Man Hides A Camera In The House To Prove His Stay-At-Home Wife Is Lazy And Worthless
How a couple figures out childcare, finances, and general responsibilities will, quite literally, make or break their relationship. Unfortunately, communication is easier said than done, particularly when people choose to not be honest with one another.
A SAHM decided to divorce her husband when she discovered that he was secretly spying on her to prove a point. But the way she described his reasoning led to no small amount of debate in the comments. Bored Panda has reached out to OP via Reddit and will update the story when she gets back to us.
Being a stay-at-home-parent comes with it’s perks and downsides
Image credits: EuphoricSide5370 / reddit (not the actual photo)
But one woman ended up getting divorced when her husband thought she was being lazy
Image credits: titovailona / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwawayhicamera2
OP appears to be lacking a good deal of self-awareness
At first glance, the idea of one’s spouse spying on them is a pretty big eyebrow-raiser. There are all sorts of messed up scenarios where something like this might happen. Indeed, even after it’s revealed that the wife is not keeping up her end of the bargain, it’s still a questionable action. While OP might not actually acknowledge that she is in the wrong, a spy camera is still a pretty extreme measure to take.
After all, a common thread in many, similar arguments, is the working partner complaining that the stay-at-home spouse does too little or does not contribute to the household. There are hundreds, if not thousands of stories out there of entitled and useless husbands. More often than not, this belief is misguided and ignorant, as cooking, cleaning, and looking after kids is a lot of responsibility. Except, as OP herself admits, they have a house cleaner.
On top of that, their kids are not toddlers who need constant supervision, one is old enough to drive and, presumably, babysit the other. A twelve-year-old needs to be looked after but isn’t so young that they can’t entertain themselves. As one comment noted, it’s pretty telling that the kids will call their father for help and not the mother, despite the fact that one of them is literally working throughout the day.
Browsing your phone all day is not exactly back-breaking work
Image credits: Sam Lion / pexels (not the actual photo)
Indeed, OP does a great job of almost making us forget and forgive her husband for literally installing a secret camera. For example, she sees going to the post office as akin to working an entire daily shift. Yes, it might not be fun, but running a handful of errands is not a full-time job. Running an errand after working eight hours, however, is absolutely soul-crushing.
More egregiously, she also decided that sending out paychecks late was acceptable. Not only does this put employees at risk, but this also interferes with her husband’s business, the same business that allows her to not clean all day. To take a step back, it’s easy to see how the spying and feeling of underappreciation can be difficult.
If she wants a certain lifestyle, that is her right, but making entitled demands when someone else pays the bills and you have multiple kids is a pretty extreme level of delusion. Most unworkable relationships have a “last straw” moment, but it’s surprising that it would come from her and not her husband.
The husband has a lot more ground to stand on than OP
Image credits: Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo)
While we do not see his side of the story, there is a decent chance that he hasn’t made any extreme moves precisely because they have children together. Splitting the family is difficult, even if, based on both kid’s behavior, they know which parent is the actual adult in the room.
Given the massive amount of popularity this story garnered on Reddit, it’s almost worth considering if the husband and, presumably, his lawyers, will stumble upon it. The details are specific enough. On the other hand, perhaps OP will read the comments, do some real soul-searching, and conclude that this marriage needs counseling and some more responsibility, not a divorce.
Readers were quick to call her our
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Ugh. I used to do domestic and gardening work for people like op and they are the worst. They stare at you and get in the way and micromanage you, criticize, and b***h about their families your entire time there. Some people put so much effort into feeling busy they make laziness look exhausting.
I'm with the Redditors here. I really wanted to be on the OPs side because hiding a camera in the house to spy on her is a fúcked up thing to do, but it does sound like she is indeed slacking off. There's no need to watch what a cleaning lady or gardener is doing, especially not everyday. So how could she be so busy all day that she forgot to sign the paper of her kid, even if she hadn't have to do any chores except for making food plans? I'd have totally understood it if she's a SAHM that does all the house work and is therefore so busy she forgets things, but she doesn't. It also speaks volumes that her kid decided to go to the father first and tell him what happened instead of asking the mother, telling me that the kid expected her to forget again. Who knows what other things happened before this event? Also, props for the Redditor who mentioned that some people indeed can't afford to have their paycheck mailed too late, one can get evicted in the US over that. OP is overprivileged
Let's see....She's got 3 teenagers, she has a cleaner, a gardener, she buys pre-made meals and apparently she needs MORE help than that because she couldn't carve a few minutes out of whatever she does all day (laundry?) to fill out a piece of paper? She's in for a rude awakening. However, I do think if you're at the point where you feel like you need to hide a camera to spy on your spouse the relationship is over.
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OK, even if she IS the world's worst lazyass mother, that does not mean it's fine for her husband to film her without her knowledge! She's obviously clueless about how "busy" she is, but he should have suggested counseling instead of secretly recording her. That would be a deal breaker for me too.
I agree he should have suggested counseling instead of the camera (though he may have and she "forgot" to mention it), but she could have also suggested counseling before filing for divorce.
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I agree with zedra and the redditors as she says she had a busy schedule and has no time but like half the jobs are done for her like the house cleaning and the gardening. who is rich enough o afford cleaners and landscapers and then complain. Like she said that she managed bills but unless she helps with finances for the husbands business, absolutely YTA. And to top it off, the camera was placed to prove how little work she was doing. Not even her kids trust her to manage her time. This post sounds like she’s making excuses all around.
She's 'managing bills'? Hello? How long does that take? fifteen minutes from looking it up or opening the envelope to writing a check or paying it online at the very most? I pay all my bills online at the same time.
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I'm actually pleasantly surprised how many people sided with the husband. Don't get me wrong- putting hidden cameras in the house is bonkers crazy. But her responses are infuriating. There needs to be a feeling of 'equality of effort' in a relationship where you share a home, and a lot of times one person makes more money so they consider that as somehow having more rights or more of a say. That's BS because the work you do at home can't necessarily be quantified. Of course there's going to be down time. It's not a job where you can't stop in between. A stay at home role should be treated like a job- and should hold the same respect. I hate when people act like this isn't hard work. BUT- it should be. I'm tired of some women treating their spouses like a winning lottery ticket. Your work in the home should equate a least in part to his 70 hour workweek, within reason. Especially if that 70 hours is purposeful to help maintain the lifestyle you enjoy.
Reminds me of a co-worker years ago. His wife filed for divorce. In her dream, she would get the house, the cars, the kids, and most of his paycheck while he slept in a ditch somewhere. Well, his lawyer was better than hers. He forced the sale of the house and they split the proceeds. They each kept one car. The 2 minor (teen) children - one stayed with mom, one went with dad - so no child support. All she got was half his military retirement payment. She ended up having to get a job to support herself & the teen living with her. He found a new girlfriend.
I don’t agree with splitting the kids up, that’s just wrong. They should have worked out 50/50 custody where the kids go with dad for a week or two and then with mom. They both kids get to spend time with each parent, and with their sibling too.
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ESH. She's not doing what she should but, to me, privacy is the most important thing
Oh the first world problems she has! Just wait until the divorce go's thru and she has to really work.
It started for me when she "made a note to fill out the forms on another day". If she had time "to make a note" she had time to fill out the form then. Not mailing paychecks on time clearly shows she doesn’t care at all about the problems she could cause others by the delay. An all together self-entitled person whose family deserves better.
ESH....she sounds like someone I could never be with. And he sounds like human garbage. Divorce is the right thing for sure, nothing about that is positive
Have you heard yourself? Get something done! You even make yourself sound lazy when you're trying to justify your life! And now you're all indignant! Are you furious because your husband invaded your privacy or because you got caught out? I hope you manage to meet the deadlines for your divorce papers, I'm sure the house will manage without you. Supervising workers - haha. Why? To make sure they're getting on with the job and not being lazy? Get over yourself. Phew, I need to go lie down now after writing all that while my dog supervised me.
I don't get it... How can this woman complain about being overwhelmed?!?! As far as I can tell, in an entire month, she does the shopping and maybe vacuums 2 times a week because she has the deep cleaning service doing the rest for her! She's not cutting the grass or anything else, as she has that covered by workers, as well. And that part about "managing bills/subscriptions" made me laugh! She did not say she pays them because that would imply time spent... Managing them means checking the banking app to see if the money was withdrawn!!!! Just this, in a month's time and she still complains......... Husband is right: she is lazy! And entitled, he could have added!!!
Unless she's involved in the business as office staff/bookkeeper, how is paying HIS employees HER responsibility rather than HIS? Other than that, I'm on the "what do you do all day, Princess?" side here. I don't have kids, but a halfway competent homemaker WITH hired helpers should not have anywhere near the "overwhelming burden" she's whimpering about.
Well it doesn't seem like she has a lot to do. I'm guessing admin work is supposed to be part of her contribution to the marriage. It sounds like the checks were made out and he just wanted her to run them to the post.
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I really wanted to be on your side, and finding hidden cameras would be a huge deal for me, too. But, honey - you appear to be a lazy, lazy person.
I don't care what the fåck otherwise is going on.... is setting on cameras on eachother normal???? In my country it is a personal violation!!! And a serious one!!!
I can't condone setting up a hidden camera/spying, that's a huge violation of trust. I also wonder if the OP might be on the spectrum, dealing with ADHD, executive dysfunction, or some other undiagnosed disorder that makes her feel like what little she actually does do, is somehow overwhelming.
The OP may have a combination of ADHD and irresponsible attitude. Another hint: over-focus (such as on recipes and supervising others), which is common in people with ADHD. Reducing its impact would require self-awareness and a sense of responsibility. I've found tips for managing myself. The improvement has been enough to reduce stress in my life and marriage.
Yeah no, she's just lazy. I've seen people with ADHD work just fine next to me. This excuse is wearing thin.
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Per the OP he is self-employed in HVAC. He does not work 9-5. In fact, by saying he is self-employed versus he runs his own HVAC company she is actually minimizing how hard he does work. He has customers AND employees relying on him. Plus in the HVAC business there are emergency calls and at least some weekends.
Load More Replies...
Ugh. I used to do domestic and gardening work for people like op and they are the worst. They stare at you and get in the way and micromanage you, criticize, and b***h about their families your entire time there. Some people put so much effort into feeling busy they make laziness look exhausting.
I'm with the Redditors here. I really wanted to be on the OPs side because hiding a camera in the house to spy on her is a fúcked up thing to do, but it does sound like she is indeed slacking off. There's no need to watch what a cleaning lady or gardener is doing, especially not everyday. So how could she be so busy all day that she forgot to sign the paper of her kid, even if she hadn't have to do any chores except for making food plans? I'd have totally understood it if she's a SAHM that does all the house work and is therefore so busy she forgets things, but she doesn't. It also speaks volumes that her kid decided to go to the father first and tell him what happened instead of asking the mother, telling me that the kid expected her to forget again. Who knows what other things happened before this event? Also, props for the Redditor who mentioned that some people indeed can't afford to have their paycheck mailed too late, one can get evicted in the US over that. OP is overprivileged
Let's see....She's got 3 teenagers, she has a cleaner, a gardener, she buys pre-made meals and apparently she needs MORE help than that because she couldn't carve a few minutes out of whatever she does all day (laundry?) to fill out a piece of paper? She's in for a rude awakening. However, I do think if you're at the point where you feel like you need to hide a camera to spy on your spouse the relationship is over.
Load More Replies... OK, even if she IS the world's worst lazyass mother, that does not mean it's fine for her husband to film her without her knowledge! She's obviously clueless about how "busy" she is, but he should have suggested counseling instead of secretly recording her. That would be a deal breaker for me too.
I agree he should have suggested counseling instead of the camera (though he may have and she "forgot" to mention it), but she could have also suggested counseling before filing for divorce.
Load More Replies... I agree with zedra and the redditors as she says she had a busy schedule and has no time but like half the jobs are done for her like the house cleaning and the gardening. who is rich enough o afford cleaners and landscapers and then complain. Like she said that she managed bills but unless she helps with finances for the husbands business, absolutely YTA. And to top it off, the camera was placed to prove how little work she was doing. Not even her kids trust her to manage her time. This post sounds like she’s making excuses all around.
She's 'managing bills'? Hello? How long does that take? fifteen minutes from looking it up or opening the envelope to writing a check or paying it online at the very most? I pay all my bills online at the same time.
Load More Replies... I'm actually pleasantly surprised how many people sided with the husband. Don't get me wrong- putting hidden cameras in the house is bonkers crazy. But her responses are infuriating. There needs to be a feeling of 'equality of effort' in a relationship where you share a home, and a lot of times one person makes more money so they consider that as somehow having more rights or more of a say. That's BS because the work you do at home can't necessarily be quantified. Of course there's going to be down time. It's not a job where you can't stop in between. A stay at home role should be treated like a job- and should hold the same respect. I hate when people act like this isn't hard work. BUT- it should be. I'm tired of some women treating their spouses like a winning lottery ticket. Your work in the home should equate a least in part to his 70 hour workweek, within reason. Especially if that 70 hours is purposeful to help maintain the lifestyle you enjoy.
Reminds me of a co-worker years ago. His wife filed for divorce. In her dream, she would get the house, the cars, the kids, and most of his paycheck while he slept in a ditch somewhere. Well, his lawyer was better than hers. He forced the sale of the house and they split the proceeds. They each kept one car. The 2 minor (teen) children - one stayed with mom, one went with dad - so no child support. All she got was half his military retirement payment. She ended up having to get a job to support herself & the teen living with her. He found a new girlfriend.
I don’t agree with splitting the kids up, that’s just wrong. They should have worked out 50/50 custody where the kids go with dad for a week or two and then with mom. They both kids get to spend time with each parent, and with their sibling too.
Load More Replies... ESH. She's not doing what she should but, to me, privacy is the most important thing
Oh the first world problems she has! Just wait until the divorce go's thru and she has to really work.
It started for me when she "made a note to fill out the forms on another day". If she had time "to make a note" she had time to fill out the form then. Not mailing paychecks on time clearly shows she doesn’t care at all about the problems she could cause others by the delay. An all together self-entitled person whose family deserves better.
ESH....she sounds like someone I could never be with. And he sounds like human garbage. Divorce is the right thing for sure, nothing about that is positive
Have you heard yourself? Get something done! You even make yourself sound lazy when you're trying to justify your life! And now you're all indignant! Are you furious because your husband invaded your privacy or because you got caught out? I hope you manage to meet the deadlines for your divorce papers, I'm sure the house will manage without you. Supervising workers - haha. Why? To make sure they're getting on with the job and not being lazy? Get over yourself. Phew, I need to go lie down now after writing all that while my dog supervised me.
I don't get it... How can this woman complain about being overwhelmed?!?! As far as I can tell, in an entire month, she does the shopping and maybe vacuums 2 times a week because she has the deep cleaning service doing the rest for her! She's not cutting the grass or anything else, as she has that covered by workers, as well. And that part about "managing bills/subscriptions" made me laugh! She did not say she pays them because that would imply time spent... Managing them means checking the banking app to see if the money was withdrawn!!!! Just this, in a month's time and she still complains......... Husband is right: she is lazy! And entitled, he could have added!!!
Unless she's involved in the business as office staff/bookkeeper, how is paying HIS employees HER responsibility rather than HIS? Other than that, I'm on the "what do you do all day, Princess?" side here. I don't have kids, but a halfway competent homemaker WITH hired helpers should not have anywhere near the "overwhelming burden" she's whimpering about.
Well it doesn't seem like she has a lot to do. I'm guessing admin work is supposed to be part of her contribution to the marriage. It sounds like the checks were made out and he just wanted her to run them to the post.
Load More Replies... I really wanted to be on your side, and finding hidden cameras would be a huge deal for me, too. But, honey - you appear to be a lazy, lazy person.
I don't care what the fåck otherwise is going on.... is setting on cameras on eachother normal???? In my country it is a personal violation!!! And a serious one!!!
I can't condone setting up a hidden camera/spying, that's a huge violation of trust. I also wonder if the OP might be on the spectrum, dealing with ADHD, executive dysfunction, or some other undiagnosed disorder that makes her feel like what little she actually does do, is somehow overwhelming.
The OP may have a combination of ADHD and irresponsible attitude. Another hint: over-focus (such as on recipes and supervising others), which is common in people with ADHD. Reducing its impact would require self-awareness and a sense of responsibility. I've found tips for managing myself. The improvement has been enough to reduce stress in my life and marriage.
Yeah no, she's just lazy. I've seen people with ADHD work just fine next to me. This excuse is wearing thin.
Load More Replies... Per the OP he is self-employed in HVAC. He does not work 9-5. In fact, by saying he is self-employed versus he runs his own HVAC company she is actually minimizing how hard he does work. He has customers AND employees relying on him. Plus in the HVAC business there are emergency calls and at least some weekends.
Load More Replies...
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