This Woman Doesn’t See Her Mom At Award Ceremony Because She Missed It To Be With Her Autistic Brother, Cuts All Ties With Her
Very often various unwelcome news, accidents, or tragedies show us who our real friends and trustworthy family members are. Even though we might think that those who are close to us won’t leave us when things start to look bad, unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Hard life events often alter the lives of families, changing the relationship between their members. One of the examples could be considered the story by Reddit user @u/waltzingaway78, who wanted to ask others online whether what happened between her and her daughter could’ve been handled differently. The post that received more than 24k upvotes was commented on by many other Reddit users who didn’t hold back their opinions.
More Info: Reddit
Parents are the ones who are usually there for you no matter what
Image credits: UC Davis College of Engineering (not the actual photo)
The author of the post shared that she became a single mom after her husband died, leaving her with two little kids, a daughter and a son. Soon after, the woman learned that her son was autistic. This made the situation even more severe as the boy wasn’t communicating much and would have physical meltdowns, but the woman shared that therapy helped to control this situation. The mom shared that because of this, she became a primary caregiver to her son and didn’t hide the fact that finding the right help was hard.
Reddit user decided to share the situation she had to face after her daughter no longer wanted to deal with her because she missed her awards ceremony
Image credits: waltzingaway78
The woman revealed that she takes care of her autistic son who requires a lot of attention
Image credits: waltzingaway78
The whole family situation escalated further when OP’s daughter grew up and a week before her graduation, there was an awards ceremony, to which she invited her mom. All was well because the mom was very proud of her daughter and assured her that she would come to see her daughter being awarded. For this occasion, the author of the post hired a trained specialist to stay with her son. However, once the woman was ready to leave, her son had a meltdown and instead of leaving the sitter to handle the situation, the mom stayed with her son, once again missing one of her daughter’s important events.
The mom shared that she also has a daughter who was graduating and was invited to her awards ceremony
Image credits: waltzingaway78
Despite saying that she would be there, the woman missed the ceremony because she had to stay in for her son
Image credits: waltzingaway78
After the ceremony, the daughter called her mom and was very much upset after going through another disappointment, reminding her mom of all the times she skipped her events to be with her brother instead. The woman poured her heart out, revealing how it’s hard to be around her brother and how she finally was “done” with years of disappointment, so after hanging up, she stopped communicating with her mom and brother. OP revealed that her daughter hasn’t sent her tickets to her graduation, didn’t show up over the holidays, and she even heard that her daughter was engaged, but she hasn’t shared news about this either.
After this incident, the daughter told her mom how she felt about being left alone in situations like these and decided to cut contact with her
Image credits: waltzingaway78
The woman shared that it was easier not to have her mom and her brother around
Image credits: waltzingaway78
OP shared that since the incident, she has only spoken with her daughter a few times, and during one of these interactions, she told her mom that it was better for her not to have them in her life as this way she won’t be disappointed. Despite knowing what she did wrong, the author of the post thought that she shouldn’t have lost her daughter over something that was another “emergency”. However, a lot of people online found this to be not quite the truth as the woman herself shared that her daughter was upset not just because of this particular event, but for years of missed milestones, events, awards ceremonies, and other events.
The original poster thought it’s not fair that because of something that was an emergency, she was out of her daughter’s life
Image credits: Aldair Nuñez (not the actual photo)
Having to take care of a kid who has autism is of course challenging, and a lot of times parents spend all their time and effort trying to make their everyday life as easy as possible. However, in cases when a family has more than one kid, there is a high chance that the other sibling might feel neglected or forgotten. According to WebMD, a news site that covers insightful information on health shares that parents aren’t the only ones who have to adjust to the situation of having an autistic son or daughter. But it’s also important to understand how it will affect their other kids. What is crucial in this situation is that a parent should talk about it with their kid, listen to how they feel about it, what is their relationship with their sibling, not forgetting the fact that they also need their parents’ love and support. The best way to do so is by having some one-on-one time with their child to do things that they enjoy and be involved in their life too to avoid the situation where they would resent their parents for not being there for them.
However, a lot of people online didn’t think that the mother was right in this situation, reminding her of how much she missed of her daughter’s life
Many commentators agreed with the daughter’s decision, reminding the mom that she has two kids she had to take care of
Image credits: waltzingaway78
Why would the daughter send the mother and engagement party, or Wedding invitation? She KNOWS the mother won't turn up. There is ALWAYS going to be an "emergency".
It's so SO hard to give up. You think you can, and then you see a friend's mom so attentive and keep hoping..
Olive branches, a small bit of hope this time would be different. It's why she just cut all contact in the end, that hope just gave her despair.
Mom has already killed that hope. Time for the girl to build an actual, STABLE life for herself; like she damn well deserves!
YTA. I'm not clear whether OP was downplaying what happened when her son had an outburst, whether lashing out translate as physical assault of the sitter for her to class what happened as an emergency, or whether the 'emergency' is simply how she refers to the son being upset. Yes, she'd hired a specialist sitter which showed willing to attend, but if OP had reason to anticipate her son would have an outburst when she was leaving, couldn't she have planned for an earlier departure or introduced the sitter on an earlier occasion(s) for a shorter period to ease her son it? What to me defines YTA is the subsequent comment her daughter didn't send her tickets to the graduation, doesn't call and she's only spoken to her 3 times since. A) Her daughter probably preferred to give those tickets to friends than be disappointed by empty seats; b) OP could have gone, waited outside and seen her daughter after the ceremony; c) OP hasn't commented daughter is not taking calls - is OP trying to call?
What exactly does this mother think is going to happen to her son when she's gone?
Probably expected the daughter to come and do dedicate rest of her life handling him.
Mom better be looking into homes for the brother, because Sis is NEVER going to leash herself to him. Neither should she!
That's so messed up. She completely deserves her own life without an iota of guilt. My daughter's father lives with his parents has anxiety and is very needy (broke up because he was literally throwing tantrums saying I always "pick" kids over him) we share one daughter and I often here him asking her "when you grow up you promise to take care of daddy?" ...she's only 5 and he's putting thus ever increasing expectations on her. I will fight with everything that she takes care of no one, I'll send her abroad the minute she graduates college if she wants. Bad people burden their kids as caretakers
And they’ll do it from a very young age too. I have 1st hand knowledge.
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Someone will need to do that formh8m when Mum dies. Sister must step up then.
That is a great question, and one that this parent probably worries a lot about. I know a family in a similar situation. The daughter, now in her 50s, had to be institutionalized after her parents passed away. She had low functioning autism, and while she is somewhat verbal, she has a tendency to lash out violently. About 20 years ago, she nearly beat her father to death (he since died of natural causes). Her caretaker thought it would be a good idea to teach her golf, and FWIW she did enjoy it a lot. But then she beat somebody with her golf club while in line at a Model's Sports Store. That person suffered permanent brain damage. She was charged with assault, and eventually institutionalized for the incident. The family in question spent their whole lives worrying about this child, and doing what they could, with the limited resources they had. At the final incident, she was already a ward of the state, as the parents had both passed away. Now she is in a care facility.
The kid hitting the carer, for example. Endangering himself and others. We most definitely do not have enough information on the kid size, past events and level of autism to judge.
I interpreted Beth's comment as meaning "What exactly does this mother think is going to happen to her son when she has passed away?" and not in regards to this specific event.
By the mother's account, there's a two year age difference between the kids when which would've made the boy 20 (thanks JBob) at the time if he's the younger sibling and that he has profound autism and those two factors means he can do some real damage. That being said and as both a mom and a sister to an autistic with ADHD(both thankfully mild) the mom is a straight up a*****e who has done real damage to both of her children by having no real action plan for her son other than isolated to one caregiver(i.e herself) at the expense of neglecting every aspect of her daughter's life.
The story is about the daughters college graduation. That makes the autistic son 20.
My mistake in their ages. I read this half asleep without my glasses on
Exactly. Somehow there are two people in this world have forgotten the son in question has also ascended to adulthood (the second being himself).
And to think, if the mom had actually parented her & created a fair level of understanding, Sis might've been ok with stepping up later. She doesn't owe anyone anything regardless, but may have been more sympathetic.
Why would the daughter send the mother and engagement party, or Wedding invitation? She KNOWS the mother won't turn up. There is ALWAYS going to be an "emergency".
It's so SO hard to give up. You think you can, and then you see a friend's mom so attentive and keep hoping..
Olive branches, a small bit of hope this time would be different. It's why she just cut all contact in the end, that hope just gave her despair.
Mom has already killed that hope. Time for the girl to build an actual, STABLE life for herself; like she damn well deserves!
YTA. I'm not clear whether OP was downplaying what happened when her son had an outburst, whether lashing out translate as physical assault of the sitter for her to class what happened as an emergency, or whether the 'emergency' is simply how she refers to the son being upset. Yes, she'd hired a specialist sitter which showed willing to attend, but if OP had reason to anticipate her son would have an outburst when she was leaving, couldn't she have planned for an earlier departure or introduced the sitter on an earlier occasion(s) for a shorter period to ease her son it? What to me defines YTA is the subsequent comment her daughter didn't send her tickets to the graduation, doesn't call and she's only spoken to her 3 times since. A) Her daughter probably preferred to give those tickets to friends than be disappointed by empty seats; b) OP could have gone, waited outside and seen her daughter after the ceremony; c) OP hasn't commented daughter is not taking calls - is OP trying to call?
What exactly does this mother think is going to happen to her son when she's gone?
Probably expected the daughter to come and do dedicate rest of her life handling him.
Mom better be looking into homes for the brother, because Sis is NEVER going to leash herself to him. Neither should she!
That's so messed up. She completely deserves her own life without an iota of guilt. My daughter's father lives with his parents has anxiety and is very needy (broke up because he was literally throwing tantrums saying I always "pick" kids over him) we share one daughter and I often here him asking her "when you grow up you promise to take care of daddy?" ...she's only 5 and he's putting thus ever increasing expectations on her. I will fight with everything that she takes care of no one, I'll send her abroad the minute she graduates college if she wants. Bad people burden their kids as caretakers
And they’ll do it from a very young age too. I have 1st hand knowledge.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Someone will need to do that formh8m when Mum dies. Sister must step up then.
That is a great question, and one that this parent probably worries a lot about. I know a family in a similar situation. The daughter, now in her 50s, had to be institutionalized after her parents passed away. She had low functioning autism, and while she is somewhat verbal, she has a tendency to lash out violently. About 20 years ago, she nearly beat her father to death (he since died of natural causes). Her caretaker thought it would be a good idea to teach her golf, and FWIW she did enjoy it a lot. But then she beat somebody with her golf club while in line at a Model's Sports Store. That person suffered permanent brain damage. She was charged with assault, and eventually institutionalized for the incident. The family in question spent their whole lives worrying about this child, and doing what they could, with the limited resources they had. At the final incident, she was already a ward of the state, as the parents had both passed away. Now she is in a care facility.
The kid hitting the carer, for example. Endangering himself and others. We most definitely do not have enough information on the kid size, past events and level of autism to judge.
I interpreted Beth's comment as meaning "What exactly does this mother think is going to happen to her son when she has passed away?" and not in regards to this specific event.
By the mother's account, there's a two year age difference between the kids when which would've made the boy 20 (thanks JBob) at the time if he's the younger sibling and that he has profound autism and those two factors means he can do some real damage. That being said and as both a mom and a sister to an autistic with ADHD(both thankfully mild) the mom is a straight up a*****e who has done real damage to both of her children by having no real action plan for her son other than isolated to one caregiver(i.e herself) at the expense of neglecting every aspect of her daughter's life.
The story is about the daughters college graduation. That makes the autistic son 20.
My mistake in their ages. I read this half asleep without my glasses on
Exactly. Somehow there are two people in this world have forgotten the son in question has also ascended to adulthood (the second being himself).
And to think, if the mom had actually parented her & created a fair level of understanding, Sis might've been ok with stepping up later. She doesn't owe anyone anything regardless, but may have been more sympathetic.