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Mother Is Called ‘Materialistic’ After Refusing To Pass On Her Engagement Ring As An Heirloom
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People, Relationships5 months ago

Mother Is Called ‘Materialistic’ After Refusing To Pass On Her Engagement Ring As An Heirloom

Proposing goes hand in hand with a vast amount of pressure to get things right. From selecting a magical spot to uttering the right words, you know this is the moment you’ll tell your grandkids about. But before you get down on one knee, you also have to consider the sum you’re willing to spend on a beautiful piece of jewelry your loved one will cherish for years to come. One man came up with a scheme to avoid going into debt for buying an expensive engagement ring but, apparently, didn’t think his whole plan through.

Nine months ago, Redditor aita-ering reached out to the AITA community after a heated argument with her son, Sam. The 26-year-old man finally decided to pop the big question to his longtime girlfriend, Emily. But the thrill of the good news quickly disappeared when he asked his mother to take the ring off her finger to pass it down to his fiancée.

Sam somehow got the idea that he is entitled to his mother’s ring and that this way, he could save a few bucks and not buy a new one. However, the man did not expect his mother would love wearing it so much that she would insist on keeping it. Well, that didn’t sit well with Sam since he continued showing his disapproval of his mother’s actions and started arguing with her. Read on to find out how the whole ordeal unfolded and share your thoughts about it in the comments.

Proposing to someone is a magical moment, but it also comes with the pressure to get everything right

Image credits: Gary Barnes (not the actual photo)

Unfortunately, this man didn’t when he insisted his mom pass down her engagement ring to his fiancée and got angry after she refused

Image credits: W W (not the actual photo)

Later on, the user clarified a few details in the comments

Image credits: aita-ering

Parents may have a duty to support their children no matter what. Yet, there should be no room in a family to throw accusations without a single care in the world. Redditors immediately sided with the mother and determined she was not in the wrong in this situation. With over 3k comments, members of the AITA community expressed their worries about the signs of entitlement her son revealed and offered their own insights about his actions.

To find out what an expert had to say about this incident, we reached out to Judy Bartkowiak, a family therapist, coach, and author of Empower your kids! A coaching guide for parents. She pointed out that this isn’t a child we’re talking about. It is a grown man who asked his longtime girlfriend to venture into marriage and possibly have children with him in due course, the therapist added.

However, she explained Sam is essentially acting like a child. “It’s all about what he wants with not enough maturity or emotional intelligence to understand that this is his mother’s precious and sentimental property, given to her by her husband. It is not a family heirloom, and even if it were, it is not something he is entitled to while she is still alive,” she told Bored Panda.

The man had no right to call his mother selfish or materialistic for wishing to wear her own engagement ring, Bartkowiak argued. “As a grown man embarking on his own marriage, it is his responsibility to provide for his fiancée, and if he can’t afford a ring yet, then perhaps he needs to save up or buy a second-hand one or cheaper ring, then upgrade in the future.”

Conflicts between parents and children are common, and occasional arguments are simply a part of family life. However, it’s important to try our best to prevent them from becoming permanent disputes that bring tension and stress and affect our well-being. Speaking of this particular situation, the therapist noticed that Sam is showing a trend of negative behaviors. “I suspect with such a man as her son, it will sadly spiral,” Bartkowiak noted. “He’s having a strop because he can’t get his own way and by bullying her, he is showing his fiancée how he will treat her when he doesn’t get what he wants. I hope she will see this.”

“I think the mum is being true to her feelings and honoring her husband by insisting she keep her engagement ring,” she said, adding that it’s rather unbelievable that a son would even be asking for the engagement ring while she’s still alive. “I suspect this is a spoilt young man and perhaps it is too late now for him to realize that you don’t get what you want by shouting at a vulnerable older woman.”

Bartkowiak stressed how important it is for parents to say “no” to their children. “As mums, we want to say ‘yes’, don’t we? But unless children hear and respect our ‘no,’ how will they appreciate our ‘yes’?”

“This young man is showing his true colors and I sincerely hope that his fiancée takes note and dumps him for a man who loves and respects his mother,” the therapist added. “[A man] who wouldn’t dream of asking for her engagement ring while she is alive and certainly one who doesn’t shout at her and accuse her of being selfish and materialistic. Get out of this relationship, sweetheart, this is not someone who will treat you with respect and kindness,” Bartkowiak concluded.

Redditors overwhelmingly sided with the woman, here’s what they had to say

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RaroaRaroa
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Diamonds are a scam, but he wants yours? No, Sam and Emily are cheap but desperate to have a ring to post on social media. How could they even ask for a ring the mother clearly still cherishes and wears every day?

April Davis
Community Member
5 months ago

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somnomania
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

diamonds ARE a scam. you know how you deal with that? DON'T BUY DIAMONDS. it's very simple, you go to etsy, you find something vastly more interesting (i'm partial to the pairing of copper and labradorite, personally) for a fraction of the cost, and you support an artist. the happy couple in this post sound like entitled twits.

King Cheetah
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People use gold and silver for ages for a reason and it's not only related to wealth. Copper oxidizes quickly while in contact with skin, gets dark and leaves nasty greenish-morbid-zombie bruises looking like marks on the body.

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Claire
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're not dead and buried. Even if you were, you get to decide who gets your ring!

Penny Lost
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course, you should've given them your ring! It was so very selfish and materialistic of you not to! Also, you should've immediately found a buyer for one of your kidneys -- wth would you need two of those when the kids could use a nice chunk of cash to help them start a new family! Some people are just so selfish, jeez...!

Beth S
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Technically if they want to get married they do not *need* an engagement ring. My husband and I got married he got a titanium band and I opted for a $25 dollar sterling silver band. You are NTA, but they certainly are entitled asses.

Loolie
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Asking for your ring? How about the fiancé asks her mother and see what she says? Also would be no.

abby smink
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here's an idea, if buying a ring will put you into debt that you can't live with, don't get married. Also, don't buy a diamond. They're horrible anyways, and no one said an engagement ring had to be a diamond, or then that you had to get one at all.

Droid Mania
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How dare they! What a pair of spoiled greedy brats! I don’t get the whole diamond engagement ring in the first place but that’s probably because it’s not a tradition in the Netherlands. It’s not about the ring, it’s about the love. You can get engaged without a ring you know?! That being said, there are far more beautiful stones for far less money than diamonds. So there are a lot of other options that don’t put you in debt.

Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hell, you can get married without a ring too, if you’re in a hurry and happen to be somewhere that doesn’t require any waiting period between getting the license and getting married.

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1.21Gigawatts?!
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jeez, if the son were so worried about going into debt then he shouldn’t have proposed yet? Like if he was that poor? Or don’t buy it with a diamond?

Rose the Cook
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The son is an entitled twit, but the fiancée is worse. How could she wear a ring that was taken from the finger of another woman? Engagement and wedding rings have great sentimental value and are passed to family only when the original owner has departed.

Carrie Laughs
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My MIL was buried wearing hers. Her husband's choice.

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ezPZ
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I paid for a ring around 30$, and I can proudly announce that my fiancé is delighted

Kelli
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mothers wedding band cost my dad $5. It’s lasted almost 75 years.

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Jaekry
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or that idiot just buys a simple nice ring. But these are gold diggers. Awful. I would disallow heritage to your son for this specific ring.

Laura Murzynski
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the most insane, selfish, unbelievable thing I’ve ever read. My own wedding ring was purchased a day before my hubby proposed and I would still not surrender it to any of my children. I’m happy to say that none of my children would ever presume to ask. What a shitshow!

CL Rowan
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Make sure you are buried with that ring on your finger~~have people check as the casket is sealed so the little bastard doesn't rip it off your hand while no one's looking.

Say What
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plus if her son ever did get the ring then they got divorced, the ex-wife gets to keep it. It would never become the heirloom they are pretending it to be now.

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loona
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously?! An heirloom is inherited, no? And you're alive, right. Simple.

Not_Tellin
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If diamonds are such a "scam", why does the couple want a diamond ring?

Dill
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, apparently they're 'okay' if FREE! 😲🙄

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Random Panda
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know, I could kinda understand the son being spoiled and stupid enough to demand his mother's ring as a family heirloom (no excuse tho, he's a selfish a*s). But where does the girlfriend get off thinking she should be a part of this conversation?! That girl is so entitled, if it was me I probably wouldn't have let her in my house ever again. I wouldn't contribute a penny towards their wedding either. I'm just petty like that.

Marilyn Russell
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well good thing they, as the parents of the groom, don’t have to if they want to be all traditional. Yeah, that woman is going to have issues with that chickie poo in the future.

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Nemo
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People are talking about moissanite as a replacement but you also have lab grown diamonds. Better for the environment and better for your bankaccount

Sylvia DuBois
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This son is the materialistic one. What a sense of entitlement!

Troux
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, he's just being sentimental! /s "I have an idea for a new family tradition, which is based around the concept of me getting something that I want for free right now."

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Hphizzle
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you don’t want to go into debt, and can’t work within your means/budget, you probably shouldn’t be heading into marriage. Got a bit of maturing to do.

Esgain Erin
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"How can you let me go on debt to buy a new ring?" If the GF does require an expensive ring to say yes, maybe just don't marry her... There are plenty of beautiful cheap rings. My own engagement ring is worth $149 and I love it.

Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The son should’ve been saving the money to buy the engagement ring long before deciding to propose. That’s the way people with any sense do it. Either that, or get married with just a really nice wedding band, and get the engagement ring for an anniversary or birth of the first child. I’ve been married 21 years, and have worn just a nice simple solid gold band the entire time. Never wanted any more than that. The MARRIAGE is the important part, the engagement ring, the wedding, the dress, and all the rest of the BS that goes with OTT weddings these days is NOT. My husband and I were married at the courthouse, me in a nice dress, and him in a suit. The only wedding thing I bought was a small bouquet with my favorite flowers in it. I also did the something old/new/borrowed/blue thing. We had a few close friends with us, who treated us to champagne and a lovely dinner at an expensive restaurant, then one of them handed us the keys to their beach house for our honeymoon (we were just going to stay home, lock the doors and take the phone off the hook). Wouldn’t have had it any other way. Perfection!

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Jodi Duke
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry to hear that it's causing your family upset. But your decision is yours and is right for you. I have a necklace of amber that my eldest purchased for me and I've never taken it off. My parents suggested having a jeweller divide it into thirds for each child and it upset me more than I'd care to admit. Perhaps your child and his partner don't really understand "sentimental value" - I didn't for a long time; not really. And if they are a strong pair, they'll get through this together and come to realise they can't adopt your sentimental value. They will find theirs along the way.

Loolie
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you don't want to start out in debt then save up for your own ring first , then propose.

CelticElff
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think they don't understand the term heirloom: a valuable object that has belonged to a family for several generations. This is YOUR ring that you're still wearing! I also agree with the witty poster who remarked on them asking for the home you're living in so they won't go into debt with a mortgage. They have some cheek!

Notnow
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's an heirloom when you die, and pass it down to whom you choose. If it was me. I'd get buried with it.

Milan
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I proposed my wife with $15 worth silver ring. Happily married 12 years. Fck that ring things… 😛

Remi Flynne
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Silver is a beautiful. All that matters is the love, not the jewellery.

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Deborah B
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An engagement ring is optional. If the young couple don't want to buy one, they don't need to. If their budget is limited, they could easily choose a non-traditional ring, or a lab-made diamond. Sounds like they just want a big diamond to show off, without paying for one. OP isn't selfish - the son and DIL-to-be are greedy, entitled, manipulators.

Amber V
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those two are... I don't even have words. Not only is the son asking for the ring off of his mother's finger... But the fiance too??? "I really love your ring though! So how could you not give me the ring your STILL husband gave you??" Ew. Ew. Ew. I would never even dream of asking a boyfriends mother for the ring off of her finger while she is still married to that man!

msminnie
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WOW! They hit every entitled point there was. I think it's kind of creepy that the future DIL seems to have scoped out the ring- while on her future MIL's finger!

Brandi Gouran
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn, I would of done slapped that boy. "we're letting you keep the wedding ban?" like that's even up to them? She's not dead, it was given to her by her husband, it's a symbol of their love for each other. If the kid is too cheap to buy his own ring then he doesn't love the girl and the girl is honestly just as selfish for even asking. Next it'll be give us your house and car for the grandkids 😒 tell him not to come back till he learns some respect for other people.

MimSorensson
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did I get this right - the son wants to inherit the mother's WEDDING ring, before the mother in question, or her spouse, or even the marriage itself for that matter, are dead? So he doesn't have to spend money on a venture that is 100% his and his girlfriend and would be to only his and his girlfriends benefit? ... I'm lost. How does someone even get the idea that this could be acceptable in any way, shape or form? Even trying to present it as if it was a thing, that actually happens in reality...? I would have assumed it was a bad joke in poor taste, and would have become VERY worried when realizing that wasn't the case. Worried that I might have done something as a parent to cause this. Worried about the sons future, if he's this extremely disconnected from reality. Worried that there will be more strange demands for my property. All the true crime stories where this kind of son murders his parents when they don't obey his whims would have come to my mind. Poor woman.

Jane Smith
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This boy isn't ready to get married asking Mama for her ring? What'll be next?

Susan Sanders
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - The ONLY way their "request" could be considered acceptable is IF the engagement ring were from a previous marrage that ended in divorce OR already a family heirloom and you don't have a daughter to pass it to. Suck it up Sonny, time to become a man and earn what you have in life.

Marian Moore
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe mom and dad should explain to their man-child what the word NO means.... N.O. Buy her the ring you pick out at the jewelry store. The son and future wife need to grow up.

Inclusion2020
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He’s a selfish child and the audacity of his girlfriend to EXPECT the ring is horribly astounding. Honestly, he and his gf are complete and utter k**b sacks.

Notyomama
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We bought vintage. Saved a ton of money. And I got exactly what I wanted. I would never dream of asking for a ring from someone still alive. The nerve!

AspieGirl88
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously??? It should be a CHOICE; & no matter what this poor lady chooses, that choice should be respected. That was gifted to her by the man she fell in love with, so it’s only natural that she’d feel attached to it. This is like demanding an older child to give up the very first toy they ever got to their youngest sibling … that’s something you’ve grown fond of, but now that you don’t want to give up the memories, you’re considered selfish?? Absolutely not! Tell Sam to grow up & learn that he can’t always get what he wants just because he thinks he’s entitled to it! If he decides to die on that mountain, that’s a bridge you need to burn, before the toxicity destroys your life. 🤨🤷‍♀️

Destiny Harbour
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holy s**t how entitled of that guy, you don't have to get a real diamond ring it can be man made or even not a diamond there's many lovely stones. Rude asses

Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you don't want debt, don't buy jewelry you can't afford but I guess Emily NEEDS an expensive ring.

Judes
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a wedding band but no engagement ring because couldn't find one I really liked---luckily for my mum and mother in law, I don't particularly like theirs either.

Anna
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I don't even have rings. Wierd outdated nonsense. Neither would wear them due to the hobbies we do and probably lose/damage them in a matter of days if we did

Alex
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WAIT! Until I lift my jaw off the floor ! Holy MOSES ! Mom and Dad! Your son has got a sense of entitlement (with you, anyway) about the same size as his “ cojones”! I am deeply moved that you love your engagement ring, as a sacred memory of the proposal your beloved groom made to you! You love that ring more than anyone else ever could; it was given to you, by the man who adored YOU, and promised to marry you ! He chose YOU! Those two young ones, are out of line. Their manners leave a lot to be desired. Bless you both

Pinkpunk143
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

PSA my old wedding and engagement rings came as a duo for $500 at a jewelry store in the mall. Wasn't big and fancy but AFFORDABLE for a 20 yr old. No one has to go into debt over jewelry, they choose to.

Marilyn Russell
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow - what a monster. Both of them are obviously well suited to each other. I hope they get what they so richly deserve. Can you imagine the poor parents thinking they raised their child to have manners and show respect, and then they hear this from his lips? If he wants a ring for his loving fiancée, he can earn the money to buy it. That’s what people have done since engagement rings became a thing. Please don’t have kids.

Gwen Johnson
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They discussed this before they approached you...what nerve they both have...she is ridiculous for even allowing your idiot son bring it up. Nta.

Littlebunnyfufu
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As others have mentioned, "heirlooms" by definition are passed down from generation to generation and usually after the person has passed. This person is *actively* using these rings... I just keep thinking of the scene in Monty Python's Holy Grail where they want people to "Bring out your Dead" and the guy says, "But, I'm not dead yet"....

Lucy B
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eeesh, what nasty people Sam and Emily are. My husband got my dream ring, but with cubic zirconia as the centre stone as he couldn't afford a diamond at the time and I didn't want a diamond. After 6yrs of marriage, we upgraded the centre stone to Morganite. The beautiful pink stone looks amazing against my rose gold and white gold ring. You don't need a diamond for an engagement ring, you can have other stones....but to demand someone else's diamond ring when you think diamonds are a "scam" (they are) is just hypocritical and selfish

Remi Flynne
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Morganite in rose and white gold sounds gorgeous.

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Evelyn Ann
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. My engagement ring was made out of oak, my (now ex) husband made it on a lathe in a neighbor's basement. He secretly took woodworking lessons and learned how to wood burn to put our initials in it as part of the surprise. Value? Zero dollars. Actual value? Priceless. Wish i could pass this story onto that man-child. I've saved it for our daughter and i doubt she will get any mileage out of it but it is a charming keepsake and perfectly embodies how awesome and thoughtful her dad is!

Remi Flynne
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's really sweet and I love how you still rate your ex.

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James G. Currie
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Diamonds, per-se are a scam. The only reason they are as valuable as they are is because a certain Dutch company has made us think they are valuable. Now, don't mistake what I'm saying...a nicely cut and set diamond is gorgeous, but there are prettier stones out there. The diamond's onlt real physical advantage is how hard to damage it is.

The Other Guest
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Diamonds are a scam, which is why neither my engagement ring nor wedding band have them. In fact, they have no stones at all. And we didn't have to go into debt for them, either. The engagement ring is plain gold with no adornment at all, and our wedding bands were matched gold rings etched with a simple design. All told we spent a combined total of $400 (a smidge over $700 in today's dollars) for all three.

ThumbsUpGuy
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

beat the system by buying a zircon... The prices of diamonds are artificially inflated by DeBeers & many others... As long as both agree to this, why not? Mom can leave the stone in the will as part of the inheritance someday. This way, everybody wins.

Bi-Polar Express
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I designed my engagement ring which I now use as a wedding ring more than the band because I love it so much. No way. I did give my daughter and her husband the ring from m,y first marriage. She had it cleaned and sized and it looks great.

phil blanque
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The son should embrace this as an opportunity to define his new life with his wife. They should buy a simple ring...that they can afford, and see it as a way to build their life together.

-
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They can also get an anniversary ring later on.

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kat lia
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wow your son is so selfish and disrespectful. glad you did not give up your ring to them. if they don't want to be in debt then he can buy something simple and not expensive.

Nila Griffin
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Been married 4 years, together for 9, have 3 kids, and no rings. Neither of us like to wear them. So we saved our money.

Kori Chamberlain
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What the hell? Thats not how heirlooms even work. You dont ask for someones posesions, when they likely have 20+ years of life left, and call it an heirloom.

Nizumi
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't wear my engagement or wedding rings because of an allergic reaction (who knew? I've never been allergic to anything in my life). Got silver replicas made. Can't wear those either as my fingers and skin have again changed with age and narrow rings, even if they fit properly, drive me crazy. I now wear a $20, wide, silver band because it's important to me to wear a ring symbolizing my marriage - that's just how I am :) And I would not give my rings to anyone. Not a chance. My husband chose them with love and he chose well and no one gets to wear them while I'm alive.

Jill Bussey
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Buy what you can afford!!! My first engagement ring cost £27.00 (about $33) and I still have it. Why would you go into debt for a ring?

Dancing Armadillo
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow.. the entitlement and disrespect of these two! My husband bought me a simple small diamond ring. It was beautiful and perfect. I will cherish it always. It wasn’t about money, it was about us and building the life of our dreams together. The fact that this couple expected your engagement ring and didn’t understand the significance of it- speaks volumes. I give a year or two before they are divorced. They obviously don’t know a thing about marriage.

M Flow
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So you're the one who is selfish and materialistic for not giving him something dear to you because he wants to save a buck? What an @33 hole.

Oene Veltman
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If anything rings should be given to their daughters. making it a family heirloom is useless when giving it to daughters in law, who tend to just walk away from the family after 7 years orf marriage. The very precious to mom ring has left the family and mum still alive has given away the ring for a cause of vanity and budget saving. If you dont have the money then just buy a minimalist bidget gold ring. Dont try to guilt your mom out of her precious ring. If anything the ring should go to her daughters.

Johnny
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's right, Diamonds *are* a scam, which is why my wife's engagement ring doesn't have any (and she would have been disappointed if it did)

Lorrie F
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like gf talked son into the idea, imo.

Giving Back
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. What an useless son!!! Poor parent

Hubert Martin
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol if you were an old lady who wanted to help the grandkids out, that's a different story. If the offer came from you, as a younger mother, that would be OK too. It's your business if you wanted to part with the ring now to help out your kid, for whatever reason. Look, I think you must be an incredibly kind person. Why else would those two parasites attempt to take advantage of you in such a way? They viewed you as weak and you gawked at them as if they were stupid. Give them the ring but tell them all the wedding details will be yours to choose. Within their budget, of course. Watch them say no. Comment quietly, "this sounds like a scam."

Deanna Crichley
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why was the fiancée even there? To help him manipulate you? I understand you like her, but I'd trust her way less than you have.

Kelli
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wtf? No honey, it doesn’t work that way. Good grief. What a sad excuse for a son. I have many fine pieces of jewelry, which will be left to my grandchildren. My son would never have the audacity to assume I would just hand it over. Though my step daughter has been eying up my engagement ring for years. Lol

I'mNotARoboat
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My engagement ring was a sweet fabrication by my now husband made out of pipe cleaners and our wedding rings are literally O-rings used for sinks. We love them and they're super cheap to replace. My husband knows that I would've been pissed off if he spent more than $50 on any ring because I hate wasteful spending. What's wrong with them getting affordable rings? The kids are being entitled and selfish.

Lorna Ackerman
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve been married nearly 35 years, my husband picked out my ring himself. We couldn’t afford a big ring at the time, but it was nice nonetheless. I just don’t think it’ll kill her son to be frugal now and just get something affordable. I have a much nicer ring now after many anniversaries and the only way I will give up that ring is when I’m cold and dead.

Janelle Collard
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he's 26 + acting like a brat cuz mom won't give up HER ring, he's not ready to get married.

Sarah
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even if the mother were to pass tomorrow that kid of hers is not entitled to that ring. It would be the father's choice what to do with it. At 26 years old he has not matured yet. He threw a tantrum thinking he would get his way.

Remi Flynne
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unless she said in her will what she wanted to do with her ring.

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Microwave Chef
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA OP. Not even close. Like your husband, I think it's great you still like your ring and always wear it. Your son and his fiance are absolutely ridiculous. I can't get my head around the fact that fiance was there to ask you for the ring after son proposed to her without one on hand. Wow... Just wow. If son doesn't want to go into debt to buy one, he shouldn't buy one that will cause him to go into debt. Also, if he's concerned about his credit score, he should wait until he is financially stable to get married in the first place. Enjoy your ring for your lifetime OP. It was given with the promise you'd always have a reason to wear it. 🖤

Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA 1) why on Earth do they need a diamond ring? they can just buy a gold ring with a zirconium stone. I would be afraid to walk around with a diamond on my hand 2) why are so many ppl obsessed with family hairlooms? they are just more problems than benefits. like if you have more children who will get it? the first born like in the middle ages? does it mean the other children are less important or what? 3) the audacity of them demanding OP's ring! they could only count with it if SHE offered it but to demand it is soo rude!

Sue Manipole
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Diamonds are not a requirement, especially for him who believes diamonds are a scam. If he cannot afford a ring how will he provide for her throughout their marriage. If it was me, I would no longer be engaged to this selfish little "boy" because face it...that is what he is acting like. Apparently the fiance is just as selfish so it might be a good match.

Jess Baldo
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And how manipulative of the fiance to try and ar

Void Boi
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't believe they even asked you for it. That is your ring. Given to you by your husband to symbolize your bond and commitment to each other. How selfish of them to not consider you or your husband at all. If they think diamonds are a scam then they shouldn't mind getting a plain band or a nice cubic zirconia.

Alma Muminovic
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. He is a ridiculous child. If he can’t afford to buy a 4-5k ring then buy a cheaper one. There’s plenty of none diamond rings that cost much less and are still beautiful. Sounds like he is the materialistic one and a man child who will throw a tantrum if he doesn’t get his way. Embarrassing.

LH25
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No way in heck. If you were no longer wearing the ring, sure. Or once you are gone. I can not imagine thinking to ask someone for their ring that they wear, let alone get obnoxious when they said no.

Victoria
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Diamonds are a scam.... look into a unique engagement ring, maybe?? Who says it HAS to have a diamond?

KimB
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Spend your money on good gold get a stone that's not a diamond that you love or have a strong connection to (mine is black tourmaline) and have it set in the good quality gold. It will last a lifetime and it will be uniquely yours.

Eric Mesh
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If his fiancee wears her new ring (bought on credit or by loan by son) as much as the the OP (i.e.everyday for the rest of her life ) wouldn't the temporary debt be worth it? I'm sure the OP's husband feels the money spent was well worth it.

Dill
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is the debt really worth it though? When you can have so many other beautiful rings that are affordable. They've just got caught up in the hype of diamonds while at the same time dissing it. Clearly appearances matter a tad too much. It's so difficult to get enough money for a deposit for a home and the cost of living is constantly rising. Debt for jewellery would, in my opinion, be daft.

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King Cheetah
Community Member
5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Diamonds themselves are not scam, peopl just tend to believe in fairy tales, like it's the "sign of something important". It's not, it's just a well cut piece of carbon which reflects light very well. If you're so "enlighted" to call diamonds a scam, just get moissanite