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19 Y.O. Daughter Gets Excluded From Family Dinner Because She Called Her Dad’s 26 Y.O. Girlfriend A Gold Digger
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19 Y.O. Daughter Gets Excluded From Family Dinner Because She Called Her Dad’s 26 Y.O. Girlfriend A Gold Digger

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When you have children, being their biological parent doesn’t necessarily mean that you will automatically be close to them. As any other relationship, it requires effort and needs to be fostered continuously.

This dad blames himself for not being close to his daughter, but the one time she said something he didn’t like, he cut her off and was surprised that she got upset about not being invited to a barbecue dinner, thinking that she wouldn’t even want to be there.

More info: Reddit

Dad blames himself for not being close with his daughter but then cuts her off at their first argument

Image credits: Jiposhy .com (not the actual photo)

The dad introduced his new girlfriend to the family and his daughter pointed out that she was a gold digger, which was a fact everyone knew

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Image credits: Adrienn (not the actual photo)

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Image credits:  cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: aitathrowww-c

The dad was pretty offended and didn’t want to hear it again, so he excluded his daughter from his next gathering, making her upset

The Original Poster (OP)’s reason for not being particularly close to his daughter was that when he divorced her mom, the girl was 13 years old and he would see her only a few times a year on special occasions.

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He takes responsibility for that because he lost control of his life after the divorce, even though he was only 33 when it happened. It’s not clear if the dad is over his crisis, but at least he is in a relationship that he considers to be serious enough to present to his family.

So he took them out to dinner and introduced his new girlfriend to them, knowing that they would probably think she is with him because of his money and he is with her because of her looks, which he doesn’t mind.

What he did mind was that his daughter called his girlfriend a gold digger, although she was just voicing everyone’s thoughts loudly. Another reason for the insult could be that there is tension between the two women because the daughter is 19 and the girlfriend is 26 years old.

Because of this one comment, the next time the OP hosted a dinner, he didn’t invite his daughter. He wanted to avoid a repeat of the situation as he was convinced she hated the woman he loved. So he was surprised that the daughter was so upset when she found out she was excluded.

People in the comments were merciless, because the dad was absent through her teenage years and then tried to reconnect after being in a life crisis due to the divorce, but shut her down again after one argument, once again showing that she is not that important in his life. From what they’ve read, redditors didn’t think that the OP cared to have a relationship with his daughter.

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Image credits: John Krupsky (not the actual photo)

As a child, you have a different kind of relationship with your mom than your dad, you learn different things from them and you come to them for different advice, so when they divorce and you can only spend time with one of them at a time, you feel that something’s missing.

Statistically, the parent figure that children see less or don’t see at all in their lives are their dads, just like in today’s story. A survey conducted in France by ERFI showed that “In all, for 18% of children (aged 0-34) of separated parents, the father reports never seeing them.” Research of UK families showed that a third of kids whose parents separated never saw their father again.

The ERFI study showed that there are a lot of different factors that lead to fathers not having a close relationship with their kids after divorce or not having one at all. Firstly, bonds weaken over time, so the younger the child at the time of the divorce, the more likely they won’t have a relationship. Also, the dad most likely will move on and have a new family and “When the father finds a new partner, the child may no longer want to see him, he may lose interest in the child, or the mother may seek to prevent father and child from keeping in touch.”

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Another thing is the physical distance. The further away a dad lives from his child, the less frequently he will meet them. Data shows that if the distance is more than a 4-hour journey, less effort is put into arranging meetings and visits.

The research was quite detailed and it showed that “The father’s level of education, employment status and income all affect the likelihood for a child of not maintaining contact with him.” If a dad has more money, he will be able to afford to pay travel costs and will have a separate room in his house to accommodate his child.

Another factor that comes into play is the dad’s relationship with his own father and other family relationships, “The proportion of children who no longer see their father is twice as high when the father himself was not raised by two parents up to age 15.”

Sometimes the dad doesn’t want a relationship to begin with and won’t try even if he has the means to do it. The motherhood program of the non-profit organization Family First iMOM says that some dads are struggling with sadness which overwhelms them every time they see their children, so they simply avoid it. Others might be feeling angry as a result of that sadness. Divorce might be seen as a failure, so when the marriage fails, your whole life can seem a failure and children are a reminder of it. The dad also may not think he is needed for anything else except for child support money.

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But are these things an excuse to not have a relationship with a child that you brought into the world? And just because you don’t have a relationship with the mother of the child? Are your own mental health struggles an excuse? What do you think? And is being offended that your child insulted your new life partner an excuse to exclude them from a family dinner? Let us know in the comments.

While the dad didn’t understand why his daughter would be upset, redditors came to call out his problematic behavior

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jessicaspecht avatar
Jessica Specht
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I was the daughter of OP, I would be going NC permanently with him. He wasn't there for her when she needed him because he simply couldn't be bothered to be there. Now she can not be there for him and see how he likes it.

appsfor72 avatar
Apps
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I doubt he would notice the difference. ⬆️ Sometimes you just have to accept that people can have kids but are not interested in being a parent. It doesn't mean that they aren't embarrassed about an estranged child. It looks bad but that's about the only thing that bothers them. My mom is exactly like this.

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marnocat avatar
Marno C.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thing about being a parent is that you have got to put effort into being the sort of person your child would respect. If you can't behave yourself, how are you going to inspire your child to even like you, let alone look up to you and love you? OP just isn't an emotionally safe person for his daughter.

m_31 avatar
M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a difference in being a parent vs a sperm or egg donor. This guy doesn't deserve the title father or parent as he obviously cares nothing about being one. What shocks me is that he would ask AITA, did anyone say no? Highly unlikely.

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andrew_joseph_barrett avatar
birdhouse
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So you say she is with you for the money. When daughter shares the same opinion so you ditch the daughter? You sir do not have the right to even call yourself a father. You were nothing but a sperm donor and should never have another child. Also YES...YTA!!

alisa-fender avatar
Honu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes. His loyalty to the person he's in a transactional relationship with is more than his loyalty to his daughter.

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jessicaspecht avatar
Jessica Specht
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I was the daughter of OP, I would be going NC permanently with him. He wasn't there for her when she needed him because he simply couldn't be bothered to be there. Now she can not be there for him and see how he likes it.

appsfor72 avatar
Apps
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I doubt he would notice the difference. ⬆️ Sometimes you just have to accept that people can have kids but are not interested in being a parent. It doesn't mean that they aren't embarrassed about an estranged child. It looks bad but that's about the only thing that bothers them. My mom is exactly like this.

Load More Replies...
marnocat avatar
Marno C.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thing about being a parent is that you have got to put effort into being the sort of person your child would respect. If you can't behave yourself, how are you going to inspire your child to even like you, let alone look up to you and love you? OP just isn't an emotionally safe person for his daughter.

m_31 avatar
M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a difference in being a parent vs a sperm or egg donor. This guy doesn't deserve the title father or parent as he obviously cares nothing about being one. What shocks me is that he would ask AITA, did anyone say no? Highly unlikely.

Load More Replies...
andrew_joseph_barrett avatar
birdhouse
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So you say she is with you for the money. When daughter shares the same opinion so you ditch the daughter? You sir do not have the right to even call yourself a father. You were nothing but a sperm donor and should never have another child. Also YES...YTA!!

alisa-fender avatar
Honu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes. His loyalty to the person he's in a transactional relationship with is more than his loyalty to his daughter.

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