6-Month-Old Baby Taken To Doctor After Her Grandma Secretly Pierced Her Ears
Mother truly knows best. Rarely do others possess the wisdom, intuition, and experience they have when it comes to their children. And still, some people completely dismiss this and try to teach them how to raise their kids the “right way.”
Similar to redditor Saltyseasoning21’s in-laws, who started nagging her about piercing her daughter’s ears shortly after she was born. She made it very clear that she wasn’t going to do it.
But the grandparents didn’t listen and got the baby’s ears pierced without her consent.
A mother wasn’t planning to pierce her newborn’s ears despite her in-laws nagging
Image credits: davidpereiras / evanto (not the actual photo)
But the grandparents weren’t having it and got them pierced without her consent
Image credits: Prostock-studio / evanto (not the actual photo)
Image source: saltyseasoning21
There’s an ongoing debate about whether babies’ ears should or shouldn’t be pierced
Image credits:Rajan Pugazh (not the actual photo)
In some cultures, ear piercings for babies are a routinely practiced procedure. For example, in Spain, nuns would pierce baby girls’ earlobes before they even left the hospital. A traditional first gift they would get from grandparents was a set of gold studs. And it’s practiced to this day, albeit not as often as before.
In other countries like the US or the UK, such a custom isn’t common at all, with some even calling it downright child abuse. With the two differing viewpoints, there’s bound to be a debate about whether infants’ ears should or shouldn’t be pierced. But it seems like there’s no wrong or right answer because like so many other decisions, it all comes down to the preference of parents.
One group of mothers and fathers think that there are certain decisions that people should be allowed to make for themselves once they reach a consenting age. This means that ear piercings aren’t something others should choose before the individual can do so for themselves. Others worry about the baby being allergic, uncomfortable, in pain, or at risk of infection.
Some believe that there is underlying symbolism that reinforces the idea that girls need to look pretty from the moment they are born. Therefore, parents refuse to pierce their kids’ ears to avoid putting them on the path of beauty and gendering before they can even speak, talk, or think for themselves.
There’s ultimately nothing wrong with it as long as precautionary measures are taken
Image credits: Vanessa (not the actual photo)
The American Academy of Pediatrics states that ear piercing is safe at any age. However, to avoid contamination, they encourage parents to postpone it until the child is mature enough to take care of the punctured earlobe themselves. Some pediatricians recommend waiting for at least four months so they have two rounds of vaccinations and are approved for good health.
Although safe, some precautions should be taken to minimize the risk of infection. For this, a licensed and reputable piercing location has to be chosen. Personnel carrying out the procedure should be aware of the hygiene protocol and its updates. Some mothers choose registered nurses to perform the procedure to be as cautious as possible.
It goes without saying that the parent has to take care of the puncture and keep it clean after the piercing. The healing time can range anywhere from two to six months, so it’s important to be consistent. Something that helps is using saltwater or saline to rinse it.
To avoid the risk of an allergic reaction, choose the correct earrings, preferably made of silver, titanium, or gold. New piercings are open wounds, so parents need to ensure that the material of the accessory is safe for the human body.
If the procedure is carried out correctly, the baby may even experience less pain rather than going through it later. An infant may also fidget or play less with their ears and earrings as compared to toddlers or older children, minimizing the risk of infection.
The mom was unanimously titled as being right
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they crack me up. its like : 1. Do you think its okay to skin babies alive? 2. Are you okay with lighting puppies on fire? 3. Cake is good 4. Hitler was misunderstood.
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Oh dear lord! Had I been the OP, my reaction would have gotten me arrested. I would have lost my mind!
Honestly I'm coming through the screen rn. I'm livid. I would absolutely give her a piece of my mind.
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I dated a woman 30 years ago who didn’t have pierced ears and viewed it as mutilation, and have had the same opinion ever since. It’s fine if you choose to have it done as a young adult or older, but no one, not even your parents, can make that decision for you. I’d have gone straight to the police immediately.
I agree. Even when a child says they want their ears pierced parents are too quick to jump on the band wagon without doing much research and find a reputable, professional piercer. They go to Claire's or do it at home. I had witnessed a mother piercing her teenage daughter's ears in a mall bathroom. The daughter was in pain. Does anyone really know what they're doing? I had mine done 2 times. Both got infected and had to come out right away. Never got them pierced again. That's when I was 4 and 6. No one's life is going to be ruined if they don't have holes in their ears to hang stuff on,
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I waited until my daughter wanted to get her ears pierced then I took her to get them done. When her best friend wanted one ear pierced I offered to pay for it as a birthday gift and I got the permission of both of his parents as they were divorced and I wasn’t comfortable just having one of them agree. Why would anyone think it’s ok to pierce someone else’s baby?
Their body. Their choice. Same with circumcision. You don't tattoo a baby or give them unnecessary plastic surgery either.
I grew up at a time when people beat children like me for being left handed. I moved abroad and work in a country where this form of violence against children is still commonplace.
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In Scotland it is illlegal to pierce a child's ears under 16. Not the same in the rest of Britain. My daughter wanted her ears pierced at a young age. One of the other children squeezed her lobes so hard that the stud at the back was pushed into her ears. She had to have them cut out at the hospital. On a personal level, I would of gone berserk if my inlaws had done that. t should be illegal to do it to a child under 16
As a Millennial in Wales it seemed like everyone had their ears pierced when I was in primary school. Finally got mine done aged 11, lasted less than a month, woke up one morning with the stud inside my ear and the hole closed over it (no idea how). Had to get it fixed by a doctor and it took me until my mid 20s to even consider getting them done again.
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My daughter wants her ears pierced (she's 6) but we told her no, for now. My wife's family has a tradition that, when the girl turns 10, if she wants her ears pierced, they all go together and make a day of it (sort of a right of passage sort of thing). There are a few reasons for this, but the main one is that at 10, a person is old enough to understand how to properly clean and care for piercings. A baby obviously can't do that- at six months old, they barely even realize they have ears. OP is so not the AH here.
Personally I wish my parents would've done it for me when I was young so that I didn't have to be coherent enough to endure and remember the pain from the first failed piercing and the week-long infection that I got from the second time I pierced them. I really like wearing earrings now but man would've loved not remembering what it was like getting them pierced.
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at that age, a baby's head is about 95% cartilage, that's why they have a soft spot! did the MIL even think that maybe the Mom wanted it to be a SPECIAL MOMENT IN HER LIVE? My lil sis got hers at age 13, and our mom and she went through picking out a real dia/gold set that she has to this day..... Now that lil girl has it{even if the holes grow over, they are still kinda there and they will just reput them in the hole, not "pierce" them}. . . . Also that for a BABY they should have asked for parents consent WITH BIRTH CERTIFICATE, I know this cause one of my aunts had her baby, at 12 months get her ears pierced, and they had to take the Birth Certificate to prove she was the baby mom and it was over a year old {apparently a lot of them won't do it if there younger then 1 year/12months}
Yes, they will have to repierce them. The holes absolutely will grow shut. I had mine pierced at 5, 8, 13, and then at like... 22? Only after the 15 one did it even scar. (That's when we figured out I was allergic to most metal, mainly nickel.) I can't imagine piercing a BABY'S ears. Babies/toddlers are grabby. How are they not ripping them out?? And then putting them in their mouth? Weird. My kids kept trying to rip MY earrings out.
Load More Replies... I've had body mods, as an adult. No you shouldn't be accepting of somebody else modifying your child's body.
I'm pretty certain that it's illegal to pierce a child's ears with out parental consent. OP should look into whether the piercer violated the law, or the gm lied to the piercer.
You are NEVER the ash sole when you oppose violent assault against children, NEVER the ash sole when you oppose violation of trust and responsibility.
NTA. I don’t care about “the culture”, mutilating someone without their willful enthusiastic consent is wrong. And guess what, merely being born into “the culture” is not consent.
NTA at all. I come from a culture wherr we get the ears pierced within 3 months they are born bcz they will be super tender and will heal easily. Irrespective of the culture, anything related to the baby should be totally your decision. People can tell the opinions but u shud hv the final say strictly. No one shud touch ur baby to do anything without ur permission.
At six months of age, an infant's immune system isn't developed enough to withstand septic infections. Had OP'S daughter's ears gotten infected, it could have resulted in a high fever, with disastrous results (how Helen Keller lost her sight and hearing). She may not even have survived the infection. MIL couldn't care less about her granddaughterr's health and well-being; she saw her as her personal doll, to accessorize as she chose. OP is NTA in keeping that horrid woman away from her child; who knows what else could have happened without her consent?
I & my middle sib both had our ears pierced at our request around age 7. We took good care of our ears & I still had issues where my earrings became embedded in my ears & had to go to the hospital to have them dug out. Twice. As a teenager I pierced my ears twice more for a total of three holes in each ear. I developed allergies to certain metals & serious sensitivity. Which really sucks because I make handmade jewelry & my favorite thing to make is earrings. Now if I wear earrings it's for special events & they come out of my ears the minute I walk through the door to my home because they become so inflamed & irritated. My baby sister is now in her 40s & has never had her ears pierced & doesn't regret that decision at all. I firmly believe this should be a decision made by the child w/their parents because their parents will have an idea of when they can teach the child to care for their ears & be responsible enough to actually do it. This set of inlaws are way out of bounds
I would've laid criminal charges! This is child abuse, in my opinion. And even if you don't see it as that, it's still unwise as ears grow, leaving the child with mishapen, off centre or crooked piercings. I got mine done at 12, like my mother and grandmother. It's such a breach of trust, because the grandmother KNEW OP had said "no" and did it anyway.
I teach primary children. Unless you are going to clean their piercings daily, please do not pierce your child's ears until they are old enough to look after them on their own. I've seen too many not taken care of properly and had many kids complain about how their ears hurt and ask me to take their earrings out.
As a person with multiple piercings this pi$$es me off. Places like Claire's and Walmart have no idea on how to properly clean nor train people on proper procedures for piercings. Taking an infant or anyone for that matter to these places cause more harm and risk for bloodbourne illnesses to spread. Ugh if this was my niece and someone did this I'd be in jail bc someone would catch hands.
Heavy-maintenance-31 is incorrect in the idea that piercing ear lobs is cartilage, it's soft tissue. The upper part is cartilage, just like any nose piercing is not cartilage... Unless the piercer messes up on the center(bull) one... Its up to the parents though. Also I had to get my ear(s) repierced a few days ago because my right lobe closes up and the woman drastically missed the left ear hole, luckily I was able to remove the new piercing(over 3mm off) and put the earring in the old hole. Some people cannot aim or center it..
My dad's mom did this to my sister and I. Granted, we were older kids at the time and wanted to do it, it never occurred to me as a child how rude that was to my mom, but now I know.
We got my granddaughters done when she was between 5-6 months because we waited for her to have her baby shots before doing it, and we asked her pediatrician when would be the best time because we didn't want her messing with them and this is when they suggested, I was there but it was my daughter's decision, she is her mother and I would have NEVER done this without her consent. I can't even imagine it, my granddaughter is 13 now, never had any trouble with her ears and still has only those one set of holes and she has started asking for the more expensive earrings and it's been fun, getting to buy her more jewelry that she appreciates... I always told my daughter, I love being a grandparent but i know my role and the main one is to support my daughter and HER rules for the way she wants to parent. My house rules may differ on a few things but nothing we haven't ever been able to work through and I've had my granddaughter just as much as her mother since she's a single parent.
I remember this pretty damn well. This was in the mid 90s btw. My parents forcing me 2get my ears done at 3yo.when she 1st told me I thot it would be fun but then she told me it would hurt and I would have to take care of them every single day for the rest of my life. At that point I told her no.They didn't listen though and tricked me into being okay with going into Claire's, saying we were just there for my older sister. As soon as my sis was done and all happy they told me to get in the chair. I spent at least a half an hour crying and wailing as they pinned me to the chair. The whole time the poor teenage piercer kept trying to politely tell my parents that I probably just wasn't ready while looking at me like she wished she could help. My mom kept saying you'll be glad you got them done now and that it'd be harder when I was older. & I kept wailing that I'd never want them done. I remember holding onto table legs and whatever else I could grab as they pulled me toward the chair.
So they finally won and pierced my ears and within two weeks I got massive infections, my ears swelling up with green puss. Turns out that I'm allergic to silver and nickel. So they never forced me to wear them again. I admit I was a teensy bit disappointed at first cuz all the other girls were wearing them and they were pretty. (not that I'd ever admit that to them) but afterwards I hardly ever thought about wanting them again. It's been decades and I am Soo glad I don't have to take care of earrings every day 😂
Load More Replies... I'm actually surprised by the excellent background here about the very different cultures and how different it is around the world. I remember one of my carers telling me her baby daughters ears were pierced and my face must have shown what I thought but she explained it was completely normal for her culture. I personally don't think it should be done until the child is old enough to look after it themselves and is also old enough to know not to put the earring, if it falls off as they do, into their mouth. It should be the parents decision based on their culture but should be much a older child. It should Not under any circumstances be carried out without the parents permission and a grandparent should never do this. The piercing place really should not have done it without the parent being there too. That's just insane and she is right to be so mad with the in laws. I'm UK, my carer was originally from the African continent.
First, violating the mother’s wishes seems to be a common thing these days, and I’m saying this as a boomer, so really, what is wrong with people? I watched my mother and mother in law ignore the rules their grandchild’s parents put down and I thought “they’d never have put up with this from their parents why do they think it’s okay to do it to their children?” Secondly, I saw some make the comment regarding calling the police as well as complaining against the person/place who did the piercing. As a retired U.S. police officer I’m not sure trying to make the piercing a crime (and that’s what getting police involved means) would hold up in court. The police could make the report but odds are the prosecutor would laugh at the officer who wrote it and toss it in the bin. It depends I guess on where it happened. Also, if the grandparent was willing to sneak and get the piercing done they probably also lie about who was the guardian of the child to the person piercing.
I'm a 65-year-old woman who never pierced her ears. Spouse doesn't give a whoop. Saved a lot of money ignoring my lobes.
I don't think is bad to pierce the ears of a baby. It is really uncommon to see baby girls without their ears pierced in my country, hell, they even do it in the hospitals as soon as the baby is born so it is safe (only if the mother requests it). I think the MIL is really disrespectful towards the mom and her choice, it is awful that she did that. The mother wanted to wait until her daughter had the age to ask, why MIL didn't respected that decision?....I'm mad because if someone did something to my baby that I think is dangerous I'll made that person meet its creator....
This really hits home with me. Although it wasn't a "cultural" issue...when my daughter was 5 yrs old, my MIL at the time asked me about piercing her ears. I straight out told her that IF my daughter wanted her ears pierced, that I wanted to do it with her on her 8th birthday. Something my grandmother did with my mother and my mother did with me. About 6 months later, when I picked my daughter up from an overtime stay at Grandmas....my MiL acted all excited and told my daughter to show me the 'surprise' she had for me. And then my daughter pulled her hair back to show me two freshly pierced ears with studs in them. I...was...livid. Beyond angry. I took my daughter and immediately left. I don't think I talked to my MIL for MONTHS!! Thing is too...my daughter didn't even want them pierced!
Mom is absolutely right! I would not let these a******s be alone with the child until she's able to defend herself. Don't give a damn about your culture, it's NOT their place to make any kind of decision for a young person, especially an invasive, painful and potentially dangerous one! In otherwords, In-laws, BackThe Hell Off!!!
My mil was a hair dresser and out of respect for me she never once cut my daughter's hair without my permission. This is about trust and respect. That mil was out of line.
I'm from India, where ear piercing is done when the baby is still an infant and after 3 months. It's recommended to do it only after the baby has had their first round of vaccinations and has a stronger immunity. Also, the piercings aren't just over the counter Claire's kind of thing but at proper jewellery legacy stores that have been doing this for decades. Earlier it was done by priests at a ceremony but I guess they don't do that anymore. The first earring is always gold or silver. Either way, I have no side to this. It really is cultural and parents have the right to decide.I think its trickier to pierce the ears when a kid is tween and can give consent because they'll always remember the trauma from the pain they felt and will constantly touch their ears, not allowing it to heal well and opening a gateway for infections. Adults might fare better in this instance.
To add, mine wear pierced as an infant. I wore earrings during my childhood and eventually stopped with I was in close to my 20s. The hole still remains. A lot of people I know had to re-pierce their ears. Mine just required a forceful push when I do want to wear earrings for any occasion.
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I hope the person who said "f**k those cultures" never went on vacation to Spain or Italy. It'd be really hypocritical.
I think the person screaming that the MIL "mutilated" the baby's ears needs to chill out. Sure it's wrong to get them pierced when the parents don't agree but being hyperbolic about it is just ridiculous. Even if you've worn earrings for years if you stop wearing them there is a good chance the hole will heal over time. Unless you've stretched the hole so that the sides no longer make contact it will heal eventually and it's not like it'll leave a scar. The MIL is a horrible person though. Deliberately ignoring a parents wishes... where is that going to stop? "Oh tattoos are common in our culture, let's get the baby a tat!"
Any body modification done without consent is by definition mutilation.
Load More Replies... I don’t have memory of this, but I’m told that when my mother was at work, my grandmother was looking after me, and had my great-grandmother pierce my earlobes with red hot needle. My mother took me to the doctor and the doctor of course scolded her that my ears could get infected, to which my grandmother answered “ Nonsense, ( my great grandmother) has pierced the ears of half her village”.
I am from a country where we have the custom to get the earlobes pierced before the baby leaves the hospital. It is fast and heals quickly. My mother refused to because nobody in my family has earlobes pierced. I wanted to wear earrings and was so jealous of other girls at school! But I must wait until i was 16 and parental consent was not required. Well, I find nothing wrong on earrings in newborns, but the whole responsibility is on parents, not on grandmother or cousins or which evil. Probably I would mould my MIL in square ball and send her on the most lost island in the middle of nowhere...
I think of all the other things you need to do with a baby, then you need to wash your hands to disinfect tiny earlobes? No thanks and you have to twist them regularly so they heal properly. Would this mother in law also insist on female circumcision?
The twisting thing is a MAJOR no-no! We're not sticking porous bits of wood into fresh piercings, jewellery is metal. All twisting them is doing is reopening a wound and inviting in an infection. No touchy at all with your hands, only touchy with salt water to clean them, do not move or twist any jewellery.
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If anyone took care of my child and did anything that permanently changed her then my next phone call would be to the Police. Unless my child is in immediate medical danger then all decisions go through me and / or her Mum. I don’t care what your traditions are, I don’t care what your beliefs are, I don’t actually care how you think my parenting is tbh, if you agree to look after her then that means you won’t abuse her or my trust in you.
When my best friend had a baby girl, she didn't want her to pierce her ears either until the child were old enough to ask for it. Both grandmas joke around about "piercing her ears when the baby was with them". My friend's reply to her own mother and mother in law was "Ok, do it and I will go to the police and ask for a restraining order against both of you". They shut up and didn't bother her again with that. Now the kid is 6 yo and just wanted to have her ears pierced
This is a clear example of lack of boundaries. As in many other situations in life, no means no. Whatever you feel like, whatever your culture, traditions or religion says, no means no. What granny wants is irrelevant here, because the parents said no, and that should be enough. I'm not surprised the entitled MIL has been banned from looking after the baby. I wouldn't trust her either.
I wanted my ears peirced for a LONG time. My mom and I talked about and agreed that I could get it done. On my 13th birthday. My daughter wanted her's pierced when she was about 8. I bought a set of magnetic earrings that look like pierced and told her if she cared from them properly for the 2 months it took for "piercings to heal" we'd get them done. She cleaned her magnetic piercings faithfully twice a day for 8 weeks. I told her exactly what piercing involved, and we had them pierced that weekend. She sat still and never made a sound when she had them done. She knew what to expect and what she needed to do. She never had a problem with her piercings. A baby cannot know what is happening. Cannot care for the piercing, and cannot say yes or no. Piercing a baby's ears is wrong.
I'm against piercing a baby's ears. They should be old enough to know what they are asking for and how to take care of them. I told my sister I would not watch the baby if they put holes in her ears. On her first birthday her aunt on the other side decided that was what she was going to do. She told my sister and my sister told her No, she would lose her babysitter. That the aunt would take the baby and have it done and then I wouldn't have any say in the matter. Again my sister said no and wouldn't let the other aunt let her take care of the baby alone. When we had the birthday party. The other aunt ask me would I care if she had them pierced, I explained my view and wouldn't watch the baby if she had her ears pierced. She tried to make like I was kidding about it. I said no ear or other thing pierced until the child ask for it could take care of them. My sister told her if she got the ears pierced before I said yes, then the other aunt had to be the babysitter. The baby was 10.
I got my ears pierced in 8th grade for a spring dance (that ended up canceled because COVID). I think I remember my mom low key pressuring me to get them pierced, but it was ultimately my decision (kind of, my mom pressures a lot). I do know that she never would have tolerated anyone getting my ears pierced when I was a baby, or at all with both her and my consent.
Not ONLY did your MIL disregard your wishes, she MAY have ruined the baby's lobes for further piercing. My daughter's earring post went SIDEWAYS in the hole. I had to take her to a plastic surgeon to cut it out. We took them out on both sides. Years later, she had so much scar tissue in both lobes from the previous holes closing that even the dermatologist recommended not piercing them again!
I don’t think that anyone should get their child’s ears pierced before the kid is old enough to make that decision about their own body themselves.
For those who are saying "well, it's before they can remember the pain", whether you're talking earrings or circumcision, it doesn't mean the pain doesn't have an effect on the child. They will still carry unconscious trauma memory of that pain, and all of that gets imprinted into the brain. If the rest of the childhood is trauma-free, usually the person will be fine. But if enough other childhood traumas happen too, they'll compound upon that first one, and you'll end up with a very dysfunctional adult. "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk explains this well.
My ears were pierced when I was a toddler. It was normal practise back then. Girls had to have pierced ears. I kept taking earrings out because I hated the feel (undiagnosed autism). Mum actually took me to get them re-pierced once because they'd grown closed. The second I turned 18, I took my earrings out and said "never again."
She had a right to be upset because the MIL violated her trust and went against her decision. However for the commenters saying that the MIL assaulted the baby and what she did is akin to child abuse they are being EXTRA and disingenuous. Give me a break. By saying that they are diminishing what is child abuse and assault.
That presumptuous mother in law will suck c***s in hell for eternity for her outrageous behavior that fateful day.
I grew up in Miami, FL. My ears were pierced as a baby and I'm glad they were. I can't believe people these days think that and circumcising baby boys is "baby mutilation" or "child abuse." Get the hell over yourselves, not everyone does or HAS to agree with you, so keep your opinions to yourselves. If someone came up to me in public and said I mutilated my baby because I had a girl's ears pierced or my boy circumcised (not that a stranger would know that obviously, just hypothetically,) I'd tell them to F off and mind their own damn business. People are so judgemental, high and mighty and pathetically overly sensitive these days it's nauseating. I don't care if you don't do it for your kids, that's your choice, but I have a right to my choice too. Get off your high horses and grow a damn backbone.
My( female swedish) daughter was born in Spain 18 years ago. At the hospital her father was told to buy gold baby studs that they would put in on day 3, since the ear's nerves has not grown down into the lobe until day 6. I insisted they did this while I was watching, ( I was not completely trusting) and she was sleeping through the whole procedure. We got careful instrukctions about cleaning and it was healed very quick. When I brought her to sweden for a visit 6 months later strangers stopped me in the street, full of abuse and outrage. Different culture and practises.
It is a lie and a fiction that "babies can't feel pain". That's the 'argument' used to justify sexually mutilating infant boys, usually done without anaesthetic. Their screams of pain say otherwise. Even invasive surgery is sometimes done on infants without anaesthetic. Studies have proven that abuse of infants cause permanent changes to the brain and PTSD. [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ceht-3xu84I ] Start watching ten minutes into that video and try to tell me that baby (not given any anaesthetic) isn't screaming in pain.
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they crack me up. its like : 1. Do you think its okay to skin babies alive? 2. Are you okay with lighting puppies on fire? 3. Cake is good 4. Hitler was misunderstood.
Load More Replies... Oh dear lord! Had I been the OP, my reaction would have gotten me arrested. I would have lost my mind!
Honestly I'm coming through the screen rn. I'm livid. I would absolutely give her a piece of my mind.
Load More Replies... I dated a woman 30 years ago who didn’t have pierced ears and viewed it as mutilation, and have had the same opinion ever since. It’s fine if you choose to have it done as a young adult or older, but no one, not even your parents, can make that decision for you. I’d have gone straight to the police immediately.
I agree. Even when a child says they want their ears pierced parents are too quick to jump on the band wagon without doing much research and find a reputable, professional piercer. They go to Claire's or do it at home. I had witnessed a mother piercing her teenage daughter's ears in a mall bathroom. The daughter was in pain. Does anyone really know what they're doing? I had mine done 2 times. Both got infected and had to come out right away. Never got them pierced again. That's when I was 4 and 6. No one's life is going to be ruined if they don't have holes in their ears to hang stuff on,
Load More Replies... I waited until my daughter wanted to get her ears pierced then I took her to get them done. When her best friend wanted one ear pierced I offered to pay for it as a birthday gift and I got the permission of both of his parents as they were divorced and I wasn’t comfortable just having one of them agree. Why would anyone think it’s ok to pierce someone else’s baby?
Their body. Their choice. Same with circumcision. You don't tattoo a baby or give them unnecessary plastic surgery either.
I grew up at a time when people beat children like me for being left handed. I moved abroad and work in a country where this form of violence against children is still commonplace.
Load More Replies... In Scotland it is illlegal to pierce a child's ears under 16. Not the same in the rest of Britain. My daughter wanted her ears pierced at a young age. One of the other children squeezed her lobes so hard that the stud at the back was pushed into her ears. She had to have them cut out at the hospital. On a personal level, I would of gone berserk if my inlaws had done that. t should be illegal to do it to a child under 16
As a Millennial in Wales it seemed like everyone had their ears pierced when I was in primary school. Finally got mine done aged 11, lasted less than a month, woke up one morning with the stud inside my ear and the hole closed over it (no idea how). Had to get it fixed by a doctor and it took me until my mid 20s to even consider getting them done again.
Load More Replies... My daughter wants her ears pierced (she's 6) but we told her no, for now. My wife's family has a tradition that, when the girl turns 10, if she wants her ears pierced, they all go together and make a day of it (sort of a right of passage sort of thing). There are a few reasons for this, but the main one is that at 10, a person is old enough to understand how to properly clean and care for piercings. A baby obviously can't do that- at six months old, they barely even realize they have ears. OP is so not the AH here.
Personally I wish my parents would've done it for me when I was young so that I didn't have to be coherent enough to endure and remember the pain from the first failed piercing and the week-long infection that I got from the second time I pierced them. I really like wearing earrings now but man would've loved not remembering what it was like getting them pierced.
Load More Replies... at that age, a baby's head is about 95% cartilage, that's why they have a soft spot! did the MIL even think that maybe the Mom wanted it to be a SPECIAL MOMENT IN HER LIVE? My lil sis got hers at age 13, and our mom and she went through picking out a real dia/gold set that she has to this day..... Now that lil girl has it{even if the holes grow over, they are still kinda there and they will just reput them in the hole, not "pierce" them}. . . . Also that for a BABY they should have asked for parents consent WITH BIRTH CERTIFICATE, I know this cause one of my aunts had her baby, at 12 months get her ears pierced, and they had to take the Birth Certificate to prove she was the baby mom and it was over a year old {apparently a lot of them won't do it if there younger then 1 year/12months}
Yes, they will have to repierce them. The holes absolutely will grow shut. I had mine pierced at 5, 8, 13, and then at like... 22? Only after the 15 one did it even scar. (That's when we figured out I was allergic to most metal, mainly nickel.) I can't imagine piercing a BABY'S ears. Babies/toddlers are grabby. How are they not ripping them out?? And then putting them in their mouth? Weird. My kids kept trying to rip MY earrings out.
Load More Replies... I've had body mods, as an adult. No you shouldn't be accepting of somebody else modifying your child's body.
I'm pretty certain that it's illegal to pierce a child's ears with out parental consent. OP should look into whether the piercer violated the law, or the gm lied to the piercer.
You are NEVER the ash sole when you oppose violent assault against children, NEVER the ash sole when you oppose violation of trust and responsibility.
NTA. I don’t care about “the culture”, mutilating someone without their willful enthusiastic consent is wrong. And guess what, merely being born into “the culture” is not consent.
NTA at all. I come from a culture wherr we get the ears pierced within 3 months they are born bcz they will be super tender and will heal easily. Irrespective of the culture, anything related to the baby should be totally your decision. People can tell the opinions but u shud hv the final say strictly. No one shud touch ur baby to do anything without ur permission.
At six months of age, an infant's immune system isn't developed enough to withstand septic infections. Had OP'S daughter's ears gotten infected, it could have resulted in a high fever, with disastrous results (how Helen Keller lost her sight and hearing). She may not even have survived the infection. MIL couldn't care less about her granddaughterr's health and well-being; she saw her as her personal doll, to accessorize as she chose. OP is NTA in keeping that horrid woman away from her child; who knows what else could have happened without her consent?
I & my middle sib both had our ears pierced at our request around age 7. We took good care of our ears & I still had issues where my earrings became embedded in my ears & had to go to the hospital to have them dug out. Twice. As a teenager I pierced my ears twice more for a total of three holes in each ear. I developed allergies to certain metals & serious sensitivity. Which really sucks because I make handmade jewelry & my favorite thing to make is earrings. Now if I wear earrings it's for special events & they come out of my ears the minute I walk through the door to my home because they become so inflamed & irritated. My baby sister is now in her 40s & has never had her ears pierced & doesn't regret that decision at all. I firmly believe this should be a decision made by the child w/their parents because their parents will have an idea of when they can teach the child to care for their ears & be responsible enough to actually do it. This set of inlaws are way out of bounds
I would've laid criminal charges! This is child abuse, in my opinion. And even if you don't see it as that, it's still unwise as ears grow, leaving the child with mishapen, off centre or crooked piercings. I got mine done at 12, like my mother and grandmother. It's such a breach of trust, because the grandmother KNEW OP had said "no" and did it anyway.
I teach primary children. Unless you are going to clean their piercings daily, please do not pierce your child's ears until they are old enough to look after them on their own. I've seen too many not taken care of properly and had many kids complain about how their ears hurt and ask me to take their earrings out.
As a person with multiple piercings this pi$$es me off. Places like Claire's and Walmart have no idea on how to properly clean nor train people on proper procedures for piercings. Taking an infant or anyone for that matter to these places cause more harm and risk for bloodbourne illnesses to spread. Ugh if this was my niece and someone did this I'd be in jail bc someone would catch hands.
Heavy-maintenance-31 is incorrect in the idea that piercing ear lobs is cartilage, it's soft tissue. The upper part is cartilage, just like any nose piercing is not cartilage... Unless the piercer messes up on the center(bull) one... Its up to the parents though. Also I had to get my ear(s) repierced a few days ago because my right lobe closes up and the woman drastically missed the left ear hole, luckily I was able to remove the new piercing(over 3mm off) and put the earring in the old hole. Some people cannot aim or center it..
My dad's mom did this to my sister and I. Granted, we were older kids at the time and wanted to do it, it never occurred to me as a child how rude that was to my mom, but now I know.
We got my granddaughters done when she was between 5-6 months because we waited for her to have her baby shots before doing it, and we asked her pediatrician when would be the best time because we didn't want her messing with them and this is when they suggested, I was there but it was my daughter's decision, she is her mother and I would have NEVER done this without her consent. I can't even imagine it, my granddaughter is 13 now, never had any trouble with her ears and still has only those one set of holes and she has started asking for the more expensive earrings and it's been fun, getting to buy her more jewelry that she appreciates... I always told my daughter, I love being a grandparent but i know my role and the main one is to support my daughter and HER rules for the way she wants to parent. My house rules may differ on a few things but nothing we haven't ever been able to work through and I've had my granddaughter just as much as her mother since she's a single parent.
I remember this pretty damn well. This was in the mid 90s btw. My parents forcing me 2get my ears done at 3yo.when she 1st told me I thot it would be fun but then she told me it would hurt and I would have to take care of them every single day for the rest of my life. At that point I told her no.They didn't listen though and tricked me into being okay with going into Claire's, saying we were just there for my older sister. As soon as my sis was done and all happy they told me to get in the chair. I spent at least a half an hour crying and wailing as they pinned me to the chair. The whole time the poor teenage piercer kept trying to politely tell my parents that I probably just wasn't ready while looking at me like she wished she could help. My mom kept saying you'll be glad you got them done now and that it'd be harder when I was older. & I kept wailing that I'd never want them done. I remember holding onto table legs and whatever else I could grab as they pulled me toward the chair.
So they finally won and pierced my ears and within two weeks I got massive infections, my ears swelling up with green puss. Turns out that I'm allergic to silver and nickel. So they never forced me to wear them again. I admit I was a teensy bit disappointed at first cuz all the other girls were wearing them and they were pretty. (not that I'd ever admit that to them) but afterwards I hardly ever thought about wanting them again. It's been decades and I am Soo glad I don't have to take care of earrings every day 😂
Load More Replies... I'm actually surprised by the excellent background here about the very different cultures and how different it is around the world. I remember one of my carers telling me her baby daughters ears were pierced and my face must have shown what I thought but she explained it was completely normal for her culture. I personally don't think it should be done until the child is old enough to look after it themselves and is also old enough to know not to put the earring, if it falls off as they do, into their mouth. It should be the parents decision based on their culture but should be much a older child. It should Not under any circumstances be carried out without the parents permission and a grandparent should never do this. The piercing place really should not have done it without the parent being there too. That's just insane and she is right to be so mad with the in laws. I'm UK, my carer was originally from the African continent.
First, violating the mother’s wishes seems to be a common thing these days, and I’m saying this as a boomer, so really, what is wrong with people? I watched my mother and mother in law ignore the rules their grandchild’s parents put down and I thought “they’d never have put up with this from their parents why do they think it’s okay to do it to their children?” Secondly, I saw some make the comment regarding calling the police as well as complaining against the person/place who did the piercing. As a retired U.S. police officer I’m not sure trying to make the piercing a crime (and that’s what getting police involved means) would hold up in court. The police could make the report but odds are the prosecutor would laugh at the officer who wrote it and toss it in the bin. It depends I guess on where it happened. Also, if the grandparent was willing to sneak and get the piercing done they probably also lie about who was the guardian of the child to the person piercing.
I'm a 65-year-old woman who never pierced her ears. Spouse doesn't give a whoop. Saved a lot of money ignoring my lobes.
I don't think is bad to pierce the ears of a baby. It is really uncommon to see baby girls without their ears pierced in my country, hell, they even do it in the hospitals as soon as the baby is born so it is safe (only if the mother requests it). I think the MIL is really disrespectful towards the mom and her choice, it is awful that she did that. The mother wanted to wait until her daughter had the age to ask, why MIL didn't respected that decision?....I'm mad because if someone did something to my baby that I think is dangerous I'll made that person meet its creator....
This really hits home with me. Although it wasn't a "cultural" issue...when my daughter was 5 yrs old, my MIL at the time asked me about piercing her ears. I straight out told her that IF my daughter wanted her ears pierced, that I wanted to do it with her on her 8th birthday. Something my grandmother did with my mother and my mother did with me. About 6 months later, when I picked my daughter up from an overtime stay at Grandmas....my MiL acted all excited and told my daughter to show me the 'surprise' she had for me. And then my daughter pulled her hair back to show me two freshly pierced ears with studs in them. I...was...livid. Beyond angry. I took my daughter and immediately left. I don't think I talked to my MIL for MONTHS!! Thing is too...my daughter didn't even want them pierced!
Mom is absolutely right! I would not let these a******s be alone with the child until she's able to defend herself. Don't give a damn about your culture, it's NOT their place to make any kind of decision for a young person, especially an invasive, painful and potentially dangerous one! In otherwords, In-laws, BackThe Hell Off!!!
My mil was a hair dresser and out of respect for me she never once cut my daughter's hair without my permission. This is about trust and respect. That mil was out of line.
I'm from India, where ear piercing is done when the baby is still an infant and after 3 months. It's recommended to do it only after the baby has had their first round of vaccinations and has a stronger immunity. Also, the piercings aren't just over the counter Claire's kind of thing but at proper jewellery legacy stores that have been doing this for decades. Earlier it was done by priests at a ceremony but I guess they don't do that anymore. The first earring is always gold or silver. Either way, I have no side to this. It really is cultural and parents have the right to decide.I think its trickier to pierce the ears when a kid is tween and can give consent because they'll always remember the trauma from the pain they felt and will constantly touch their ears, not allowing it to heal well and opening a gateway for infections. Adults might fare better in this instance.
To add, mine wear pierced as an infant. I wore earrings during my childhood and eventually stopped with I was in close to my 20s. The hole still remains. A lot of people I know had to re-pierce their ears. Mine just required a forceful push when I do want to wear earrings for any occasion.
Load More Replies... I hope the person who said "f**k those cultures" never went on vacation to Spain or Italy. It'd be really hypocritical.
I think the person screaming that the MIL "mutilated" the baby's ears needs to chill out. Sure it's wrong to get them pierced when the parents don't agree but being hyperbolic about it is just ridiculous. Even if you've worn earrings for years if you stop wearing them there is a good chance the hole will heal over time. Unless you've stretched the hole so that the sides no longer make contact it will heal eventually and it's not like it'll leave a scar. The MIL is a horrible person though. Deliberately ignoring a parents wishes... where is that going to stop? "Oh tattoos are common in our culture, let's get the baby a tat!"
Any body modification done without consent is by definition mutilation.
Load More Replies... I don’t have memory of this, but I’m told that when my mother was at work, my grandmother was looking after me, and had my great-grandmother pierce my earlobes with red hot needle. My mother took me to the doctor and the doctor of course scolded her that my ears could get infected, to which my grandmother answered “ Nonsense, ( my great grandmother) has pierced the ears of half her village”.
I am from a country where we have the custom to get the earlobes pierced before the baby leaves the hospital. It is fast and heals quickly. My mother refused to because nobody in my family has earlobes pierced. I wanted to wear earrings and was so jealous of other girls at school! But I must wait until i was 16 and parental consent was not required. Well, I find nothing wrong on earrings in newborns, but the whole responsibility is on parents, not on grandmother or cousins or which evil. Probably I would mould my MIL in square ball and send her on the most lost island in the middle of nowhere...
I think of all the other things you need to do with a baby, then you need to wash your hands to disinfect tiny earlobes? No thanks and you have to twist them regularly so they heal properly. Would this mother in law also insist on female circumcision?
The twisting thing is a MAJOR no-no! We're not sticking porous bits of wood into fresh piercings, jewellery is metal. All twisting them is doing is reopening a wound and inviting in an infection. No touchy at all with your hands, only touchy with salt water to clean them, do not move or twist any jewellery.
Load More Replies... If anyone took care of my child and did anything that permanently changed her then my next phone call would be to the Police. Unless my child is in immediate medical danger then all decisions go through me and / or her Mum. I don’t care what your traditions are, I don’t care what your beliefs are, I don’t actually care how you think my parenting is tbh, if you agree to look after her then that means you won’t abuse her or my trust in you.
When my best friend had a baby girl, she didn't want her to pierce her ears either until the child were old enough to ask for it. Both grandmas joke around about "piercing her ears when the baby was with them". My friend's reply to her own mother and mother in law was "Ok, do it and I will go to the police and ask for a restraining order against both of you". They shut up and didn't bother her again with that. Now the kid is 6 yo and just wanted to have her ears pierced
This is a clear example of lack of boundaries. As in many other situations in life, no means no. Whatever you feel like, whatever your culture, traditions or religion says, no means no. What granny wants is irrelevant here, because the parents said no, and that should be enough. I'm not surprised the entitled MIL has been banned from looking after the baby. I wouldn't trust her either.
I wanted my ears peirced for a LONG time. My mom and I talked about and agreed that I could get it done. On my 13th birthday. My daughter wanted her's pierced when she was about 8. I bought a set of magnetic earrings that look like pierced and told her if she cared from them properly for the 2 months it took for "piercings to heal" we'd get them done. She cleaned her magnetic piercings faithfully twice a day for 8 weeks. I told her exactly what piercing involved, and we had them pierced that weekend. She sat still and never made a sound when she had them done. She knew what to expect and what she needed to do. She never had a problem with her piercings. A baby cannot know what is happening. Cannot care for the piercing, and cannot say yes or no. Piercing a baby's ears is wrong.
I'm against piercing a baby's ears. They should be old enough to know what they are asking for and how to take care of them. I told my sister I would not watch the baby if they put holes in her ears. On her first birthday her aunt on the other side decided that was what she was going to do. She told my sister and my sister told her No, she would lose her babysitter. That the aunt would take the baby and have it done and then I wouldn't have any say in the matter. Again my sister said no and wouldn't let the other aunt let her take care of the baby alone. When we had the birthday party. The other aunt ask me would I care if she had them pierced, I explained my view and wouldn't watch the baby if she had her ears pierced. She tried to make like I was kidding about it. I said no ear or other thing pierced until the child ask for it could take care of them. My sister told her if she got the ears pierced before I said yes, then the other aunt had to be the babysitter. The baby was 10.
I got my ears pierced in 8th grade for a spring dance (that ended up canceled because COVID). I think I remember my mom low key pressuring me to get them pierced, but it was ultimately my decision (kind of, my mom pressures a lot). I do know that she never would have tolerated anyone getting my ears pierced when I was a baby, or at all with both her and my consent.
Not ONLY did your MIL disregard your wishes, she MAY have ruined the baby's lobes for further piercing. My daughter's earring post went SIDEWAYS in the hole. I had to take her to a plastic surgeon to cut it out. We took them out on both sides. Years later, she had so much scar tissue in both lobes from the previous holes closing that even the dermatologist recommended not piercing them again!
I don’t think that anyone should get their child’s ears pierced before the kid is old enough to make that decision about their own body themselves.
For those who are saying "well, it's before they can remember the pain", whether you're talking earrings or circumcision, it doesn't mean the pain doesn't have an effect on the child. They will still carry unconscious trauma memory of that pain, and all of that gets imprinted into the brain. If the rest of the childhood is trauma-free, usually the person will be fine. But if enough other childhood traumas happen too, they'll compound upon that first one, and you'll end up with a very dysfunctional adult. "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk explains this well.
My ears were pierced when I was a toddler. It was normal practise back then. Girls had to have pierced ears. I kept taking earrings out because I hated the feel (undiagnosed autism). Mum actually took me to get them re-pierced once because they'd grown closed. The second I turned 18, I took my earrings out and said "never again."
She had a right to be upset because the MIL violated her trust and went against her decision. However for the commenters saying that the MIL assaulted the baby and what she did is akin to child abuse they are being EXTRA and disingenuous. Give me a break. By saying that they are diminishing what is child abuse and assault.
That presumptuous mother in law will suck c***s in hell for eternity for her outrageous behavior that fateful day.
I grew up in Miami, FL. My ears were pierced as a baby and I'm glad they were. I can't believe people these days think that and circumcising baby boys is "baby mutilation" or "child abuse." Get the hell over yourselves, not everyone does or HAS to agree with you, so keep your opinions to yourselves. If someone came up to me in public and said I mutilated my baby because I had a girl's ears pierced or my boy circumcised (not that a stranger would know that obviously, just hypothetically,) I'd tell them to F off and mind their own damn business. People are so judgemental, high and mighty and pathetically overly sensitive these days it's nauseating. I don't care if you don't do it for your kids, that's your choice, but I have a right to my choice too. Get off your high horses and grow a damn backbone.
My( female swedish) daughter was born in Spain 18 years ago. At the hospital her father was told to buy gold baby studs that they would put in on day 3, since the ear's nerves has not grown down into the lobe until day 6. I insisted they did this while I was watching, ( I was not completely trusting) and she was sleeping through the whole procedure. We got careful instrukctions about cleaning and it was healed very quick. When I brought her to sweden for a visit 6 months later strangers stopped me in the street, full of abuse and outrage. Different culture and practises.
It is a lie and a fiction that "babies can't feel pain". That's the 'argument' used to justify sexually mutilating infant boys, usually done without anaesthetic. Their screams of pain say otherwise. Even invasive surgery is sometimes done on infants without anaesthetic. Studies have proven that abuse of infants cause permanent changes to the brain and PTSD. [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ceht-3xu84I ] Start watching ten minutes into that video and try to tell me that baby (not given any anaesthetic) isn't screaming in pain.
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