Son Starts Making Plans To Move Out After Mom Hikes Rent, She Is Shocked
Interview With ExpertThe luxury of staying at home rent-free is a privilege, not afforded to many. The moment you turn 18, you are often expected to become independent. You might have to say goodbye to free food, internet, and most importantly, free rent. This poster, though he has been living with his parents, has been paying a weekly rent of $60. However, with a recent job promotion, his rent needs to increase. This has sparked some drama as he plans his exit from the family home.
More info: Reddit
Having a roof provided by family is a gift many are not afforded
Image credits: todd kent (not the actual photo)
The poster got a new job, which came with a pay increase, and a rent increase, which came from his mother
Image credits: Le Creuset (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
This did not meet him well and he informed his mother that he will move out
Image credits: Johnyb183
Now his mother is displeased with him and he is also angry with his mom that she will charge him for rent
The 25-year-old Redditor has been paying rent at his parents’ home for a few years now. Recently, he started a well-paying temp job, but his mother significantly raised the rent to $150 per week.
Shocked by this increase, he informed his mother that he would be moving out. He reasoned that he could already afford his own meals and only had a small bedroom in the house.
From his perspective, he could rent a studio apartment larger than his room for only a few hundred dollars more than what his mom was charging. The poster also pointed out that he paid his own bills and rarely interacted with his parents except when returning home from work.
While his mother was angry at him for voicing his concerns, the author is also upset that his own mother would ask him to pay an amount equivalent to what he would pay a landlord to simply sleep in the house. The author argues that if he were going to pay so much, he deserves a space of his own.
Image credits: ClatieK (not the actual photo)
Apparently, the rent debate is a bit more one-sided than we initially thought. According to the author in the comments section, only the OP’s mom wants him to pay rent, while his dad doesn’t care.
“Charging rent is a perfectly reasonable request by a parent given her ‘child’ is now financially independent,” shared Michael Ungar, Canada Research Chair in Child, Family and Community Resilience, Director, Resilience Research Centre, Dalhousie University, with Bored Panda.
The expert discussed the author’s housing expectations, which is pretty interesting considering that he made mention that he could easily find accommodation for less or about the same amount with far more benefits, though he then seems to suggest that for his small amount of rent, he should get housekeeping services as well.
“Evidently there is some confusion here, as I’m not aware of any living arrangement at that price that would provide all of those services.” He added “Perhaps the mother is simply tired of having a child at home who is obviously not appreciating the support he receives or perhaps the mother would simply like to finally have her own space?”
Michael points out that the rent may be the author’s mom‘s gentle way of suggesting her child seek other housing after 25 years. “It is a culturally odd way, too, that we raise children. While other cultures would never charge a 25-year-old rent, there would be every expectation that the mother would move in with her child as she gets older. Might the author of the post consider this?”
Finally, he shared that in some instances, parents will ‘bank’ the larger rent as a savings plan for their child and return the money to them in the form of a down payment on a house later in life. There are plenty of things to consider in this example, but a grown man living with his mother and not contributing equally to the household seems a little exploitive of a parent’s goodwill.
You can check out Michael’s blog and new book “Working with Children and Youth with Complex Needs: 20 Skills to Build Resilience (2nd Ed.)”
With that said, what are your thoughts on the story? Do you believe his reaction is a tad too much or justified given the situation? Make sure to share everything important in the comments below.
The comment section was conflicting, with many saying he was not the jerk, yet also admitting that the author was a little bit entitled in his thought process
The mother is the AH for being cheesed off. She has chosen to convert the arrangement to a financial transaction. That is her right. As such, the OP is free to terminate the business arrangement and move out. If you change the rules, don’t be upset that people don’t want to play anymore.
My thoughts as well. Mom (seemingly) has reduced their relationship to one of business. Anyone, if put it the situation of having their rent increased, will shop for a situation that's more beneficial to them. She should not be surprised that the OP has chosen to respond this way, she might be surprised by the sudden loss of income her son provided. I'll bet that after the 2nd month she will wish she had a do-over. Classic FAFO.
Load More Replies...I think this is odd. The parents don't need the money: they have enough of their own. Why not let their son save up a decent amount so that he can move to a decent apartment in a decent part of town/city? I paid not rent, but a contribution to my mother, because she lived on the absolute minimum: no problem with that. We didn't ask our son to pay rent: instead, he saved everything so that when he got his apartment, he was able to buy a decent bed, some furniture and household basics. Why make things harder than they have to be?
You and your mom did it right. This is exactly how I think it should be if you’re not a trashy and hateful person. Of course an adult child should CONTRIBUTE to their own household and parents if the parents need the help. It isn’t rent. And of course parents who don’t need the help shouldn’t demand rent like a stranger off the street, but rather expect the kid save up for their own future.
Load More Replies...It feels like OP is already chipping in with a bunch of stuff considering how they pay for half the Wi-Fi all of the streaming subscriptions and the phone plan. Let's be real, in this economy even someone in their mid to late twenties would struggle, especially if they're still going to school and can't have a full-time job yet.
They'll be in for a cold surprise when anything goes wrong. Like a washing machine breaking down. Oh OP isn't paying for any insurance or the other things listed by the last replyer?
Load More Replies...I wonder if the parents(mom) are trying to get their grown child to leave? And I suspect said child is in for a big surprise. Lots of bills he never had to think about are in his future.
It doesn't seem that way, since mom got angry when OP talked about moving out. If anything, raising rent when OP got a better-paying job seems calculated to make it more difficult for OP to save up and leave the nest.
Load More Replies...I am still suprised by the ways americans look at kids and things. Seems that you people only look at things thry money and are so distant,cold and materialistic
Ive heard some of this from other cultures as well, that the parents feel entitled to money earned when kids first get a job, even when not living together. But in the US it's really been pressed that kids should support themselves at 18, so if they're home I feel a lot of parents feel resentment towards them.. And a lot of people feel having a kid is a burden. While most of history kids stayed with the family for longer.
Load More Replies...The fact that this dude is paying for everyone's cell phone bills, half internet, AND his dad has a card in his son's name? That's messed up guys. I understand pitching in if parents don't make much but the credit card? That credit card on top of all the other financials seem like the parents are just taking advantage of him.
Yeah, that thing about his dad having a credit card in his name is really weird--I had to read it a couple of times to make sure I was understanding correctly. The only times I've heard of that happening are when the parent has completely trashed their credit, and tried to get a do-over by (essentially) identity-thefting their kid the moment they turned 18. (And if that *is* what happened, chance are OP's credit is now almost as bad as his dad's--if he's 25, his dad has had 7 years to wreck it--and he's going to have a pretty hard time getting an apartment.)
Load More Replies...My grown daughter in her 30s pays rent, buys groceries, cooks and keeps our kitchen clean. She does her own laundry, pays her own healthcare, helps with pet care, helps with yard care sometimes we eat out and she pays. Sometimes I do. We have never forgotten we are family. I pay the mortgage, insurance, utilities. I own and maintain the car and appliances, but she gets a say on purchases. She moved home after my husband died because neither of us had enough money to live on our own. We went through couples therapy to learn how to make it work. And it does. We have too much at stake for it not to. If she ever meets someone and moves out, I will sell up and move to a tiny apartment, but thus works for us now.
Yes she sounds mature and adult like, which is what that kid of 25 needs to understand and do.
Load More Replies...I don't understand this thing about kids paying rent to their parents, I think it's more useful for them to help paying a bill every month and admin their income. In this way they can save enough money to rent something on their own.
Because OP is not a kid, but a fully grown adult of 25 with a fulltime job and a side hustle...
Load More Replies...If the same person is living in the room and continues the same way as before, why kill the cash cow? OP covers alot of expenses for family and father doesn't feel even rent, let alone an increase, is needed. Mother seems to need more "fun" money. OP says parents are not needy so why.
if your going to treat your son like a tenant, hes allowed to treat you like a landlord. not saying that its the wrong thing to do, just that thats how it works. you cant be mad when he moves out.
Wtf was up with the person calling him the AH? He's an AH because they think he has more access to the house than they seem to think? So that negates all the other reasons he plans to leave? He's 25. If he thinks he can swing living on his own/with friends and wants more freedom than he feels he currently has, he's a grown adult who has every right to do so. For anyone to get upset by that is foolish. And if he's naive and fails, let him. None of that makes him an AH.
I think calling him the ah was his feeling of entitlement that his parents should not be asking for a contribution. That definitely makes a person an ah.
Load More Replies...i will never understand this american mentality. and people still have the nerve to call him the a*****e. wtf is wrong with americans. unless the parents are strugling (they have their own house so i doubt it) there is no reason to charge a child for rent, especially that much. only americans would want their child to strugle to become independent before he is.
I don't know why in the western world is it so ingrained that children and parents shouldn't live in the same house after children are 18. In Asian and African countries , it is common practice for everyone to live together as a family and of course split the cost of living. Most children moving out have to live pay check to pay check as the jobs aren't well paid and it is too expensive. It would be better for parents too if their kids are with them instead of living alone.
It's not actually that way. Our family has always been fluid in who lives with whom. But also once your working as n adult you're also contributing to the household. The problem comes in when the adult kids feel entitled that they shouldn't have too or they're entitled and don't even try to work enough. He said he's trying to run his own biz and side hustle well don't we all wish we could pursue our dreams while someone else does the hard work if ensuring a roof stays over our heads.
Load More Replies...NTA but in for a ride awakening when they have to pay/split all the expenses of living somewhere. Gas, electric, water, internet, etc adds up quickly on top of the base rent of any place you choose.
Your mom and dad might be sorry you go, but whatever the circumstance - it is time for you to live on your own.
When I graduated from high school I wanted to get an apartment with friends. My mother wouldn't talk to me for three weeks. I gave in and stayed living at home, and did so until I got married and moved in with my husband. To this day I regret not getting a chance to live on my own before getting married. Anyway, Mom is definitely the AH for getting mad at you for wanting some independence.
Maybe the mom wants him to move out. He's expecting maid service for $600 a month. No landlord is going to provide maid service.
I don't know when this was written, but in the main cities in Australia at present, you would be looking at $600 per week for something pretty basic IF you could find it ! Whether to remain living with parents is a personal decision.
Honestly, I think we may not have all the information here. Why does mom feel entitled to a 150% increase in the rent, has the op gone a period of time without paying rent and mom is recovering a previous loss or back rent? Landlords are not entitled to a 150% increase, at any given time, is mom taking advantage of op's situation or being reasonable after a period of time? I say everyone sucks here, the op for not discussing the reason for the increase and just jumping to the 5 year old's choice of grabbing his bat and going home and mom making her relationship with her son living with her a financial transaction. In all honesty, it doesn't matter how well the parents are doing financially, they are under no obligation to feed and house anyone without reasonable compensation for the costs. To say they don't appear to need the money is an entitled cop-out that implies that op is somehow entitled to the fruits of their labour, no matter how he gets it.
YTA, honestly I find what's she's asking for is cheap in today's world. I guess mum is over reacting but OP move out, get a flat and pay for everything yourself and you'll see that what your mum is asking for is peanuts. Rent is only the start of the costs involved in leaving home.
Depending on location you could find a unit for around $600, maybe less. You're going to need to factor in basic start ups like towels, trashcan and bags, shower curtain, hygiene, any electronics and entertainment. Utilities, of course. It's a little different but enjoyable.
My mom charged %25 of our income. When I made little it was a good deal. When it was not a good deal it was time to move out. She deserved the money.
As soon as i started to earn Money, my Parents charged me a small amout of money for all the things i had free while i was in school. Food, Rent, Telephone Bill, Power, Water, Heating. It was no big deal as i already knew that i would have to pay for these things myself as soon as i move out. it was more of a training for me to get to stand on my own feet. i never felt bad about it. but i took full advantage of that. i never paid for my groceries or anything else i knew my parents would have already taken care of. They even asked me what i wanted for dinner or which beverages i would prefer when they ordered them once a month.
He's 25 years old and seems very independent. Time to go and be an actual adult
Isn't it time for the OP to be out on his own, regardless of how much or how little his mom is charging?
His mother is doing what all responsible parents do, teaching him that if you earn you contribute to the family budget.
Op needs to take the emotion out of this. Even $600 no bills is below market rent in his area. He should be planning to move out - maybe his mother would be willing to agree to a reduced rent for six months so he can save and move out then?
600 for one stupid room? My sister has a gigantic house. Her sons live there for free. They pay 800 a month.
Load More Replies...Where are they finding a place bigger than one room for $600 a month?
They said studio, which is a one room. They ment its a bigger room then the one at their parenta house.
Load More Replies...The mother is the AH for being cheesed off. She has chosen to convert the arrangement to a financial transaction. That is her right. As such, the OP is free to terminate the business arrangement and move out. If you change the rules, don’t be upset that people don’t want to play anymore.
My thoughts as well. Mom (seemingly) has reduced their relationship to one of business. Anyone, if put it the situation of having their rent increased, will shop for a situation that's more beneficial to them. She should not be surprised that the OP has chosen to respond this way, she might be surprised by the sudden loss of income her son provided. I'll bet that after the 2nd month she will wish she had a do-over. Classic FAFO.
Load More Replies...I think this is odd. The parents don't need the money: they have enough of their own. Why not let their son save up a decent amount so that he can move to a decent apartment in a decent part of town/city? I paid not rent, but a contribution to my mother, because she lived on the absolute minimum: no problem with that. We didn't ask our son to pay rent: instead, he saved everything so that when he got his apartment, he was able to buy a decent bed, some furniture and household basics. Why make things harder than they have to be?
You and your mom did it right. This is exactly how I think it should be if you’re not a trashy and hateful person. Of course an adult child should CONTRIBUTE to their own household and parents if the parents need the help. It isn’t rent. And of course parents who don’t need the help shouldn’t demand rent like a stranger off the street, but rather expect the kid save up for their own future.
Load More Replies...It feels like OP is already chipping in with a bunch of stuff considering how they pay for half the Wi-Fi all of the streaming subscriptions and the phone plan. Let's be real, in this economy even someone in their mid to late twenties would struggle, especially if they're still going to school and can't have a full-time job yet.
They'll be in for a cold surprise when anything goes wrong. Like a washing machine breaking down. Oh OP isn't paying for any insurance or the other things listed by the last replyer?
Load More Replies...I wonder if the parents(mom) are trying to get their grown child to leave? And I suspect said child is in for a big surprise. Lots of bills he never had to think about are in his future.
It doesn't seem that way, since mom got angry when OP talked about moving out. If anything, raising rent when OP got a better-paying job seems calculated to make it more difficult for OP to save up and leave the nest.
Load More Replies...I am still suprised by the ways americans look at kids and things. Seems that you people only look at things thry money and are so distant,cold and materialistic
Ive heard some of this from other cultures as well, that the parents feel entitled to money earned when kids first get a job, even when not living together. But in the US it's really been pressed that kids should support themselves at 18, so if they're home I feel a lot of parents feel resentment towards them.. And a lot of people feel having a kid is a burden. While most of history kids stayed with the family for longer.
Load More Replies...The fact that this dude is paying for everyone's cell phone bills, half internet, AND his dad has a card in his son's name? That's messed up guys. I understand pitching in if parents don't make much but the credit card? That credit card on top of all the other financials seem like the parents are just taking advantage of him.
Yeah, that thing about his dad having a credit card in his name is really weird--I had to read it a couple of times to make sure I was understanding correctly. The only times I've heard of that happening are when the parent has completely trashed their credit, and tried to get a do-over by (essentially) identity-thefting their kid the moment they turned 18. (And if that *is* what happened, chance are OP's credit is now almost as bad as his dad's--if he's 25, his dad has had 7 years to wreck it--and he's going to have a pretty hard time getting an apartment.)
Load More Replies...My grown daughter in her 30s pays rent, buys groceries, cooks and keeps our kitchen clean. She does her own laundry, pays her own healthcare, helps with pet care, helps with yard care sometimes we eat out and she pays. Sometimes I do. We have never forgotten we are family. I pay the mortgage, insurance, utilities. I own and maintain the car and appliances, but she gets a say on purchases. She moved home after my husband died because neither of us had enough money to live on our own. We went through couples therapy to learn how to make it work. And it does. We have too much at stake for it not to. If she ever meets someone and moves out, I will sell up and move to a tiny apartment, but thus works for us now.
Yes she sounds mature and adult like, which is what that kid of 25 needs to understand and do.
Load More Replies...I don't understand this thing about kids paying rent to their parents, I think it's more useful for them to help paying a bill every month and admin their income. In this way they can save enough money to rent something on their own.
Because OP is not a kid, but a fully grown adult of 25 with a fulltime job and a side hustle...
Load More Replies...If the same person is living in the room and continues the same way as before, why kill the cash cow? OP covers alot of expenses for family and father doesn't feel even rent, let alone an increase, is needed. Mother seems to need more "fun" money. OP says parents are not needy so why.
if your going to treat your son like a tenant, hes allowed to treat you like a landlord. not saying that its the wrong thing to do, just that thats how it works. you cant be mad when he moves out.
Wtf was up with the person calling him the AH? He's an AH because they think he has more access to the house than they seem to think? So that negates all the other reasons he plans to leave? He's 25. If he thinks he can swing living on his own/with friends and wants more freedom than he feels he currently has, he's a grown adult who has every right to do so. For anyone to get upset by that is foolish. And if he's naive and fails, let him. None of that makes him an AH.
I think calling him the ah was his feeling of entitlement that his parents should not be asking for a contribution. That definitely makes a person an ah.
Load More Replies...i will never understand this american mentality. and people still have the nerve to call him the a*****e. wtf is wrong with americans. unless the parents are strugling (they have their own house so i doubt it) there is no reason to charge a child for rent, especially that much. only americans would want their child to strugle to become independent before he is.
I don't know why in the western world is it so ingrained that children and parents shouldn't live in the same house after children are 18. In Asian and African countries , it is common practice for everyone to live together as a family and of course split the cost of living. Most children moving out have to live pay check to pay check as the jobs aren't well paid and it is too expensive. It would be better for parents too if their kids are with them instead of living alone.
It's not actually that way. Our family has always been fluid in who lives with whom. But also once your working as n adult you're also contributing to the household. The problem comes in when the adult kids feel entitled that they shouldn't have too or they're entitled and don't even try to work enough. He said he's trying to run his own biz and side hustle well don't we all wish we could pursue our dreams while someone else does the hard work if ensuring a roof stays over our heads.
Load More Replies...NTA but in for a ride awakening when they have to pay/split all the expenses of living somewhere. Gas, electric, water, internet, etc adds up quickly on top of the base rent of any place you choose.
Your mom and dad might be sorry you go, but whatever the circumstance - it is time for you to live on your own.
When I graduated from high school I wanted to get an apartment with friends. My mother wouldn't talk to me for three weeks. I gave in and stayed living at home, and did so until I got married and moved in with my husband. To this day I regret not getting a chance to live on my own before getting married. Anyway, Mom is definitely the AH for getting mad at you for wanting some independence.
Maybe the mom wants him to move out. He's expecting maid service for $600 a month. No landlord is going to provide maid service.
I don't know when this was written, but in the main cities in Australia at present, you would be looking at $600 per week for something pretty basic IF you could find it ! Whether to remain living with parents is a personal decision.
Honestly, I think we may not have all the information here. Why does mom feel entitled to a 150% increase in the rent, has the op gone a period of time without paying rent and mom is recovering a previous loss or back rent? Landlords are not entitled to a 150% increase, at any given time, is mom taking advantage of op's situation or being reasonable after a period of time? I say everyone sucks here, the op for not discussing the reason for the increase and just jumping to the 5 year old's choice of grabbing his bat and going home and mom making her relationship with her son living with her a financial transaction. In all honesty, it doesn't matter how well the parents are doing financially, they are under no obligation to feed and house anyone without reasonable compensation for the costs. To say they don't appear to need the money is an entitled cop-out that implies that op is somehow entitled to the fruits of their labour, no matter how he gets it.
YTA, honestly I find what's she's asking for is cheap in today's world. I guess mum is over reacting but OP move out, get a flat and pay for everything yourself and you'll see that what your mum is asking for is peanuts. Rent is only the start of the costs involved in leaving home.
Depending on location you could find a unit for around $600, maybe less. You're going to need to factor in basic start ups like towels, trashcan and bags, shower curtain, hygiene, any electronics and entertainment. Utilities, of course. It's a little different but enjoyable.
My mom charged %25 of our income. When I made little it was a good deal. When it was not a good deal it was time to move out. She deserved the money.
As soon as i started to earn Money, my Parents charged me a small amout of money for all the things i had free while i was in school. Food, Rent, Telephone Bill, Power, Water, Heating. It was no big deal as i already knew that i would have to pay for these things myself as soon as i move out. it was more of a training for me to get to stand on my own feet. i never felt bad about it. but i took full advantage of that. i never paid for my groceries or anything else i knew my parents would have already taken care of. They even asked me what i wanted for dinner or which beverages i would prefer when they ordered them once a month.
He's 25 years old and seems very independent. Time to go and be an actual adult
Isn't it time for the OP to be out on his own, regardless of how much or how little his mom is charging?
His mother is doing what all responsible parents do, teaching him that if you earn you contribute to the family budget.
Op needs to take the emotion out of this. Even $600 no bills is below market rent in his area. He should be planning to move out - maybe his mother would be willing to agree to a reduced rent for six months so he can save and move out then?
600 for one stupid room? My sister has a gigantic house. Her sons live there for free. They pay 800 a month.
Load More Replies...Where are they finding a place bigger than one room for $600 a month?
They said studio, which is a one room. They ment its a bigger room then the one at their parenta house.
Load More Replies...
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