Maid Of Honor Learns Why Her 4-Year Relationship Ended, Walks Out Of Wedding
Positions like the maid of honor, best man, bridesmaid, and groomsman exist to celebrate people close to you and let them be part of your special day. It’s exciting to be picked for this special occasion, but happiness can turn to sadness when you realize you aren’t as close to the happy couple as you might have thought.
A woman bailed on being a maid of honor when she learned that her ex cheated on her with the bride. In the fallout of this revelation, parts of the entire wedding fell apart, as OP was highly involved in the planning. Readers shared their thoughts on the ensuing drama and offered OP some advice on how to proceed.
Finding out that your friends are not as loyal as you thought they were is a painful revelation
Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual photo)
A woman learned the very uncomfortable truth from her ex on the eve of her friend’s wedding
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia (not the actual photo)
Image credits: That_Technician_9244
Cheating has always been and still is a major violation of trust in any relationship
Infidelity is by and large one of the more unforgivable “sins” one can commit in a relationship. The fact that Tom is willing to overlook it is quite surprising, as he is marrying a known cheater while OP is willing to break a friendship over it. There are very few reasons society might accept cheating, as even a person in an abusive relationship would be better advised to simply leave instead of trying something on the side.
Research shows that cheating normally requires two components, a collection of feelings and environmental circumstances. A combination of anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, and sexual desire might cause the person to consider cheating, while opportunity and the ability to “get away with it” might actually lead the person to commit the deed. While the aforementioned emotions are not really positive, it’s still not an excuse, as one should first fix their existing relationship or simply leave it before trying anything different.
As hard as that might seem, cheating is not a victimless “crime.” It’s better to break up than subject a person to infidelity. Being cheated on often leaves a person with long-lasting trust issues and self-doubt that tends to “bleed into” many of their subsequent relationships. Someone who has been betrayed once will likely fear it for a long time. While OP’s ex didn’t explicitly tell her why he was leaving her, just this uncertainty can be traumatizing. While we don’t know the details, it’s easy to imagine a lot of questioning, low self-esteem, and other issues.
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
OP made the best choice for her own mental health
OP doesn’t detail her own mental state, but studies suggest that her “taking charge” and refusing to participate in the wedding is ultimately healthy for her. In marriages where one partner cheats, the victim of infidelity tends to recover more quickly if they are the ones initiating a divorce. By taking back some amount of control over their own relationships, people can help stave off the loss of self-confidence. While OP was not actually divorcing anyone, skipping this wedding is a good way to build a boundary with a woman who betrayed her.
To pick OP as a MOH is particularly cynical after what Stacy did to her. Perhaps it was some outpouring of guilt, though this would only make the truth worse. In general, while no longer quite as important, the position of MOH and bridesmaids existed to protect the bride during the wedding itself. Just wearing similar clothing to the bride comes from pre-modern China, bridesmaids would act as a sort of decoy in case of bandits attacking.
Commenters supported OP’s decision, as she really did not owe Stacy anything at this point, particularly after the bride “allowed” her to do so much of the planning. While we truly do not know what was going through Stacy’s head, using your “friend” to help plan your wedding after you slept with her boyfriend is unhinged at best and downright evil at worst. The silver lining, if there is any for OP, is that it’s better to get rid of these sorts of friends early, not years down the line when you might need them for help.
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
Readers overwhelmingly sided with OP
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Why they hell would he tell her that the day before the wedding? Sorry your best friend was half the reason your future plans were ruined, but please continue being her servant and make her look like a perfect, special person!
He had just found out a few days before. I think it's fair that he worked out his feelings about it before talking to OP. This is way more on "Stacy" than "Tom". She probably didn't want him to tell OP at all, which would have been way worse. Although Tom was an AH after for being mad at OP for walking out of the wedding.
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"Stacy" is downright cruel. She knew she had an affair with her friend's partner, and then asked that same friend to be her maid of honor. That's sick thinking.
nah she probably thought that she'd get away with it and that it would be a case of no harm done. Cruelty means to enjoy harming others delibrately, and I don't think that was her objective. She just had a really poor grasp on the situation.
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One of the biggest NTA's ever. Cut everyone giving you a hard time about this out of your life. I'm sure they would totally act the way they expect you too if they were in your position. They're all unempathetic and hypocritical a******s who you don't owe anything to.
The issue is that we don't know wich version of the "truth" they were served. Stacy may very well have spinned the story in such a way that she would have apeared as the hero, and hence have manipulated those people against the maid of honnor. You should be very careful with cutting people out of your life before you have made sure that they truely understand what it is that they are doing.
Load More Replies... Why they hell would he tell her that the day before the wedding? Sorry your best friend was half the reason your future plans were ruined, but please continue being her servant and make her look like a perfect, special person!
He had just found out a few days before. I think it's fair that he worked out his feelings about it before talking to OP. This is way more on "Stacy" than "Tom". She probably didn't want him to tell OP at all, which would have been way worse. Although Tom was an AH after for being mad at OP for walking out of the wedding.
Load More Replies... "Stacy" is downright cruel. She knew she had an affair with her friend's partner, and then asked that same friend to be her maid of honor. That's sick thinking.
nah she probably thought that she'd get away with it and that it would be a case of no harm done. Cruelty means to enjoy harming others delibrately, and I don't think that was her objective. She just had a really poor grasp on the situation.
Load More Replies... One of the biggest NTA's ever. Cut everyone giving you a hard time about this out of your life. I'm sure they would totally act the way they expect you too if they were in your position. They're all unempathetic and hypocritical a******s who you don't owe anything to.
The issue is that we don't know wich version of the "truth" they were served. Stacy may very well have spinned the story in such a way that she would have apeared as the hero, and hence have manipulated those people against the maid of honnor. You should be very careful with cutting people out of your life before you have made sure that they truely understand what it is that they are doing.
Load More Replies...
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