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Dad Misses His Daughter’s Wedding Because He Wanted To Walk His Stepdaughter Down The Aisle, Now His Daughter Won’t Talk To Him
143points
Parenting1 year ago

Dad Misses His Daughter’s Wedding Because He Wanted To Walk His Stepdaughter Down The Aisle, Now His Daughter Won’t Talk To Him

A man left his daughter disappointed and angry after he missed most of her wedding because he had attended his stepdaughter’s instead.

The man, Reddit user OddRip2252, posted his story on r/AITA, saying that he did everything in his power to please them both: his stepdaughter sent out a save-the-date for her wedding, and then his daughter sent out her own a week later.

But the problem was they both fell on the same weekend, with the stepdaughter’s wedding taking place a day before the daughter’s, and both had requested that the man walk them down the aisle.

Even though they were a 13-hour drive apart, the man thought he could attend both. However, he didn’t account for getting lost and spending so much of his precious time in traffic.

The man ultimately turned to Reddit to speak of his unimaginable dilemma, and ask if “he was the ***hole” in the situation or not.

Image credits: Rawpixel (not the actual photo)

After the story went viral, people had many questions, so OddRip2252 decided to make a comment and address a few points.

“Yes, I didn’t know about dates until my stepdaughter announced hers,” he said. “My daughter was invited to stepdaughter’s wedding but obviously she couldn’t attend.”

“Now I am regretting not leaving earlier. But my close friend’s wife who helped plan my stepdaughter’s wedding told me it’s extremely rude for the father of the bride to leave early. It was a mistake listening to her,” the Redditor explained.

He did believe a 2-hour buffer would be enough. Especially since he took traffic into consideration. “I just didn’t expect to get lost and for traffic to be worse than normal.”

Quite a few people have also asked why didn’t he book a flight. After all, money didn’t seem to be an issue; he gave his daughter and her husband enough to go to Japan.

“A flight would’ve taken longer because of the drive to and from the airport,” he explained.

The majority of commenters said OddRip2252 was a jerk for handling the situation the way he did. What do you think? Let us know in the comments.

People, in fact, think he was the ***hole

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What do you think ?
Ritchat
Community Member
1 year ago

My first reaction was "NTA" since he tried to be there for both his daughters. I don't think it's relevant that one daughter isn't his biological one. He has been her dad from age 2. And he tried to be there for both weddings. But after letting it sink in for a few moments, I think he could have done better. You always have to count in bad traffic (due to accidents, weather etc.). So he should at least have added some additional hours to his estimated time. Or he could have just booked a flight. Even if his biological daughter seemed a little crazy before, that is probably due to years and years of incidents where she felt her father chose the stepdaughter over her. Even if he says he didn't, it is very real and true for her. On a site note: It's never a good idea to deny someone's feelings. And then I remembered how my father didn't show up for my graduation from art school cause he decided his resentment for my mother was more important than being there for me.

Helena R
Community Member
1 year ago

I agree, the two daughters don't talk to each other so I'm not sure that dates were set like that on purpose. They also never even considered going to each other's weddings. He had the option to say to step daughter that once he's walked her down the aisle that he had to leave for his other daughters wedding. Whilst it may have upset SD that he could not stay he would've been there for both important parts of both weddings. This probably follows a pattern of behaviour since they were little, bigger better birthdays, holidays that were convenient for SD and not daughter meaning BD got left out etc etc

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
1 year ago

This is about so much more than just a wedding: its just the representation of all of the daughters frustrations

Paradise
Community Member
1 year ago

kelya...if it gets so wet get an umbrella for your cat. Cats hate water. (Obviously kidding...I know what the bot means)

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Acceber
Community Member
1 year ago

Whether it was a test, deliberate or whatever, the dad could easily have left before 10pm. The actual wedding is the important part. Yeh, you want to be there for the meals, the party, the whole day but if you HAVE to be somewhere else, you gotta do that. I went to a wedding one day (which had a stupid breakfast the next day and had to drive 4 hours back home to go to another wedding reception - worked it out that as long as we left by 12, we had 6-7 hours before the reception started (and it was so informal people drifted in and out anyway). So Dad is the AH for not planning ahead - not a malicious AH but given the history, I'd had left plenty of time to avoid this situation

Winx
Community Member
1 year ago

That was my thought too, why did he leave so late? With something as important as this I wouldn't have left it to chance.

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Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago

The stepdaughter got dad fulltime growing up. The daughter got part time and child support. Now, at the time of the wedding, stepdaughter gets to be dad's priority, and he stays at her wedding until 10at night, missing the daughters. Yes, she should have considered moving the date...but dad also made his priority clear, and no doubt did throughout her childhood. Daughter has a right to be hurt.

Aria Whitaker
Community Member
1 year ago

^^^THIS!!!

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anarkzie
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

If you know it's a 13 hour drive why would you only leave a 2 hour window? Maybe in his head he is trying his best but if she has had to put up with these kinds of failings her whole life then I can understand why she feels less important. I also agree with Nyankh's comment that he should have been more involved if he knew that both his daughters were getting married around the same time.

danielw
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

he may not have had a choice. some points for consideration: a father's obligations go beyond simply walking down the aisle. there's also, potentially, the Father-Daughter Dance. More over, you might want to consider detox in the time calculations. IF there's a large amount of drinking going on- and it's a wedding either it's dry as a bone, or wetter than a fish tank- the father may not be good to drive until ten pm.

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A
Community Member
1 year ago

I feel sorry for the daughter. It is gut-wrenching when your father prioritizes the step family. This has been my life for 25 years and it feels terrible. The father should have tried harder, but he's probably just behaving like he always has. The daughter was probably devastated but not surprised.

Sa Ruuu
Community Member
1 year ago

And now that she knows how much he prioritizes his stepdaughter over her, they probably won't have a good relationship for a long time. Especially since he doesn't even want to acknowledge he was the asshole

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Martha Meyer
Community Member
1 year ago

I'm not suprised his,daughter was so upset. He's given more time to his stepdaughter throughout her entire life and now did it again on her most important day.

CP
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

It sounds like the courts did that, not the father.

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K Witmer
Community Member
1 year ago

Why didn't he know when both daughters were planning their wedding months in advance? Why didn't he leave at 7 instead of 10? Why didn't he get a flight he obviously has money if he can pay for a trip to Japan? Why didn't he use gps? They know when there's delays. He chose to drag his feet.

jennymac312
Community Member
1 year ago

My thoughts exactly on getting lost. How does one get lost in this decade? Even if he lost signal, GPS continues the route. I'd know because I lose signal every time I go to the mountains, but Google Maps still works. Plus, I'd assume he's made that drive before to visit her.

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Requiem
Community Member
1 year ago

Why is he driving when he can afford to fly? This all happened before Covid or theyre all being charged. He can give her money to drive to Japan he can buy him self a plane ticket and be in either place in an hour

Otter
Community Member
1 year ago

He said that flying "would have taken longer", as neither wedding site was near an airport. There are parts of the country where that's true.

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Random Panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

There is too much information missing to make a fair judgement. Who scheduled their wedding first? Being the first to send save-the-date doesn't necessarily mean SD booked/planned her wedding first. OP mentions his daughter calling him, accusing SD of knowing beforehand that the daughter's wedding was planned for that weekend and deliberately setting her (SD's) wedding the day before (yup, that does happen). If the daughter is lying, then dad did the best he could, though he could have left the first wedding earlier, not at 10pm. If she's telling the truth, then the dad is an asshole and he's definitely playing favourites.

Winx
Community Member
1 year ago

Dad should have known well before the invitations went out when both of his daughters weddings were.

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Stephanie IV
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

On the biological daughter‘s side here. Unlike many others I assumed that she simply didn’t know about her stepsister‘s plan. Which now makes her dad‘s incompetent approach to the fu epic in its failure. What a poor, stupid man. Bless his heart.

Truth Monster
Community Member
1 year ago

He did what he's done her whole life. Sent a check. How awful.

Samantha Lomb
Community Member
1 year ago

Split custody means that he had her part of the time and if it was 50-50 it is likely there was no child support. It is on the daughter for not moving her date once she knew there was a conflict. Though I might ask why he didn't leave earlier or fly.

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Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago

The actual AHs here are both daughters and the Dad. Had any of them made more of an effort to be more amicable to each other, then the step daughter and biological daughter might have been close enough to be able to work out wedding dates in which they both could enjoy the company of their father/step-father at their weddings. It's too bad that both of them couldn't have gotten along enough to avoid putting the Dad in the middle of a petty rivalry. There is also the possibility that the viewpoints of both girls may be a reflection of the wives. If ex doesn't like new wife, chances are there's some mud that being flung around behind the scenes that's poisoning these girls from getting along.

The-JoeBai
Community Member
1 year ago

Hmmmmm, indeed, we should take into account the possible influence of a mean-spirited parent trying to bitch-slap the other through the actions of their children... well-spotted!

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denzoren
Community Member
1 year ago

I can't really make a decision on this one but dude...why did you leave at 10pm? Was it a late wedding? I'm not sure but where I'm from...the entire ceremony is usually done by 6pm. 10pm is when all the sober people has already left and the after party is closing up.

KT
Community Member
1 year ago

Ugh the whole situation is a mess. Firstly the girls should have had their weddings with more time between, secondly the dad should have left the step daughter's wedding earlier. Thirdly he tried to buy his daughters forgiveness after the fact which is insulting. I think the daughters whole life has been filled with painful moments where the dad favoured the step daughter and that's why this has turned into such a mess

Bama Belle
Community Member
1 year ago

I've known more than one dad who loved and raised his wife's children, while choosing to be part time in his biological children's lives. I personally know a man who left his wife and child for another woman. He raised her son, bought him a car when he turned 16. Did neither for his own child. This man loves the stepkid more. I don't care what he says. Besides, he could have left immediately after the ceremony and flew to his daughter's wedding.

Dasha Slepenkina
Community Member
1 year ago

I feel like there's just way too much information missing for us to make an accurate judgement. Did the daughter deliberately schedule her wedding close to the stepdaughter's wedding to force the father to choose, while leaving him out of the planning until it was too late? if so, NTA. Was he actually positive that if he drove through the night, he'd make the other wedding and reception as well, because he had planned the drive carefully and genuinely had miscalculated? NTA. But I'd argue that if he chose to be unaware of the dates his daughters were getting married until it was too late and then trying to "squeeze" in an unrealistic drive he may be the a**hole. His language also alarms me - he calls her daughter resentful and implies he is closer to his stepdaughter because he got to see her more often. He seems to already establish a hierarchy of importance in his opening paragraph. His daughter needs him as much as his stepdaughter does.

Kristine Postell
Community Member
1 year ago

You blew it, Dad...in a big way.

Llama_flower93
Community Member
1 year ago

There's a lot of conjecture going on in the comments here. People assuming the dad did actually prioritize the stepdaughter, saying the daughter put her wedding close to the others on purpose. These are things the OP said weren't true. And so we have to see it from his perspective. I'm sure it's hard to have a stepsister and your dad sees her more, that sucks. But to the father they are both fully and completely his daughters. I think this family is just really bad at planning honestly. The two daughters failed to communicate when their weddings were, making them impossibly close together, of which neither of them decided to move. And then the father tried to attend the entire wedding of one of his daughters in order to not show favouritism but didn't plan properly to make sure he could attend his other daughters ceremony. I think the dad is trying his best. He probably doesn't understand his daughters feelings, I'll say that. But I don't think he was the asshole. Just bad at planning.

Lunar Bicycle
Community Member
1 year ago

Each of these women loves their father (forget the whole “step” in a case where a man raises his stepdaughter as his own), but couldn’t find a way to be grown up about compromising on wedding dates so that he could attend both weddings. He planned very poorly, but was also put in a rough spot in the first place. My half-brother and I don’t talk, and we live across the country from each other, but if we had to schedule separate events so special to our mom, I’d work something out with him!

Toasty
Community Member
1 year ago

I've read all the responses and feel that yours most accurately depicts what should have been done. Yes, he planned it poorly, but hindsight is 20/20. Both daughters should have known early on that their wedding was going to conflict with one another, and should have changed it, so as to accommodate all guests who'd like to attend.

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CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago

I get he tried, but he should have tried harder. The reception of his SD’s wedding wasn’t required he attend. He could have left right after the ceremony and made it to his daughter’s. He could have flown rather than drove. There was a lot of other things he could have done. I don’t see how blaming the daughters choosing of the dates should matter.

Ambar
Community Member
1 year ago

tbh I can kind of relate to the father, as I a child of divorced parents when I have to choose who I wanna spend the weekend with, I get so lost since I don't wanna let either one down nor hurt their feelings. as with the father he loved both his stepdaughter and bio-daughter(I'm pretty sure) and he wanted to walk BOTH of them down the aisle but then there was traffic and he tried to gain his daughter's forgiveness. I can feel that he really wanted to be with both and plus they could have made it a day or few apart so then the father could walk them both down the aisle

Sa Ruuu
Community Member
1 year ago

All I can imagine is how his daughter felt waiting in her dress about to marry the love of her life and waiting for her dad to come to walk down the aisle only to get a call or something from him telling her he wasn't going to make it. Because even though it doesn't elaborate, the fact that she didn't ask her stepfather in the first place meant she truly wanted her dad to be the one to do it. The dad didn't need to stay that late at the stepdaughters wedding reception if he knew he was on a tight deadline to get to the other wedding. Who plans driving 13 hours to a wedding with a 2 hour buffer?

Diana Murtaugh
Community Member
1 year ago

I personally think his daughter would have been upset even if he had made it to walk her down the isle.The step daughter would've had the fresh(er) father, while she got the exhausted one. I think they both put him in a lose- lose situation. The way he put it though, it really does sound like he favored his step daughter, and put her first .

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Tara Ray
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

I feel like there is a reason why she’s always been resentful and hurt. He might not have meant to, but the daughter probably grew up feeling like she wasn’t as important. As a child whose been the favourite, it’s the fathers fault...

Vicky Z
Community Member
1 year ago

I'm pretty sure we don't know the whole story and I'm pretty sure the daughter has been disappointed in the past also.... I'm not convinced by this "my daughter was always resentful." Sounds like a really hurt person that never had her dad!

cheryl strickland
Community Member
1 year ago

I think op actually does prefer his step daughter. He does not sound heart broken his bio daughter is so hurt.

Kayla J
Community Member
1 year ago

I feel like this is one of those that everyone should've received therapy for years ago. The father and the mother divorcing and she having to only have a part time father while her stepsister got to have him full time was very difficult on her. That doesn't mean he loves one over the other and probably tried very hard to make sure she knew that. However if she always felt like the second banana due to personal issues not resolved, it just grew into this putting him into an impossible situation where someone was going to be unhappy. Also, I feel like bringing up the step-daughter isn't even his biologically is incredibly cruel by people. Your father isn't always the person your'e from, but who raised you.

Kusotare
Community Member
1 year ago

If anybody is an a-hole here, it's the daughters/step-sisters who put Dad in this position. Dad didn't help much: he could have pointed out when they both chose the same weekend that it was going to be logistically difficult and could they please work out a compromise. They're no longer kids, and just because they don't like each other, they could both be adults about it and not involve Dad in their proxy war. Dad, you screwed up by not being more assertive at the very outset, but you're not the brown pucker here. The girls share that.

Leo Domitrix
Community Member
1 year ago

I think the dad is the a-hole b/c he obviously didn't do a great job raising kids into adults who could at least communicate politely by even *e-mail* or text... that, or he failed to mention to one that the other was also engaged, and didn't try to make sure he could be there for both by saying, "I want to be there for each of you, can we work on the dates" AHEAD of time, so reservations/dates wouldn't be a drama. I say this b/c in my extended fam even second cousins will message about this, let alone people who share a father (father figure)....

Id row
Community Member
1 year ago

If my father chose to walk his wife's kid down the aisle and leave me hanging, I wouldn't forgive him. The actual daughter should matter more and she obviously doesn't and hasn't ever been the priority for him. He made his choice.

RJS
Community Member
1 year ago

She's been his stepdaughter since she was 2. From her perspective, he is her "actual dad" no matter who provided the sperm.

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Dodo
Community Member
1 year ago

The only reason I'd say YTA is because he didn't leave until 10pm. Yes, you could argue that he'd be prioritising the bio daughter (because he'd be able to attend her entire wedding) but honestly, a two-hour window isn't enough. The fact that he missed the entire ceremony... how lost did he get?!

Kazza
Community Member
1 year ago

Dad has enough money to give his bio daughter a trip to Japan for her Honeymoon but can’t buy a plane tix for himself to get across state lines in 2 hours and make it to her wedding on time? YTA. As his bio daughter is proving with her lingering hurt, she would rather have had her Dad walk her down the aisle than be bought off after the fact with money he obviously could have used to get there on time.

AzKhaleesi
Community Member
1 year ago

Everyone that says he's TA is actually TA in this. He has been in his Step daughter's life since she was TWO!!! not 22.... TWO. At that point he's not even a "step dad." His other daughter sounds like a whiny stuck up asshole. You don't want to get along with your sister, fine, but you could've at least called her and been like ok let's figure this wedding situation out. And now not even willing to forgive him for trying? GTFO.

Soulstice
Community Member
1 year ago

ESH

Manuela Martins
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

First of all, a man who treats his stepkids like they were his "own" IS a good man and a good dad. But here it goes: you cannot serve two masters. His plan to attend both weddings was doomed. But honestly, the daughter does sound like a piece of work. Wanting your dad to attend your wedding because you need his emotional support is one thing, wanting him to be there because so you'd have won over your stepsister is a bit....meeeeeeeeh.

Elisabeth Harris
Community Member
1 year ago

I mean I definitely feel like the daughter is being petty, but she’s also kinda put out there her insecurities before and if you couldn’t nip them in the bud by spending more time with her as a kid solo there’s just nothing you can do about it now. I kinda wonder why if the dad had enough money to spend on a honeymoon trip why didn’t he book a flight to get a state away instead of driving. He would’ve cut out a lot of trouble that way. NTA but a little less thoughtful than he could be I guess.

JD
Community Member
1 year ago

NTA he was between a rock and a hard place and tried his best. There's a lot of "biological daughter thinks this and that" not the other way round - says a lot

Ashlie Williams
Community Member
1 year ago

Perhaps he should have considered getting a flight? 13 hours driving seems pretty risky

Abigail Azul
Community Member
1 year ago

He can't do both. But I do get why he chose his "step" daughter, for she has no dad apart from him. His biodaughter has a stepdad. Also, weddings are just weddings. You being there is all that matters whether a dad walks you down the aisle or not. A friends father did not walk her down the aisle because he has suffered mental breakdown a few days before. She walked herself down the aisle. Mental illness runs in her family and she knows she cant have it all, but when happy days comes she seizes it.

Catherine Kane
Community Member
1 year ago

with respect, I question the daughter's story. If her wedding was indeed already scheduled for the same weekend, why would the announcement card take another week to arrive and, as a minister's daughter, most churches do not schedule weddings for Sundays, as that's when you have services. Daughter may have been having a totally secular ceremony at a club, but this kinda makes me wonder Dad said he had scheduled time for traffic but traffic was worse than expected and he got lost besides. these things happen and expecting him to somehow psychically foresee that seems more than a little harsh I'm kinda wondering if daughter was doing her best to create a situation where "I'm the best"

Kiem Gallagher
Community Member
1 year ago

Genuine question: why not book a FLIGHT instead of giving them an additional gift of tons of money as he put it? Surely, that would've gotten him to where he needed to be with time to spare. I do think he could've done more, like book a flight instead of driving. I also don't think the extra money makes up for missing walking his daughter down the aisle. BUT I don't fault him for wanting to be there for both of them equally, people who think that bio children should be prioritized over step or adopted children are monsters in my book, you can and SHOULD love ALL your children equally: bio, step and adopted. Also, I'm far more concerned about all the nosey bastards getting in on their business and making things worst. They will either resolve it or they won't, but these are issues and resentments that they'll have to work through or live with... all these family and friends commenting, attacking and being assholes are just making it worse for EVERYONE involved. Stop it, be adults!

Noname
Community Member
1 year ago

Well, he could have flown down there instead of driving

Clearly sunny
Community Member
1 year ago

He should've left earlier, but people make mistakes.

Giulia
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

i can't believe all the reddit yta, the bio daughter here is in the wrong even tho we are only hearing op's side of the story, and we are assuming op is telling the truth of course.

Katy F
Community Member
1 year ago

This is a hard one to decide because honestly, I don't think there's enough detail to fully decide who's in the wrong here. We don't know what time the first wedding took place so we can't really base the 10 pm off of anything. I do feel bad for the bio daughter though. And I have to say that the dad is really mistaken if he thinks money will buy him forgiveness.

Aman Varkkey
Community Member
1 year ago

This is case of unfortunate events. The fact is both couples had decided when they wanted to get married and forced the father to run around. Since no detail about the decision or the location have been revealed, I cant say any more than that.

N G
Community Member
1 year ago

I wonder how much his ex influenced his daughter's feelings of resentment. With both parents in the picture and shared custody, unlike the step-daughter who only was only in her mother's custody, this man was only ever going to see his daughter less time than his step-daughter. Now, whether he made additional effort to make the most of his time with his daughter, or if he just treated them like equal sisters (which the daughter would naturally resent) is not entirely clear - he says he didn't give his stepdaughter preferential treatment, but did he give his biological daughter preferential treatment and she couldn't see it? (and we'll never know, having only gotten one side of the story). What's the age difference between the two women? If we take this man at his word, his daughter is blaming HIM for his stepdaughter scheduling the wedding when she did? I don't think this is as black and white as NTA vs YTA.

Jo Johannsen
Community Member
1 year ago

The obvious questions: 1) who set their date first (stepdaughter), and was there plenty of time for the other daughter to choose another date (yes). So despite so many people calling the father the AH, I personally think it's the daughter - who I believe was planning on playing this card right from the start. Dad did his best but his only failure was in not expecting Murphy to show up.

anarkzie
Community Member
1 year ago

We don't know that the date was set first only that only that the official "save the date" thing was sent first. His step daughter may have found out beforehand, it could be a simple coincident or you could be right that the daughter is playing games either way the dad was aware of this dynamic and should have prepared better.

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Anna Harding
Community Member
1 year ago

GPS, Dad.

Janelle Collard
Community Member
1 year ago

He's the AH. He deserves to be cut off from his daughter. He could have left after step-dtr's ceremony + been to dtr's ceremony on time.

westwing
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

This was a self-fulfilling prophecy by the daughter. By choosing the specific wedding date she did, knowing there was a prior conflict, the daughter was setting up the father to fail....and fail he did. She got what she wanted.

Bee Diaz
Community Member
1 year ago

Dad is not an AH, rather I think his daughter is. She probably planned her wedding just to coincide with her step-sister"s. He got his other daughter's invitation first and responded. Therefore, he did his best and his daughter should understand. The other girl is also his daughter.

chrissy goodman
Community Member
1 year ago

u send them after bc u cant send them if the venue isnt 100% confirmed

Piper McLean
Community Member
1 year ago

IMHO he’s nta. He could have done better but he tried to be there for both of them. I also feel like biological or not they are both still his daughters

Lira Mai
Community Member
1 year ago

I understand how her daughter feels. She never have a full family growing up.

Don Quixote
Community Member
1 year ago

So many daddy issues being projected

Lee Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago

Sounds like the " daughter " has a bad case of biological bitch syndrome

Karen Wenzel
Community Member
1 year ago

he was wrong for going to the reception after walking her down the aisle. he could have left after the wedding and could have walked both daughters. but he did choose the stepdaughter

Liz Strevens
Community Member
1 year ago

NTA Clearly the daughter set her date in response to the stepdaughter's; she meant to cause an upset.

chrissy goodman
Community Member
1 year ago

im siding with the dad i mean yes he couldve put in more effort to see his biological daughter but he made a huge plan to walk them both down the aisle and she cant blame him for getting lost it happens to everyone. it seems like his biological daughter just wanted him all to herself. also if the girls dont talk then how could the plan their weddings accordingly not to mention its hard to get the date u want and changing dates can b a pain so even if the father knew both dates before hand i doubt his biological daughter would listen to him her resentment runs too deep. i was adopted and if my biological father asked to walk me down the aisle id honestly say no bc he wasnt there for me throughout my life. his biological daughter seems selfish and spiteful and clearly doesnt care about her fathers feelings. he wanted and tried to make them both happy. she should see him trying as him caring about her too not only looking at the fact he didnt show up. yes he couldve looked into traffic and stuff but getting lost is a totally different issue. she is just entitled and a bit crazy and acts like his step daughter should b nothing to him. my siblings from my dads first marriage i get along with all of them yes he might favor the oldest but i dont resent him for it. this girl should seriously chill out and realize she not his only kid

Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
1 year ago

ESH / everyone sucks here. Your daughters both seem gross. Only an intellectual and emotional child would be so resentful the way both daughters are. And I question whether the dates were a coincidence or just a result of them both being trashy enough to do it on purpose. Your daughters deserve to be upset because they created this situation together. No matter what OP would have done, he would have lost. Of course he should have handled it differently so he sucks too. But the daughters are the creators of this situation. Pathetic.

Mike Beck
Community Member
1 year ago

I have to mostly side with the father here. He tried to please everybody (which is usually a mistake) and simply couldn't do it. My impression of the daughter is that she's a self-centered brat who probably only wanted him there for appearances. The situation sucks all around but in no way did he willfully and deliberately set out to ruin her day. She, on the other hand, had a perfectly acceptable substitute but wants to keep raking him over the coals for it. She's the aggressor here and I hope the groom takes note and leaves before they have any children; she will hold every tiny thing over his head and it will be a miserable household.

wild_mushrooms
Community Member
1 year ago

Everyone should have tried harder

Alexandra Davis
Community Member
1 year ago

He's NTA, he tried his best to please both daughters.

Rose the Cook
Community Member
1 year ago

Why did the daughter have to choose the same weekend for her wedding? Why not another weekend in the same month? Sounds like a test for daddy which he sadly failed although he tried his best.

Aria Whitaker
Community Member
1 year ago

See my response at the top...it actually reads like the daughter had her date set BEFORE the step daughter...the step daughter may have just gotten her invites out faster....but it was not a date she chose after the fact....

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

This one is tough. I don't think anyone here is a winner in this situation. There is just so much to unravel here. Etiquette wise you should go to whoever invited you first which you already said yes to. I wonder whether the biological daughter was jealous so purposefully made her wedding the following day after the step sisters. Maybe as a kind of test to see who he "loves" more. Even though the stepdaughter isn't biological, it is still his daughter too, and he'd been in her life from a young age. Choosing the biological daughter over the step daughter, even though the step daughter got in first. could possibly send the message that his step daughter means nothing and that he doesn't love her coz she isn't biologically his blah blah. I think either way he would be in the dog house. I think a good compromise though would have been for him to leave the step daughters wedding earlier.

Otter
Community Member
1 year ago

Yes, when dealing with friends or relatives who aren't incredibly close, you go with whichever invitation was accepted first. But not with your own children, when you're an important part of the ceremony! No, his obvious mistake was staying too late at the stepdaughter's reception, because two hours of wiggle room isn't enough for a drive that long, what with the risk of getting lost, traffic, coffee stops, followed by bathroom stops, etc.

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Donna Kamm
Community Member
10 months ago (edited)

I have seen this movie with my own daughter and her biological father. I am positive this is just one more, in a long line of choices he has made, which have resulted in the sidelining his own daughter. This is classic “not my fault, I was so conflicted, poor me.” And then he publicized it. What a jerk. Hopefully, the daughter can heal and use his behaviors as an example of what not to look for in a man.

Anna Simpson
Community Member
1 year ago

I think they're all As. Literally anyone could tell this was too much for one weekend. Both he and the daughters should've worked together to adjust the dates to give time for each. This is always going to create drama.

RJS
Community Member
1 year ago

NTA - in these cases, the stepdaughter announced her plans and dates first, with the daughter sending out her announcements a week later (and on a Sunday which is a very unusual day for a wedding). It's terribly bad form in any situation to decline a previously accepted engagement for a newly received invitation. If having him walk them down the aisle was critically important to either daughter, they could have talked to him to make sure that the date was free before choosing it. Neither did, so first-to-announce wins.

Mariette Ferreira
Community Member
1 year ago

NTA

Sher Bear
Community Member
1 year ago

Do people forget he drove 13 hours? Also that the bio daughter has the best of both world. The stepdaughter does not. That being his daughter has 2 dads in her life. The step daughter only has him. So who's being the snot?

Thinker Dell
Community Member
1 year ago

The point nobody seems to take into consideration is that the biological daughter had her stepfather walk her down the aisle, while the stepdaughter would not have anyone replace her stepfather in case he would choose to attend the biological daughter's wedding.

Subscriptions Chey
Community Member
1 year ago

It wasn't the "real" daughters fault that her parents got divorced. I'm sure what went through her mind is exactly what went through mine when I was a kid, "I hope he doesn't love her daughter more than me" or "I hope he doesn't forget about me". . Actions speak louder than words. Your "real" daughter should have come first. #2, How did you not know that they were planning their wedding for the same day, oh so wonderful dad? I'm sure it must have come up. Or, did your new wife strategically maneuver your decisions as mine did?

Pumpkin Spice
Community Member
1 year ago

ESH. Both daugher and dad (i presume dad) are at fault.

CincyReds
Community Member
1 year ago

Why wouldn't he fly? S**t if he can afford to send them to Japan, he surely could afford a plane ticket to wherever his wedding was...

Kelly Wood
Community Member
1 year ago

I'd say the step daughter knew of the date and she planned it this way and the biological daughter should come first. The father is blind to his step daughters true colours. The give away was the guilt trip given by daughters friend. He doesn't deserve forgiveness, but she deserves to be emotionally free and leave him in the past.

Bunny Gibson
Community Member
1 year ago

NTA. Blood doesn't make 1 more important then the other since he was practically there from Birth (2 years off). SD booked the wedding first, BD kicks off and still sticks to her date a week after, by the sounds of things, no discussion or wiggle room on either side. Why should 1 daughter get a full day from the father and the other only gets 3 hours? Yes, he could have left earlier, maybe a couple hours but to basically give up 70% of the whole wedding thing is a little unfair since the other daughter would get the full whack (Maybe touch missing at the end, he will need to sleep) As for flights, we don't know the flight situation, maybe there wasn't a good one? Maybe the family has had bad experience with them being late/delayed/canceled frequently. He tried to be there for both, s### happened and he missed a part of it, it wasn't intentional. His Intention was to be there for her.

Triv
Community Member
1 year ago

I'm reading this and given that his biological daughter provided her wedding date a week after the stepdaughter provided hers, no he's nta! B**** knew that her step sister had planned her wedding for that weekend, it sounds to me like biological daughter did that on purpose due to her antagonism toward the stepdaughter. Maybe dad was wrong to try and buy her forgiveness, but she was wrong for trying to make him choose between them. From the sounds of it, he had the step daughter's news before he had the daughters news, that's the daughter's fault not his or the step daughters. I'm tired of people going in for this b*******, the b**** was petty and she needs to be written off until she can act right. My sister does the same God damn thing, trying to make the rest of us the bad guy when she makes plans that she knows we won't be able to participate in. When you act petty like that, you deserve what you get!

Meami
Community Member
1 year ago

I wondered why he didn't fly unless his daughter's wedding location was far from an airport. It seems like he could have made it work. I did wonder if one of the girls didn't see something about the other's wedding on FB or Instagram or something and did purposely schedule it for the same weekend. I wondered about the daughter and her Sunday wedding, honestly. I don't think I've been to many weddings on a Sunday.

Jason Doakes
Community Member
1 year ago

What an incredible coincidence, so incredible in fact, I almost don't believe it was a coincidence.

Emma Love
Community Member
1 year ago

He's NTA, no matter what someone was going to be hurt. The daughter is being really unreasonable and holding onto jealousy when a father is very capable of loving more than one child, he did what he thought was best, he tried, he did it with very good intentions and love. Enjoy your parents while they're here you never know when they'll be gone forever.

Alexandra Nara
Community Member
1 year ago

If the wedding of his daughter had been first one he would have missed the stepdaughters one? Or planned better?

Roni Ingram
Community Member
1 year ago

The fact that she is his step daughter is irrelevant. He raised her from a very young age, and she considered him her father I assume. No one would question this if he had an adopted daughter. But the problem is that he stayed so late in the evening, or that he didn't book a flight. My feelings is that no one is the arsehole here, if we are giving the benefit of the doubt that neither daughter knew the date of the others, but yes I agree that he probably should have had some idea and that he could have done a bit better!

Community Member
1 year ago

Oh this poor guy. He was stuck between a rope that has been stretched to far.

Steven Rose
Community Member
1 year ago

It is difficult enough to meet the needs of one family let alone two!

Altea
Community Member
1 year ago

Daughters are both idiots for planning their weddings on the exact same weekend. End of story

chrissy goodman
Community Member
1 year ago

also we dont kno if the step dad paid for the biological daughters wedding or he did so he couldve only known 1 date his step daughters which is most likely the case

Derek Clark
Community Member
1 year ago

Let's see, two daughters plan their wedding in the same weekend and expect their dad to pick one of them. Dad tries to be there for both, stepdaughter's wedding happened to be first. And people expect him to leave early to drive for 13 hours to be there at the other daughter's wedding, because what, the dad can't enjoy the weddings? He's gotta leave the reception early and rush to the next one to avoid hurt feelings? He drove 13 hours, was willing to not sleep! Both daughters should be ashamed of themselves for putting their dad through that. Their day was more important and didn't even think about their father's wellbeing,

Melodie Jones
Community Member
1 year ago

Why drive 9 hours? Ever hear of an airplane?

Devan Vincent
Community Member
1 year ago

There's always a lot of animosity with divorces unfortunately between whether it's between kids or ex's and current wives. He did his best. I don't fault the dad at all.

the redqueen
Community Member
1 year ago

My vote is for the daughters planning, and both keeping their wedding back-to-back. Now tell me, they both didn't know this was going to cause a problem?? They knew. Emotional manipulation. They kept the dates the same, because they were competing with each other to see which wedding dad showed up to. Women can be like this, and most of the time, guys will not even have a clue their are " girl games" going on; two girls can sit across the dinner table from one another, and have a whole " unspoken conversation", by things they do, say, and in what order they do them, that convey exactly what they want it to: most guys wouldn't have a clue- ( some girls ignore, refuse to play, and some girls don't get it, but most do) Yep. They forced the hand, and one got smacked.

Akrin Playz!
Community Member
1 year ago

Both daughters are at fault. I feel sad for the whole family.

Akrin Playz!
Community Member
1 year ago

Uhm both daughters are at fault here. Either one could have moved their wedding date esp. when you know that there's a chance your own father won't be able to make it (biologic daughter) or that your dad will have to be in a rush and possibly miss his other daughter's wedding (step daughter).

Don't Look
Community Member
1 year ago

Once again, this isn’t about assholes. This is about a man who can’t win trying to compensate and two women who need to learn to communicate and share. And the dad needs to learn to plan better.

Melusine
Community Member
1 year ago

You're assuming they have both received their equal share of dad, however it seems like biológical daughter is resentful because she's always had less attention from her dad than her stepsister. She's probably always felt shoved to the background of his interest, while he has tried to make it seem like his daughters are equal to him. She knows they're not equal, his actions prove it. So that is why it's extra painful for her that Even on her wedding date he can't make an effort to give them both the same attention.

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brukernavn340
Community Member
1 year ago

THAN

Erick Blood
Community Member
1 year ago

Dumb question. And I mean it’s dumb. Who schedules weddings on Sundays? I have never heard of that at all. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, but….

Toasty
Community Member
1 year ago

Lots of people do. It is a day with less demand, so it is more cost effective.

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Deirdre Colón
Community Member
1 year ago

Jeeze. Life is too short. He did his best. I agree with those who said the daughters should have found a way to accommodate their father. Step is irrelevant. Sperm does not a father make. With daughters like that he can look forward to new weddings in the future.

Arctic Fox Lover
Community Member
1 year ago

Bro, are these people serious? They think he should have prioritized his biological daughter's wedding--which took place AFTER stepdaughter's wedding?! Once you adopt someone, they're your child forever, and just as much your child as your other children are. You can NOT prioritize or favor one, no matter what. The only reason he made it to stepdaughter's wedding and not biological daughter's wedding is because stepdaughter's wedding was before biological daughter's, and was in a place that took 13 hours to drive to and from. As you can see, he tried very hard and made a huge effort to make it in time to walk both daughters down the aisle, but because of traffic (which he could not and cannot control), he couldn't make it. I understand that he could have left right after the ceremony instead of staying for the reception, but still. And even if stepdaughter planned her wedding a day before daughter's just to sabotage her, daughter sent out her Save the Date after stepdaughter did

Arctic Fox Lover
Community Member
1 year ago

--but either way, that would be stepdaughter or daughter's fault. So really, no matter what, the dad is NTA and not at fault in this situation.

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Max Power
Community Member
1 year ago

This is wrong. The real story at fringe.today

Arenite
Community Member
1 year ago

Dad bred true. Both he and daughter are AHs. But daughter is much, much worse.

Kimberly Buchanan
Community Member
1 year ago

The biological daughter doesn't sound like she ever cared to have any kind of a relationship with her father or stepsister. And her mom could have poisoned her mind with negative things about her dad for spite. My mom did that to me but in a very traumatic way. She doesn't even want to talk to her dad when he reaches out to her. And then if she does talk to him, she brings up the past. All of a sudden when she finds out when her stepsister's wedding was, then she has a date? I don't feel there was any differential treatment. It takes 2 people to make a relationship work (of any kind). It doesn't sound like she made any effort to have one with her father or stepsister. She sounds like a selfish brat. My dad was not able to make it my wedding 3/15/2021. I did not throw a bitch fit. I understand the circumstances.

Wendy Baecke
Community Member
1 year ago

NTA- there was nothing you could have done to make them Both happy. I feel like they shouldn't have planned their weddings the same weekend. You tried to be at both and it didn't work out. Coming from a dramatic family myself and being around narcissistic people, I feel like even if you would have skipped the stepdaughters wedding, your daughter would have thrown that in your face too if you somehow. You were never going to make everyone happy. You clearly love them both. One of them should have moved their wedding- who ever sent out the StD card second.

Gabi
Community Member
1 year ago

It is his fault, obviously, as he did not learn on time how to teleport or do bilocation.

Jane Alexander
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

Bio daughter should have been told scheduling was too close unless she already knew somehow and did it deliberately -which I suspect. Dad did nothing wrong except maybe not asking for more time with bio s day so he could have enjoyed both weddings.

June
Community Member
1 year ago

Feels like the biological daughter is the real assh*le here. See, she saved her date 1 week after her sister. Sounds like she wanted to force her dad to chose. And she is mad that he didn't chose her over her sister. He just didn't chose... NTA...

anarkzie
Community Member
1 year ago

That would mean that the biological daughter managed to coordinate a whole wedding in a week, which is not only impressive but really far fetched. The dad knew she was planing to get married before she called him, so following your logic the B.D must have just been waiting all that time until the step daughter sent out her save the date things to kick the planing into full gear. All possibilities considered the dad is an TA for simply not taking a proactive role in making sure that their weddings did not clash.

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

They are both at fault. The daughter for putting her father on such a tight schedule, the father for taking the slowest possible way of travel.

lenka
Community Member
1 year ago

Sounds like everyone's the a*hole. The daughter and daughter-in-law for not talking to each other, the daughter for scheduling her wedding the next day in full knowledge it was going to be a struggle for the dad, the dad for not leaving the first wedding until 10pm and/or not flying and for thinking that money is going resolve a lifetime of resentment and rejection. Y'all need family counselling.

Requiem
Community Member
1 year ago

Why the F**k would they pick the Same weekend out of 365 days?? Who ever "save the date" second is at fault. "Oh shes getting married on this day? welll Im going to pick the other day of the SAME weekend" WHO else missed either wedding because of choosing one over the other?

Shelp
Community Member
1 year ago

NTA. He's done as much as he could do

LisaAKing
Community Member
1 year ago

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HeatherJ
Community Member
1 year ago

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He is NOT the ass. He tried his best to accommodate them both...however...why he didn't fly to the other destination and cut down time is a head scratcher.

Ritchat
Community Member
1 year ago

My first reaction was "NTA" since he tried to be there for both his daughters. I don't think it's relevant that one daughter isn't his biological one. He has been her dad from age 2. And he tried to be there for both weddings. But after letting it sink in for a few moments, I think he could have done better. You always have to count in bad traffic (due to accidents, weather etc.). So he should at least have added some additional hours to his estimated time. Or he could have just booked a flight. Even if his biological daughter seemed a little crazy before, that is probably due to years and years of incidents where she felt her father chose the stepdaughter over her. Even if he says he didn't, it is very real and true for her. On a site note: It's never a good idea to deny someone's feelings. And then I remembered how my father didn't show up for my graduation from art school cause he decided his resentment for my mother was more important than being there for me.

Helena R
Community Member
1 year ago

I agree, the two daughters don't talk to each other so I'm not sure that dates were set like that on purpose. They also never even considered going to each other's weddings. He had the option to say to step daughter that once he's walked her down the aisle that he had to leave for his other daughters wedding. Whilst it may have upset SD that he could not stay he would've been there for both important parts of both weddings. This probably follows a pattern of behaviour since they were little, bigger better birthdays, holidays that were convenient for SD and not daughter meaning BD got left out etc etc

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
1 year ago

This is about so much more than just a wedding: its just the representation of all of the daughters frustrations

Paradise
Community Member
1 year ago

kelya...if it gets so wet get an umbrella for your cat. Cats hate water. (Obviously kidding...I know what the bot means)

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