“I Connected The Dots”: 19-Year-Old Seeks Online Advice After Discovering His Sister Lied About Her Identity For Years
This 19-year-old man turned to one Reddit community after the entire world as he knew it felt like it was collapsing.
In an unexpected course of events, the young man discovered that his older sister Rose, with whom he grew up in an adoptive family, was not who he believed she was.
It all started when one day, “my friend offered me to take a DNA test to find some information about my heritage, since my sister wouldn’t speak of them much.” Among some interesting things the author discovered was the fact that he had an aunt with whom he agreed to meet.
When the two met up, the missing dots began connecting.
This 19-year-old is at a total loss after discovering his older sister was not who he thought she was
Image credits: Christian Erfurt (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mufid Majnun (not the actual photo)
“The search for self is a very normative human experience,” a psychologist says about people who are in search of their biological origins
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
With more people using commercial genetic tests to find family members and learn more about their DNA, turns out stories like this one are more common than we’d expect.
Psychologists argue that searching for one’s biological origins is a typical urge, and a deep desire to know about genetic history does not indicate that a person is rejecting the family that raised him or her. David Brodzinsky, Ph.D., a professor emeritus of clinical and developmental psychology at Rutgers University in New Jersey, believes that “the search for self is a very normative human experience.”
For biological parents, particularly those who gave children up for adoption, reunification often relieves guilt, uncertainty and what can be deep scars over the decision, Brodzinsky says. “It helps them to resolve what has been a really complicated bereavement process for them,” he says.
At-home DNA testing, which has been getting very popular lately, can reveal family secrets that nobody prepares you for
Image credits: Christin Hume (not the actual photo)
But while at-home DNA testing is easy and speedy, which is what makes it so appealing, the family secrets that emerge as a result of them can cause great emotional distress. New relatives, hidden stories and unexpected turns of fate can fall down on a person a little too suddenly—in a click of a mouse.
Psychologists say that in most cases, it’s better to talk to relatives and caregivers you can trust before you get the information you weren’t prepared for.
The 19-year-old later added this quick update
In a second edit, the author clarified some information about the whole situation
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)
The author later added this update
Image source: MyLifeAreABrokenMess
And this is what people had to comment about this whole story
Some people questioned the credibility of the story
She did the wrong thing for the right reason at a very young age. She has had to make every choice one that gave her and her son a viable future, together. I feel for her deeply I wonder if she understands how brave she is. Lying at 14 when consequences seem like a surreal and vague thing is not hard to understand but then she had to live that lie and never claim her son in the way she likely wished she could. She had to weigh up the cost of been honest versus the security they had and she had her parents attitude to her pregnancy dancing around inside her head while she was figuring it all out. Glad it worked out and god bless the adoptive parents.
In response to the "assume US" dude. I assumed the opposite. The story states "hitchhiked to another country". Also, adoption in the US is 100% going to require a birth certificate, and that would have spilled the whole pot of beans.
If the parents didn't formally report her missing, she could have easily created a whole new identity across the American/Canadian border. Or even in her own counrty. Adoptions can happen without birth records in the US after a waiting period if none are found. If she gave a fake name and changed her appearance/story enough, even if she'd been reported missing she might have gotten away with it. Legally she wasn't kidnapping her own baby, and she ran of her own accord, so there would have been no Amber Alert, and in the early aughts when this would have happened, it's plausible. Possibly made up, but definitely possibly true. I didn't have a baby, but I hitchhiked across the border to Canada as a teen and created an entire life and identity there and nobody questioned it.
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Who knows what choices any of us would have made in that situation. You both were lucky to have found a good home. Your mom did what she thought was the right thing. Who knows what a 14 year old girl would have faced if she had told your true relationship. You likely would have been separated. CPS would have placed you in foster care. At the age of 14, they likely wouldn't have allowed her to keep you. You both would have gone into the system and wouldn't necessarily be placed together. But by telling people she was your sister, there was a stronger chance they would try to keep you together. So I can see why she did it. But when you became old enough to understand, IMO, she should have told you the truth herself. It might have been easier. But that part is over. You lost a sister but gained a mom. You have an opportunity to enjoy each other in a true mother-son relationship. Rejoice in that.
While they do keep a close eye, teen mothers have rights to their children, even if the teen mom is in foster care. Her parents would have probably been on CPSs s**t list because legally they were responsible for their 14 year old daughter financially, and withdrawing support and neglecting your child (even if they have a child of their own) is actually illegal. Parents of teen moms cannot force an adoption, and have zero rights to make choices about their grandchild if the teen parent doesn't allow it. However, the teen is still under their thumb in all else, so it becomes complicated easily. It's the same in foster care, they legally can't separate teen moms from their babies for no reason. But there would have been more eyes on the teen mom and it is easier to get the baby taken away if she messed up, though it's not something they can do without cause. But at 14 she probably didn't know her rights, and it's entirely understandable what she did. Very brave
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She did the wrong thing for the right reason at a very young age. She has had to make every choice one that gave her and her son a viable future, together. I feel for her deeply I wonder if she understands how brave she is. Lying at 14 when consequences seem like a surreal and vague thing is not hard to understand but then she had to live that lie and never claim her son in the way she likely wished she could. She had to weigh up the cost of been honest versus the security they had and she had her parents attitude to her pregnancy dancing around inside her head while she was figuring it all out. Glad it worked out and god bless the adoptive parents.
In response to the "assume US" dude. I assumed the opposite. The story states "hitchhiked to another country". Also, adoption in the US is 100% going to require a birth certificate, and that would have spilled the whole pot of beans.
If the parents didn't formally report her missing, she could have easily created a whole new identity across the American/Canadian border. Or even in her own counrty. Adoptions can happen without birth records in the US after a waiting period if none are found. If she gave a fake name and changed her appearance/story enough, even if she'd been reported missing she might have gotten away with it. Legally she wasn't kidnapping her own baby, and she ran of her own accord, so there would have been no Amber Alert, and in the early aughts when this would have happened, it's plausible. Possibly made up, but definitely possibly true. I didn't have a baby, but I hitchhiked across the border to Canada as a teen and created an entire life and identity there and nobody questioned it.
Load More Replies... Who knows what choices any of us would have made in that situation. You both were lucky to have found a good home. Your mom did what she thought was the right thing. Who knows what a 14 year old girl would have faced if she had told your true relationship. You likely would have been separated. CPS would have placed you in foster care. At the age of 14, they likely wouldn't have allowed her to keep you. You both would have gone into the system and wouldn't necessarily be placed together. But by telling people she was your sister, there was a stronger chance they would try to keep you together. So I can see why she did it. But when you became old enough to understand, IMO, she should have told you the truth herself. It might have been easier. But that part is over. You lost a sister but gained a mom. You have an opportunity to enjoy each other in a true mother-son relationship. Rejoice in that.
While they do keep a close eye, teen mothers have rights to their children, even if the teen mom is in foster care. Her parents would have probably been on CPSs s**t list because legally they were responsible for their 14 year old daughter financially, and withdrawing support and neglecting your child (even if they have a child of their own) is actually illegal. Parents of teen moms cannot force an adoption, and have zero rights to make choices about their grandchild if the teen parent doesn't allow it. However, the teen is still under their thumb in all else, so it becomes complicated easily. It's the same in foster care, they legally can't separate teen moms from their babies for no reason. But there would have been more eyes on the teen mom and it is easier to get the baby taken away if she messed up, though it's not something they can do without cause. But at 14 she probably didn't know her rights, and it's entirely understandable what she did. Very brave
Load More Replies...
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