A marriage is supposed to last for a happily ever after, but just a few years into his, Reddit user Negative-Dog1600 heard his wife make a statement that got him thinking about divorce.
The man said they agreed to pursue their careers and firmly committed to never becoming stay-at-home spouses. However, the woman recently revealed her desire to become a housewife, and this made him question if he truly knew her.
Now, the man fears he might be facing irreparable trust issues.
This man and his wife had agreed they would never be stay-at-home spouses
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / pexels (not the actual photo)
However, the woman changed her mind
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envanto (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Negative-Dog1600
In recent decades, the share of stay-at-home parents has fluctuated, rising during periods of higher unemployment
Given the chance, many would take the route that the Redditor’s spouse is thinking about. A Gallup Poll found that more than half of women in the U.S. with children under the age of 18, 56%, would prefer to stay home over going to work, and 39% of women without children under the age of 18 said they wanted the role of homemaker.
However, only 24% do. There are multiple reasons for this, but the US has largely been a place that makes few allowances for the needs of parents, and working mothers in particular. Parental leave is not mandated, work hours are often long, and the state doesn’t provide free or subsidized countrywide childcare, which exists in many other countries. Not to mention that unpaid domestic work tends to fall disproportionately on women. Women are significantly less satisfied at work too, according to data released by the Conference Board, a business research organization. Plus, a global report on women at work released by Deloitte found that, in the US, a standout reason for that was lack of flexibility.
While watching a partner change is hard, it’s not that uncommon. Personalities are more malleable than we might think. Most of us change, though often gradually, according to a study published in 2018 by the University of Houston, University of Tübingen, and University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, which assessed the personality traits of 1,795 people in the U.S. in adolescence and then 50 years later. (Many participants of the study became more emotionally stable, conscientious, and agreeable over time.)
“Communication has and will always be the key to mitigate negative feelings around change in your relationship,” said Jeff Gardere, a psychologist in Manhattan and an adviser for Ro Mind, a digital health service addressing anxiety and depression. “Talk about the change you experience, perceive, and are impacted by. These continuous conversations should always be framed in the mindset of learning, compromise, and conflict resolution.”
As his story went viral, the man joined the discussion in the comment section
Love how a 20 -year-old man can get "snipped" no questions asked, here I am a woman at 30 still jumping through hoops trying to get "fixed"... 😑
In my 30s in Scotland and the US I was told my future husband wouldn't approve if getting my tubes tied, even though I was single at the time. I tried for years to get tubal ligation starting in my teens, never happened. I can't use hormonal birth control due to other health issues. I can't believe I had female doctors telling me a theoretical man had more say in my future than me.
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He earns 90% of the money they live off and pays for housekeeping so she can work a stressful, underpaid job that destroys her. If they had a truly loving relationship, the simplest solution would be to write down a contract for what the housekeepers are doing and giving her the same money he gives them for doing that job, while sharing the rest of the housework as they do now until she's mentally recovered from her bad job and ready to work an outside job again. By writing down the exact chores she gets paid for, they'd avoid confusion about what is the paid job and what is the rest that they'll share. But no, he rather let's her burn out and pays strangers for work she could be doing for at least a while to insist on their former agreement. What a bozo.
Okay, I went to Reddit and OP is a nasty critter! His wife is a highschool teacher in a very difficult school. She already has counselling, is burned out, depressive and physical ill from her high stress job she was very passionate about and already stayed far too long because she cared too much for her students. The absolute standard teacher story. He was sore that she didn't want to give up her job when they married, because she was passionate about it and wanted the security of a second income, and now doesn't want to give in because he's still sore that 'she didn't trust him from the start, so why should he help her now' and she's already moved out and lives with her relatives, who rightfully call him out on his BS. He tried to validate himself on Reddit by only telling bits of the story when pressured for it in the comments, and only were it made him look good but one commenter went through all of them and put the snippets together to a whole story. OP then deleted his account.
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Am i the only one who thinks that it's the wife who is dodging a bullet. A contract is a contract? Contracts are updated and amended ALL THE TIME - What an a*s
Yea, I think maybe this relationship was a bit circumstantial. As in they work together until a certain goal was reached....completely knowingly or not.
Load More Replies... Love how a 20 -year-old man can get "snipped" no questions asked, here I am a woman at 30 still jumping through hoops trying to get "fixed"... 😑
In my 30s in Scotland and the US I was told my future husband wouldn't approve if getting my tubes tied, even though I was single at the time. I tried for years to get tubal ligation starting in my teens, never happened. I can't use hormonal birth control due to other health issues. I can't believe I had female doctors telling me a theoretical man had more say in my future than me.
Load More Replies... He earns 90% of the money they live off and pays for housekeeping so she can work a stressful, underpaid job that destroys her. If they had a truly loving relationship, the simplest solution would be to write down a contract for what the housekeepers are doing and giving her the same money he gives them for doing that job, while sharing the rest of the housework as they do now until she's mentally recovered from her bad job and ready to work an outside job again. By writing down the exact chores she gets paid for, they'd avoid confusion about what is the paid job and what is the rest that they'll share. But no, he rather let's her burn out and pays strangers for work she could be doing for at least a while to insist on their former agreement. What a bozo.
Okay, I went to Reddit and OP is a nasty critter! His wife is a highschool teacher in a very difficult school. She already has counselling, is burned out, depressive and physical ill from her high stress job she was very passionate about and already stayed far too long because she cared too much for her students. The absolute standard teacher story. He was sore that she didn't want to give up her job when they married, because she was passionate about it and wanted the security of a second income, and now doesn't want to give in because he's still sore that 'she didn't trust him from the start, so why should he help her now' and she's already moved out and lives with her relatives, who rightfully call him out on his BS. He tried to validate himself on Reddit by only telling bits of the story when pressured for it in the comments, and only were it made him look good but one commenter went through all of them and put the snippets together to a whole story. OP then deleted his account.
Load More Replies... Am i the only one who thinks that it's the wife who is dodging a bullet. A contract is a contract? Contracts are updated and amended ALL THE TIME - What an a*s
Yea, I think maybe this relationship was a bit circumstantial. As in they work together until a certain goal was reached....completely knowingly or not.
Load More Replies...
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