You can choose where you work, but not who you work with. So when Reddit user 0587throwaway started having troubles with one of his colleagues, there was only so much that he could do about it.
In a post on the popular subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘, the man said he had grown so sick of her trying to feed him that he tried approaching her personally and talking to their boss about it, but neither of these options did much.
So he was considering stepping it up a notch and reporting her to the HR, but was having doubts about whether that would be an unnecessary escalation of an already tense situation.
The way we eat is our personal choice; however, this man’s colleague had a problem with his diet
Image credits: dekddui1405 (not the actual image)
So she went out of her way to change it
Image credits: Daria Daria (not the actual image)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
Image credits: 0587throwaway
According to experts, the man could’ve expanded his notes in order to craft a more comprehensive plan for moving forward
Amy Gallo, cohost of the Women at Work podcast, and the author of the book Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People), believes that being methodical really helps in such predicaments.
“To avoid drama and stay focused on the work, you need to be clear about your goals,” she wrote in Harvard Business Review. “Do you want to get a project over the finish line? Build a healthy working relationship that will last into the future? Feel less angry or frustrated after your interactions?”
“Make a list of your goals (big and small) and then circle the most important ones. Your intentions will determine—consciously and subconsciously—how you act. For instance, if your goal is to avoid getting stuck in long discussions with a pessimistic colleague, you’ll need to take actions different from those you’d take if your goal was to keep the person’s nay-saying from bringing down the team.”
Once you’ve decided what you want to accomplish, write it down on a piece of paper,” Gallo added. Research has shown that people who vividly describe or picture their goals are 1.2 to 1.4 times as likely to achieve them, and that objectives recorded by hand are more likely to be realized. Refer to your goals before interacting with your colleague to keep your eyes on the prize.”
However, in this particular example, it seems that Peg was determined to carry out her “mission.” What’s also disappointing is that the team leader appeared to be indifferent about the conflict.
Globally, the average time employees spend weekly on resolving disagreements in the workplace is 2.1 hours. In the US, the figure is even higher at 2.8 hours per week. This amounts to around $359 billion paid for infighting rather than productive work.
Not to mention that over half of employees (51%) wanted to quit their job due to workplace conflict at some point in their career, while 41% have followed through with it.
Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual image)
Most people thought the man has every right to take the issue to the HR
After his story went viral, its author addressed some of the comments
Ultimately, he did the report his colleague
A year later, his husband shared the last update on the situation
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This is so horrible to read, I cannot decide which emoji to use (🤯🤬😢)
That final ending just outed the onion ninajs. OP was NTA from the beginning. No is a complete sentence. I was skinny shamed for years until I got really rude back to people asking me if I want some of their fat, or is everything ok at home. All the feels for the husband - thank you for the update and I hope you get peace.
I was really thin for years, 6' 125-130 lbs. (sorry metric folks I'm using freedom units lol) and it was common place for people to point it out. My Italian American friends and their mothers would constantly try to feed me because I was "too skinny" and it was hell trying to force myself to eat. You're right, eventually you have to get kinda rude so people step off. Thankfully I filled out and with some help from the gym I'm ~185 lb. now but god damn was it frustrating being force fed and reminded that you're boarder line emaciated. Some people eat to live, others live to eat.
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This is one of the saddest things I have ever read here. I hope his husband is doing well. I can't believe the manager didn't see that what was going on was serious harassment, not someone "being nice".
NTA for OP & husband, that lady was a psycho & don't know the meaning to mind your own business. To make matters worse someone had a kid with her. Unbelievable!! 🤭
And Peg and the other a******s won't learn from this at all. Despite all of the s****y things they did during and afterwards (stalking; throwing his lunch away; actively sabotaging is work; etc) they'll keeping thinking they were the actual victims at the time and after getting rightfully fired.
Oh so Peg was HOMOPHOBIC and a total ahole, bullying someone with cancer, and works in a hospital? This lady should never be allowed to work in health care ever again!
I agree Peg is a horrible person but I didn't see anything in her actions that was targeting him for his sexuality. Most homophobes don't go out of their way to cook for people they hate, otherwise MAGA Nazi rallies would be catered.
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I did not see the ending coming. I am sorry to hear he passed but happy the company did not find him to blame. this is an excellent case study for management on how to handle complaints. whenever one of my employees had a complaint, I just sent to hr, let them decide.
Why did I have an image in my mind of the Coworker literally feeding the OP like a child? (Here cooomes the plane...~)
Sometimes you have to yell. After the first few days, I'd dump each meal in the trash right in front of her.
S**t. I was Not expecting that to explode the way it did. And then I got to the update. Absolutely bloody heartbreaking 💔
This is so sad. I assume they are in the US (medical bills) so I wonder if it was wise to get married... I understand the emotional reason to marry... but doesn't that mean she has to take on his medical debt once he has passed? Is that true in every state, or just in some places?
How did you miss that his partner was his bf and then husband?
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This is one of the stories where I hope it’s fake but feel is real. I want it to be fake because it’s heartbreaking, but I feel it’s real because it has been over a year.
What's really twisting my tits is that if this was a male coworker trying to feed a female OP he'd have been yeeted from the building like his a**e was on fire in three seconds flat
He was ill & being harassed. The boss treated him as the aggressor. No wonder the company had to compensate...... then I read the update. So so sad for your loss. I'm glad you married. All the best for your healing. You both should not have had to deal with that.
We have computer ELMs for this c**p, and it is harassment for this woman to continually bring food when she was asked politely not to, and the comments made subsequently are even worse.
My mind goes immediately to Peg's child (children) and imagining the sort of parent she no doubt is. No two ways about it. Very troubling.
The first time he said no thanks should have been the end of it. I am on the other end of the size chart. bring me a salad because it's healthier, I will eat it as soon as I finish eating MY OWN snacks.
OPS Boyfriend is lucky, I feel for OP (If OP reads this: if your bf doesn’t want the food… *Wink wink* lol )
I understand that he shouldn't have needed to explain but I also think he could have done so without needed to divulge his specifics of his medical condition, he could have just said " It's nice that you're concerned but I've had a lot of illnesses and allergies in my life and I'm working on it with my doctor to get better and it's not anybodies business but ours." I don't understand why people are so secretive about medical condintions, they aren't anybodies fault, nobody chooses to have them, so why feel the need to hide them like your ashamed? I understand not wanting to discuss every detale with every person you meet, but there's nothing wrong with saying I've had some health issues, I don't want to discuss details, but this is what my doctor and I feel is the best corse of action.
Wow, co worker does not get to insist on a damn thing! Let HR know, and the next time, tell her you are adding it to the harassment log for HR..
This is so horrible to read, I cannot decide which emoji to use (🤯🤬😢)
That final ending just outed the onion ninajs. OP was NTA from the beginning. No is a complete sentence. I was skinny shamed for years until I got really rude back to people asking me if I want some of their fat, or is everything ok at home. All the feels for the husband - thank you for the update and I hope you get peace.
I was really thin for years, 6' 125-130 lbs. (sorry metric folks I'm using freedom units lol) and it was common place for people to point it out. My Italian American friends and their mothers would constantly try to feed me because I was "too skinny" and it was hell trying to force myself to eat. You're right, eventually you have to get kinda rude so people step off. Thankfully I filled out and with some help from the gym I'm ~185 lb. now but god damn was it frustrating being force fed and reminded that you're boarder line emaciated. Some people eat to live, others live to eat.
Load More Replies... This is one of the saddest things I have ever read here. I hope his husband is doing well. I can't believe the manager didn't see that what was going on was serious harassment, not someone "being nice".
NTA for OP & husband, that lady was a psycho & don't know the meaning to mind your own business. To make matters worse someone had a kid with her. Unbelievable!! 🤭
And Peg and the other a******s won't learn from this at all. Despite all of the s****y things they did during and afterwards (stalking; throwing his lunch away; actively sabotaging is work; etc) they'll keeping thinking they were the actual victims at the time and after getting rightfully fired.
Oh so Peg was HOMOPHOBIC and a total ahole, bullying someone with cancer, and works in a hospital? This lady should never be allowed to work in health care ever again!
I agree Peg is a horrible person but I didn't see anything in her actions that was targeting him for his sexuality. Most homophobes don't go out of their way to cook for people they hate, otherwise MAGA Nazi rallies would be catered.
Load More Replies... I did not see the ending coming. I am sorry to hear he passed but happy the company did not find him to blame. this is an excellent case study for management on how to handle complaints. whenever one of my employees had a complaint, I just sent to hr, let them decide.
Why did I have an image in my mind of the Coworker literally feeding the OP like a child? (Here cooomes the plane...~)
Sometimes you have to yell. After the first few days, I'd dump each meal in the trash right in front of her.
S**t. I was Not expecting that to explode the way it did. And then I got to the update. Absolutely bloody heartbreaking 💔
This is so sad. I assume they are in the US (medical bills) so I wonder if it was wise to get married... I understand the emotional reason to marry... but doesn't that mean she has to take on his medical debt once he has passed? Is that true in every state, or just in some places?
How did you miss that his partner was his bf and then husband?
Load More Replies... This is one of the stories where I hope it’s fake but feel is real. I want it to be fake because it’s heartbreaking, but I feel it’s real because it has been over a year.
What's really twisting my tits is that if this was a male coworker trying to feed a female OP he'd have been yeeted from the building like his a**e was on fire in three seconds flat
He was ill & being harassed. The boss treated him as the aggressor. No wonder the company had to compensate...... then I read the update. So so sad for your loss. I'm glad you married. All the best for your healing. You both should not have had to deal with that.
We have computer ELMs for this c**p, and it is harassment for this woman to continually bring food when she was asked politely not to, and the comments made subsequently are even worse.
My mind goes immediately to Peg's child (children) and imagining the sort of parent she no doubt is. No two ways about it. Very troubling.
The first time he said no thanks should have been the end of it. I am on the other end of the size chart. bring me a salad because it's healthier, I will eat it as soon as I finish eating MY OWN snacks.
OPS Boyfriend is lucky, I feel for OP (If OP reads this: if your bf doesn’t want the food… *Wink wink* lol )
I understand that he shouldn't have needed to explain but I also think he could have done so without needed to divulge his specifics of his medical condition, he could have just said " It's nice that you're concerned but I've had a lot of illnesses and allergies in my life and I'm working on it with my doctor to get better and it's not anybodies business but ours." I don't understand why people are so secretive about medical condintions, they aren't anybodies fault, nobody chooses to have them, so why feel the need to hide them like your ashamed? I understand not wanting to discuss every detale with every person you meet, but there's nothing wrong with saying I've had some health issues, I don't want to discuss details, but this is what my doctor and I feel is the best corse of action.
Wow, co worker does not get to insist on a damn thing! Let HR know, and the next time, tell her you are adding it to the harassment log for HR..
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