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Parent Asks How To Tell Her Kid She Doesn’t Want To See Her Anymore Once She Turns 18, Gets Shut Down
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Parenting, People2 years ago

Parent Asks How To Tell Her Kid She Doesn’t Want To See Her Anymore Once She Turns 18, Gets Shut Down

In a perfect world, all parents would love their children. Unfortunately, ours isn’t a perfect world and some parents can’t wait for their kids to grow up so they can kick them out of their lives.

The internet was horrified when they saw a post by somebody who asked whether they should tell their daughter that they don’t want to see her anymore once she turns 18. And they thought that the comeback to the question was spot-on. Some people were quick to judge and shared their own stories about being kicked out of their homes. However, other internet users had different opinions about the situation.

Bored Panda spoke about parents, their kids, and the importance of how children leave home with Lenore Skenazy who is the president of the nonprofit organization Let Grow, dedicated to fighting overprotection and promoting the independence of kids. According to Lenore, a significant part of a child’s confidence comes from knowing that someone believes in them. “A teacher, coach, grandparent, or, of course, parent who thinks you are terrific and ready to wow the world can make all the difference in the world.” However, when that support isn’t there, this can have a big impact on the child.

A parent got shut down after asking a very provocative question online

Image credits: Mish Sukharev (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Imagination-Parking

“A parent saying, ‘Leave when you’re 18’ can be that person, voicing incredible confidence that the child can make it (even if the child is less sure). But the ‘Leave!’ could also be weary disdain: ‘Get out already. I’m washing my hands of you. Goodbye and good luck.’ Whether the message this parent is sending is one of trust or disgust will have a lot more impact on that kid than simply being expected to live on their own,” Lenore explained the that the same action (leaving home) can have very different results depending on how it’s done.

According to Lenore, honesty is the best policy between parents and their kids. “The best way to make sure that a child starting out in the world feels like their parents believe in them—rather than simply being fed up—is for the parent to make it explicit! ‘I have watched you growing up and seen how you work things out when faced with challenges and I believe this next chapter will test you—and you will do great. It may not be easy, because important things rarely are, but you will be happier and stronger for it,’” she gave an example of how things could be done.

She continued: “Also: ‘While it’s time for you to make your way, that doesn’t mean you are leaving my heart. I will always love you and hope we see a lot of each other. This is a new chapter for us both and I wish us both well!'” Now that is a healthy, mature response to a child leaving home and becoming independent.

Life is rarely black and white and reactions to the question and the answer were mixed

So while some supported the clap back, others weren’t so quick to jump on the criticism bandwagon. They thought that it was important to get more context before judging the parent.

Life is rarely black and white. So, according to some internet users, it was important to learn more about the situation: perhaps the parent wasn’t as ‘evil’ as they seemed and had to deal with an incredibly difficult, belligerent teen. In a perfect world, all parents would love their children… and all kids would love and respect their parents.

Unfortunately, in this particular case, additional context is hard to come by, so judging whether or not the parent was completely or only partly in the wrong is incredibly difficult. However, there are two things that we know for sure: the parent was completely honest about their feelings about their daughter; and people think the idea of a parent not loving their child is appalling.

Depending on what part of the world you live in, your legal responsibilities toward your child stop when they turn 18. From a legal perspective, it’s “fine” to abandon an adult child, even if society sees it as cold-hearted. From a more human point of view, however, your child doesn’t stop being your child when they hit an arbitrary age. Parent-kid bonds are meant to last forever, even if everyone doesn’t live under the same roof.

Here’s how people reacted to the Anonymous question

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like most of the comments said; without any context or explanation there's nothing sensible to say about this. So why is it even here on BP?

Gergely Kiss
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because for a long time now, BP seems to care more about clicks than actual content.

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Pungent Sauce
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom gave me the boot at 18-and-a-day and I don’t blame her one darn bit (long story). She reached out a few months later to try counseling/therapy and I wasn’t so selfish as to say no. We worked it out and she was my best friend and confidante for another 22 years. Miss you, mom!

Sanne H.
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even though it’s short, I’m moved by your story. I’m happy you worked things out together!

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Truth Monster
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they are going to functionally disown her, then they should tell her so that she can prepare to support herself. They may not like her/ or hate her, but they owe her as her guardians to not just dump her out on the street with no warning. Dumping her out of your house without warning is a sh**ty thing to do, if not illegal in some places. (Parents may have to formally evict, as the dwelling is her legal residence).

Banjo Peppers
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depending on the situation, though, letting some people know ahead of time could lead to the evicted child stealing all the valuables or destroying stuff before they leave. We really need more context. Luckily, most Quora questions are from people getting paid or trying to get off on some fetish, so this might not even be a real question.

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like most of the comments said; without any context or explanation there's nothing sensible to say about this. So why is it even here on BP?

Gergely Kiss
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because for a long time now, BP seems to care more about clicks than actual content.

Load More Replies...
Pungent Sauce
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom gave me the boot at 18-and-a-day and I don’t blame her one darn bit (long story). She reached out a few months later to try counseling/therapy and I wasn’t so selfish as to say no. We worked it out and she was my best friend and confidante for another 22 years. Miss you, mom!

Sanne H.
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even though it’s short, I’m moved by your story. I’m happy you worked things out together!

Load More Replies...
Truth Monster
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they are going to functionally disown her, then they should tell her so that she can prepare to support herself. They may not like her/ or hate her, but they owe her as her guardians to not just dump her out on the street with no warning. Dumping her out of your house without warning is a sh**ty thing to do, if not illegal in some places. (Parents may have to formally evict, as the dwelling is her legal residence).

Banjo Peppers
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depending on the situation, though, letting some people know ahead of time could lead to the evicted child stealing all the valuables or destroying stuff before they leave. We really need more context. Luckily, most Quora questions are from people getting paid or trying to get off on some fetish, so this might not even be a real question.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
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