“Am I Wrong For Walking Out Of The Baby Shower My In-Laws Threw For Me?”
A Gallup poll revealed that 54% of American men between the ages of 18 and 49 would prefer a boy. Knowing the gains women have made in education, suffrage and business, rooting for one gender is deeply problematic. And as it turns out, sometimes it’s the in-laws who’re rooting for one gender for a mom at an ultrasound appointment.
This twisted story comes from a 27-year-old woman who’s expecting her first baby. While the pressure from her in-laws about having a boy was building up, the doctor’s appointment came and it turned out to be a girl.
First it was her husband who broke down crying in the car and couldn’t break the news to his parents right away. Then, it was the in-laws who ghosted her for days and “then started coming over and visiting, constantly referring to my daughter as my son, claiming the results were false and basically pretending it’s a boy.”
Scroll down through this one hell of a family drama that involves the legacy of a deceased grandpa, baby shower for an imaginary child and whatnot. Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
One 27-year-old woman has shared how her in-laws refused to accept she’s expecting a baby girl and even threw a baby shower for their “imaginary grandson”
Image credits: RODNAE Productions
Image credits: Juanmonino
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Quote "He won't be coming home until I get my ass over there and apologize". Problem solved, don't apologize and change all the locks on the doors. Fu*king idiot family.
Yep. She and they little girl they don't want will be much happier without that group of lunatics.
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Document everything, every phone call, crazy message and visit. Get ready to get a restraining order and get those people, including the husband, out of your and your child's life. Their behavior is insane, they know no boundaries, who k own what they'll do next.
This is unfortunately very "normal" behaviour for Indian families.
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Wait till these people find out it's the father that "decides" the biological sex of the embryo.
They wouldn't believe it. There are still people who believe the Earth is flat... Idiots can believe really far-fetched lies, but logic and science are a mystery for them.
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I’d be paranoid as hell around all those creeps, including the husband. I’d be afraid some of them would try to cause a miscarriage to get rid of the baby girl. None of them should ever get access to that baby girl. Even supervised. They can’t be trusted.
I was just thinking the same. I wouldn't eat or drink anything around them including the husband. Scary AF
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She's NTA, but she will be if she stays with her husband. This is the type of stuff that causes children to be abused (emotionally, mentally, or even physically) and I'm sorry but that is not ok in anyway, shape or form. That's one of the biggest reasons, in my opinion, that so many adults are screwed up. Their parents prioritized their spouses or THEIR feelings more then the innocent child THEY decided to have.
Divorce. Red flag. Do not return to that house. Pack your things while husband is away, and leave. You are strong, you will be enough and you will be great mum with a beautiful healthy baby daughter. Do not let these people in, this is dangerously insane, and I wouldn't trust any of them ever again. Don't care if family becomes the next best thing to happen to the planet, you never leave them with the child. This is such a weird thing to do, that I feel the child will be blamed for not having a penis, or they go barbaric and eliminate unwanted female baby. Run run run
That is so fuc&ed up! They need to get some serious help. And the man, 'decides' the sex of the baby.
That's messed up. Yes, gender disappointment is real. I had it with my first baby and my current husband had it with my third (he really wanted a daughter, i had both from my previous relationship and he had a son). You are allowed to be disappointed. You are, however, not allowed to treat others disrespectful because of this. Especially not the one carrying the child and already suffer in pregnancy- she needs nothing but positive reinforcement. Plus, there's never any guaranties that the sex of the baby will match what gender they choose later on. They will come around but she will never forget how disrespectful they treated her. NTA in any way.
Yeah, explain to the lunatic family that there's still hope because the child might become a trans male. Problem solved
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The family's insane and thank god it's not a boy - think about the sheer amount of pressure they would put on that kid as what they want is basically a reincarnation of their lost dad. They're not "gonna get over it if you play along", that baby girl is sliding into a lifetime of being compared to the grandson they never had and will never be good enough for them. Now divorce the crazies and celebrate your baby girl who deserves love.
This reddit section should start being called WIGADS - Will I Get A Divorce Soon? The answer is, yes. It sucks being a single mom, but it sucks more to be stuck in a family full of psychos. I have read some truly disturbing things on AITA but this is easily in the top five.
WIGADS dang you sure gottem keep on the fight for social justice BROTHA!!!!!
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Regardless of the ensuing madness with the baby shower, I would have dug my heels in when his family thought they had the right to choose the baby's name, and insisted I participate in prayer rituals. Nope.
He's the one that biologically determined the sex of the child start blaming him for being a bad sperm donor. Won't go over well or they'll go Henry the 8th on her. It's sad bc the baby doesn't even have a chance to be unconditionally loved by the dad. There will always be conditions before she's even born. They should've did selective birth if it was going to be like this since she's ignored who these people are she would've ignored that and went along w that too. I'd be afraid for my and my child's life if I stayed in that marriage they value women so low.
There seems to be some cultural context missing here given the rituals and prayers and what not. That is important to the issue I think as many cultural norms do not care a wit for the actual scientifically and medically proven facts about creating a child. The father aka: HIS SPERM DETERMINES THE gender of the child. No amount of magical or wishful thinking has any impact on this at all.
My spank white, European, Christian parents with university degrees believed that they can magically ensure that I will be a boy, by way of what my mother is eating, when they are having sex and in what position. Some people are just simply assholes regardless of what culture they are from. And no, they will never get through it. My mother literally calls me her son. I'm 32.
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I would have packed his bags, including his binky and sent his ass back to his momma for that! He should have defended her.. seems kinda crazy. Probably saved yourself if you got yourself outta that family!
Really want to know what happened next here. Sure mum loves her daughter enough to compensate for the lot of 'em.
If she dumps her husband (which I hope), she gives herself a chance to meet someone who will love her and her daughter.
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They project their grief to her unborn child this is toxic as f**k . Even if the baby would be male- Imagine whose shoes he has to fill and every fragment of personality doesn't fit to the reborn crap would be mothers fault and need exocism to correct. Run girl run For your baby and your mental health
These crazy assholes want a grandson, but I bet (for example) if their granddaughter was trans and became their grandson, they'd still throw a fit over it. They're just hateful people, I bet. They're toxic as f**k and Op needs to get the hell away from them. I hope OP and her daughter have a wonderful life away from these people, no matter what.
if that happened, I'd tell them that their ritual to make an already conceived child a boy had worked
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They should tell the family, before they dump the husband, that they consulted a medium who said the father in law actually is reincarnated as the baby girl :P what meanies.
A husband, even if grieving, is not disappointed of not having his 'dad' born as his son, but cries, sulks and gaslights. It's better to leave this immature person. If he can't handle something that had a 50% chance, how will he handle bigger challenges?
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Crazy religious people? No thank you. Had enough of them growing up. It's your life and your child, they have no say in the matter. End of story
I was thinking East Asian. India had to ban gender revealing sonograms to keep girls from being aborted.
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NTA - get out of there now! Congrats on your daughter, you are very fortunate. Document everything, talk to a lawyer, get pictures of the the boy shower. Sounds like they are planning something by saying you are mentally unstable for being angry about what they are doing. If hubby isn't coming home, change the locks, go to your family, anywhere they don't have access to you.
The whole prayers, rituals and demanding it be a son is giving off Rosemary's Baby vibes. I hope she left and is safe.
My parents were told on both of their pregnancies that they were were going to have boys, well in the end they had two girls. My dad was never ever unhappy about that, in fact, he is still protective of us even to this day. They each got a child that matches their personality: I am sensitive, kind, and a peacekeeper like my mom and my sister is stubborn, loud ,and bossy like my dad. They also got kids who are very different in interest. I am the girly girl and like rainbows and unicorns and my sister is the tough one that doesn't run from fights.
I half-joked to the parents of two girls: "One looks like you [the mother] and one looks like you [the father] - you got one of each!" In my husband's family, people tend to have one of two jobs... hence my joke about his older brother wanting "one of each - a lawyer and an architect!"
Load More Replies... The moment she referred to saying prayers, that was a red flag. Not because the in-laws might be religious, folk are entitled to their beliefs, but because it sounded like they were hoping that prayers would change reality and turn the child to a boy. Imagine how they will be when the baby girl arrives, will they accuse the Mother of being some kind of sinner because God has ignored the prayers? The whole thing is seriously worrying. Can't blame the Mother to be for trying to play along initially, part of the trick in a successful marriage is humouring any odd traits in your spouse's family out of consideration to your spouse, PROVIDED their family don't seriously overstep boundaries into your marriage, but that is what's happened here. Time to call a halt!
id leave him, WHO DEOS THAT what kind of "man" refuses to celebrate his own daughter, you and your baby girl are better out of there than her been brought up feeling unwanted by her own DAD !!!!
Back in the early 90s, my neighbor got pregnant with her boyfriend about a week after going on birth control pills. They split up before she even knew. The ex insisted it was going to be a boy. It was a girl. He insisted on calling her by the boy's name he liked for the first maybe year of her life. Thankfully he got into Scientology which took up all his time and exited his daughter's life. Such a nutjob. His parents were sane good people and actually paid some child support and took the daughter every other weekend. (This is in the US, fyi.)
I'm trying to pull up a calendar bc i cannot believe this was a thread in 2022 and NOT 1522.
Imagine being married to a person who's crying over a result that had a 50% chance! OP should leave this pathetic person.
They... needed time to process something that was roughly a 50/50 chance from the very start? That everybody in the *world* knows and understands is roughly a 50/50 chance? Yikes.
In early conversation, they asked if they can name the baby after their grandparent *if* it's a boy. Clearly, even they were aware it had a 50-50 chance. And they have a daughter. Something seems amiss in details.
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My daughter told her husband that he needed to prioritize her and their baby. I was impressed with how she cut thru the garbage. Bottom Line, who are you prioritizing?
This is very DISTURBING as they will never accept your Daughter as their granddaughter even though their Son was who determined the sex
Umami Jesus, did she marry into the Tudor family? That's a whole planet of red flags, get out as fast as you can!
My former MIL would tell me that she had not done her wifely duty by not producing a boy for her first child. The mental harm she caused her daughter was terrifying. She then had 3 sons. She also believed everyone should still own slaves. All three of her sons married Yankees. That just about killed her.
Wow...this is truly disturbing. "When someone tells you who they are, listen the first time." Your husband is telling you what type parent he will be. Is this what you want for your daughter? To know that she is unwanted and not acceptable because of her gender? That she is second rate at best? Please, go see a therapist and take a good hard look at your life right now and decide if this is the life you want for yourself and your daughter. Your husband is not going to magically change, nor is his family. They have shown what they are, PAY ATTENTION.
OMG, they need to have their heads examined. I have one child—an amazing, beautiful daughter. When a guy at work asked my now-ex if he was disappointed that we didn’t have a boy, he said, “Hell, no. What can a boy do that she won’t do, except stand up to pee?”
Sadly, if you don't leave your husband it will be your daughter that suffers. I know first hand the negative impact it will have on her. Get out now!
Get your ass outta there NOW! Boy, Girl... I'd be happy if your child was a happy, healthy Samoyed pup! LOL! You seriously need to lose this family. There is always a good man who would accept her into his life. I know... I have TWO adopted daughters!
We were on our 3rd child, the first 2 were boys, hoping for a girl. My mother in law was so bitter about not having a daughter herself, said that the family only have boys. Well,it was a girl, for the longest time, she only bought her boys clothes. Finally at 5-6 months old, started giving her dresses or frilly sets of tops and bottoms. For the 4th child, we didn't let her know we were expecting til 5-6 months along and it was confirmed 2x that it was a girl. My husband was not impressed with her handling the first girl. Ended up being the best grandma to that grandchild. I've told my daughter that many times, that she got the best of her. would read to her more than any of the other grandkids. I think it was more because MIL slowed down so much by then.
My daughter married into an Indian family and the exact same thing happened to her exactly. The first child had to be a boy because the boy grandchild receives all the inheritance while the girls get nothing. Girls are nothing.
They are BSing. Girls get equal inheritance as per the law, unless she married a Muslim.
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Could've looked at them all and said " yes, it's a girl but we'll start on gender re-assignment right away. That would blow their mind
NTA- poor baby girl will be forgotten the minute a brother is born. She will never understand why her brother is loved more then her. The family needs grief counseling. You and your husband need marriage counseling or you need a divorce.
I am really wondering what culture she married in to? They made her do stuff and prayers? Is this normal even in cultures that prefer sons over daughters? Either way if they treat her like that what will they treat her daughter like.
Everyone here's already decided that the OP is married to Indian family!! So let me give the Indian side if it's 'normal'. There are prayers and rituals done when a woman gets pregnant, but that's usually around 7th/8th month. I am not aware of rituals for a departed soul to be reborn as a baby. When a person dies, the rituals around death are usually for liberation from cycle of life and death. Indians don't have this gender reveal - blue/pink thing, but there are Indians who are more American than Americans!
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He doesn't deserve to be a father or a husband. He's his mommy's little boy.
Any chance the girl will be lucky enough to have another father? I wouldn't call this infidelity then, but "contact to sanity" or so ... which may result in adding another sane person to the collection, made by two older sane person who, like, fit into each other pretty well and satisfying.
Um… this isn’t even abuse, this is lunacy. I don’t think this marriage can be anything but extremely toxic. When a woman is being seen as a failure for not being pregnant with a god damn son, something is very, very wrong. This isn’t a royal woman in a medieval marriage who’s only perceived use is to give birth to the next king, what is going ON here?
If this is real gtfo and petition for full custody of the child. Hope you have pics and other points of proof. This is just the beginning of the crazy train.
Furthermore what is this stressful situation doing to you and your daughter? Do they have any concerns for you, or her health, during your pregnancy?
I am 100% sure, there were many red flags before they even married, yet she ignored them. Then she decided to marry his stupid ass. Then she decided to have his child. Drama and toxicity escalate and he sides with his idiotic family. Frankly, this mess is her fault for actually going with it for so long. She should have walked away a long time ago. This will end in divorce and more toxic drama from him and the family and her daughter's life will be f****d up because of it.
The last time I read our gender is given by the spermatozoon nor the egg
NTA BUT!!! First, acknowledge your own responsibility. As another poster has noted, you enabled these lunatics by acceding to their crazy demands from the outset. Second, start divorce proceedings NOW and get a restraining order against ALL of them. Do not wait, do not concede, do not delude yourself that things will get better. You will be pressured to get pregnant again (and again) until these people get the grandson they want. Your girl(s) will be ignored and emotionally stunted and you will be emotionally imprisoned for the rest of your life. Do not consent to live in a Stephen King nightmare. GET OUT NOW. Added note: some posters have underplayed the problem by calling this man and his family 'idiots.' They are NOT idiots. They are dangerously unbalanced psychotics.
When I was pregnant with my first child I knew I was having a girl. How? I have no idea. This was almost 40 years ago so I don't think there was a way to find out the gender. If there was, it wasn't offered to me. I picked out a girl name. No boy name. I have joked that if I had a boy I would have left him at the hospital. Be careful what you joke about. Ten years later I had fraternal twins. Both BOYS. My daughter has told me she wishes she had an older brother. In our case she needed to come first because both of my sons are Autistic and she has been a support to me for them.
She went along with rituals she wasn't comfortable with to keep the peace? That is dangerous. She needs to to leave leave this man and his family.
I really hope she cuts ties with the family and if her husband refuses, him too. That's not at all a safe place for her daughter to be born into and it's so sad that that level of sexism and hyper-control exists but it's important to get away before it has the chance to traumatize the kid. What kind of evil people harass a pregnant woman when they should be supporting her through the emotional turmoil? Horrible.
She should document all if it, get a lawyer, divorce him and make sure she gets full custody and the inlaws get zero visitation rights. The husband and his family are twisted and evil. Its clear the baby girl is unwanted by them and will clearly be treated very badly. This would damage the child if she is forced to be around those hateful crazy people
No, sweetie. Do NOT try to reason with these people, because they are clearly toxic & quite delusional. If anyone should apologise, it’s them & especially your so-called “husband” for allowing them to treat you this way. I’m sorry to say it, but if your partner is blaming you & putting you in the wrong, not them; I feel you need to take your little girl & get away from him & his loony clan. This is definitely spousal abuse & as an expectant mother, you don’t need that kind of stress. If you have family on your side that you can turn to, you should seek their support. I honestly can’t get over the sheer audacity your so-called “in-laws” has to throw a fake baby shower & tried to hide your daughter with all that 💩-talk about wanting a boy ... that’s toxic AF! I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if (when your little girl is born) they decide she identifies as a boy & demand you to “dress HIM in boy clothes”!! Seriously, hon. Ditch them all before they get really nasty & try to hurt you. 😥💔 🙏
If these people want to honor the father's memory I'm sure there are other healthier and saner ways of doing it, maybe donate a park bench in the park so the widow can sit and cry. After doing that they can all carpool to family therapy because they really need it. It angers me that they are ruining this woman's pregnancy and causing her so much stress that may affect the baby. If she think it's worth the try maybe marriage counselling because nothing she says will get through her husband's thick skull.
Girl are the pickings so scarce in your town, you have to settle for an ignorant, spineless, piece of sh!t, momma's boy like that? It's unfortunate you're pregnant at this point. I don't mean it like it's the baby's fault. You just need to dump his sorry dumber-than-rocks @ss. I'm pretty sure that clan of imbeciles won't get better so you should cut you losses and move on while you still can.
At 20+ weeks (when most find out the sex) I would say abortion is too late as baby is viable/soon to be. Divorce however- please go ahead!
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That is one psycho family. Even if they finally accept your daughter, they will always be resentful that she isn't a he! For your daughter's sake, leave.
I feel bad for this woman, this sounds cultural and that's a hard place to be stuck in
I'd run for the hills. They are f****n nuts. Even if she stays with him and things calm down I wouldn't be letting his lot babysit.
Please, please, go see a therapist to help you figure out whether this is the type environment you want for your child. Do you really want a husband who will view your child as second best because of her gender? A family that is so stuck on their own desires they cannot welcome that child as she is? A child brought into this insanity will be adversely affected for life. They will not change and your husband obviously is more concerned about comforting his sick family instead of supporting you and your soon to be child. Please, consider getting out before your scar an innocent child for life.
First thing my Father-in-law said when my son was born was...Does he have all his fingers and toes? Maybe I over-reacted, but all I could think of was how differently he would have treated my son if I had said he was missing some digits. Regardless of how the OP treated her In-Laws, I'd hate to think of how they are going to treat this little girl when she is born.
I suspect your F-I-L was repeating a variation of the cliché "As long as they have all their fingers and toes - " which is pretty much code for "As long as the kid is healthy, who cares about their sex, looks, etc." If you're not familiar with the expression, it can seem pretty scary. I'm the sort who would have said, "I dunno, I'm so tired I can't count past three."
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Please get out now, seen a couple of comments berating you for agreeing to go with your partners dad's name if you had a boy...those people that said your wrong for agreeing to that are wrong and as bad as your partners family, your baby girl and you deserve better, if you don't get out her life will be ruined just cos she wasn't a boy.so sad, sending you and your daughter much love my love.
I didn't see naming the baby after the father as wrong, since the OP didn't mind. Plus some families include an ancestor in the name. However, things escalated from there.
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The man and woman are absolutely pathetic. They should be grateful that the child is healthy.
Are the in laws Chinese? I've heard horror stories especially from rural Chinese people because a woman had a daughter. The irony here is the chromosomes that decide gender come from the male. My wife's grandmother always blamed her parents for supporting her to get an education.
Sounds a little cultish to me. They could have called the girl a name adapted from the deceased father in laws name instead of all that garbage.
Clearly an Indian family, as that is a common issue. Wonder if the pregnant lady is also Indian or had no clue what she walked into.
Yea, kinda sounds like that Indian movie - Rosemary's Baby. Superb acting by Mina Farroukh.
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Or ultracristian, ultra jewish, ultra hinduist.... all religions are mysoginistic
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I would probably start wondering if it's not too late to have an abortion and leave him.
Why would she abort her baby? She doesn't have an issue with having a daughter.
Load More Replies... The in laws are s bunch of idiots, anyway. I would never understand this obsession with "I want a boy", or "I want a girl". I want a healthy mini-human, that develops into a happy, decent, empathic (any sex/gender) human being.
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Quote "He won't be coming home until I get my ass over there and apologize". Problem solved, don't apologize and change all the locks on the doors. Fu*king idiot family.
Yep. She and they little girl they don't want will be much happier without that group of lunatics.
Load More Replies... Document everything, every phone call, crazy message and visit. Get ready to get a restraining order and get those people, including the husband, out of your and your child's life. Their behavior is insane, they know no boundaries, who k own what they'll do next.
This is unfortunately very "normal" behaviour for Indian families.
Load More Replies... Wait till these people find out it's the father that "decides" the biological sex of the embryo.
They wouldn't believe it. There are still people who believe the Earth is flat... Idiots can believe really far-fetched lies, but logic and science are a mystery for them.
Load More Replies... I’d be paranoid as hell around all those creeps, including the husband. I’d be afraid some of them would try to cause a miscarriage to get rid of the baby girl. None of them should ever get access to that baby girl. Even supervised. They can’t be trusted.
I was just thinking the same. I wouldn't eat or drink anything around them including the husband. Scary AF
Load More Replies... She's NTA, but she will be if she stays with her husband. This is the type of stuff that causes children to be abused (emotionally, mentally, or even physically) and I'm sorry but that is not ok in anyway, shape or form. That's one of the biggest reasons, in my opinion, that so many adults are screwed up. Their parents prioritized their spouses or THEIR feelings more then the innocent child THEY decided to have.
Divorce. Red flag. Do not return to that house. Pack your things while husband is away, and leave. You are strong, you will be enough and you will be great mum with a beautiful healthy baby daughter. Do not let these people in, this is dangerously insane, and I wouldn't trust any of them ever again. Don't care if family becomes the next best thing to happen to the planet, you never leave them with the child. This is such a weird thing to do, that I feel the child will be blamed for not having a penis, or they go barbaric and eliminate unwanted female baby. Run run run
That is so fuc&ed up! They need to get some serious help. And the man, 'decides' the sex of the baby.
That's messed up. Yes, gender disappointment is real. I had it with my first baby and my current husband had it with my third (he really wanted a daughter, i had both from my previous relationship and he had a son). You are allowed to be disappointed. You are, however, not allowed to treat others disrespectful because of this. Especially not the one carrying the child and already suffer in pregnancy- she needs nothing but positive reinforcement. Plus, there's never any guaranties that the sex of the baby will match what gender they choose later on. They will come around but she will never forget how disrespectful they treated her. NTA in any way.
Yeah, explain to the lunatic family that there's still hope because the child might become a trans male. Problem solved
Load More Replies... The family's insane and thank god it's not a boy - think about the sheer amount of pressure they would put on that kid as what they want is basically a reincarnation of their lost dad. They're not "gonna get over it if you play along", that baby girl is sliding into a lifetime of being compared to the grandson they never had and will never be good enough for them. Now divorce the crazies and celebrate your baby girl who deserves love.
This reddit section should start being called WIGADS - Will I Get A Divorce Soon? The answer is, yes. It sucks being a single mom, but it sucks more to be stuck in a family full of psychos. I have read some truly disturbing things on AITA but this is easily in the top five.
WIGADS dang you sure gottem keep on the fight for social justice BROTHA!!!!!
Load More Replies... Regardless of the ensuing madness with the baby shower, I would have dug my heels in when his family thought they had the right to choose the baby's name, and insisted I participate in prayer rituals. Nope.
He's the one that biologically determined the sex of the child start blaming him for being a bad sperm donor. Won't go over well or they'll go Henry the 8th on her. It's sad bc the baby doesn't even have a chance to be unconditionally loved by the dad. There will always be conditions before she's even born. They should've did selective birth if it was going to be like this since she's ignored who these people are she would've ignored that and went along w that too. I'd be afraid for my and my child's life if I stayed in that marriage they value women so low.
There seems to be some cultural context missing here given the rituals and prayers and what not. That is important to the issue I think as many cultural norms do not care a wit for the actual scientifically and medically proven facts about creating a child. The father aka: HIS SPERM DETERMINES THE gender of the child. No amount of magical or wishful thinking has any impact on this at all.
My spank white, European, Christian parents with university degrees believed that they can magically ensure that I will be a boy, by way of what my mother is eating, when they are having sex and in what position. Some people are just simply assholes regardless of what culture they are from. And no, they will never get through it. My mother literally calls me her son. I'm 32.
Load More Replies... I would have packed his bags, including his binky and sent his ass back to his momma for that! He should have defended her.. seems kinda crazy. Probably saved yourself if you got yourself outta that family!
Really want to know what happened next here. Sure mum loves her daughter enough to compensate for the lot of 'em.
If she dumps her husband (which I hope), she gives herself a chance to meet someone who will love her and her daughter.
Load More Replies... They project their grief to her unborn child this is toxic as f**k . Even if the baby would be male- Imagine whose shoes he has to fill and every fragment of personality doesn't fit to the reborn crap would be mothers fault and need exocism to correct. Run girl run For your baby and your mental health
These crazy assholes want a grandson, but I bet (for example) if their granddaughter was trans and became their grandson, they'd still throw a fit over it. They're just hateful people, I bet. They're toxic as f**k and Op needs to get the hell away from them. I hope OP and her daughter have a wonderful life away from these people, no matter what.
if that happened, I'd tell them that their ritual to make an already conceived child a boy had worked
Load More Replies... They should tell the family, before they dump the husband, that they consulted a medium who said the father in law actually is reincarnated as the baby girl :P what meanies.
A husband, even if grieving, is not disappointed of not having his 'dad' born as his son, but cries, sulks and gaslights. It's better to leave this immature person. If he can't handle something that had a 50% chance, how will he handle bigger challenges?
Load More Replies... Crazy religious people? No thank you. Had enough of them growing up. It's your life and your child, they have no say in the matter. End of story
I was thinking East Asian. India had to ban gender revealing sonograms to keep girls from being aborted.
Load More Replies... NTA - get out of there now! Congrats on your daughter, you are very fortunate. Document everything, talk to a lawyer, get pictures of the the boy shower. Sounds like they are planning something by saying you are mentally unstable for being angry about what they are doing. If hubby isn't coming home, change the locks, go to your family, anywhere they don't have access to you.
The whole prayers, rituals and demanding it be a son is giving off Rosemary's Baby vibes. I hope she left and is safe.
My parents were told on both of their pregnancies that they were were going to have boys, well in the end they had two girls. My dad was never ever unhappy about that, in fact, he is still protective of us even to this day. They each got a child that matches their personality: I am sensitive, kind, and a peacekeeper like my mom and my sister is stubborn, loud ,and bossy like my dad. They also got kids who are very different in interest. I am the girly girl and like rainbows and unicorns and my sister is the tough one that doesn't run from fights.
I half-joked to the parents of two girls: "One looks like you [the mother] and one looks like you [the father] - you got one of each!" In my husband's family, people tend to have one of two jobs... hence my joke about his older brother wanting "one of each - a lawyer and an architect!"
Load More Replies... The moment she referred to saying prayers, that was a red flag. Not because the in-laws might be religious, folk are entitled to their beliefs, but because it sounded like they were hoping that prayers would change reality and turn the child to a boy. Imagine how they will be when the baby girl arrives, will they accuse the Mother of being some kind of sinner because God has ignored the prayers? The whole thing is seriously worrying. Can't blame the Mother to be for trying to play along initially, part of the trick in a successful marriage is humouring any odd traits in your spouse's family out of consideration to your spouse, PROVIDED their family don't seriously overstep boundaries into your marriage, but that is what's happened here. Time to call a halt!
id leave him, WHO DEOS THAT what kind of "man" refuses to celebrate his own daughter, you and your baby girl are better out of there than her been brought up feeling unwanted by her own DAD !!!!
Back in the early 90s, my neighbor got pregnant with her boyfriend about a week after going on birth control pills. They split up before she even knew. The ex insisted it was going to be a boy. It was a girl. He insisted on calling her by the boy's name he liked for the first maybe year of her life. Thankfully he got into Scientology which took up all his time and exited his daughter's life. Such a nutjob. His parents were sane good people and actually paid some child support and took the daughter every other weekend. (This is in the US, fyi.)
I'm trying to pull up a calendar bc i cannot believe this was a thread in 2022 and NOT 1522.
Imagine being married to a person who's crying over a result that had a 50% chance! OP should leave this pathetic person.
They... needed time to process something that was roughly a 50/50 chance from the very start? That everybody in the *world* knows and understands is roughly a 50/50 chance? Yikes.
In early conversation, they asked if they can name the baby after their grandparent *if* it's a boy. Clearly, even they were aware it had a 50-50 chance. And they have a daughter. Something seems amiss in details.
Load More Replies... My daughter told her husband that he needed to prioritize her and their baby. I was impressed with how she cut thru the garbage. Bottom Line, who are you prioritizing?
This is very DISTURBING as they will never accept your Daughter as their granddaughter even though their Son was who determined the sex
Umami Jesus, did she marry into the Tudor family? That's a whole planet of red flags, get out as fast as you can!
My former MIL would tell me that she had not done her wifely duty by not producing a boy for her first child. The mental harm she caused her daughter was terrifying. She then had 3 sons. She also believed everyone should still own slaves. All three of her sons married Yankees. That just about killed her.
Wow...this is truly disturbing. "When someone tells you who they are, listen the first time." Your husband is telling you what type parent he will be. Is this what you want for your daughter? To know that she is unwanted and not acceptable because of her gender? That she is second rate at best? Please, go see a therapist and take a good hard look at your life right now and decide if this is the life you want for yourself and your daughter. Your husband is not going to magically change, nor is his family. They have shown what they are, PAY ATTENTION.
OMG, they need to have their heads examined. I have one child—an amazing, beautiful daughter. When a guy at work asked my now-ex if he was disappointed that we didn’t have a boy, he said, “Hell, no. What can a boy do that she won’t do, except stand up to pee?”
Sadly, if you don't leave your husband it will be your daughter that suffers. I know first hand the negative impact it will have on her. Get out now!
Get your ass outta there NOW! Boy, Girl... I'd be happy if your child was a happy, healthy Samoyed pup! LOL! You seriously need to lose this family. There is always a good man who would accept her into his life. I know... I have TWO adopted daughters!
We were on our 3rd child, the first 2 were boys, hoping for a girl. My mother in law was so bitter about not having a daughter herself, said that the family only have boys. Well,it was a girl, for the longest time, she only bought her boys clothes. Finally at 5-6 months old, started giving her dresses or frilly sets of tops and bottoms. For the 4th child, we didn't let her know we were expecting til 5-6 months along and it was confirmed 2x that it was a girl. My husband was not impressed with her handling the first girl. Ended up being the best grandma to that grandchild. I've told my daughter that many times, that she got the best of her. would read to her more than any of the other grandkids. I think it was more because MIL slowed down so much by then.
My daughter married into an Indian family and the exact same thing happened to her exactly. The first child had to be a boy because the boy grandchild receives all the inheritance while the girls get nothing. Girls are nothing.
They are BSing. Girls get equal inheritance as per the law, unless she married a Muslim.
Load More Replies... Could've looked at them all and said " yes, it's a girl but we'll start on gender re-assignment right away. That would blow their mind
NTA- poor baby girl will be forgotten the minute a brother is born. She will never understand why her brother is loved more then her. The family needs grief counseling. You and your husband need marriage counseling or you need a divorce.
I am really wondering what culture she married in to? They made her do stuff and prayers? Is this normal even in cultures that prefer sons over daughters? Either way if they treat her like that what will they treat her daughter like.
Everyone here's already decided that the OP is married to Indian family!! So let me give the Indian side if it's 'normal'. There are prayers and rituals done when a woman gets pregnant, but that's usually around 7th/8th month. I am not aware of rituals for a departed soul to be reborn as a baby. When a person dies, the rituals around death are usually for liberation from cycle of life and death. Indians don't have this gender reveal - blue/pink thing, but there are Indians who are more American than Americans!
Load More Replies... He doesn't deserve to be a father or a husband. He's his mommy's little boy.
Any chance the girl will be lucky enough to have another father? I wouldn't call this infidelity then, but "contact to sanity" or so ... which may result in adding another sane person to the collection, made by two older sane person who, like, fit into each other pretty well and satisfying.
Um… this isn’t even abuse, this is lunacy. I don’t think this marriage can be anything but extremely toxic. When a woman is being seen as a failure for not being pregnant with a god damn son, something is very, very wrong. This isn’t a royal woman in a medieval marriage who’s only perceived use is to give birth to the next king, what is going ON here?
If this is real gtfo and petition for full custody of the child. Hope you have pics and other points of proof. This is just the beginning of the crazy train.
Furthermore what is this stressful situation doing to you and your daughter? Do they have any concerns for you, or her health, during your pregnancy?
I am 100% sure, there were many red flags before they even married, yet she ignored them. Then she decided to marry his stupid ass. Then she decided to have his child. Drama and toxicity escalate and he sides with his idiotic family. Frankly, this mess is her fault for actually going with it for so long. She should have walked away a long time ago. This will end in divorce and more toxic drama from him and the family and her daughter's life will be f****d up because of it.
The last time I read our gender is given by the spermatozoon nor the egg
NTA BUT!!! First, acknowledge your own responsibility. As another poster has noted, you enabled these lunatics by acceding to their crazy demands from the outset. Second, start divorce proceedings NOW and get a restraining order against ALL of them. Do not wait, do not concede, do not delude yourself that things will get better. You will be pressured to get pregnant again (and again) until these people get the grandson they want. Your girl(s) will be ignored and emotionally stunted and you will be emotionally imprisoned for the rest of your life. Do not consent to live in a Stephen King nightmare. GET OUT NOW. Added note: some posters have underplayed the problem by calling this man and his family 'idiots.' They are NOT idiots. They are dangerously unbalanced psychotics.
When I was pregnant with my first child I knew I was having a girl. How? I have no idea. This was almost 40 years ago so I don't think there was a way to find out the gender. If there was, it wasn't offered to me. I picked out a girl name. No boy name. I have joked that if I had a boy I would have left him at the hospital. Be careful what you joke about. Ten years later I had fraternal twins. Both BOYS. My daughter has told me she wishes she had an older brother. In our case she needed to come first because both of my sons are Autistic and she has been a support to me for them.
She went along with rituals she wasn't comfortable with to keep the peace? That is dangerous. She needs to to leave leave this man and his family.
I really hope she cuts ties with the family and if her husband refuses, him too. That's not at all a safe place for her daughter to be born into and it's so sad that that level of sexism and hyper-control exists but it's important to get away before it has the chance to traumatize the kid. What kind of evil people harass a pregnant woman when they should be supporting her through the emotional turmoil? Horrible.
She should document all if it, get a lawyer, divorce him and make sure she gets full custody and the inlaws get zero visitation rights. The husband and his family are twisted and evil. Its clear the baby girl is unwanted by them and will clearly be treated very badly. This would damage the child if she is forced to be around those hateful crazy people
No, sweetie. Do NOT try to reason with these people, because they are clearly toxic & quite delusional. If anyone should apologise, it’s them & especially your so-called “husband” for allowing them to treat you this way. I’m sorry to say it, but if your partner is blaming you & putting you in the wrong, not them; I feel you need to take your little girl & get away from him & his loony clan. This is definitely spousal abuse & as an expectant mother, you don’t need that kind of stress. If you have family on your side that you can turn to, you should seek their support. I honestly can’t get over the sheer audacity your so-called “in-laws” has to throw a fake baby shower & tried to hide your daughter with all that 💩-talk about wanting a boy ... that’s toxic AF! I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if (when your little girl is born) they decide she identifies as a boy & demand you to “dress HIM in boy clothes”!! Seriously, hon. Ditch them all before they get really nasty & try to hurt you. 😥💔 🙏
If these people want to honor the father's memory I'm sure there are other healthier and saner ways of doing it, maybe donate a park bench in the park so the widow can sit and cry. After doing that they can all carpool to family therapy because they really need it. It angers me that they are ruining this woman's pregnancy and causing her so much stress that may affect the baby. If she think it's worth the try maybe marriage counselling because nothing she says will get through her husband's thick skull.
Girl are the pickings so scarce in your town, you have to settle for an ignorant, spineless, piece of sh!t, momma's boy like that? It's unfortunate you're pregnant at this point. I don't mean it like it's the baby's fault. You just need to dump his sorry dumber-than-rocks @ss. I'm pretty sure that clan of imbeciles won't get better so you should cut you losses and move on while you still can.
At 20+ weeks (when most find out the sex) I would say abortion is too late as baby is viable/soon to be. Divorce however- please go ahead!
Load More Replies... That is one psycho family. Even if they finally accept your daughter, they will always be resentful that she isn't a he! For your daughter's sake, leave.
I feel bad for this woman, this sounds cultural and that's a hard place to be stuck in
I'd run for the hills. They are f****n nuts. Even if she stays with him and things calm down I wouldn't be letting his lot babysit.
Please, please, go see a therapist to help you figure out whether this is the type environment you want for your child. Do you really want a husband who will view your child as second best because of her gender? A family that is so stuck on their own desires they cannot welcome that child as she is? A child brought into this insanity will be adversely affected for life. They will not change and your husband obviously is more concerned about comforting his sick family instead of supporting you and your soon to be child. Please, consider getting out before your scar an innocent child for life.
First thing my Father-in-law said when my son was born was...Does he have all his fingers and toes? Maybe I over-reacted, but all I could think of was how differently he would have treated my son if I had said he was missing some digits. Regardless of how the OP treated her In-Laws, I'd hate to think of how they are going to treat this little girl when she is born.
I suspect your F-I-L was repeating a variation of the cliché "As long as they have all their fingers and toes - " which is pretty much code for "As long as the kid is healthy, who cares about their sex, looks, etc." If you're not familiar with the expression, it can seem pretty scary. I'm the sort who would have said, "I dunno, I'm so tired I can't count past three."
Load More Replies... Please get out now, seen a couple of comments berating you for agreeing to go with your partners dad's name if you had a boy...those people that said your wrong for agreeing to that are wrong and as bad as your partners family, your baby girl and you deserve better, if you don't get out her life will be ruined just cos she wasn't a boy.so sad, sending you and your daughter much love my love.
I didn't see naming the baby after the father as wrong, since the OP didn't mind. Plus some families include an ancestor in the name. However, things escalated from there.
Load More Replies... The man and woman are absolutely pathetic. They should be grateful that the child is healthy.
Are the in laws Chinese? I've heard horror stories especially from rural Chinese people because a woman had a daughter. The irony here is the chromosomes that decide gender come from the male. My wife's grandmother always blamed her parents for supporting her to get an education.
Sounds a little cultish to me. They could have called the girl a name adapted from the deceased father in laws name instead of all that garbage.
Clearly an Indian family, as that is a common issue. Wonder if the pregnant lady is also Indian or had no clue what she walked into.
Yea, kinda sounds like that Indian movie - Rosemary's Baby. Superb acting by Mina Farroukh.
Load More Replies... Or ultracristian, ultra jewish, ultra hinduist.... all religions are mysoginistic
Load More Replies... I would probably start wondering if it's not too late to have an abortion and leave him.
Why would she abort her baby? She doesn't have an issue with having a daughter.
Load More Replies... The in laws are s bunch of idiots, anyway. I would never understand this obsession with "I want a boy", or "I want a girl". I want a healthy mini-human, that develops into a happy, decent, empathic (any sex/gender) human being.
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