Woman Is Fuming After The Internet Turned A “Special And Fun Bonding Moment With Daughter” Against Her After Bleaching Five-Year-Old’s Hair
Recently, a mom split the internet by revealing that she allowed her five-year-old daughter to bleach her hair. In a video that has gone viral, Demi Lucy May Engemann, who describes herself as the ‘CEO of cool mom’ in her bio, documented her and her daughter Maude’s trip to the salon to her TikTok followers, detailing that she let the youngster skip school to have a ‘girls day’ together.
The Utah-based content creator explained how she allowed Maude to get highlights after she had asked to “bleach her hair so she could put pink in it”. The 28-year-old mom then proceeded to film the mother-daughter hair appointment and show how the child “got so excited the minute she saw how blonde [her hair] was”.
The clip has already been viewed more than 14.4 million times, and reactions immediately erupted on the platform. Passionate TikTokers wasted no time sharing their opinions ranging from praise to criticism — while some saw it as a precious moment, others were quick to mom-shame the woman. Scroll down to see the video in full, as well as the heated debate that followed. Then be sure to decide where you land on the matter, and weigh in on the discussion in the comments.
Influencer Demi Lucy May Engemann recently documented her and her daughter Maude’s mother-daughter hair appointment
Image credits: demilucymay
The now-viral video shows how the mother allows her five-year-old daughter to get her dark blonde hair bleached
Image credits: demilucymay
The woman let Maude skip school to have a ‘girls day’ together, and she excitedly smiled throughout the process
Image credits: demilucymay
Image credits: demilucymay
Image credits: demilucymay
Image credits: demilucymay
Image credits: demilucymay
Image credits: demilucymay
Image credits: demilucymay
Image credits: demilucymay
Image credits: demilucymay
The clip ended with Maude’s father seeing his daughter’s transformation, with Demi explaining he “didn’t recognize” his daughter at first
Image credits: demilucymay
Image credits: demilucymay
You can watch the full video, which got over 14.4 million views, right here
@demilucymay_ Here’s your sign to say “yes” more 🥹 pure joy! ##HausLabsFoundation##momsoftiktok##mommydaughter##hairtok##utah##thatgirl##thatgirlaesthetic##girly##hair##momtok ♬ Love You So – The King Khan & BBQ Show
Even though the footage shows Maude having a blast as she got to help mix dye, enjoy some snacks, and watch the stylist highlight her dark blonde hair, the response from the platform has been mixed. The video sparked a heated debate online, with one side deeming it a sweet and fun experience, and others jumping to the comments section to accuse Demi of damaging her daughter’s hair and foisting her beauty standards onto the child.
The fact that moms and dads face backlash online for their decisions is nothing new. After all, parenthood is an equally wonderful and challenging experience that lasts a lifetime. It’s a demanding job that is not for the faint of heart, as it does come with countless ups and downs, trials and tribulations, and a constant stream of advice and opinions from every direction.
When it comes to children and beauty treatments, it’s an especially delicate topic that causes quite a stir online. However, some experts recommend parents wait until their kids are older to bleach their hair. In an interview with Good Housekeeping, a New York-based dermatological surgeon Sejal Shah, MD, explained that because kids’ hair goes through many changes from birth to puberty, their hair and skin are more sensitive and therefore more likely to experience reactions.
“I really don’t think it’s safe to dye or bleach a child’s hair until after puberty, and ideally not until their late teens — at least 16,” Dr. Shah said.
The TikToker also shared some before-and-after videos of Maude showing off her new dyed strands
Image credits: demilucymay
The response on the platform has been mixed, with some people praising the mother and others criticizing her decision
Later on, Demi addressed the controversy in a follow-up video
Image credits: demilucymay
@demilucymay_ Replying to @christinamariedaniels #greenscreen ♬ original sound – DemiLucyMay
Well, Demi later insisted it was all Maude’s idea. The woman said she felt “exhausted” by all of the “mom shamers and trolls” who have criticized her for getting her daughter’s hair bleached.
“You can disagree, that’s fine,” she noted. “But the minute name calling starts or mom shaming starts based off one decision you disagree with — that’s where I’m going to put an end to that.”
Unfortunately, mom-shaming is extremely common. From brutal comments in online parenting groups to random strangers who act like they know your child better than you, many mothers feel pressure from fellow adults. In fact, a poll conducted by the University of Michigan’s C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital found that six out of 10 American mothers say they’ve been criticized for their parenting skills.
After surveying a nationally representative sample of around 475 mothers with kids ranging from newborns up to 5 years old, the research showed that many mothers were “shamed” for their parenting choices by different people in their lives, especially members of their own families. The most frequent areas of criticism include discipline (70%); diet and nutrition (52%); sleep (46%); breast- versus bottle-feeding (39%); safety (20%); and child care (16%).
There’s no one-size-fits-all option for parenting, yet some people believe that their way of doing things is better than anyone else’s. This sometimes leads to unsolicited advice, judgments, and mom-shaming — something that breeds insecurity and can shake a woman’s self-esteem and confidence.
To gain more insight from an expert, we reached out to Gail Post, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, parenting coach, and author of The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-Discovery and Support for Families of Gifted Children. “Using shame to express an opinion is hurtful — and also ineffective,” she told Bored Panda.
“Shaming is harsh and punitive, and attempts to challenge an individual’s personal judgment and sense of integrity. If readers had strong opinions about this mom’s decision to allow her daughter to have her hair colored, they could have added their opinions in a more supportive and helpful manner.”
When asked how best to respond to people who resort to mom-shaming, Post explained that sometimes ignoring the comments is the best strategy. “Other times, focusing on the process — such as pointing out that the comments were hurtful and certainly not helpful — is appropriate, although unlikely to convince the shamers to change their opinions.”
“Responding only to the content in the message would likely incite further debate,” Post continued. “Using calming strategies and seeking support from friends also can help with the hurt and frustration.”
“The little girl appeared to be enjoying herself in the video, and clearly was interested in copying her mother’s focus on beauty,” the licensed psychologist added. “Yes, it emphasizes beauty concerns above other traits one would like to see a young girl develop (e.g., confidence in her intelligence, kindness toward others); however, given all of the problems in the world right now, and the many problematic choices some parents make in child raising, it seems like an unnecessary and hurtful diversion to attack this mother’s decisions,” Post concluded.
Bored Panda reached out to Demi and will update the article as soon as we get a comment.
And here’s how people reacted
If you don't want to be exhausted by being judged, to put your dumb decisions in public. It's really that simple. Attention wh*re decided she didn't like the attention, boo-f*cking-hoo.
Totally agree!!
exactly! What is next bikini photos and baby pageants? She is a child not a doll!
Nothing like teaching early on that her natural features aren't good enough. I'll never understand girls/women with beautiful natural hair that destroy it trying to look like someone they're not. I'll never forget one I dated for a short time that has beautiful red fluffy curls and every day she flattens it with an iron and it looks like c**p when she's done. (And no I didn't break up with her for that. She broke up with me because I wouldn't give up my family & everything I own to move to an area where my skill set has no use.)
if you have nothing nice to say dont say it. having a spa day and taking your child to a professional hair stylist is not illegal or child abuse. I wish i had this kinda bonding moment with my own mother.
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you are scuh a vile person
There's nothing vile in his post. It's the truth. People put everything on the internet and then get butt hurt if they do not get responses praising their every breath. Your response is the one that is vile. Also, notice how I said your RESPONSE is vile and I didn't call YOU vile? Try that sometimes. Responses like yours are part of what is wrong with today's society. W
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And just because something is on the internet doesn’t mean u are entitled to bully someone else because u disagree. That’s exactly what this guy and these people are doing. Bullying her because she parents differently. It’s so ironic how so many people SAY bullying needs to stop, but then turn around and do it online but then say c**p like ItS ThIeR fAuLt ThEy PoStEd It OnLiNe.
I'm curious what your definition of bullying is, because disagreeing with someone's decisions isn't it.
Harsh words yes. He's right though.
I agree, just because they're against something someone put online, doesn't mean they get to be nasty about it.
skipping school to go to the hair salon. Sorry, but its not necesarry to skip school for that.
That was my thought. I'm sure she had a lovely day but giving her a day off school to get her hair done is a bit of a strange choice.
I have 2 sons and once a year, each would skip one day to have a special mother-son day. It was pretty much our only 1:1 time. It was precious.
Its KINDERGARTEN!! it was optional when I was 5 but only went to see what it was like
I agree. That’s the only part of this that bothered me, skipping school. This could have been done on a day where school wasn’t missed. I don’t like the idea of little kids skipping school because it instills values in them about the importance or lack thereof of school and education. I know they won’t miss anything important. It’s the part that life values are forming at this age. But on the opposite side of this, you could also say the value of importance of the mother daughter relationship is being strengthened here. So maybe that’s a really good thing. Hmm, I’ve talked myself out if my own opinion! lol Regardless of our opinions, this mom clearly loves her daughter and her daughter seems very happy.
She's 5. Lol I don't she's missing much in school.
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So y'all haven't ever called into work just to have a day off? Right.
I think it's a bit different with work vs school. I have accumulated PTO at work, but at school I am still LEARNING. The class won't go back and review lessons I missed, but my work will still be waiting when I get back.
She's 5. You let her not only put harsh chemicals in her scalp, but was totally ok with her MIXING THE CHEMICALS! With her face all down in that ammonia!! And all of this because the pink shampoo wasn't showing up in her hair enough? YOU DESERVE TO BE MOM SHAMED FOR YOUR SH*TTY PARENTING. First red flag reading this article is mom is an "influencer". That is something that shouldn't be a thing. Also...SHAME IN THE STYLIST FOR AGREEING TO BLEACH A 5 YEAR OLDS HAIR IN THE FIRST PLACE! What's next mom and dad? Actual tattoos?? Wtf!
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So u agree with bullying then hey? and online bullying? Cause that’s EXACTLY what u and these people trying to “shame” her are doing. Ur just a little bully hiding behind a keyboard thinking ur a warrior when ur not. Grow up
If she didn’t want negative attention then she really is clueless, about how to patent a child, she should never let her child on her on-line site to get more attention on what ever site she seems to be popular on. Just because you can have a child does not make you a good parent.
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And again, just because u have access to a computer and a keyboard doesn’t give anyone an automatic right to bully. I’m so tired of hearing adult make up excuses to treat others like c**p. That’s exactly what u are doing here making an excuse that allows people to say whatever. It’s bullying. By adults which is just disgusting because how the hell will kids learn not to do it when that’s all they see adults do?
You are just throwing around the term bullying without actually thinking about its meaning... to bully someone means to seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone percieved as vulnerable. This is not the case. People are standing up for the child and her safety because ammonia is a harsh chemical that a 5-year old should not be having anywhere near herself. The primary motivatiom behind the comments is to stand up for the child and make the mom give a thought to whether what she's doing is actually appropriate. Not to harm the mom's feeling in any way.
Bahahahahahahaha Um no. Just no. Aggressively dominate or intimidate are also terms of bullying which is what a lot of these comments are doing. And no bleaching a child’s hair is not going to harm a child. It’s not going to make them go bald as half these people keep claiming because they don’t even know wtf they are talking about. They are just screaming foul because they disagree without actually knowing any facts they are in fact trying to harm the moms feelings by shaming her as many of stated. Shaming is done to humiliate and disgrace someone. Needless to say that isn’t done in good faith or to be pleasant in any way. It’s is literally meant to emotionally harm and humiliate. Again, that is bullying
I don't know what's worse, the fact that you're defending some idiot influencer e-celeb mother using her kid for internet points, or the fact you typed out that "laughter".
No one is trying to "aggressively dominate or intimidate" the mother. Do you know facts? Do you know how much ammonia is in hair bleach? No one is saying she will go bald, they're saying it is harmful to hair, scalp and lungs. All of which are FACTS. This little girl doesn't know any better and apparently neither does the mom. People tried to tell her it was bad for her and she cried victim bc her responses weren't positive as she suspected they would be. Sticking up for a child and bullying aren't the same thing. Would you say the same thing if the internet got upset bc a kid had a black eye and they shamed the parent for it? No, you wouldn't. This mother should be ashamed. I learned pretty early on that if you don't want other's opinions then you shouldn't post it on the internet for everyone to comment on. You call everyone a bully but you fail to realize that by repeatedly calling people a bully you are in turn becoming one, trying to intimidate us into believing we're bullies. 🤷
Ok if u look at the kids finished hair, u will clearly see it was never applied to her scalp as she still has darker roots. Her hair was already very light so that never would have even been on for very long. Bleaching hair is NO WHERE NEAR A BLACK EYE. Like u seriously went down a spiralling rabbit hole that has nothing to do with anything. And no a child with a black eye shouldn’t be “shamed” if ur thinking that black eye happened because of dangerous parenting then u call child welfare. Not shame the mom on the internet. For the fact that ur equating bleaching hair to beating a child I seriously suggest u seek therapy.
The equation was that it's child abuse, and where did you get that anyone was shaming the kid? You just twist and turn things until you can create your own narrative. Even without it being on her scalp, she still breathed in the chemicals AND mixed them. I would never ask my small children to clean anything using household chemicals because I am aware that they irritate the lungs and skin if they come in contact. If I were to do this knowing what it does, it could be considered mild child abuse. I agree, you call child welfare, that wasn't my point. My point was if you saw abuse would you continue to stick up for the parent and justify their actions? If this mother was aware of the harmful effects, then yes, this would be considered some type of abuse. Maybe not as extreme as a black eye but when trying to make a point to an extremist who just keeps badgering others into thinking that they're a bully because they can see how harmful this is to a child, sometimes extremes help.
Nicely played!
If you don't want to be exhausted by being judged, to put your dumb decisions in public. It's really that simple. Attention wh*re decided she didn't like the attention, boo-f*cking-hoo.
Totally agree!!
exactly! What is next bikini photos and baby pageants? She is a child not a doll!
Nothing like teaching early on that her natural features aren't good enough. I'll never understand girls/women with beautiful natural hair that destroy it trying to look like someone they're not. I'll never forget one I dated for a short time that has beautiful red fluffy curls and every day she flattens it with an iron and it looks like c**p when she's done. (And no I didn't break up with her for that. She broke up with me because I wouldn't give up my family & everything I own to move to an area where my skill set has no use.)
if you have nothing nice to say dont say it. having a spa day and taking your child to a professional hair stylist is not illegal or child abuse. I wish i had this kinda bonding moment with my own mother.
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you are scuh a vile person
There's nothing vile in his post. It's the truth. People put everything on the internet and then get butt hurt if they do not get responses praising their every breath. Your response is the one that is vile. Also, notice how I said your RESPONSE is vile and I didn't call YOU vile? Try that sometimes. Responses like yours are part of what is wrong with today's society. W
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
And just because something is on the internet doesn’t mean u are entitled to bully someone else because u disagree. That’s exactly what this guy and these people are doing. Bullying her because she parents differently. It’s so ironic how so many people SAY bullying needs to stop, but then turn around and do it online but then say c**p like ItS ThIeR fAuLt ThEy PoStEd It OnLiNe.
I'm curious what your definition of bullying is, because disagreeing with someone's decisions isn't it.
Harsh words yes. He's right though.
I agree, just because they're against something someone put online, doesn't mean they get to be nasty about it.
skipping school to go to the hair salon. Sorry, but its not necesarry to skip school for that.
That was my thought. I'm sure she had a lovely day but giving her a day off school to get her hair done is a bit of a strange choice.
I have 2 sons and once a year, each would skip one day to have a special mother-son day. It was pretty much our only 1:1 time. It was precious.
Its KINDERGARTEN!! it was optional when I was 5 but only went to see what it was like
I agree. That’s the only part of this that bothered me, skipping school. This could have been done on a day where school wasn’t missed. I don’t like the idea of little kids skipping school because it instills values in them about the importance or lack thereof of school and education. I know they won’t miss anything important. It’s the part that life values are forming at this age. But on the opposite side of this, you could also say the value of importance of the mother daughter relationship is being strengthened here. So maybe that’s a really good thing. Hmm, I’ve talked myself out if my own opinion! lol Regardless of our opinions, this mom clearly loves her daughter and her daughter seems very happy.
She's 5. Lol I don't she's missing much in school.
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So y'all haven't ever called into work just to have a day off? Right.
I think it's a bit different with work vs school. I have accumulated PTO at work, but at school I am still LEARNING. The class won't go back and review lessons I missed, but my work will still be waiting when I get back.
She's 5. You let her not only put harsh chemicals in her scalp, but was totally ok with her MIXING THE CHEMICALS! With her face all down in that ammonia!! And all of this because the pink shampoo wasn't showing up in her hair enough? YOU DESERVE TO BE MOM SHAMED FOR YOUR SH*TTY PARENTING. First red flag reading this article is mom is an "influencer". That is something that shouldn't be a thing. Also...SHAME IN THE STYLIST FOR AGREEING TO BLEACH A 5 YEAR OLDS HAIR IN THE FIRST PLACE! What's next mom and dad? Actual tattoos?? Wtf!
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
So u agree with bullying then hey? and online bullying? Cause that’s EXACTLY what u and these people trying to “shame” her are doing. Ur just a little bully hiding behind a keyboard thinking ur a warrior when ur not. Grow up
If she didn’t want negative attention then she really is clueless, about how to patent a child, she should never let her child on her on-line site to get more attention on what ever site she seems to be popular on. Just because you can have a child does not make you a good parent.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
And again, just because u have access to a computer and a keyboard doesn’t give anyone an automatic right to bully. I’m so tired of hearing adult make up excuses to treat others like c**p. That’s exactly what u are doing here making an excuse that allows people to say whatever. It’s bullying. By adults which is just disgusting because how the hell will kids learn not to do it when that’s all they see adults do?
You are just throwing around the term bullying without actually thinking about its meaning... to bully someone means to seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone percieved as vulnerable. This is not the case. People are standing up for the child and her safety because ammonia is a harsh chemical that a 5-year old should not be having anywhere near herself. The primary motivatiom behind the comments is to stand up for the child and make the mom give a thought to whether what she's doing is actually appropriate. Not to harm the mom's feeling in any way.
Bahahahahahahaha Um no. Just no. Aggressively dominate or intimidate are also terms of bullying which is what a lot of these comments are doing. And no bleaching a child’s hair is not going to harm a child. It’s not going to make them go bald as half these people keep claiming because they don’t even know wtf they are talking about. They are just screaming foul because they disagree without actually knowing any facts they are in fact trying to harm the moms feelings by shaming her as many of stated. Shaming is done to humiliate and disgrace someone. Needless to say that isn’t done in good faith or to be pleasant in any way. It’s is literally meant to emotionally harm and humiliate. Again, that is bullying
I don't know what's worse, the fact that you're defending some idiot influencer e-celeb mother using her kid for internet points, or the fact you typed out that "laughter".
No one is trying to "aggressively dominate or intimidate" the mother. Do you know facts? Do you know how much ammonia is in hair bleach? No one is saying she will go bald, they're saying it is harmful to hair, scalp and lungs. All of which are FACTS. This little girl doesn't know any better and apparently neither does the mom. People tried to tell her it was bad for her and she cried victim bc her responses weren't positive as she suspected they would be. Sticking up for a child and bullying aren't the same thing. Would you say the same thing if the internet got upset bc a kid had a black eye and they shamed the parent for it? No, you wouldn't. This mother should be ashamed. I learned pretty early on that if you don't want other's opinions then you shouldn't post it on the internet for everyone to comment on. You call everyone a bully but you fail to realize that by repeatedly calling people a bully you are in turn becoming one, trying to intimidate us into believing we're bullies. 🤷
Ok if u look at the kids finished hair, u will clearly see it was never applied to her scalp as she still has darker roots. Her hair was already very light so that never would have even been on for very long. Bleaching hair is NO WHERE NEAR A BLACK EYE. Like u seriously went down a spiralling rabbit hole that has nothing to do with anything. And no a child with a black eye shouldn’t be “shamed” if ur thinking that black eye happened because of dangerous parenting then u call child welfare. Not shame the mom on the internet. For the fact that ur equating bleaching hair to beating a child I seriously suggest u seek therapy.
The equation was that it's child abuse, and where did you get that anyone was shaming the kid? You just twist and turn things until you can create your own narrative. Even without it being on her scalp, she still breathed in the chemicals AND mixed them. I would never ask my small children to clean anything using household chemicals because I am aware that they irritate the lungs and skin if they come in contact. If I were to do this knowing what it does, it could be considered mild child abuse. I agree, you call child welfare, that wasn't my point. My point was if you saw abuse would you continue to stick up for the parent and justify their actions? If this mother was aware of the harmful effects, then yes, this would be considered some type of abuse. Maybe not as extreme as a black eye but when trying to make a point to an extremist who just keeps badgering others into thinking that they're a bully because they can see how harmful this is to a child, sometimes extremes help.
Nicely played!