Kate McDonough, an illustrator living in South Dakota, USA, doesn’t want kids, and some people can’t seem to make peace with it.
McDonough loves to draw comics, portraits, and lots of other silly things. “Humor has always been at the root of most of my work, it’s how I cope with the anxiety and health issues I’ve experienced over time,” she told Bored Panda.
So, since art has been McDonough’s preferred way of expressing herself, she decided to explain her decision to not have children through a comic. And she did an excellent job. Not only did the cartoonist perfectly capture her own — and so many other’s — feelings, but described the way society tends to treat them as well, making people reflect and rethink their take on the subject.
More info: prettyprettyugly.com | ETSY | Facebook | Instagram
Image credits: katemcdonough
McDonough thinks that some people are uncomfortable when she says she doesn’t want kids because they have trouble understanding where she’s coming from. Especially, if they have kids of their own. “They may not be able to imagine not having that joy in their life. It also might be awkward because people tend to expect the standard answer of ‘Oh, we’ll be trying soon!’ There isn’t a standard answer to give when someone says they don’t want kids.”
“The end of my comic tries to address that issue, not much needs to be said other than acceptance!” the artist explained. “Asking about children has also been the standard for a long time, and I think people are starting to realize that there are so many reasons someone might not have children. It’s really best not to ask unprompted. If someone wants to talk about their decision to have children or not, it’s helpful to be supportive and possibly ask questions if it seems right.”
When it comes to discussions within a couple, McDonough believes that having kids is one of the things people should talk about. “Even if you are a young couple and have no current plans of children, down the line it can become a very emotionally difficult issue,” she said. “For a lot of couples it can end up being a deal-breaker if one person wants children and the other one doesn’t. There are people who make it work as well, every relationship is different and communication is essential. Everyone’s feelings on the matter are completely valid.” Whatever the case might be, McDonough thinks that it’s way better to know the truth early than to find out down the line that you are not in agreement. We can’t just assume that someone feels the same way we do. “That applies to lots of other things too!”
This is definitely a tough subject to base a comic on, and if anyone could’ve done it, it’s McDonough. She’s been drawing and writing all of my life. “I grew up reading comics in the newspaper and trying to make my own books out of notebook paper and tape. Every discovery of a new type of pen blew my mind,” she said. “I always knew I wanted to be an artist, but I changed my mind several times: fashion designer, interior designer, graphic designer… I finally chose fine art and attended the College of Visual Arts in Minnesota to get my bachelor’s degree in illustration.” Since then, she has been making zines, drawings, paintings, and working on her first graphic novel. “I’ve also been exhibiting at comic shows, doing commissioned art, and selling my work online.”
Here’s what people said after reading Kate’s comic
!["Karen Complains To HR About My Body, I Uno-Reverse Her Complaint, [And Now] Everyone Hates Her"](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/coworker-complains-to-hr-about-womans-body-revenge-latest.jpg "\"Karen Complains To HR About My Body, I Uno-Reverse Her Complaint, [And Now] Everyone Hates Her\"")
I wish doctors and medical professionals would also believe women about this too and let younger women have their tubes tied or a hysterectomy if they choose instead of again saying "but you will change your mind"
I was in my 40s, sick and in so much pain and yet my gynaecologist wouldn't do a hysterectomy in case I decided to have children. Controlling git. Particularly unfair as it turned out that I was scarcely fertile and in the unlikely event of a pregnancy I only had a slim chance of carrying a baby to term. I was described in one letter as not having 'achieved' pregnancy. Achieved???!!!! Would have been a flipping disaster for me! They should not have that much control over what a woman chooses.
Change doctors!
Mntncrone - good advice and I did. Still got nowhere as they all seemed to be singing from the same 'you might change your mind' sheet. Though I didn't change my mind. In the end I was offered a different procedure that was supposed to help the pain. By the time that happened, and failed to work, I was near the time I should be going through the menopause as I was told it was bound to be early as my all my sisters, my mother and my grandmother had early meno. Didn't happen early of course... 🙄
The stats show that regretting a sterilization is actually rather rare. Also, they don't try to dissuade men from being sterilized with nearly the same reliability and fervor they do with women. It's disgustingly misogynist and patronizing. As I mentioned elsewhere, Planned Parenthood is a good place to get gyn care if you need health-care team that will treat you with respect (including sterilization if you're young and/or childfree, which docs seem to usually consider risk factors for regret).
I was so extremely lucky. I was able to get my tubes tied at 21 after I had my second child. In Texas, in 1995 by a male OB/GYN. He didn't argue or question he just told me that because I was using Medicaid and had just started on it (we had just moved back to Texas) I had to wait 30 days after delivery to have the tubal. He even scheduled the surgery that day. I really wish every gyno was like that.
I get when doctors want to prevent people from making wrong decisions. But. If you were in your forties. And not to mention in pain. Then it's just stupid and belittling. Because even if for some crazy miracle you would want kids after going forty years, at least, of knowing you don't want them, then you could adopt or foster or have one via gestational carrier if it's within your means. Not having kids from your own uterus is not and will never be the end of the world... whether you don't have any or take a different route. It's awesome to have kids, it's also awesome to not have them. So sorry to hear you had to deal with that lunacy.
Dilly What state do you live in? I could have had my tubal ligation at the age of 21. In California they have you sign the paperwork, then you have to wait 72 hours before the surgery can be done. My doctor talked me out of it but he never refused to do it. We made a deal that I would wait until I was 35. He performed my surgery shortly after my 35th birthday. I have zero regrets and I am now 62!
I have PCOS and Endo and have the most excruciating periods. I also have chronic heart failure and my periods make my BP so high I should be hospitalized every month according to my heart doctor. It would most likely kill me to get pregnate and still my gyno refuses to give me 1. A hystorectomy even though every woman on my mom's side had had it before my age (but already had children) or 2. Any decent pain medication (and heart Dr can't give pain meds). So even with my life at stake, I can't get it done because I may want kids later. (And I actually hate children)
PCOS & Endo can also reduce the chances of your getting pregnant and make a complicated pregnancy more likely. It really doesn't make sense that they wouldn't they just let you have your wish and improve your day to day life! I also have endo so I know how you feel. So, so sorry that you are having such a hard time. I hope you find a doctor who will listen.
Oh Shelby , I am so sorry you are having to go through all this. Especially their barbaric and cruel attitudes to you.
Shop around. There just has to be a doctor out there somewhere who will take you seriously.
If you have a Planned Parenthood anywhere near you, contact them. I can't speak for every facility in the organization, but when I wanted to be sterilized as a single, childfree 31yo cishet woman, they're the only ones who took me seriously. They might even just be able to help you find a better doctor, if they can't help you themselves. Your particular situation is extreme (it seems obvious a hysterectomy is indicated in your case) but anti-sterilization bias is common and I'm sure they've got some useful info.
What I hated the most in the 15+ years of trying to get sterilized, other than the "you'll change your mind" c**p, was the bastards who said I couldn't get it because my "future husband may want kids"!!!!??!?!?! So you're disregarding MY choices for MY body for some imaginary character that may never exist?!?!?? I chose to only have relationships with men who also didn't want kids. Was very upfront about it, and my now husband doesn't want kids either. Damn doc had the nerve to ask him for permission!!?!! All my husband had to do was make a call and they did it the next day, no questions asked, no permission from me needed! Such BS!!!!!!
I had the exact same experience, a (male) gynecologic oncologist going on about the imaginary husband, when my uterus was precancerous! I finally got the hysterectomy from my (female) ob-gyn, and I'm so happy I did!
I got my tubes removed at 34 yo!
It just shows the patriarchal system we still live in today. I have never heard of a doctor failing to do a vasectomy because "they might change their minds." Almost like we don't know our own heads. Hopefully with more women in the field this stupid belittling attitude will change. And you know what? If I change my mind I will adopt. Thanks.
My uncle was repeatedly talked out of a vasectomy by doctors who thought he may remarry and start a second family someday (he didn’t). But you’re right that I hear more stories about women being hassled for their reproductive choices.
Not just women though. My partner investigated having a vasectomy as we'd had our daughter and it would save me being on birth control. His Dr said 'but what if your partner died, you might meet another woman and want kids with her' FFS!!
Hysterectomy is never an option as protection from unwanted pregnancy, there are many many less invasive ways to protect yourself from pregnancy. My mother had early hysterectomy and it's a hellish medical procedure that is also dangerous as any major surgery, and leads to early menopause with all its problems. So, tubes tied, yes, but hysterectomy hell no, unless you really need it for your health, please never do that just as protection from pregnancy.
Having just your uterus removes is different from having uterus and ovaries removed.
My mom had a partial hysterectomy when I was younger. (removal of the uterus but not the ovaries) The recovery process sucked, if I remember correctly, due to insurance not wanting to pay for her full hospital stay. Grandma and Grandpa had to play nurse and take care of her for most of her recovery. However, after recovering, she's been perfectly fine and has always said that it ultimately was a great decision. It resolved some health issues she had, and she hasn't had to deal with periods for no good reason for over two decades. If I thought I could find someone to perform it with me behind childless, and thought I could afford it, I would absolutely have a partial hysterectomy. No fear of pregnancy, no more ruining clothes every month, no more feeling like absolute garbage. Any complications short of death would be more than worth it to not have to deal with Evil Week ever again.
Surgery and anaesthesia have improved a lot even in just the last ten years. Shelby 's suffering is pointless and cruel.
Biljana Malesevic A tubal ligation is the surgery most women commenting on this subject are talking about. I had a tubal ligation in an outpatient surgery center and could have gone to work the next day if I wanted to.
@mewmew34 I get what you are saying but you are using incorrect terminology for "partial" hysterectomy. It is a total hysterectomy when the uterus and cervix are removed. It is a partial hysterectomy when the uterus is removed but the cervix is not removed. The ovaries have nothing to do with the 'hysterectomy' but can be removed at the same time. That procedure is called a bilateral oophorosalpingectomy.
I'[v ebeen trying to get a hysterectomy for my useless uterus for 25 years. I CANNOT have kids. Knew it at age 19. Stillllll occasionally hear (as I push 50), "Don't you regret..."..............No. No, I don't. I wanted kids, turned out I can't have 'em, I have seven godkids, I'm good, thanks. Now if society would be okay about this... *sigh*
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
This comment has been deleted.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Erm... I would not do this exactly because I could change my mind, though...
Those of us who know our minds shouldn't get screwed because ones like you could change your mind. It's very simple, just like abortion...if you want it, fine, if you don't, don't get it. No one is forcing you to do it, just as no one should be prevented from doing it.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I agree. My gyno said no to it and tried to say I should have kids (she is amazing though).
Forgive me for questioning why she's amazing when she was telling you what to do!!!
A woman after my own heart! I knew by the age of ten that I didn't want children. I'm now 60 and haven't regretted my decision for a second.
62 and same!
62 and no REGRATS..Seriously, no regrets.
I'm soooo glad that i'm not alone on this decision. Previously, i was severely downvoted for this decision. I'm soon to be 44.
Over 70 - same! Had my "tubes tied" at age 27. Never regretted it.
57 and it's been a blast so far.
49 never wanted kids and still don't. Also ZERO regrets! Have loved my childless life.
Thank you for posting this! I am 34 and have never wanted kids. I tried to force it, but I realize it’s just not something I want nor need to have a fulfilling life. My partner is supportive no matter what I decide and I wish more people were the same!
To Shiona Collman: Give yourself a hug, breathe, and remind yourself that you are a beautiful person. Enjoy the life you are having with your partner right now. Fulfill with love and adventure as you two see fit. If things change and the two of you decide you want to start a family together, it won't feel fraudulent because you two are living your life fully authentically. Being authentic means your decisions never feel fraudulent. It also sounds that your man loves you because he sees you as your authentic self, and that's a wonderful thing. (Also, if the two of you continue to live your lives child-free, that authentic too.) Peace.
74 and no regrets.
58 same NO regrets.
I screenshotted this to rub in my family and friend's face wgen they ask me "what if you regret it when you're older??". Thank you,ladies!!
Zergolonoz - there is very little more egotistical or selfish than wanting children. People have them because they WANT them, not because they are benefiting society. They want that lifestyle or to keep on the family name or other self-based reasons. I think that is fine, we need children, but let us not pretend it is for anyone other than the parents.
Yes, very selfish and egotistical to have children to carry on the human race. How bout a nice big bowl of judgement soup?
Ditto!
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Egoism at his best.
I read Child Free and Loving It by Nicky Defago some years back. She asked women to write to her, anonymously, about their feelings after having children and there were so very many who admitted they regretted it. They loved their children but if they could go back and choose again they would not have them. We need to stop pretending that having children is the only valid life choice and that a woman's happy ending always involves babies.
I wish doctors and medical professionals would also believe women about this too and let younger women have their tubes tied or a hysterectomy if they choose instead of again saying "but you will change your mind"
I was in my 40s, sick and in so much pain and yet my gynaecologist wouldn't do a hysterectomy in case I decided to have children. Controlling git. Particularly unfair as it turned out that I was scarcely fertile and in the unlikely event of a pregnancy I only had a slim chance of carrying a baby to term. I was described in one letter as not having 'achieved' pregnancy. Achieved???!!!! Would have been a flipping disaster for me! They should not have that much control over what a woman chooses.
Change doctors!
Mntncrone - good advice and I did. Still got nowhere as they all seemed to be singing from the same 'you might change your mind' sheet. Though I didn't change my mind. In the end I was offered a different procedure that was supposed to help the pain. By the time that happened, and failed to work, I was near the time I should be going through the menopause as I was told it was bound to be early as my all my sisters, my mother and my grandmother had early meno. Didn't happen early of course... 🙄
The stats show that regretting a sterilization is actually rather rare. Also, they don't try to dissuade men from being sterilized with nearly the same reliability and fervor they do with women. It's disgustingly misogynist and patronizing. As I mentioned elsewhere, Planned Parenthood is a good place to get gyn care if you need health-care team that will treat you with respect (including sterilization if you're young and/or childfree, which docs seem to usually consider risk factors for regret).
I was so extremely lucky. I was able to get my tubes tied at 21 after I had my second child. In Texas, in 1995 by a male OB/GYN. He didn't argue or question he just told me that because I was using Medicaid and had just started on it (we had just moved back to Texas) I had to wait 30 days after delivery to have the tubal. He even scheduled the surgery that day. I really wish every gyno was like that.
I get when doctors want to prevent people from making wrong decisions. But. If you were in your forties. And not to mention in pain. Then it's just stupid and belittling. Because even if for some crazy miracle you would want kids after going forty years, at least, of knowing you don't want them, then you could adopt or foster or have one via gestational carrier if it's within your means. Not having kids from your own uterus is not and will never be the end of the world... whether you don't have any or take a different route. It's awesome to have kids, it's also awesome to not have them. So sorry to hear you had to deal with that lunacy.
Dilly What state do you live in? I could have had my tubal ligation at the age of 21. In California they have you sign the paperwork, then you have to wait 72 hours before the surgery can be done. My doctor talked me out of it but he never refused to do it. We made a deal that I would wait until I was 35. He performed my surgery shortly after my 35th birthday. I have zero regrets and I am now 62!
I have PCOS and Endo and have the most excruciating periods. I also have chronic heart failure and my periods make my BP so high I should be hospitalized every month according to my heart doctor. It would most likely kill me to get pregnate and still my gyno refuses to give me 1. A hystorectomy even though every woman on my mom's side had had it before my age (but already had children) or 2. Any decent pain medication (and heart Dr can't give pain meds). So even with my life at stake, I can't get it done because I may want kids later. (And I actually hate children)
PCOS & Endo can also reduce the chances of your getting pregnant and make a complicated pregnancy more likely. It really doesn't make sense that they wouldn't they just let you have your wish and improve your day to day life! I also have endo so I know how you feel. So, so sorry that you are having such a hard time. I hope you find a doctor who will listen.
Oh Shelby , I am so sorry you are having to go through all this. Especially their barbaric and cruel attitudes to you.
Shop around. There just has to be a doctor out there somewhere who will take you seriously.
If you have a Planned Parenthood anywhere near you, contact them. I can't speak for every facility in the organization, but when I wanted to be sterilized as a single, childfree 31yo cishet woman, they're the only ones who took me seriously. They might even just be able to help you find a better doctor, if they can't help you themselves. Your particular situation is extreme (it seems obvious a hysterectomy is indicated in your case) but anti-sterilization bias is common and I'm sure they've got some useful info.
What I hated the most in the 15+ years of trying to get sterilized, other than the "you'll change your mind" c**p, was the bastards who said I couldn't get it because my "future husband may want kids"!!!!??!?!?! So you're disregarding MY choices for MY body for some imaginary character that may never exist?!?!?? I chose to only have relationships with men who also didn't want kids. Was very upfront about it, and my now husband doesn't want kids either. Damn doc had the nerve to ask him for permission!!?!! All my husband had to do was make a call and they did it the next day, no questions asked, no permission from me needed! Such BS!!!!!!
I had the exact same experience, a (male) gynecologic oncologist going on about the imaginary husband, when my uterus was precancerous! I finally got the hysterectomy from my (female) ob-gyn, and I'm so happy I did!
I got my tubes removed at 34 yo!
It just shows the patriarchal system we still live in today. I have never heard of a doctor failing to do a vasectomy because "they might change their minds." Almost like we don't know our own heads. Hopefully with more women in the field this stupid belittling attitude will change. And you know what? If I change my mind I will adopt. Thanks.
My uncle was repeatedly talked out of a vasectomy by doctors who thought he may remarry and start a second family someday (he didn’t). But you’re right that I hear more stories about women being hassled for their reproductive choices.
Not just women though. My partner investigated having a vasectomy as we'd had our daughter and it would save me being on birth control. His Dr said 'but what if your partner died, you might meet another woman and want kids with her' FFS!!
Hysterectomy is never an option as protection from unwanted pregnancy, there are many many less invasive ways to protect yourself from pregnancy. My mother had early hysterectomy and it's a hellish medical procedure that is also dangerous as any major surgery, and leads to early menopause with all its problems. So, tubes tied, yes, but hysterectomy hell no, unless you really need it for your health, please never do that just as protection from pregnancy.
Having just your uterus removes is different from having uterus and ovaries removed.
My mom had a partial hysterectomy when I was younger. (removal of the uterus but not the ovaries) The recovery process sucked, if I remember correctly, due to insurance not wanting to pay for her full hospital stay. Grandma and Grandpa had to play nurse and take care of her for most of her recovery. However, after recovering, she's been perfectly fine and has always said that it ultimately was a great decision. It resolved some health issues she had, and she hasn't had to deal with periods for no good reason for over two decades. If I thought I could find someone to perform it with me behind childless, and thought I could afford it, I would absolutely have a partial hysterectomy. No fear of pregnancy, no more ruining clothes every month, no more feeling like absolute garbage. Any complications short of death would be more than worth it to not have to deal with Evil Week ever again.
Surgery and anaesthesia have improved a lot even in just the last ten years. Shelby 's suffering is pointless and cruel.
Biljana Malesevic A tubal ligation is the surgery most women commenting on this subject are talking about. I had a tubal ligation in an outpatient surgery center and could have gone to work the next day if I wanted to.
@mewmew34 I get what you are saying but you are using incorrect terminology for "partial" hysterectomy. It is a total hysterectomy when the uterus and cervix are removed. It is a partial hysterectomy when the uterus is removed but the cervix is not removed. The ovaries have nothing to do with the 'hysterectomy' but can be removed at the same time. That procedure is called a bilateral oophorosalpingectomy.
I'[v ebeen trying to get a hysterectomy for my useless uterus for 25 years. I CANNOT have kids. Knew it at age 19. Stillllll occasionally hear (as I push 50), "Don't you regret..."..............No. No, I don't. I wanted kids, turned out I can't have 'em, I have seven godkids, I'm good, thanks. Now if society would be okay about this... *sigh*
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
This comment has been deleted.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Erm... I would not do this exactly because I could change my mind, though...
Those of us who know our minds shouldn't get screwed because ones like you could change your mind. It's very simple, just like abortion...if you want it, fine, if you don't, don't get it. No one is forcing you to do it, just as no one should be prevented from doing it.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I agree. My gyno said no to it and tried to say I should have kids (she is amazing though).
Forgive me for questioning why she's amazing when she was telling you what to do!!!
A woman after my own heart! I knew by the age of ten that I didn't want children. I'm now 60 and haven't regretted my decision for a second.
62 and same!
62 and no REGRATS..Seriously, no regrets.
I'm soooo glad that i'm not alone on this decision. Previously, i was severely downvoted for this decision. I'm soon to be 44.
Over 70 - same! Had my "tubes tied" at age 27. Never regretted it.
57 and it's been a blast so far.
49 never wanted kids and still don't. Also ZERO regrets! Have loved my childless life.
Thank you for posting this! I am 34 and have never wanted kids. I tried to force it, but I realize it’s just not something I want nor need to have a fulfilling life. My partner is supportive no matter what I decide and I wish more people were the same!
To Shiona Collman: Give yourself a hug, breathe, and remind yourself that you are a beautiful person. Enjoy the life you are having with your partner right now. Fulfill with love and adventure as you two see fit. If things change and the two of you decide you want to start a family together, it won't feel fraudulent because you two are living your life fully authentically. Being authentic means your decisions never feel fraudulent. It also sounds that your man loves you because he sees you as your authentic self, and that's a wonderful thing. (Also, if the two of you continue to live your lives child-free, that authentic too.) Peace.
74 and no regrets.
58 same NO regrets.
I screenshotted this to rub in my family and friend's face wgen they ask me "what if you regret it when you're older??". Thank you,ladies!!
Zergolonoz - there is very little more egotistical or selfish than wanting children. People have them because they WANT them, not because they are benefiting society. They want that lifestyle or to keep on the family name or other self-based reasons. I think that is fine, we need children, but let us not pretend it is for anyone other than the parents.
Yes, very selfish and egotistical to have children to carry on the human race. How bout a nice big bowl of judgement soup?
Ditto!
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Egoism at his best.
I read Child Free and Loving It by Nicky Defago some years back. She asked women to write to her, anonymously, about their feelings after having children and there were so very many who admitted they regretted it. They loved their children but if they could go back and choose again they would not have them. We need to stop pretending that having children is the only valid life choice and that a woman's happy ending always involves babies.