Man Gets Called A “Bad Dad” Over Inability To Buy Daughter $5K Worth Of Gifts, Stepmom Cancels The Teen’s Birthday Party In Return
It’s no big secret that being a parent is hard – however, things get significantly more complicated when you get together with someone who already has a kid from a previous relationship.
The star of today’s article is a stepmom to a teen. The girl’s 18th birthday was coming up, and she was in charge of organizing a party, but everything changed when her husband’s ex decided to lash out at him for not being able to afford to buy his offspring $5K worth of gifts.
More info: Reddit | Angele Suarez | Mecca Major-Martin
Woman gets put in charge of organizing her stepdaughter’s 18th birthday party
Image credits: Andrea Mininni (not the actual image)
Later on, a quarrel ensues regarding her husband’s inability to buy his offspring $5K worth of gifts
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual image)
Image source: u/Main_Promise1566
“AITA for canceling [my] stepdaughter’s birthday party?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities to ask its members if she’s indeed a jerk for calling off her stepdaughter’s 18th birthday party over a spat with her mom. The post managed to garner nearly 4K upvotes as well as 614 comments discussing the situation.
Getting into a committed relationship is challenging in itself, but when you’ve also got to think about building a sturdy connection with your loved one’s children – chances are, there’ll be a couple of bumpy roads ahead.
Stepparenting is a tough gig. You have to understand and follow any set boundaries, leave the decisions to the child’s biological parents, and endure potential blame; the list is never-ending, really – however, you know what they say, with hard work comes great reward!
Most of the time, people are happy to coexist with each other, but crazy exes are still a thing – take the original poster’s situation, for instance. Although we don’t know the full story, nor can we be sure that everything that was said wasn’t sugarcoated – having to defend your partner from his former wife who blasted him for not being able to afford to spend a fortune on gifts for his daughter is a bit too much, to say the least.
The author spent her sweet time and money trying to plan the perfect 18th birthday for her stepkid but instead got disinvited purely for trying to put her husband’s cussing ex in her place, and considering how the teen wasn’t even around during the altercation – it’s safe to assume that her mother could’ve potentially exaggerated the event.
And when somebody tells you that you’re no longer welcome since you make them feel “uncomfortable” despite all your efforts – naturally, your first instinct is to scrap it all, as why would you pay for a party that you were uninvited from?
The kid learns about the fight and disinvites her stepmom from the party
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual image)
To get a more professional outlook on stepparenting, Bored Panda decided to reach out to a couple of experts. Our first specialist is Angele Suarez, who is a licensed clinical social worker with 23 years of experience working with family dynamics and parenting issues. Before we jump in, if any of our readers are interested in finding out more about parent-teen relationships, Angele recently co-authored a book that will be coming out in July called “Living and Thriving: the Parent-Teen Relationship,” which also includes a section on stepparenting teenagers – so, keep an eye on her website for further updates!
BP also contacted Dr. Mecca Major-Martin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with a Ph.D. in forensic psychology. In the past, Mecca has worked as a Functional Family Therapist (FFT) supervisor and served as a probation and parole coordinator.
Our first question was why being a stepparent is so difficult, to which Angele responded: “Being a stepparent is difficult for many reasons. You may not have an established role in the family structure yet. I encourage all new stepfamilies to start with the stepparent and biological parent doing things together, allowing for this role and relationship with the children to develop. It can also be difficult if the other biological parent is not supporting your new role in their children’s life. I tell parents in co-parenting situations that they should think about a stepparent as one more person who can show love to their child.”
We then asked Angele how to be a good stepparent: “Being a good step-parent means having patience. You must earn a role in the child’s life before you can be a part of their guidance and support in life.”
Finally, the expert said: “Step-parents should avoid disciplining solo. Make sure you and the biological parents are on the same page before issuing consequences.”
Which provoked the woman to cancel it altogether
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual image)
Now, onto our second expert! Dr. Mecca Major-Martin provided her take on how to handle a conflict involving a stepchild: “Stepparents should want to be supportive of any decisions the bio parent makes, but also offering advice and speaking on what is observed is also healthy when trying to co-parent a stepchild with bio parents. Always speak to the bio parent before making any decisions on chastising and/or giving permission; you don’t want to come across as mean or a bully, and you also don’t want to go against what the bio parent has already set in place. The main thing is that the child can adapt and ease into accepting the role of the stepparent in the home by allowing the bio parent to lead initially and fall back when necessary, allowing the stepparent to ‘step’ in.”
Last but certainly not least, the woman added: “Be careful that the child does not feel ignored or left out of the new relationship. Always include the child in decisions that involve the family, such as dinner out, or ways to have fun so that the child feels included in the new family dynamic and this allows for an easy transition, but hopefully, this takes place before marriage or moving someone into the home. Typically some people will wait to introduce their child to a love interest until they are sure about the longevity of the relationship…so it depends on how these steps are incorporated.”
What do you think about this story, though? Was the author correct to cancel her stepdaughter’s birthday party, or would you have done things differently?
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions
So since SD didn't actually witness any of it and bio mom twisted the story so she would be the victim, bio mom is the one who ruined SD's birthday.
you should read the answers OP gives to the comments. "anything she perceives as criticism of her mom makes SD shut down. When SD shuts down she will ofter go weeks or months without speaking to us" The daughter is as manipulative as the mother.
I have siblings like that, and it gets on my nerves. My mom always got something going always with to use people and talk about people. When she's caught in her c**p and you call her on it she starts to cry and tell my sister and brother and whoever made her cry my sister and brother likes to call you up or get in your face. They learn their lesson when it comes to me and my family. They try us for the last time and found out that I do not care about calling the cops and getting everyone lock up if you threatens me. My cousin got marry a few weeks ago nobody from my moms kids was invited but me my daughter my son my son in law and my granddaughter. My nieces/goddaughter was invited as well as her dad. Me and her dad is best friends but he had my niece with my older sister. But my family is tired of my mom's c**p and how my siblings supports her and wants to always threaten people.
This is where it would have been great to have it all on camera. Considering how prevalent they're becoming now, it's almost surprising that it's not. I'd be filming any future interactions with the Bio Mum in future just in case.
I had to add my 2 cents. This woman/child is turning 18. Secondly she must be a woman since she didn't opy to stay out of the situation. Also; if you want things at her age she should be working for them not being rude, inconsiderate and selfish by asking her Father, obviously she's spent time at his house and knows financial situation is vastly different from mom's. She's headed to a witld of disappointment. Try screaming at a grown man about what you're demanding. Real men don't tolerate nonsense. Her mother sounds as if she's upset about more than gifts. Either she's the type trying to manipulate and control him and the situation, maybe she's still trying to get back at him. She's definetly trifling playing the victim because she got dealt with. Funny she wasn't uncomfortable when she cursed and screamed at her wonan-childs father. Lastly, that could have ended up with her receiving more than simply being told to shut her mouth. Does she watch the news???
Sounds like SD is being shaped up to grow up as a lousy adult, thanks to her bio mother. Fair do’s to the OP for not criticising SD; she comes across well.
That's what happens when you come from money. Some think they're above everyone else. That girl is already a spoiled brat thanks to her bio mom. I think what the OP did was more than justified in cancelling everything. I certainly wouldn't pay out that money after being treated like dirt. The kid refuses to listen to the truth. I'm sure bio mom can more than afford it. Sounds like she couldn't be bothered to put the effort forward for her daughter's 18th birthday. Money yes, effort no. Maybe bio mom needs to learn how to speak to people.
Maybe bio mom needs to figure how to be a parent and not a friend.
That is most definitely not what happens when you come from money. Thats an unfortunate stereotype that some people like to repeat. This is what happens when you have bad parenting. Big difference. Its very disingenuous to suggest that money is what shapes young people when its the parents that decide how that money is spent. Parents are responsible for raising their children not money. Its quite sad that some people can't see pasr that.
People are equally capable of being trash regardless of their financial status. Are you implying that "being poor" equates to a particular moral standing? Be careful with that. It can cut both ways.
Eh. Money doesn't change you. It just enables and amplifies you. A really cool person, generous and whatnot, can be much more generous when they have money. And there's a difference between "old money" and "new money." People coming from "old money" (i.e. wealth going back several generations) in general you'd never know they were rich unless you were close to them. People coming from "new money" (i.e. parents or grandparents struck it rich) tend to just throw money at stuff. Bio Mom is definitely "new money."
My family is quite well off and I would never do anything like this. That is a stupid stereotype and you shouldn’t assume that everybody who has money is spoiled and horrible.
I agree. Maybe bio mom should also pay for the party since she's loaded. I shudder to think what drama could occur in a few years if/when SD decides to marry; a taste of things to come.
Nah, even though admittedly I’m from seriously modest background myself I know a lot of people who come from big money and they’re nothing like that. This is a result of bad parenting, which happens in every income bracket.
NTA. If I was her I'd spend that money on some lovely sparkling Tiffany jewellery for myself.
Lol bio mom says that daughter must get expensive Tiffany jewelry and concert tickets. Yeah she can go f herself. If daughter should receive those things but then herself. And how spoiled must this teenager be to know to already love Tiffany jewelry??? Dad can’t afford it. Big deal. You can’t demand someone else to buy certain gifts.
Agreed. It's sad when people claim kids are so expensive and I'm like what are you buying them?! Stop buying name brand c**p! Tiffany jewelry, Jordans, Coach bags, etc. No. Set boundaries and say no and buy what they need. Otherwise so many children will grow up self entitled and thinking they need luxury items more than paying their own rent. So many young adults are claiming bankruptcy because of poor spending.
So since SD didn't actually witness any of it and bio mom twisted the story so she would be the victim, bio mom is the one who ruined SD's birthday.
you should read the answers OP gives to the comments. "anything she perceives as criticism of her mom makes SD shut down. When SD shuts down she will ofter go weeks or months without speaking to us" The daughter is as manipulative as the mother.
I have siblings like that, and it gets on my nerves. My mom always got something going always with to use people and talk about people. When she's caught in her c**p and you call her on it she starts to cry and tell my sister and brother and whoever made her cry my sister and brother likes to call you up or get in your face. They learn their lesson when it comes to me and my family. They try us for the last time and found out that I do not care about calling the cops and getting everyone lock up if you threatens me. My cousin got marry a few weeks ago nobody from my moms kids was invited but me my daughter my son my son in law and my granddaughter. My nieces/goddaughter was invited as well as her dad. Me and her dad is best friends but he had my niece with my older sister. But my family is tired of my mom's c**p and how my siblings supports her and wants to always threaten people.
This is where it would have been great to have it all on camera. Considering how prevalent they're becoming now, it's almost surprising that it's not. I'd be filming any future interactions with the Bio Mum in future just in case.
I had to add my 2 cents. This woman/child is turning 18. Secondly she must be a woman since she didn't opy to stay out of the situation. Also; if you want things at her age she should be working for them not being rude, inconsiderate and selfish by asking her Father, obviously she's spent time at his house and knows financial situation is vastly different from mom's. She's headed to a witld of disappointment. Try screaming at a grown man about what you're demanding. Real men don't tolerate nonsense. Her mother sounds as if she's upset about more than gifts. Either she's the type trying to manipulate and control him and the situation, maybe she's still trying to get back at him. She's definetly trifling playing the victim because she got dealt with. Funny she wasn't uncomfortable when she cursed and screamed at her wonan-childs father. Lastly, that could have ended up with her receiving more than simply being told to shut her mouth. Does she watch the news???
Sounds like SD is being shaped up to grow up as a lousy adult, thanks to her bio mother. Fair do’s to the OP for not criticising SD; she comes across well.
That's what happens when you come from money. Some think they're above everyone else. That girl is already a spoiled brat thanks to her bio mom. I think what the OP did was more than justified in cancelling everything. I certainly wouldn't pay out that money after being treated like dirt. The kid refuses to listen to the truth. I'm sure bio mom can more than afford it. Sounds like she couldn't be bothered to put the effort forward for her daughter's 18th birthday. Money yes, effort no. Maybe bio mom needs to learn how to speak to people.
Maybe bio mom needs to figure how to be a parent and not a friend.
That is most definitely not what happens when you come from money. Thats an unfortunate stereotype that some people like to repeat. This is what happens when you have bad parenting. Big difference. Its very disingenuous to suggest that money is what shapes young people when its the parents that decide how that money is spent. Parents are responsible for raising their children not money. Its quite sad that some people can't see pasr that.
People are equally capable of being trash regardless of their financial status. Are you implying that "being poor" equates to a particular moral standing? Be careful with that. It can cut both ways.
Eh. Money doesn't change you. It just enables and amplifies you. A really cool person, generous and whatnot, can be much more generous when they have money. And there's a difference between "old money" and "new money." People coming from "old money" (i.e. wealth going back several generations) in general you'd never know they were rich unless you were close to them. People coming from "new money" (i.e. parents or grandparents struck it rich) tend to just throw money at stuff. Bio Mom is definitely "new money."
My family is quite well off and I would never do anything like this. That is a stupid stereotype and you shouldn’t assume that everybody who has money is spoiled and horrible.
I agree. Maybe bio mom should also pay for the party since she's loaded. I shudder to think what drama could occur in a few years if/when SD decides to marry; a taste of things to come.
Nah, even though admittedly I’m from seriously modest background myself I know a lot of people who come from big money and they’re nothing like that. This is a result of bad parenting, which happens in every income bracket.
NTA. If I was her I'd spend that money on some lovely sparkling Tiffany jewellery for myself.
Lol bio mom says that daughter must get expensive Tiffany jewelry and concert tickets. Yeah she can go f herself. If daughter should receive those things but then herself. And how spoiled must this teenager be to know to already love Tiffany jewelry??? Dad can’t afford it. Big deal. You can’t demand someone else to buy certain gifts.
Agreed. It's sad when people claim kids are so expensive and I'm like what are you buying them?! Stop buying name brand c**p! Tiffany jewelry, Jordans, Coach bags, etc. No. Set boundaries and say no and buy what they need. Otherwise so many children will grow up self entitled and thinking they need luxury items more than paying their own rent. So many young adults are claiming bankruptcy because of poor spending.