Whatever your gender is, we all have experienced misogyny in one form or another — either as a helpless victim or an observer. The difference between the two is that the latter has a choice: to look away and stay out of trouble (enabling the injustice); or to try to do the right thing and help the one in trouble.
There are many wrongdoings happening before our eyes on a daily basis — whether we choose to look the problem directly in the eye or not. This goes beyond just men in dark alleys waiting like predators. Or women being catcalled in the most inappropriate ways.
In the continuing spirit of International Women's Day, Bored Panda wants to celebrate men (and women alike) who are brave enough to stand up against the abhorrent, degrading behavior that many women across the world are still forced to endure because of chauvinistic men. All we hope is that this compilation will spark some long-overdue change, to take action when needed, and in the years to come — misogyny will hopefully be a thing of the past.
From catcalling to discrimination at work, many women globally are forced to put up with some form of misogyny on a daily basis
And while not everyone feels brave and strong enough to tackle discrimination, women do remember the times someone stood up for them
When the #MeToo movement emerged in late 2017, there were a lot of things said and done. But one thing that stuck with us the most was said by Swedish pop singer Zara Larsson: "Isn't it strange how every woman knows someone who's been sexually harassed but no man seem to know any harasser?" she blatantly wrote on her Twitter.
Indeed. Misogyny might only be a catch-all phrase to some — something that deals with sexism, discrimination and can be easily meme-ified. A mongoose in Kenya suddenly can be a misogynist ("somehow"). Apparently, it also can make a good T-shirt slogan ("Chill with that misogyny"), depending on whom you ask. But many tend to forget, or simply don't want to look at the numbers: globally 1-in-3 women have had to deal with sexual harassment at least once in their lives. It's not entirely surprising then that the majority of women in the UK still don't feel safe walking by themselves at night.
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I had quite bad cramps one night at work(I work as a night filler for a supermarket) and was taking a moment to breathe through them so I was standing still with my eyes closed. I had one of my co-workers who isn't good at his job come up to me and say 'you know everyone around you is doing their jobs and you are just standing there doing nothing, you should get back to your fking job' and before I could saying or do anything, another of my male co-workers comes up stands in-between me and him and goes 'mate, she fills three times the speed you do, how about you fk off and learn some common decency, you prick.' It actually made my night.
The guy who defended me has 3 sisters and explained that he has seen the face I was making on his sisters when they have cramps. This guy just turned 18 and is better with the menstrual cycle than a good portion of the men I have met.
I am the only female on the team for reference
A male senior lawyer was introducing the female junior I worked for to his client. His client made a comment that she's easier on the eyes than he was and the senior lawyer stopped the meeting and said "you don't make those comments, not here, not out there, not anywhere. If you continue to do so we will terminate our engagement. I will not put this woman in a situation where she will be made to feel uncomfortable. If you disagree with me you can find alternate counsel" and that has always stuck out to me. Not many senior lawyers I know would make a statement like that to long standing clients but he drew a hard line in the sand and held the client to it. Granted this wasn't an extreme situation and everyone was sure the client was just trying to make small talk but that lawyer didn't care how innocent the comment was, it wasn't professional and he knew that he had to step in and set some clear boundaries.
In order to learn more about misogyny and the ways in which people have been helping to fight it, Bored Panda reached out to Hera Hussain, a Forbes 30 Under 30 (Europe) Social Entrepreneur and the founder of Chayn, a non-profit that helps women across the globe to escape or fight gender-based violence and harassment.
"When I started it, people couldn't understand the impact of Chayn because it wasn't something you could touch and feel. There were no pictures, I couldn't show them photos of people smiling or sitting in a room. They just couldn't understand it," Hussain said.
She's happy that there are now more organizations like Chayn, helping those in need and those who are often being silenced by abusers. But when Hera launched the organization when she was only 24 years old and inspired by the experience of trying to help her Pakistani friend find asylum in the UK — things were very different.
"[Back then], you had to go places in person. You had to pick up the phone, wait for a really long time and talk to someone. And my friend, she didn't know the language to express what was happening to her," Hussain explained. "It was just all very diverse in terms of the mediums, but also in terms of the information that they provided."
Being a tech-wiz herself, Hera knew what she had to do. And what started as a Pakistani-only mission soon grew to encompass women from all over the world.
I work in finance. My first day of my first ever internship, we had a product vendor come in for a meeting with my (male) boss, and my boss decided to invite me to see how I handled it. Fortunately, my boss joined us at the conference table at just the moment when the vendor winked at me and said, “sweetheart, can you get me a coffee while I wait for the meeting to start?”
My boss didn’t even sit down, just told him he could leave and that we didn’t need his services after that.
A man at my work started a sentence directed at me by saying "Not to be sexist, but.." and another guy on the team just shut him right down with "then maybe just don't talk, Adam". Felt good.
Having lived most of her adult life in the UK, Hera, like most young women in the country, is no stranger to sexual harassment. "I was once traveling from Glasgow to London and I was harassed by someone who was sitting in the train, drunk and inebriated. It was really scary," Hussain said. She even reported the abuser to the police, but the case was eventually dropped because "the CCTV footage wasn't clear enough" for the prosecutors.
Having said that, based on her own personal experience as a Pakistani woman living in the UK, for all the times she was catcalled or verbally harassed by a complete stranger — no one came to Hera's assistance. "Unfortunately, bystander intervention is uncommon [here]. I think every single time something like this has happened to me, nobody has done anything about it," she said.
Although there is no peer-reviewed research that would explain why so many bystanders choose to ignore the social injustice happening in front of their eyes, Hera thinks it all comes down to fear. "I think it's important to think about what are they afraid of. If someone's afraid for their physical safety, there are safe ways to intervene, like calling the police," Hussain pointed out.
One of my male physics professors reported a male student in my class for taking lab materials out of my hands and saying “relax honey and let us men do it” and told me to do the write up (us men referring to the rest of the lab group). I just brushed it off even though it was immature because you know, but I was called in as a result of his report and I’ve always been shocked by his dedication to make his classroom a welcoming space. i was the only one who passed that lab assignment because it was only my handwriting on the written portion.
He also backed me up when a department head was treating me badly and helped connect me with tutoring and psych resources for issues I was having. He was never inappropriate; he honestly never really spoke directly to me aside from class. never met another man like him, now that I think about it, especially not in stem.
Others, Hera believes, are afraid of the reaction their assistance might cause. "In the case of a domestic dispute, people are afraid that the victim or survivor is going to turn on them and say, 'This is a private matter, please don't interfere.'"
But statistics show that misogyny, at least for the moment, is not going anywhere. That's why it's important to step in and put our apprehensions aside. "Misogyny is endemic within our culture," Hussain said. "So, let us take the brave step and do something about it."
I was out running, and there was some plumbers cleaning up after a mains sewerage leak, busy hosing down the road. Some young guys hanging around watching catcalled me, and when I ignored it he started hurling abuse and threats. One of the plumbers turned the hose on him and absolutely drenched him. I wrote to the city council who the plumber was working for, didn't tell them about the hose off but said he had stepped in when I had been threatened. No idea if he ever got any recognition but it was beautiful.
Yes! I was at a Starbucks and there were three men at a table near me. They were East African Muslims. Apparently on his way to Starbucks, Man 1 saw a young woman from their mosque, but she wasn’t wearing hijab or modest clothing- she was wearing shorts and her hair was uncovered. Man 1 said something dumb about “men are going to treat her poorly if she dresses like that, she’s asking to be attacked, etc”. Man 2 said something along the lines of “if you think that way about her, that’s your problem, not hers. she can do whatever she wants.” Man 1 tried to justify his stance by saying she was straying from Allah. Man 3 then said, “I feel so sorry for you! You’ve been in the US for 20 years and you still think that way. Women can dress however they want, man. She can have faith or not have faith and dress how she wants.”
It was nice to hear. No women around except me and some baristas, and these guys were still defending the women in their faith and community who didn’t look “typical”
If alleged deity doesn't like the way women dress, and he's capable of creating a universe, then let him go "shazam" and magically create some clothes for her. It's not your business as a believer to enforce "god's" will on earth, as an omnipotent being he is quite capable of enforcing it himself, thank you very much.
I dont know if it falls under correcting misogyny, but the whole interaction felt misogynistic (gatekeeping). Early on in the MCU days, I had bought a Captain America shirt with just the shield logo on the front. I wore it to work on a Friday. A guy at work asked me if I like Marvel and I was like "yeah! I really like the new movies coming out!". In response he started quizzing me on the comics. Before I could even get a word out, two other guys heard and shut him down immediately. Telling him gate keeping was lame and to just let women enjoy comics/superhero movies.
It was minor, but this was like 8 years ago and the interaction still sticks with me. Also, the two other guys weren't really my friends or people I had a relationship to. They just heard him being rude to me and jumped in.
I appreciate this so much. No one "owns" fiction or art. 'Not the fans. 'Not the creators. 'Not the critics. If you make art and put it out into the world, everyone is welcome to consume it and interpret it however they want. There is no one "right" way.
Yes, I had a professor (I majored in IT) who said on the first day of class that if anyone said “any BS sexist remarks” about the women in class, they were gone. He then proceeded to talk about how some of the best, most hard working people he knew in the field were women and that he was glad to see the number of girls in class increasing each year. It was amazingly refreshing.
When I was in college I was at a club dancing with friends, and one certain dude (total stranger) would NOT stop grinding all over me. I spent literally 30 minutes moving around the club to new spots, hiding, and straight up telling him to leave me alone. Finally the biggest, bro-iest, douchiest, looking frat dude came over and honestly my first thought was "oh no". But he just calmly took the guy by the arm and said "This is not ok" and led the guy away.
To this day I still feel bad for judging the frat dude based off his appearance because he was an absolute gentleman.
People judge bikers all the time too, tarring the decent ones with the same brush as the sons-of-anarchy-wannabees and the dirt-bike-hooligans, but have you seen how awesome some of the biker gangs are, especially helping out vulnerable women and children?
In high school, some kid in my class said some variation of “women belong in the kitchen” and my male history teacher fake gagged and told him to shut up, and said something like “look at all the girls that will now absolutely never date you” while gesturing to the class.
Other then that I can’t think of any though
*Fixed a very strange and silly typo
A random dude saw me in a booth with my date who kept trying to feel me up even though I was saying no. The guy came right over and said to my date “she said no, get out of the f*cking booth.” My date started saying how it was a joke and we were just playing around, but the guy could tell I wanted out, so he just hauled my date out of the booth and I got out and went to the bar to tell the bartender what was going on. My date was banned from the bar and the guy got free drinks for the night.
I’ve also seen my brothers both tell their friends it’s not cool to creep/say misogynistic sh*t to girls. Both when the guys are directing that at me and to other girls. I was picking my brother up from work one day and walked in to wait in the AC and his coworker was saying to a girl that “females shouldn’t play online games because they’re distracting to the men playing” and the girl looked like she was about to say something, but my brother real quick said “dude, Don’t blame your sh*t skills on the girls. When we play you lose just as hard.” His coworker was red in the face and the girl started laughing And I’ve never been more proud of my brother haha
I saw it once. It had a huge impact on me. I was on a public transportation bus, and a woman was sitting near the window, staring very pointedly out of it. A guy had come and sat next to her in the aisle seat and he was just... taunting her. Saying things like 'Heeyyyyy .... Hiiiiiiii .... are you deaf? Are you deaf, b*tch? You think you're better than me? Don't act all stuck up, b*tch, I just wanna be your friend....' etc. Eventually he escalated to throwing stuff at her, like picking up sunflower seed shells off the floor of the bus and throwing them on her lap and laughing in a really cruel way. She was completely frozen the whole time, just staring out the window.
I should mention here that there was a huge size discrepancy between them, she was very petite, and he had like a linebacker's build.
I was sitting directly behind her and I'd already made up my mind that if he tried to follow her off the bus that I would get up and follow too to make sure she wasn't alone. Before I had to, this man who was standing in the aisle of the bus next to them looked down at that guy and just went 'Hey,' and when the guy looked up at him, he just shook his head. It was so quiet, and so subtle, like a parent correcting a child quietly at a fancy dinner party or something. I wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't been watching the exchange so intently myself.
Very shortly after this man distracted the guy, the woman jumped out of her seat/over his legs and bolted for the exit. The guy got up to follow her and the man just very slightly got in his path and shook his head again.
The scary guy just shook his head and made a hand gesture like 'f*ck it it's not worth it' but it was pretty clear that this guy was absolutely going to follow this woman off the bus if that man hadn't said anything.
After she got off, I made eye contact with the man and mouthed 'thank you' and he looked so taken aback that someone had noticed, he just shook his head at me too and moved away from my eye sight.
I'm definitely projecting here, but I don't think the guy shook his head at you because he was surprised you noticed. I think he was disappointed to find out you noticed, cared, and did nothing. I'm not trying to blame you here. We all make mistakes, and hopefully, you'll speak up sooner next time. I think that head shake was probably disappointment. I was in a similar scenario where I recorded a police brutality incident. Afterwards, bystanders thanked me, but really, I was just disappointed that they didn't also do something.
My husband works for a bank. At the beginning of the #MeToo movement, male colleagues mentioned they were nervous to mentor women now. My husband shot this down and said, 'If there's anything you are doing that can be mistaken for harassment, that's on you, not them
Mistaken for harassment? Nah, if you make someone feel victimised in any way that's not them mistaking your behaviour- it's shitty behaviour
I was the only female interviewer in a group of male colleagues and we were doing a wrap up session at the end of the day. We were discussing a candidate and one of the guys said “maybe the candidate didn’t respond well because HR is a woman.” Cue all eyes on me as the only woman for my response. Bloke to my left went straight in - “what ARE you talking about?! I doubt that’s the case but if it was I certainly wouldn’t want to hire such a misogynist.” I didn’t have to say a word. So refreshing. I thanked him in the lift later. THATS an ally.
I was a first year apprentice, working for a guy who runs his own business. He drives us to work every day, and an all around chill dude. One day, I was walking around site carrying a very big light I was going to install, and the site super saw me and turned to my boss who was working on something in the vicinity and said “you sure hired a pretty strong girl there dave” And without a beat, dave (my boss at the time) said “she’s not just a girl, she’s an electrician”
I was conducting the technical portion of an interview for a software developer position and the interviewee interrupted me to question my credentials. Thankfully, the man from HR picked up on this and gave the candidate a very confident NO THANKS.
When I was around 19 I was taking the bus home late at night, a dude with aa weird vibe was trying to get my attention and this older man on the bus was watching out of the corner of his eye. I dinged to get off at my stop, which was deserted and the creepy guy stood up too.
The older guy, for right in between us and made him sit down, literally wasn't gonna let him off the bus to follow me.
Me and the old guy had never said a word to each other but he was totally looking out for me.
Had a guy at the bus station 'just wanting to be my friend' and would not listen to my soft no's. Luckily my mum was picking me up and i didnt have to walk anywhere or get on a different bus.
I used to work in a machine shop in my college. My desk was right next to the door. One day a kid walks in and I ask him if he needs help. He looks at me and goes "no he can help me" while walking toward my boss. After listening to his question my boss replies "well shes the one you need to ask but I don't think she'll want to help you now"
I've had this before, when I was younger working in a "old man" industry where I would be ignored and walked past to get to the older staff, who would then ask me because I worked there full time and I knew the stock like the back of my hand
My fiancé is a (senior) software engineer and on at least 3 different occasions I have overheard him stop a man who has cut off or started talking over a women, and say something like, “Can you please stop talking, I was trying to listen to what x was saying. X, could you continue or “ummmmm x was talking…….. x, would you mind repeating yourself”. And each time it makes me simultaneously tear up a little with happiness and also get super turned on! I haven’t told him yet that I’ve overheard him
Just saying how great this is, covering up a really tone deaf, insipid, weak post below.
this random creepy guy at night called my legs sexy when I wear wearing heels a and dress that went down to my mid thigh. i called him out for being weird/creepy and he said it was a compliment and i was asking for it by wearing that.
two teenagers or young adults (both young men) were there and one yelled at him saying i could wear whatever i wanted.. i felt so thankful for that, wish i could have thanked him after but we all scattered from the creep.
Okay, guys listen up. Never call a girl sexy if you don't know her. Even if you do, still don't. You can call your significant other sexy, that's fine. You can compliment a girl without telling her she looks sexy. It just makes it awkward and uncomfortable. And yes, I know that not every man is like this and that there are some girls that do this too. But please keep this in mind. Thank you and have a good day!
A few times. Three guys from my local rugby club were drinking in the bar I was working in. I was there, but not on shift, I was waiting for my friend to finish her shift. One of the blokes knew me vaguely via my brother but the other two didn't. A customer kept spouting misogynist stuff to my friend, getting gradually louder, until one of the blokes heard, and shouted "Oi, muppet, keep your village idiot ideas to yourself!" Another one chimed in "That's my sister you knobhead, " All three of them stood up, and turned to face this customer, and he slunk out.
Was lovely to see.
One of my first bosses was ridiculously supportive of women. A lot of us got hired out of high school, so he got to watch us grow up. I can't count the number of times he would step in and stop comments from either customers or other male workers. He supported any interest you had, made sure you got the experience to know if you liked it or not. He was known for expecting strict professionalism, anything off color was dealt with right then. I am still ridiculously fond of him.
That said, my husband is the epitome of a man's man to look at him and has never failed to correct someone when they veer into that territory regardless of how he knows them. Gives me a lot of faith in men tbh.
I had a friend who I wasn't super close with in high school stand up for me when I was being bullied by quite a few other guys who had spread a rumour about me that involved a sexual incident that never happened.
One of them started saying sh*t to me and calling me slurs (sl*t, etc.) and my friend who was also his good friend told him to shut the f*ck up, get his facts straight (he knew the rumour was false) and never talk to women like that again whether or not anything sexual had happened. We're not in contact anymore but I remember that day so vividly and I remember hugging him so tightly and thanking him for being a good person.
It was a random man unrelated to me. Some guy decided to catcall another customer at Starbucks, a college aged woman, and say 2 disgusting sentences to her. I felt terrified and couldn’t muster up the courage to say something and neither could she. A young man who was also at Starbucks, unrelated to the both of us, told him off and said he needed to leave and “we don’t do that here”. Lovely.
I was walking home from work (I live in an American city) and while waiting for the walk sign, a man came up to me asking me if wanted to model. I politely declined but the man wouldn’t leave me alone. Another man just simply stepped in front of me. Said no words but just put himself between me and this other guy that wouldn’t leave me alone. It was a small, but welcome gesture.
I do but I recall one particular time. I was playing video games with my friends like most of the evenings (all boys most of the times and this time I was the only woman). A boy who I didn't knew join the group for this game night and suddently he tell something REALLY sexist at me. I didn't say anything at first because I like the calm before the storm and to prepare a really good answer but most of the boys defend me and lash at him so I didn't have the opportunity to even respond and then, in game they were all bashing him and killing him. I was really surprised in a good way.
Happened one of the first times ever today.
My new boss asked if there was anything others on the team were doing that bothered me or anything I want to make sure to avoid in the future ; it reminded me that while it wasn’t an issue yet, I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be my male coworkers’ “manager”
He said that he noticed my male coworkers trying to give me little tasks that weren’t my responsibility; and specifically said it was perfectly fine to say hell no, he had my back, and I wasn’t their secretary.
Felt amazing after working for 3 years at a company where all the women were expected to do the admin tasks.
Women were constantly expected to do the admin tasks at my job. In meetings, whenever the leader would ask for a notetaker, all the rest of the men would fall silent like they didn't know how pencils work, until some woman would volunteer or just be told to do it. I finally pointed this out to my male boss. I don't think he believed me -- until it happened again the very next meeting. Now, he consciously mixes up gender when choosing notetakers and frequently volunteers to take on the job himself while letting someone else lead the meetings.
A male customer stood up for me and told another male customer who was calling me names and screaming at me inside of a restaurant to f*ck off. He also asked the other guy if this is how he normally treats women or anyone else for that matter. The assh*le never did answer him and he just walked out of the restaurant angry. I thanked the guy who had my back profusely.
There's nothing better if you work in customer service than when the other customer's stand up for you in a way you can't without losing your job. A woman was calling me all kinds of names once and I was about to lose it...I can only take so much, you know? But 2 other customer's actually stepped in and told the lady to leave and they literally walked her out shaming her the whole way. They said everything I wanted to say. It was glorious, lol!
absolutely! a young man stepped up and stopped a guy who was harassing me in a pharmacy, i've watched groups of students shut down sexism in class and walk female students to classes or cars. i spend time with a lot of anarchists and have seen so many guys do the right thing inside that community.
I once walked into work with my hair and makeup done up. A man who worked in the building (who I did not know) said - lookin good today! Who you looking good for?” Etc etc.
I said “myself…” but brushed it off, because women are so used to these things that they forget they’re even annoyed sometimes.
Later that day my boss pulled me aside and said that he overheard the interaction, that he was really sorry and took it seriously. He’d had a conversation with my coworker about why it was inappropriate and to let him know if there were issues in the future.
Reader, this boss was not trying to put moves on me or anything. He just noticed a microaggression and used his power to step in without me having to do anything.
He also made a special trip one time to get me a red bull when we ran out at work. I didn’t ask or anything, he just overheard me saying I was exhausted and wanted one and did it. Weirdly enough, the b12 in Red Bull sometimes wakes me up when nothing else can…anyway, I was blown away by how thoughtful this man was.
I’ll remember him always because it’s certainly not something I’ve experienced since!
Sometimes I think about how much I’d like to be able to leave an impact on employees and coworkers through that level of thoughtfulness, but then I remember that as women, we do this so often that the little things don’t really leave an impact. Oh well.
I had a guy at work report another guy who was sexually harassing the hell out of me. Against my wishes at the time, I didn't want to make waves.
They suspended the guy, and his first day back he cornered and threatened me. Dude was so f*cking nuts that they fired him on the spot, had security walk me to my car, and allowed me to take a week off.
I was seriously in fear of my life for a bit there, but I'm glad dude reported and made a deal out of it. The guy wouldn't take no for an answer, and was sure creepy/stalky.
I had a roommate who would do this. He'd always help out girls being harassed on the metro and stuff like that.
Also I had a few random guys help me out one night when some dude was trying to grab at me in the street once.
Leaving the club, a group of guys were catcalling me/calling me a racial slur/barking at me . A complete random man walked in and said “HEY YOU DONT TALK TO HER LIKE THAT” and then asked if I was okay. Unbelievable men can do that but I’m so grateful other men can step in
I was on the bus and there was a drunk guy sitting next to a woman (who ultimately turned out to be his girlfriend/wife). He was being really loud and volatile, talking to other passengers (myself included), and he kept pestering the woman sitting besides him.
At one point he leaned in really close to her and demanded she kiss him; she turned away and told him no, but he kept pestering her and attempting to kiss her.
Another passenger, a twenty something year old man, then approached them and asked the woman whether this guy was bothering her and if she wanted to get off on the next stop with him.
She laughed and told him "no it's fine I know him" and the drunk guy got really upset at the other guy for assuming he was a creep. He yelled at him, claiming he was just having fun, etc, and I felt terrible that the man got berated for offering help. The woman genuinely seemed uncomfortable with the kissing, and though this situation turned out fine, it could have been very different.
To the man who offered help - thank you. I really appreciated that you stood up for her.
This frustrates me for several reasons - the biggest reason being this scenario could potentially cause the young man not to standup for a woman next time he encounters this behavior. It also irritates me that a woman seems to believe that it is ok for this behavior to take place because she knows him. It further irks me that she didn't standup for the young man when the douche started berating him... so frustrating the whole scenario.
I got catcalled/harassed while walking to work and a man who I didn't know intervened and told the harasser off. Wish I could've thanked that guy.
Yeah, the software manager at my last job was always very quick to call out sexist comments. I think he liked picking fights generally, haha, but he was always picking the good fight.
Coworker told a customer I’m a minor when they said I needed a d*ck in me. My manager found out and he was pissed and said if I see the guy again he’d call the cops.
Btw I needed the d because I couldn’t legally sell the customer alchohol. Customers are asses, coworkers are great.
I was on a public transportation tram with my sleeping newborn in a pram. Some middle aged dude approached me and started criticizing my parenting, saying things like "you should not bring a newborn to public transportation", "you should not be out with the baby this late" (it was like 7 pm), etc. He kept insisting I have to let him peek in the pram (it was covered to not disturb the sleeping baby) to make sure the baby was OK since I was apparently very incapable parent.
Normally, I would just tell him to f off, but I was worried would he would do to the pram and baby if I anger him, so I just tried my best to stay between him and the pram. It went on for about 10 minutes (we were in the back of the tram and it wasn't very full) before a group of teenage boys noticed. They stood between us and told the man to let me alone. He would still try to get to the pram (to "check on the baby") couple times, but the boys stopped him.
I asked them where they were getting off so I could get off with them and just wait for another tram. They said: "Well, apparently we are going wherever you are going." They helped me to get off on my stop and when the dude tried to get off too claiming it was his stop too, they blocked the door so he could not get out.
I started to to read these but then skipped straight here. I don't feel like being pissed this morning.
Couple of times. I had a guy friend who had a mentor-like relationship with a younger coworker, and he'd lecture him about how his internet-based beliefs about women were wrong. Another male friend corrected a female friend when she suggested he make out with a drunk girl, stating "drunk flirting is not consent".
Yes. I have a group of friends, we all meet regularly to play video games. For a long time I was the only woman in the group, and only one of the men treated me differently than he treated everyone else. Eventually they started noticing and would gently call him out with questions like, “Do you really feel that’s appropriate?” When he wouldn’t stop, eventually he must have grown to resent me and he started harassing me by text, they told him he has to try to learn or he can’t come back.
Never.
There was this one time years ago when I was working as a fast food worker, though. I was mopping or sweeping the lobby, and a regular customer (maybe 60M?) came up to me and said "You'll make a good wife one day." And I was a little confused, shocked, and embarrassed that someone would say something like that to me. I didn't want to react angrily because he probably meant well, so I just said back "Well, I'd make HIM do the mopping." And he kinda laughed or maybe realized his mistake and then said, "Then you'll make a good boss one day." And then he walked away.
I work in an industry that’s predominantly male. I often have male customers joke that I don’t know what I’m doing or tell me they’ll wait for a man to help them. My colleagues always correct the person treating me like that and inform them that even though I’m female, I am in fact the most experienced.
God I've been trying so hard to think of an example. I have a couple of male friends (a trans man and gay man) that I think would stand up and correct misogyny but haven't seen it because we don't hang out in any situation that would have someone misogynistic around. My gay latin teacher has stopped many misogynistic things from happening, including chasing away men that harassed me on our school trip. I can't think of a single cis straight man that's stepped in.
I remember once on that same school trip, I was buried in sand on a beach and my female friends were getting water and a male friend of mine just stood by and watched as another guy felt me up (I couldn't move bc of the weight of the sand, only my chest and face were still unexposed). I remember I cried for my male friend to make the other guy stop and he just was like "bro stop it" and then the other guy stopped for a second and then got back to it, male friend didn't make any other effort, just shrugged.
My female friends came back and pulled me out of the sand and dragged the other guy away and helped me approach him later to tell him that if he ever tried to touch me, even just my shoulder, that I would break his nose. Later the girls and I ignored him the rest of the trip, the boys knew what happened and were still friendly with him despite claiming to be my friends. My friends mom was a parent chaperone and told us we were being cruel and to stop excluding him. The teacher chaperone had seen the original situation happened and didn't step in. (These chaperones were not from my school, but from a different school also on the trip). I regret not telling my teacher that I mentioned before. But I was 16 and embarrassed.
The teacher who watched and didn't stop or report the sexual assault needs to be reported and fired. Period.
We were at subway and the worker was snickering at me because I couldn’t hear him because I’m deaf. I’m also small so I couldn’t read his lips easily. This was apparently funny to him. My buddy sonned him out.
Literally never. It's so ingrained in society that you're the weird one for not letting it get brushed under the rug. Most, if not all men I know would rather fit in and laugh at all of the misogynistic comments than to challenge and correct it
Yeah, after reading the question my initial answer was just a simple "no".
My friends and I were walking in a downtown city and some guys were cat calling (like the VERY inappropriate stuff) at a friend and one of the dudes in my group stepped in and told them off.
So glad he was there because I'm really tiny and I was ready to go off at the person, but it would not have been a good ending without the guys in that group.
Yes. I've worked with some great colleagues who were having none of that, and shut it down.
They were the people I learned from that many men feel uncomfortable with sexism in the workplace-- in the same way that someone might be uncomfortable with racism in the workplace, even if it's not directly affecting them. (If only I could set up a filter to always work with guys like this!)
I'd also like to give a shout out to the men who aren't comfortable with confrontation, but will email about it after the fact, and the ones who didn't do the shutting down but approach the person who did later to thank them.
Great shout out! All of these actions help to reinforce the message that this is not okay.
My mother's colleague once interrupted two guys that were harassing a girl on the street. He got beaten up for it and needed to be stitched together afterwards, but the girl got away (and he is fine now).
I don't remember other occasions. My ex always stressed how important it is to support women, but after a couple that he was friends with broke up because the guy turned out to be a sexist assh*le (the "women belong into the kitchen"-kind) he completely ignored it and even tried to defend him
During the Pokémon Go Summer of 2016, I was out in the park with my brother and there was a lot of people with their phones out because a Vaporeon had shown up in the park and everyone wanted to catch it.
I joined this random group of people who were also looking for Vaporeon and I started talking to my brother about how excited I am to catch it because I've been trying to evolve my Eevee into Vaporeon for ages.
One guy in the group started getting all uppity and accused me of only being interested in Pokémon because it was a "fad" and he bet I wouldn't be able to name any Pokémon outside of the original 151. I started listing some of my favourite Pokémon (Snivy, Piplup, Emolga, Sylveon, Latias, Espurr etc) all of which weren't in Pokémon Go at the time. I then said I've played pretty much every game from Gen 1-6 and I was looking forward to playing Pokémon Moon when it comes out later that year. He got strangely quiet after that.
Yes, I work in an industry that’s predominantly men. I often have male customers joke (or not) that I don’t know what I’m doing, tell me they’ll wait for a man to help them, or will completely ignore me and go directly to one of my male coworkers. My colleagues always correct the person treating me like that and inform them that even though I’m female, I am in fact the most experienced and actually know more than they do so they should treat me with more respect.
I often wonder if, aside from the guys who get aggressive/potentially dangerous, guys don't always speak up right away because it's also misogynistic to assume we women can't defend ourselves. Many of us can defend ourselves, it's true, but misogynists generally need to be shamed by another man in order to see that their behaviour is dead wrong. My point, please do speak up.
it's definitely a concern. the times that i have called people out for assholery, i definitely wondered if i was crossing a line myself by being patronizing. I've been yelled at for holding a door open and it stuck with me. like i know that woman was overreacting, but the idea never left my head.
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I had a mechanic try to tell me that the reason my Carburetor was flooding on my Honda was because I had bent metal in it. I grew up with a Diesel Mechanic for a Dad, so I knew he was giving me a load of BS. I took it to another mechanic and he looked at me strange when I told him what the other mechanic said. Turned out they were friends and he called him on the spot in front of me and chewed him out for trying to pull a crappy thing on me just because I'm a woman. When he told him I was a mechanics daughter, the other guy was shocked. I ran into him later and he apologized. Guess the honest mechanic told his buddies what he tried to do and he was chastised for weeks after. It was a small town too, so word got around and women stopped taking their cars to him.
Makes me grind my teeth when I walk into a auto parts store knowing exactly what I need and i get ignored or told are you sure.... yeah I'm fking sure. My Hobbie is my cars, my husband helps with the wrenching cause I got carpletunnel in my wrists and hands. Grrrrr....
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I was watching Shang-Chi in the theater, I am Northeast Asian and actually into drifting and auto-racing. In the part where Awkwafina tries to save the bus with no brakes, a Caucasian male teen said that female Asian drivers are terrible drivers. The Caucasian male teen sitting next to him told him his remark was racist then apologized to me on the behalf of his friend.
So the guy was apologizing for the asian part in his friends remark?
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These were good to read! Personally I think that men don't get to be all #NOTALLMEN if they've never stepped in to prove that, indeed, some men care about women they're not related or don't want to f**k. Otherwise it just seems like they're silently supporting and encouraging the douchebags.
What about men that respect women though their own words and actions, but are too shy, insecure, socially awkward, depressed or whatever to actively step in and stop bullies? You are perpetuating a stereotype of a man as a heroic being required to actively protect others.
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YAY!!! I LOVE when we pay men on the backs n throw them parties for doing the BARE FUCKEN MINIMUM!!! It's so much fun!! Like... yeah, it's dope that there's some dudes who stand up the assholes... but like... that should just be the norm. We shouldn't have to celebrate men to get them to do the right thing. They should just be decent fucken ppl n stick up for fellow human beings. Regardless of their gender. N Vice versa. I understand we have to highlight these instances in order to show ppl how they should behave in these situations... but like.. it's wild how we literally write whole ass articles about this s**t n ppl act like this is incredible... but it's like... the bars really that low for men huh?
Also, I completely agree with this post! The bar for men IS disappointingly low :/
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My brother and his wife are both doctors. He is a doctor of physics, his wife a doctor doctor. They were on a cruise and a doctor doctor was needed in the middle of the night. A crew member knocked on their cabin door, she answered the door - they say "we need doctor *****" - she says "that's me" - crew member checks his notepad, and says no, a male doctor...
Maybe there was an issue with their improbability drive and not a medical emergency...
Load More Replies... A friend of mine was once complaining about how a woman he'd offered a drink to in a bar would just take the drink and after chatting would then leave (instead of it becoming an opening for him to flirt with them and possibly more) and another friend of mine asked him what his problem was, as he offered her a drink and she accepted, which is the end of the transaction and she owed him nothing more just because friend #1 decided to offer her a drink.
These examples are wonderful and heartening. Times are a'changing. My answer is, No, I don't have a single example of a time a man stepped up for me when I was getting harassed. I'm 52, have worked primarily with men my whole career, and I've never had anyone step in, either at work, on the street, on the subway/bus, at home or anywhere.
Not changing, just being shared/recorded. Women are showing up more in “male” spaces and men don’t know what to do????? .....but they are making porn more violent to deal with it.
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Three of my friends and I (all female) were in Vegas, and we went out to a club. Gross guys kept trying to grind up on us. Another guy, about our age, by himself, just started dancing closer to us. He didn't touch us, he just joined our group. If gross guys came over, our new friend would dance closer. For like an hour, he just danced with us. He was there to dance (he may have even been gay, not sure) and we were fun, and he wound up being our unintentional bouncer. We gave him hugs and thanked him when we left. 1) What he did was kind and helpful. 2) The fact that it took another man to keep gross guys off us is really sad, why did the gross guys think it was okay to begin with? We weren't making eyes or signaling them closer.
A couple of years ago, I was at a Wal-Mart and heading for the checkout. I got behind a man who looked to be in his 80’s and he was leaning heavily on his shopping cart and moving very slow. I wanted to change lanes and go around him but I had to wait for a young Latina and a girl that looked to be in her early teens to go by. As they passed the old man, he looked over and said something to them that I couldn’t hear. They moved on without paying much attention to him. When we were passing him, he looked over at me and said, “if they can’t speak English, they should go back where they came from.” It shocked me for a second and then I stopped and told him he should stop being an a*****e. Then I repeated it louder to make it sink in. By that time the ladies were gone so I checked out and left. I can’t say that I’ve been perfect all my life but some of us eventually grow up and some never do.
These are all fantastic stories, and these men are truly kind. But what bothers me, as a woman, is that we need to have a man step in to defend us. I understand that this is the climate we live in, and perhaps these kind souls stepping up will smack the misogynists down. But it's almost humiliating having be taken care of as if we're children.
That's always the case. The "oppressed" can never stop the "oppressors" -- only others from the same "class" as the "oppressors" can stop the bad behavior.
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There's this guy I sort of knew from high school and he said in front of my friend and I that he wanted to go into music education. I leaned over and whispered to my friend that it's truly scary that he'll go anywhere near kids. She agreed and said that he gave her crackhead vibes, but I said he gave me creeper vibes. I never really interacted with him, but he's always struck me as thinking he's better than everyone else, and I heard he made a rape joke before. I don't have proof for any of it, but I hope he never goes into education because I'd rather trust my gut without proof than wait for proof.
I think we often forget how much we are still primates. When I’m working with demented patients, often the men don’t respond well to a woman telling them to stop a behavior. I’ll often assign a big man to their care and there are rarely problems. Often men like the ones in this list will not respond to women telling them to stop, only to another man. Preferably one that looks like he can beat the s**t out of him.
I was a broadcaster in the US military and loved my job so much that once I got out, I stayed working in television. I'd just started at my second tv station, and our department was going over an upcoming shoot that was big and important. The boss was going over who would be on what camera, potential camera movements etc etc etc....when one of my new coworkers interrupted him to let him know that he wasn't comfortable with me being on my own camera and didn't think I could cope with the stress of a live shoot so soon into the job. My boss interrupted him right back and said, "if she can handle filming out a helicopter in a war zone, I'm pretty damn sure she can handle zooming in and out on command." Then he calmly continued going over the shoot. I've now been here for almost four years, and he's still easily the best goddamn boss I've ever had.
The misoginy in any jobs technical is mindboggeling. At the same time, at leas tin my country, everybody is moaning about how there aren't enough young people in technical jobs bohoohoo. Well, doh, you systematically chased off half the population. What did you expect would happen??
I dont know if I just dont spend time in places where bunch of this happens, or if I just dont notice it.. only times I recall stepping in is in bars, one time resulting me being swung at and throwing the guy to the floor in the middle of the dance floor, resulting both of us thrown out of the bar.
Most men don't notice it. I guarantee you it was going on around you though.
Load More Replies... Women need to be in environments where they feel comfortable defending themselves. I’m not saying that men intervening on a woman’s behalf is a bad thing though.
I often wonder if, aside from the guys who get aggressive/potentially dangerous, guys don't always speak up right away because it's also misogynistic to assume we women can't defend ourselves. Many of us can defend ourselves, it's true, but misogynists generally need to be shamed by another man in order to see that their behaviour is dead wrong. My point, please do speak up.
it's definitely a concern. the times that i have called people out for assholery, i definitely wondered if i was crossing a line myself by being patronizing. I've been yelled at for holding a door open and it stuck with me. like i know that woman was overreacting, but the idea never left my head.
Load More Replies... I had a mechanic try to tell me that the reason my Carburetor was flooding on my Honda was because I had bent metal in it. I grew up with a Diesel Mechanic for a Dad, so I knew he was giving me a load of BS. I took it to another mechanic and he looked at me strange when I told him what the other mechanic said. Turned out they were friends and he called him on the spot in front of me and chewed him out for trying to pull a crappy thing on me just because I'm a woman. When he told him I was a mechanics daughter, the other guy was shocked. I ran into him later and he apologized. Guess the honest mechanic told his buddies what he tried to do and he was chastised for weeks after. It was a small town too, so word got around and women stopped taking their cars to him.
Makes me grind my teeth when I walk into a auto parts store knowing exactly what I need and i get ignored or told are you sure.... yeah I'm fking sure. My Hobbie is my cars, my husband helps with the wrenching cause I got carpletunnel in my wrists and hands. Grrrrr....
Load More Replies... I was watching Shang-Chi in the theater, I am Northeast Asian and actually into drifting and auto-racing. In the part where Awkwafina tries to save the bus with no brakes, a Caucasian male teen said that female Asian drivers are terrible drivers. The Caucasian male teen sitting next to him told him his remark was racist then apologized to me on the behalf of his friend.
So the guy was apologizing for the asian part in his friends remark?
Load More Replies... These were good to read! Personally I think that men don't get to be all #NOTALLMEN if they've never stepped in to prove that, indeed, some men care about women they're not related or don't want to f**k. Otherwise it just seems like they're silently supporting and encouraging the douchebags.
What about men that respect women though their own words and actions, but are too shy, insecure, socially awkward, depressed or whatever to actively step in and stop bullies? You are perpetuating a stereotype of a man as a heroic being required to actively protect others.
Load More Replies... YAY!!! I LOVE when we pay men on the backs n throw them parties for doing the BARE FUCKEN MINIMUM!!! It's so much fun!! Like... yeah, it's dope that there's some dudes who stand up the assholes... but like... that should just be the norm. We shouldn't have to celebrate men to get them to do the right thing. They should just be decent fucken ppl n stick up for fellow human beings. Regardless of their gender. N Vice versa. I understand we have to highlight these instances in order to show ppl how they should behave in these situations... but like.. it's wild how we literally write whole ass articles about this s**t n ppl act like this is incredible... but it's like... the bars really that low for men huh?
Also, I completely agree with this post! The bar for men IS disappointingly low :/
Load More Replies... My brother and his wife are both doctors. He is a doctor of physics, his wife a doctor doctor. They were on a cruise and a doctor doctor was needed in the middle of the night. A crew member knocked on their cabin door, she answered the door - they say "we need doctor *****" - she says "that's me" - crew member checks his notepad, and says no, a male doctor...
Maybe there was an issue with their improbability drive and not a medical emergency...
Load More Replies... A friend of mine was once complaining about how a woman he'd offered a drink to in a bar would just take the drink and after chatting would then leave (instead of it becoming an opening for him to flirt with them and possibly more) and another friend of mine asked him what his problem was, as he offered her a drink and she accepted, which is the end of the transaction and she owed him nothing more just because friend #1 decided to offer her a drink.
These examples are wonderful and heartening. Times are a'changing. My answer is, No, I don't have a single example of a time a man stepped up for me when I was getting harassed. I'm 52, have worked primarily with men my whole career, and I've never had anyone step in, either at work, on the street, on the subway/bus, at home or anywhere.
Not changing, just being shared/recorded. Women are showing up more in “male” spaces and men don’t know what to do????? .....but they are making porn more violent to deal with it.
Load More Replies... Three of my friends and I (all female) were in Vegas, and we went out to a club. Gross guys kept trying to grind up on us. Another guy, about our age, by himself, just started dancing closer to us. He didn't touch us, he just joined our group. If gross guys came over, our new friend would dance closer. For like an hour, he just danced with us. He was there to dance (he may have even been gay, not sure) and we were fun, and he wound up being our unintentional bouncer. We gave him hugs and thanked him when we left. 1) What he did was kind and helpful. 2) The fact that it took another man to keep gross guys off us is really sad, why did the gross guys think it was okay to begin with? We weren't making eyes or signaling them closer.
A couple of years ago, I was at a Wal-Mart and heading for the checkout. I got behind a man who looked to be in his 80’s and he was leaning heavily on his shopping cart and moving very slow. I wanted to change lanes and go around him but I had to wait for a young Latina and a girl that looked to be in her early teens to go by. As they passed the old man, he looked over and said something to them that I couldn’t hear. They moved on without paying much attention to him. When we were passing him, he looked over at me and said, “if they can’t speak English, they should go back where they came from.” It shocked me for a second and then I stopped and told him he should stop being an a*****e. Then I repeated it louder to make it sink in. By that time the ladies were gone so I checked out and left. I can’t say that I’ve been perfect all my life but some of us eventually grow up and some never do.
These are all fantastic stories, and these men are truly kind. But what bothers me, as a woman, is that we need to have a man step in to defend us. I understand that this is the climate we live in, and perhaps these kind souls stepping up will smack the misogynists down. But it's almost humiliating having be taken care of as if we're children.
That's always the case. The "oppressed" can never stop the "oppressors" -- only others from the same "class" as the "oppressors" can stop the bad behavior.
Load More Replies... There's this guy I sort of knew from high school and he said in front of my friend and I that he wanted to go into music education. I leaned over and whispered to my friend that it's truly scary that he'll go anywhere near kids. She agreed and said that he gave her crackhead vibes, but I said he gave me creeper vibes. I never really interacted with him, but he's always struck me as thinking he's better than everyone else, and I heard he made a rape joke before. I don't have proof for any of it, but I hope he never goes into education because I'd rather trust my gut without proof than wait for proof.
I think we often forget how much we are still primates. When I’m working with demented patients, often the men don’t respond well to a woman telling them to stop a behavior. I’ll often assign a big man to their care and there are rarely problems. Often men like the ones in this list will not respond to women telling them to stop, only to another man. Preferably one that looks like he can beat the s**t out of him.
I was a broadcaster in the US military and loved my job so much that once I got out, I stayed working in television. I'd just started at my second tv station, and our department was going over an upcoming shoot that was big and important. The boss was going over who would be on what camera, potential camera movements etc etc etc....when one of my new coworkers interrupted him to let him know that he wasn't comfortable with me being on my own camera and didn't think I could cope with the stress of a live shoot so soon into the job. My boss interrupted him right back and said, "if she can handle filming out a helicopter in a war zone, I'm pretty damn sure she can handle zooming in and out on command." Then he calmly continued going over the shoot. I've now been here for almost four years, and he's still easily the best goddamn boss I've ever had.
The misoginy in any jobs technical is mindboggeling. At the same time, at leas tin my country, everybody is moaning about how there aren't enough young people in technical jobs bohoohoo. Well, doh, you systematically chased off half the population. What did you expect would happen??
I dont know if I just dont spend time in places where bunch of this happens, or if I just dont notice it.. only times I recall stepping in is in bars, one time resulting me being swung at and throwing the guy to the floor in the middle of the dance floor, resulting both of us thrown out of the bar.
Most men don't notice it. I guarantee you it was going on around you though.
Load More Replies... Women need to be in environments where they feel comfortable defending themselves. I’m not saying that men intervening on a woman’s behalf is a bad thing though.
