In these days of modernity and gender equality, going Dutch on a date and splitting the bill is nothing new. It’s no big deal: we’ve seen it before and (odds are) we’ve done it countless times. However, something that you probably haven’t done is asking for equal payment after a few dates when you realize that you won’t be seeing that person again.
That’s exactly the weird situation that Alex Colboth from Milwaukee in Wisconsin found herself in. The guy she was seeing messaged her and asked her to reimburse him for the three dates that they’d been on when he was rejected by her. “It’s only fair to ask for equal payment from you,” he wrote.
This unusual request sparked quite a debate on Twitter. While social media users came out in support of the guy for having the guts to be so upfront, others thought that he was completely out of line. Have a read through the man’s message to Alex and let us know who you think is in the right here, dear Pandas. How would you respond if you were Alex?
More info: Twitter | Instagram
Alex shared how a guy asked her for a refund when she said she didn’t want to see him anymore after 3 dates
Image credits: alexcolboth
Image credits: alexx_colboth
Alex later gave all of us an update that she didn’t reimburse her Tinder match after his request.
Some Twitter users pointed out that the man was being unreasonable because he refused to accept the fact that dating is a risk. You might find yourself falling in love or you might realize that you wasted your time. But you move on. And, if you’re lucky, you learn a little something for the next date.
Meanwhile, other Twitter users noted that, in their opinion, there’s nothing wrong with asking for your money back. We’re living in 2021 after all.
The Harvard Business Review points out that what’s truly important during those first few dates is honesty and openness about your views on money. “Rather than letting outdated assumptions lurk in the background, be open about money right from the get-go, and come to a decision you’re both comfortable with,” Kiara Taylor writes on HBR.
Because everyone’s financial situation is different, it’s vital that you set out very clear boundaries for budgets, gifts, and expectations for who will foot the bill as soon as possible. Avoiding the question because you feel uncomfortable will only create more trouble down the line, especially if you feel that the relationship is getting serious.
On the flip side, if the romance doesn’t work out, then what do you have to lose by being candid about your financial expectations. According to HBR, this honesty about your views on money can deepen your relationship and increase your empathy for one another. And if we follow this advice, it’s clear that we should bite the bullet and ask to split the bill during the date and not after. Though some would still disagree.
Twitter users had various reactions to the situation, with some criticizing the guy for having the audacity to ask for his money back and others showing their support
Image credits: LeeshaBabeeee
Image credits: Fuvkmarty
Image credits: Zeroxmachina
Image credits: art__emm
Image credits: BeUtifulEnigma7
Image credits: Laura99135119
Image credits: inDigo_Papii
Image credits: just_atoyy
Image credits: sierrablawrence
Image credits: MabeyBrent
Image credits: pubhealthdarlng
Image credits: imanicaa10
Image credits: notneeva
Image credits: ladyryah95
Image credits: AshleyAlready
Image credits: chuuchuuengine
Image credits: Rising_Aron
Image credits: Daphne_488
Image credits: LindsayFromTX
Image credits: forbanter2
Image credits: LukeGreensmith
Image credits: stephanietrajj
Image credits: MobolajiAdewal3
Image credits: dominick_keene
Image credits: JavDeLa
Image credits: Marcdachamp
Image credits: OnceMerc
Image credits: KingstonBraeden
Image credits: ivaniscold
Image credits: SnakeskinMoth
Image credits: tweakiwnl
If you want to split the bill, that’s perfectly fine. But treating someone to dinner and THEN demanding money is just petty.
Exactly. I always prefer to split if i dont know a lot a person because i feel guilty if the other one pays. But asking for a "refund" is ridiculous. What did he think that she is? A prostitute? He puts money and gets a woman?
If he wanted a prostitute who'd give the full "girlfriend experience", he needed to pay more than $35.
He did. Read more carefully.
Yep. If I took an acquaintance out for coffee and it didn't turn into an actual friendship, I wouldn't ask for the money back. That was a gift freely given. Back when I was single, I did split or alternate paying checks. I'm a modern, employed woman. Seems fair to me. A guy wanting to treat me to expensive dates when we didn't have an established relationship and it wasn't a special occasion was a bit of a flag for me that he might have a transactional attitude. It's a thing my dad warned me to look out for.
totally agreed. Obviously he treated her thinking he‘d get something in return. Now that she doesn‘t want to see him again, he wants a reimbursement? Love is not a business deal.
So he means he was paying to get laid? Also: that's exactly why when I was dating I've always wanted to split the bill. No way you're making me feel like I owe you anything. That said, I would reimburse him with 40 dollars. Go get a coffee hun, it's on me.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Or he really was developing feelings for her and got hurt.
That's the risk you take when you date. Dating is a test drive for a more committed relationship. If she didn't feel the same about him, then she didn't owe him a continued relationship just because he developed feelings.
This is true. I wasn’t excusing him, just offering a plausible alternative.
I don't like either of these two. Why go on three dates with someone you clearly don't like and make him pay everything? And post it all on Twitter to get approval from strangers? And if this man decided to pay for dates, why request the money back? It's not big amount, have dignity, suck it up and go on. Requesting money back from dates is rude, it sounds like you were "investing" into her, which is awful.
It can take a lot more than 3 dates to realise you don't like someone or that they aren't right for you. We actually don't know if she made him pay, he could have insisted on paying expecting to get something out of it. which sounds like his plan all along, since he is asking for the money back coz he didn't get what he "paid" for. We are not objects to return for a bloody refund. We are not obligated to date someone just because they paid for something.
Agreed, was going to say this. Sometimes it only takes one date to know it won't work, sometimes five, sometimes marriage. We don't have enough facts to know what they discussed about payment, or if one insisted more than the other. As usual, Twitter fosters a very abridged, very one-sided version of a story.
totally agreed. Apparently he paid and expected something in return. It‘s like he wanted to buy her feelings. Noone made him pay for her, he probably treated her on his own.
These are excellent points!
That's what dating is - getting to know each other and figuring out if you want to be in a relationship with them. You can't know that after just one date. Or, well, I can't, maybe others can...
Is 2021, everything must be recorded on the internet for fake points
Agreed on disliking both. Three dates totalling only $35/person... Most positive possible spin I see is that he tries to say "I feel you deliberately led me on" in a 'funny' way; and we can't judge as we didn't see how good/bad the 'dates' went.
I agree, neither of them come out of this well
I am sorry to break it to you but dating guys with which they are not interested just to get free dinners and drinks is a business model for some women
Crappy business model if she only "earned" $35 in food/drink after 3 damn dates. You must have a hole in your head.
Yeah I'm going to need closer to $50/hr to sit through some of these dinners. I'd rather just have a sandwich at home.
If you want to split the bill, that’s perfectly fine. But treating someone to dinner and THEN demanding money is just petty.
Exactly. I always prefer to split if i dont know a lot a person because i feel guilty if the other one pays. But asking for a "refund" is ridiculous. What did he think that she is? A prostitute? He puts money and gets a woman?
If he wanted a prostitute who'd give the full "girlfriend experience", he needed to pay more than $35.
He did. Read more carefully.
Yep. If I took an acquaintance out for coffee and it didn't turn into an actual friendship, I wouldn't ask for the money back. That was a gift freely given. Back when I was single, I did split or alternate paying checks. I'm a modern, employed woman. Seems fair to me. A guy wanting to treat me to expensive dates when we didn't have an established relationship and it wasn't a special occasion was a bit of a flag for me that he might have a transactional attitude. It's a thing my dad warned me to look out for.
totally agreed. Obviously he treated her thinking he‘d get something in return. Now that she doesn‘t want to see him again, he wants a reimbursement? Love is not a business deal.
So he means he was paying to get laid? Also: that's exactly why when I was dating I've always wanted to split the bill. No way you're making me feel like I owe you anything. That said, I would reimburse him with 40 dollars. Go get a coffee hun, it's on me.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Or he really was developing feelings for her and got hurt.
That's the risk you take when you date. Dating is a test drive for a more committed relationship. If she didn't feel the same about him, then she didn't owe him a continued relationship just because he developed feelings.
This is true. I wasn’t excusing him, just offering a plausible alternative.
I don't like either of these two. Why go on three dates with someone you clearly don't like and make him pay everything? And post it all on Twitter to get approval from strangers? And if this man decided to pay for dates, why request the money back? It's not big amount, have dignity, suck it up and go on. Requesting money back from dates is rude, it sounds like you were "investing" into her, which is awful.
It can take a lot more than 3 dates to realise you don't like someone or that they aren't right for you. We actually don't know if she made him pay, he could have insisted on paying expecting to get something out of it. which sounds like his plan all along, since he is asking for the money back coz he didn't get what he "paid" for. We are not objects to return for a bloody refund. We are not obligated to date someone just because they paid for something.
Agreed, was going to say this. Sometimes it only takes one date to know it won't work, sometimes five, sometimes marriage. We don't have enough facts to know what they discussed about payment, or if one insisted more than the other. As usual, Twitter fosters a very abridged, very one-sided version of a story.
totally agreed. Apparently he paid and expected something in return. It‘s like he wanted to buy her feelings. Noone made him pay for her, he probably treated her on his own.
These are excellent points!
That's what dating is - getting to know each other and figuring out if you want to be in a relationship with them. You can't know that after just one date. Or, well, I can't, maybe others can...
Is 2021, everything must be recorded on the internet for fake points
Agreed on disliking both. Three dates totalling only $35/person... Most positive possible spin I see is that he tries to say "I feel you deliberately led me on" in a 'funny' way; and we can't judge as we didn't see how good/bad the 'dates' went.
I agree, neither of them come out of this well
I am sorry to break it to you but dating guys with which they are not interested just to get free dinners and drinks is a business model for some women
Crappy business model if she only "earned" $35 in food/drink after 3 damn dates. You must have a hole in your head.
Yeah I'm going to need closer to $50/hr to sit through some of these dinners. I'd rather just have a sandwich at home.