When I was a preschooler, the top 2 questions that various adults asked me were always “What do you want to become when you grow up?” (well, yes, a 3 Y.O. kid makes some Napoleonic plans...) and “Who do you love more, dad or mom?” (great, then why not ask which lung is more comfortable for me to breathe with?)
Decades have passed - and we, adults, still continue to ask children, our own and others', questions of varying degrees of stupidity and inappropriateness, without even realizing that we're unwittingly traumatizing them. So here are almost three dozen similar stories, collected by Bored Panda from this viral thread in the AskReddit community.
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Asking a teenage girl if she's on her period any time she shows any emotion
“Why are you playing with [gender specific toy]? That’s for boys/girls.”
Asking if another child of the opposite sex is their boyfriend/girlfriend.
In fact, the tradition of asking children stupid questions goes back as far as the tradition of lisping and deliberately imitating toddlers' babbling. Well, then somehow it wasn't customary to pay as much attention to mental health as it is today, so a whole set of meaningless and allegedly 'cute' questions was formed that, like myths and legends, are passed down from generation to generation. Up until today, for sure.
Asking a question and rejecting any answer the kid gives unless it's the adults own opinion.
“why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”
i’m a young teenage girl, and both my step dad and his dad tell me all the time “can I marry you?” “If you don’t find a man soon I guess I’ll have to be the man!” “Have you found a boy yet?” followed up by “If not i’m single!” the worse one was my step dad: “If your mom ever divorces me then can you marry me?”
I don’t know why they say that all the time but God is it annoying.
@Bear Hall, yeah, I'm sorry, but this isn't fear for the daughter, I believe this is grooming. Grooming is a definite no-no. I agree with Alex and Sunny Day.
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This is gross. Ask them to stop. Tell your mother to ask them to stop because it makes you uncomfortable.
If my husband EVER said this to our daughter, I would divorce him. Excuse me while I vomit.
Maybe come up with some good response- like - "So have the cops taken your ankle bracelet off yet?" And just let it float out there...
there is a good chance that a step dad that would say that to a child is or will be a sex offender
One of my mom's now ex bfs admitted to me just before he moved out after they broke up "I wasn't interested in your mom. I wanted you."
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This! I really wish people talked about this more. Making comments like this or "oh, she's going to be a heartbreaker" etc is sexualising a child. It might seem like a harmless joke to an adult, but I was genuinely terrified of being forced to marry some creepy old guy when I was a kid, because I've had to listen to comments like this since I was probably three years old.
Nah that's pedophilia. idgaf what they explain it away with- thats creepy af
If it has to be explained, it's in the wrong. I second the creepy af.
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This is definitely grooming. And don't tell me they're just ignorant old dudes who don't know what they're saying is inappropriate. They know, they just don't care. They've been saying sh*t like that to girls and women their whole life and rely on not being challenged, which is why they pick a child/young girl in a position of expected subservience.
Keep both eyes on them. That's not appropriate. And if you haven't already you might want to let your mom know.
If she's anything like my mom, she'll have an excuse for when a negative occurs, take the dude's side after hearing both sides, STAY with the dude after concluding dude was in the wrong, then wonder why she rarely gets to see her granddaughter after daughter has moved out years prior.
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I would report that to CPS so fast. That's a pedo trying to groom a child.
I wonder if the mom is around when this is said because this is a super bright glaring red flag the these gross dudes are perverted. She needs to tell someone.
That is a FOREST of red flags! Run fast, run far, and if your mom won't go with you, then leave her behind...
Annoying? The word you are looking for is harassment. Maybe inappropiate.
Omg that's nasty. You know they have nasty stuff on their computers. Call the PoPo!
It is not annoying, it is disgusting and inappropriate. Does your mother know they say these things? Watch out for yourself and keep your distance.
I take back my original response tell the police a teacher, a counselor basically any trusted adult get the hell out of there I speak from experience
You are being sexually harassed, even if you don’t realize it. Tell your mother if she doesn’t know. If she does know go live with your father or another relative.
This is beyond cringy. And it appears that your mother is playing along with these creepy a-holes. Tell them you're queer.
100% teump voters.. just like their cult leader and his daughter
TOTALLY COMPLETELY UNDENIABLY INAPPROPRIATE. Since step-grandpa is sexually deviant no wonder stepdad is. This girl's mama needs to run from these two perverts and get a restraining order on both men.
It sounds like it's bordering on sexual abuse. Very creepy. Do you have someone safe you can talk to?
Disgusting. Any other adult who hears this should be appalled! Her own Mother isnt aware of this? This is such a mind f*** and seriously disturbs me so much I can barely think of what to write.
So much cringe... it's cute as heck when lil ones ask mom or dad to marry them cause they're kids and innocent but the other way around is just creepy
My mom used to tell me, when I was a preteen, that if she died it would be OK if I married her husband. This was not my dad, thank goodness, but still profoundly creepy and disgusting.
On the other hand, it seems that we adults sometimes simply don’t have the slightest idea what to talk about with children - especially if we are not their parents, and this is a kind of small talk. True, unlike any small talk between adults, our questions do sometimes look at least strange. To understand this, it’s enough to do one simple thing - just put yourself in the kid’s place and imagine exactly how you will answer this or that question. If you find it difficult to answer, it’s better to avoid asking.
"Why wont you give me a hug?" At a family event where everyone is staring.
In my experience "Because I don't really know you." "You smell funny." "I just want to go play with my cousins.."
When I got my period and they would ask “Don’t you feel like a woman?” or some c**p like that. I was 11 and not amused
No, ma. I don't feel like a woman. This is a period, not Shania Twain.
A separate category of questions comes from adults who are only superficially familiar with, for example, teens, about their emotions, physical health, or imposing their own opinions. Yes, you are an adult, you most likely have more life experience behind you - but this in no way gives you (and me too of course) any right to make value judgments and put it in the form of these 'innocent' questions. Just think back to your teenage years - and I’m almost sure that a couple of similar stories will pop up in your mind.
I had pretty severe eczema as a child. Refused to wear anything but long sleeves and pants even during hot, humid New England summers because every single time I left the house, at least one grown a*s person would ask, “what’s wrong with your skin?”
My mother spent a lot of time correcting grown ups on their behavior. When she got tired of it, she let me do it myself.
Asked by "family" most of the time: Do you really want to eat that (much)? Do you want to make me sad?
Be that as it may, I'm also absolutely sure that the tradition of asking children weird inappropriate questions will outlive us, and for a long time, and the only thing we can do to make kids more comfortable communicating with us is to simply think about whether it’s worth asking this or that question at all? And, of course, re-read the stories listed here again - perhaps this list will really benefit us.
What are you going to be when you grow up? I’m 67, and I still don’t know 🤷♀️
"Do you still believe in Santa?"
All you're doing is making them question Santa.
When I had my second baby, heaps of people asked my eldest (2) "Do you like your new baby brother?"
Apart from everything else, it's irrelevant. Like, we're definitely keeping this baby either way..
Yeah let me just go get a refund on this child if the eldest doesn't like them.
"Can I go to the bathroom please?"
"I don't know, can you?"
I could hike my leg anywhere I guess, but I'm being polite. The choice is yours, can I go to the bathroom or not?
I saw a reporter ask a 13 year old if he wanted to go to the olympics. He straight up told her that the junior nationals and junior worlds were more realistic goals right now. What a solid head that kid has.
anything that relates to the kid having a child when they grow up.
had this from my family growing up and it’s probably not a huge thing but asking a young girl if she’s going to have babies when she grows up is so (for lack of a better word) jarring. has made me want to practice abstinence 😐
Told my daughters it was their choice if they wanted to have kids or not.
Parents that have broken up and use the child as a middleman to pass messages and get sneak peek into what’s going on in their ex life.
I define children as those who are under 12 years old.
Dislike this one because anyone using their child (no matter the age) as a middle man for their squabble is an a*****e.
Will you take care of us when we get old
“Can you keep a secret?” Doesn’t matter what the secret is, that’s so confusing and puts a ton of pressure on the kid
If there's family dysfunction & a kid is going through a rough emotional period with moments of lashing out: "Do you really want to be like your mom/dad when you're older?"
This is absolutely ridiculous. My friends divorced because they were no longer in love but they are still best friends to this day.
Hi kids, do you like violence?
Wanna see me stick nine-inch nails through each one of my eyelids?
On the rocks or neat?
It's always a struggle to put ice in anything at my establishment. That crunch noise of getting ice out of the ice maker makes GoodBoi and the toddler teleport to the kitchen lol
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"do you like movies about gladiators?" Nobody has ever asked that question.
It's a refrence from the movie Airplane. Super inappropriate in the movie, but, I don't understand why it made this list because in terms in real life you're totally right that no one asked that question and if they have it was likely not inappropriate.
Load More Replies... I was homeschooled, I always got asked (or my parents got asked) how "socialization" works. 🤨
Asking little boys if they are the "man of the house" when the father is out/gone.
I think it's helpful, so that adults can recognize the things that aren't appropriate to ask kids.
Load More Replies... "do you like movies about gladiators?" Nobody has ever asked that question.
It's a refrence from the movie Airplane. Super inappropriate in the movie, but, I don't understand why it made this list because in terms in real life you're totally right that no one asked that question and if they have it was likely not inappropriate.
Load More Replies... I was homeschooled, I always got asked (or my parents got asked) how "socialization" works. 🤨
Asking little boys if they are the "man of the house" when the father is out/gone.
I think it's helpful, so that adults can recognize the things that aren't appropriate to ask kids.
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