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Misogyny is all around us. But as writer Nina Renata Aron pointed out in The New York Times, the word, which conventionally means hatred of women and was once a radical accusation has become like a synonym to the gentler "sexism" and "chauvinism" in popular use, and with the term's popularity comes a better understanding of what it encompasses.
And one Reddit user found a way to illustrate it. On Friday, u/horridhollowhead made a post on the subreddit r/AskWomen saying, "What is some internalized misogyny you have to continuously remind yourself to unlearn?" And many ladies came through with their experiences and realizations. From the language they use to the way they look at themselves, here are some of the things that stood out in the comments.
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#1
Sayin « son of a b**ch » to insult a guy. Like seriously if i want to hurt him why I’m insulting his mother
If i say « bastard » well it means that his mom cheated on his father
Crazy how so much slurs are related to women
Have to stop sayin that
Big Blue Cat 4 years ago
A-hole is fine, it's inclusive and won't insult any group of people, because we all have one
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Helena Houzarová 4 years ago
Bastard just means that the parents were unmarried. No-one needed to cheat on anyone. Although still not the child's fault.
Daria B 4 years ago (edited)
We're all shocked by this realisation, but do we realise we're so self-righteously insulting "parents" whenever a child misbehaves? I think these types of insults originate from a time when we humans were more family/community oriented. A mentality which is still pretty much ingrained into our hearts and minds because of our very nature. This is not bad neither good in itself, just a thing to think about. (Btw, I don't use this insult myself, I prefer anything poop related)
Requiem 4 years ago
WE ARENT, According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the term bitch comes from the Old English word bicce or bicge, meaning "female dog", which dates to around 1000 CE. It may have derived from the earlier Old Norse word bikkja, also meaning "female dog".[6][7] "Dog" has long been used as an insult toward both women and men. In ancient Greece, dog was often used in a derogatory sense to refer to someone whose behavior was improper or transgressive.
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Philip Obermarck 4 years ago
By calling someone, anyone, a "son of a b*tch" you are calling them a dog. No more or less. You are simply stating that they are less than human. This does not intended to insult their mother, merely to be a thought provoking way of saying "you animal"
Requiem 4 years ago
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the term bitch comes from the Old English word bicce or bicge, meaning "female dog", which dates to around 1000 CE. It may have derived from the earlier Old Norse word bikkja, also meaning "female dog".[6][7] "Dog" has long been used as an insult toward both women and men. In ancient Greece, dog was often used in a derogatory sense to refer to someone whose behavior was improper or transgressive.
Rob Dabank 4 years ago
That second one doesn't mean his mum cheated on his father. It means "a person born of unmarried parents". Interestingly the second definition from the dictionary website I got that from was "a person, especially a man"!
RELATED:
#2
Assuming prestigious positions (judge, CEO, etc) are men before I know their gender. Caught myself doing it when my attorney referred to the judge who would be at our hearing as "her" and I was surprised.
It's scary how subtle it can be, and how it can pop up without you even realizing those things were internalized.
Anna Te 4 years ago
Also, listen to "Female murderers" at Parcast Podcast. In the intro they tell us "picture a murderer, a thief- did you picture a woman?". Interesting, how perception is at work.
More Thinking Needed 4 years ago
Worldwide, 95% of murders are done by men.
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Vicky Z 4 years ago (edited)
Try to Google professions that have no gender in English, in a totally different language and you will be depressed! In languages that professions have different ending for men and women if you Google them, the translation decides the gender according to stereotypes!
Ellie Rosser 4 years ago
Well, it is a sad fact that more people in positions of power are men than women so your assumption is just a statistical likelihood, it does not mean you think the world SHOULD be this way, just that it usually is.
September Meadows 4 years ago
I always assume a woman, until I get some confirmation otherwise. That's upset many males through internet communication.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago (edited)
I'm guilty of this too. It's really strange. Even though I know there are many women in high positions, I automatically assume they are a man. Then, after I discover it's a woman, I feel quite ashamed of my assumption.
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
It's important to visualize underrepresented people in positions of authority. It's about representation. If people can't see themselves as leaders, they won't become leaders. It's a cyclical issue and changing our assumptions is one way to start to break those cycles.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
These things are about frequency, the fact is, due to patriarchy, women are still heavily under-represented in high positions, so yes, assuming male is statistically more likely in most scenarios. So far only a few countries have even managed to get gender balance in parliament - I think Iceland, Finland and Rwanda, if I recall correctly. https://www.ipu.org/our-impact/gender-equality
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
A female serial killer (Aileen Wournos) was a "big deal" and I was thinking, "Wow, you're all nuts. I've met female psychos. I'm related to one!"... (And she's still wanted last I knew. Murder, embezllement, fun stuff like that. Lovely person in a "someone get an exorcist" sort of way.)
Gin Marie 4 years ago
Those can be high paying jobs. Funny how MRAs don't like to mention that want ads were divided by gender till recently and women got the low-paying jobs. Attitudes persist, too. These jobs are male-dominated, so they keep women out
Load More Replies... #3
My knowledge isn’t less valuable or accurate than a man’s knowledge.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
If I think of the top five smartest people I know (multiple doctorates etc), two are men and three are women, so yes.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
I'll call it a 50-50 split on intelligence, rather than education level.
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L. Murphy 4 years ago
Yep. I had an ex who I now refer to as "The Grand Sphincter" whose overfed, elderly dog showed all the classic symptoms of diabetes. She was drinking a lot of water and had urinary issues. I told him she was obese and may have diabetes. He said I was not a vet, so how would I know? I worked at a vet clinic for 15 years. He went to a male vet who took one look at his fat loaf, and said they would run urine and blood tests for diabetes. I just turned to him and said, "Hey, I'm just a girl, what do I know?"
Daria B 4 years ago
Speaking in general, yes, absolutely. Agree. I just want to add, for the sake of fighting generalisations, his knowledge is only more valuable than mine, when his field of expertise and/or experience appears to be relevant to the subject matter, whereas mine isn't. Likewise, same is true when roles are reversed.
Gaby Almodovar 4 years ago
Yes, it's true... and what's your point? I'm paid as a male colleague would have been in my position.
#4
That sex is not something women give to men, but something BOTH parties (should) enjoy.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
In my opinion, a good sex life is essential for a strong relationship. And, in order for both parties to enjoy it, they need to communicate with each other. Saying that, I understand that this would probably not apply to asexuals.
Sky Render 4 years ago
As a decidedly not-asexual person married to an asexual, I can assure you that communication about sex is exceptionally important when your partner is asexual! Literally one of you has a need that the other does not, meaning that if you don't say anything, there will be tension...
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Veronica Sjöberg 4 years ago
When i was single i went on many dates and i would say its still very much standard to focus on the male perspective. Sure, some would (sort of) return the favor but only when asked. Some took it like some sort of insult too...
sophie mitchell 1 year ago
Sex is about sharing yourself with your partner. Its about being vulnerable and connecting
Sidra Badar 3 years ago
A year into marriage and I still feel that my husband controls our sex life
ZAPanda 4 years ago
this is very strongly internalised patriarchy. Google the sex strike incident/s. The idea is that you weaponise dispensing it as a way to get men to pay attention to their actions which are patriarchal. However, in effect, you reinforce the patriarchal idea that women "dispense" it.
Veronica Sjöberg 4 years ago
You are not wrong in what you are saying but i would say this is still a very actual issue. Some men are not aware of this though and i think its because of two reasons 1. They don't know how a womans body works 2. They just don't care because its not essential for male pleasure. Most likely a combo.
Load More Replies... #5
That my worth and existence as a woman isn't entirely decided by my appearance. That I don't need to achieve a standard of prettiness before I'm worthy of respect, love and self-confidence
That my value as a human being won't suddenly disappear the second I turn 30. Even though on average women spend 65 years of our lives as an adult, we're only considered "young enough" for 12 of them. For the remaining 53 years, or 82% of our adult lives, we're made to feel like old hags by society. It sucks
ZAPanda 4 years ago
whaaaaat? most people are only interesting after 30 and IMHO most women remain attractive well into their 50s. I'm late 40s and I look absolutely awful, people guess me to be a senior.
Lyone Fein 4 years ago
I'm feeling ya at 58. Lots of menopausal weight gain has meant learning to re-accept a new self image. . . But why? I keep asking myself. I'm still the brilliant, creative, funny me I always was.
Load More Replies... Gaby Almodovar 4 years ago
Are you serious????? In what f****d up country do you live? I'm in my mid 40s, and I wouldn't want to go back in my 20s.
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
Same!! I was sooooo happy to be out of my 20s.
Load More Replies... Daria B 4 years ago
Interestingly enough, these same folks can't really tell 20-year-olds and 30-year-olds apart.
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
Man, sometimes I can't tell the difference between me and my mother personality-wise, except the fact that my mother knows more. But I'm not 20 quite yet, and my mother's 4 years shy of 40.
Load More Replies... L. Murphy 4 years ago
Men can age, often not well, and look like a sack of wrinkled potatoes, but can STILL play the leading male role on film. Their love interest will often be someone who could be their daughter. Unless you are genetically gifted like Halle Berry or Sandra Bullock, women over 40, even when they look better than some of these men, are invisible or get traditional "grandma" roles.
Julie C Rose 4 years ago
And a lot of women spread it to other women. For me this was just like “oh, F**K OFF, I have enough insecurities already!” but a lot of women go around self flagellating about the fact that they’re not in their 20s anymore, and that ends up contributing to the general background noise saying “being 30 or older is bad!” It frustrates me a lot.
Patti Vance 4 years ago
yup- i get this thought sometimes. i'm 64, don't dye my hair and seldom wear makeup unless i feel like it. yet, in my head, i am still in my 30s and my self worth stock is up. but, sometimes i feel like others don't see that but only the grey in the hair and the limp due to arthritis....hence, an old fart and not worth noticing. also, the adage of men becoming 'distinguished' while women just get old.
Princess Jade 4 years ago
I once heard a guy who said I was a 5 who thinks she's an 8, like how dare I not diminish myself because he thinks I'm unattractive!
#6
I don't have to dye my greying hair if I don't want to. On the flip side, I can have it rainbow coloured if I feel like it.
GirlFriday 4 years ago
I am 48 and my hair is a mash of pink, purple, and blue over blonde. I am too old and too tired to care what others think of me. I like to express myself this way. I have horrible hair and if coloring it "unnatural" colors makes me happy, then so be it and anyone that doesn't like it is a complete melon. (I am not really sure about the "melon" insult. My SO's cousin recently visited us from Glasgow and it was something he used and I have adopted it as my own.)
Rens 4 years ago
My natural hair colour is a mix of dirty blonde and mousy grey with an occasional beautiful silver strand here and there. I dye my hair a dark violet, which I love. I will dye until I die!
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BorPand8 4 years ago
Depends. Some people have a nice steel-gray, some people have yellowish-gray. I think it depends a lot on the natural undertones of your hair. That's why your read about old ladies 'bluing' their hair -- they'd use a blue tone to counteract orangy tones in gray hair.
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MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
Why not. You don't have to bleach it first. I'm so going to revel in my freedoms.
Heather Menard 4 years ago
My attitude is I earned every gray hair on my head and it's a badge of honor to show it off.
My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
I used to bleach my hair in order to hide my dye resistant grey hair. I quit trying to hide what is natural (going grey) and have instead embraced my grey hair.
Annette Easton 4 years ago
I started going grey at 20. For quite a while I used semi-natural looking hair colouring to more or less enhance my natural colour. Then I decided that I could just have fun with it if I wanted to. Now my hair is always at least 2 colours, and most often one of them is blue or purple.
#7
It's OK to be outside with unshaven legs. It's hair. It's just hair
ShriSha Kamboj 4 years ago
yes......hair is not unhygienic....unless a doc tells me so.....n this is not sarcasm ///
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
As a woman with an MD, I can tell you the only reasons to shave (including the pubic region) would be lice. And then let your hair grow back, if you want. It's *hair*. We're related to chimpanzees. We're pretty hairless by comparison.
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Shine Caramia 4 years ago
Both my sister and I would get nasty ingrown hairs whenever we shaved. She got electrolysis. I stopped shaving. Nobody cares except for us.
Gaby Almodovar 4 years ago
It's okay, indeed. For me is gross the too-much-hair condition both on men and women, but this is just my personal preference. You don't have to act according to my personal preferences. So, for me, it's okay.
Nicole Poppinga 4 years ago
I think it just comes down to personal preference. Wanna shave because you like the look? Do it! You don't want to because you don't care, too much of a hassle, whatever else? Go for it! No one should be shamed for choosing to shave or choosing not to shave.
Patti Vance 4 years ago
not sure if i will ever get over this one but that may be due to the fact that in my younger years the hair on my legs was so thick i could weave 17 blankets
Gelato Cat 4 years ago
I tried shaving my legs once and I have decided never to do it again, i like the fuz
Ellen Ranks 4 years ago (edited)
Tell that to my younger self. I was bullied so much in high school over my leg hair that I got permission to do sports in long pants (my mom said I was too young to shave). Up to this day I shave my legs, am 55 now. I wish I could just leave it. Kudos for women who don't shave!
Matthew Fox 4 years ago
You shouldn't feel guilty or made to feel guilty if you enjoy shaving, either. I say this as a man who shaves everything below the neck other than my legs (mostly because of the time.) Like what you like.
#8
That I don't have to have a husband or kids to live a fulfilling existence. (Totally cool that some women do though!)
Melene Majlovic 4 years ago
And maybe call them childfree instead of childless?
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Ashlea Saunders 4 years ago
Can someone please tell this to doctors? I can't count the number of times I've been to a GP for a prescription for the pill (I've never had a "regular GP," I just go to whoever is available) and been asked if I already have kids and when I say no they tell me I'm running out of time. I understand it can be good to advise people they're getting to the harder end of conceiving but maybe ask if we're planning on having children before leaping straight to "you better hurry up". Just because I have a womb doesn't mean I ever want to use it.
Jo Choto 4 years ago
The only way to have a truly fulfilling existence is to be at peace with yourself. You shouldn't NEED anyone else to complete you. Some people can choose to add to their lives with partners and children, but it's not the answer to happiness and no one should have to do it.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
No, they don't. I'm glad you don't know any of them, but they're everywhere, nonetheless.
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#9
I was downtown one day and saw this woman in leggings, boots, and a jacket. She had a pony tail and Starbucks. I thought "Ha, look at this basic bi-" and had to stop myself. I then thought "No, she looks comfy and caffeinated, and that pony tail looks great!"
I often catch myself judging stereotypes for no damn reason.
Something 4 years ago
There's nothing wrong with being "basic." You can stick out from the crowd and be awesome or blend in with the crowd and be awesome. Your worth is not dependent on your uniqueness. We're human, not collector's items.
Marnie 4 years ago
The most pretentious people I know are the ones who are so shallow that they go out of their way to look different and not like everyone else.
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A Jones 4 years ago
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be cozy and enjoy a treat. Let people wear clothes they want to wear. jeeze
Gin Marie 4 years ago
My favorite outfit is my comfy gray pants WITH POCKETS galore, a grey embroidered tunic, and my grey vest with SIX POCKETS! Pockets, dammit.
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Ladyvischuss 4 years ago
I find myself being judgmental in my mind regarding heavy people. My mom is large and all I heard while growing up was how horrible she felt about herself. When I realized that mentality was in my mind I've been cutting off those thoughts and saying to myself that that person can be wonderful no matter what size they are. Skinny people aren't automatically nice, personality is not determined by size. I also grew up being tormented by my mother telling me that I would be heavy too because it's in our family.
Katchen 4 years ago
I listen to a podcast called Maintenance Phase that has really helped me overcome the ingrained anti-fat bias I’ve had. I’m trying to be a better person. And Maintenance Phase is amazing: funny, informative, entertaining.
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Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
We all do it. We judge other groups of people just because they're different to us.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
How is it people think these things at all? I don't look at an indigenous lady with... Idk, dream catcher earrings? and ... Baby Phat and Adidas (if that's still a thing) and judge her for being stereotypical kind of basic. I actually loved the Adidas look and Baby Phat cat. Always thought whoever wore that had money lol.
#10
It's okay to age
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
It's our greatest hope! Nobody wants to die young and beautiful!
Load More Replies... Something 4 years ago
Though it wasn't originally, the term "Karen" is now being used as a slur against women over 50. If we want a society where women don't feel the need to freeze their age at 39, we have to respect women older than that as a group. (Some people happen to fall into that category and also be jerks, but you can call them out individually without stereotyping their age and gender.)
bumble bee 4 years ago
Totally agree! Calling women Karen because they are outspoken and assertive. That term alone is misogynistic
Load More Replies... NaggerSwoosh69 4 years ago
It's "OK" to age??? I think you'll find that is the basic (and desired) principle of life.
Dani Alexander 4 years ago
It’s either you age or you die, take your pick. It’s sad to know people feel uncomfortable with getting older when it’s really not their choice and completely natural.
Alex Luiz 4 years ago
Why? We can't all be 'fun'. I didn't even have a youthful mindset when I was a kid, and I like myself much better now that my age matches my grumpy, pragmatic little brain.
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#11
That other women aren't my competition.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
Women are always in competition with each other. Men are always in competition with each other. We all compete all the time. Whether it is in work, in relationships, or within family. It can be as destructive as it is beneficial, but we still do it.
Lyone Fein 4 years ago
This "always in competition with each other " thing is a mindset, learned behavior. It is not a necessity, biological or otherwise. In fact there are both individuals and cultures in which this is simply not the case. This entry reminds me of a cartoon I saw once. In the first panel, there were two donkeys tied together, and there were two piles of hay just far enough apart that if one donkey could reach one pile to eat it meant that the other donkey couldn't reach the other pile. So the two of them were involved in a continuous tug of war, each one straining to eat from the pile of hay near him. Always being pulled and jerked away by the other one who was also straining and pulling on the rope so that he could get a bite to eat. . . . The second panel showed the same two donkeys, still tied together by the rope. And the same two piles of hay spaced far apart. However in this picture, both donkeys were eating from the same pile of hay. No struggle, no straining. No competition.
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Marco Conti 4 years ago
It's not "competition" that's wrong. Competition can be fun (if I may say so after a lifetime of semi-pro tennis, motor racing and team sports). What's wrong is the value we assign to winning and losing. When I lost that tennis final as a teenager, I didn't think my worth was any less than the guy who won. He happened to be better on that day. I can live with that as I can live with knowing that whatever I do, no matter how well I do it, someone, somewhere will be better at it than me. A little bit of losing does a lot of good, it gives perspective. The really important things are usually NOT a zero sum game. When I laid eyes on my infant daughter, she was the most beautiful thing. Was there a more beautiful baby? Not to me, but I expect those babies were beautiful to their own parents. Those are the moments we should treasure. Win, lose, who cares? We do our best, keep the memories and move along.
Birma Gustafsson 4 years ago
We don't ever need to be in competition with each other! We can decide not to compete, for the simple reason that we just don't want to! Even if competition has been a part of our culture for the longest of times doesn't automatically mean you have to keep it up eternally! Just let go, and relax. Cooperate instead! Share burdens and joys, instead of competing.
ThEboRedEsTpANdA 4 years ago
Unless you're quite literally in a competition with them. eg games som of the time and races etc
Titas Burinskas 4 years ago (edited)
Well, in terms of evolutionary biology, they are. But the "competition" isn't as fierce and pronounced as it was in the distant past, some drives and mechanisms are just sublimated or channeled elsewhere. (Yes, I understand, that nowadays reproduction is not as important, and there are other aspects where women compete, though I'd still say it has some basis in evolutionary biology.)
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Biologically they are not. Humans have alwyas been a social species and our social skills and hability to trade and communicate with other groups is one of the reasons why we were so successful
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S. Tor Storm 4 years ago
they are actually. from an evolutionary standpoint basically every other person is your direct competition
RandomBeing 4 years ago
You could also argue that as a society/community based species we're actually meant to work together. Humanity is not built to be a solitary species.
Load More Replies... Vicky Z 4 years ago
If your job is to undermine women it's understandable why they can't do it better than you
Load More Replies... #12
The not like the other girls trope. I'm just like other women, and I like most of them.
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
If you think you're not like other girls, that's because you haven't met enough of them yet. Expand your horizon. Meet more people. Be honest. Be vulnerable. You have more in common with other girls than you think, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Gin 4 years ago
I agree. We have a lot in common with each other. Most of us think our quirks are unique but chances are there are plenty of other people thinking or feeling the same way. Not easy to open up and be vulnerable of course... but that in itself is a common problem!!!
Load More Replies... Something 4 years ago
"Not like other girls" is usually a temporary teenage phase experienced by girls who have absorbed some kind of stereotype of what "other girls" are like.
RandomBeing 4 years ago
Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful Most girls, work hard, go far, we are unstoppable Most girls, our fight to make every day No two are the same I WANNA BE LIKE, I WANNA BE LIKE MOST GIRLS I WANNA BE LIKE, I WANNA BE LIKE MOST GIRLS
Luna Lovegood 4 years ago
To clarify- this is a mindset many women (often teens) absorb through a stereotype that girls liking or doing things that girls commonly like or do is boring and bad- that they somehow have to be "different" or "one of the cool girls" often by liking tomboyish things or liking things that are typically associated with boys. There is very much a need to prove that you are better or different than the "other girls". This is often due to the subconscious association that girly things are weak and bad, and the idea is furthered by media representation of men liking women because "I like you, you're different, cool, not like the other girls." It also stems from the idea that most women are dumb and silly, leaving women feeling like they need to prove themselves to be different. It is a very easy thinking to fall into.
Oopsydaisy 4 years ago
That is a disgusting misogynist thing that nasty men say to women they've just met. If a man says this to you, run away The other big red flag is if they tell you that they want you to meet their children because you'd be a much better role model for them than their mother. Run away!
sophie mitchell 1 year ago
I'm not like other girls and that's okay. I have my own group of women who I relate to and I'm happy and content with them. I don't need to be like ALL women, it's okay to be a bit different.
#13
The hatred of hairy armpits in pictures. Idk if I’ll ever unlearn this one. I just hate how it looks (particularly on me).
ZAPanda 4 years ago
yep i hate it on myself as well, as a guy. I have no idea why the double standards though, or who decided that hairless is the female standard.
Anthony Picco 4 years ago
The razor blade companies started that... in advertisements around 100 years ago
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Casey McAlister 4 years ago
I don't like hairy armpits on men too. They just don't look good. Anyway, it's up to each person to decide if they want to shave or not.
Tim S 4 years ago
Right. This isn't as much of a male/female thing as I think some people think... especially if we're talking about photos.
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Penny Fan 4 years ago
Feminist me think I shouldn't shave/wax everything, but everyday me much prefers not to be hairy...
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Well feminism is about destroying the different rules for the sexes. The problem is forcing women to shave not the shaving in itself. I barely do it anymore but i do prefer being shaved because i love the smoothness
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Tarik Dursun Zorgulen 4 years ago
Do not care about gender. I dislike it. it is bad on men and it is bad on women. I could not care less about leg hairs for instance, but armpit in my mind more associated with sweat and BO. Maybe if I were to born and raised in a cold climate it would have been different.
Huddo's sister 4 years ago
Sweat, BO and itchiness are why I shave, and yet I still flinch when I have my step dad going on about 'it's so stupid for girls to reinforce the idea that hairy underarms are wrong'. I have to remind myself that he is a hippy, but at the same time, shaming those who choose (and yes it is their choice) to shave is just as wrong.
Load More Replies... My Name Is Mars 4 years ago (edited)
I hated it too, until was told by my infectious diseases doctor that I could no longer shave any body hair due to me being over colonized with MRSA (methecillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus). I was hospitalized 36 times between 2017 and 2019 for sepsis related to abscesses I got from shaving. The micro cuts the skin endures during shaving was allowing the MRSA to get into my blood stream. I quit shaving last year and I've only been hospitalized once. Now I don't mind my body hair because it's allowing me to remain healthier. Body hair is natural, anyway.
JayJayKay 4 years ago
Totally agree. Advertising and movies also help to keep up the idea of what looks good and what doesn't.
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Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
It's a social upbringing. I consider myself to be pretty open minded and fair. But the first time a woman raises her arms (where the pits are visible) and it looks like shag carpet, it startles the fire out of me. And yeah, I'm still working on that one.
Auntriarch 4 years ago
Me too, and feeling slightly guilty about it as a woman.
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Nubis Knight 4 years ago
It's as if men want women to be hairless little girls - kinda pedophile to me.
Jo Choto 4 years ago
And it is SO culturally specific. It's quite normal in MOST countries in the world, on all continents, for women to ignore their body hair. But there are a few countries where women are supposed to have abundant head hair and no body hair. I think women should do whatever makes them comfortable. I am very fair, so you literally can't see my body hair, so I don't shave my legs at all, and I shave my armpits for non-sweating purposes. The only thing that really creeps me out about women removing body hair is the trend in these countries for women to be completely shaved on their privates, which is something that comes entirely from the porn industry. Pubic hair = puberty. No hair = children. I find it very creepy, but to each her own.
#14
That women who do make up, nails, or pay attention to the way they look are not shallow or self-conceited. “Girly” should not be an insult.
Something 4 years ago
Instead of looking down on women (and others) who like makeup, or on those who don't, we should all recognize that it should be a choice freely made and forcing people in either direction is bad. We don't all have to look the same or present ourselves the same.
L. Murphy 4 years ago
Agreed, but I am disturbed about the amount of makeup women seem to be spackling on these days. Am I wrong to think the aesthetic seems to resemble blow-up dolls? Half the time, many of the images I see look artificially generated.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
I also hate "hey, bi*ch" as a greeting between (alleged) friends. No, I'm not a female dog, thanks so much.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
My wife loves makeup and painting her nails, and she (proudly) calls herself girly. However, I know that people use it as a derogatory term. Like many things, it's about the way you say it.
My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
As long as a person isn't hurting themselves or anyone else, let them dress and express themselves as they wish to. That's what my parents taught me. As someone who's been goth since the age of 14, my parents never tried to change me or make me dress a certain way. To each their own!
GirlFriday 4 years ago
To me, cosmetics, hair, and nails are an artform and a mode of self-expression. I have never looked at another woman and thought "she must be so shallow to spend that much time/money/energy on her appearance." I envy people with the patience to express themselves through art on a daily basis. I wish had more patience than the fifteen minutes per day I spend on hair and makeup.
sophie mitchell 1 year ago
I didn't know some women saw girly as an insult. I'm a tomboy and I've always said girly as a compliment.
Lucas 4 years ago
Is that a genuine question? It means "having an excessive sense of one's own importance, abilities, and value."
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Monday 4 years ago
I'd argue we should just take away the gendered aspect and let everyone wear makeup. I don't like seeing the spots or acne on my face, and I like being able to easily cover them up with a touch of makeup. Why shouldn't men be given the same choice to cover up little imperfection they don't want to see?
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lazy panda 4 years ago
I can't tell if you're a troll, or just that dense.
Load More Replies... #15
That i dont owe prettiness to anyone here’s a qoute by Erin Mckean about it: “You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.”
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Thank you. It is years since I read this quote and I'd forgotten who said it.
Kendra Miller 4 years ago
I wear what I want. At one job I always dress my best, it's my "I'm going to be pretty today" outlet. At another job I wear them same cozy, threadbare clothes I've been wearing for years, it's my frumpy outlet. At home I change to the fluffist fuzzy pajamas I have. One outfit is bright fluffy red from head to toe. I call it my tomatoe outfit. It's a healthy balance and I enjoy picking each outfit
Maryjohn deBrun 4 years ago
But if you like to be pretty, go for it. Problem is, men or whoever will always look first at the well - made up woman because she stands out. Whether or not s/he pursues is another story. What I dislike, is the obvious simmer that the unmade up display. If the person wants to present her/himself with makeup, it is their business. The complainer can do so as well. What s/he cannot do (at least not at the present time) is insist that everyone do as s/he does. Sometimes the makeup is to hide flaws, skin conditions, marks, and they envy the ones who don't need to do so, who have wonderful skin and eyes that are naturally dramatic. Ask one who knows. My makeup comes off at night and I was always sure to warn potential suitors. Lessons the fear in the morning. Lol
#16
Formerly raised Christian woman here: sl** shaming. I'm much better about it now but basically do not judge women's character who are promiscuous.
Also women who are hyper feminine. As long as they don't tell me I need to be the same I can respect their lifestyle as long as it's for them not to solely please men when they don't even like wearing all that stuff.
That my first sexual experience was my choice and that virginity is a concept. That nothing was taken from me. I chose to do it and we did an action together. Period.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
S**t shaming is ridiculous because men are not censured for the same activities, indeed they are praised.
GaeFrog 4 years ago
Yeah men are called "players" if they have sex a lot but women are "sluts"
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Lara Verne 4 years ago (edited)
As a kid, I had to go to church because of my religious grandmother, and priest ofter talked about women. Like "women who wear certain clothes (above knee lenght skirts and dresses, shorts and capris, sleeveles shirts or any sleeve above elbow, crop tops or any top that show more than your neck) are whores." They think it's nice or fashionable, but it's not! They're whores! Decent woman wouldn't go outside wearing something like that! "He had no problem with men's clothes. He also shamed women for certain behavior for which he never shamed men. Guess he just hated women. I always felt uncomfortable, listening that.
My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
My dad was progressive for having been born in the 1940s. He always told me, his only daughter, that it was perfectly fine and natural for a woman to enjoy sex with whomever she wanted, whenever she wanted, so as long as protection was used. He always said, "Sex isn't just for the enjoyment of men. It's for everyone regardless of their gender, orientation,or identity."
UpQuarkDownQuark 4 years ago (edited)
There’s no such thing as a s*ut. People choose to have different amounts of sex with different amounts of people. Often it’s for emotionally healthy reasons, sometimes it’s not, but that holds true for everything we do, from working out, to having hobbies, eating sweets, and watching TV.
sophie mitchell 1 year ago
A virgin is someone who hasnt had sex, no Biggie. It's just describing a moment in someone's life, everyone was there at some point. You don't have anything "taken" from you, but you do gain from it.
#17
That it's not my job to monitor everyone's emotional status, and take care of their feelings and mental health.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
Actually it's called just being decent. The fact is, many men don't bother to do this, so actually the general practice SHOULD be to be decent to others. I've had to learn this the hard way.
Monday 4 years ago
Depends on the extent. It's not my responsibility to chase after my coworker and convince them to open up about whatever happens to be bugging them that day after they storm out in a foul mood, it's my responsibility to treat them courteously and finish our work together when they return. Being decent doesn't mean having to be emotionally available, it's more to do with basic respect.
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bumble bee 4 years ago
But we are constantly told how to feel, what emotions to have by the media, politics, celebrity. If we do not have the emotions we are told to have we are labeled as the new evil.
September Meadows 4 years ago
It's nice to be able to help other people, but you can't help everyone, no one can so don't guilt yourself over it. Also you cannot really take care of anyone else very well if you don't take good care of yourself first.
Vicki Thill 3 years ago
I've actually learned the opposite; it is my job to monitor everyone's emotional status and to take care of their feelings. My interactions with people have become very rewarding once I learned that their emotional state might just be playing a role in our communication and while keeping that in mind, I can, at the very least, if not help, not harm them further.
Maryjohn deBrun 4 years ago
How about just generally being polite? Basic kindness first. If given a reason to turn away, do so without a fuss.
Birma Gustafsson 4 years ago
It's not my job to constantly watch people around me, to pick up on their emotional status, and it's not my job to stroke other people's vanities, or weaknesses, or letting them turn me into a comfy blanket, a pacifier!! I have my own s**t to take care of, my own mental status to care for, I don't owe men or women to be available as a nun or confessioner, or indeed as a psychologist!! There are proffessionals available for that.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
That's just called being a kind person... No we don't have to but we should. Be kind and not a stupid self proclaimed empowered woman for being a bitch
Popescu Adina 4 years ago
Constant monitoring and taking care of someone's emotional needs goes beyond being just nice. IMO It's actually about an age old stereotype about a woman's job in a relationship and family... I've been told before that a family's emotional well being depended solely on the woman as it was her responsibility to keep her relationship stable (only the woman's job, as the man had no other role beside bringing money home). And if the man left, it was her fault for not keeping him happy. Anyway this was less than 10 years ago ... these stereotypes still exist unfortunately.
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#18
That my worth isn’t based on my weight.
Something 4 years ago
And if you are someone who would be healthier at a different weight, low self esteem is not the way to get there.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Weight is a number. That's it. Your healthy weight range alters with: age, gender, and baseline physical capacity. Stay trim, but ignore numbers. Throw out all scales and measuring tapes. Do not worry what jeans size you are. If your doctors are okay with your weight (you can ask them!)... Then let it go. Just let it go. If you have issues, see a therapist, but don't hurt yourself, please. Thank you.
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
This should be waaaaaay higher in the comments!! Thank you!!
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Animelover13ฅ(• ɪ •)ฅ 4 years ago
Also skinny shaming exists! And it is mean! So don’t come up to people and say things like “wow ur so skinny” because they might have a health issue
Amy Post 4 years ago
A person's worth isn't based on perceived health either. Whether a woman weighs 90 pounds or 700 pounds, they are still human and worthy of a life of respect and kindness. A person's health is their own private business, so don't try to pass off your bigotry/disgust as "concern for their health".
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
To bad, you would be worth a lot more! Ha yes mean joke. Your worth is all what you decide it is. If people judge you then they may not be people who you should take advice orcritizem from.
Soyexfox 4 years ago
i dont mind been a big girl, and people say im fine, but if im fine and comfy at a 16 what if im still comfy at 18 and 20 and 30 and 40 and then die of a heart attack i will never say having a lot of weight makes you unhealthy or having not a lot of weight makes you unhealthy it should never be about the vanity of the outside but whats going on, on the inside.
#19
It's okay to piss someone off by speaking up.
Gaby Almodovar 4 years ago
No matter your gender, try to be diplomatic, if you can. But sure, you shouldn't hide your opinion, even if it pisses somebody.
GirlFriday 4 years ago
You could not be more wrong. This is the perfect example of internalized misogyny. Why do I have to be diplomatic? Why do I have to cuddle someone's feelings or filter myself so others aren't hurt?
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Shine Caramia 4 years ago
We're so programmed to make sure that we don't make other people uncomfortable that we don't even think about our own comfort
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
Yes but don't be someone who is 'brutally honest' because then you just come across as an asshole.
Birma Gustafsson 4 years ago
Don't be afraid to piss someone off, if there's no other way. Diplomacy only goes so far.
#20
I can wear whatever length skirt or pants I want. I’m not a wh**e for wearing ones that end anywhere above my knee.
NaggerSwoosh69 4 years ago
You're allowed to wear whatever you want. However, people are allowed to think of you whatever they want. Goes both ways. Always does.
Annette Easton 4 years ago
Agreed that what one wears should not convey connotations about their sexual proclivities. I disagree with the blanket "I can wear whatever I want" stance though. I see far too many people (male and female, but honestly mostly female) wearing inappropriate clothing in working environments. Yes you can wear whatever length skirt you want. But if you're working in a retail environment where you're bending over to retrieve items or get items for customers and you're wearing one that barely covers your butt when standing and your underwear is clearly visible when you're bending over... that's just not appropriate. Different clothing types for different environments.
Anna Repp 4 years ago (edited)
What's not appropriate about that? Why is it a big deal when a cashier bends over and their underwear is visible? As long as there's underwear and it is clean, what's the problem? We all have butts, we all wear underwear - it's not like they are flashing you on purpose. They work long hours, on foot 99% of the time, I'd say they can wear whatever makes them comfortable in those conditions.
Load More Replies... Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
Just don't wear a skirt that barely covers your butt while standing and shove it in my face while I'm sitting behind you. I don't want your butt in my face, please. I just don't want to see it.
Gaby Almodovar 4 years ago
Yeah, but nobody is curious about your ass in public (except some weirdo stalkers-good luck with them!), no matter if you are a man or a woman.
ShriSha Kamboj 4 years ago (edited)
clothes DO NOT define me.........n their length especially not..wearing clothes that reveal the largest organ of my body is not supposed to turn u on...if it does...get ur brain fixed plz yours sincerely, women everywhere
Birma Gustafsson 4 years ago
It's Ladie's Choice all the way! We decide our own look, for own sake.
Soyexfox 4 years ago
i totally get this and understand it down to a T wear what ever the hell go out nakes if thats what you want to do and thats no matter who or what you are, BUT [yes theres always a but] ladys gentlemen wear what you want but make sure to keep your self safe a practically naked person will get eye and hand groped, as a woman myself if im going down the street in summer and theres a good looking guy with next to nothing on, i have to say that i will be eye humping him, sorry thats just how it is, can i keep my hands to my self hell yes i have the best looking man in my arms whose not afraid to cry, and wears make up the tightest skinny jeans and nail varnish, but you cant help the fact that people look its only natural
#21
"Girls suck."
As a 90s kid, this was the theme and in order to not suck, you had to be "not like other girls."
And as soon as you realize they don't suck, you're pitted against each other and aren't able to enjoy how awesome they are.
Turns out, girls are the s**t and their virtues don't detract from yours!
Sometimes when I'm out and about I still feel this vibe coming at me from other women and I understand that where they're coming from has nothing to do with me. Now, I just give them a nice, big smile. 9 times out of 10 they break into the sweetest smile you can imagine and I love that moment. We friends, y'all.
Susie Elle 4 years ago
Ah yes, the 90's. When we still thought women should either serve as an aesthetic or the target of insulting jokes.
Kandi Heiple 4 years ago
We grew up in the 80s and 90s thinking we hated other women because we grew up watching movies and shows written by men who hated women
Load More Replies... GirlFriday 4 years ago
Anyone who says that girls suck or girls hate each other or that we MUST hate each other has never been in a women's bathroom. In the bathroom we are all sisters and will share everything we have from tampons to life advice.
Rachael Sampson 4 years ago
Thank goodness MOST of us these days understand how horrible that is and are more and more supporting and loving toward each other.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
So glad I wasn't a kid in the 90s after reading this. Of course my generation got "You're either Mrs. Cunningham or that woman played by Sigourney Weaver in Working Girl"
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
whatwhatwhatwhatwhaaaaaaaaaatttt???? Where is this from???? Seriously? I don't have that? My friends, aunts, sister, cousins, nieces, colleagues don't have that! What is going on?
Summer Mason 4 years ago
🙂 totally agree. I always wanted a female best friend but because of this mentality I never had one. Had major trust issues cause of this. Wasn't till I was 25. It's been 10 years now and I have a bestie for life.
ThEboRedEsTpANdA 4 years ago (edited)
every girl was 'not like other girls' but this ended up with every girl worrying about the same sh*t. So they were like other girls
#22
That I don't have to listen to men. I can't count how many times random men I barely knew started telling me deeply personal crap like it's my job to listen/care about their problems.
Missy Moo Moo 4 years ago
Ha YES!! Like a man telling me that "xyz" isn't attractive... ah so what?? Like makeup, or some item of clothing. Eewww what makes them think I want to be attractive to them?
BorPand8 4 years ago
Or don't, if you don't want to or don't have the time. It's not your job to listen to people (unless of course it is, and you make the big psychologist bucks).
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Deson 4 years ago
One problem is that men are often raised to be silent to other men when they have problems. Guys are not encouraged to open up to other guys for fear of being ostracized and described as not being "manly". Whereas there isn't that stigma when dealing with the ladies. I'm an older guy and it was drilled into my head countless times that you don't talk about problems with the other guys. However it was expected that it was ok for the ladies to confide in each other when there are problems. So, if your a guy and society has drilled it into your head that you can't discuss problems with the guys then whom do you talk to? Often a guy has no other outlet to choose from.
Damon 4 years ago
Women I work with overshare to me all the time. I don’t think it’s a gendered issue
KimB 4 years ago
Are you kidding me? It happens regularly when you work with people. I tend to get this more from women than men but there's a few men who've unloaded emotionally on me. Sometimes folks just gotta be heard or maybe just say things out loud to a person then know but don't have an established relationship with is what I get from it. I do my best to listen but sometimes things more personal than I'm comfortable with and at that point I'll interject and change the subject. They usually get the hint and stop but I have had to say that just too much information or TMI lol
Load More Replies... #23
That saying no and having an opinion doesn't make me mean/unattractive
Veronica Sjöberg 4 years ago
Yes! My husband used to say i had too many opinions, was "like a man" and he didnt find that attractive. We had so many arguments about it in the beginning of our relationship... luckily he changed his mind but i still get mad about the general idea that opinions makes a woman unattractive.
Jarrod Nichols 4 years ago
Quite the opposite. Any man of quality doesn't fear equality. I want to know your opinion and please challenge me when we disagree. I'm up for learning from you.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Umm yes yes it does... If my opinion is rape is fun or I only like the most expensive things or I have to be in control, I would not find me attractive or nice. If were out and some one needs help and you tell me no, then I would find that very mean.
#24
Calling ppl pussies as a sign of weakness. Pussies are actually very resilient and strong.
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 4 years ago
Betty White famously said: Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
Ellie Rosser 4 years ago
Why are female genital words far worse slurs than male? I can call almost everybody a d**k without starting world war 3, but refer to someone as a c**t and the world stops turning.
Pudgy Panda 4 years ago
Except in Scotland and Oz where it’s a term of endearment
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bv7hearts 4 years ago
Watch The Magicians. Margo flips the insults. "Ovary up." "Be a pussy and take one for the f*****g team."
KimB 4 years ago
I don't know why you were downvoted so here's an upvote...I loved that series! And Margo was definitely my favorite female character!
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Bexxxxx 4 years ago
That was so worth it 😂 for everyone else: it’s a really well written hilarious song about this exact subject.
Load More Replies... Mario Formicadae 4 years ago
Military insults have been drilled into my brain, there's no going back from that.
TrixicBird(Any pronouns) 4 years ago
Fun fact: It comes from Latin pusillanimous, Meaning weak.
#25
Referring to women in their 20’s and 30’s (including myself) as “girls”
Ozacoter 4 years ago
This one is tricky because refering to 20 or 30yo as "a woman" sounds like they are much older (or at least for my spanish brain were señora means older age). We really need to resurrect gal as an opposite to guy
lenka 4 years ago
A 20 year old is a woman. Not a girl. Just like a 20 year old is a man, not a boy. We would NEVER call a 30 year old man a boy so why are we calling 30 year old women 'girls' if not to infantilize them?
Load More Replies... Daria B 4 years ago (edited)
I find this one acceptable only if expressed in an endearingly way between female friends, between sisters, or in a parent-daughter kind of relationship. Or similar. And, I repeat, in an endearingly way, not in a patronising intent.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 4 years ago
Yes, but if it is meant endearingly (like "did you girls have fun?") even when said by men. Same as I'd say "did you boys have fun" if I'm talking to grown-up boys.
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Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
i hate it when someone refers to me as young man i find it very patronising so i can understand this
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
I'd feel patronised if someone referred to me as a boy, so I get this.
LuckyL 4 years ago
Had a customer refer to me as the "Mädel" (girl) during a telephone call to one of his colleagues. I'm 35 - and I didn't even know how to respond...
Erla Zwingle 4 years ago
In Italy you constantly read news stories in which the definition of age is incomprehensible. something happens to a "young man" and it turns out he's 50. My theory is it's a code phrase for "single." Once a person is married -- or better yet, a father -- he's a "man." Something of the same goes for females. To the newspaper you're a "girl" until ... something.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Hehe that reminds me to my grandmas. They are 90+ and they refer as "young man" to anybody below 80. It gets very confusing xD
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#26
I don’t owe my partner sex. For my whole life I’ve operated off this notion that my role as girlfriend is to give my boyfriend sex and if I say no too many times it’s legitimate cause for him to want out of the relationship.
Monday 4 years ago
I dunno, it seems like a perfectly legitimate cause for someone to want out of a relationship. If I'm only okay with having sex once a month but my partner wants sex every 3 days then our sex drives are not compatible. There's no shame in ending a relationship for that reason.
Shine Caramia 4 years ago
Which means partners should communicate their needs and expectations, not that anyone should just assume they owe their partner sex
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Sofie 4 years ago
I am also scared of saying no incase he leaves me, but the problem is that feeling makes me enjoy sex less and less. I sadly see it as another chore now, but I think it's because I'm only treated by him as a mom who has to do everything for the children and for him and not also a girlfriend. At the end of the day I feel so exhausted from taking care of everything alone and then I have to use my last energy for the day to perform one last time, to do something for him one last time.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
I am so sorry. Big hug. You are your own person not their maid. Is leaving a possibility?
Load More Replies... Osgood_7 4 years ago
What I really want is for everyone to go read Ace by Anglea Chen, but to summarize. 1) we kind of forget about the process of consent once people are in a relationship. Consent should be informed, freely given, and enthusiastic, and can be revoked at any time, and that still applies in a relationship. You have not consented to any behavior merely by entering the relationship. 2) sexual compatibility can be the final straw in relationships, but if you care about the other person you owe it to yourselves to communicate clearly and ask each other what you're looking to get out of sex, and if there are other ways you could achieve that. We've been conditioned to believe that sex is the only way to achieve "true" emotional intimacy, but that is just plain wrong.
Veronica Sjöberg 4 years ago
It is a legitimate reason to leave, but you still don't owe him sex. Sex can be very important in a relationship. If its part of your love language its quite painful emotionally to be without it. But the key is always communication.
#27
That when the house is dirty/messy it is not because I am a failure. Chores are not divided by gender and self worth doesn’t come from the outward appearance of perfection.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
This one is heavily ingrained in women and I've tried with all my partners to ask them to not do it. As soon as guests are coming over, whooooosh the house gets a whirlwind clean. I mean really? They're my friends. They're much bigger slobs. They really won't see, know, or care.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 4 years ago
As someone who only truly cleans up when guests come over, it's a two-sided thing. Nothing to do with being female, I think, but more wth not wanting them to see how messy I can be if I'm not making an effort. So... I'd rather make a whirlwind-clean than not making any at all (and I'm not talking about basic hygiene. More a "put the stuff back instead of just leaving them on the table/bed/sofa...")
Load More Replies... Dillon Hughes 4 years ago (edited)
Next comment is spot on. But yes chores are kinds gender based or maybe interest based is a better work. How would you like to switch the chores. You can go out now change oil fx a roof I.e. "man" chores and I'll stay in the nice as putting away clothes doing the dishes I.e. "women" chores? I would take that offer in a second! Both are important and nessary. Your a team act like it.
#28
Being "girly" is not wrong. The disrespect shown towards "typical" female interests, i.e. pumpkin spice, yoga, makeup, etc. is because it is considered female. Even though women are more than half the population, their interests are considered "silly".
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
Yuuup! Shop class is considered a career/life skill while home ec is overlooked. Phone games (played more by women) are pointless while console gaming (played more by men) is legit. Makeup is dumb while sports gambling is a way to make money. Etc. There are a lot of judgements about hobbies that are definitely influenced by misogyny and the gender of most users.
Marnie 4 years ago
I agree on general principal, but since when is pumpkin spice and yoga "typical" female interests? Both are fashionable right now in the US. That does make them "typical".
KaBobs 1 year ago
A man at my work love loves pumpkin spice and he proudly admits it .... and all the other men roast him for it... why? Bc it's girly! It's basic!! It's revolting
Load More Replies... ZAPanda 4 years ago
This is peculiar. Think about it. Yoga (the real thing) is mostly practiced by men - swamis - when in india. So its adoption by mostly women in the west tells you something. It maybe / perhaps tells you that women are more introspective in the west, or, perhaps they are more drawn to introspective activities? What does it explain? For me, interest in an activity is not accidental, it's a product of upbringing, socialisation, and social expectations. Therefore, for me, hobbies, such as shooting, demolition derby, flower arranging, and yoga, are functions of gendered role expectations, NOT inherent interests. Silliness being attributed to such interests could therefore be a function of them being non-male-stereotyped, rather than inherently female. As such, the job is to either persuade more men to engage stereotypically female hobbies, or, even better, to just stop gendering hobbies, right?
Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
My disrespect for pumpkin spice has nothing to do with anything remotely feminine. I never even knew it was considered that way. Aside from that, I don't really get that this was an issue. I never got the concept of the Gamer Girl being fake, or anything wrong with liking something with frills, or whatever. People like what they like regardless of gender.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
What now, who disrespects tasty tea, health, and beauty? How are these things silly?! Its silly to be happy and healthy nowadays?
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
I am the biggest gossip I know, that's historically a female trait, just as one small example.
#29
That I don't need to be "sweet" all the time. I was always so scared of being perceived as rough or mean. I felt that I needed to be nice all the time like a Disney princess, and never be bothered by anything ever. And never cuss cause ladies don't do that.
I don't go out of my way to be mean. It's good to be good. But that doesn't mean I pretend to be okay when I'm bothered or watch how I'm perceived all the time to be attractive to men.
lenka 4 years ago
Yep. I have actually had to consciously unlearn this one too - particularly when I am talking to my daughter. I try not to use the word 'nice'. She doesn't have a obligation to be nice to anyone. I tell her to be kind and/or respectful, but never nice.
Bexxxxx 4 years ago
I really like that. “Nice” has such a different connotation than “kind” or “respectful.”
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J. Normal 4 years ago
Becareful with this one. I went from nice/ sweet and agreeable, to stating my wants and needs. I even had the nerve to stand up for others ( against bigots ). Do not know if I turned into a bitch or what... but all of my "friends" have turned their backs to me. I think 90% is political ( I hate 45) and they are loving him. Just decide if you are willing to lose everything by speaking your heart.
Dee 3 years ago
Do I sense regret? I applaud you for having the courage to speak from your heart. May you find peace in this uncertain world.
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Bexxxxx 4 years ago
Everywhere else except for where you grew up I guess 🤷♀️
Load More Replies... ShriSha Kamboj 4 years ago
women r more than just sit still look pretties.......v think, n get angry n happy.........let us decide for our selves whether v wanna smile or yell.......as long as it ain't bothering u......n me not smiling for u is NOT supposed to bother u///
#30
Apologizing when it’s unnecessary.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 4 years ago
I apologize alllll the time for unnecessary things. Usually in very minor settings with people I don't know and have nothing to do with. "Oh, sorry I stood in your way" (even if they stepped in my way first) or "Sorry that my dog barked at you". For me, it's about being polite and deferring any moment of anger from them. Maybe I shouldn't have to but honestly - I do NOT like people yelling at me for my dog's bark, and so I preemptively apologize. I also don't like my dog barking at them - it's my acknowledgement that this is not what I wanted and I'm sorry if I scared them. Interestingly, I've had mostly positive reactions for every encounter, be it dog or in the shop. It makes me happy when I manage to make them smile and say "Oh, it's alright". THEY feel good for me being so polite, I feel good about them being friendly. Win-win. I don't mind if people do it differently than I ,but honestly... Rude people just make me grumpy. So I try not to be rude. BUT:
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 4 years ago (edited)
: if it's a professional setting, I don't apologize for stating my opinion or my knowledge. I might say "Sorry if I offend you" if I did/do, but not for having an opionon or having knowledge that differs from theirs. Also - if someone is rude to me when I was being polite, they better duck. Just because I prefer politelness doesn't mean I can't or won't shoot back.
Load More Replies... Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
How is this mysogny or empowering? My lady does it all the time, its annoying. You don't have to apologize for tapping my leg when you get up.
Ellie Rosser 4 years ago
Because women are expected not to interupt the flow of a man’s life, so they end up appologising for things that don’t merit it. Men on the other hand are not taught to be self-effacing so are much less likely to do this.
Load More Replies... #31
ThAt I need to have a steady boyfriend or husband for my Survival and fulfillment. I. Do. NOT.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
I wish someone would tell the incels this so they can get over it as well.
MadLeon 4 years ago (edited)
Yeah I’m a guy, been single six years, has it’s ups and downs, now single by choice. But lol I don’t hate women or happy couples. Silly incels. I know many wonderful women.
Load More Replies... BusLady 4 years ago
Understanding this could prevent some women from getting into unhealthy relationships.
Huddo's sister 4 years ago
I decided when I was a teenager that I wouldn't spend my time worrying about 'getting' a boyfriend. I live for myself and am much happier for it. I don't go out of my way to avoid relationships, but I also don't chase after them. If I meet someone I really like I will date them, but it's not the main part of my life.
#32
Saying sorry for everything when you haven't actually done anything wrong. At least in the states this is a very common for women to basically apologize for existing or making someone else's life slightly inconvenient with their incredibly reasonable actions. "I'm sorry to bother you" when reaching out, someone holds the door "sorry, thank you", speaking up about something "sorry, but". We don't need to apologize for any of these things. Men rarely if ever do this.
XSpooky_Mint 4 years ago
One time I apologized because my sister pointed out that I looked really shaky, and then she gave me a weird look and I realized it was stupid to apologize and wondered why I did in the first place
ZAPanda 4 years ago
Interesting, because men have a stereotype (and here I'm being a snitch), that men have to apologise all the time as well. Sample: https://www.thestar.com/life/2010/09/28/science_explains_why_men_always_have_to_say_sorry.html In my own practice, I simply do not ask for, or expect, apologies. Instead I try to understand causes. What made you say that? What made you do that? Is that true? I wish other people would do this. I think apologies are useless and often insincere.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
I used to. Now I don't, men usually don't do this because its stupid and unessary. The post even says we don't need to do this, then why are you.
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
Ritchu in Fruits Basket does this. I think it's a byproduct of his being abused his whole life. The other character who apologizes a lot is Tohru, who is just very polite.
#33
Okay so pink and purple are neat colours, but mainly that there’s no need to feel guilty about not wanting kids. I know the person I am and I know I wouldn’t be a kind mother. Sometimes it’s good to know your limits
XSpooky_Mint 4 years ago
My dad thinks I'm lying about not wanting/liking kids because I like to babysit my baby cousin. I mean, dude, I like watching her because I don't have to do it everyday, I'd be an awful parent if I had to do it everyday
Monday 4 years ago
The beauty of watching someone else's kids is that you can give them back when you get tired of them. You can't do that when it's your kid.
Load More Replies... Marlowe Fitzpatrik 4 years ago
I think I'd be a good mother. Still never wanted kids and don't mind that I'm probably more or less past that age anyway (not yet... but eh)
Soyexfox 4 years ago
i think if people really thought about having kids properly then surely they'd understand every detail is one way to look at it, me and my partner tried for 3 years to have a baby and now have a wonderful 12 year old, but in those 3 years we bought pretty much everything you need for a baby, even researched, but two women who i sadly know have 2 children a piece and it too took them 3 maybe even 4 years to have but now they hate there children wish they never had them and treat them like s**t, and its shown in the kids behavior the 17 year old hates her mam and will gladly tell it to her face, and never sends mothers day cards. such a shame to want something for so long then to finally get it and hate it just for been there
Ren Karlej 4 years ago
Thats awful. Poor children. Part of the problem is that many people see children as simply very cute and forget the monumental amount of hard work. The people I know who regret their children always were drawn to cute kids and the fun and games but the reality is very different to the advertising dream we see all too frequently on TV. Though I will just add that the people who regret having children that I know do still love them very much indeed. It is just so different from their expectations.
Load More Replies... Patti Vance 4 years ago
omg...yes! i have been very open about not wanting kids from an early age. then, i found out that biologically it would be next to impossible to carry a child. okay - no problem. fast forward a couple of years and go in for yearly exam to discover not only was i prego but about 6 mos along! way too late to do anything about it. so, became reluctant mom with fears of being inadequate for the job. it was hard! but, discovered it was one of the best things to experience not just because of the child but i discovered so much about myself along the journey. do is still wish i wouldn't have had a child? yes. but you do what you have to do. he didn't ask to be born.
#34
That women can be experts on things - often I’ll be watching the news and catch myself believing a woman specialist less than if she were a man. It’s the one misogynistic thing that’s really stuck in my brain and I catch myself out and correct myself every time but still it persists - so weird and annoying and against all of my values!
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
You have no idea how often this one bites people in the a$$, medically speaking.
Sky Render 4 years ago
Same. Men are better at sounding confident, perhaps, but also consistently less capable when push comes to shove and they have to put words to action.
Load More Replies... Bec Jac 4 years ago
I worked at a boat parts store and the most experienced captain we had was a woman. People would go to the men to ask questions and were leary when they would go ask the woman and try to go ask another guy...who would go back to her lol I work in the construction field and when I go to meet guys onsite they will walk right past me looking for the tech. It's me! I'm also the manager, just over one guy and it never fails that people will look to him for an answer instead of me. And I won't lie...I've done the same, looking for a guy to ask instead of the woman standing there...its just embedded in your head...lol
HorrorEyeArcade 4 years ago
same here. i try really hard to unlearn the prejudices society taught me, and it's working, but it's difficult.
Birma Gustafsson 4 years ago
I watch a lot of documentaries about science, and there are more and more female scientist being interviewed or leading the programs, and the more I watch these programs the less I think about the gender of the speaker, and as a bonus there's all this lovely science!! I feel I learn more than one thing by my interest in anthropology, archeology, palaentology, astronomy, physics, and all other yummy knowledge and science that floats about!!
jimmy pop 4 years ago
This was especially prevalent in my country's latest government voting. We had three chancellor candidates, two men and a woman; one of the men is completely incompetent, the other one is definitely corrupt (according to past investigations in his mayor position) but smart enough to evade law, both seemed rather ill-prepared in all of the public discussions whereas the woman was mostly well-informed and competent. Yet, both the men were generally perceived as more competent as the woman - additionally she's from the green party, which received growing hostilities from conservatives with their rising popularity over the last years, so unfortunately it's likely gonna be the corrupt one.
jimmy pop 4 years ago
This was especially prevalent in my country's latest government voting. We had three chancellor candidates, two men and a woman; one of the men is completely incompetent, the other one is definitely corrupt (according to past investigations in his mayor position) but smart enough to evade law, both seemed rather ill-prepared in all of the public discussions whereas the woman was mostly well-informed and competent. Yet, both the men were generally perceived as more competent as the woman - additionally she's from the green party, which received growing hostilities from conservatives with their rising popularity over the last years.
#35
I might be a girl and I might be the oldest but it is not my job to manage my parents' feelings and expectations. It took nearly 50 years to learn that lesson but at least I did it - and hopefully I managed to pass it on to my kid, so that she won't waste nearly the time on it I did.
Otter 4 years ago
I hope it also wasn't your job to babysit or raise you younger siblings. Sadly, lots and lots of eldest girls are stuck with that s**t, and very few eldest boys.
Marnie 4 years ago
It shouldn't be only the girls, but there is no reason why older siblings can't or shouldn't help with younger ones. In fact, it's one of the most natural and traditional activities one could think of. Spans cultures, societies, and time. It can be overdone of course. And it shouldn't just be girls who do it.
Load More Replies... GirlFriday 4 years ago
I am the youngest of 13 and the only girl. It has fallen to me to manage everything - my parents' divorce, my parents' feelings, holiday schedules, family gifts, family vacations, etc. About 10 years ago, I told them all ENOUGH. It wasn't good for my emotional well-being and I was lashing out at those around me. If they want a family vacation, then we can plan it together.
KimB 4 years ago
I'm an only child so I can't relate to this one but I'll say this from my perspective...when I lost my dad in 2018 and I had to plan his funeral (my parents were divorced so it ALL fell on me) it would have been really nice to have a sibling there with me to help make decisions I thankfully have a wonderful supportive husband but still it was so hard emotionally. Think about this long and hard and appreciate your siblings because one day your parents will be gone and they are all you have left.
#36
Rest isn’t just for men. My husband doesn’t do the dishes when he visits his parents and I feel bad for not always doing the dishes when I visit my parents.
Jessica Gunn 4 years ago
One hundred percent THIS. I'd like to rest too, I hate being expected to help with cooking and dishes while the guys (brothers and husbands) don't!
PeachPossum 4 years ago
Try staying at the table to chat with the men when the rest of the women crowd the kitchen. I did that and I never heard the end of it from my now-EX-husband. Afterwards he told me "She did a lot of work for that dinner. You should go help." I replied, "Her kitchen is the size of our powder room. Three women were already in there, and four would be too many." "Doesn't matter. You still go help." "If you felt she needed help, then why didn't you get up off your ass and go do it yourself? Why should only the women be expected to do that? MISOGYNIST."
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Aileen Grist 4 years ago
My mother would never let another woman help with the washing up. She always said that it's the chance for them to have a break - no cooking, no cleaning up. It's something I've continued
John Peterson 4 years ago
So what's the problem? Neither of them do the dishes when they visit their parent's houses and neither of them were expected to.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
I would never have my guests do the dishes or clean up! Learn how to host. On the other hand when I'm a guest I insist on contributing! Learn how to be a proper guest. I also rather cook and clean than chit chat....
theshow2k8 4 years ago
This is more of a personal problem. Nobody makes another feel bad for not doing the dishes at their parent's place.
Marianne 4 years ago
Internalized misogyny is per definition a problem you have to face in yourself. So what is your point?
Load More Replies... #37
I don't see the men in my life putting the time energy or give-a-damn into: getting rid of body hair, or keeping their skin perfect, or being the perfect body 110% of the time. I'm allowed to just be me and be comfortable in that.... But sometimes it digs into my subconscious that I SHOULD want these things. Trying my best.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
You obviously just only know lumbersexuals. You should expand your social circle. I know a large number of guys who make these efforts.
Susie Elle 4 years ago
But it would be better for OP to ease the obligation on herself to having to want this for herself
Load More Replies... Birma Gustafsson 4 years ago
Don't look at my body, or judging it! My mind is up here!! (Pointing to my head.)
Mario Formicadae 4 years ago
Damn, you need to get to know more people, because I know a lot of guys who care about this stuff.
#38
It's okay if she isn't wearing something of conventional/"weird" clothing but something which she loves.
ZAPanda 4 years ago (edited)
Again we're back on the clothing thing, but I must say it's definitely swung in favour of women at the moment. Try be a woman and wear a suit. You might get some sexist remarks that you are trying to be macho or dominating. Try be a man and wear a dress/skirt. If you don't get beaten up you will certainly be insulted. I get insulted for merely wearining non-blue clothing. Literally. Maybe this is a side-effect of living in Africa. We had a case where one guy publicly announced that he'd beat a woman who was wearing pants... but he was a rural guy. In cities, women wear pants all the time. I've only ever seen a man in a skirt at a scottish parade.
Something 4 years ago
It swung in the favor of women because women fought for it for a long time. I'm not sure what it will take to stop people from enforcing gender on clothing altogether, but anyone should be allowed to wear a dress.
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Mario Formicadae 4 years ago
Yeah, but apparently this doesn't apply to guys? Because I got bullied the hell out of when I came in something unique.
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
I'm so sorry that happened to you!! It should 100% apply to guys as well!!
Load More Replies... Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
Normalize men's dresses and skirts!! Clothes are clothes. Just don't go flashing twigs n berries at people (men/ women/ nb) and stop judging other people's clothing choices.
#39
That women who sleep around a lot aren't bad
LuckyL 4 years ago
they just enjoy their sex life (wrote sex live at first and realized that's a whole different topic)
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
If you enjoy gardening, head to the garden. If you enjoy sex, head to the bedroom (or the garden, if it's a nice day).
Birma Gustafsson 4 years ago
I have as much right to my sexual appetite as a man has, and I don't have to stay with just one sex partner! It's up to me and my own discretion!
Ellie Rosser 4 years ago
Even the phrase ‘sleep around’ is pejorative. Why can’t we say has lots of sex?
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
I thourghly enjoy them, everyone I know enjoys them. Seems like only women don't like sluts
#40
I can not like another woman for whatever dumb reason I care to name, but if I go after her looks instead of the real issue between us I am the one in the wrong.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
But that's correct. If you dislike someone for [some reason], that's possibly a legitmate reason. But if you dislike someone just for their looks, regardless of whether you're male, female, intersex, trans, whatever, you are not a nice person.
I I 4 years ago
i always go on character , i really dont care about looks , i know some beautiful man and women and they have no souls or character
KaBobs 1 year ago
Yes! Ppl get better and better looking the more u get to know them and they have a wonderful personality. It doesn't matter how pretty u are or handsome, if ur mean or dismissive then ur butt ugly lol 😆
Load More Replies... Julie C Rose 4 years ago
This one is done to all kinds of marginalised groups. Like the fat jokes about Trump and the way people mocked how sick Prince Philip looked before he died. Both of those people had a lot of legitimate reasons for people to hate them, but too many people chose to find a way to punch down instead.
Vicki Thill 3 years ago
So, are you saying: if you don't like a woman because you overheard her say something racist or sexist, but choose to call her a stupid cow instead? I'll accept it.
Jasia Pucio 4 years ago
You can like or dislike a person on the first sight, but it is not the looks alone. It is the look in their eyes more.
Soyexfox 4 years ago
but saying this it reminds me of a time i was called racist. I was talking to my friend who is a beautiful black woman, and someone over heard me saying I don't care what you have in your trousers what color you are or where you come from I see no different between me and you, i don't see color or sex or gender and for that I was called raciest. is it bad that i see no difference, i only see it as a good thing, and believe if no one saw any difference then there would be a lot less hate. i understand people have different histories and backgrounds i dont deny that but surely were all human beings at the end of the day right.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Yes that makes you a judgmental bitch. Judging someone on looks alone. Such an empowered bitch! Go here
#41
When someone talks about a doctor, i shouldn't immediately picture a man
ZAPanda 4 years ago
Funny I usually picture a woman. But maybe that's from being in a university for a long time.
More Thinking Needed 4 years ago
You probably picture the same when you think of a sanitation worker, plumber, janitor, fireman, day laborer, landscaper...
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
I don't, but I'm a female MD who worke dconstruction to pay for school. :-)
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Dillon Hughes 4 years ago (edited)
Kinda depends on the field the doctor is in... Would you expect a male ogbyn?
#42
Girly things are great. I don't have to prove shit.
Return of Saturn 4 years ago
Thank you! I've always wondered if I'm sexist for liking pink and being "sweet" and "girly" but I guess it's just the way I am!
#43
I don't have to wait around for my husband or need my husband's permission to do things that I enjoy
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Why would you and why so you think you need to? This is stupid made up bullshit. Unless your in a abusive relationship, if s get out and best of luck.
#44
Pink did not do anything wrong. It's a colour.
Goth mouse (they/them) 4 years ago
Im not a girl and i like pink, its just a colour! Lots of animals like pigs and shrimps and squids are pink and theyre not all girls 🐖🦩🐙🦐
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
Interestingly enough, pink is supposed to be for guys, while blue is supposed to be for girls.
#45
That my worth is NOT directly related to my appearance.
#46
I'm no less attractive just because my legs are not as smooth as a baby seal
Susie Elle 4 years ago
I stopped shaving my legs about a year ago, so fluffy :D (just regular hairs)
#47
When I get angry at a man I’ll be precise, “he’s lazy/rude/annoying” etc. But when I’m mad at a woman I have to stop myself from using the slurs that were always used against me.. she’s not a bitch, she’s being lazy/rude/annoying. My disappointment with another women shouldn’t result in dehumanizing her with gendered slurs. I don’t use the word bitch/hoe etc out loud anymore. I’m working on getting them out of my mind too
XSpooky_Mint 4 years ago
I feel like we should start making swear words more gender neutral, like ya know, calling men bitches and women dickheads
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Thags why I like the word jerk or asshole they bith apply to everybody
Load More Replies... #48
That being able to cook, clean, and even take care of kids/babies does not automatically give me a leg up in the dating pool. I do this all the time thinking that it’s of more value than other things that women have to offer. In reality I’m just trying to justify the fact that I was forcibly raised to be a proper housewife in a generation where it doesn’t really apply. These are important life skills that ALL genders should have some basic knowledge of to take care of themselves.
Mary Montejo 4 years ago
I try to get all my kids to learn those basics. Always tell them they shouldn't depend on anyone to do things for them.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Hahaha so first I and.... Everyone appricates someone that has important life skills.sorry to hear that you were forced to learn important life skills, sounds terrible.
#49
If they are over 18 they are not a girl. Over 18 is no longer a child stop addressing people as such.
Zozo🤟 4 years ago
I prefer to call young women ladies. It doesn’t make them sound too old, and it keeps the maturity.
Rosemary Booth 4 years ago
I went to an all-girls high school, and the staff always addressed us as "Ladies." You're right, it's the perfect term for women of any age, and definitely better than "Girls," which is somewhat insulting for anyone over 12 or so.
Load More Replies... Jasia Pucio 4 years ago
Being legally adult does not mean mature. They are girls and boys even until 25, it depends.
Sarah@C 4 years ago (edited)
Beg to differ. In several cultures, it's very demeaning to be called boy. For example it was (still often is) used in the U.S. to remind Black men that they were not "real" people. In some Asian cultures the use of "boy" towards an adult male denotes someone who is considered of inferior social standing or inferior intellect. In Afro-Caribbean culture, calling someone "boy" can signifiy that they are being too familiar or rude, or are viewed as of inferior social standing. In all of those cases it's an insult. Boy used towards adult males is only narrowly situationally appropriate, used among men when talking about their close social circle. Similarly, "girl" can be used by women about their close female friends, to refer to females under approximately the age of 15, and really no other times. Certainly if a male or unacquainted female referred to my 52 year old self as a "girl" in a bid to be cute or to treat me like a Dear Old Thing, I would bristle like a smacked porcupine.
Load More Replies... #50
That I don’t need a man to feel like a woman.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago (edited)
No you need self respect. All these libtard snowflake Karen's need to learn that. And I don't need a woman to make me feel like a man. It does help though!
#51
I can say no to men
#52
I look at women and sexualize them automatically —judging and assessing I’m a straight woman
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Cool that your honest! First like that here! I sexualize anyone I find sexy men or women, I'm straight, its an internal complament .
Tuna Fish 4 years ago
It took me a long time not to look down on my own self for not being more sexy ( in men's eyes) Now I realize I am a sexy beast no matter what I look like. I only needed to be sexy to myself and my partner, f&^k everyone else who sees me. Why do I care what they think? Age is a wonderful thing.
theshow2k8 4 years ago
This is only natural if you look at an attractive person, no matter the gender.
#53
That beauty isn’t synonymous with my worth. And people who treat me badly based off it are just bad people, it doesn’t have anything to do w me
#54
I'm not special or different from other women. I am like other women, we all have significant similarities and differences and that's great. Liking common things (certain clothes, bands, iced coffee) that are popular isn't basic or bad. They're so popular because they have great qualities.
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
Women who set themselves apart from other women often do it because of internalized misogyny. Men who set themselves apart from other men often do it because of the other men's misogyny.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Ummm yes people are different man woman queer Muslim christian.... Yes people are different, captain obvious.
Julie C Rose 4 years ago
On the other hand, would anyone expect a man to see himself as “like other men”?
#55
That I have to look a certain way to be pretty
#56
The only time I would be called strong or tough was when I didn't look too "girly" or behaved in a tom boyish manner. I grew up believing this, but I finally put an end to it.
#57
Women who post sexy stuff on the internet are not necessarily doing it for attention or validation. I'm so judgmental of that sometimes and I really hate myself for it
ZAPanda 4 years ago
Anyone who posts ANYTHING s3xy on internet is TOTALLY doing it for validation, regardless of gender. Sorry, there's ZERO reason to post private stuff online, etc., unless that is what you want. In fact, anyone who posts anything at all online, e.g. insta/facebook, is just looking for validation.
Susie Elle 4 years ago
I fully agree. It's perfectly fine to want validation, but you can't convince me that a nude on the internet is 'for yourself'. Otherwise you could just have kept in a personal folder on your pc instead of posting it somewhere for the entire world to see.
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Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
Deny it all you want, but they are doing it exactly for that reason.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
This zapanda is great in the next comment. Why else are they posting it?
#58
Honestly all of it. I was a nightmare as a teen. I actually argued against abortion in health class. Obviously I've learned better since, but I hate old me so much.
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
I knew quite a few anti-abortion teenagers. I think it must be easier to believe in black-and-white solutions before you realize how complicated the world is. It's easy to condemn abortion until you have a friend, family member, or coworker who has one and you realize her ability to make choices for her life is the same as your ability to make choices for your life. She knows her life best. Hopefully the poster will help other anti-abortionists realize that fact.
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
Quick fact check: Looking through any metric, abortions cause significantly less "physical damage" to women than carrying a pregnancy to term. Also many, many women report feelings of relief post-abortion. Sure, for others it's emotionally hard, but that's not a given. Women know their own bodies best and know what's best for them.
Load More Replies... Andy Acceber 4 years ago
*eyeroll* An acorn is not an oak tree, and a xygote is not a baby.
Load More Replies... #59
Referring to all animals as "he." Male is not the default.
Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago (edited)
In our language is default cat gender 'she'. Dog is 'he'. Cow -she. Horse - he. Fox -she. Wolf - he. Slavic languages are nightmare in learning 'gender' area of things.
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
I do hope that "cow" is "she." =) All cows are shes. Male cows are called bulls.
Load More Replies... Andy Acceber 4 years ago
My father calls all dogs "he" and all cats "she." He has a doctorate degree. He's owned female dogs and male cats. He's not dumb. This was just the ridiculous gendered expectations he grew up with, and now, 50 years later, he still can't break it.
PeachPossum 4 years ago
I also knew an older woman who did the same. Her mother was a native speaker of German; in that language the word Hund is masculine and the word Katze is feminine. I wonder if that was the reason.
Load More Replies... PeachPossum 4 years ago
Cats are always "Your Highness" and all dogs are the "Royal Court Jester"...
Load More Replies... #60
I don't have to obey every man and every order he gives me. (Yeah... a rather nasty internal belief I'm unlearning with difficulty.)
ZAPanda 4 years ago
wait whaaaaaaaaaaaat? Surely we all know that mom is the boss of the house and the final court of appeal??
Me Oh My 4 years ago
In your home, perhaps. In my home, you go to my mom and she goes to my dad, and his decision is final.
Load More Replies... Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Why make these things sex related? We don't have to do that for anyone. Quit playing the martyrs
John Peterson 4 years ago
This was never expected of any woman, so this is about the individual.
#61
That the only thing I have to offer a man is my body.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
And the reverse stereotype is that men assume women only want them for money. So here we are. What are people worth? How do we measure it? Is it becasue we enjoy a person's company? Is it because they're fun to be with? Is it because they're smart? A good life partner? It depends on what you are looking for in a partner. Some men are ridiculously superficial and ONLY want someone who looks like a model. I only know one guy like this, however, and I told him it's grotesque. All the others want: a good conversationalist / intelligent, with a job (preferably), who helps run the house (not do all the housework), with looks being the least important feature. I only know ONE guy who thinks the housework is women's work. Needless to say he's not popular with his wife.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Well when s**t like that is spewed out I'm sure all you have to offer is your body, which means your basically useless. And another upvote for zapanda
#62
I've been bullied by boys and girls in school but I remember the girl's bullying as much more painful because I desperately wanted to be part of their groups. I'm still working on that mindset of "I get along better with guys" to justify having more male friends than female friends. Really, men just have a different agenda when talking to women and it's therefore a little easier to get along with them. I don't actually have to show up 100%, I just have to look cute.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
bullying is a disgusting feature of anglo- schools and schools split by grade. It's inevitable, because the grade system inherently creates a sense of superiority in the older kids rather than a sense of leadership obligation. It affects both genders and can only be eradicated by revising the education system completely.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
I dont think so. Most of the bullying me amd my friends have experienced was from kids in the same grade. We barely even knew the older kids
Load More Replies... #63
That most women are the same when it comes to being unfaithful. There is many women out there who are faithful.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Nice another unbiased honest comment! Men and women do good and bad.
#64
Armpit hair on women makes me really uncomfortable. I‘m not an ass about it to anyone obviously and I know it’s unreasonable, but it still does.
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
Hair is okay. It's normal. Admitting your discomfort is, I guess, a step in the right direction. But really, just get over it. Others' bodies don't exist to please you.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Having different beauty standards is great, diversity! Just because you don't find something attractive doesn't make it right or wrong.
#65
Starbucks isn’t lame (I’ve have better coffee, but I can always enjoy a good dirty chai from starbees)
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
They don't pay nearly enough in taxes. That's why I look down on them.
#66
That I don't get along better with men, they get along better with me because they have incentive to do so.
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
huh? What a load of tosh. I get along with people that have similar interests/sense of humour as me. Being male or female is irrelevant.
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
No women are just meaner to women, and no not everyone wants to sleep your bitchy ass!
digitalin 4 years ago
Sometimes, as a girl/woman, it's easier to get along with guys because the guys think you're cute. Not all guys, obv, but it's one of many things that can minimize a social barrier. Conversely, it's harder to get along with other women if we subconsciously think they're going to be judging us. We tend to gravitate towards people who we think will accept us. In reality, it can be internalized misogyny to assume that the other women are just competition.
Load More Replies... #67
Judging my appearance
Dillon Hughes 4 years ago
Judging isn't a bad thing. Its what comes afterwords. I was judged as a mechanic, sadly I couldn't help to much... I don't care that I was judged.
#68
That I should wash his underwear. We have been dating a month. He showers at my place sometimes and brought a change of clothes once so now he leaves some clothes when he changes Misogyny tells me I should wash and fold his underwear. But until he puts a ring on my finger I fight myself not to and to just give him them back dirty
Susie Elle 4 years ago
Also after he puts a ring on your finger you shouldn't feel obligated to wash someone else's underwear.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
"Until he puts a ring on my finger" is also an example of interalised sexism. He doesnt need to do anything. First because marriage is not a necessity and second because if she wants it she should be the one suggesting it.
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
Also, even if you are married, wives don't owe their husbands clean laundry. He's an adult. He can wash his own clothes.
Load More Replies... Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
You seem to be looking for validation by wanting him to put a ring on your finger. You're not helping yourself there.
Lyone Fein 4 years ago
Even after any marriage may occur, you still don't need to wash his underwear or any of his clothes. When my husband and I first got married, we used to take turns doing the laundry, and everyone's got washed together. After hubby ruined a few of my items, things changed. Now he does his clothes and I do mine. Everyone is much happier now.
PeachPossum 4 years ago
What did I just read? Geez, Louise. Why are you not telling him you'll wash your underwear when hell freezes over?
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
how does misogyny tell you that you should was them if you're doing some laundry if your own and they need washing what's the problem with putting them in with yours if you dont want to then dont
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What do you think ?
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Yes. Toxic masculinity is internalised sexism from men to themselves and other men. So this is toxic femininity. Sexism harms everybody
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
My mother said this to me when I was about ten: "You don't need a man to be a person". And that has shaped my thinking more than I realize ever since, after I read this post. Memo: Thank Mom again.
elSti 4 years ago
but is the goal to be a person or to be happy? my mom thought me i don't need a man to be happy.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 4 years ago
For me it's that I don't always have to be in control and be as level-headed as I can, because losing my patience or getting emotional would mean I'm 'getting hysterical'.
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago (edited)
Someone needs to get Damon a bubba, a binky n a blankey n put him back to bed.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
For me it is that its ok to like flowers. I love nature and that is fine in my head. But i also love bouquets of flowers and that makes me feel guultt and shallow. Only quite recently i started getting them for myself and now my partner buys them occasionally (like cheap ones not too expensive)
elSti 4 years ago
is that a misogynyst thing to like bouquets? my wife likes them and i have my own favorite flowers. i always thought it would be the other way gender wise.
Load More Replies... Lyone Fein 4 years ago
TBH, I got somewhat pissed off that a couple of men decided to try to monopolize this whole post. I found this to be quite obnoxious. To me the title of the article and the introductory paragraphs make it pretty clear that it is inviting *women* to discuss this issue/phenomenon. When a man is displaying misogynistic behavior can that even be called internalized? Isn't that just plain misogyny? The phenomenon being discussed here is specific to women, is it not?
elSti 4 years ago
The topic is internalized misogyny but the floor is everyone's to share their thoughts.
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 4 years ago
Acceptable womanhood has been defined by men for centuries. Feminism has helped us move some way towards moving us away from this, but some of that message has been lost in man-hating rhetoric, both from the female side, and from men trying to negate the forward movement of feminism. I think a really good question to ask yourself, and be honest with yourself about, is: am I doing this because I want to/because it makes me happy, or am I doing this to please a man? Whether it's your appearance, your job performance, what you choose to say or not say, etc.
RandomBeing 4 years ago
I had to undo a a lot of negative associations with my gender I developed growing up as a hyperactive girl and It's definitely been worth it trying actively to undo them.
Lara Verne 4 years ago (edited)
Also, I don't have to wear heels If I don't want to. One woman once told me: "If I want to feel like a woman, I wear high heels. " Well, I feel like a woman regardless of my shoes.
SB 4 years ago
Agree. And wearing heels often damages feet. Heels also slow you down if you need to run anywhere or are being stalked.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 4 years ago
Yes. Toxic masculinity is internalised sexism from men to themselves and other men. So this is toxic femininity. Sexism harms everybody
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
My mother said this to me when I was about ten: "You don't need a man to be a person". And that has shaped my thinking more than I realize ever since, after I read this post. Memo: Thank Mom again.
elSti 4 years ago
but is the goal to be a person or to be happy? my mom thought me i don't need a man to be happy.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 4 years ago
For me it's that I don't always have to be in control and be as level-headed as I can, because losing my patience or getting emotional would mean I'm 'getting hysterical'.
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago (edited)
Someone needs to get Damon a bubba, a binky n a blankey n put him back to bed.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
For me it is that its ok to like flowers. I love nature and that is fine in my head. But i also love bouquets of flowers and that makes me feel guultt and shallow. Only quite recently i started getting them for myself and now my partner buys them occasionally (like cheap ones not too expensive)
elSti 4 years ago
is that a misogynyst thing to like bouquets? my wife likes them and i have my own favorite flowers. i always thought it would be the other way gender wise.
Load More Replies... Lyone Fein 4 years ago
TBH, I got somewhat pissed off that a couple of men decided to try to monopolize this whole post. I found this to be quite obnoxious. To me the title of the article and the introductory paragraphs make it pretty clear that it is inviting *women* to discuss this issue/phenomenon. When a man is displaying misogynistic behavior can that even be called internalized? Isn't that just plain misogyny? The phenomenon being discussed here is specific to women, is it not?
elSti 4 years ago
The topic is internalized misogyny but the floor is everyone's to share their thoughts.
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 4 years ago
Acceptable womanhood has been defined by men for centuries. Feminism has helped us move some way towards moving us away from this, but some of that message has been lost in man-hating rhetoric, both from the female side, and from men trying to negate the forward movement of feminism. I think a really good question to ask yourself, and be honest with yourself about, is: am I doing this because I want to/because it makes me happy, or am I doing this to please a man? Whether it's your appearance, your job performance, what you choose to say or not say, etc.
RandomBeing 4 years ago
I had to undo a a lot of negative associations with my gender I developed growing up as a hyperactive girl and It's definitely been worth it trying actively to undo them.
Lara Verne 4 years ago (edited)
Also, I don't have to wear heels If I don't want to. One woman once told me: "If I want to feel like a woman, I wear high heels. " Well, I feel like a woman regardless of my shoes.
SB 4 years ago
Agree. And wearing heels often damages feet. Heels also slow you down if you need to run anywhere or are being stalked.
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