Mother Is Called ‘Materialistic’ After Refusing To Pass On Her Engagement Ring As An Heirloom
Proposing goes hand in hand with a vast amount of pressure to get things right. From selecting a magical spot to uttering the right words, you know this is the moment you’ll tell your grandkids about. But before you get down on one knee, you also have to consider the sum you’re willing to spend on a beautiful piece of jewelry your loved one will cherish for years to come. One man came up with a scheme to avoid going into debt for buying an expensive engagement ring but, apparently, didn’t think his whole plan through.
Nine months ago, Redditor aita-ering reached out to the AITA community after a heated argument with her son, Sam. The 26-year-old man finally decided to pop the big question to his longtime girlfriend, Emily. But the thrill of the good news quickly disappeared when he asked his mother to take the ring off her finger to pass it down to his fiancée.
Sam somehow got the idea that he is entitled to his mother’s ring and that this way, he could save a few bucks and not buy a new one. However, the man did not expect his mother would love wearing it so much that she would insist on keeping it. Well, that didn’t sit well with Sam since he continued showing his disapproval of his mother’s actions and started arguing with her. Read on to find out how the whole ordeal unfolded and share your thoughts about it in the comments.
Proposing to someone is a magical moment, but it also comes with the pressure to get everything right
Image credits: Gary Barnes (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, this man didn’t when he insisted his mom pass down her engagement ring to his fiancée and got angry after she refused
Image credits: W W (not the actual photo)
Later on, the user clarified a few details in the comments
Image credits: aita-ering
Parents may have a duty to support their children no matter what. Yet, there should be no room in a family to throw accusations without a single care in the world. Redditors immediately sided with the mother and determined she was not in the wrong in this situation. With over 3k comments, members of the AITA community expressed their worries about the signs of entitlement her son revealed and offered their own insights about his actions.
To find out what an expert had to say about this incident, we reached out to Judy Bartkowiak, a family therapist, coach, and author of Empower your kids! A coaching guide for parents. She pointed out that this isn’t a child we’re talking about. It is a grown man who asked his longtime girlfriend to venture into marriage and possibly have children with him in due course, the therapist added.
However, she explained Sam is essentially acting like a child. “It’s all about what he wants with not enough maturity or emotional intelligence to understand that this is his mother’s precious and sentimental property, given to her by her husband. It is not a family heirloom, and even if it were, it is not something he is entitled to while she is still alive,” she told Bored Panda.
The man had no right to call his mother selfish or materialistic for wishing to wear her own engagement ring, Bartkowiak argued. “As a grown man embarking on his own marriage, it is his responsibility to provide for his fiancée, and if he can’t afford a ring yet, then perhaps he needs to save up or buy a second-hand one or cheaper ring, then upgrade in the future.”
Conflicts between parents and children are common, and occasional arguments are simply a part of family life. However, it’s important to try our best to prevent them from becoming permanent disputes that bring tension and stress and affect our well-being. Speaking of this particular situation, the therapist noticed that Sam is showing a trend of negative behaviors. “I suspect with such a man as her son, it will sadly spiral,” Bartkowiak noted. “He’s having a strop because he can’t get his own way and by bullying her, he is showing his fiancée how he will treat her when he doesn’t get what he wants. I hope she will see this.”
“I think the mum is being true to her feelings and honoring her husband by insisting she keep her engagement ring,” she said, adding that it’s rather unbelievable that a son would even be asking for the engagement ring while she’s still alive. “I suspect this is a spoilt young man and perhaps it is too late now for him to realize that you don’t get what you want by shouting at a vulnerable older woman.”
Bartkowiak stressed how important it is for parents to say “no” to their children. “As mums, we want to say ‘yes’, don’t we? But unless children hear and respect our ‘no,’ how will they appreciate our ‘yes’?”
“This young man is showing his true colors and I sincerely hope that his fiancée takes note and dumps him for a man who loves and respects his mother,” the therapist added. “[A man] who wouldn’t dream of asking for her engagement ring while she is alive and certainly one who doesn’t shout at her and accuse her of being selfish and materialistic. Get out of this relationship, sweetheart, this is not someone who will treat you with respect and kindness,” Bartkowiak concluded.
Redditors overwhelmingly sided with the woman, here’s what they had to say
!["Karen Complains To HR About My Body, I Uno-Reverse Her Complaint, [And Now] Everyone Hates Her"](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/coworker-complains-to-hr-about-womans-body-revenge-latest.jpg "\"Karen Complains To HR About My Body, I Uno-Reverse Her Complaint, [And Now] Everyone Hates Her\"")
Diamonds are a scam, but he wants yours? No, Sam and Emily are cheap but desperate to have a ring to post on social media. How could they even ask for a ring the mother clearly still cherishes and wears every day?
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diamonds ARE a scam. you know how you deal with that? DON'T BUY DIAMONDS. it's very simple, you go to etsy, you find something vastly more interesting (i'm partial to the pairing of copper and labradorite, personally) for a fraction of the cost, and you support an artist. the happy couple in this post sound like entitled twits.
People use gold and silver for ages for a reason and it's not only related to wealth. Copper oxidizes quickly while in contact with skin, gets dark and leaves nasty greenish-morbid-zombie bruises looking like marks on the body.
Then titanium. It will last forever.
Titanium is also cheaper than gold, silver and platinum.
Actually silver is very very affordable! Almost every piece of jewelry I own is sterling silver because it's a beautiful metal that won't rust and it will tarnish but in my opinion it gets even prettier with age or you can always clean it it comes right off.
I haven't had much luck with silver rings, personally. Yes, they're gorgeous, but every one I've had and worn on a daily basis has broken on me. Lots of heartbreak, I love silver too. They're not all that durable, especially when they're thinner and more delicate, like how you'd want on for an engagement ring.
I have an emrald set in a dainty silver band from 1920s from my grandmother's mother and I have wore it since I was about 12 I'm 38 now how do you break them might I ask? Do you buy too small and then get caught on a ladder or something?
But it turns your finger green. At least it does mine!
Silver doesnt turn your finger green. Or are you saying copper cause yes copper will most assuredly.
Also, diamonds were chosen as “forever” stones, due to their hardness. Diamonds stand the test time. They are extremely hard to damage. That aside, nowadays people are straying from the norm. My nieces engagement ring was a sapphire. My son would never expect me to just take off my engagement ring and hand it over. Someday, I hope to pass it down, in my will, to my grandson or my fiancés grandson, but nobody (but my fiancés daughter) is eying it up now. Lol. I do have cousins like this woman’s son though. Greedy and entitled.
Actually the slogan diamonds are forever was started by a jewler to make an inexpensive stone sell and it started the engagement ring boom in America around the 40s. Look it up the woman who started the thing I think workwd for Saks in NY. She made them rich the first year and only increased over the years. But she is who we owe our fascination with diamonds as engagement rings. Wish I could remember her name. Dang now I'm going to have to google it. I watched a whole show on it on the BBC 😆
Sapphire is a great choice, as it's a sturdy stone. It also comes in every color of the rainbow, except red. Then, it's a ruby.
Copper and labradorite sounds beautiful. Coat the inside of the copper band with clear nail polish, you won’t turn green.
Ya get the meaning through right?
If they're really set on a diamond (which is rather materialistic of them), they can get a lab-grown diamond, which is much cheaper, more ethical, and literally no one can tell the difference. Or, as one of the Reddit commenters said; moissanite. It's more refractive than diamond, almost as hard, and a fraction of the cost (personally, I find them prettier than diamonds since they have more 'fire'). There are some great sellers on Etsy who sell moissanite jewellery which is very affordable. Or, as you said, different gemstones. So many different options. I think it's pretty hilarious that they're calling her materialistic for refusing to give up the ring her husband gave her, while insisting on a diamond.
You're not dead and buried. Even if you were, you get to decide who gets your ring!
Exactly.
Even better - stipulate that you want to be burried wearing the ring. Put that in your will and choose an executor who will stand up for your right.
Diamonds are a scam, but he wants yours? No, Sam and Emily are cheap but desperate to have a ring to post on social media. How could they even ask for a ring the mother clearly still cherishes and wears every day?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I make more then Bucks 12,000 a month online. It’s enough to comfortably replace my old jobs income, especially considering I only work about 11 to 12 hours a week from home. I was amazed how easy it was after I tried it… :) AND GOOD LUCK.:) HERE====)> 𝐰𝐰𝐰.𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭.𝐜𝐨𝐦
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Cash boosting online way to work just for 1 or 2 hours per day on your mobile or PC wherever you want and start earning more than 500 per day. receives payments every week directly in your bank. no skills needed.copy the link to go the website,.,.. 𝐰𝐰𝐰.𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝟐.𝐜𝐨𝐦
diamonds ARE a scam. you know how you deal with that? DON'T BUY DIAMONDS. it's very simple, you go to etsy, you find something vastly more interesting (i'm partial to the pairing of copper and labradorite, personally) for a fraction of the cost, and you support an artist. the happy couple in this post sound like entitled twits.
People use gold and silver for ages for a reason and it's not only related to wealth. Copper oxidizes quickly while in contact with skin, gets dark and leaves nasty greenish-morbid-zombie bruises looking like marks on the body.
Then titanium. It will last forever.
Titanium is also cheaper than gold, silver and platinum.
Actually silver is very very affordable! Almost every piece of jewelry I own is sterling silver because it's a beautiful metal that won't rust and it will tarnish but in my opinion it gets even prettier with age or you can always clean it it comes right off.
I haven't had much luck with silver rings, personally. Yes, they're gorgeous, but every one I've had and worn on a daily basis has broken on me. Lots of heartbreak, I love silver too. They're not all that durable, especially when they're thinner and more delicate, like how you'd want on for an engagement ring.
I have an emrald set in a dainty silver band from 1920s from my grandmother's mother and I have wore it since I was about 12 I'm 38 now how do you break them might I ask? Do you buy too small and then get caught on a ladder or something?
But it turns your finger green. At least it does mine!
Silver doesnt turn your finger green. Or are you saying copper cause yes copper will most assuredly.
Also, diamonds were chosen as “forever” stones, due to their hardness. Diamonds stand the test time. They are extremely hard to damage. That aside, nowadays people are straying from the norm. My nieces engagement ring was a sapphire. My son would never expect me to just take off my engagement ring and hand it over. Someday, I hope to pass it down, in my will, to my grandson or my fiancés grandson, but nobody (but my fiancés daughter) is eying it up now. Lol. I do have cousins like this woman’s son though. Greedy and entitled.
Actually the slogan diamonds are forever was started by a jewler to make an inexpensive stone sell and it started the engagement ring boom in America around the 40s. Look it up the woman who started the thing I think workwd for Saks in NY. She made them rich the first year and only increased over the years. But she is who we owe our fascination with diamonds as engagement rings. Wish I could remember her name. Dang now I'm going to have to google it. I watched a whole show on it on the BBC 😆
Sapphire is a great choice, as it's a sturdy stone. It also comes in every color of the rainbow, except red. Then, it's a ruby.
Copper and labradorite sounds beautiful. Coat the inside of the copper band with clear nail polish, you won’t turn green.
Ya get the meaning through right?
If they're really set on a diamond (which is rather materialistic of them), they can get a lab-grown diamond, which is much cheaper, more ethical, and literally no one can tell the difference. Or, as one of the Reddit commenters said; moissanite. It's more refractive than diamond, almost as hard, and a fraction of the cost (personally, I find them prettier than diamonds since they have more 'fire'). There are some great sellers on Etsy who sell moissanite jewellery which is very affordable. Or, as you said, different gemstones. So many different options. I think it's pretty hilarious that they're calling her materialistic for refusing to give up the ring her husband gave her, while insisting on a diamond.
You're not dead and buried. Even if you were, you get to decide who gets your ring!
Exactly.
Even better - stipulate that you want to be burried wearing the ring. Put that in your will and choose an executor who will stand up for your right.