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“Thank You, I Guess”: Man’s ‘Surprise’ After Wife’s Getaway Weekend Doesn’t Go As Planned
Marriage can be difficult for many couples. And because things can get extra tricky sometimes, taking a breather through a short vacation can be helpful for a much-needed reset.
In today’s story shared by Reddit user AskingHard, his wife went on a weekend getaway. With a list of chores, he decided to finish everything before his spouse returned. But he failed to complete one task after hurting himself while working, causing disappointment to his wife.
Now, he has turned to the internet for answers. Was he wrong for not getting everything done? Or should his wife have been more understanding, instead?
RELATED:
Arguments and heated moments between spouses are inevitable
Image credits: Anete Lusina / pexels (not the actual photo)
A husband decided to complete some tasks and chores at home as his wife went on a weekend getaway
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
But he threw his back out while completing a chore for one of his son’s rooms
Image credits: George Milton / pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP provided more details to his story for added context
Image credits: AskingHard
He also answered some questions
The husband expected appreciation, but instead, he got a cold shoulder
The situation between the original poster and his wife isn’t new among married couples with children. Research has shown that spouses report lower marital satisfaction when they become parents.
Outside of studies, anecdotal evidence says the same. Author Gemma Hartley thought she and her husband would be “better equipped” to handle the challenges of married life. It all changed when they had children.
“It didn’t take long after I gave birth to realize just how wrong I was,” Hartley wrote in an article for Romper. “Our once easy marriage suddenly became incredibly difficult, and because we had always enjoyed such an effortless relationship, I didn’t know how to cope. Neither did my husband.”
But what about having kids causes that sudden shift? Holly, a Canada-based mother, spoke to BBC, blaming the division of labor with her husband as the primary trigger of their fights.
“I had an emergency C-section. My body was falling apart. I was feeding two babies 24/7, not sleeping. And if one of them was crying, he would be like, ‘Oh, they just want you.’ I had so much rage towards him.”
Image credits: Mike Greer / pexels (not the actual photo)
Love cannot thrive without understanding one another, experts remind
Based on the OP’s account, there seems to be an apparent lack of understanding between him and his wife. For veteran psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., understanding holds a slightly heavier importance than love.
“Well-adjusted couples work and learn to understand one another’s evolving needs as the years go by. Alternatively, couples who bite the dust and divorce typically have suffered a breakdown in understanding, also known as empathy,” Dr. Bernstein wrote in an article for Psychology Today.
The OP admitted he was expecting a “boatload of appreciation” from his spouse. Meanwhile, his wife refused to help with the household duties because “she deserved a break.” Dr. Bernstein also spoke about this kind of situation in his piece.
“Our egos are what seem to get in the way of understanding those who we love and care about. Often, it is our need to be right that makes what others think and feel so wrong for us.”
Image credits: Thirdman / pexels (not the actual photo)
The comments section was divided. Those who sided with him lauded him for doing work despite the back pain
But those who went against him didn’t feel he deserved the appreciation from his wife
The husband shared his final thoughts about who he thinks was in the wrong
Image credits: Nataliya Vaitkevich / pexels (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
Szzone 1 year ago
Yeah everyone who says YTA needs to touch grass and I bet you would be infuriated if you spent your weekend doing things for the household and your partner, who was away on a fun weekend, didn't appreciate it. Also if the roles were reversed people would be up in arms.
Sunny Day 1 year ago
Years ago, my dad spent his day off clearing the dandelions from the back yard. He used a nail remover (I think it's called - like a curved screwdriver with a v-shaped end) and spent about 6 hours on his hands and knees in 90°F sunshine, and cleared the roughly 7000sqft back yard of yellow weeds. He finished right before my mom got home from work. He took her to the back door to show his accomplishment. And she said "oh. You didn't do outside the fence?". He opened the door and went back out in the sweltering heat to do "outside the fence" for Her Ladyship.
Load More Replies...
Upstaged75 1 year ago
So she's mad at him for hurting himself? How ridiculous! Obviously he didn't do it on purpose.
lenka 1 year ago
Of course she is not mad at him for hurting himself. There are several parts she is mad at. The first is that he promised her a 'surprise' and expected a 'boat load of appreciation'. He wanted to be put on a pedestal and praised for doing household chores. The tasks accumulated because he didn't do them as and when they arose, and now he wants a prize? I bet she doesn't ring him at work and say "I've got a wonderful surprise for you" only for him to come home to a pile of clean folded laundry. She is ALSO mad because presumably the sons bedroom now looks like a renovation zone and is not suitable for sleeping. She is right... he should have started it on the Saturday when the kids were not going to be home and needing to sleep in the bedroom on the Saturday night. Now its the end of the weekend and she has a half done bedroom, a kid without a room and an incapacitated husband. Yay.
Load More Replies...
Claire Elise 1 year ago
OK. I have one thing to say, and I know a lot of you are not going to be on the same page as me with this, but I'm going to say it anyway: What is a shiplap???
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Makes me think she spent the weekend complaining about her life and didn't want to go back to it.
Momma Jess 1 year ago
She's an asshat. Why does the order in which the things get done matter? What does it hurt to show someone appreciation for something they've done? Why be a jerk about the stuff not done yet? It's not going anywhere, it'll get done. My roommate sucks at domestic things, and is self admittedly lazy AF, and though the amount of things I do around the house outweighs what she does by a LOT I STILL thank her profusely for doing what she does when she does it, because it costs me nothing to say thank you and provide some positive reinforcement...
RP 1 year ago
She should have checked he was ok and thanked him for the effort because it's important for both sides to articulate that they have seen the work the other partner does. A little 'thank you' never hurts. BUT none of these things were 'for her'. They were all for the house and the children they share. These were his responsibility and not a present. So NTA for being disappointed at a lack of concern and appreciation but YTA for phrasing it like he was doing her a favour for which she should be grateful.
Secret Squirrel 1 year ago
If your reason for not showing love and appreciation is that you don't get shown any, please do some deep thinking about whatever is wrong with your relationship. Who would want to marry you or your spouse?
Jackie Lulu 1 year ago
I'm appreciative of anything my husband does around the house! He's quite handy and it's nice that we rarely have to hire a contractor. We are not always on the same page as to priorities, but if he's doing the work, he wins. It can be frustrating, but not a big deal!
Szzone 1 year ago
Yeah everyone who says YTA needs to touch grass and I bet you would be infuriated if you spent your weekend doing things for the household and your partner, who was away on a fun weekend, didn't appreciate it. Also if the roles were reversed people would be up in arms.
Sunny Day 1 year ago
Years ago, my dad spent his day off clearing the dandelions from the back yard. He used a nail remover (I think it's called - like a curved screwdriver with a v-shaped end) and spent about 6 hours on his hands and knees in 90°F sunshine, and cleared the roughly 7000sqft back yard of yellow weeds. He finished right before my mom got home from work. He took her to the back door to show his accomplishment. And she said "oh. You didn't do outside the fence?". He opened the door and went back out in the sweltering heat to do "outside the fence" for Her Ladyship.
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 1 year ago
So she's mad at him for hurting himself? How ridiculous! Obviously he didn't do it on purpose.
lenka 1 year ago
Of course she is not mad at him for hurting himself. There are several parts she is mad at. The first is that he promised her a 'surprise' and expected a 'boat load of appreciation'. He wanted to be put on a pedestal and praised for doing household chores. The tasks accumulated because he didn't do them as and when they arose, and now he wants a prize? I bet she doesn't ring him at work and say "I've got a wonderful surprise for you" only for him to come home to a pile of clean folded laundry. She is ALSO mad because presumably the sons bedroom now looks like a renovation zone and is not suitable for sleeping. She is right... he should have started it on the Saturday when the kids were not going to be home and needing to sleep in the bedroom on the Saturday night. Now its the end of the weekend and she has a half done bedroom, a kid without a room and an incapacitated husband. Yay.
Load More Replies... Claire Elise 1 year ago
OK. I have one thing to say, and I know a lot of you are not going to be on the same page as me with this, but I'm going to say it anyway: What is a shiplap???
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Makes me think she spent the weekend complaining about her life and didn't want to go back to it.
Momma Jess 1 year ago
She's an asshat. Why does the order in which the things get done matter? What does it hurt to show someone appreciation for something they've done? Why be a jerk about the stuff not done yet? It's not going anywhere, it'll get done. My roommate sucks at domestic things, and is self admittedly lazy AF, and though the amount of things I do around the house outweighs what she does by a LOT I STILL thank her profusely for doing what she does when she does it, because it costs me nothing to say thank you and provide some positive reinforcement...
RP 1 year ago
She should have checked he was ok and thanked him for the effort because it's important for both sides to articulate that they have seen the work the other partner does. A little 'thank you' never hurts. BUT none of these things were 'for her'. They were all for the house and the children they share. These were his responsibility and not a present. So NTA for being disappointed at a lack of concern and appreciation but YTA for phrasing it like he was doing her a favour for which she should be grateful.
Secret Squirrel 1 year ago
If your reason for not showing love and appreciation is that you don't get shown any, please do some deep thinking about whatever is wrong with your relationship. Who would want to marry you or your spouse?
Jackie Lulu 1 year ago
I'm appreciative of anything my husband does around the house! He's quite handy and it's nice that we rarely have to hire a contractor. We are not always on the same page as to priorities, but if he's doing the work, he wins. It can be frustrating, but not a big deal!
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