Woman Refuses To Financially Support Fiancé’s Younger Brother Who’s Just Lost His Parents, Dumps Him After His Ultimatum
While I’m all for saying life is like a box of chocolates when describing the uncertainty that life has to offer, I think modern tech has proved on more than one occasion that you can know what you’re gonna get these days.
Instead, I suggest going for life is like a stray curve-ball. I needn’t finish that sentence for you to assume the dire consequences of that.
Same goes with relationships sometimes. Especially when you throw out an ultimatum as a bluff, only to be hit back by said curve-ball straight in the kisser (or that other area nobody would ever want to be hit in).
Play stupid games—win stupid prizes, right?
More Info: Reddit
The last thing you’d want to do in a complex dilemma is throw an ultimatum into the works in hopes of making it work. Spoiler Alert: it won’t
Image credits: eflon (not the actual image)
A woman in her late 20s approached the Am I The A-Hole? community with a situation she’s gotten herself into. But not in the sense that she brought it upon herself, but she just found herself there.
OP is engaged to this guy named Derek, with whom, by the looks of things, she has a long-term relationship of at least five years. And stuff seemed to be serious at this point as the two knew where they were going and how they imagined life together: living in a “moderately cramped” studio apartment but saving up for a nice house outside of the city, deciding against having kids, stuff like that.
Well, all of this changed after Derek learned that his parents—father and step-mother—had suddenly passed away in a horrific accident. And this unfortunate event orphaned his 12-year-old half-brother, who now is with his aunt. While that is not a bad thing in and of itself, he’d allegedly have to babysit her 5 kids and sleep on the floor, and, as you can imagine, it was not solace after what he has gone through.
One such ultimatum found its way into this relationship where the dilemma was taking in an orphaned half-brother, but refusing to compromise
Image Credits: u/AITAfianceskidbro
So, Derek suggested the couple take the little boy in. Awesome gesture, but one that begs many questions. Apart from agreeing to live a childfree life, the two were also not in the financial state to take on more responsibility in the form of child care. This is besides the emotional, moral, spiritual and any other commitment that they’d be taking on in order to raise the kid.
Given this, OP was against the idea. After a lot of pushback from the fiance and his half-bro, OP felt conflicted. Having been raised in foster care herself, she felt biased on the matter, so some perspective was in order. And so the story found itself on r/AITA.
Image Credits: u/AITAfianceskidbro
Image credit: Marco Verch Professional Photographer (not the actual image)
Well, this was just the beginning of it. The post got updated twice after that. The first time, OP provided elaborated on the numbers she crunched concerning little half-bro’s involvement in their household. Long story short, no ideal solutions here as it would mean they’d have to commit $3,000 just to move to a more spacious apartment and pay an extra $1,000 a month.
This is all considering the fact that the two agreed to support each other during their studies, with OP already having gone through the help he gave and now returning the favor as he had just kicked off his 4-year degree. The only problem as that his expenses are much greater than hers were—$1,500 greater, to be precise. Plus, she’s paying for the parents’ funeral. $10,000, if you’re wondering. So, a compromise had to be made in order for this to work at all.
The woman did some number crunching to point out just how financially unviable it is, let alone unfair, to take in the kid, despite the fiance’s good intentions
Image Credits: u/AITAfianceskidbro
Image credit: Luigi Morante (not the actual image)
The second time was the update where OP detailed the talk she had with her fiance. Long story short, civilized talk led to an ultimatum from the guy—one that seemingly was supposed to be a bluff—that backfired miserably as the woman decided that enough is enough and she decided to split.
Shocked, the boyfriend made a u-turn and started begging her to stay. But between the manipulative ultimatum, disregarding past agreements and just not listening to reason, it was clear to OP that it could have spiraled even more out of control if she had taken the bait—it seemed like a very easy solution for the fiance, but, realistically speaking, it wouldn’t stop with just providing a roof over his head.
The whole situation ultimately led to an ultimatum that, despite being a bluff, did not work well for the fiance as the original poster decided to leave him
Image Credits: u/AITAfianceskidbro
And folks in the community shared an opinion on this. Mostly, it was those saying that she is not wrong to have done what she did for the same reasons—it’s a huge commitment, on multiple levels; she did the math, and there are only certain options that aren’t an option for the guy, so that’s a dead end; and some didn’t even agree with having to pay the $10K for the funeral, which hinted at the idea of her being the victim in all of this.
But there were those who saw it as being no a-holes here kind of situation. They argued that there are government funds that family of the deceased might be eligible to. Besides that, you can’t blame the guy for wanting what’s best for his half-brother, let alone honoring their parents by becoming a guardian. His heart is in the right place.
Image Credits: u/AITAfianceskidbro
Whatever the case may be, the post has gone viral with nearly 9,000 upvotes and a handful of Reddit awards. You can check out the post here. But don’t go just yet—we want your opinion on who’s who in this situation in the comment section below! Oh, and why not hit that upvote button because that is the best way to show some love for people!
I appreciate that the she understands her limitations and is going into this with a clear head. She did not say "no" even though she did not want the responsibility. She asked that her fiance do his part to help. She will be much happier with her cat and less responsibility. I hope her fiance and his poor brother find peace.
Right, him saying that he allowed her to not have a job while she was going through school is a false equivalency. They didn't have a third human being to look after when she was going to school.
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As do I. But Derek is the one at fault here. He should have already checked into SS Survivors Benefits for his brother, so that info could be used in calculating finances, and he should also have been the one to plan his parents' funeral, even though he is not the one who paid for it. Instead, it seems all responsibility has been dumped on the girlfriend. I have no doubt that all responsibility for the half-brother would also be dumped on her. Don't go back, girl!
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The fiancé could also go to school part time—-including summer classes—-and work part time. May take him 10+ years to finish, even though at some point his brother would no longer be a child and fiancé could take on extra courses and finish earlier than 10+ years. But he doesn’t even want to do that. The OP just shelled out $10,000 for HIS parents’ funeral, and is offering him another $3500 to help him out, and even THAT isn’t good enough. She called his bluff, and now he’s s******g his pants over it. She’s definitely NTA, and will be much happier living alone with her cat—-and eventually a new fiancé who actually deserves her. Sucks for the kid, but fiancé made his bed and now has to man uo and lie in it. Also, Auntie is a REAL a*****e for making her nephew, who just lost both his parents in a horrific way, sleep on the floor and be a free babysitter, at age 12. Sounds like the fiancé comes from a f****d up family, so that just adds to the benefits for her for getting TF OUT!
You have been reading my mind. Everything you posted is Exactly what I thought.
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I appreciate that the she understands her limitations and is going into this with a clear head. She did not say "no" even though she did not want the responsibility. She asked that her fiance do his part to help. She will be much happier with her cat and less responsibility. I hope her fiance and his poor brother find peace.
Right, him saying that he allowed her to not have a job while she was going through school is a false equivalency. They didn't have a third human being to look after when she was going to school.
Load More Replies... As do I. But Derek is the one at fault here. He should have already checked into SS Survivors Benefits for his brother, so that info could be used in calculating finances, and he should also have been the one to plan his parents' funeral, even though he is not the one who paid for it. Instead, it seems all responsibility has been dumped on the girlfriend. I have no doubt that all responsibility for the half-brother would also be dumped on her. Don't go back, girl!
Load More Replies... The fiancé could also go to school part time—-including summer classes—-and work part time. May take him 10+ years to finish, even though at some point his brother would no longer be a child and fiancé could take on extra courses and finish earlier than 10+ years. But he doesn’t even want to do that. The OP just shelled out $10,000 for HIS parents’ funeral, and is offering him another $3500 to help him out, and even THAT isn’t good enough. She called his bluff, and now he’s s******g his pants over it. She’s definitely NTA, and will be much happier living alone with her cat—-and eventually a new fiancé who actually deserves her. Sucks for the kid, but fiancé made his bed and now has to man uo and lie in it. Also, Auntie is a REAL a*****e for making her nephew, who just lost both his parents in a horrific way, sleep on the floor and be a free babysitter, at age 12. Sounds like the fiancé comes from a f****d up family, so that just adds to the benefits for her for getting TF OUT!
You have been reading my mind. Everything you posted is Exactly what I thought.
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