Man Disappoints Wife By Suggesting She Move Out To Avoid Moving His Senior Cat She’s Allergic To
Addressing and solving issues that arise in a couple often requires effort and understanding from both people involved.
Yet, when it came to the allergy of this Redditor’s wife to his cat during the woman’s pregnancy, the couple reached no agreement, and the situation developed into an unfortunate and sad sequence of events.
More info: Reddit
A couple’s disagreement about who should move due to a woman’s allergy left everyone disappointed
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After getting pregnant with the couple’s first kid, the man’s wife developed an allergy to his cat
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The man suggested moving in with the woman’s parents to avoid rehoming his cat of 16 years
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The expecting mom refused to move out and asked him to find a new home for the cat instead
A man brought it to the Reddit AITA community online when his wife developed an allergy to his cat after getting pregnant with their first kid and the couple disagreed about how to solve the issue.
The woman was expecting the man to find a new home for his cat; however, the man preferred them to move into the spare bedroom in the woman’s parents’ house, a 10-minute drive away from their own.
The man only offered to look into finding his cat a new home after the birth of their baby if the allergy persisted for either the woman or the baby, and sought advice online after he was called a jerk by his wife for prioritizing his cat over her.
After the update, the man planned to give the cat to his brother in two weeks, yet his wife had put it in a shelter
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
Upon arriving to the shelter, the owner was told that he lost his pet as it got frightened by a dog passing its cage
Sometime later, the man posted an update, explaining that after reading through the feedback online, he had decided to move his cat; however, he had planned to wait for two weeks for his brother to return and take the cat in.
During this time, coming home from work the man couldn’t find his cat, and was told that his wife left him at the shelter. Unfortunately, upon arriving to the shelter, the owner was heartbroken to find that he had lost his cat as it got frightened by a dog that was passing by its cage.
Marital strife was discussed by Verywell Family, who advised parents not to lose sight of how they argue as it tends to eventually affect their children, firstly, by creating a respectful emotional climate in the family and secondly, by teaching a certain way to solve problems, regulate emotions and handle disagreements.
They also brought up the messages that are being sent to a person’s kids when they treat their partner poorly or disrespectfully, listing such red flags in a couple’s relationship as name-calling, insults, threats of abandonment, physical aggression, walking out or withdrawing from the argument and giving into the other parent.
Coming back to the original story, the man’s post gathered 7.2k upvotes on Reddit, and people judged he was a jerk in this situation.
What’s your take on the situation? Please, share your thoughts in the comment section below!
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This bummed me out. Poor cat lives for 16 years in a loving home only to die alone and scared. This is so sad. 🥺
Honestly, if it were me, that would absolutely ruin the relationship. He had found a solution, and she decided the cat was better off dead. A 16-year-old cat in a shelter will die there. The vast majority of cats never leave the shelter. She might as well have tied him in a plastic bag and dumped him -- what she did was just as cruel, just as fatal, and just as preventable. She is not a good person.
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I am worried about how she'll treat a child if that's how she treats an animal
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He was YTA until he found a solution to give the cat to his brother. His wife should always come first and pregnancy is hard enough. But he realised that and started the process to separate from a pet he had loved and raised, which is hard too. Then she became TA for killing the cat. And there the pregnancy was not enough to excuse that.
I agree. Moving in with your parents wasn't a solution. I'm very allergic to dogs and even with allergy meds, I'm miserable. So I understand how 2 weeks would be brutal. But, given the situation, I think staying somewhere else until the cat could be rehomed while annoying, is a fair compromise. I generally think someone who's pregnant should be given some leeway if their being an AH, but in case, pregnant or not, that wasn't ok to go behind her spouses back and to give up their cat. This post really bummed me out. That poor cat. 😢
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I would have to divorce. Everyt time I saw her all I'd see is the b***h who killed my cat. The person who didn't care about me, or a helpless animal, enough to tough it out for two weeks. That kid is in for a rough childhood, she clearly doesn't do well with dependents and the helpless. Pregnancy does NOT make you the center of the universe.
Same. I couldn’t be with someone who could treat my beloved pet so callously, allergies be damned.
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This is so heartbreaking he had to be abandoned then die alone and scared. What an absolute bi*** and I can't believe all the horrible people saying YTA he had that cat 16 yrs I don't care if the absolute T*** is pregnant that doesn't mean she's above that cat. I would shove her out to her parents straight away and the only thing that would be saving her from my anger is that baby inside of her. Disgusting I wish I'd never read this
Divorce. Now. She's been hiding her true colors for years, but it's all in the open now.
You can be sure she won't even mention how she went behind his back and wasn't able to even compromise for a short period of time and will instead tell everyone, "He divorced me over his cat!" because that will make people think he's being unreasonable.
Load More Replies... Couple have problem. Man suggests solution. Wife (rightly) says solution is unacceptable. Man suggests new solution. Wife takes matters into her own hands and is irresponsible for killing beloved pet. Have I basically got it right?
That's what I got out of it; tough situation, guy came around but wasn't allowed much time, wife disregards his feelings and history with the pet and goes rogue behind his back. If I found a solution like that and only needed a couple weeks of her being on allergy meds to finalize this 16 year long relationship with the pet, I'd be very hurt by her actions.
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That update was awful. She's broken his heart and his trust in a really major way. I hope they don't just stay together "for the sake of the kid"
Having pets is like having children or getting married, it is a lifetime commitment, you cannot change your mind about providing for your pets well-being because it all gets too hard. You wouldn't change your mind about caring for your children or partner if they got sick would you? He tried to work the problem with everyone's best interest in mind. Wife was only interested in her own best interests. 2 weeks with her parents wasn't gonna kill her, it's not a huge sacrifice to protect the well-being of another family member who has been there for 16 years and is also vulnerable. She is a callous biatch and that's gonna keep showing up in her relationship with her husband and her children, I can't see this marriage surviving unless she changes in a radical way. They are diametrically opposites in terms of what they consider honourable and ethical behaviour towards those who need them.
In all honesty. Rehoming a 16 y.o. cat is like rehoming a 90 y.o. person. It's far more fragile. People who are saying he is the AT because his wife is pregnant really isn't taking into consideration the fact how old this cat is... She's pregnant not dying of cancer. It really wasn't a fair comparison and having her live at her parents for 2 weeks until his brother came wouldn't have been a big deal. I personally would end the relationship. I couldn't possibly overlook how cruel and heartless of a decision she made.
Guess I'm the crazy animal loving minority but I think the guy is NTA and the fact the woman ended up killing the cat is just BS. I would have rathered put the cat down with me at it's side before letting him die scared, alone and traumatized in a shelter.
I think all you YTA people are absolute monsters. Down vote I don't care at least a few of you will see this and know that at least one person thinks you are a terrible human being.
Moving himself and the wife so the cat can stay, not a solution. But I can't believe the wife's first thought is to give the cat to a shelter instead of asking if a friend, or her parents could take care of it for the two weeks. Like how cold can you be? Did you hate the cat this entire time?
Probably. She just played the allergic-and-pregnant card in order to get rid of the cat. Taking the cat to the shelter went way over the line. She may very well have tanked her marriage.
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if i as in this wife's shoes, i'd be talking to my doctor about allergy tablets, or finding a way to keep the cat in on part of the house, or finding a relative to house the cat until we can figure out if the allergy mellows out. no way would i ever ever do this to a cat, regardless of how long its been with us. my bio mom used to get us pets only to take them to the country side or to kill shelters an time she got mad and that as her means of punishing us. i refuse to turn over a cat to a shelter. id rather put in the work to find a good human that i know will take care of them. nta. get counseling and figure out if this is a person you can continue to live with
Call me whatever you want. I would, without thought, pick my pets over any human, any day. 🤷🏼♀️
He should lawyer up and divorce the wife. Request DNA test for the new baby. Make her life miserable.
This was posted on Reddit a year ago. That makes me angry because I can't comment on it. He was found to be an AH. Despite what his b!tch wife did. That poor cat died alone and scared. I hope to god he divorced her, I could never ever forgive someone that did that to me
I wish we got an update on whether they're still together or if they divorced.
Load More Replies... OP's brother is right - wife is a murderer. That poor cat died alone and absolutely terrified! The one person it knew adn trusted it's whole life wasn't there and it thought it was going to be eaten by that dog. Absolutely horrible and unforgivable! Wife is one of those women who think that once they're pregnant that the whole world has to fall to its knees to worship her and cater to whatever whim she has. Since her little bundle is the be all and end all of everything, It would serve her right for OP to leave and let her raise her little precious on her own. 😠
If the wife can do that to an elderly cat . Specially a cat that she knows for 7 years... then I wouldnt trust her with a kid. if you can not act like a decent human being with an animal, then forget about being a decent parent or a decent partner. I would divorce her right away k. She showed her true colors, and those are the colors of cruelty , ignorance and selfishness . Massive red flags. Her allergy is probably going to go away after the kid is born and all would be for nothing. Disgusting!
You know she would have found another excuse to get rid of the cat even if her allergy went away. She'll say a cat shouldn't be around babies.
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NTA, And all the people on here saying you are, are evil a*s people that don't deserve pets, or kids or any love in their lives at all. You all are evil f*****g people. May you never be allowed to own pets again, you sick f***s.
This isn't even about picking the cat over a spouse, or even about her inability to compromise. It's now about the utter betrayal she caused by going behind his back and go rid of something he loved. She turned a bad situation into something that might not even be reparable.
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It really doesn't matter who is wrong or right or what would have been the best solution anymore. The fact is that this elderly cat died, not at home and peaceful, but discarded, alone and scared. Will he be able to move past this? Perhaps. The death of a pet can be every bit as traumatic as the death of a human being. I would have gladly stayed somewhere else for two weeks, for what is two weeks when it comes to a cat of this advanced age? I had a dog that, nearing the end of his life, needed a lot of care. I could never forgive myself if, after all the love and companionship my dog showed me for fourteen years, I couldn't muster up the will to nurse him and eventually put him to sleep in his own bed in his own home, being cuddled by us.
I'm wondering how bad the allergies were. I developed mild allergies to cat and dog dander (I had a dog and two cats) whilst pregnant. Itchy, watery eyes, and some mild hives. I didn't give up my fur babies. After my pregnancy, they abated a bit, but are still present 13 years later. Oh, well. I love my cat and dog, and wouldn't dream of giving them away. Unless she developed major allergy symptoms, I don't see why the cat had to go. My guess is she simply didn't want to deal with having a cat anymore.
NTA - I’d leave the b***h and not think twice & just co-parent. My husband was allergic to cats and I told him point blank that the cats were here before him and will be here after him. He got a shot once a month for the allergy and eventually he was no longer allergic for whatever reason. SHE LITERALLY MURDERED YOUR CAT - that cat died an agonizing and very scary death, how can you possibly stay with that damn psychopath?! She’s not worth it in any capacity.
Flat out, guy needs to ditch the wife. Taking his pet of 16 years to a shelter after he's finally come to a solution he can live with? F*)) her and f@#$ everyone who voted him TA for trying to find a solution that didn't traumatize a loyal companion. I'm so pissed right now. Any person who would do that deserves to feel shame for the rest of their days... I'd have left the shelter and headed straight to a lawyer's office.
The people saying "It's just a cat! Your wife takes priority!" In the YTA comments SURE. Let's step up above the fact that an animal is a living being, and that this one died confused and terrified... Just for a second, it's just a stupid cat. That leaves us with OP who's been working hard on on a problem that's incredibly important to him. He's being very careful, taking his time, making sure he does it right. It is causing his wife problems, which he knows, which is why he's not putting it off, but it's still going to take time. She only sees HER problem and doesn't care at all about how important this is to her husband, and doesn't care when he tells her why her suggestions and demands aren't the right way to fix this. She waits until his back is turned, swoops in, and throws all his hard careful work in the garbage. He finds out, but too late. After all that, how can he trust her with anything of importance to him ever again?
I understand not liking the first solution so the husband compromised like an adult and the wife couldn't.
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He was being unreasonable at first, but then he found a decent solution. I lost some sympathy for his wife. He raised the cat from a kitten and he was willing to part with the cat. She couldn't wait two more weeks? She lived with the cat for years as well. Pets are like family, too. It was unnecessary for her at that point to drop off the poor cat at a shelter.
This post is really upsetting. I wish I didn't read it. And the YTA comments are horrible.
NTA. I can relate to this guy. Animals become family members, and deserve to be respected as such. If this happened to me with my dog, I'd hold onto such deep anger and resentment towards the person who abandoned him at the shelter. I wouldn't be able to look at them, much less stay in a relationship with them. What the wife did was cruel, horrific, thoughtless, disrespectful, selfish, and callous.
Tbh I think some of the people that commented (on reddit) were too harsh. True, trying to find somewhere else for the pregnant wife to live is a little odd. However, HE FOUND A FREAKING SOLUTION AND SHE JUST DIDN'T LISTEN. Less than two more weeks is fast enough. His cat could have lived a nice week to four years more, in a loving home with the guys brother, but instead died of a heart attack because a dog lunged at him. The wife is a monster for thinking it's okay to just give his cat to a shelter. This man has had this cat longer than the wife, likely. I feel so bad for the cat and the man, and I fear for her child. That kid is gonna grow up in a quietly abusive household and that kid is gonna have trauma. If she ever gets that kid anything that the kid loves, she's gonna throw it in the dumpster the moment he shows any emotion other than gratitude for her. I hope he split with her and maybe got custody after the birth.
He is so nta and she is ta and heartless. He was working on a solution and the b just dumps the cat? I'd seriously consider divorce and fighting for simple custody of the kid. Because what's she gonna do if something is wrong with the baby? Dump the baby too. She's a royal c-nt.
OMG, this is AWFUL!!! I'm crying my eyes out! That wife is a see you next tuesday!
It doesn't matter when it happens in a relationship: when they ask you to get rid of your pet, it's over. A pet is family. It's as brutal and heartless to ask somebody to surrender a pet than giving away your previous children. The pills for the cat allergy will work. There is even a serum you can get every 6 months. The story just tells me this woman didn't love her man that much, otherwise she wouldn't break her heart this way, allergy or not. I live with a man who chose pill allergies :) my 2 cats lived and died with him, and we adopted two more cats together.
Also, there are a lot of women who feel that while they're pregnant, the world should revolve around them. Don't get me wrong, I have had two kids, and while I was pregnant I appreciated someone giving up a seat for me or whatever. But I think there are some who just feel the sun should rise and set on them and they should always be number one. Like brides who think it's their special day and everyone should kowtow to them. Fathers and grooms also have a part in these things.
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I love the original comment's poor wife what about her needs or the poor unborn baby f*****g c**t she killed his pet I have cats if someone did that to me I'd freaking kill them she murdered a family member but no poor her I freaking hate people I really do
What the fück, Reddit. Anyone who even thinks he's an àsshole deserves to have this happen to them. He found a solution with his brother, but instead the cat died alone and scared. This guy needs a divorce, kid or not.
Are you fvcking kidding me? She murdered his cat! Personally that would be divorce material for me. But then again I would never have married a heartless b!tch in the first place!
I can't believe all those people who said he's TA. He was trying to find solutions. She just wanted her way or the highway. Frankly, it's a red flag that she can't even wait 2 weeks, that she had to have it her way NOW.
This is really sad. I'm definitely team cat and it made me upset to hear of its passing.
If I was this guy, I don't think I could ever feel the same about my spouse again. It's not that he didn't love and care about his wife, it was that she should have understood how agonizing this was for him, but she was too self-centered to see it. Maybe, if she cared enough, they could have figured out a solution together. But this thing she did to prove a point--the fact that he didn't yell or argue with her, just asked where his cat was--there will always be a huge wedge between them; if the relationship survives at all.
She wouldn't even allow him time to come to terms to parting with his cat. Even if she hadn't taken it to the shelter, she wanted the cat out NOW. Those 2 weeks would have not only been a good compromise, but it also would have given the time to properly adjust, especially emotionally, to parting with his cat.
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NTA. OP was willing to compromise on rehoming his cat; wife was not. Two weeks at her parents' house wouldn't have killed her. It would have been the perfect solution: brother comes home, rehomes cat. Optional: OP has house and upholstery thoroughly cleaned before wife comes home, in order to remove any remaining dander. Win-win, all the way around. But NO-O-O-O-O-O-O, wife had to behave like a spoiled child and dump family cat in a shelter. She didn't actually kill the cat, but I'm sure that she knew that the chances of a 16-year-old cat being adopted were practically non-existent, and was probably hoping he would be euthanized before OP could get him back. Dying of what might have been a heart attack must have really made her day.
By now, she must have realized just how much she damaged her marriage, if there IS still a marriage. I can't work up any sympathy for anyone who treats animals so callously. I hope she's enjoying life as a single mother: no cat, and no husband. Hopefully, OP is living his best life--with one or more cats.
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I would be divorced so fast. I'm heartbroken over this one. I could never look at them the same after that. That woman may be pregnant but she had no right to what she did. I wish I hadn't of read this one.
First of all, no one wins here. Clearly he wanted what was best for everyone. I would have agreed for the two weeks, but no longer, since the cat deserves happiness too. If she was so allergic, taking him to a shelter must have been awful. But it's pretty awful to do that and act like it's cool.
Omg i felt this soooo much and i m very sorry. The pain you must be going through right now. I would go crazy. I don't care what others are saying at you here. They just don't know. This is unforgivable. You already know the answer and you know what to do. But know this isn't your fault. NOT YOUR FAULT. Stay far away from this woman and anyone who doesn't care about you and what this did to you. Go
That made me mad. I had rescued a cat many years ago. Made sure to get allergy tested first, was given green light I was not allergic. Four months into living with my first cat(bestest cat for first time cat mom) I developed allergies. Horrible hives that burned, was itchy and painful. I even ended up in ER twice for steroid shots because of the swelling. I didn't jump to drop him off at shelter. I waited to find a perfect home for him even though I was suffering. What the wife did here, heartless and very selfish. Poor OP, I feel for him.
i would leave the wife right away. she is an absolut monster. wishing the worst on her.
I would not be able to forgive someone who chose to hurt me so much - regardless of the circumstances - it shows their true character
I have lived with cat allergies all my life. I have been miserable around them even with allergy meds. That being said, I would never ask someone I care about to throw away a pet they have had for 16 years. That is heartless and shows who this woman really is. When someone tells you who they are, you should listen.
A few days after my mom's funeral (I was 14 when she died) my aunt who myself and my brother were left to,decided that my cousin (her daughter) was severly allergic to my cats. Mind you this same cousin was over my house every single day for almost two years with no issues. She boxed my two cats and took them to a shelter where they were put down. I lied to my brother and told him they had been adopted. I hate my aunt to this day. I wish I never read this post.
This is really sad. Poor cat. I don't know how the relationship is going to survive this, tbh
Wife is a horrible person! She could have waited the 2 weeks. Wah wah wah pregnancy is not a disability deserving special treatment. Better he found out now what a monster bizitch wifey really is, Hope he divorces her, and hopefully she treats her kid better than the poor, old cat. I have my doubts, people like her think their needs always come first.
This guy was actually trying to do the right thing for everybody. You can't just give up your pet when they become inconvenient. OP tried to accommodate his wife after trying to figure out a way to not have to give up beloved, senior cat. In an act of anger and selfishness, she took the matters into her own hands. She could have waited the 2 weeks, or stayed with parents/friends/or at hotel. The end result is the poor cat dying. It was most assuredly confused, scared, and heartbroken from being abandoned. OP is never going to be able to forget that little bit of knowledge. I doubt I would be able to forgive her, if I was in his shoes.
The wife is a cvnt. I would've divorced her. And then adopt five cats so when the kid comes over and returns home, it's full of dander.
You are most definitely NOT the AH in my opinion!! I've left people in the DUST who felt they were more important than my cats or dogs!!
I am devastated after reading your story. Animals CANNOT fend for themselves. Your wife SHOULD NEVER have taken your poor wee boy to a shelter in the first place!! She KNEW your brother was going to take your cat, why did your WIFE stay at her parents until your brother took your cat. Your cat nly knew YOU, WIFE and BROTHER. When taken to shelter he MUST have been terrified, not knowing why he was taken from his only home, looking for his Dad. Oh my goodness this story is making me cry and believe your wife is a HORROR. The first person who commented and feels you are the a*****e was full of hatred. My condolences for your beloved poor cat.
This is really horrible and unfair. I think the wife was completely in the wrong. He found a solution and was willing to give his cat to his brother. She had no right to take the cat to the shelter behind his back the way she did I realize she's pregnant and having his child -but that was just really mean There was no reason for it. She could have waited for the cat to get a good home. For those of you who think he was making his cat a priority it was deeper than that she had no regard for something he loved, and that is just not right
I would go scorched earth on this woman. I would spend the rest of my life making sure her life is as miserable as possible. I would go bankrupt getting lawyers to take everything I possibly could from her in a divorce.
And if wife continues to have allergy problem? Who is she going to blame?
He tried his best imo, he was clearly smart when he said moving could give the poor thing a heart attack...
I don't really understand the YTA crowd. Should his wife and baby have priority? Sure. But both of them moving to their parent''s house for 3 months isn't "kicking his wife out of the house", FFS. They just moving to a neutral place, where she will presumably also have the parents to attend to their needs. But it's all moot anyways because the guy who people were calling an a*****e had is heart stomped on the a*****e he was trying to find solutions for. F**k that lady for essentially killing his cat.
He tried to find an alternative. He knew the cat a lot longer than he knew her, and her actions killed the cat. He's NTA, but he needs to reconsider the relationship.
An allergy for two more weeks wouldn't have killed her and being pregnant is not that special, she'd be a single mom if it had been my pet.
she could have waited those 2 weeks, There was No harm in it, there was n harm to her or the baby, since the allargys were labeled as bad, she must have got like sneezes from it.... my brother is alurgic to cats, Like puff ups need meds kind... his GF has a cat she love s and has had since it was a kitten..... he Let her keep it and even let her get another so it wasn't lonely, he takes some meds, and washes his clothes every day, but he can deal with it...... She couldn't cause she was preg and pissed that he loved that cat so much, She COULD HAVE WAITED, SHE DID NOT WANT TO, she even told him SHE DID NOT WANT TO WAIT....... She Killed that cat, Sure the dog scared it, but it shouldn't have been there... All i can say is I hope she loses something to something as horrible as that.....
I would file for divorce over this. Someone who dumps their spouse’s old companion of 16 years in a terrifying environment where it’s very commonly known they might die is not someone I could trust or care about ever again. When I moved in with my fiancé he had a dog, she happened to be a dog breed I am allergic to, at first everything was fine but suddenly I started getting severe allergic reactions (as in actually barely being able to breathe). We ended up in a situation like OP, we decided to find a suitable new home for the dog and I agreed to be on anti-allergy medication until then. Some days when it was too bad I went to stay with my friend for a day or two to recover and then return. We sat down and made a list of what kind of home and people we wanted for her. We found her a perfect new home after 4 months and still visit from time to time. I didn’t even know the dog for that long and I could never even have thought of dumping her at a pound/shelter like this. What a horrific end to this story, I hoped to read an update where OP divorced her.
If this is a true story, then NTAH. He found a solution, she killed it. Literally. I have a senior dog I raised from 5 weeks old. There's no way I'm dumping him in some shelter, scared and alone. Unless it's a no kill shelter, he'd most likely be euthanized, as would OOPs cat. I'm also extremely allergic to cats, but I would never EVER do something like this wife did. As it goes with a lot of these stories, we're only hearing one side. Even so, that's the wrong way to have handled it. No I'm
My husband and I had 3 cats that’d we raised together since they were kittens. We loved them very much. Once we had a child we ended up learning he was quite allergic to cats. We tried different kinds of solutions but ultimately we could not keep them. I 100% chose my child’s health and comfort over my cats. But we took the time to find good homes with people who would love and care for them. We gave them away when he was maybe 10 months old?One of the cats was very very much MY baby and I will randomly think of him, how he probably struggled to adjust to a new house, new humans, losing me. I know that was traumatic for all 3 cats and I feel sad about that. And I have absolutely no regrets with our decision. I do feel what we did was significantly different than what this wife did. We weren’t disregarding their lives and dumping them somewhere for them to be alone and scared, which is what I see the wife having done. We also had long discussions and went over multiple scenarios
Before we gave our cats away. So we weren’t disregarding someone else’s relationship with their cat either. I think the man loved his cat and I don’t think he prioritized the cat over his wife and child because ultimately he came up with the least traumatic way to remove the cat from their home. I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable to be hopeful that allergies would not persist after his wife gave birth. I see why it was so hard for him to agree to give up his cat. I also would expect him to land on prioritizing his wife and child I er a pet, but he needed to work through that emotionally. The woman not being able to wait two weeks was not fair. This is just a sad story where no one is really “right” although the level of a-hole-ness varies from person to person.
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At first he was the AH. But THEN! She became the AH because she couldn’t man tf up and wait two more weeks. She is pregnant, not disabled. She couldn’t suck it up for two more weeks out of love for her husband?? Such an AH! Also the shelter, what kind of dumb people work there? Damn… I guess everyone was at one point the AH in this story.
Being someone who was raised as "a pet is family," I don't envy either party. I felt for the wife, pregnancy (esp the first) can be a tough issue. However, I didn't agree with the moving in with family and giving the old cat run of the house (seems rather excessive.) The wife became the AH taking an old pet to a shelter almost always means a death sentence. I can understand (sort of) her frustration, but to do that behind his back is just horrible. She could have waited 2 weeks and the cat would be gone to a loving family member. Instead he died of fright and shock, alone. I agree with many here, the marriage may not survive this. And for the YTA people, for f*** sake, let the guy grieve. 16 years is a long time to be attached to a soul.
probably no one will see this, but my thought is the age of the cat. it was probably shedding more, maybe missing, or outright not using, the litter box, etc and the wife was fed up. thats why i think she wasnt willing to wait any longer. OP says he was worried about rehoming due to the cats advanced age, it could die from the stress, and that is exactly what happened. I can't imagine OP didn't reveal this thought (fear) to the wife at some point. if so, her actions were inexcusable. i hope their child is very healthy because i don't think she will have a good bedside manner ETA if her allergies suddenly disappear now the cat is gone then she was lying, as there would still be cat fur and dander all over their home
Even if the cat was young and healthy and no problems, at a bare minimum she wasn't even giving him time to process separating from the cat. And she undermined the trust at a very deep level. This is what makes the marriage possibly unsurvivable, even if we take out the fact that it's a beloved pet. She got rid of something she knew he loved. So should he be worried every day now what next she will be getting rid of that's his just because it's not what she wants?
Load More Replies... Did OPs wife even consult with a doctor about what she could do medically while she and her husband work out a compromise? This allergy developed gestationally -- she must have discussed SOMETHING with her doctor. To just go, "I've just developed an irritating allergy. Husband's being stubborn. I'm dumping this senior animal at a shelter as fast as I can and IDC what happens to it." was neither smart nor caring. Yeah, he was a dope about the separate houses thing at first, but they're probably going to need them now, after all. There's no way their marriage is surviving without some serious counselling.
The way she reacted, and so swiftly, you know she used the allergy as an excuse to get rid of the cat that she probably never liked or wanted.
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She probably shouldn't have taken the car to the shelter, but if he hadn't prioritized his cat over his pregnant wife it wouldn't have happened. This will probably set a world record for down votes, but I don't care. I will never understand animals being more important than the person who should be the most important in your life.
To most people, pets are family. The way we bond with them are similar to how we bond with children. Regardless of it, he still did find a solutuion to remove the cat. That she decided wasn't good enough.
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I hope not. The poor reincarnated cat deserves better than having her as a mom.
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Of course it is her fault- what kind of person treats a pet like that. This is a living being not a toy you just toss in the trash when you tire of it. The cat was a family member her husbsnd cared for for 16 years - she obviously not only hated the cat, but also does not give a funktioniert about her husbsnds feelings. Disgusting!
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This bummed me out. Poor cat lives for 16 years in a loving home only to die alone and scared. This is so sad. 🥺
Honestly, if it were me, that would absolutely ruin the relationship. He had found a solution, and she decided the cat was better off dead. A 16-year-old cat in a shelter will die there. The vast majority of cats never leave the shelter. She might as well have tied him in a plastic bag and dumped him -- what she did was just as cruel, just as fatal, and just as preventable. She is not a good person.
Load More Replies... I am worried about how she'll treat a child if that's how she treats an animal
Load More Replies... He was YTA until he found a solution to give the cat to his brother. His wife should always come first and pregnancy is hard enough. But he realised that and started the process to separate from a pet he had loved and raised, which is hard too. Then she became TA for killing the cat. And there the pregnancy was not enough to excuse that.
I agree. Moving in with your parents wasn't a solution. I'm very allergic to dogs and even with allergy meds, I'm miserable. So I understand how 2 weeks would be brutal. But, given the situation, I think staying somewhere else until the cat could be rehomed while annoying, is a fair compromise. I generally think someone who's pregnant should be given some leeway if their being an AH, but in case, pregnant or not, that wasn't ok to go behind her spouses back and to give up their cat. This post really bummed me out. That poor cat. 😢
Load More Replies... I would have to divorce. Everyt time I saw her all I'd see is the b***h who killed my cat. The person who didn't care about me, or a helpless animal, enough to tough it out for two weeks. That kid is in for a rough childhood, she clearly doesn't do well with dependents and the helpless. Pregnancy does NOT make you the center of the universe.
Same. I couldn’t be with someone who could treat my beloved pet so callously, allergies be damned.
Load More Replies... This is so heartbreaking he had to be abandoned then die alone and scared. What an absolute bi*** and I can't believe all the horrible people saying YTA he had that cat 16 yrs I don't care if the absolute T*** is pregnant that doesn't mean she's above that cat. I would shove her out to her parents straight away and the only thing that would be saving her from my anger is that baby inside of her. Disgusting I wish I'd never read this
Divorce. Now. She's been hiding her true colors for years, but it's all in the open now.
You can be sure she won't even mention how she went behind his back and wasn't able to even compromise for a short period of time and will instead tell everyone, "He divorced me over his cat!" because that will make people think he's being unreasonable.
Load More Replies... Couple have problem. Man suggests solution. Wife (rightly) says solution is unacceptable. Man suggests new solution. Wife takes matters into her own hands and is irresponsible for killing beloved pet. Have I basically got it right?
That's what I got out of it; tough situation, guy came around but wasn't allowed much time, wife disregards his feelings and history with the pet and goes rogue behind his back. If I found a solution like that and only needed a couple weeks of her being on allergy meds to finalize this 16 year long relationship with the pet, I'd be very hurt by her actions.
Load More Replies... That update was awful. She's broken his heart and his trust in a really major way. I hope they don't just stay together "for the sake of the kid"
Having pets is like having children or getting married, it is a lifetime commitment, you cannot change your mind about providing for your pets well-being because it all gets too hard. You wouldn't change your mind about caring for your children or partner if they got sick would you? He tried to work the problem with everyone's best interest in mind. Wife was only interested in her own best interests. 2 weeks with her parents wasn't gonna kill her, it's not a huge sacrifice to protect the well-being of another family member who has been there for 16 years and is also vulnerable. She is a callous biatch and that's gonna keep showing up in her relationship with her husband and her children, I can't see this marriage surviving unless she changes in a radical way. They are diametrically opposites in terms of what they consider honourable and ethical behaviour towards those who need them.
In all honesty. Rehoming a 16 y.o. cat is like rehoming a 90 y.o. person. It's far more fragile. People who are saying he is the AT because his wife is pregnant really isn't taking into consideration the fact how old this cat is... She's pregnant not dying of cancer. It really wasn't a fair comparison and having her live at her parents for 2 weeks until his brother came wouldn't have been a big deal. I personally would end the relationship. I couldn't possibly overlook how cruel and heartless of a decision she made.
Guess I'm the crazy animal loving minority but I think the guy is NTA and the fact the woman ended up killing the cat is just BS. I would have rathered put the cat down with me at it's side before letting him die scared, alone and traumatized in a shelter.
I think all you YTA people are absolute monsters. Down vote I don't care at least a few of you will see this and know that at least one person thinks you are a terrible human being.
Moving himself and the wife so the cat can stay, not a solution. But I can't believe the wife's first thought is to give the cat to a shelter instead of asking if a friend, or her parents could take care of it for the two weeks. Like how cold can you be? Did you hate the cat this entire time?
Probably. She just played the allergic-and-pregnant card in order to get rid of the cat. Taking the cat to the shelter went way over the line. She may very well have tanked her marriage.
Load More Replies... if i as in this wife's shoes, i'd be talking to my doctor about allergy tablets, or finding a way to keep the cat in on part of the house, or finding a relative to house the cat until we can figure out if the allergy mellows out. no way would i ever ever do this to a cat, regardless of how long its been with us. my bio mom used to get us pets only to take them to the country side or to kill shelters an time she got mad and that as her means of punishing us. i refuse to turn over a cat to a shelter. id rather put in the work to find a good human that i know will take care of them. nta. get counseling and figure out if this is a person you can continue to live with
Call me whatever you want. I would, without thought, pick my pets over any human, any day. 🤷🏼♀️
He should lawyer up and divorce the wife. Request DNA test for the new baby. Make her life miserable.
This was posted on Reddit a year ago. That makes me angry because I can't comment on it. He was found to be an AH. Despite what his b!tch wife did. That poor cat died alone and scared. I hope to god he divorced her, I could never ever forgive someone that did that to me
I wish we got an update on whether they're still together or if they divorced.
Load More Replies... OP's brother is right - wife is a murderer. That poor cat died alone and absolutely terrified! The one person it knew adn trusted it's whole life wasn't there and it thought it was going to be eaten by that dog. Absolutely horrible and unforgivable! Wife is one of those women who think that once they're pregnant that the whole world has to fall to its knees to worship her and cater to whatever whim she has. Since her little bundle is the be all and end all of everything, It would serve her right for OP to leave and let her raise her little precious on her own. 😠
If the wife can do that to an elderly cat . Specially a cat that she knows for 7 years... then I wouldnt trust her with a kid. if you can not act like a decent human being with an animal, then forget about being a decent parent or a decent partner. I would divorce her right away k. She showed her true colors, and those are the colors of cruelty , ignorance and selfishness . Massive red flags. Her allergy is probably going to go away after the kid is born and all would be for nothing. Disgusting!
You know she would have found another excuse to get rid of the cat even if her allergy went away. She'll say a cat shouldn't be around babies.
Load More Replies... NTA, And all the people on here saying you are, are evil a*s people that don't deserve pets, or kids or any love in their lives at all. You all are evil f*****g people. May you never be allowed to own pets again, you sick f***s.
This isn't even about picking the cat over a spouse, or even about her inability to compromise. It's now about the utter betrayal she caused by going behind his back and go rid of something he loved. She turned a bad situation into something that might not even be reparable.
Load More Replies... It really doesn't matter who is wrong or right or what would have been the best solution anymore. The fact is that this elderly cat died, not at home and peaceful, but discarded, alone and scared. Will he be able to move past this? Perhaps. The death of a pet can be every bit as traumatic as the death of a human being. I would have gladly stayed somewhere else for two weeks, for what is two weeks when it comes to a cat of this advanced age? I had a dog that, nearing the end of his life, needed a lot of care. I could never forgive myself if, after all the love and companionship my dog showed me for fourteen years, I couldn't muster up the will to nurse him and eventually put him to sleep in his own bed in his own home, being cuddled by us.
I'm wondering how bad the allergies were. I developed mild allergies to cat and dog dander (I had a dog and two cats) whilst pregnant. Itchy, watery eyes, and some mild hives. I didn't give up my fur babies. After my pregnancy, they abated a bit, but are still present 13 years later. Oh, well. I love my cat and dog, and wouldn't dream of giving them away. Unless she developed major allergy symptoms, I don't see why the cat had to go. My guess is she simply didn't want to deal with having a cat anymore.
NTA - I’d leave the b***h and not think twice & just co-parent. My husband was allergic to cats and I told him point blank that the cats were here before him and will be here after him. He got a shot once a month for the allergy and eventually he was no longer allergic for whatever reason. SHE LITERALLY MURDERED YOUR CAT - that cat died an agonizing and very scary death, how can you possibly stay with that damn psychopath?! She’s not worth it in any capacity.
Flat out, guy needs to ditch the wife. Taking his pet of 16 years to a shelter after he's finally come to a solution he can live with? F*)) her and f@#$ everyone who voted him TA for trying to find a solution that didn't traumatize a loyal companion. I'm so pissed right now. Any person who would do that deserves to feel shame for the rest of their days... I'd have left the shelter and headed straight to a lawyer's office.
The people saying "It's just a cat! Your wife takes priority!" In the YTA comments SURE. Let's step up above the fact that an animal is a living being, and that this one died confused and terrified... Just for a second, it's just a stupid cat. That leaves us with OP who's been working hard on on a problem that's incredibly important to him. He's being very careful, taking his time, making sure he does it right. It is causing his wife problems, which he knows, which is why he's not putting it off, but it's still going to take time. She only sees HER problem and doesn't care at all about how important this is to her husband, and doesn't care when he tells her why her suggestions and demands aren't the right way to fix this. She waits until his back is turned, swoops in, and throws all his hard careful work in the garbage. He finds out, but too late. After all that, how can he trust her with anything of importance to him ever again?
I understand not liking the first solution so the husband compromised like an adult and the wife couldn't.
Load More Replies... He was being unreasonable at first, but then he found a decent solution. I lost some sympathy for his wife. He raised the cat from a kitten and he was willing to part with the cat. She couldn't wait two more weeks? She lived with the cat for years as well. Pets are like family, too. It was unnecessary for her at that point to drop off the poor cat at a shelter.
This post is really upsetting. I wish I didn't read it. And the YTA comments are horrible.
NTA. I can relate to this guy. Animals become family members, and deserve to be respected as such. If this happened to me with my dog, I'd hold onto such deep anger and resentment towards the person who abandoned him at the shelter. I wouldn't be able to look at them, much less stay in a relationship with them. What the wife did was cruel, horrific, thoughtless, disrespectful, selfish, and callous.
Tbh I think some of the people that commented (on reddit) were too harsh. True, trying to find somewhere else for the pregnant wife to live is a little odd. However, HE FOUND A FREAKING SOLUTION AND SHE JUST DIDN'T LISTEN. Less than two more weeks is fast enough. His cat could have lived a nice week to four years more, in a loving home with the guys brother, but instead died of a heart attack because a dog lunged at him. The wife is a monster for thinking it's okay to just give his cat to a shelter. This man has had this cat longer than the wife, likely. I feel so bad for the cat and the man, and I fear for her child. That kid is gonna grow up in a quietly abusive household and that kid is gonna have trauma. If she ever gets that kid anything that the kid loves, she's gonna throw it in the dumpster the moment he shows any emotion other than gratitude for her. I hope he split with her and maybe got custody after the birth.
He is so nta and she is ta and heartless. He was working on a solution and the b just dumps the cat? I'd seriously consider divorce and fighting for simple custody of the kid. Because what's she gonna do if something is wrong with the baby? Dump the baby too. She's a royal c-nt.
OMG, this is AWFUL!!! I'm crying my eyes out! That wife is a see you next tuesday!
It doesn't matter when it happens in a relationship: when they ask you to get rid of your pet, it's over. A pet is family. It's as brutal and heartless to ask somebody to surrender a pet than giving away your previous children. The pills for the cat allergy will work. There is even a serum you can get every 6 months. The story just tells me this woman didn't love her man that much, otherwise she wouldn't break her heart this way, allergy or not. I live with a man who chose pill allergies :) my 2 cats lived and died with him, and we adopted two more cats together.
Also, there are a lot of women who feel that while they're pregnant, the world should revolve around them. Don't get me wrong, I have had two kids, and while I was pregnant I appreciated someone giving up a seat for me or whatever. But I think there are some who just feel the sun should rise and set on them and they should always be number one. Like brides who think it's their special day and everyone should kowtow to them. Fathers and grooms also have a part in these things.
Load More Replies... I love the original comment's poor wife what about her needs or the poor unborn baby f*****g c**t she killed his pet I have cats if someone did that to me I'd freaking kill them she murdered a family member but no poor her I freaking hate people I really do
What the fück, Reddit. Anyone who even thinks he's an àsshole deserves to have this happen to them. He found a solution with his brother, but instead the cat died alone and scared. This guy needs a divorce, kid or not.
Are you fvcking kidding me? She murdered his cat! Personally that would be divorce material for me. But then again I would never have married a heartless b!tch in the first place!
I can't believe all those people who said he's TA. He was trying to find solutions. She just wanted her way or the highway. Frankly, it's a red flag that she can't even wait 2 weeks, that she had to have it her way NOW.
This is really sad. I'm definitely team cat and it made me upset to hear of its passing.
If I was this guy, I don't think I could ever feel the same about my spouse again. It's not that he didn't love and care about his wife, it was that she should have understood how agonizing this was for him, but she was too self-centered to see it. Maybe, if she cared enough, they could have figured out a solution together. But this thing she did to prove a point--the fact that he didn't yell or argue with her, just asked where his cat was--there will always be a huge wedge between them; if the relationship survives at all.
She wouldn't even allow him time to come to terms to parting with his cat. Even if she hadn't taken it to the shelter, she wanted the cat out NOW. Those 2 weeks would have not only been a good compromise, but it also would have given the time to properly adjust, especially emotionally, to parting with his cat.
Load More Replies... NTA. OP was willing to compromise on rehoming his cat; wife was not. Two weeks at her parents' house wouldn't have killed her. It would have been the perfect solution: brother comes home, rehomes cat. Optional: OP has house and upholstery thoroughly cleaned before wife comes home, in order to remove any remaining dander. Win-win, all the way around. But NO-O-O-O-O-O-O, wife had to behave like a spoiled child and dump family cat in a shelter. She didn't actually kill the cat, but I'm sure that she knew that the chances of a 16-year-old cat being adopted were practically non-existent, and was probably hoping he would be euthanized before OP could get him back. Dying of what might have been a heart attack must have really made her day.
By now, she must have realized just how much she damaged her marriage, if there IS still a marriage. I can't work up any sympathy for anyone who treats animals so callously. I hope she's enjoying life as a single mother: no cat, and no husband. Hopefully, OP is living his best life--with one or more cats.
Load More Replies... I would be divorced so fast. I'm heartbroken over this one. I could never look at them the same after that. That woman may be pregnant but she had no right to what she did. I wish I hadn't of read this one.
First of all, no one wins here. Clearly he wanted what was best for everyone. I would have agreed for the two weeks, but no longer, since the cat deserves happiness too. If she was so allergic, taking him to a shelter must have been awful. But it's pretty awful to do that and act like it's cool.
Omg i felt this soooo much and i m very sorry. The pain you must be going through right now. I would go crazy. I don't care what others are saying at you here. They just don't know. This is unforgivable. You already know the answer and you know what to do. But know this isn't your fault. NOT YOUR FAULT. Stay far away from this woman and anyone who doesn't care about you and what this did to you. Go
That made me mad. I had rescued a cat many years ago. Made sure to get allergy tested first, was given green light I was not allergic. Four months into living with my first cat(bestest cat for first time cat mom) I developed allergies. Horrible hives that burned, was itchy and painful. I even ended up in ER twice for steroid shots because of the swelling. I didn't jump to drop him off at shelter. I waited to find a perfect home for him even though I was suffering. What the wife did here, heartless and very selfish. Poor OP, I feel for him.
i would leave the wife right away. she is an absolut monster. wishing the worst on her.
I would not be able to forgive someone who chose to hurt me so much - regardless of the circumstances - it shows their true character
I have lived with cat allergies all my life. I have been miserable around them even with allergy meds. That being said, I would never ask someone I care about to throw away a pet they have had for 16 years. That is heartless and shows who this woman really is. When someone tells you who they are, you should listen.
A few days after my mom's funeral (I was 14 when she died) my aunt who myself and my brother were left to,decided that my cousin (her daughter) was severly allergic to my cats. Mind you this same cousin was over my house every single day for almost two years with no issues. She boxed my two cats and took them to a shelter where they were put down. I lied to my brother and told him they had been adopted. I hate my aunt to this day. I wish I never read this post.
This is really sad. Poor cat. I don't know how the relationship is going to survive this, tbh
Wife is a horrible person! She could have waited the 2 weeks. Wah wah wah pregnancy is not a disability deserving special treatment. Better he found out now what a monster bizitch wifey really is, Hope he divorces her, and hopefully she treats her kid better than the poor, old cat. I have my doubts, people like her think their needs always come first.
This guy was actually trying to do the right thing for everybody. You can't just give up your pet when they become inconvenient. OP tried to accommodate his wife after trying to figure out a way to not have to give up beloved, senior cat. In an act of anger and selfishness, she took the matters into her own hands. She could have waited the 2 weeks, or stayed with parents/friends/or at hotel. The end result is the poor cat dying. It was most assuredly confused, scared, and heartbroken from being abandoned. OP is never going to be able to forget that little bit of knowledge. I doubt I would be able to forgive her, if I was in his shoes.
The wife is a cvnt. I would've divorced her. And then adopt five cats so when the kid comes over and returns home, it's full of dander.
You are most definitely NOT the AH in my opinion!! I've left people in the DUST who felt they were more important than my cats or dogs!!
I am devastated after reading your story. Animals CANNOT fend for themselves. Your wife SHOULD NEVER have taken your poor wee boy to a shelter in the first place!! She KNEW your brother was going to take your cat, why did your WIFE stay at her parents until your brother took your cat. Your cat nly knew YOU, WIFE and BROTHER. When taken to shelter he MUST have been terrified, not knowing why he was taken from his only home, looking for his Dad. Oh my goodness this story is making me cry and believe your wife is a HORROR. The first person who commented and feels you are the a*****e was full of hatred. My condolences for your beloved poor cat.
This is really horrible and unfair. I think the wife was completely in the wrong. He found a solution and was willing to give his cat to his brother. She had no right to take the cat to the shelter behind his back the way she did I realize she's pregnant and having his child -but that was just really mean There was no reason for it. She could have waited for the cat to get a good home. For those of you who think he was making his cat a priority it was deeper than that she had no regard for something he loved, and that is just not right
I would go scorched earth on this woman. I would spend the rest of my life making sure her life is as miserable as possible. I would go bankrupt getting lawyers to take everything I possibly could from her in a divorce.
And if wife continues to have allergy problem? Who is she going to blame?
He tried his best imo, he was clearly smart when he said moving could give the poor thing a heart attack...
I don't really understand the YTA crowd. Should his wife and baby have priority? Sure. But both of them moving to their parent''s house for 3 months isn't "kicking his wife out of the house", FFS. They just moving to a neutral place, where she will presumably also have the parents to attend to their needs. But it's all moot anyways because the guy who people were calling an a*****e had is heart stomped on the a*****e he was trying to find solutions for. F**k that lady for essentially killing his cat.
He tried to find an alternative. He knew the cat a lot longer than he knew her, and her actions killed the cat. He's NTA, but he needs to reconsider the relationship.
An allergy for two more weeks wouldn't have killed her and being pregnant is not that special, she'd be a single mom if it had been my pet.
she could have waited those 2 weeks, There was No harm in it, there was n harm to her or the baby, since the allargys were labeled as bad, she must have got like sneezes from it.... my brother is alurgic to cats, Like puff ups need meds kind... his GF has a cat she love s and has had since it was a kitten..... he Let her keep it and even let her get another so it wasn't lonely, he takes some meds, and washes his clothes every day, but he can deal with it...... She couldn't cause she was preg and pissed that he loved that cat so much, She COULD HAVE WAITED, SHE DID NOT WANT TO, she even told him SHE DID NOT WANT TO WAIT....... She Killed that cat, Sure the dog scared it, but it shouldn't have been there... All i can say is I hope she loses something to something as horrible as that.....
I would file for divorce over this. Someone who dumps their spouse’s old companion of 16 years in a terrifying environment where it’s very commonly known they might die is not someone I could trust or care about ever again. When I moved in with my fiancé he had a dog, she happened to be a dog breed I am allergic to, at first everything was fine but suddenly I started getting severe allergic reactions (as in actually barely being able to breathe). We ended up in a situation like OP, we decided to find a suitable new home for the dog and I agreed to be on anti-allergy medication until then. Some days when it was too bad I went to stay with my friend for a day or two to recover and then return. We sat down and made a list of what kind of home and people we wanted for her. We found her a perfect new home after 4 months and still visit from time to time. I didn’t even know the dog for that long and I could never even have thought of dumping her at a pound/shelter like this. What a horrific end to this story, I hoped to read an update where OP divorced her.
If this is a true story, then NTAH. He found a solution, she killed it. Literally. I have a senior dog I raised from 5 weeks old. There's no way I'm dumping him in some shelter, scared and alone. Unless it's a no kill shelter, he'd most likely be euthanized, as would OOPs cat. I'm also extremely allergic to cats, but I would never EVER do something like this wife did. As it goes with a lot of these stories, we're only hearing one side. Even so, that's the wrong way to have handled it. No I'm
My husband and I had 3 cats that’d we raised together since they were kittens. We loved them very much. Once we had a child we ended up learning he was quite allergic to cats. We tried different kinds of solutions but ultimately we could not keep them. I 100% chose my child’s health and comfort over my cats. But we took the time to find good homes with people who would love and care for them. We gave them away when he was maybe 10 months old?One of the cats was very very much MY baby and I will randomly think of him, how he probably struggled to adjust to a new house, new humans, losing me. I know that was traumatic for all 3 cats and I feel sad about that. And I have absolutely no regrets with our decision. I do feel what we did was significantly different than what this wife did. We weren’t disregarding their lives and dumping them somewhere for them to be alone and scared, which is what I see the wife having done. We also had long discussions and went over multiple scenarios
Before we gave our cats away. So we weren’t disregarding someone else’s relationship with their cat either. I think the man loved his cat and I don’t think he prioritized the cat over his wife and child because ultimately he came up with the least traumatic way to remove the cat from their home. I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable to be hopeful that allergies would not persist after his wife gave birth. I see why it was so hard for him to agree to give up his cat. I also would expect him to land on prioritizing his wife and child I er a pet, but he needed to work through that emotionally. The woman not being able to wait two weeks was not fair. This is just a sad story where no one is really “right” although the level of a-hole-ness varies from person to person.
Load More Replies... At first he was the AH. But THEN! She became the AH because she couldn’t man tf up and wait two more weeks. She is pregnant, not disabled. She couldn’t suck it up for two more weeks out of love for her husband?? Such an AH! Also the shelter, what kind of dumb people work there? Damn… I guess everyone was at one point the AH in this story.
Being someone who was raised as "a pet is family," I don't envy either party. I felt for the wife, pregnancy (esp the first) can be a tough issue. However, I didn't agree with the moving in with family and giving the old cat run of the house (seems rather excessive.) The wife became the AH taking an old pet to a shelter almost always means a death sentence. I can understand (sort of) her frustration, but to do that behind his back is just horrible. She could have waited 2 weeks and the cat would be gone to a loving family member. Instead he died of fright and shock, alone. I agree with many here, the marriage may not survive this. And for the YTA people, for f*** sake, let the guy grieve. 16 years is a long time to be attached to a soul.
probably no one will see this, but my thought is the age of the cat. it was probably shedding more, maybe missing, or outright not using, the litter box, etc and the wife was fed up. thats why i think she wasnt willing to wait any longer. OP says he was worried about rehoming due to the cats advanced age, it could die from the stress, and that is exactly what happened. I can't imagine OP didn't reveal this thought (fear) to the wife at some point. if so, her actions were inexcusable. i hope their child is very healthy because i don't think she will have a good bedside manner ETA if her allergies suddenly disappear now the cat is gone then she was lying, as there would still be cat fur and dander all over their home
Even if the cat was young and healthy and no problems, at a bare minimum she wasn't even giving him time to process separating from the cat. And she undermined the trust at a very deep level. This is what makes the marriage possibly unsurvivable, even if we take out the fact that it's a beloved pet. She got rid of something she knew he loved. So should he be worried every day now what next she will be getting rid of that's his just because it's not what she wants?
Load More Replies... Did OPs wife even consult with a doctor about what she could do medically while she and her husband work out a compromise? This allergy developed gestationally -- she must have discussed SOMETHING with her doctor. To just go, "I've just developed an irritating allergy. Husband's being stubborn. I'm dumping this senior animal at a shelter as fast as I can and IDC what happens to it." was neither smart nor caring. Yeah, he was a dope about the separate houses thing at first, but they're probably going to need them now, after all. There's no way their marriage is surviving without some serious counselling.
The way she reacted, and so swiftly, you know she used the allergy as an excuse to get rid of the cat that she probably never liked or wanted.
Load More Replies... She probably shouldn't have taken the car to the shelter, but if he hadn't prioritized his cat over his pregnant wife it wouldn't have happened. This will probably set a world record for down votes, but I don't care. I will never understand animals being more important than the person who should be the most important in your life.
To most people, pets are family. The way we bond with them are similar to how we bond with children. Regardless of it, he still did find a solutuion to remove the cat. That she decided wasn't good enough.
Load More Replies... I hope not. The poor reincarnated cat deserves better than having her as a mom.
Load More Replies... Of course it is her fault- what kind of person treats a pet like that. This is a living being not a toy you just toss in the trash when you tire of it. The cat was a family member her husbsnd cared for for 16 years - she obviously not only hated the cat, but also does not give a funktioniert about her husbsnds feelings. Disgusting!
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