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25 Things That Are Casual And Common For Women In Relationships, But Almost Never For Men
Interview With Expert
Probably it’s no surprise that often men and women are being treated differently in their relationships. Of course, not always it is an issue - it depends on what a person is expecting from their partner, how they want to be treated and what actions or behavior are important to them. However, while we have a few ‘norms’ that are engraved in society and still followed by many, what are the roles of men and women in relationships, I think it’s safe to say that it’s finally changing.
So speaking about that - one Reddit user created a thread online asking netizens to share things that men don’t really get to experience in relationships while women do. Needless to say, folks online shared their personal stories and listed things that they did for their partners that were considered unusual and how they made them feel.
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I sent my husband flowers, at his workplace, on his birthday once. Then I kept thinking,I wonder if I had done the right thing. He was the boss and maybe his staff would rib him about them but he came home absolutely thrilled.
He said the female staff members are always getting flowers but he was the only male who had gotten any.
lenka 1 year ago
I am not a huge flowers kind of person. I don't expect them and it doesn't occur to me to buy them but I was walking past a florist recently and they had a beautiful rose bouquet out the front which I bought for my husband on impulse. He was SO happy to receive them that I wished I had been buying him flowers all the time forever. It will definitely be a more regular thing in the future :-)
Sunny Day 1 year ago
I bought a bouquet of roses at the grocery store a couple weeks ago, when I was there at lunchtime. I planned to set them out to brighten up the office. Then I remembered one coworker had her invalid father-in-law living with her, and when he lived alone, he was big into growing roses. So I sent the flowers home with her to give to FIL. He was delighted.
Kaedyn Walsh 1 year ago (edited)
An ex from like 15 yrs ago in 1997 (don't @ me, the 90s were 15 yrs ago and I'll die on that hill tyVm), while we were in a living together relationship, I bought and sent him flowers to him at work. He came home that evening pissed af and coldly told me to NEVER do that again. So I left him. Life's too short.
Papa 1 year ago
It sounds like you did the right thing. I hope you found someone who treats you better.
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nancy 1 year ago
I'm not a flower person, because I think they're a waste of money... but I LOVE to see those little bonsai plants and topiary plants in the flower shops. And I once received a small potted plant of mini roses! It was so sweet! Definitely consider getting something that won't die after two weeks.
Multa Nocte 1 year ago
I buy my spousal unit flowers and he always is happy to get them. I think everyone should do something like this for their partner regardless of gender.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
I hate getting flowers. They seem so pointless to me and it always makes me feel awkward.
RELATED:
#2
My bf borrowed one of my baggy hoodies last week to take our trash out real quick. When he came in, he said how this must be how girls feel when they steal their bf’s hoodies; he didn’t wanna give it back 😂.
Bored something 1 year ago
My son and his gf almost have an interchangeable hoodie collection. He still lives at home, she with her mum but they sleep over at each other's. They are so cute.
KnightOwl 1 year ago
Me and my bf were the same size, height and even had the same shoe size. It was amazing, we often shared clothes and trainers, we had very similar styles and prefered comfort and practicality over style/fancy labels, our wardrobes were basically unisex and shared. He died last August after 14yrs together, I kept most of his clothes and wear them often, I even spray them with his favourite aftershave so they still smell like him.
SirWriteALot 1 year ago
I once wore a hoodie from my wife and it was "loose" in the boob area :-) Not sure if she stretched it or if it was pre-stretched but I no longer wear womens tops.
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
Hahaha! They often design women's clothing to accommodate boobs, yes :)
Load More Replies... Gg 1 year ago
My husband stole my Victoria's Secret sweatpants. They were on the table and he kept waking by and finally decided he would wear them. I never got to wear them.
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
We're they the "juicy" or "pink" ones?! 😂🤣😂
Load More Replies...“Women have a stronger need for connection. Their brain's connection center is larger and they are more wired for connection and togetherness,” shared Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT, personal development and relationship expert, who is also the founder and director of Metropolitan Marriage and Family Therapy, PLLC, with Bored Panda.
She added that women have a stronger sense of 'We' and operate more to take care of the whole and others. “Where men are more 'Me' focused and are wired more for independence.”
#3
Not a relationship but friendship. My friend brought me salt and chocolate from Europe, and that s**t meant so much to me. I've never received a gift from a friend for no reason before. The fact that she was thinking of me when buying gifts just makes me feel lucky.
I will treasure our friendship till the day I die lol.
nancy 1 year ago
A friend gave me a random gift one day (no occasion) just because she was thinking of me. It meant so much to me that someone would do that... so now, I do it too. I rarely give people (other than family) birthday/christmas gifts, but giving them a random gift on a random day seems to have more impact.
Phil Green 1 year ago
One of my work colleagues, a very lovely younger woman, gave me a small silver "broach/pin" when she left. Her words were along the lines of "I know you're a guy, and you don't have to wear it, but I just wanted to give you this". I was very touched. I wear it on one of my waistcoats.
Sven Horlemann 1 year ago
Yes, just keep doing the small things for people you like. Leading by example is the phrase, I think.
dayngerkat 1 year ago
Where I'm from, it's common practice to buy your friends and coworkers small gifts when you travel
#4
For example the other day I brought a little lunch box and a handwritten card to work for my boyfriend. He texted me right away saying this is first time he got a card, how touched he was, how happy he was. (Mind you, this guy had a certain number of girlfriends.)
Little did I expect it to also be a shared experience - a video call with him next morning with all his friends pushing in the screen telling me how happy he was last night and how they all enjoyed my food.
HTakeover 1 year ago
And has good friends who were both excited for him and appreciated her. Winner right there.
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Heather Atwood 1 year ago
I used to send my college boyfriend huge boxes of home made cookies and his friends loved it too. One said it was kind of a wifey thing to do and then we broke up.
kelsischloe1986 1 year ago
Not one person gave him a birthday card during his younger years? Poor kid.
Emma K. Viglucci explained that women are more sensitive to safety issues and need for security. “They are usually more verbal processors and circular in their thinking—men are more internal and linear—so women need to talk about their concerns to better understand what is happening for them.”
Speaking more about the distinctive experiences that women frequently face in relationships, which men may not typically encounter, the expert noted that their feelings get dismissed more because they are considered emotional and less logical and significant. Because of these stereotypes, they also frequently get mansplained at.
Moreover, women face more expectations and judgment about their weight, fitness, grooming, clothing and appearance. “They are expected to know more about caretaking and nurturing, and maintaining relationships, social calendar, and gifting.”
#5
When i was with my ex, we took a vacation and i LOVED taking pics of him. I remember when he was looking through some of the pics, and he said “ive never had anyone take pictures of me like this” and he just looked so genuinely happy.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago
I'm not very photogenic though...more like a gremlin under a bridge lol
detective miller's hat 1 year ago
Me too, I HATE having my photo taken. If someone insists, I'll usually make a silly face so at least the picture can be funny.
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Sven Horlemann 1 year ago (edited)
Married 33 years. I take the photos. My wife generally does not want that. But once in a while, we shoot a good one, and she is sharing them with friends, ha ha.
#6
Being told I’m attractive. Held. Cuddled. Spooned.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
I’ve realized recently how touch starved some of my guy friends are. My love language is physical touch so I love to hug/lean on/put an arm around my friends (within their boundaries ofc), so I always try to give them a little extra love (again, platonically/within boundaries)
Layla Pollack 1 year ago
me and my husband cuddle and spoon each other every night. but when the other person is upset, crying, or stressed then we normally just hold the other person all night. and don't take turns.
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
I still remember the last time I got an unsolicited compliment on my appearance. She told me she thought I was cute. I was 6 years old. I'm 40 now. Even in a relationship, even one that lasted long enough I was considering proposing, I never got told I was attractive.
Littlemiss 1 year ago
Aww I do this to my husband all the time. I love making sure he has awesome work shirts, so he looks and feels good.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
I don't mind being the little spoon from behind you but fart in your sleep on me? I'm probably going to end up waking you up because I'm giggling too much!!!
However, on a good note, we asked Viglucci if she has observed any shifts or change in these dynamics over recent years due to evolving gender roles and expectations—“Absolutely!”
She noted that men have become more open, expressive, nurturing, more involved in domestic matters and in relationship nurturing, more open about their insecurities, and more receptive and open to women's intelligence and financial contributions, to name a few.
#7
I sent my boyfriend flowers, just because I love him, and miss him, no special occasion.
I wrote a card in his native language (with some help) and he thought at first that it was either the church he affiliated or maybe his parents. When he read the card and realized it was me, he was very happy and said it was the first time he got flowers (ever).
Never seen a brighter smile.
Guys deserve flowers too!
Multa Nocte 1 year ago
I think that writing it in his native language was probably equally or more a show of love. Kudos to this person.
#8
Regular compliments, men dont get them often. In fact I still remember a girl who complimented my eyebrows nearly 10 years ago 😭.
lenka 1 year ago
I am in two minds about this one. I think it's sad that men don't get compliments. I compliment my male friends often. BUT I also think about the VALUE of the compliments most women receive. Our perceived value is often in our looks. We are complimented for being sexy, fit, hot etc. We don't get compliments for being kind, brave, smart. They are superficial and based on whether we are pleasant to look at. I dont care if someone likes my boobs or thinks my a**e is hot and I dont want those compliments.
HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 1 year ago
I was in the Greyhound station in DC, and I had these cards made that said “You are scandalously gorgeous” gave it to this really gorgeous guy (of course) and he had the biggest smile on his face. Nope, I didn’t have a phone number added, I just gave it to him and walked away.
Dirk Daring 1 year ago
A few years ago, I realized I am terrible at receiving compliments. For instance, someone in the office said she thinks I am really smart, and I said something like, "Nah, I just know how to fake it." I stopped in my tracks and said, "Sorry, what I meant to say was thank you." I'm working on that.
ILoveMySon 1 year ago
Likewise. Further, I find receiving gifts difficult .
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Doctor Strange 1 year ago
Men don't get compliments. I still remember the last time I got an unsolicited compliment on my appearance. She told me she thought I was cute. I was 6 years old. I'm 40 now.
Multa Nocte 1 year ago
Tell my spousal unit that. I have told him how cute his butt is and how much I love his sweet face almost every day for 37 years, and I don't plan on stopping.
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Claudio Toshio 1 year ago
I remember a female coworker who said that I have beautiful eyes. That was more than 30 years a go.
Finally, speaking about misconceptions that people might have about these experiences, Viglucci emphasized that in her work, she notices most that partners still may not fully line up in terms of gender role expectations—one might be more old fashioned and the other more progressive.
“They might both have expectations line up more traditionally in some areas, but not others, creating confusion for the couple and potential conflict,” she shared. “This shows up the most in division of labor in the home and shared responsibilities, and finances.”
#9
I drive 2 hours to visit my girl for a few days when I get off work around 10pm and she gives me gas money. I almost started crying the first time lmao.
nancy 1 year ago
If she's the one always making the trip and spending the time and gas to see you, you should be offering... or at least taking her out for meals to compensate.
Load More Replies... #10
I had a gf that would defend me (or rather my oppinions/ decisions) against others at any cost. Even when I knew she'd disagree personally.
When I asked her why, she basically said "You are my man, and I want evrybody to know that you are the best thing that can happen to anybody. So they need to know that I stand 100% behind you." I found that a little odd, but it was a great feeling to have someone that has your back this way. She never spoke bad about me and would always tell anyone how great I was.
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
Just once, I'd like to know what it is like to have someone have my back. Everytime my friends need me, I'm there. I support them. I check in on them when they are having troubles. I stand up with them when they take a stand. But me? When I stand and look around, everyone is ducking their heads and pretending not to notice. Just two days ago, I got some really bad news. It hit me so hard I was literally crying in my office. The week before, my friends all insisted they were there for me and support me. So I told them about the news. I got one person who essentially went 'that's not a big deal, I'd just do (this)'. A solution, by the way, that if they actually listened they'd know doesn't fix anything. But that was it. One person dismissing me and my problems as unimportant, and no one else spoke up. So much for supporting me.
Lyoness 1 year ago
You need new friends - people who use you for support and then disappear when you need them are leeches, not friends.
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Annie Persson 1 year ago
I would consider dating again if I had the hope of them being on my side and support me (even to the point of kindly telling me when I am mistaken)
And what about you guys? What are some things that, in your opinion or experiences, women experience in relationships, but men, less so? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
#11
I always get the better thing. If we're at a show or sporting event, he gives me the better seat. If we split something, he makes sure I get the better half, I get the better plane seat, etc. I try to let/force him to take the better option but he will not under any circumstances accept it. This could be an age thing though. We're 44 and 46.
Edited to add, I do most of the cooking so when I plate our food, I will give him the better looking plate. He doesn't know though so he doesn't know what it's like to experience.
ThisIsMe 1 year ago
My husband doesn't realize this, but when we travel I never take the top drawer of the dresser in the hotel. He is taller, and I just always leave it for him. He's still not caught on.
lenka 1 year ago
Me too :-) I take the lower ones because he has further to bend. I don't think my husband has noticed either. lol. We both do things like this though. He does the laundry and always makes sure I get the best towels.
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Nicky Shrimps 1 year ago
I practice my cleanest, yummiest plating for him then slop my food on.
Giraffy Window 1 year ago (edited)
Sometimes when I have a treat or a snack I'm really enjoying, I like to give him the last bite. I don't think he understands I consider it a special thing, but that's ok.
#12
Getting called "girls" while men get to be called men.
Grey Beard 1 year ago
Yep in my circle of friends all the women are referred to as girls, all the men are boys. We're all late 40s and early 50s so I think we're mostly trying to kid ourselves we're still young
Load More Replies... Szzone 1 year ago (edited)
Been referred to as onenof the "boys," didn't like it. It was ... weird. Patronizing. It was at the office. I raised the issue multiple times. No one cared. Our project team was always just addressed as "the boys", no matter how many times I protested that as a grown man I don't want to be called a boy by my colleague. Everyone just brushed it off saying it was endearing and no big deal.
Ace 1 year ago
They were right, I'm afraid. If you were a woman, as I thought when I started reading your comment, then you'd have had a point.
Load More Replies... ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
THIS! UPVOTE * 1000. It bothers me a lot. When people around me (friends) say girl around me, they usually correct themselves with, I mean woman. I've been on this soap box for a while. (I also personally detest being called cute, but that's just a me thing I think). Let's normalize calling women, "women".
Anna Drever 1 year ago (edited)
Right or wrong (I feel that I’m right but I know opinions vary) I feel that women should be called women unless they themselves have a group and choose to refer to themselves as ‘the girls’. I don’t call grown men boys. I watched a movie last night (it was a stinker) and this woman who was supposedly the saviour of the human race was without fail referred to as a girl. Every. Single. Time. Peed me off no end. 😬
Sven Horlemann 1 year ago
I have a tendency to do that, too, and realize I should not. So I avoid it. The 2 female colleagues I have are dear to my heart, though, and as team lead (and 20 years older), the relationsship is different. In both my teams I really dig all the team members. So 'girls' is like 'guys' to me. But I am German. And the team members are Hungarian, Russian, Ukrainian and Greek (In case you are wondering: Yep. Russians that fled Russia to work in Europe and some also being married to Ukrainian partners).
sturmwesen 1 year ago
As a women I have no issue with "Jungs und Mädels" in general or work setting. That said: I think it might be an issue talking to or about cleaning ladies, secretaries and other stereotypical jobs.
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Bec 1 year ago
Usually 'guys' here, then some women get offended because you said 'guys' and there were women in the group 😲
KillerKiwi 1 year ago
When I say guys, I mean everyone. “Guys” is my all female friend group, or my rabbits, or my parents. Same with bro. I hate it when people point out that it only means men to them.
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TheStormIRide 1 year ago
all right boys, this is a stupid idea, so let's do it! me and my 40ish friends
#13
I am so unused to gifts that I actually don't like receiving them.
Ash 1 year ago
Same, also I can never come up with "what do you want for birthday" and feel somewhat guilty when getting gifts.
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Layla Pollack 1 year ago
wouldn't recommend giving random people your address. just some advice.
Load More Replies... #14
People recognize the effort that moms get, but in 10years of being a dad. Only my own dad has recognized my effort.
Min 1 year ago
That's interesting because I often see the other way around, where a man gets praised for being such a good dad simply for doing things that people completely expect any mother to do.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago (edited)
Yes, but often times that’s condescending, and not actually realizing how dads can be equal parents to moms.
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Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago
Not my experience as a single mother. I dated a single father for a while and everybody went out of their way to praise him for his courage, but this mother who raised a brilliant woman alone working multiple jobs? Not a word.
Andrew Keir 1 year ago
TO be fair, being a mother does start with an effort no man will ever fully understand
Miranda Veracruz de la Joya Cardenal 1 year ago
If men could understand the initial effort, birth control would be given for free at every Starbucks
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Grey Beard 1 year ago
As a loving dad of 2 girls (10 and 7), I do as much as I possibly can for them and with them, but I still get comments like "ah babysitting your kids huh?" when I'm hanging out with them solo. If I do get "credit" it is patronising to the max, because no I am not doing anything special, I'm parenting. You know, because I'm a parent.
Gozer LeGozerian 1 year ago
Well... If it isn't the consequences of a social construction men made....
Layla Pollack 1 year ago
yes, moms do give a lot. but most of the time we don't get compliments because we're expected to do it. so to all the moms out there, I hope you try to take time to take care of yourself, and not just other people.
Load More Replies... ZGutr 1 year ago
I'm a dad too, en when -in my circle- a new baby enters this world I almost neglect the mother that everyone already has in focus and concentrate on the (new) dad ... "how are you doing?" "do you get sleep?" "do you manage feeding/changing etc" or .... just get him a beer and sit with him in silence on the porch. Just the two of us and more often than not with a well meant 'cheers' everything has being said.
#15
I’ve never received a heartfelt, thoughtful gift. I’ve always gotten the stereotypical man gifts (e.g. socks, ties, a shirt).
It’s peculiar to me because I have so many interests. I love watches, hand tools, motorcycles, hiking, reading, computers, etc.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
One year, my mom wanted some Poison perfume for Christmas. She hinted around at Dad and Grandma, but they didn't pick up on it. She was complaining to me, but specifically told me not to buy it for her, because I had a very low-paying job. Well, I saw a small bottle of the cologne at Walmart for about $25, which was what I planned to spend anyway, so I bought it. At Christmas, first I gave her a bottle of D-Con rat poison, because she hadn't said what kind of poison she wanted, then I gave her the cologne. I then gave her my last gift. She opened a bag of mousetraps and burst out laughing. I told her they were in case the poison didn't work.
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
I always put a lot of thought into my gifts, trying to choose something specifically for Them. Yet for my 40th birthday, I got cash or alcohol. And it made me stop and go, "am I an alcoholic? Is this how people think of me?"
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I know how you feel. I'm 42 and it seems like the default no-effort "gift" is alcohol. I had a substance abuse issue a few years ago and I have a low alcohol tolerance in general, so I don't even drink much/very often XD
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Upstaged75 1 year ago
I always go out of my way to make sure gifts are meaningful and thoughtful. I do that for everyone. And they all always talk about the gifts I've given, because they appreciate the thought that went in to it. Even my picky brother is usually pleasantly surprised.
Susie Elle 1 year ago
That very much depends on who is giving me the gift. I have tons of hobbies that utilize stuff that, if you want to get the quality stuff, would cost a lot of money. I don't expect my friends to get me a 500 euro present, even if they all pitch in.
Bruce Mardle 1 year ago
That is the snag with buying presents for someone's hobby: they're probably picky about what they want. One solution is to ask what they want.
Load More Replies... Maggie Fulton 1 year ago
Have you considered creating a gift list on Amazon or somewhere? It might give your friends an idea of moderately priced gifts you might like. Even if they don’t buy from the list, it might inspire them with gift ideas. I have one good friend I have known for decades, and she’s still hard to shop for—seeing what she likes and doesn’t already have is a lifesaver.
HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 1 year ago
I gave my paternal gramps birthday money. When I was younger my mother always had us buy cheap drugstore cologne. When I was older, I didn’t want to do cologne or ties, so yeah money. He was so freaking happy! He was on a fixed income and it was such a boon for him.
#16
Being pursued or complimented. I dated quite a bit when I was younger and have been married 6 years. I have no clue what any of these women liked about me. About 4 years into our marriage I asked my wife (admittedly not a super eloquent person) and she said a few things but they were all things I do and not things about me.
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
Just once, I'd like to be pursued. To feel wanted. To not be made to feel like I'm being settled for, but that I am being chosen.
Paulo Leitao 1 year ago
there is a diference between liking someone for what they do for and to you and liking them for who they are. Often times, the males dont get the recognition about who they are. Most women are only interested in being treated right. They dont care much who it comes from, as long as it makes them happy. And no, that is not really a sweet aspect about women like people think it is.
Nicky Shrimps 1 year ago
I think I understand OP! I'm not great with words or verbal compliments, so I show love with cooking and little gestures and gifts. But I know my partner is craving words of affirmation.
#17
Unprompted affection. Security. The extreme luxury of not having to make the first move and potentially putting your reputation on the line if that move is unwanted, because men won't accuse you of being a creep unless you are literally threatening them with violence, doxxing, or stalking them, they'll be grateful you see them in that way but decline if they're not interested. Women however will accuse you of being a creep for simply being socially awkward but still showing interest.
Lyoness 1 year ago
I think it's the guys who won't take "no" for an answer that have ruined things for other men. When a woman has been pressured or followed or stalked, their instinctive reply to unwanted attention becomes defensive. It's a way to protect themselves if there's a chance things could go sour. It's not the fault of someone who's socially awkward or even of the woman, just a reaction they sometimes learn from bad experiences. And please don't come for me on saying it isn't the woman's fault - if you've had a stalker there's no way in hell you'll risk having one again.
Szzone 1 year ago (edited)
Okay that's true and I agree. But aside from the being defensive reaction, I got my fair share of "disgusted" reaction from women, both in casual flirting, and in more serious advances. So, being defensive due to fear? Understandable. Being grossed out and laughing in my face, or telling me I'm "not even a real man" because I don't fit her height preferences? Not as understandable.
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Andrew Keir 1 year ago
Some women may do this, but it's maybe a sign that they're best avoided anyway. Though, being socially awkward is a major pain, I agree
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago (edited)
Idk why you were downvoted. Women who call someone a creep for being socially awkward or trying to get their number/connect with them, or just because they don’t want to go out with someone, are probably not the best people to seek out for a partner. I’m talking about women that just call men creeps as a way to reject them instead of saying “sorry, not interested,” which is just mean and lowers self-esteem. Not women who have reasonable suspicion to call someone a creep, such as someone who doesn’t take no for an answer or stalks them. (Edited for typo)
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#18
Being picked up and carried.
Karina 1 year ago
I have done this "service" to many men. It always makes them giggle in the best way. I used to be a "horse-girl" so I can tackle some weight 😂
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Yep, those huge bags of oats and tossing hay bales build muscle!
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Ephemera Image 1 year ago (edited)
LOL! I remember when I was thirteen, I broke my ankle and a young soldier picked me up to be carried to the ambulance. He was not a big guy, maybe 5' 7-8"and I am only 5' tall, but he nearly buckled at the knees because, while small, I was all muscle, being a very active kid! I think I weighted around 130 lbs, but looked skinny and underweight. That memory of his face still makes me smile.
Lisia Smith 1 year ago
Like how Danielle carried the Prince away from the Gypsies in the movie, "Ever After?"
#19
Getting fetched from, walked or driven home.
lenka 1 year ago
Do men really want this? Genuine question. I mean women feel that we have to put up with this because its often unsafe. I dont want my husband to come and pick me up because its dark. I want to be safe walking home. It's just that, I'm not.
Andrew Keir 1 year ago
I think I understand your position, but your husband can't make you safe walking home (unless he comes over and walks home with you) so he uses the car to do as nearly the same thing as possible. It keeps the rain off you, too ;-)
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Deborah B 1 year ago
The person who does the fetching, walking, and driving goes one way alone, and even in a car, that can mean walking too/from the vehicle. For women, expecially at night, this can be unsafe. I feel like OP is ignoring all the "pick me up from airport/school/work" etc that women do for men because it's during the day.
#20
Revealing their true, deep down feelings about whats on their mind. thats definitely not to say girls can’t be loving,accepting caring partners. But I would say that most guys I know have only revealed their truest darkest thoughts to another male friend. again, not to say girls dont have difficulties in relationships too.
lenka 1 year ago
This is also sad. And a consequence of toxic masculinity that affects men. We have told our sons for generations that they cannot show emotion or weakness to women. Its time for change. We care... when you are sad, vulnerable, ashamed, lonely, whatever it is. Please share because we do care.
Andrew Keir 1 year ago
Is masculinity always toxic? I seem to see the two words always together, as if conjoined
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Captain Awesome 1 year ago
Nope, not ever told anyone my darkest secrets. Only way to keep them secrets.
#21
Being able to tell your partner that they did something which upset you without having to apologise to them afterwards.
#22
Gonna admit from experience that its probably... Stable affection. Unless the guy is a little unhinged, they'll care even when we physically cannot care about them back (in the middle of a fit).
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
For those confused by the statement, when you’re in a relationship that is at least somewhat committed, there’s this odd emotional phenomenon that happens. You will always have a solid foundation of love for your partner. Always. It’s unshakable. That means that, even though at this very minute you hate their guts (for whatever reason) and can’t stand to be in the same room with them, you STILL love them. Weird, I know, hating someone and loving them at the same time. But you see, that heightened emotion dissipates. You only think you hate them because you’re pissed off at something. It may even be something that has no connection to them, but it still made you irritable enough to lash out, and they just happened to be there at the time. You do calm down and come to your senses, and realize you shouldn’t have been so dramatic. If they actually did do something that made you angry, you still calm down enough to talk about it, to talk it through. That’s love. The willingness to talk about it calmly and rationally, work it out, and come to a mutually satisfactory and equitable agreement for the future. It may entail a new house rule, like if one cooks, the other washes the dishes and wipes the counters. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of perception, if it’s not a glaringly obvious faux pas on their part that anyone should know is wrong (like flirting with other people and leading them on, or worse), and the other person truly doesn’t realize they did anything you wouldn’t like. You know, context is important. Never expect people to “just know” your expectations. They’re not mind readers, ffs, so don’t go nuclear on them for not doing what you never told them you’d like them to do. Open your mouth and, reasonably, rationally, politely, and kindly express what you want or need from them. Most people are happy to do those things for you, as long as they’re reasonable.
Lyoness 1 year ago
Beautifully written. May I also add that you can hate an action or words or even a behaviour and still love the person. And as Tabitha has explained so well above it's communication that's key in love.
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#23
How effortless it is in the beginning.
Men usually have to initiate the first conversation.
Mike D 1 year ago
They are best used as comic relief. If you're being serious with a line, that's the creepy part.
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#24
Just once in my life, I'd love it if a woman I was romantically involved with actually spent money on me. A surprise video game or Lego set, or any pricy non practical thing I wouldn't normally buy for myself.
Don't get me wrong. I fully recognize that plenty of men do, in fact, get spoiled by their S/O's. It just seems like 90% of the time, it's usually the men doing the big gift giving, while women will just throw [intercourse] at you and call it good.
lenka 1 year ago
So... its not about the gift its about the amount of money? You dont want flowers or thoughtful gifts, you want expensive gifts? Imagine the outcry if a woman had made that same comment.... we would immediately be accused of being a golddigger. And I'm a little confused by your statement that the women just 'throw sex at you'? I mean, I throw myself at my husband when I feel valued, loved and appreciated. I'm not just throwing sex at him. I want sex with him because he turns me on. It sounds like you are implying that women generally are exchanging sex for expensive gifts? Because if that's the case you might need lay off the incel websites.
Ken Schroeder 1 year ago
You seem to have a problem with nearly every answer, lenka. Maybe it's you? Yeah. Gotta be you.
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Dainty72 1 year ago
NO NO NO!!! You're look for an expensive present? Gifts NEVER have to be expensive. It's about the sentiment and love that that present brings! Those men that have commented about how happy they were when they received these gifts, not one of them had an expensive gift. Change your thinking, because you'll spend a lot of time on your own or be in a relationship with someone that HAS to buy you an expensive gift to show their love. It's all about the thought not about the expense!
Tabitha 1 year ago
Aside from the trust fund babies, women still usually make a lot less than men. Though we may be able to spring for some of the less expensive stuff once in a while, until women are making the same salary for the same job as men do, a 50-50 split would be a burden on the woman. A proportionate split, OK. But as long as men are paid more for the exact same job, regardless of whether the women applying for or already doing that job are better, more experienced, and have more credentials, 50-50 is unrealistic, unreasonable, and unfair.
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
As long as I'm making a 1/4 of what my SO makes, I will not be giving expensive gifts. Thoughtful gifts, yes, expensive, no.
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alaina66 1 year ago
I'm broke, but I would give you the best that I can. Just appreciate it & the feelings behind it...
Jackie Lambert 1 year ago
Wow, seems like nobody is actually reading this. It does feel wonderful to have someone you care about spend money on you. And it's almost always the woman who gets that kind of attention. So yeah, it's nice to be on the receiving end occasionally, regardless of your gender.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
I'm the one who brings home treats and surprises in my marriage, sometimes my husband will do it but it's usually on a special occasion. Admittedly I go out and run more errands though so I often come across things and think "Oh, he'd like that!"
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#25
Kinda random but men in a relationship are absolutely never allowed to lose their temper. Whereas you have to be respectful if the woman is mentally having a hard time.
lenka 1 year ago
There is a difference between "loosing your temper" and "having a hard time". I appreciate the crux of what you are saying but it fails to consider the very real risk that when men "loose their temper", women die. UN did a very good study on it recently. I am unsure why there would be a problem with being “respectful” towards your partner whether s/he is having a hard time or not. That should be a fundamental starting point? If you cannot respect your partner you should not be in the relationship.
Moomin from Denmark 1 year ago
There is a difference between "lose temper" and "mentally have a hard time". Those are not necesarrily the same. Respect should go both ways - always and men are actually allowed to have a hard time mentally!
Oskar vanZandt 1 year ago (edited)
Losing your temper is one thing, but what you do with your words and actions is what matters. "I'm really p1ssed off at the moment [insert reason] and I need to be left alone/go for a walk/scream into a pillow or whatever.". What you DO NOT DO (or say) is take it it out on a significant other or anyone else who has nothing to do with your p1ssed-offness... Deal with your thoughts and feelings in an adult way, not like a toddler throwing a tantrum (and punches). Edited: my father was a passive aggressive person who would take out his frustrations at work out on my mother and us kids. That's abusive.
Dainty72 1 year ago
I get what you're saying but, I had a bit of a bad temper, but an ex of mine was the nastiest man I'd ever met!!! I never screamed at him or hit out but, he would change very quickly and my guts used to go over, especially when he had a drink. When he went out to the pub, I would make sure I went to bed early because of this. But on a Friday he would have a half day of work and go to the pub all afternoon then come home at a time that we couldn't be in bed. It was awful and he never hit me. I ended that relationship and it was the best thing I've done, but I've been on my own for 22 years! The effect of his behaviour has got me never wanting to be in a relationship ever again and I'm happy with that. HE HAD A TEMPER! Just because you don't scream and shout,doesn't mean he didn't have a temper. This was the second time this happened to me. I have to take responsibility for this! I have three beautiful daughters that I raised mainly alone and they're very successful and are amazing!!!
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago (edited)
I get what the OP is saying, like the double standard that between a man losing his temper and a woman losing her temper, the man is more likely to be found at fault/abusive/violent/etc. But, in an ideal situation, nobody should be “allowed” to lose their temper. You are directly responsible for regulating your emotions and keeping them in check. Both the man and the woman. Now, losing your temper happens sometimes because everyone makes mistakes, and people can empathize with you, but empathizing is different than justifying. Just because you’re having a hard time doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to take it out on other people. Loving partners can stick with you when times are tough, but you should apologize and make up if you ever lose your temper with them. The same goes for them. If someone repeatedly loses their temper and doesn’t change their behavior, maybe it’s time for you to leave or for them to get help, because if they can’t keep their emotions in check for someone they’re supposed to love and respect, thats a problem.
What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
I'm glad these guys are now with good partners/friends. But really, if you aren't getting what you're giving in a relationship, re-evaluate. The above examples are nearly all really basic simple, common stuff. Glad it's appreciated though.
Multa Nocte 1 year ago
BP - I am cutting and pasting the subheading from right over this Comments section: "What is something men don't get to experience in relationship but girls do?" Are you talking about men dating actual girls (vs. women) or are you just doing what your article from the other day referred to regarding how bizarre it is to refer to males as "men" and females as "girls"?
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
This happens all the time. ALL the time. They changed the title though, fortunately.
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Sven Petersson 1 year ago
Lenka seems to have...issues...with men in general. Everything they say is seen from the worst point of view.
Feelings are fake 1 year ago
This is just a test to see if they are liberal or conservative and understand the value of kindness that isn't for the cameras.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
I'm glad these guys are now with good partners/friends. But really, if you aren't getting what you're giving in a relationship, re-evaluate. The above examples are nearly all really basic simple, common stuff. Glad it's appreciated though.
Multa Nocte 1 year ago
BP - I am cutting and pasting the subheading from right over this Comments section: "What is something men don't get to experience in relationship but girls do?" Are you talking about men dating actual girls (vs. women) or are you just doing what your article from the other day referred to regarding how bizarre it is to refer to males as "men" and females as "girls"?
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
This happens all the time. ALL the time. They changed the title though, fortunately.
Load More Replies... Sven Petersson 1 year ago
Lenka seems to have...issues...with men in general. Everything they say is seen from the worst point of view.
Feelings are fake 1 year ago
This is just a test to see if they are liberal or conservative and understand the value of kindness that isn't for the cameras.
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