Mom Gets Kicked Out For Not Taking The Hint That Her Son And DIL Want Alone Time
The great Argentine writer Jorge Luis Borges once said that all world literature can fit into four main plots: the siege of a city, the search, the passing away of God, and the homecoming. Well, we’re not sure what the great writer would say about today’s tale, but it certainly begins with a homecoming.
Just judge for yourself: the husband of the user u/Fun_Self_5904, who told us this story, returned home after two months of absence for work, and his wife, who had been so impatiently awaiting his return for many understandable reasons, suddenly encountered an unexpected obstacle to much-coveted intimacy in the form of… well, of course, his mom!
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has a husband who once left for another state for 2 months with his work
Image credits: Josh Willink (not the actual photo)
But when the guy returned home, he was met not only by his wife, but by his mom too
Image credits: u/Fun_Self_590
The MIL spent 9 days at the spouses’ house, not giving them a single minute for intimacy
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Fun_Self_590
The woman finally lost her temper and said to MIL’s face that she wanted to have intimacy with her spouse and wanted her to leave as soon as possible
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Fun_Self_590
The MIL left but the very next day started to annoy both spouses with her grudges and judgements
In fact, everything is quite simple. The Original Poster’s (OP) husband had traveled to another state for work and was away for two months. And, of course, during this time, his wife managed to get bored as hell – so when the guy finally returned, she was looking forward to some long-awaited intimacy with him. But there was unexpected trouble too…
Not only the wife met her husband, but also his mother, who, as it turned out, had also dearly missed her beloved 31 year-old kid. She missed him so much that she announced that she would spend the next few days at the couple’s house. And the spouse, obviously, turned out to be too polite and delicate to defend their own personal boundaries.
Even if you haven’t read or watched George Orwell’s 1984, you probably remember that iconic phrase “Big Brother is watching you!” Only instead of Big Brother, there was Big Mother. The mother-in-law literally followed the spouses on their heels, practically never leaving them together for a single minute.
When darkness descended on the city, the situation did not improve at all, because the author’s house has fairly thin walls, so that any more or less loud sound from their bedroom would instantly become public knowledge. Have I already said that the OP and her husband seem to be overly delicate and modest people?
However, at the end of the ninth day, the woman, hungry for intimacy, couldn’t stand it any more and declared to her MIL’s face that she wanted intimacy with her son, so she would be extremely grateful if the overly caring mom finally went home. Well, the MIL left with a mixture of indignation and wrath on her face, and the couple finally got the opportunity… let’s not continue here.
I’ll just say that the next day, and in the days that followed, both spouses withstood a real siege from the husband’s mom, who constantly reproached the author for “disrespect”, and buzzed her son’s ears about the fact that such an ill-mannered person as the OP wasn’t worthy of him at all. Damn it, after reading the last paragraph, Mr. Borges would definitely add a plot about the siege of the city here too…
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
“Based on what I’ve read, I can only say that there are obvious violations of personal boundaries on the part of the husband’s mother, and I’m only amazed at the boundless patience of this woman, who took nine whole days to put the question bluntly,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, to whom Bored Panda reached out for a comment here. “However, I am no less surprised by the lack of initiative of this woman’s husband.”
“Unfortunately, there are often cases when mothers continue to perceive their already grown-up sons as still little kids who require care and supervision. And they are certainly not ready to delegate this ‘care and supervision’ to their SOs and spouses. And men, in turn, having spent their entire childhood and youth in an atmosphere of passive aggression and manipulation, are ready to endure anything so as not to escalate the conflict.”
“In any case, here, it seems to me, they all need a detailed conversation with the mother-in-law that her son has grown up a long time ago, he has his own family, his own life, and this life has boundaries that she shouldn’t violate. And ideally, this conversation should be conducted by the husband,” Irina claims.
Commenters also aren’t exactly mincing their words about the OP’s MIL, claiming that her husband should have actually intervened on day one by sending the overprotective mom home. However, according to the author, this is the first time such a situation has happened, and usually the husband’s mom comes to visit them “only” once or twice a week.
By the way, the original poster noted in the comments that her husband really agreed with her that his mom was behaving strangely, but didn’t want to argue with her, because otherwise she would have turned all their numerous relatives against him. As it has happened more than once in the past.
Be that as it may, people in the comments noted that with such actions, the OP’s MIL is definitely trying to undermine their marriage. “Keep your husband on your side and make sure you’re a united front on responses,” one of the commenters reasonably wrote. And the author herself confirmed that she’d definitely talk to her husband about this. Well, let’s wish her success, and in the meantime, let’s exchange views on this case in the comments here.
People in the comments unanimously sided with the wife, urging her to set boundaries together with her husband just to save their marriage
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Makes sense that MIL called them hosts cuz she's a freakin parasite.
Need to deal with it now, especially if they should consider having children.
It ain't gonna happen. The dude needs to grow a pair and deal with his mother but it won't happen unless something drastic happens to change his outlook, or gives the situation some urgency. As long as his wife will run interference there's no reason for him to become the bad guy in the scenario. I've been there, right down to the prying, prowling, always underfoot, etc. It's not a life you want to live.
Load More Replies... I just don't get that she lives only an hour away why the need to stay nine days? An hour is not that far. Most people do that every day for their daily commute.
And not seeing him for two months meant she needed to stay for nine days? He hadn’t left for two years. Staying for a weekend would have been enough. But not asking if you can stay but just inviting yourself is crazy to me. MIL is clearly obsessed with her son if she can’t stand a small time apart.
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I wonder if they live an hour away to stop her popping in whenever she wants?!
OP says in the comments that she visits once or twice a week. That hour isn't enough to stop Mommy from seeing her little boy!
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That's just creepy when mothers are so obsessed with their sons. I can't imagine my mom doing anything like that. She doesn't even like when my brother stays at their house too long because he's a lazy slob. :) There's something seriously wrong with women who treat their sons like substitute husbands. This lady sounds nuts!
This like this make you feel like just upping sticks and not telling anyone where you have moved to.
I have no shame. I'd just fork him anyway, MIL and thin walls be damned. If she complains, oh well, she can GTFO.
Uhhhh........ did anyone else notice that husband's side of the family is extremly manipulative???? Man needs some therapy to deal with everything they've done.
I could understand staying for awhile if she'd flown in from another country or was a two day drive away or something. But she lives an hour away. WTF? That's a quick visit and back home in the same day, it doesn't even warrant staying overnight, nevermind more than a week.
why is setting boundaries so hard for people? after 1 or 2 days, they should have let her know her stay was over
Odd. OP didn't mention if the MIL is divorced/widowed, but there is no mention in the story about the FIL. I'm assuming there is no FIL, which would make MIL an old, lonely, unhappy, bored woman. In that case, OP and her husband should put MIL on some dating or friendship sites, get her some action, so she can stop leeching off their marriage.
Maybe there is no FIL because he made her feel old, lonely, unhappy, and bored. Women don't suddenly become "old" (she's 56) etc. after losing a husband. I'm guessing divorced or FIL would have had something to say.
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My entire horde of in-laws travel as a pack. They will invite themselves to our place for two week visits. My darling and I will slip into our walk-in closet and "love" with stealth rather than wait patiently for everyone to go home. Sneaky can be fun.
Crosses the boundaries? This MIL doesn't cross boundaries, she POLE-VAULTS over them.
This was 100% husband's problem to solve. After the first full week he should have encouraged her to leave as they had many household tasks that needed done. He should have called home and told them to invent a reason for her to go back - though they are probably fine that she's gone. Tell mom they have plans with friends they can't cancel and they will see her again in a week or three. Or just tell her, "My wife wants you to leave" - the coward's way out will still get the job done.
I think you can politely yet firmly inform MIL that tonight husband and wife are going to dinner. Hosting for over a week is generous, especially if the company lives an hour away.
Sounds like MIL doesn't know how to be alone/doesn't like being alone. Understandable but not when executed like this. I might have (if I were in OP's shoes) been OK with MIL staying for a couple of days or the three of them having dinner together to celebrate hubby's return and then going home, but MIL staying at their house for 9 days? No, please!
Makes sense that MIL called them hosts cuz she's a freakin parasite.
Need to deal with it now, especially if they should consider having children.
It ain't gonna happen. The dude needs to grow a pair and deal with his mother but it won't happen unless something drastic happens to change his outlook, or gives the situation some urgency. As long as his wife will run interference there's no reason for him to become the bad guy in the scenario. I've been there, right down to the prying, prowling, always underfoot, etc. It's not a life you want to live.
Load More Replies... I just don't get that she lives only an hour away why the need to stay nine days? An hour is not that far. Most people do that every day for their daily commute.
And not seeing him for two months meant she needed to stay for nine days? He hadn’t left for two years. Staying for a weekend would have been enough. But not asking if you can stay but just inviting yourself is crazy to me. MIL is clearly obsessed with her son if she can’t stand a small time apart.
Load More Replies... I wonder if they live an hour away to stop her popping in whenever she wants?!
OP says in the comments that she visits once or twice a week. That hour isn't enough to stop Mommy from seeing her little boy!
Load More Replies... That's just creepy when mothers are so obsessed with their sons. I can't imagine my mom doing anything like that. She doesn't even like when my brother stays at their house too long because he's a lazy slob. :) There's something seriously wrong with women who treat their sons like substitute husbands. This lady sounds nuts!
This like this make you feel like just upping sticks and not telling anyone where you have moved to.
I have no shame. I'd just fork him anyway, MIL and thin walls be damned. If she complains, oh well, she can GTFO.
Uhhhh........ did anyone else notice that husband's side of the family is extremly manipulative???? Man needs some therapy to deal with everything they've done.
I could understand staying for awhile if she'd flown in from another country or was a two day drive away or something. But she lives an hour away. WTF? That's a quick visit and back home in the same day, it doesn't even warrant staying overnight, nevermind more than a week.
why is setting boundaries so hard for people? after 1 or 2 days, they should have let her know her stay was over
Odd. OP didn't mention if the MIL is divorced/widowed, but there is no mention in the story about the FIL. I'm assuming there is no FIL, which would make MIL an old, lonely, unhappy, bored woman. In that case, OP and her husband should put MIL on some dating or friendship sites, get her some action, so she can stop leeching off their marriage.
Maybe there is no FIL because he made her feel old, lonely, unhappy, and bored. Women don't suddenly become "old" (she's 56) etc. after losing a husband. I'm guessing divorced or FIL would have had something to say.
Load More Replies... My entire horde of in-laws travel as a pack. They will invite themselves to our place for two week visits. My darling and I will slip into our walk-in closet and "love" with stealth rather than wait patiently for everyone to go home. Sneaky can be fun.
Crosses the boundaries? This MIL doesn't cross boundaries, she POLE-VAULTS over them.
This was 100% husband's problem to solve. After the first full week he should have encouraged her to leave as they had many household tasks that needed done. He should have called home and told them to invent a reason for her to go back - though they are probably fine that she's gone. Tell mom they have plans with friends they can't cancel and they will see her again in a week or three. Or just tell her, "My wife wants you to leave" - the coward's way out will still get the job done.
I think you can politely yet firmly inform MIL that tonight husband and wife are going to dinner. Hosting for over a week is generous, especially if the company lives an hour away.
Sounds like MIL doesn't know how to be alone/doesn't like being alone. Understandable but not when executed like this. I might have (if I were in OP's shoes) been OK with MIL staying for a couple of days or the three of them having dinner together to celebrate hubby's return and then going home, but MIL staying at their house for 9 days? No, please!
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