It’s no secret that more and more people are choosing to live childfree. If you’re new to the topic and would like to find out why exactly people make such a seemingly unusual decision, and what they think of it when they’re 50 and older, read our articles here and here.
This story comes from a 48-year-old mother to a 23-year-old daughter who “decided to remain childfree for multiple reasons.” Instead, the daughter “has a blue-tongued skink who she heavily adores” wrote mom in a recent post on r/AITA that amassed 18.5k upvotes. The family drama started after mom “got a text asking if I’d come to her gender reveal party she was having.” And it turns out, she was less than excited with the invitation.
Read the full story right below, to find out if the mom came (spoilers: she didn’t see the point!) and be sure to check out what the people in the community had to comment about the whole incident.
Image credits: JoshBerglund19 (not the actual photo)
Then, mom added a couple of pieces of background info ‘to clear things up’
But it seemed like many weren’t supportive of mom’s decision to not come and said she was an A-hole
Daughter- gives long list of legitimate reasons for not wanting a child. Mother- you just haven't found the right man. Seriously?!
That's the bit I find most disturbing - she says her daughter is asexual but clearly doesn't respect her identity. The mother is totally the asshole here.
Load More Replies...Yep. Mom seems like lacks a sense of humor. When I read the title, I was thinking, "Is this a little kid? That seems pretty strange for an adult." Then I read the post. "Hmm. It's an adult. Oh, they totally are doing this as a joke! It's just fun silliness. What the heck is Mom's problem?" She was told it was a joke and then unilaterally decided to turn it into something serious. I don't see how she could not have known this would dredge up these past issues. I suspect she was looking for conflict and she got it. So, yeah, pretty sure she would've ruined the party if she had gone.
Load More Replies...It seems like the mom is not respecting the child free decision. The party isn't about the lizard and it isn't about the lack of a human baby, yet that's all the mom seems to be focused on. The mother and daughter are on two completely different wavelengths.
"I don't agree with her decision to be childfree, but I was fully supportive and only expressed mild frustration". She managed to contradict herself twice in one sentence. She also dug herself deeper with each new point of her edits. She is dismissive of her daughter's reasons to be childfree and evidently judges her for this decision. She's an asshole, and not because of a lizard at all.
A mother who would rather see her daughter go through 4 miscarriages than go to a get-together with a silly name?
If it actually had been a gender reveal for a lizard that would have been silly. But the daughter made it very clear that the title was a joke and it was a get together for people she wanted to spend time with. It's not like her mother misunderstood that - she knew it was really just a playful excuse for spending time with people and she insisted she was too busy and it was silly. Spending time with your daughter is silly? Wow. She then made it clear she doesn't respect her daughter's sexuality (she 'claims' to be asexual, she just 'hasn't met the right man yet) and I'm not sure why she even thinks she needs to 'agree' with her daughter's decision not to have children. How is the reproductive decision of a competent adult anyone else's business? You might as well say oh I don't agree with the sun rising in the east. Well, it's going to happen anyway and your decision has no bearing on it so you need to get used to it. If you want more kids, have them yourself.
Even if it had been silly, the mother should have gone to the party. When you love someone, you show respect for what they care about even if you can't relate (unless you have reason to object).
Load More Replies...One of my coworkers is happy to the moon and back to be a grandpa to his son and daughter in law's pygmy pigs, he calls them his grand-oinks
Load More Replies...I was withholding judgement because I couldn't tell exactly how seriously the daughter was taking the gender reveal thing, but as soon as the mother said her daughter "claims to be asexual" she was obviously YTA. People are, for the most part, willing to trust allosexual people (people who experience sexual attraction) to define their sexuality based on their past behavior and current desires, but they ignore when asexual people use the exact same data set to do the same thing. It is infantilizing and ridiculous.
Also childfree and somewhere along the grey spectrum, my dad asked me how my lizards were this morning. Then he told me the mollies in the fish tank have had like 20 babies, so we were pointing out the different colors and the ones we like. I wish the poster on AITA had *that* experience.
Maybe the daughter doesn’t want to have children because her mother is a jerk and is afraid if she has children, she will turn into her mother.
I think it's more than that, but I like the nice little burn - you deserve extra marshmallows ;)
Load More Replies...In both cases, for a child or a pet, it's just a reason to have a gathering, no one really cares about other people's babies or pets genitals but it's a bit of fun. As long as there's no environmental damage/littering of public places it's fine. That said, yes the mum is a total asshole, making up a very flimsy excuse as she can't be arsed to even pay a visit to her daughter.
A gender reveal party for a lizard is a bit silly but it was meant to be 😂 the OP really should respect her daughter for being asexual though, its her daughters choice to have children or not, not hers. Id love lizard children or grandchildren! 🦎
Refused a nice chill visit with her kid because she didn’t have a human baby? But thinks she’s being supportive of her not wanting kids? Uhuh. I’ll come to your lizard party!
Wow, that mother is definitely the TA here - she does not respect her daughter's decision to remain childfree in any way. She does not accept her daughter's asexuality, she does not take her fears seriously and, most of all, she does not understand that this is a decision only her daughter can make. She has no right at all to show frustration about this, mild or otherwise! Not coming to her party is just the cherry on the cake - your daughter wants to spend time with you and you call it silly? That being said, I would rather attend a gender reveal party for a lizard than for a human baby. The sex of the baby will be revealed any time you change the diaper, no big mystery about that! Next time, uninvite Mom and invite me instead - I'll even bring some snack locusts for the lizard...
I wouldn't go to a gender reveal party for a lizard either, unless it was someone I knew possessed an absurd sense of humor. And I do get the impression there's enough tension in the mother-daughter relationship that they don't share a lot of jokes. Neither is TA but IMHO they're both getting on each other's nerves and ought make some effot to stop, the mother doesn't approve of the daughter's choices and the daughter actually said "... and you don't respect my bond with the lizard".
Her mother completely invalidates her sexual identity and doesn't approve of her VERY legitimate reasons not to have children?! Wow just wow. I hate this "mother" so much. She is so stupid. And why does she want her daughter to have children so bad?
people who invalidate aro/ace identities are assholes. we exist, you know!! or maybe you dont 🤔
I'm asexual. All that "You just haven't found the right person yet." crap is infuriating. I actually HAVE found the right person. He's me.
YTA. I'm sorry for her five losses--there are no words for that. It's okay to grieve them. It's okay to (privately) grieve the "loss" of the potential to have grandchildren. If she feels like she needed to "get" grandchildren to make up for the children she lost, she needs to work through that appropriately with a therapist and heal. It's just not okay to take all of that out on her daughter.
First off she isnt respecting her child's choices. shes just claiming she is. She says "i respect her choice" but goes on to says her reasons are an "exaggeration" (esentially saying her fears of pregnacy/pregancy issues/n child loss are exagerations) and saying her being ace is "she just hasnt found a man yet" Further more her daughter made it clear the gender reveal was for lolz. And she initially claimed to be busy as a reason to not come only to turn around n say she never would of come. (So basically she lied) this is s**t parenting and shes been nothing but kind to inviting her to hang with her friends (most childern dont do that) really ungreatful lady
I'm asexual, and if I'd get ten bucks each time somebody said I haven't met the right person yet, I'd be a millionaire by now. It's insulting, it's dehumanizing me as a person, as if it's just a phase. It's not. A mom not being supportive is soul crushing
YTA. 1: Your daughter just wanted to see you. She told you not once, but TWICE that the gathering was not for her pet lizard. Rather, it was a way of bringing the people she cares about together. 2: You totally invalidated your daughter's sexuality. 3: You say you respect her choice to not have children, and yet you later contradict that statement in another paragraph by saying her reasons for not wanting to have children are ridiculous. You also state that you feel as though your daughter is exaggerating her fears of childbirth. Clearly you don't understand what bodily autonomy is. It's not up to you to decide what your child's body goes through. IT'S YOUR CHILD'S DECISION AS TO WHAT HAPPENS TO THEIR BODY!
Wow, the real problem here is "she claims to be asexual" and "she just hasn't found found right man" and this woman's blatant disrespect and disregard for her daughter. She should be uninvited from the rest of her daughter's life.
Yes dear mother, YTA, absolutely. When your daughter was a little girl and brought home some crayon drawings, did you refuse to look at them and dismiss them as not worthy of your time? If the lizard/cat/dog/bird is important to her, why would you give a damn? If you don't like her pet, who really gives a s**t, because this was not about the pet. The real point is she cared enough about you to invite you to a party, with her friends, so she could relate to you. Unfortunately, you have "issues" and are far too important to be bothered with a party, because it could reveal that you somehow support her emotionally. If you had any real class and love, you would have showed up and given her a ribbon tied in a bow for the stupid lizard and laughed about it. Looking forward, when you are on your deathbed, will your position be that you were just too busy to spend time on stupid stuff with your daughter, and have no regrets? Good luck with that. https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-conten who-invite...9979a1.jpg
My aunt is a mother figure to me and my sister. Counting us nieces she has 4 daughters all over the age of 30. Only one of us has kids. Two of us don't want kids. Not once has she pressured, poked, or told us we'll change our minds. No she's said that she accepts our choice and her two grandbabies are enough.
i was on the fence until the edits. this isnt about the lizard, this is about the mom not respecting her daughter's life choices and invalidating her sexuality.
Hey, Joyless Lady! Remember this when you're in the home, wondering why your daughter doesn't visit.
It’s not about the reptile, it’s not about child free it’s about spending time with your kid supporting what they find important. I don’t give a rats ass how old my kids are, or what they want to celebrate, as long as it’s good clean fun I’m invited to, I’m going to go support them.
I would go to a gender reveal party for a lizard. Also, she said it was a Skink, which isn’t that an amphibian, not a reptile?
Honestly, I think it’s a good thing this incident happened. It brought a lot of mom’s underlying unsaid b******t to the surface to give them a chance to deal with it.
“Oh, honey, I totally support your decision to be child free, except I really really don’t and you better fix me a grandchild stat. I’ll just give you badly hidden hints and passive aggressive insults until you get your head right and spawn, ok? Ok.”
NTA she didn't wanted to go to an event she was invited to. It's her freaking choice. But I did find funny that she thinks her 23 years old daughter should have had kids. Im 32 single and happily childless.
She said it wasn't a gender reveal its obvious she was just making a joke and she's right to be upset because her mother her only parent didn't come to see her or spend time with her, also you having an issue with her decision to remain child free is your problem to resolve with yourself not hers, also do you no if she can even have children maybe she can't how would you feel then still mildly irritated? I can't have children and I never wanted children till I had a miscarriage which horrifically scared me mentally and emotionally after that all I wanted was a child and then I found out naturally that's impossible, also she is 23 it's not like she's going to infertile in a year she could very well change her mind, you yourself carry a gene that could result in your daughter having miscarriages, a baby born that could tragically die and she's decided that emotionally she couldn't cope with that yet you want her to suffer horrendous heartbreaks that willmentally and emotionally cause.
Her significant amounts of trauma for your satisfaction. It was never a gender reveal party for a lizard it was your daughter asking to see her mother she hadn't seen for a while but your to bloody minded to see that. She probably does have an emotional bond with her lizard I do very much so for all my pets and in some ways they are like children that never grow up they depend souly on you as a child would, Even reptiles have been known to for strong connections they want you to love them, care for them ensure they have shelter food warmth as would a child. I cannot believe that you could not see past the joke of the gender reveal party and see what it was actually about and for I feel really really sorry for your daughter even if it wasn't a joke why wouldn't you go to support your child regardless of your selfish self absorbed opinion people have birthday parties for pets I would suggest during this holiday season apologising and write to Santa see if he can bring you a sense of humo
Load More Replies...That fact that OP said "she claims to be Asexual" says it all. The mother isn't supportive of anything her daughter is doing or who her daughter is in general. This is the same energy I get from my mother because I am not having kids. However, I literally, physically cannot have kids and my mother still won't stop asking me when I'm going to have kids... I had a full hysterectomy dude. It's impossible. If anything I would like to become a foster parent but I don't see myself doing that for a long time as I am currently pretty happy and my husband and I are about to buy a new house and move back to Louisiana and start up a new business. But she doesn't support any of this... so much so that she doesn't even accept that I can't have kids and won't stop asking. So I completely empathize with the daughter. Some women can't understand not having kids because it's the only thing they have and being a mother makes up 100% of their identity n it's f****d up to project that only your kids.
"Claims she's asexual" massive red flag and let's face it a gender reveal for a lizard is funny I'm shocked that she wanted to see the mother after she is being such a *female dog*
boooo you dont want to do things for your dauter then never talk again thats her lizerd that she love you should be supporave rather a gender reavil for a lizerd or just a party that is a ass***e
If you lose three children and bury the fourth one, one would think you appreciate the one still living abbit more. But you are too busy and important to go over to see your daughter. Best example for not every person has to be a parent!
I think it's about time that daughter started cutting out toxicity..... That mom is ridiculous!
Am I the only one who would be more interested to go to a gender reveal party for a lizard than for a human baby? I mean, it's original, unique, definitely not been done before, and more of a big deal because, at least in this case, without a trip to the vets it is a genuine mystery as to what gender the lizard actually is.
Often, it's these little and subtle things parents can easily dismiss and not realize it might be something meaningful. Had the mom went to her daughter' lizard party and even had she accepted the lizard even if it was a joke, that is love which goes beyond labels. I was sad to read the clarifications she made, it proved she really wanted a grand-daughter- and that it's seemed to her an 'in your face' substitute for lizard.. i'm picking up on a lot of unsurfaced trauma or sadness that hasn't been released. It's a lil more saddening to know the daughter wanted to spend time with her mom and it's really a sweet, goofy invitation for some true quality time among humans- and animal. I love that her daughter is so animal-friendly and nature-loving despite her reasons for child-free. And I really hope the bond will be mended and grow stronger between mom and daughter because, maybe it's not about the lizard at all but there's something wholesome about wanting to nurture. No matter what, just the compassion shown. Best wishes to them from across the screen 💕
as much as it saddens a parent as a grown adult she can live her life the way she wants. as far as the party if she wanted to catch up with mom, then do it together not with a bunch of other people.
This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my life! Let me get this straight: A woman was having a mock gender reveal party for their lizard. The mother didn't want to go. The daughter became upset. It all blew out to be some sort of family drama about people wanting offspring or not and then turned into some sort of catastrophic event over something that had nothing to do with the original situation and then was nuked with a sexual orientation debate? I swear to whatever, this is the biggest 'Storm in a tea-cup' I have ever heard!!! If a family cannot deal with this then they need some serious ability to look at what is happening in the real world. What a load of self-indulgent codswallop! I also question the validity of this. It's just so ridiculous and keeps getting worse with every edit. What a load of wank.
My daughter doesn’t want kids and I’m totally fine with that. I get a kick out of having a cat as a furry grandchild replacement anyway :)
No wonder she wants to be child free, with a mom like you i would get my tubes tied at the age of 10
Next time, please let me join the party on behalf of TA. Sounds like the daughter has a good sense of humor.
Maybe mom should have her own party with her own title and not try to run over everyone else's fun. Have I gone to a dog's birthday party? Yep. And that dog's funeral too. It was about the people involved and showing you care about them.
S**t grandma. At least no one will burn half of California at this party
-Invalidated and Disrespected Daughter’s Identity. -Disrespected her relationship with her pet. —Told daughter she was “too busy” to go and see her for a small get together because it had a “silly name”. -Doesn’t support Daughter’s VALID and LEGITIMATE reasons as to why she doesn’t want children and is being Passive-Aggressive and Petty about it. I’m surprised the daughter is still talking to her. I wouldn’t be.
The only good takeaway here is that people like her are dying out
NTA. Skink private parts aside, she didn’t want to go to the party. Big deal. Not every party is for your parents to go to. I love animals and hate kids but I wouldn’t want to go to that party either. Too busy and it just seems like some gratingly “quirky!” trope.
It's ok she didn't go to the party. What wasn't okay was when she criticized every reason her daughter had to no want kids, and then said her daughter hadn't "found the right man yet".
Load More Replies...Get over yourself mom. I've never looked for gender on a lizard. I can usually tell by those stupid bows they put on babies heads wrapped around the females. This is dumb. Your daughter doesn't have to produce anything. I don't think grandma wouldnt have a lot to say once a baby showed up.
YTA, and an idiot. It was never about the lizard... it was HER MISSING HER MOM! She shouldn't have to spell that out for you, and if she doesn't want, or isn't ready for a human child, you don't get to throw that in her face. When something is important to your child, it's by default "important " to you... when you're a good/supportive parent anyway.
I get its not really about the lizard, but that doesn't mean she has to go. Like, really its: I didn't go to my daughters get-together, AITA? Its not that big a deal not to go. Clearly the Mom's weirded out by the whole gender reveal thing but its whatever, she doesn't have to go anyone's party.
Lots of parents go to things that they don't want to, part of what you do when you love someone especially kids
Load More Replies...Right. Every mother should have to attend their dumb daugther's ridiculous lizzard gender reveal parties... So their 23 year old babies won't have a toddler tantrum.. *eyeroll* Why not? Not stupid at all (sarcasm) Good for the mom not giving a f**k for her daughther's crap. What was 23 y.o. expecting? A participation thropy? Uff. NTA
Aaaand this is where I delete my bored panda account. Y'all are all insane, picking a LIZARD over the mom's concern for her TWENTY-THREE year old daughter.
It wasn't really about the lizard though, it was a small party to catch up with people. The gender reveal title was just a bit of fun.
Load More Replies...You didn't read the article, did you? The gender reveal was a joke, the daughter said it was a joke upfront, the mother acknowledges she knew it was a joke. She just doesn't want to spend time with her asexual daughter unless it involves actual grandchildren.
Load More Replies...Daughter- gives long list of legitimate reasons for not wanting a child. Mother- you just haven't found the right man. Seriously?!
That's the bit I find most disturbing - she says her daughter is asexual but clearly doesn't respect her identity. The mother is totally the asshole here.
Load More Replies...Yep. Mom seems like lacks a sense of humor. When I read the title, I was thinking, "Is this a little kid? That seems pretty strange for an adult." Then I read the post. "Hmm. It's an adult. Oh, they totally are doing this as a joke! It's just fun silliness. What the heck is Mom's problem?" She was told it was a joke and then unilaterally decided to turn it into something serious. I don't see how she could not have known this would dredge up these past issues. I suspect she was looking for conflict and she got it. So, yeah, pretty sure she would've ruined the party if she had gone.
Load More Replies...It seems like the mom is not respecting the child free decision. The party isn't about the lizard and it isn't about the lack of a human baby, yet that's all the mom seems to be focused on. The mother and daughter are on two completely different wavelengths.
"I don't agree with her decision to be childfree, but I was fully supportive and only expressed mild frustration". She managed to contradict herself twice in one sentence. She also dug herself deeper with each new point of her edits. She is dismissive of her daughter's reasons to be childfree and evidently judges her for this decision. She's an asshole, and not because of a lizard at all.
A mother who would rather see her daughter go through 4 miscarriages than go to a get-together with a silly name?
If it actually had been a gender reveal for a lizard that would have been silly. But the daughter made it very clear that the title was a joke and it was a get together for people she wanted to spend time with. It's not like her mother misunderstood that - she knew it was really just a playful excuse for spending time with people and she insisted she was too busy and it was silly. Spending time with your daughter is silly? Wow. She then made it clear she doesn't respect her daughter's sexuality (she 'claims' to be asexual, she just 'hasn't met the right man yet) and I'm not sure why she even thinks she needs to 'agree' with her daughter's decision not to have children. How is the reproductive decision of a competent adult anyone else's business? You might as well say oh I don't agree with the sun rising in the east. Well, it's going to happen anyway and your decision has no bearing on it so you need to get used to it. If you want more kids, have them yourself.
Even if it had been silly, the mother should have gone to the party. When you love someone, you show respect for what they care about even if you can't relate (unless you have reason to object).
Load More Replies...One of my coworkers is happy to the moon and back to be a grandpa to his son and daughter in law's pygmy pigs, he calls them his grand-oinks
Load More Replies...I was withholding judgement because I couldn't tell exactly how seriously the daughter was taking the gender reveal thing, but as soon as the mother said her daughter "claims to be asexual" she was obviously YTA. People are, for the most part, willing to trust allosexual people (people who experience sexual attraction) to define their sexuality based on their past behavior and current desires, but they ignore when asexual people use the exact same data set to do the same thing. It is infantilizing and ridiculous.
Also childfree and somewhere along the grey spectrum, my dad asked me how my lizards were this morning. Then he told me the mollies in the fish tank have had like 20 babies, so we were pointing out the different colors and the ones we like. I wish the poster on AITA had *that* experience.
Maybe the daughter doesn’t want to have children because her mother is a jerk and is afraid if she has children, she will turn into her mother.
I think it's more than that, but I like the nice little burn - you deserve extra marshmallows ;)
Load More Replies...In both cases, for a child or a pet, it's just a reason to have a gathering, no one really cares about other people's babies or pets genitals but it's a bit of fun. As long as there's no environmental damage/littering of public places it's fine. That said, yes the mum is a total asshole, making up a very flimsy excuse as she can't be arsed to even pay a visit to her daughter.
A gender reveal party for a lizard is a bit silly but it was meant to be 😂 the OP really should respect her daughter for being asexual though, its her daughters choice to have children or not, not hers. Id love lizard children or grandchildren! 🦎
Refused a nice chill visit with her kid because she didn’t have a human baby? But thinks she’s being supportive of her not wanting kids? Uhuh. I’ll come to your lizard party!
Wow, that mother is definitely the TA here - she does not respect her daughter's decision to remain childfree in any way. She does not accept her daughter's asexuality, she does not take her fears seriously and, most of all, she does not understand that this is a decision only her daughter can make. She has no right at all to show frustration about this, mild or otherwise! Not coming to her party is just the cherry on the cake - your daughter wants to spend time with you and you call it silly? That being said, I would rather attend a gender reveal party for a lizard than for a human baby. The sex of the baby will be revealed any time you change the diaper, no big mystery about that! Next time, uninvite Mom and invite me instead - I'll even bring some snack locusts for the lizard...
I wouldn't go to a gender reveal party for a lizard either, unless it was someone I knew possessed an absurd sense of humor. And I do get the impression there's enough tension in the mother-daughter relationship that they don't share a lot of jokes. Neither is TA but IMHO they're both getting on each other's nerves and ought make some effot to stop, the mother doesn't approve of the daughter's choices and the daughter actually said "... and you don't respect my bond with the lizard".
Her mother completely invalidates her sexual identity and doesn't approve of her VERY legitimate reasons not to have children?! Wow just wow. I hate this "mother" so much. She is so stupid. And why does she want her daughter to have children so bad?
people who invalidate aro/ace identities are assholes. we exist, you know!! or maybe you dont 🤔
I'm asexual. All that "You just haven't found the right person yet." crap is infuriating. I actually HAVE found the right person. He's me.
YTA. I'm sorry for her five losses--there are no words for that. It's okay to grieve them. It's okay to (privately) grieve the "loss" of the potential to have grandchildren. If she feels like she needed to "get" grandchildren to make up for the children she lost, she needs to work through that appropriately with a therapist and heal. It's just not okay to take all of that out on her daughter.
First off she isnt respecting her child's choices. shes just claiming she is. She says "i respect her choice" but goes on to says her reasons are an "exaggeration" (esentially saying her fears of pregnacy/pregancy issues/n child loss are exagerations) and saying her being ace is "she just hasnt found a man yet" Further more her daughter made it clear the gender reveal was for lolz. And she initially claimed to be busy as a reason to not come only to turn around n say she never would of come. (So basically she lied) this is s**t parenting and shes been nothing but kind to inviting her to hang with her friends (most childern dont do that) really ungreatful lady
I'm asexual, and if I'd get ten bucks each time somebody said I haven't met the right person yet, I'd be a millionaire by now. It's insulting, it's dehumanizing me as a person, as if it's just a phase. It's not. A mom not being supportive is soul crushing
YTA. 1: Your daughter just wanted to see you. She told you not once, but TWICE that the gathering was not for her pet lizard. Rather, it was a way of bringing the people she cares about together. 2: You totally invalidated your daughter's sexuality. 3: You say you respect her choice to not have children, and yet you later contradict that statement in another paragraph by saying her reasons for not wanting to have children are ridiculous. You also state that you feel as though your daughter is exaggerating her fears of childbirth. Clearly you don't understand what bodily autonomy is. It's not up to you to decide what your child's body goes through. IT'S YOUR CHILD'S DECISION AS TO WHAT HAPPENS TO THEIR BODY!
Wow, the real problem here is "she claims to be asexual" and "she just hasn't found found right man" and this woman's blatant disrespect and disregard for her daughter. She should be uninvited from the rest of her daughter's life.
Yes dear mother, YTA, absolutely. When your daughter was a little girl and brought home some crayon drawings, did you refuse to look at them and dismiss them as not worthy of your time? If the lizard/cat/dog/bird is important to her, why would you give a damn? If you don't like her pet, who really gives a s**t, because this was not about the pet. The real point is she cared enough about you to invite you to a party, with her friends, so she could relate to you. Unfortunately, you have "issues" and are far too important to be bothered with a party, because it could reveal that you somehow support her emotionally. If you had any real class and love, you would have showed up and given her a ribbon tied in a bow for the stupid lizard and laughed about it. Looking forward, when you are on your deathbed, will your position be that you were just too busy to spend time on stupid stuff with your daughter, and have no regrets? Good luck with that. https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-conten who-invite...9979a1.jpg
My aunt is a mother figure to me and my sister. Counting us nieces she has 4 daughters all over the age of 30. Only one of us has kids. Two of us don't want kids. Not once has she pressured, poked, or told us we'll change our minds. No she's said that she accepts our choice and her two grandbabies are enough.
i was on the fence until the edits. this isnt about the lizard, this is about the mom not respecting her daughter's life choices and invalidating her sexuality.
Hey, Joyless Lady! Remember this when you're in the home, wondering why your daughter doesn't visit.
It’s not about the reptile, it’s not about child free it’s about spending time with your kid supporting what they find important. I don’t give a rats ass how old my kids are, or what they want to celebrate, as long as it’s good clean fun I’m invited to, I’m going to go support them.
I would go to a gender reveal party for a lizard. Also, she said it was a Skink, which isn’t that an amphibian, not a reptile?
Honestly, I think it’s a good thing this incident happened. It brought a lot of mom’s underlying unsaid b******t to the surface to give them a chance to deal with it.
“Oh, honey, I totally support your decision to be child free, except I really really don’t and you better fix me a grandchild stat. I’ll just give you badly hidden hints and passive aggressive insults until you get your head right and spawn, ok? Ok.”
NTA she didn't wanted to go to an event she was invited to. It's her freaking choice. But I did find funny that she thinks her 23 years old daughter should have had kids. Im 32 single and happily childless.
She said it wasn't a gender reveal its obvious she was just making a joke and she's right to be upset because her mother her only parent didn't come to see her or spend time with her, also you having an issue with her decision to remain child free is your problem to resolve with yourself not hers, also do you no if she can even have children maybe she can't how would you feel then still mildly irritated? I can't have children and I never wanted children till I had a miscarriage which horrifically scared me mentally and emotionally after that all I wanted was a child and then I found out naturally that's impossible, also she is 23 it's not like she's going to infertile in a year she could very well change her mind, you yourself carry a gene that could result in your daughter having miscarriages, a baby born that could tragically die and she's decided that emotionally she couldn't cope with that yet you want her to suffer horrendous heartbreaks that willmentally and emotionally cause.
Her significant amounts of trauma for your satisfaction. It was never a gender reveal party for a lizard it was your daughter asking to see her mother she hadn't seen for a while but your to bloody minded to see that. She probably does have an emotional bond with her lizard I do very much so for all my pets and in some ways they are like children that never grow up they depend souly on you as a child would, Even reptiles have been known to for strong connections they want you to love them, care for them ensure they have shelter food warmth as would a child. I cannot believe that you could not see past the joke of the gender reveal party and see what it was actually about and for I feel really really sorry for your daughter even if it wasn't a joke why wouldn't you go to support your child regardless of your selfish self absorbed opinion people have birthday parties for pets I would suggest during this holiday season apologising and write to Santa see if he can bring you a sense of humo
Load More Replies...That fact that OP said "she claims to be Asexual" says it all. The mother isn't supportive of anything her daughter is doing or who her daughter is in general. This is the same energy I get from my mother because I am not having kids. However, I literally, physically cannot have kids and my mother still won't stop asking me when I'm going to have kids... I had a full hysterectomy dude. It's impossible. If anything I would like to become a foster parent but I don't see myself doing that for a long time as I am currently pretty happy and my husband and I are about to buy a new house and move back to Louisiana and start up a new business. But she doesn't support any of this... so much so that she doesn't even accept that I can't have kids and won't stop asking. So I completely empathize with the daughter. Some women can't understand not having kids because it's the only thing they have and being a mother makes up 100% of their identity n it's f****d up to project that only your kids.
"Claims she's asexual" massive red flag and let's face it a gender reveal for a lizard is funny I'm shocked that she wanted to see the mother after she is being such a *female dog*
boooo you dont want to do things for your dauter then never talk again thats her lizerd that she love you should be supporave rather a gender reavil for a lizerd or just a party that is a ass***e
If you lose three children and bury the fourth one, one would think you appreciate the one still living abbit more. But you are too busy and important to go over to see your daughter. Best example for not every person has to be a parent!
I think it's about time that daughter started cutting out toxicity..... That mom is ridiculous!
Am I the only one who would be more interested to go to a gender reveal party for a lizard than for a human baby? I mean, it's original, unique, definitely not been done before, and more of a big deal because, at least in this case, without a trip to the vets it is a genuine mystery as to what gender the lizard actually is.
Often, it's these little and subtle things parents can easily dismiss and not realize it might be something meaningful. Had the mom went to her daughter' lizard party and even had she accepted the lizard even if it was a joke, that is love which goes beyond labels. I was sad to read the clarifications she made, it proved she really wanted a grand-daughter- and that it's seemed to her an 'in your face' substitute for lizard.. i'm picking up on a lot of unsurfaced trauma or sadness that hasn't been released. It's a lil more saddening to know the daughter wanted to spend time with her mom and it's really a sweet, goofy invitation for some true quality time among humans- and animal. I love that her daughter is so animal-friendly and nature-loving despite her reasons for child-free. And I really hope the bond will be mended and grow stronger between mom and daughter because, maybe it's not about the lizard at all but there's something wholesome about wanting to nurture. No matter what, just the compassion shown. Best wishes to them from across the screen 💕
as much as it saddens a parent as a grown adult she can live her life the way she wants. as far as the party if she wanted to catch up with mom, then do it together not with a bunch of other people.
This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my life! Let me get this straight: A woman was having a mock gender reveal party for their lizard. The mother didn't want to go. The daughter became upset. It all blew out to be some sort of family drama about people wanting offspring or not and then turned into some sort of catastrophic event over something that had nothing to do with the original situation and then was nuked with a sexual orientation debate? I swear to whatever, this is the biggest 'Storm in a tea-cup' I have ever heard!!! If a family cannot deal with this then they need some serious ability to look at what is happening in the real world. What a load of self-indulgent codswallop! I also question the validity of this. It's just so ridiculous and keeps getting worse with every edit. What a load of wank.
My daughter doesn’t want kids and I’m totally fine with that. I get a kick out of having a cat as a furry grandchild replacement anyway :)
No wonder she wants to be child free, with a mom like you i would get my tubes tied at the age of 10
Next time, please let me join the party on behalf of TA. Sounds like the daughter has a good sense of humor.
Maybe mom should have her own party with her own title and not try to run over everyone else's fun. Have I gone to a dog's birthday party? Yep. And that dog's funeral too. It was about the people involved and showing you care about them.
S**t grandma. At least no one will burn half of California at this party
-Invalidated and Disrespected Daughter’s Identity. -Disrespected her relationship with her pet. —Told daughter she was “too busy” to go and see her for a small get together because it had a “silly name”. -Doesn’t support Daughter’s VALID and LEGITIMATE reasons as to why she doesn’t want children and is being Passive-Aggressive and Petty about it. I’m surprised the daughter is still talking to her. I wouldn’t be.
The only good takeaway here is that people like her are dying out
NTA. Skink private parts aside, she didn’t want to go to the party. Big deal. Not every party is for your parents to go to. I love animals and hate kids but I wouldn’t want to go to that party either. Too busy and it just seems like some gratingly “quirky!” trope.
It's ok she didn't go to the party. What wasn't okay was when she criticized every reason her daughter had to no want kids, and then said her daughter hadn't "found the right man yet".
Load More Replies...Get over yourself mom. I've never looked for gender on a lizard. I can usually tell by those stupid bows they put on babies heads wrapped around the females. This is dumb. Your daughter doesn't have to produce anything. I don't think grandma wouldnt have a lot to say once a baby showed up.
YTA, and an idiot. It was never about the lizard... it was HER MISSING HER MOM! She shouldn't have to spell that out for you, and if she doesn't want, or isn't ready for a human child, you don't get to throw that in her face. When something is important to your child, it's by default "important " to you... when you're a good/supportive parent anyway.
I get its not really about the lizard, but that doesn't mean she has to go. Like, really its: I didn't go to my daughters get-together, AITA? Its not that big a deal not to go. Clearly the Mom's weirded out by the whole gender reveal thing but its whatever, she doesn't have to go anyone's party.
Lots of parents go to things that they don't want to, part of what you do when you love someone especially kids
Load More Replies...Right. Every mother should have to attend their dumb daugther's ridiculous lizzard gender reveal parties... So their 23 year old babies won't have a toddler tantrum.. *eyeroll* Why not? Not stupid at all (sarcasm) Good for the mom not giving a f**k for her daughther's crap. What was 23 y.o. expecting? A participation thropy? Uff. NTA
Aaaand this is where I delete my bored panda account. Y'all are all insane, picking a LIZARD over the mom's concern for her TWENTY-THREE year old daughter.
It wasn't really about the lizard though, it was a small party to catch up with people. The gender reveal title was just a bit of fun.
Load More Replies...You didn't read the article, did you? The gender reveal was a joke, the daughter said it was a joke upfront, the mother acknowledges she knew it was a joke. She just doesn't want to spend time with her asexual daughter unless it involves actual grandchildren.
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