, it's easy to imagine that it's going to take a long time for men to counteract decades of limitations on what it means to be a man. It will not be given to you on a plate. You will have to fight for it. And sadly, too many men and women are conditioned to the point where they won't accept change. As women we have lived these struggles. It makes me so sad to think that men are now having the exact same struggles, because we still have not evolved as humans.
K Witmer 3 years ago
Men deserve to be treated w kindness and deserve to be listened to just like any other group. I just wish it wasn't so hard to get through to the angry ones. The ones that claim are oppressed. How do you combat that? How do you instill feminism in a group that doesn't understand what feminism truly is? Also generational trauma. How do you convince someone that's so full of hate to go to therapy? Especially when it's someone that can hurt you physically? Men need to help other men like women help other women. We set up our own networks and the men that are our allies help us too. Ultimately it starts w teaching boys. Parents need to help their little boys.
Helen Haley 3 years ago
Men made this society what it is. They still have the majority of power. If you don't like the social mores that you are forced (self-reinforced) to live by, get some therapy, break out of the mold, and talk with your fellow men about better ways to be and do things in the world. Women have an ongoing discussion about what it means to be a woman in todays world. Get that going on the mens side. Because right now there seems to be a prevalence of just pining for the 50's. Stand up for what is right, and for the love of bob, raise boys the way you wish you were raised and go to therapy so you can learn emotional expression. These are not insurmountable problems.
steven 3 years ago
Ian sweetie, unfortunately you're not bright enough to realise that that d*ck swinging idiots like you are the problem
Load More Replies... Nimitz 3 years ago
The thing that drove me nuts as a kid growing up in a house with a single mother and three older sisters was the double standard when it came to attractiveness. A man judging a woman by her looks was despicable, but when it came to dating, all the women in my family went for pretty men first. Only one of them, eventually, found a man of quality. So many shitty bros! And yet, they knew what they were getting into
Got Myself 4 Dwarves 3 years ago
I refuse to raise my sons to feel like they have to be emotionless workaholics - to always let them know their feelings are valid and it's important to talk about them. So much of todays standards are so very antiquated and while men of the past basically made it what it is I will not let my sons suffer because of it. That's really one of the only and most important contributions I can make. It really needs to stop being a life that we live for our daily audience and start living for ourselves - I mean, what is the point ? So someone might have an arsey comment to make, is it really worth being miserable over? My husband genuinely doesn't give a flying f**k what anyone thinks about him, and while I'm so much better than I used to be I really envy his complete freedom to be himself.
foxxy(Not original) 3 years ago
when i was 5 i hit my head on the steel door in front of my apartment. i had a huge bump on my head. my dad took me to 7-11 and this woman came up to me and asked me what happened. when i told her, she leaned close and whispered to me, "you can tell me what really happened."
ZombieGirl 3 years ago
To all the men, and people who identify as men.....you are valuable and worthy and I hope you don't have to deal with too much of the things listed here.
Zoe 3 years ago
How did we get into this situation? Where we are treated particular ways because of our gender? Why/how have women become so oppressed and men have become disposable for example. How did it start?
Linda Lee 3 years ago
I think it's been happening since caveman days. Hunters and gatherers. In the US, the Equal Rights Ammendment never passed. Equal rights doesn't mean more for me, less for you, it means equal. Women had to be granted the right to vote from men. It wasn't until the 1970's that a woman could even get a credit card without her husband or father even though she qualified and had a paying job. I think we are making progress and we need to remember that neither men nor women are the enemy. We need to support our fellow human beings. More empathy.
Load More Replies... Bob Stuart 3 years ago
When I try to post about men's issues on Bored Panda, I am regularly censored.
Shelp 3 years ago
At first I thought to myself ''if I comment too much on that post, people may think I'm an incel or a misogynistic pig''. And then I asked myself if that wasn't part of the problem too
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Or a "hateful feminist bi*ch" in mny case. A lot of this is cultural, and to change culture, we need to raise children to stop thinking these ways. It's not who wins the "I'm a victim!" contest. It's that we shouldn't see these problems (abuse, rape, mental illness) being disregarded! no matter who the victim is or isn't.
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 3 years ago
All these posts are true, and the problems are genuine. Toxic masculinity has hurt everyone in society, including men. I feel like a lot of these men are in the same place that women were at the beginning of feminism, fighting for equality and fairness and respect. To change the dynamics of manhood, you are going to encounter resistance and ridicule and prejudice. I wish it wasn't so, but if you look at how long women have been fighting for equality, it's easy to imagine that it's going to take a long time for men to counteract decades of limitations on what it means to be a man. It will not be given to you on a plate. You will have to fight for it. And sadly, too many men and women are conditioned to the point where they won't accept change. As women we have lived these struggles. It makes me so sad to think that men are now having the exact same struggles, because we still have not evolved as humans.
K Witmer 3 years ago
Men deserve to be treated w kindness and deserve to be listened to just like any other group. I just wish it wasn't so hard to get through to the angry ones. The ones that claim are oppressed. How do you combat that? How do you instill feminism in a group that doesn't understand what feminism truly is? Also generational trauma. How do you convince someone that's so full of hate to go to therapy? Especially when it's someone that can hurt you physically? Men need to help other men like women help other women. We set up our own networks and the men that are our allies help us too. Ultimately it starts w teaching boys. Parents need to help their little boys.
Helen Haley 3 years ago
Men made this society what it is. They still have the majority of power. If you don't like the social mores that you are forced (self-reinforced) to live by, get some therapy, break out of the mold, and talk with your fellow men about better ways to be and do things in the world. Women have an ongoing discussion about what it means to be a woman in todays world. Get that going on the mens side. Because right now there seems to be a prevalence of just pining for the 50's. Stand up for what is right, and for the love of bob, raise boys the way you wish you were raised and go to therapy so you can learn emotional expression. These are not insurmountable problems.
steven 3 years ago
Ian sweetie, unfortunately you're not bright enough to realise that that d*ck swinging idiots like you are the problem
Load More Replies... Nimitz 3 years ago
The thing that drove me nuts as a kid growing up in a house with a single mother and three older sisters was the double standard when it came to attractiveness. A man judging a woman by her looks was despicable, but when it came to dating, all the women in my family went for pretty men first. Only one of them, eventually, found a man of quality. So many shitty bros! And yet, they knew what they were getting into
Got Myself 4 Dwarves 3 years ago
I refuse to raise my sons to feel like they have to be emotionless workaholics - to always let them know their feelings are valid and it's important to talk about them. So much of todays standards are so very antiquated and while men of the past basically made it what it is I will not let my sons suffer because of it. That's really one of the only and most important contributions I can make. It really needs to stop being a life that we live for our daily audience and start living for ourselves - I mean, what is the point ? So someone might have an arsey comment to make, is it really worth being miserable over? My husband genuinely doesn't give a flying f**k what anyone thinks about him, and while I'm so much better than I used to be I really envy his complete freedom to be himself.
foxxy(Not original) 3 years ago
when i was 5 i hit my head on the steel door in front of my apartment. i had a huge bump on my head. my dad took me to 7-11 and this woman came up to me and asked me what happened. when i told her, she leaned close and whispered to me, "you can tell me what really happened."
ZombieGirl 3 years ago
To all the men, and people who identify as men.....you are valuable and worthy and I hope you don't have to deal with too much of the things listed here.
Zoe 3 years ago
How did we get into this situation? Where we are treated particular ways because of our gender? Why/how have women become so oppressed and men have become disposable for example. How did it start?
Linda Lee 3 years ago
I think it's been happening since caveman days. Hunters and gatherers. In the US, the Equal Rights Ammendment never passed. Equal rights doesn't mean more for me, less for you, it means equal. Women had to be granted the right to vote from men. It wasn't until the 1970's that a woman could even get a credit card without her husband or father even though she qualified and had a paying job. I think we are making progress and we need to remember that neither men nor women are the enemy. We need to support our fellow human beings. More empathy.
Load More Replies... Bob Stuart 3 years ago
When I try to post about men's issues on Bored Panda, I am regularly censored.
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