When I was a preschooler, the top 2 questions that various adults asked me were always “What do you want to become when you grow up?” (well, yes, a 3 Y.O. kid makes some Napoleonic plans...) and “Who do you love more, dad or mom?” (great, then why not ask which lung is more comfortable for me to breathe with?)
Decades have passed - and we, adults, still continue to ask children, our own and others', questions of varying degrees of stupidity and inappropriateness, without even realizing that we're unwittingly traumatizing them. So here are almost three dozen similar stories, collected by Bored Panda from this viral thread in the AskReddit community.
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Asking a teenage girl if she's on her period any time she shows any emotion
“Why are you playing with [gender specific toy]? That’s for boys/girls.”
Asking if another child of the opposite sex is their boyfriend/girlfriend.
In fact, the tradition of asking children stupid questions goes back as far as the tradition of lisping and deliberately imitating toddlers' babbling. Well, then somehow it wasn't customary to pay as much attention to mental health as it is today, so a whole set of meaningless and allegedly 'cute' questions was formed that, like myths and legends, are passed down from generation to generation. Up until today, for sure.
Asking a question and rejecting any answer the kid gives unless it's the adults own opinion.
“why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”
i’m a young teenage girl, and both my step dad and his dad tell me all the time “can I marry you?” “If you don’t find a man soon I guess I’ll have to be the man!” “Have you found a boy yet?” followed up by “If not i’m single!” the worse one was my step dad: “If your mom ever divorces me then can you marry me?”
I don’t know why they say that all the time but God is it annoying.
On the other hand, it seems that we adults sometimes simply don’t have the slightest idea what to talk about with children - especially if we are not their parents, and this is a kind of small talk. True, unlike any small talk between adults, our questions do sometimes look at least strange. To understand this, it’s enough to do one simple thing - just put yourself in the kid’s place and imagine exactly how you will answer this or that question. If you find it difficult to answer, it’s better to avoid asking.
"Why wont you give me a hug?" At a family event where everyone is staring.
In my experience "Because I don't really know you." "You smell funny." "I just want to go play with my cousins.."
When I got my period and they would ask “Don’t you feel like a woman?” or some c**p like that. I was 11 and not amused
No, ma. I don't feel like a woman. This is a period, not Shania Twain.
A separate category of questions comes from adults who are only superficially familiar with, for example, teens, about their emotions, physical health, or imposing their own opinions. Yes, you are an adult, you most likely have more life experience behind you - but this in no way gives you (and me too of course) any right to make value judgments and put it in the form of these 'innocent' questions. Just think back to your teenage years - and I’m almost sure that a couple of similar stories will pop up in your mind.
I had pretty severe eczema as a child. Refused to wear anything but long sleeves and pants even during hot, humid New England summers because every single time I left the house, at least one grown a*s person would ask, “what’s wrong with your skin?”
My mother spent a lot of time correcting grown ups on their behavior. When she got tired of it, she let me do it myself.
I had a facial birthmark as a child and had surgeries to remove it, 6 in total, the last one at aged 15. The day after the last surgery someone asked why I had dressings on my face. Told them that I cut myself shaving. I’m a smooth skinned female.
Perfect answer. I've used that one myself, even if it was a band-aid on my forehead.
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I assure you, I would develop a repertoire of answers, like; with a totally straight face: "Oh, I have leprosy, you know. Particularly bad at the moment." and don't explain otherwise
Highly contageous. You can get it just by staring at me.
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One of my friends as a kid was told not to play with me anymore because they'd catch my eczema :(
I've had eczema since I was a child, psoriasis since I was a teenager. The kids were cruel. They didn't want to play with crusty me. But the adults? Much, much worse.
I have very noticeable scar tissue on large portions of my body, related in part to a genetic disease that affects my skin. I've occasionally gotten unwanted questions or attempts at sympathy from women, but the men... it's just absurd. I have had men I don't even know ask me what's wrong with me, what's that scar on your chest, what happened to your arm, did it hurt, I think it's sexy, why can't you have all that fixed, are you stuck like that forever, you could've been so pretty... the audacity; the sense of entitlement, as if it's their right to stare at me and ask intrusive questions and a couple extra creepy guys have even reached out to TOUCH my skin without ANY kind of permission. Like, strangers passing me on the street. Zero context. More than once, when I've shut down some weirdo asking how I got my scars in the grocery checkout line or what have you, the weirdo in question has responded, "Sorry. I figured if you didn't like talking about your skin thing, you'd cover it up. But you're wearing a tank. I figured you knew people are gonna have questions." They're even genuinely confused sometimes, like they do not actually comprehend that I, a woman, put on a tank top shirt because it's 90 degrees outside and this shirt doesnt have any holes in it and smells fine, and I couldn't care less what random men are going to think about my body. I'm a lesbian and this is a grocery store, Ryan. Let me pay for my absurdly overpriced milk and bananas without a fuss. Damn
Like why would they walk around with their stupid faces out if they didn't expect to get punched in them??! People can be so stupid I'm sorry you had to do go through that
Load More Replies... When I was 19, my voice was damaged after intubation. I'm 46 now, and if I had a penny for every person commenting "someone's been partying too hard", ""been to a concert?", "oh, are you sick?" and "you're voice is messed up"'s, I'd be a billionaire and could quit nurses like last month. It's frustrating how grown people can't just mind their own business.
For a shy child, it could have helped. On the other hand "she let me do it myself" implies that she set the example and gave the child the confidence to do it on their own.
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I would just give those people a nasty look while staring at them. It's rude to pull that c**p and it's none of their business.
I have a port wine stain on my leg/thigh and this exact reason is why I refused to wear shorts for many years also people thought it was a rash or burn 🔥 and I got sick of explaining
That makes me so extra sad for my son. He's had eczema his whole life and it seems like it might be starting to clear up, idk? He's only 4. And I know kids can be cruel, but adults saying stuff like that to you, dang. I'm so sorry some people are so terrible.
My reply for ANYTHING like that was: Outer Mongolian Jungle Rot. 98% of the time, I'd get a weird look and they wouldn't ask again.
i have eczema and i have given up caring about others voices. it so annoying
Asked by "family" most of the time: Do you really want to eat that (much)? Do you want to make me sad?
Be that as it may, I'm also absolutely sure that the tradition of asking children weird inappropriate questions will outlive us, and for a long time, and the only thing we can do to make kids more comfortable communicating with us is to simply think about whether it’s worth asking this or that question at all? And, of course, re-read the stories listed here again - perhaps this list will really benefit us.
What are you going to be when you grow up? I’m 67, and I still don’t know 🤷♀️
"Do you still believe in Santa?"
All you're doing is making them question Santa.
When I had my second baby, heaps of people asked my eldest (2) "Do you like your new baby brother?"
Apart from everything else, it's irrelevant. Like, we're definitely keeping this baby either way..
Yeah let me just go get a refund on this child if the eldest doesn't like them.
"Can I go to the bathroom please?"
"I don't know, can you?"
I could hike my leg anywhere I guess, but I'm being polite. The choice is yours, can I go to the bathroom or not?
I saw a reporter ask a 13 year old if he wanted to go to the olympics. He straight up told her that the junior nationals and junior worlds were more realistic goals right now. What a solid head that kid has.
anything that relates to the kid having a child when they grow up.
had this from my family growing up and it’s probably not a huge thing but asking a young girl if she’s going to have babies when she grows up is so (for lack of a better word) jarring. has made me want to practice abstinence 😐
Told my daughters it was their choice if they wanted to have kids or not.
Parents that have broken up and use the child as a middleman to pass messages and get sneak peek into what’s going on in their ex life.
I define children as those who are under 12 years old.
Dislike this one because anyone using their child (no matter the age) as a middle man for their squabble is an a*****e.
Will you take care of us when we get old
“Can you keep a secret?” Doesn’t matter what the secret is, that’s so confusing and puts a ton of pressure on the kid
If there's family dysfunction & a kid is going through a rough emotional period with moments of lashing out: "Do you really want to be like your mom/dad when you're older?"
This is absolutely ridiculous. My friends divorced because they were no longer in love but they are still best friends to this day.
Hi kids, do you like violence?
Wanna see me stick nine-inch nails through each one of my eyelids?
On the rocks or neat?
It's always a struggle to put ice in anything at my establishment. That crunch noise of getting ice out of the ice maker makes GoodBoi and the toddler teleport to the kitchen lol
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"do you like movies about gladiators?" Nobody has ever asked that question.
It's a refrence from the movie Airplane. Super inappropriate in the movie, but, I don't understand why it made this list because in terms in real life you're totally right that no one asked that question and if they have it was likely not inappropriate.
Load More Replies... I was homeschooled, I always got asked (or my parents got asked) how "socialization" works. 🤨
Asking little boys if they are the "man of the house" when the father is out/gone.
I think it's helpful, so that adults can recognize the things that aren't appropriate to ask kids.
Load More Replies... "do you like movies about gladiators?" Nobody has ever asked that question.
It's a refrence from the movie Airplane. Super inappropriate in the movie, but, I don't understand why it made this list because in terms in real life you're totally right that no one asked that question and if they have it was likely not inappropriate.
Load More Replies... I was homeschooled, I always got asked (or my parents got asked) how "socialization" works. 🤨
Asking little boys if they are the "man of the house" when the father is out/gone.
I think it's helpful, so that adults can recognize the things that aren't appropriate to ask kids.
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