Guy Gets Called A Jerk For “Leaving Out” His Ex From 10 Y.O. Daughter’s “First Period” Milestone
Splitting the responsibility in parenting can be challenging. There seem to be some key moments in a child’s life that usually both parents wish to participate in. These might include school graduation, performance in a school play, and maybe… a girl’s first period. It is here that divorce might just add some extra weight to communicating such preferences.
This was the experience of redditor@No-Tap8247. The man did get it all right – he provided emotional support for his daughter during her first period, as well as gave her all the necessary information and women’s hygiene products, like pads and tampons. Finally, he suggested his daughter discuss the topic with his sister. However, the father was confronted by his ex-wife and then all hell broke loose!
More info: Reddit
Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo)
A single dad recently was faced with the unorthodox situation of his daughter’s first period – one that seemed very manageable, until his ex got involved
This redditor explained that after divorcing his ex-wife, he was the one who got full custody of the kids, as he was able to take care of them, while his wife had to work out of town most of the time.
After the divorce, they did not maintain a friendly relationship. The redditor did not approve of his ex-wife’s previous behavior, which turned their relationship into one of “bitterness and recrimination” on both sides. However, as the father emphasized, he made no restrictions on the communication between his ex-wife and their children.
The problem igniting the conflict started when Redditor helped his ten-year-old daughter during her first period without informing his ex.
He explains that he was fully qualified to take such responsibility for himself, as he had his sisters around while growing up, so the topic was not new to him. He also did some additional reading on it and even discussed it with his mother and sisters to be prepared to support his daughter. All in all, the father had been ready to help his daughter since she was 8!
The father noted that he did not limit communication between his ex and their kids
Image credit: No-Tap8247
The father remarks, he doesn’t have a very sympathetic approach toward his wife and doesn’t really want to discuss anything with her
Image credit: No-Tap8247
The dad explains, he was prepared to help his daughter during her first period. In fact, he had been prepared for that since she was 8!
Image credit: No-Tap8247
The father explains he sees the situation mostly from the “medical standpoint”
The father explains he sees the situation mostly from the “medical standpoint”. In his words: “it was a parent-kid medical issue” and that is what made it his own responsibility.
The father gave his daughter emotional and educational support. He explained that having periods is part of a healthy woman’s life, they discussed the important aspects of the topic, and even watched a video together.
He gave her all the necessary women’s hygiene products, like pads and tampons, and finally agreed the girl would discuss the topic with his sister later that week.
Image credit: No-Tap8247
The father’s ex-wife confronted him for “excluding her from a milestone in her daughter’s life”
The problem started with the redditor’s ex-wife and the girl’s mother not being included in the process, as the father did not inform her. The girl’s mother was really disappointed when she found out about the situation after the fact only when she called a few days later to check on her daughter.
The father made a decision to include his sister in the picture, understanding that his daughter might need someone, who had the same kind of experience in order to relate and to get the best possible education and support. However, he did not see why it had to be the girl’s mother.
The redditor’s ex-wife called her ex-husband a jerk and made a point about the importance of a mother-daughter relationship when it comes to experiences that are specific to women. She confronted him for “excluding her from a milestone in her daughter’s life,” which could not be reduced to a simple medical issue.
Image credit: No-Tap8247
The negative effects of divorce were reduced significantly in families where both parents maintained positive relationships, study shows
The impact of divorce upon children depends highly on the relationships between family members after the divorce, based on the study, by Robert D. Hess and Kathleen A. Camara.
Two aspects could be distinguished in the redditor’s problem – the relationship between both parents, the redditor and his ex-wife, and the question of the mother-daughter relationship.
When it comes to the relationship between divorced parents, it was found to be an even more important factor than marital status. The negative effects of divorce were reduced significantly in families where both parents maintained positive relationships.
When it comes to the mother-daughter relationship, the child’s relationship with the non-custodial parent was found to be as important as the one maintained with the primary custodial parent.
Image credits: SouthernSun (not the actual photo)
Commenters were quick to judge the situation, and the judgement was all over the place without one clear verdict
Redditors were divided as were the parents, with the majority congratulating the father for taking responsibility and supporting his daughter. The redditors suggested that the father was not the jerk in this situation, as he did everything right, therefore he was highly supported.
However, some Redditors were not that enthusiastic, stating the father should have at least informed his ex-wife. Others pinpointed that the father should have at least suggested that his daughter contact her mother instead of his sister or a girlfriend.
Image credit: No-Tap8247
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credit: No-Tap8247
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I don't think he did anything wrong. I also don't think periods are mom/ daughter bonding or some huge milestone in a woman's life. Its at best an irritant at worst a source of constant pain, but hardly an achievement. Society puts a lot of weird ( and often gross) expectations of what "coming into womanhood" means for girls as their bodies mature and particularly when they have sex. Its clear in this case the mom is far away and can't physically come and talk to the girl so offering up two female role models for a face to face chat seems like a good alternative. And given he has a restraining order against her and the marriage clearly imploded, he is not badmouthing her. I am sure there is a whole truckload of crazy he could bring up if he wanted to, because judges don't just hand out restraining orders like candy. Instead he is saying why HE doesn't talk to the ex and why, in addition to not thinking it a big deal, he didn't call the ex. Also kudos to him for being prepared
I get the feeling he tries very hard to not talk or write bad about a truly bad ex to the point it's detrimental to himself. If he has a restraining order, something really bad must have gone down, so I don't think it's reasonable to expect from him to actively try to include the mom. It seems to me he didn't try to punish her by not naming her in the list, but considering that the mom has a restraining order and only visitation rights, he knew she wouldn't be a great person to talk to his daughter in this situation but tries to still not wash dirty laundry on Reddit in case his children find the post
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Seeing a period as a "milestone" in your daughter's life is really very creepy to me. ^ Ginny said it better than I could already, so there ya go.
I’m a twin - when my twin got her period before me, my mum noticed and went up to her all hugs and “congratulations! I’m so proud of you! You’re a woman now!” Which made her feel embarrassed and weird, and of course she told me about it. When I got my first period like 3 months later I did everything I could to hide it from my mom because I didn’t want that to happen to me lol, even now that I’m 30 the thought of it makes me cringe hard. If I ever have a daughter, I’m just going to treat it like no big deal but still an open and comfortable subject. “Here’s some pads and tampons, here’s how to use them, try both and let me know which you like (or if you want both) or if you have questions and I’ll keep them on the grocery list. Here’s where we hide the chocolate from Dad. Here’s some stuff for cramps cause they suck but if it gets bad we should pay attention and ask a doctor. Blood tends to stain so if you need help with laundry here’s what to do to save your clothes and sheets. I’ve ruined my share of sheets and panties in my day so don’t stress if you do it on occasion too. A good man will never shame you for it or for anything else period-related, including your mood.” A casual real conversation like that would have been much more appreciated.
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Well I think the fact that the child didn't contact her mom first in the first place says a lot. The mom found out about it days later. If the mom had prepped the girl for this moment and had a good relationship with her, then the kid would have mentioned it to her first thing, no?
My guess too. A good mom would have already talked to her daughter about this beforehand and encouraged her to call. But this mom has a restraining order. So I highly doubt she's a good person.
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I don't think he did anything wrong. I also don't think periods are mom/ daughter bonding or some huge milestone in a woman's life. Its at best an irritant at worst a source of constant pain, but hardly an achievement. Society puts a lot of weird ( and often gross) expectations of what "coming into womanhood" means for girls as their bodies mature and particularly when they have sex. Its clear in this case the mom is far away and can't physically come and talk to the girl so offering up two female role models for a face to face chat seems like a good alternative. And given he has a restraining order against her and the marriage clearly imploded, he is not badmouthing her. I am sure there is a whole truckload of crazy he could bring up if he wanted to, because judges don't just hand out restraining orders like candy. Instead he is saying why HE doesn't talk to the ex and why, in addition to not thinking it a big deal, he didn't call the ex. Also kudos to him for being prepared
I get the feeling he tries very hard to not talk or write bad about a truly bad ex to the point it's detrimental to himself. If he has a restraining order, something really bad must have gone down, so I don't think it's reasonable to expect from him to actively try to include the mom. It seems to me he didn't try to punish her by not naming her in the list, but considering that the mom has a restraining order and only visitation rights, he knew she wouldn't be a great person to talk to his daughter in this situation but tries to still not wash dirty laundry on Reddit in case his children find the post
Load More Replies... Seeing a period as a "milestone" in your daughter's life is really very creepy to me. ^ Ginny said it better than I could already, so there ya go.
I’m a twin - when my twin got her period before me, my mum noticed and went up to her all hugs and “congratulations! I’m so proud of you! You’re a woman now!” Which made her feel embarrassed and weird, and of course she told me about it. When I got my first period like 3 months later I did everything I could to hide it from my mom because I didn’t want that to happen to me lol, even now that I’m 30 the thought of it makes me cringe hard. If I ever have a daughter, I’m just going to treat it like no big deal but still an open and comfortable subject. “Here’s some pads and tampons, here’s how to use them, try both and let me know which you like (or if you want both) or if you have questions and I’ll keep them on the grocery list. Here’s where we hide the chocolate from Dad. Here’s some stuff for cramps cause they suck but if it gets bad we should pay attention and ask a doctor. Blood tends to stain so if you need help with laundry here’s what to do to save your clothes and sheets. I’ve ruined my share of sheets and panties in my day so don’t stress if you do it on occasion too. A good man will never shame you for it or for anything else period-related, including your mood.” A casual real conversation like that would have been much more appreciated.
Load More Replies... Well I think the fact that the child didn't contact her mom first in the first place says a lot. The mom found out about it days later. If the mom had prepped the girl for this moment and had a good relationship with her, then the kid would have mentioned it to her first thing, no?
My guess too. A good mom would have already talked to her daughter about this beforehand and encouraged her to call. But this mom has a restraining order. So I highly doubt she's a good person.
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