Woman Asks “[Am I The Jerk] For Making Homemade Food For Everyone Except My Brother’s Stepdaughter?”

There are not too many things without which people can’t survive. They include air, water, food and warmth. So why can some of them also kill us? Food is especially dangerous because we don’t even know that it can kill us until we try it and get an unpleasant reaction or even get hospitalized.

Food allergies are no joke and this person knows it very well, so she didn’t even try to make a meal for her brother’s stepdaughter, fearing that she might cross-contaminate something and the girl would end up in the hospital. However, her brother didn’t appreciate her cooking for everyone else but buying takeaway for his stepdaughter.

More info: Reddit

Woman thought she was doing the right thing by not cooking for her step-niece with severe food allergies but her brother was actually mad

Image credits: Joe L (not the actual photo)

The Original Poster (OP) likes to cook and is pretty good at it, especially because she took some cooking classes. Her friends and family know about it, so she is happy to host dinners and serve them meals she cooked.

Recently there was an occasion for the family to gather as the OP’s parents were celebrating their wedding anniversary. Besides the parents, the woman invited close family friends, her brother, her brother’s wife, the wife’s daughter from her previous marriage, her sister and the sister’s family.

The author of the post is pretty passionate about cooking and will host dinners for family and friends quite often

Image credits: u/Alarming-Money-3543

The dinner was pretty impressive as it included 5 courses, but the OP didn’t make anything for her brother’s stepdaughter. The 9-year-old girl, Becca, has a severe dairy and gluten allergy and carries an epi-pen at all times.

The woman’s brother told her that once Becca was hospitalized because the place they were eating at used the same wooden spoon for her gluten-free pasta that they did for regular pasta and it didn’t matter that the spoon was washed in between uses.

Seeing that the OP has ADHD and gets distracted easily, she didn’t trust herself to prepare a meal that is completely gluten-free and dairy-free. Also, she doesn’t have a dishwasher, so she wasn’t sure she could make sure there wasn’t any gluten or dairy residue on her utensils and bowls.

She was preparing for her parents’ wedding anniversary celebration and was cooking a fancy 5-course meal

Image credits: u/Alarming-Money-3543

Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)

Despite loving a cooking challenge in general, this time the OP was not willing to risk someone’s health, so that is why the woman chose a restaurant that specialized in allergen-free food and bought her a meal from there.

Becca was happy with the meal, but her mom didn’t hide that she was disappointed. She whispered something in her husband’s ear, so he asked to talk with his sister.

Turns out, the brother’s wife was very unhappy about OP excluding her and making her eat takeout when she cooked this lavish dinner for everyone else.

The brother was so angry that the sister couldn’t even say a word and explain that she thought this was the safest way to serve Becca dinner. He was worried about how disappointed Becca would feel as he and his wife were praising how well her step-aunt can cook.

However, her brother’s stepdaughter has a severe allergy to even microscopic amounts of dairy and gluten

Image credits: u/Alarming-Money-3543

After the confrontation, the brother and his family left, which brought the whole family’s mood down. The woman can’t help but wonder where she went wrong, as she was just trying to look out for Becca but was accused of not accepting her as family instead.

That really upset the OP because she didn’t even think that the girl’s parents would expect her to cook, as she already once refused to bake a birthday cake for Becca and explained that she doesn’t have the measures to ensure the food is safe.

However, the woman received compassion from strangers on the internet as they believed she was very thoughtful. She knew her limitations, both physical and mental and after evaluating them, decided it is not in her competence, especially when she knew what serious consequences a mistake can cause.

She didn’t trust herself with cooking a safe meal for her, so she looked for a restaurant that specialized in allergen-free food to order for her

Image credits: u/Alarming-Money-3543

The public sector food body for Scotland, Food Standards Scotland gives general guidelines of how to cook for people with allergies: “Before you start preparing food, clean all work surfaces and equipment thoroughly using hot, soapy water to remove traces of anything you might have cooked before. Keep allergens separate from other foods and follow advice for avoiding cross-contact in the kitchen. Double check ingredients listed on pre-packed foods e.g. sauces for allergens.”

Queensland Government adds that to prevent cross-contamination, you should also make sure that everyone in the house is washing their hands before and after meals, and don’t use utensils that are hard to clean, like toasters. They suggest cooking the food for the person with an allergy first and then keeping it covered and separate. If they are using ingredients from communal jars like jam, it is best to buy a new one because, for example, you could have left crumbs containing dairy or gluten or nuts.

When the parents saw their daughter’s meal, they interpreted it as a sign that the woman doesn’t accept the girl as family

Image credits: u/Alarming-Money-3543

It is a lot of work for just one person and if you accidentally don’t wash something thoroughly or get distracted and forget a step, it won’t just make a person upset they ate something that they usually don’t, but it is actually a risk to someone’s health or even life.

The OP mentioned in the comments that if Becca consumes even the tiniest particle of dairy products, it causes anaphylactic shock. It also takes a very minuscule amount of gluten to cause the girl stomach cramps and make her vomit.

They didn’t allow her to explain that she was actually just looking out for the guest’s health, and left the dinner early

Image credits: fauxels (not the actual photo)

Do you think the OP still could have put in more effort in order to not make Becca feel left out? Do you think such treatment could have made the girl feel left out when she knows she can’t eat the same as everyone else because of her allergies? What do you think of her mom and stepdad’s reaction? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

People in the comments accepted the woman’s reasons and considered her to be thoughtful for knowing her limitations and not risking it

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