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Man Spends A Week Taking Care Of Toddler And The Home, Grows Resentment For His SAH Wife
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Man Spends A Week Taking Care Of Toddler And The Home, Grows Resentment For His SAH Wife

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In any romantic relationship, it’s important to remember that you’re supposed to be part of the same team. You’re meant to be on the same side and support one another. However, some folks see their relationships as purely transactional, which is far from healthy.

One anonymous husband turned to the r/AITAH online community for advice regarding a delicate situation at home. From his perspective, his wife, a stay-at-home mom, doesn’t do ‘enough’ chores around the house. Many internet users were absolutely appalled by his point of view and stood up to defend his wife. Scroll down to read what they had to say.

Housework and childcare can be very divisive issues and lead to some resentment between partners

Image credits: Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)

One husband shocked the internet by sharing his perspective about his wife, who is a stay-at-home mom

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Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Current-Respond2527

The author shared a lot of controversial opinions in his story

The husband, who wrote the controversial post, seems to have an issue with his wife not doing her ‘duties’ or pitching in as much as he thinks that she ‘should.’

From his perspective, because he is the sole breadwinner in the family, his wife ‘should’ do all the housework, along with all the childcare. The OP believes that she should have no problem doing all of this because he himself did everything that needed to be done at home in record time.

“I’m planning on telling her after living in her shoes for a week that I need her to step up to the plate because the amount of effort she’s been putting in is unacceptable. If she doesn’t do it I think I will have to leave her because I don’t feel like taking care of two children,” he wrote.

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Many internet users who read his posts and comments were shocked by his uncompromising and cold position, as well as his opinion about women in general.

In one comment, the author stated that, for him, “Marriage isn’t about love it’s about continuing the family name and bloodline.” However, elsewhere, he comments: “I can love my wife and be mad she isn’t doing her part.” What’s more, it’s bizarre how easily the author wrote about the possibility of divorcing his wife.

If money isn’t an issue, it might be best for everyone involved to simply hire a housekeeper and a nanny. Spending a bit of cash to keep the house tidy may be a better alternative to being resentful about the chores not being done ‘right.’

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

If there are serious issues at home, it’s best to discuss them in person. However, it’s vital not to be accusatory

Whatever the marital issues might be, it’s important to bring up those questions in a face-to-face discussion. There might be a genuine problem with the housework and childcare in the family. However, how you approach these sensitive topics is vital.

For one, you should never sound like you’re accusing your partner of something. This means reigning in excess judgment and focusing on how their actions and behavior affect you and make you feel.

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Remember, the goal isn’t to browbeat your partner into submission or force them to adapt to your requirements. The aim is to find some sort of compromise that would make both people satisfied.

For instance, hiring a part-time housekeeper really might be the best solution. Or, the husband could pitch in with the chores (considering how little time he thinks they take) to match the standards he wants to see at home.

Meanwhile, even if one person is the primary breadwinner, it hardly seems fair that they should never do any of the housework or childcare. Being in a relationship and raising kids together means pitching in as much as you can and as needed, regardless of the circumstances.

There will hardly ever be situations where the couple has a perfect 50/50 split of chores. But you don’t need things to be perfectly balanced. What you need to aim for is a balance that works for you. If one partner works more, they might do slightly fewer chores at home than someone who might, for instance, work less or remotely.

Another good solution is to divide the chores up based on preferences. For example, one partner might not mind doing the dishes and vacuuming, while the other actually enjoys doing the grocery runs and cooking. If there’s an activity both partners hate, they could split it equally among themselves to make it fair.

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Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas (not the actual photo)

The post got a lot of different reactions. Here’s what some readers had to say about the entire situation

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dbear_63 avatar
DB
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother was a sahm. She was extremely lazy. Barely did any housework. Her idea of parenting was to sit us in front of the television and tell us to shut up. When she started working something happened. She started taking better care of the house, the kids and herself. I can't explain it. Maybe she just needed more purpose to her life.

byzantiume2 avatar
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When we are in the wrong role, depression, bitterness, waning 3mpatjy and failure of executive function are really common. I'm sorry for the early years, but I'm glad your mom made changes for the better.

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suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What I miss from OP is "I'm worried about her mental wellbeing", especially since the wife just left to visit her estranged mother (if I understood correctly). Sounds to me the wife might actually be (post-partum) depressed.

rosieetike avatar
Tyke
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, he hasn't really expanded on "estranged Mother"... if her Mother was utter rubbish, maybe she doesn't know what SAHM should be like. I think something more is going on also, especially mental health, and it wouldn't shock me if becoming a mother and having to see her estranged Mother or even hearing from/about her has stirred up some big emotions and issues.

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byzantiume2 avatar
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The relationship sounds very transactional, maybe because they are only together because of the pregnancy. Wife sounds like she hates staying at home. It's not for everyone. They are financially stable, wife should go back to work, get a cleaner and pay for child care. Clearly things worked better when both were working. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't, but with a try before divorce.

gfbarros avatar
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Managing a house and a kid does take skills. I dont think we need to romanticize it, but its not for everybody. My mom sometimes grumbles that she took care of a babies and a house all by herself, criticizing women who struggle to do both. And I remind her that she literally was a nanny and a housekeeper for rich jerks before she got married, so she learned how to work at home. Its not like doing dishes is some innate feminine quality.

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dbear_63 avatar
DB
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother was a sahm. She was extremely lazy. Barely did any housework. Her idea of parenting was to sit us in front of the television and tell us to shut up. When she started working something happened. She started taking better care of the house, the kids and herself. I can't explain it. Maybe she just needed more purpose to her life.

byzantiume2 avatar
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When we are in the wrong role, depression, bitterness, waning 3mpatjy and failure of executive function are really common. I'm sorry for the early years, but I'm glad your mom made changes for the better.

Load More Replies...
suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What I miss from OP is "I'm worried about her mental wellbeing", especially since the wife just left to visit her estranged mother (if I understood correctly). Sounds to me the wife might actually be (post-partum) depressed.

rosieetike avatar
Tyke
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, he hasn't really expanded on "estranged Mother"... if her Mother was utter rubbish, maybe she doesn't know what SAHM should be like. I think something more is going on also, especially mental health, and it wouldn't shock me if becoming a mother and having to see her estranged Mother or even hearing from/about her has stirred up some big emotions and issues.

Load More Replies...
byzantiume2 avatar
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The relationship sounds very transactional, maybe because they are only together because of the pregnancy. Wife sounds like she hates staying at home. It's not for everyone. They are financially stable, wife should go back to work, get a cleaner and pay for child care. Clearly things worked better when both were working. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't, but with a try before divorce.

gfbarros avatar
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Managing a house and a kid does take skills. I dont think we need to romanticize it, but its not for everybody. My mom sometimes grumbles that she took care of a babies and a house all by herself, criticizing women who struggle to do both. And I remind her that she literally was a nanny and a housekeeper for rich jerks before she got married, so she learned how to work at home. Its not like doing dishes is some innate feminine quality.

Load More Replies...
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