“I Told Her That Was How I Felt”: Husband Makes His Wife Cry By Valuing Her Less As A Person After She Talked With Her Racist Father
While we like the people who we allow in our lives, it doesn’t mean they’re perfect and there is nothing about them that annoys us or that we don’t approve of. But we decide which character flaws we can tolerate and which are deal breakers.
Reddit user BecomingAQuartet seriously doubted his wife’s values when he found out she had started talking with her dad again. They both cut ties with him after his weird comments about the man’s son, so he felt betrayed she would let him into her life again.
Man made his wife cry and if at first he felt justified, after the emotions settled down, he wasn’t so sure
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
The wife was pregnant and she wanted her dad to be in her child’s life, which infuriated the man
Image credits: u/BecomingAQuartet
He was pretty mad at his father-in-law because when he first met his son, the wife’s father made some inappropriate comments regarding the boy’s race
Image credits: Jenean Newcomb (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/BecomingAQuartet
After the incident, the wife stopped talking to her dad and he didn’t attend their wedding either
Image credits: Julia M Cameron (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/BecomingAQuartet
So he felt hurt to know his wife reconnected with her racist father and said pretty hurtful things to her
The Original Poster (OP) met his wife at work and at the same time met her dad, because he worked at the same company, but was in a higher position. When the man realized that he could have a future with this woman, he decided it was time she met his son.
The both of them got along fine, but when the OP introduced his son to his current wife’s dad, it was weird. He kept commenting on the boy’s appearance and the man felt it was racist. In the comments, the OP revealed more details: “he said ‘I wasn’t expecting that’ and asked ‘is his mom in prison?’ He asked me if his hair had ever been washed and if I was worried about him going to school on top of a bunch of other ignorant s**t. After the dinner, when I confronted him, he said it wasn’t his fault because no one had prepared him and I didn’t seem like the type to mix with “that sort” of company.” The man actually asked his father-in-law to never contact him if it doesn’t concern work.
It is not clear if the couple talked about it, but the woman also stopped talking with her dad and the two of them left the company soon after. The woman didn’t even invite him to their wedding. The OP thought that this was the end and he wouldn’t see his father-in-law in the future, but his wife recently confessed that she has been talking with him for a while now.
Turns out, the wife is pregnant and was looking for jobs she could start after giving birth as she didn’t want to go back to the company where she worked before getting pregnant. But the woman was considering going back to the company her dad worked at and agreed to a job interview.
That came out of nowhere and the OP was overwhelmed with emotions, so he didn’t really think when he told his wife that her decision makes her less of a person in his eyes, which made the woman cry. At the time, the man thought his wife deserved to hear the harsh truth, but after calming down, it seemed that it wasn’t necessary and he could have worded it differently.
However, people in the comments weren’t as merciful because they take racism seriously. In their eyes, people who are friendly to racists are racists themselves if they can tolerate such a view. Also, the wife was concealing her relationship with her dad, so how could the OP trust her anymore?
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)
But there were some who thought that maybe the dad had changed and was sorry for talking in that way. Maybe when he thought he had lost his daughter, he tried to change and understand why he was wrong. Or the OP’s wife managed to explain to her father that he needs to change. All of this information isn’t available to us, but it could be true.
When we grow up, we don’t theoretically need our parents and if they bring more pain than joy, cutting ties with them might seem right, but maybe it’s worth saving the relationship if there is hope.
If we want less racists to exist, it is important to prevent racism and start teaching children from early years about it, but we also can teach adults that their attitude is wrong.
Corey Bennett Williams, a racial equity educator, agrees that confronting the problem is better than stopping talking to the person. She concludes that trying to educate someone about racism is an act of love, whether the racist person realizes it or not.
Do you think the wife deserves compassion? Was the husband too harsh or was his reaction justified as he was just angry that his wife would let someone who doesn’t accept his son into their lives? Let us know your opinions in the comments.
People in the comments encouraged the man to not regret his words because the situation was a true betrayal from the wife’s side
I've said it before and I'll say it again, most of these stories build down to a lack of tact
These two should have never been together - it's ALL bad! Nobody should have to lose a father, and nobody should have to put up with blind unnecessary hateful comments. At the end of the day... Nobody wins here. Being the arsehole at this point doesn't even matter... It's all just a sad awful situation and i don't see a good resolution. Nobody wins here. Nobody. ...and that's just terribly sad. I'm going to go eat a candy bar and try to get these awful feelings out of my head. :[
I agree with you everyone sucks in this one. The OP's comment "if she had said both I'd have left right then and there"...that rubbed me the wrong way...so he would have abandoned his pregnant wife because she wants her kids to know their grandfather?!? Even if he's bad the kids can learn what NOT to be from him. People inherently want to know where and who they came from. I think to keep them from that I'd wrong.
Load More Replies...
I and my whole family are white, and I'VE thrown people out of my house for being racist. I can't IMAGINE having a biracial child (or ANY child, for that matter) and allowing a racist "grandfather" to be in ANY part of his life.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, most of these stories build down to a lack of tact
These two should have never been together - it's ALL bad! Nobody should have to lose a father, and nobody should have to put up with blind unnecessary hateful comments. At the end of the day... Nobody wins here. Being the arsehole at this point doesn't even matter... It's all just a sad awful situation and i don't see a good resolution. Nobody wins here. Nobody. ...and that's just terribly sad. I'm going to go eat a candy bar and try to get these awful feelings out of my head. :[
I agree with you everyone sucks in this one. The OP's comment "if she had said both I'd have left right then and there"...that rubbed me the wrong way...so he would have abandoned his pregnant wife because she wants her kids to know their grandfather?!? Even if he's bad the kids can learn what NOT to be from him. People inherently want to know where and who they came from. I think to keep them from that I'd wrong.
Load More Replies... I and my whole family are white, and I'VE thrown people out of my house for being racist. I can't IMAGINE having a biracial child (or ANY child, for that matter) and allowing a racist "grandfather" to be in ANY part of his life.
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